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@marshwoodkeep314131
Undergoing Changes; Blog Under Construction Perpetually...
The personal diary of a disabled autistic, schizoaffective plural/multiple. Chronically exhausted.
Used to be mirrorfractured. Name may change.
26. White. Nonbinary/Bigender/Mutogender. Aro-Ace.
Feeling so heavy and messed up the last three days mentally. Minor mistakes in communication being total meltdown material. Feeling abandoned and angry and hostile. Feeling like its both the recent IPV trauma from the past three years and also something else. Idk what though. Its at that stage where the fear is formless but the words and descriptions and imagery come out later. I hate trauma processing. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!
Also Good by Kira Metcalf and On Instinct by her as well keep rotating through. Like ahh stop. I know I know okay?
-Erick
Love and solidarity to all my hypervigilant, traumatized, sensory sensitive, and/or otherwise sensitive to fireworks friends 💜
We'll get through this awful weekend of fireworks despite how miserable it may be
I know we are all used to hear bad news from the USA or UK when it comes to trans rights but this time Germany wants to play in the same league.
Our idiots at home ministry came up with the fucking idea to start a register for all transgender and nonbinary people which would mean every person working at some public position could always at any given time see your assigned gender at birth, your deadname, your address and who knows what else.
We had been there in the past. Hitler Germany called it the "Travestite Law" back then. Our politicians didn't learn.
We all know this is unacceptable.
Please, if you are German, sign it. If you are not, spread it wide and far.
This had been stopped once a few years ago. It needs to be stopped again.
Hallo, ich bin Penelope Alva Frank, Transfrau, queerfeministische Aktivistin und Gründerin der queerfeministischen Bewegung Queermany. Ich w
Saddest news. One of the crystals I got will not be coming. The seller had to replace it because the sea horse went missing. I'm glad this is the biggest problem we have nowadays tho.
-W1
Continuation of the psychosis ask stuff:
Do you relate to the neurodivergent label? Do you identify with it? Why or why not? Do you feel included in the neurodivergent community?
I do relate to the Neurodivergent Label and Identify with it. Not as much as I do with Mad Pride/Neuropunk/CognitivePunk (if this one is a thing? I feel like it might be. For folks who have cognitive issues, like me with my cognitive impairment or people with other things that impair abilities to do "normal" cognitive acts like those with intellectual disabilities? IDK just feel a lot of similarities and connection and allyship with people who's brain maybe never "worked" like a non-cognitively disabled person or worked for a bit "typically" in like an academic sense and then changed because I watched my brain change due to chronic illness and mental health changes. Ironically enough thank you Schizoaffective in part for that).
Also I hope my language here is not disrespectful, if it at all is, please let me know and I would be more than happy to change it. But yes do relate and identify, primarily because FUCK EVERYONE who says its just Autism and ADHD. Like that is the most shut the door and lift the ladder type activism behind you stuff and does not help the cause for Autistics and ADHDers, but does directly harm neuro-neighbors.
Schizophrenics/Schizoaffectives/Bipolars/The People Labeled with PDS/Dissociative Disordered folk/OCD folk/Eating disordered folk and others all are your neighbors! You do not get to shy away because you think we are scary or evil. That is literally just ableism and gross. I refuse to leave the movement to make some comfortable in their ableism. Also neurodivergent also includes other brain conditions! Not just mental health! Epilepsy counts! Hell I would count things like migraines and my IIH. They directly impact how my brain functions and even my personality.
2. Have you ever told someone in your life that you experience psychosis? If you have, how did they react? If not, why are you hesitant about telling people? How would you like someone to react?
Yes. Many people. I've told partners, parents, nurses and doctors. I have had to in certain cases, and in other cases, its been said for me. It's on my record and follows me around al the time so sometimes I don't even have to say anything for someone to know. Most people react odd. Like I am souring the mood, making them uncomfortable, or like they expect me to become dangerous immediately. Only guy in my life who was good about it was N (who also has schizoaffective bipolar type-- match made in heaven I think) and the only provider willing to not treat it like it was a bomb that might explode in me is my therapist currently. She treats me (and the others inside) like people. Like people who deserve respect. Its funny how once you are extremely mentally ill, most decide you don't deserve that. Funny as in extremely disheartening.
As for how I would prefer people to react, I just want it to be a common place thing to drop. I don't want this to be given huge amounts of weight. Sure, am I actively psychotic, manic or depressed? Maybe then give me more weighted attention but even then don't send me to the hospital. I better regulate out of that environment and god knows the system doesn't help people in crisis that well.
Anyways, typing the next q tomorrow. Had to do yesterday's and today's because forgot.
I honestly think that nonbinary people should be allowed to be mean* about our genders without getting shit for it more often.
