—PHOENIX

Martin Porter. 29. Carpenter. Father. Imagine that the world is made out of love. Now imagine that it isn’t. Imagine a story where everything goes wrong, where everyone has their back against the wall, where everyone is in pain and acting selfishly because if they don’t, they’ll die. Imagine a story, not of good against evil, but of need against need against need, where everyone is at cross-purposes and everyone is to blame. var sc_project=11965671; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="0390aa7b";

[martin-porter]

milademir‌: 

               “You made an excellent choice. Hello Kitty is some top notch gear,” Mila joked in return. Picturing the bright pink in his hand with the infamous character amused her and she figured most people would think it was either his girlfriend’s or his daughter’s. A single brow ticked upward — so he did have a daughter. Mila glanced at the screen and smiled once more. “She’s cute. How old?” Then handed his phone over to him.

“Almost five. Her name’s Ellie,” he smiled proudly, taking back his phone and looking at the picture of his grinning daughter on the screen. “She takes ballet. This was her after her last recital.” 

[martin-porter]

naomi-owens‌: 

                   “So you’re basically offering yourself up to be my beckon call boy? How are you in the kitchen?” Naomi hummed out tauntingly with a brow quirked upward. “I hope you know what you’re offering up here, Martin.” She teased. While she knew there was some bitterness around town with Martin and his history, Naomi held no ill-will against the man, which was a little ironic given how often the little spitfire could hold a grudge. Nonetheless, it wasn’t her business, and she truthfully appreciated the offer of help.

“I can fix you up a kitchen real good, but after that, I’m pretty hopeless,” he shrugged teasingly. He'd learned some basic meals out of necessity, but it was hardly the sort of thing he’d force on anyone else. “But I know what I’m volunteering for, and I’m happy to do it.” Maybe it was some sort of atonement, or a way to show Beth all the caretaking skills he’d never been able to before, but more than anything, Martin liked being helpful. It made him feel better about himself... 

[martin-porter]

sfitzpatrick‌: 

Christ on a cracker, this was going badly. Sean wasn’t the type of guy to be discourteous even to people he had a real problem with, but surprise and reflex had conspired to have him actually greet someone he might be happier to have not. Because though once upon a time he’d simply been happy Beth had found happiness with someone new, these days all he knew was the catch in Beth’s voice when she talked about Martin being back in town. “Uh, thanks,” he replied, unsure how far he was going to go in the name of good manners – because really, he couldn’t say it was nice to see Martin, too. “I hear Ellie’s thrilled you’re back in town.”

Martin might not have grown up in Wilmington, but Iowa wasn’t all that different from North Carolina, and he knew how to read between the lines. ‘Ellie’s thrilled you’re back in town’ meant that very few others felt similarly. “Yeah, I’ve been really grateful for that,” he nodded. “I came back for her, so it’s made everything a lot easier.” Nothing else had been, it seemed, but he knew he had to focus on one thing at a time. 

[martin-porter]

beth-dryden‌: 

“I do?” Beth was sure she had never made anyone nervous before, but maybe that was just her seemingly lack of experience outside of the comfort of her social circle back home. God, she couldn’t wait to tell the girls all about the evening she’d ended up having. It might have only been a walk, but for some reason, Beth felt like it was so much more than that.

Her face lit up as he admitted that he liked her and the butterflies in her stomach began doing somersaults. “I really like you, too..” Pressing her lips together to try and stop herself from grinning too much, Beth reached into her gym bag, rummaging around for the day planner she took everywhere with her. “Me too…” Ripping out an empty note page from her planner as she stopped outside her dorm building, Beth quickly wrote down her number before handing it to him. “Thank you for walkin’ me home..” Without giving herself time to think, Beth leaned up on her tiptoes, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before she turned and walked away before he could see the blush on her cheeks. As she reached for her keys, she turned to walk backwards, her face still glowing as she smiled. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

“Yeah, see you soon.” He smiled, watching as she walked away. The win that night had felt great, but this, somehow, felt even better... 

Fin. 

