itspastmybedtime

music. cars. makeup. engaged to the best man out there.

[marrrinnaaa]

inner struggles

i'm definitely having a struggle with myself lately. as i grow up, i'm understanding exactly what i like, what i don't like, and what i can handle. even down to the details. but as i express these interests, i've noticed that others want to deter me away, almost as if to tie me down...make things go back to a previous time. a previous marina, who was naive and didn't have many opinions or life experiences. i don't want to lose these "others" that i'm refering to, so i keep as much as i can to myself, but i feel it build up inside me. so it keeps me up at night and i start to overthink every little thing. i want to figure out a way that i can make my interests and opinions really mine and have others accept that. but how can i do that when they are stuck in the past? and i need these people to stay in my life? how do i find that happy medium? how?

[perrfectly]

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

— Lao Tzu - (hatin)

[sailor-moon-rei]

by  lopking_art

[perrfectly]

[monkistar]

[marrrinnaaa]

[japan-overload]

Self-restraint by Tomoaki Saito Via Flickr: May 2020, Ginza Tokyo. Sony α7-3, 24-105.

[marrrinnaaa]

overthinking again...as usual

i've had a thought that's been with me since mother's day. i think i had a first-hand experience with the divide between men and women in my own family. as i go on with my career in the dietetic field (and am very grateful for), it seems to me that my family would rather talk about my brother's career. hayden will be graduating with a degree in political science but he still has no plan for a job or when he will start. it seems unsecure to me...he might still being working at costco and in grocery and to be honest, i don't think that's a job that people want forever. i don't want to put hayden down or anything, but it frustrates me that i have a solid plan and my family is more interested in his course. another part of me thinks that i'm too confident and i need to stop telling my parents that this diet or that diet doesn't work. they don't want to listen. so do i stay in the shadows and just let it all play out or do i keep pushing my opinions? that's another thing too, i realized that i don't have any solid opinions because they are always shut down and nothing matters when it comes to what i say. i've adapted to just listen to people and stay quiet. i tell people all the time that i'm a good listener, but my advice or ideas always are set aside. feels like a slap to my face all the time. ALL THE TIME. however, i do enjoy that i'm soaking up all these opinions of others and notice how stupid they are in the fog of their own narcissism.

[daughter-of-sunlight]

Picking wild lavender and hanging to dry for bread and teas

[marrrinnaaa]

two things...

i am incredibly grateful for all my car friends who wish me a safe drive home, but also incourage the fun and spirit of driving. they put both at a priority and i will cherish that forever. secondly (and a totally different topic from the first), i cannot stand when people can't take hints. someone who is my father's age, has a significant other, and making me uncomfortable by hitting on me is someone i do not wish to be friends with. i need you to take my hints of ignoring you in DM's into consideration and stop talking to me. i don't want to burn a bridge with you and your partner (whom i respect) just because i want to block you, but it's coming down to the wire. i think i will just keep leaving you on read.

[marrrinnaaa]

Him matching my little weird noises

His driving skills

Him complementing me when I sing (even though I'm not a good singer at all)

Him having fun playing video games

When he has conversations with my parents

When he cracks my back

When he asks me if I'm having dinner at home in chinese

When he gets excited over a new beer release

When he makes sous vide steaks

When he fixes his hair to fit under his hat

The patience he has when teaching me tennis

The damn hard work he does in his career

His willing to do anything for us

These things are only a fraction of what it means to love this man.... I wouldn't trade it for anything. My life is perfect with you.

#itspastmybedtime

[marrrinnaaa]

here we go

this is an update on my life...hopefully i don't rant/go off topic/be too bland. the biggest change in my life is that i am engaged to my long time partner. my favorite person in the whole world...i'm going to marry. it still seems like a dream to me, but i'm so excited to share this moment in life with him. i feel anxious, nervous and stressed, but extremely thrilled and my heart is so full. i have my sights set on just being with him for the rest of my life while trying not to worry about the details or little things that can go wrong while planning a wedding. i have some great women by my side...i have faith in them. i have committed to becoming a registered dietician. i want to finish up school, get my license, and help people heal with food. medicine only seems to cover up whatever illness someone has, but with the right food, i believe people can really heal and feel their best. this is something i never thought i could do. i've always grown up to think that working a job is the best way to get through life...you don't need a degree as long as you work hard. in some way i still believe that, but this path i chose for myself requires higher education and i just hope i can keep up. i'm EXREMELY nervous about how i stack up against the rest of the students in my same position. sometimes it really brings me down and i feel like giving up. sometimes i think i'm doing this for nothing, that i won't go far and i'll fail. but some days i'm very confident and can say that i have a lot of experience and that i can listen and connect with strangers comfortably. it's my honest ongoing struggle. i know it's only going to get tougher, which means i have to grow stronger. i work in an amazing hospital now...and i was born there! it's been about 3 months now and time flies by very fast. i get to work along side people my age, in the nutrition field, and with dieticians. i'm hoping this job will help me get into the school i want, at least that's what everyone says. i get to help patients learn about the food that they can and cannot eat while admitted in the hospital. it's rewarding, and i'm hoping it will pay off in the end. i left a very comfortable paying job for this, which is difficult for me to adjust to. i'm trying. for now, that's all of the major updates in my life. i'm hoping to relay my feelings on here while i plan a wedding, go through school and work, all while still keeping a sane, social life. thanks for reading!

[aura-eden]

[boohwanj-deactivated20240316-de]

[marrrinnaaa]

hello again.

after how many years, hello again! i want to make it a personal goal to get back on here and post my experiences as i start this new chapter of my life. for me, it's nice to have somewhere to write some notes down, share my feelings, whatever it may be. (it'll help me with my writing skills, too.) i'll add an updated post about my life eventually... happy to be doing tumblr again!

[lsleofskye]

North Shore, Hawaii | clarklittle

[enjoy-the-life-baby]