*(Read: Assertive of our boundaries and stood firm on the fact that our identities are deserving of respect)
We should be allowed to make a sour face or take a cold tone with someone when they carelessly misgender us for the fifth time in a row despite multiple corrections. We should be allowed to complain about erasure and ask where our needs and experiences come into play when we hear people reinforcing binary normativity in their discussions of gender related issues. We should be allowed to be visibly/audibly angry with other trans people when they try to forcibly categorize us as fem or masc, or imply that our enbyness is a mere phase that will eventually lead to "real/full" (binary to binary) transition.
Nonbinary people should be allowed to take our identities seriously and expect others to do the same for us, regardless of whether or not we will come off as mean for doing so. Because quite frankly, upon seeing how exorsexist the world has become recently, I think we haven't been mean enough.
Nurse gave me diet talk. Loveeee when they do that. Mhm. Anyways back to crystal posting because this kinda hurt to listen to. Apologies for the messy room lol my life is entirely in this room/bed and it can get... yeah.
maybe this is just because I'm schizoaffective but every example of a "bizarre delusion" I see I'm like "yeah I might not believe that but I can see how you got there"
"I had a delusion where I thought my roommate was secretly a centaur and hiding it from me" and I had a delusion where I thought my old best friend was a mind reader involved in a secret society of mind readers. we've all been there.
I can't explain how I think you got there but... I can see how you got there. it makes sense. to me. I might not believe it but like yeah I think that could make sense.
Being asexual and racist is embarassing as fuck. Being racist at all is obviously embarassing as fuck but the amount of racism and especially antiblackness i have been seeing from asexuals recently is obscene.
One of the only asexual activists is Yasmin Benoit, a Black woman. She has raised so much awareness for the community. She was the first asexual person to lead Pride in London, she started the #thisiswhatasexuallookslike movement and is THE leading voice for the community.
And you all will celebrate international asexuality day on April 6th but we wouldn't even have that if she hadn't cofounded it.
Edit: why are you all too scared to repost this. Cmon. Be vocal about being against racism
No hate to OP, there are other Black asexual activists besides Yasmin Benoit.
Marshall Blount: https://www.instagram.com/marshall_blount?
Ace in Grace/Ashabi: https://www.instagram.com/_aceingrace_?
Yagirllici: https://www.instagram.com/yagirllici?
This one is more of a group but there’s Black Ace Culture: https://www.instagram.com/blackaceculture?
Asexual/AroaceBarbie: https://www.tiktok.com/@asexualbarbie?_r=1&_t=ZT-97gFM9iWa3a
Kim Riottt: https://www.instagram.com/kimriottt?
Jacques Jacky: https://www.instagram.com/jacguesjacky?
I got my first set of crystals!!!!! So excited. I may have bought more last night and bowls for containing them that are also crystals and... I love shiny rock okay. Not really for metaphysical purposes or spiritual purposes. Just love shiny. Shiny for me. The ones that came today were a high quality green capped Tourmaline, a beautiful geometric sunset labrodite piece, a spectorolite piece (technically not quite because those are from Finland specifically and this guy is from Madagascar. But! Same material and same colors) that huge and the fossil! All are extremely lovely and I am very happy.
-FOE
The dom shortage is fake. The top shortage is fake. The masc/butch shortage is fake. You just have bad vibes.
Plurals who are in out of system relationships, do you date as a collective or do individuals date?
Collectively (all/most members date the same person(s))
Individual (each member has their own relationships)
Complicated (elaborate in the comments)
it’s hard to find worth in your life when it’s essentially just your bed but i will
i will
I know it's more nuanced than this but I think having a hard policy of thinking anyone who genuinely hates one group of queer people for their identity might as well hate all of us and thus I should block any queerphobic queer person I see can do a lot to save you from believing anything exclusionists say.
"bomb that kills all-" "I just don't get bi women bringing their-" "pansexuality isn't a real thing-" "all lesbians-" "trans men really are men bcs they're all misogynistic predators-" "theyfabs-" "pfft aroace people are cringe-" "nonbinary people are actually all-" Instant block. Goodbye. Not listening. It's for both solidarity with your fellow queers AND to protect yourself, because once a person is convinced to hate one group for their immutable traits they can be convinced fairly easily to hate another too, and thus I do not trust them.
Just block these people the second they pop up, they aren't your allies and nothing they have to say is worth listening to.
From @/wheelie-sick's psychosis based ask game:
1. "What are you most proud about with your psychotic identity? If you aren't proud of your psychotic identity, what do you wish for that could make you proud?"
I am proud of my psychosis in the sense that I feel like I am adaptable to things most people would not know how to contend with. I've dealt with scenarios both real and delusional that have been extremely difficult that most people who are apsychotic would frankly not get. Things like hospitalizations, homelessness, assault, manipulation and massive abuse at the far end and bizarre and persecutory delusions I cannot go into because it stresses me out to think about on the other. I am proud because push comes to shove, when I am in a crisis, I do try to do the right things. I do try to remain compassionate and kind. It is not easy, and sometimes not at all possible, and absolutely should not be a standard to which all psychotic people are kept to. But I am proud of myself because crisis me is fighting for the right goals that non crisis me is also working towards. Major sign of healing to get those points matching.
-Erick and Sophie