[lizzie-mcguire]

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

This Is Us (2016—) Created by Dan Fogelman

[martin-porter]

@beth-dryden

[martin-porter]

evelynrcwe‌: 

          “I haven’t,” Evie answered, “but I’ll have to check it out now to see what they said. Unless you remember?” She shoveled a forkful of salad into her mouth and soon followed it up with a sip of her lemon water once she’d swallowed. “I keep hearing that Netflix has good documentaries.”

“No, sorry, I was sort of half asleep,” he admitted sheepishly. He had always been an early riser - ever since his days of morning basketball practice - but unfortunately with age, that meant his nights were earlier, too. “They do. Still haven’t watched Making A Murderer, but they’ve got a lot of other docuseries which are really good.” 

[martin-porter]

naomi-owens‌: 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 18TH, 2019. → at STELLA’S caffé.

         “I’m tellin’ you…this is the first real meal I’ve had in weeks.” Naomi was practically mouthwatering at the promise of a good hearty sandwich and a cup of soup, something that paired well with the quick rain shower that overtook Wilmington that morning she endured before she jetted out of her home in Murrayville. “It’s been all Mickey Dees runs and tv dinners ever since we got back from the hospital with Rae.” With having her newborn along tow with her, getting out of the house to get some fresh air was nice, but it was all done within the comfort of her cousin’s caffé where she knew she could gain a bit of privacy if she so needed. Rae, whom remained in her carrier with a knitted blanket draped and tucked around her belly, cooed a bit while her mother gently rocked her. “I also feel like I haven’t spoken in anything other than baby voices in ages. Please knock me out if I end up doin’ it to you.” 

Martin had missed the infant stage of fatherhood with Ellie, and it was a decision that still haunted him to this day. It was strange, to have played a part in bringing life into this world, to have a daughter now, but not have the slightest idea what to do with a wriggling, pink-faced baby. It made his stomach twist in a way that wasn’t entirely pleasant. “If you ever need any help - y’know, someone to bring you food, run errands - I’d be happy to help.” He specifically didn’t mention looking after the baby, and not just because he wasn’t sure if it’d be welcomed. 

[martin-porter]

scarlettmontgcmery‌: 

        “I think I probably shouldn’t have done that” - Out of every statement that Scarlett wanted to hear out of Martin’s kissed lips, this wasn’t what she expected or wanted to hear at all. Standing in the middle of the riverwalk wrapped in his arms, she pressed her lips together in a fine line. Trying to hold back and push down how much the statement hurt, she breathed it away before slowly and surely unwrapping herself from him. She did it little by little - the hand peeled off of his cheek, the other out of his hair, arms fell to her waist, body detached from his before taking away the fingers that were brushing his. “Y-yeah, sure, that’s okay,” She finally admitted in a weak tone. Gathering up all fo the courage and bravery left in her body, it didn’t take her long to look right back at the handsome man and stare back into his soul. “Look, Martin, I like you and after what just happened, I’m very interested in you.” A new confession fell from her lips before continuing forward. “I know we just met tonight, but I can’t help but feel this strong connection between us that I don’t want to stop exploring. I’ve never felt anything like it.” At this point, she wanted to run away due to insecurities and hopelessness taking control, but her lips kept moving. “There’s no doubt that I want to see you and honestly, kiss you again so now that I’m leaving all of this out here, take it or leave it. I’m willing to start exploring this if you’re feeling the same way.” Leaving her hands at her sides and mouth breathless, all she did was stare back up towards him, awaiting his response. What she also wanted to blurt out was, “But I understand if you’re overwhelmed, want to run away as fast as you can and can’t make a decision due to my feelings vomit”, but it never escaped her lips.

It was like stepping into an ice bath - cold and bracing, and for a moment he held his breath. But it felt necessary, like pulling the brakes on a moment that was getting away from him. It was easy with Scarlett. The whole night felt like it had tumbled from one moment to the next, gaining momentum naturally as it rolled along, never contrived or planned. He could be open with her about the parts of himself he kept hidden - the scared little boy, the lost young man... But that wasn’t who he was anymore. Not really. Or at least not the man he was trying to be. 

