Receipts For Tumblr User KeatsAndPleats

Martin put Jane’s ashes on Etsy and advertised it on his witchblr. He got doxxed so he just gave the ashes to Jon.

[ravelqueen]

Lmao OMFG Martin. He's now confirmed to have been jealous of

- (possibly lesbian?) Cop for daring to have private conversations with Jon

- literal embodiment of death Jon has only metaphorically met in a coma-dream

- lady he talked to for half an hour, once

Truly he is the "you know other people" meme

[sluttyjonahmagnus]

I still can't get over the fact that Jonah kept his bones. That Jonah cared for this man, not enough to save his life, but enough to keep him. To possess his remains and deny his family mourning rights. Or even the knowledge that he died, for all they know the man just went missing. Was his brother ever told?

All this as well as going to the man that essentially killed Barnabas to ask for those bones, possibly even demanded them. Has that ever been done before? Why did Mordecai agree? Is Jonah somehow lonelier with the bones in his possession?

And then he just kept them. Moved them from Edinburgh to London and kept them in his office for nearly 200 years. 'If you know where to look' are they viewable? Are they hidden somewhere, lovingly preserved? Are parts of the bones fractured or rubbed smooth from anger or sorrow?

I need to knoooow.

[unusualshrimp]

most category 5 jon incident

[have you seen a spaniel?] in general, or....?

mental breakdown on a carousel

ranted about emulsifier and then forgor it happened

[tears an old man into pieces with his mind] martin are you ok?🥺🥺🥺

it's actually MY fault that a big spider ate my childhood bully

..... What Did You Say 👁️

loves the admiral

litERALLY everYTHING teehehehe

except for the vampires :DD

yes martin you are my reason 🙄

Voting ended onFeb 7, 2023

[annabelle--cane]

why did sasha james go so hard. she hated horror movies she walked directly into danger at all times she committed murder she was marked by two entities within seconds of each other she had no concept of privacy she spoke with a slight lisp she almost died saving tim her name was enough to goad jon into murder 126 episodes after her death she knew gertrude's disappearance was fishy from day one she had no external friends she worked in the field for a decade she was so bad at archiving and she was in SIX episodes. she was even aro.

[majinie]

thinking about him

[annabelle--cane]

average season one tma episode is like. statement of bernadetta mcmickison about her friend emily's tragic death at the hands of the hat man, original statement given october 16, 2011. statement begins. so let's get one thing straight: I hate your fucking institute. you stupid bitches think ghosts are real which OBVIOUSLY they aren't but I did see a ghost this one time and you're the only people dumb enough to listen to me so here I am ig :/ . you're going to read this and think, "bernadetta, you clearly killed emily yourself" and while, yes, I did push her in front of several buses, it wasn't my fault when she died. I do sometimes wonder, though, if I hadn't pushed her in front of that fourth bus, if she would still be alive today... anyway, I digress. this all started last april, when I severely concussed myself on my way in to work at the torment nexus factory. torment nexus assembly is a long tradition in my family, going back decades--

[phantomrose96]

Jon is funny as a supernatural denier because he actually doesn’t play that role straight at all. Like normally the supernatural denier is staunchly like “there is ALWAYS a rational explanation” until finally they’re convinced of one (1) supernatural thing and they go “my god I’ve been wrong all along.”

And Jon is funny because actually he’s already been convinced twice and his stance is still just “there’s almost definitely a rational explanation for things, except for these TWO very specific and fucked up supernatural entities that I hate so fucking much.”

[arisingonmorningsinnocent]

what always gets me about s1 jon’s skepticism (as a certified jon sims stan) is that

1) he was right. he was literally right. his assessment of the situation, despite being limited and vague due to only having access to limited and vague information, was factually correct in the major points. i will never ever get over that. he literally said in #039: although most of the statements we get aren’t real, i’m certain that the ones i have to record on a tape recorder are. and when i record these statements, i sense that a force outside of myself takes control of me. something that is always watching us here in the institute,and that wants us to be afraid. and like??? that IS what’s happening! that’s exactly what’s happening! that’s a surprisingly accurate description of how the beholding is using jon and the archives. and although feigning skepticism might not have been a successful strategy, i actually think that it was the most logical strategy to try. like ok, you don’t know exactly what’s going on here but you can tell that something Bad is observing your fear and taking satisfaction from it? simply refuse to be afraid. don’t take the bait that this entity gives you. do everything you can not to get sucked in so you don’t give it what it wants. i mean, that’s what joshua gillespie (coffin guy) did, and we’re always talking about how he was basically the only statement giver with brain cells. anyway, s1!jon made the right call on this one, and if there was a way out i think he would have found it. its just that there was never going to be a way out, because that’s how it goes in the world of tma. but jon was still doing the right thing, you know?

