unionise

moony - 26 - they/he

[marsaurora]

My shoulders are too broad for the fancy robe I got, which is good and bad

I like my shoulders so I'm not like surprised or upset about it, but also it would be nice if the thing fit

[marsaurora]

I've been writing up ideas for a thing in a document and I just started rereading the doc and it's really interesting bc I barely remember some of it, I feel like that's a p good filter for what was interesting and not

[marsaurora]

Got asked if I wanted to go somewhere tomorrow and I really don't but like it's not even that I am tired (I am) but because I know I'll somehow be in charge and asked to make every decision and I don't have the capacity to do that

I don't know how to deal w this because I have previously been like "no I actually can't make your decisions" but the problem is he can't either and then he gets stressed and that also impacts me

I just don't like being leaned on to do things that I have not volunteered for and don't have the skills for, under pressure to keep the situation upbeat

So all I really have worked out how to do is only agree when I have the capacity to be in charge, which is much more rare than me wanting to join in, so I seem way less flexible than I actually am

[marsaurora]

Truly can't tell how dangerous the new variant is bc it's definitely handy propaganda

At least i get a rushed booster dose, which is for the best no matter what the situation is

[marsaurora]

I keep being a communication go-between and it's so far away from my comfort zone and skillset

People want the info related fast, and either don't tell me enough to understand what's going on or give a lot of info but aren't clear what theyre asking, and if it goes wrong in any way (which it will, since social communication is really hard) then I get the reaction even though it has nothing to do with me

I need to say "hey can we do this less" but rn there's mitigating circumstances so if I don't relay then nothing gets communicated

I want to hibernate

[marsaurora]

Nothing bad has happened today externally but I had weird vivid dreams and auditory hallucinations this morning, the tinnitus all day, sensory issues, and my heart's been racing whenever anything happens

I've gone to a dark room w my weighted blanket + some music, hopefully that'll help

[marsaurora]

Today I got misgendered and then backtracked like "I think I might have got something wrong there", which was sweet

She made a good guess, I was wearing / buying girly stuff

[marsaurora]

I feel sad and gross

At some point my brain will unlesem this, or do it less. But I'm just kind of sensitive at the moment

It's fine to be sensitive and it would be fine if I always am but I suspect/hope it is just because things are kind of raw and new

[marsaurora]

This person knew I was overwhelmed already and just didn't factor that in at all. I would say maybe they weren't thinking about it but they were reacting to me talking about being overwhelmed, so

[marsaurora]

I was saying about my sensory issues and the person I was talking to chose to be an arsehole and put on a sweary pantomime when a light bothered them

Not even fair bc all I do is flinch and try to avoid the input, just close your fucking eyes

I'm really irritated, it's like 12yo behaviour

I don't think it's worth saying anything, but I am just irritated that I try to explain myself and get recieved so badly, I don't enjoy having to explain myself while I'm already overwhelmed

[marsaurora]

Visual snow and tinnitus

Lovely

[marsaurora]

Wikipedia says visual snow is uncommon

Which is absolutely wild to me

[marsaurora]

Visual snow and tinnitus

Lovely

[marsaurora]

I'm dissociating but I have a cat on me, so that's a bonus

[marsaurora]

Having a repetitive intrusive thought that is not very fun . I should make soup today

[marsaurora]

Just realised the reason I never finish my fiction may be that I'm trying to write more normally than I naturally want to

Idk I'll try to stop doing that and see if it helps

[marsaurora]

A while ago I saw a bunch of ppl online like "women don't find Ryan Reynolds hot, straight men just think he is" and like firstly. Women aren't in charge of which men are attractive, and straight men walking around talking about their crushes on men ,,, might not be textbook straight

[marsaurora]

My da speaks in really vague ways and asks a lot of questions and that's not massively helpful to me, but I wouldn't mind at all if he didn't find my need for clarification and extra info frustrating

I can't fix my lack of understanding, and Im not expecting him to speak differently, I just feel really stupid