He was a father. His first priority would always be Ellie. His first thought when he woke up in the morning. His last prayer before he went to sleep. And Beth - his relationship with her was dangling by a thread, and if anything happened, Ellie hung in the balance. He knew she did her best to hide it, but Martin had seen the strain his return had put on Beth and he knew he had to put her right before anyone could move forward. He had to regain her trust. To let her finally heal from the hurt he caused. For their family’s sake... Because ‘family’ had never been a particularly sacred word, but Ellie and Beth were it for him. It wasn’t conventional, or probably even healthy, but it was his. 

“I-” he stuttered, trying to get his thoughts to align themselves in a way that made sense. “I wish this had been earlier. Or later. Or just somewhere different. But I came here for a reason. My daughter - I can’t let myself get distracted. I can’t let anything jeopardize that. What I feel. What I want... Even if I knew what it was, it wouldn’t matter. All that matters is her.” 

[martin-porter]

milademir‌: 

               Before handing his phone back Mila hesitated and narrowed her eyes skeptically. A smirk on her lips proved that her hesitance and upcoming words were just a bout of playfulness. “Can you prove that this is yours? I can have you stealing someone’s phone and stealing on eBay. That would make me an accessory to the crime wouldn’t it?” She glanced at the screen to see the lock screen and if it had a photo or wallpaper, something he could easily prove. “Right? All these cases look alike these days. Plus going with unique shows off your personality. What’d you get?” Even if she was of mind that he was playing around with her, Mila was still curious what he would get.

“I went for the hot pink Hello Kitty case. It should be here by next week,” he said, completely deadpanned. No one had ever said he was funny, but he did have a particular sense of humor. “The lock screen is a picture of my daughter. You can check if you want.” 

[martin-porter]

sfitzpatrick‌: 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 26th 2019 at BESPOKE COFFEE in DOWNTOWN WILMINGTON with @martin-porter.

Maybe Bespoke wasn’t the best place to find apartment postings looking for a roommate, but Sean was covering all his bases. He’d visited every coffee shop in town, it felt like, but thoughts of finding a new place to live flew from his mind as he caught sight of the man on the other side of the shop. He hadn’t seen Martin Porter in years, but even had Beth not told him the other man was in town, he would’ve recognised him. Still, he was more than a little shocked to actually see him; he’d been back in town for months without crossing paths. He could pretend he’d never seen him, maybe that would’ve been the smarter course, but before he realised what he was doing, Sean raised a hand in a halfhearted greeting.

By this point, Martin was used to the awkward reintroductions. He had seen them going every which way - from downright hostile, to surprising pleasant, to unbearably awkward. After so many months, he thought that he’d gotten through most of them, but as he saw Sean across the way at Bespoke Coffee, he realized that he had forgotten at least one. He tended to allow the other to set the tone, so as Sean waved in greeting, he figured it was best to engage. “Hey, Sean,” he said with his own awkward smile. “Nice to see you. You look well...”

[martin-porter]

sydncyfitzpatrick‌: 

          Somewhere in the back of her head, Sydney could hear Beth’s voice begging her to hold her tongue. To look Martin in the eye and play nice. Sorry, babe. No matter how much she wanted to listen and avoid a ‘conversation’ later, she just couldn’t sit there and pretend. When he left all those years ago, he’d abandoned her best friend. Abandoned his daughter - her goddaughter. There wasn’t a single universe in which that’d ever sit right with Syd. Not after learning first hand what it felt like to go through life without a father. 

          “Right—” a snort cut through the air— “’cause you’ve already proven how incredible you are at helpin’ out and bein’ there when a girl could use a hand.” Sarcasm flooded from her tongue. “Beth said you’ve started seein’ Ellie.” Never taking her eyes from his face, she sipped from the old cup of coffee on her table. “I’d appreciate a heads up before you inevitably decide daddy isn’t a convenient role again, ‘cause last time I spent a fortune on tissues and cookie dough ice cream. —– Might need to swing some extra shifts to line my bank account…”

Martin expected it, but her hostility ignited something in him he didn’t often let out. “Good to know at least some people don’t change,” he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear him. Because he was tired of people doubting that he had. Of people thinking he was the sort who would subject others - and himself - to the hurt of coming back if he didn’t mean it. It was the same kind of distrust he had faced all his life, and sometimes it wasn’t a wonder he ended up the way he did. 