2) he didn’t let his fake skepticism get in the way of helping people. that’s why relistening to s1 after getting to the season finale and learning that jon was lying is so much fun for me; it’s fascinating to listen to early statements and realize how many of his supplementals are just “obviously this ludicrous story isn’t worth taking seriously or following up on at all” [spends another several minutes describing how he had the archives gang follow up on every possible lead, no matter how small, even if it required stealing police files or combing through years of accident reports] [provides details that show exactly what he thinks happened without admitting on the record that anything supernatural happened at all, wink wink] “anyway, that was a waste of time and no reasonable person would give a shit about this. fuck you” like??? jonathan sims my beloved.

anyway i also love memeing on how absurd jon’s skepticism was at face value but like,,,,,, appreciation post for how great it is to hear the early episodes again once you know what he’s doing and why.

[phantomrose96]

Every time I said Jon was way too mean to Martin in season 1 is really laughable actually now that I'm on season 2.

Season 1 Jon "I sent Martin, that doddering fool and stain on my work-life, to go investigate. As can be expected he found nothing useful, and was dumb the whole time. His poetry is terrible."

Season 2 Jon "Martin's been saying things like 'Are you okay, Jon?' and 'How are you feeling after the attack, Jon?' and 'I'm worried about your health, Jon' which I believe means he's trying to kill me. He made me tea with no sugar, how I like it, which leads me to believe he's trying to kill me. He's been ignoring work to check in on me and make sure I'm okay, which likely means he's trying to kill me. All this leads me to believe he may be trying to kill me. His poetry is terrible."

[splitting-infinities]

S4 Jon, staring at the computer screen:I just woke up from a coma, can’t I catch one single break

Computer screen:

[bizarreandjarring]

people seemed to share my love of agnes trying to be a Normal Human and it got me thinking of more very Normal pastimes for her

[artyphex]

TMA Relisten thought #13533: I know the “man and his beetle wife” episode is clowned on a lot for being an objectively hilarious concept but I remember the first time I listened to it and then getting to the end, and hearing Jon go “This uh…this is written in French. All of it. I don’t- I don’t speak…” and my blood went cold

[annabelle--cane]

martin blackwood is like. he's the kindest person ever he thinks people should die if they mess with his vibes he sticks up for the defenseless he's got incredibly black and white morality he'll always give the benefit of the doubt except no he won't <3 he has much direct experience with harmful institutions and knows how to circumvent them he thinks cops can never break laws he checks up on people he barely knows to make sure they're okay he likes maybe four max people in the whole show he loves having control in situations he fucking detests making choices he thinks everyone's experience of the world has inherent value but he WILL decide to spread unimaginable horrors to infinite people for personal gain. he's a very terrible very good person and he's my best friend :)

[hawkfurze]

One of my favorite things about Season 5 of The Magnus Archives is the fact that Jon’s fantasies consist of a Coffee Shop AU like scenario where he and Martin meet and fall in love under normal circumstances while Martin’s is of him brutally murdering his boss then making out with Jon over his corpse.

[seraphsgrace]

jon’s little “you don’t sound?? russian??” when he first meets nikola is so funny to me in retrospect bc it’s just. the wildest thing to nitpick in that moment. he’s got the world’s scariest clown mannequin ominously standing in the corner in complete darkness, telling him it killed at least one notable man, and his next thought is “why does she have an english accent tho” like ??? even funnier when you consider his question after that was “are you going to kill me” implying that the accent was more pressing to him than his safety,,, buddy you are so stupid sometimes

[muttdogbaby]

Listening to season one of the magnus archives is funny because Jonathan sims pours out his creative soul into a masterpiece of a horror story and then when he’s done has to go record himself being like “listen to this man what utter bollocks, what complete and utter horseshit,. I’ve never read such terrible crap in my whole life. Jesus Christ.”

[mariorsomething]

literally the character ever