[martin-porter]

beth-dryden‌: 

Having only had one boyfriend before when she was in high school, Beth didn’t have much experience with men, especially ones that she met by chance. With her ex being her best friend’s brother, she had known him for years before they dated, they had been and still were best friends. This was different. This was an instant attraction, instant connection. It was like everything she had seen in the cheesy movies when two characters caught each other’s eyes and were head over heels the next second. She was genuinely impressed by his achievements, especially as she got the impression it had been almost impossibly hard for him, unlike her. As he smiled, Beth felt herself melt a little and as a blush warmed her cheeks, she quickly looked away to hide her face.

“That’s the hope, yeah. Some kids don’t have a space they feel safe and I think school should always be that, you know? If we can catch problems at elementary school level then we can really help kids, hence the psych major.” It was genuinely something Beth was passionate about and she had thrown herself into her studies to make the most of her opportunity. “Or if that doesn’t work out for whatever reason, I’d like to own my own bakery but that’s probably more of a retirement thing.”

Beth mentally cursed herself as she felt the sudden change in atmosphere. They’d been having such a good time, or Beth had anyway and as soon as she expressed it, she sensed the mood changed. His answer was a little stilted, awkward even and the blonde instantly wanted to rewind to around ten seconds ago and carry on without pointing out that she was having fun walking, probably scaring him off in the process. With only two options available to her, Beth took a deep breath. “Well, it’s just.. I really enjoyed it and I was just wondering if you wanted to do it again, maybe? Like maybe we could walk home together after going for dinner or coffee or something, or not, I mean, I don’t know what your schedules like and I totally understand if you’d rather not, I know I’m just the girl you saved from a creep tonight and you were probably just being nice but I’d really like to do this again.. I’m also going to shut up because I don’t think I’ve taken a breath in nearly a minute and I talk a lot when I get nervous, so I’m just gonna…” She trailed off, her face flushing a bright red from the embarrassment of her ramble. Now, she was sure she’d put him off. “Sorry, I just.. Ramble a lot when I get nervous.”

He slowed his steps as she started to ramble, stopping entirely when she admitted she was nervous. It oddly made him feel better, because at least he knew they were on the same page. “It’s okay,” he smiled awkwardly. “You, uh, you make me nervous, too.” However, unlike Beth, he tended to clam up when he was nervous. Clam up always, actually, though maybe that just meant he was always nervous. This time it felt good, though - like that feeling of anticipation right before a big game. Like he was on the cusp of something and all he had to do was reach out and take it. 

“I- I really like you. And that’s not something I let myself say too often. Not out loud, anyway. And I don’t- I mean, I’m not glad that guy was a jerk to you, but I’m really glad I met you. Officially now, I guess. So if you ever wanted to hang out then, yeah, I’d really, really like that...” 

[martin-porter]

evelynrcwe‌: 

@wilmingtonstarters

          “Want to hear something interesting?” Most likely Evie was going to tell them anyway and the question beforehand was to give her a moment for her to finish up with her orange slice. It had been the first weekend in a few months that she stayed in and lounged around the house. Only venturing out to the beach once. Usually she was working or getting up to things but she had no regrets from a weekend of reading and watching the science channel. “The oldest tattoos known could date back further than 3400 BCE? Ötzi the Iceman apparently had sixty-one tattoos too but the point is that tattooing practices date further back than him.” To her that was amazing and yet people were still so close minded and prejudiced against tattoos. “Now I’m just wondering how in the hell people get so fucked up over tattoos when they clearly predate civilization.”

“Have you seen that Netflix series Explained? They just did an episode about tattoos, and I think they mentioned him,” Martin said, trying to remember from when he watched it a few weeks back. 

[martin-porter]

scarlettmontgcmery‌: 

        Standing on the riverwalk in silence, Scarlett’s eyes were hooked onto Martin’s like no other. In one hand, he just dropped a big bomb that he was a father and left them hanging. In the other, she dove back into her multiple therapy sessions and explained that fear can control everything. At this point, all she could hope for was that her trying words were sticking to his brain to hold onto for later. Hoping and praying that he took in her words carefully, she was expecting for him to respond with words, but shockingly, she wasn’t prepared or expecting anything close to what happened next. One minute, she was a few feet away from the handsome man and the next, her lips were dancing with his. Taken back from his kiss, her hands clenched the back of his shirt due to surprise. Moments later, she was feeling at ease. Her body was still a little in shock, but her mind, gut, and soul were wanting this to happen and it finally was. She barely knew the man, but as they shared their first of many kisses together, she felt like she really knew him. The connection between them was already strong and she couldn’t wait to deepen it in no time. Deepening their kiss and opening more her mouth to allow some extra room, her hands slid up his back, neck and locked them in his luscious hair. Closing the fine gap between them, she pressed her body against his and soaked up all the different physical touches. Kissing him with some passion, she was barely breathing so after a few, long seconds, she pulled away. Her fingers running through his hair and their bodies still touching, she tried her best to catch her breath. Looking up into Martin’s eyes once again, a soft, yet meaningful grin spread upon her lips. One of her hands releasing his hair, she placed her palm against his cheek and gently ran her thumb against his skin. Feeling her heartrate slow, her eyelids closed, she leaned in and pressed her forehead against his all while standing up on her tipy-toes. Embracing this moment, a part of her wanted to whisper something along the lines of thanks for making the first move, but her lips stayed still. Taking all of this in is what mattered the most.

A part of him knew this was an inevitability from the moment he accepted her offer at the bar. He hadn’t known how, and he certainly hadn’t thought he’d to be the instigator, but the expectation had been dangling between them, catching in her eye and creating a glimmer there he couldn’t ignore. 

It had been a long time since he’d kissed someone, longer still since he’d felt the kind of heat igniting him now. He’d missed the feeling of it - lips pressed to his, a solid body in his arms, hands in his dark locks. It was such a comforting pleasure, the feeling of someone’s hands running through his hair, reminding of his youth when Allison used to pet his head while he fell asleep, long before she was trained out of physical affection and learned to favor lectures instead. Martin’s eyes were screwed shut, concentrating- maybe on the effort, or maybe just willing himself to commit this all to memory. The feeling of holding someone close. The varying pressures and angles. The push and pull. Of wanting and being wanted in return. It was a heady sensation, and after being without it so long, it was enough to make him dizzy. 

His eyes remained closed as they pulled away, breathing heavy into their shared space as he attempted to regain his scattered thoughts. He felt the cool, marine air breeze past against the heated nape of his neck, sending a slight shiver down his spine as it tousled the hair there. His eyes finally opened, and as he met hers, he said the first thing that came into his head. 

“... I think- I probably shouldn’t have done that...” 

[beth-drydenarchive]

Martin

As if the voicemail hadn’t been proof enough, the sight of Beth - sloppy in every sense of the word - was enough to confirm she was in a state Martin had only ever seen a few rare times before. Sure, when they were together, they would drink sometimes, and sometimes Beth would overestimate her tolerance, but everything about her tonight screamed of a deliberate reach for intoxication. 

He couldn’t say he blamed her. It was clear enough from her message, and just from his basic understanding of human emotions in general, that he was putting her through some kind of hell with his return. It was unavoidable, and just one more thing to add to the long list of sins he had to atone for. Not that she really gave him much opportunity, the way she kept her emotions so close to the vest… She had always been the type to keep conflict and anger bottled up. If getting drunk was what she needed to let off steam, then a part of him was glad for it. 

Besides worry, it was the main reason he was here. He hoped a drunk Beth would air the grievances sober Beth could not… 

“You’re gonna be waiting here all night if that’s the case. They don’t open until 11 A.M.,” he explained patiently, tucking his keys into his pocket before squatting down onto the curb, leaving at least a good five feet of space between them. “And you and I both know too much for me to ever make a believable knight in shining armor. But I made a promise, didn’t I? You call, I come. Anytime. Any place.” Technically, the promise was made in regards to Ellie, but Martin wasn’t going to be the one to point that out. 

“They don’t open until 11am.” Beth tried to mimic his voice as she repeated him, her face screwing up a little as she did so. “Bite me.” Resting her elbows on her knees, Beth covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes gently in a bid to try and see straight. “Disney never wrote in whether or not the knights had got the princess pregnant after the film ended and then fucked off for five years without a word, huh? Maybe they should be more realistic about how not to get your hopes up that your dreams are coming true because it all turns to shit.” Dropping her hands, Beth shrugged. “Then you end up sitting on the sidewalk with the asshole who dumped you, telling you the taco shop opening times.”

Beth had been nothing but the perfect Dryden daughter since Martin had returned. She had compromised, she had hidden her feelings, she had bottled everything up and hadn’t even scratched the surface of showing him how angry she was, but now, with a whole load of tequila swimming around her system, she wasn’t even sure what she was meant to be hiding, let alone have the ability to do it. “Aren’t I lucky? See that’s what I used to think you’d do as well, then you walked out on me and tore my heart into tiny little pieces so forgive me if I call bullshit.”

There was a tiny, tiny part of her brain that was telling her to shut up. She had kept her feelings hidden to make their interactions as amiable as possible around their daughter, to stop her from picking up on any awkwardness or tension, but she just couldn’t. She had no energy left to keep her walls up so strongly. “You know the worst bit about all of this? I’m sitting here, I don’t really know my own name and you’re fine. I feel like I am in hell daily, like my insides are being torn apart every second, like I have a gaping, aching hole in my chest where my heart used to be and you’re just fine.” 

Looking at him for the first time, Beth laughed once, although no humour could be found in it. “Bet you’ve been swanning around for the last five years, happy as a clam, putting it about, getting laid, having a grand old time. Me? I had a baby, I raised a baby, I worked, I cried myself to sleep most nights. Do you know how many times I’ve had sex since you left? Three times. Three. Times. It’s probably closed up down there, cobwebbed sign saying closed.” Reaching down, Beth pulled the zip down on the backs of each of her shoes before pulling them off, tossing them onto the sidewalk. “You don’t even care, you never did, just let me get a taxi and leave me alone, I have tacos at home.”

[martin-porter]

It was the most honest she’d been since he had returned. So honest, in fact, that he felt slightly guilty, like he was intruding on a personal moment he wasn’t meant to see. The words were directed at him, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he was there or not; it was pure, unfiltered Beth, and it was only a fluke that he got to hear it out loud. 

Of course it hurt. Not just as the target of her disdain, but as someone who cared about her and her wellbeing. He always knew that he hurt her. He knew even when he first made the decision to leave. In his head— he still didn’t quite know what he was thinking, but he was young, and he guessed he thought she’d get over it. She’d move on. She’d find someone better and he’d never come back to have to deal with the consequences. It would just be another closed door in the long hallway of doors that had always been his life. 

He remained silent even after she finished speaking, allowing her words to settle in around them and giving her the space to say more if she needed to. It wasn’t entirely selfless. He’d learned more about her life in the last five minutes then he had in weeks. Everything unrelated to Ellie was off the table, and though he knew he had no right, he wanted more than anything to be let in. To know what she was thinking. What she was feeling. What the past five years had been like for her. 

Despite her dismissal, he made no move to leave, and at her own stillness, he finally opened his mouth to speak. “You don’t have to believe me, but I didn’t leave because I didn’t care,” he started, resting his forearms on his bent knees. “I’ve always been... good at leaving. I left my family. I left basketball...” It had been easier to give up some things than others. He never missed his father, but when Jackson broke off all contact six months later, it broke his heart. The ache of missing basketball subsided as time went on, but he could never replace the feeling of being truly great at something. “You’re the first thing I ever care about enough to come back.” 

And it wasn’t easy. It was the hardest thing he had ever done. It stung worse than his father’s belt, ached more than his knee ever had. And it wasn’t something he would have been able to do five years ago. He was stronger now. Whole in a way that could have never come from anyone but himself. He had a new resilience that came, not from juvenile stubbornness or pride, but an innate understanding of himself. He knew, deep down, despite the struggle, that he could fix what he had broken. It would never be perfect, or as beautiful as it could have been, but he could make it right. 

[melarkeen-blog]

what about you?