Wow that anon was rude. I don’t know why people think they can just demand stuff from writers. It doesn’t work like that! ⭐️
This is true, it doesn’t work like that, but I’m not taking it as rude so it’s ok! If people want to see my writing then that’s a positive, it’s been pretty quiet recently!
Happy birthday for tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to put like a wish list thing on your bio so people can buy you stuff!!!!!
Thank you! 🥰
I’m not sure people will want to do that! I have a books wish list I could possibly post but obviously not expecting anything from people if they don’t want to. I’ll have a think.
Addie which day is your birthday this month? I know its this April because of the challenge thing but dont know what day! And I wanna say happy birthday on the right day ha ha ha
Hello lovely, my birthday is tomorrow (27th April) ♥️
I’ve got no idea when you sent this so not sure you’ll see my reply in time 😂
R you posting more of the birthday challenge? It’s like April 15th and ur no were near
I will yes. I’m much better at ensuring I don’t get stressed about getting parts out on Tumblr to the detriment of my social life, or work life, and April is a busy month! I never said it would be parts out each day (my ADHD brain would never let me focus enough to do that!) but that I would randomise songs each day and write parts for them, which I have done, I know the songs, just gotta finish writing bits! I have another three pieces to post at some point next week, but it’s my birthday tomorrow so it’ll probably be the latter end of the week!
Are we ever getting more of minds and secrets? I don’t wanna bug but I need the next parts and it’s been so long. Luv you though. 🐸
Yes yes you will. It’s been a series I’ve put so much into I want to be sure it’s being done right. If I rush parts and then they end up being utter crap I will just be annoyed at myself and you guys won’t enjoy them! I’m working on them though, I promise!
a/n: here’s the next part! it follows immediately after the last! hope y’all enjoy it <3 i do really love this story and despite the lack of interaction, i will keep writing it just for the sake of warming my own heart heh :)
warnings: singlemom!reader, domestic!bucky, alpine barnes, klondike wilson (oc - sam’s dog <3), feelings are expressed!!! slight angst/comfort vibes, kissing lol, and fluffy fluffy fluff!!!
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After the difficult conversation in the hallway, you ended up collapsing into Bucky’s arms, a sobbing mess.
He didn’t ask questions, didn’t force you to explain why you were feeling the way you were, and didn’t push you away.
He simply let you cry into his chest, held you close, and let you go when you were ready.
“I’m here, (Y/n). I’ve got you,” he whispered, cradling the back of your head and kissing atop your hair as you sobbed into his chest.
After allowing yourself a few moments to release your emotions, you finally caught your breath. With a fresh inhale, you finally pulled off of him, finding the courage to give him a small smile to let him know that you were going to be okay.
“(Y/n), I—“ he stopped himself, then continued. “I’m here for you.”
“Thank you, Bucky,” you nodded. “Thank you.”
“Try to get some sleep tonight, okay?” he gently rubbed your shoulder.
“Okay,” you nodded again.
And you did sleep. You slept ten, straight, solid hours; that has to be a record for you. And when your son wakes you up the next morning telling you his ‘tummy is hungry’, you feel genuinely refreshed.
At breakfast, much to Jasper’s excitement, you agree to go to Sam’s for the weekend. Thankfully, you already have the weekend off, starting today, so you start packing while Bucky’s at work and Jasper’s at school.
Midway through the day, a large package arrives at the house: a tall, brown box with an Amazon logo on the sides. You don’t remember ordering anything, so you peek at the shipping label.
As you could’ve guessed, it’s addressed to ‘James Barnes’, and so you haul it through the front door for him to open when he gets home. But your curiosity gets the best of you and you start flipping it around and shaking it back and forth to try to see what it is.
“What the hell could this be?” you say to yourself, just as Alpine shows up and starts walking around the big box, using her little, pink nose to check it out and rubbing up against the sides.
When she decides it’s obviously not a point of interest, she prances away into the living room and perches herself on the warm, sunny windowsill.
Sighing from unsatisfied interest, you decide to get back to doing some laundry to make sure you and Jasper have enough clothes for the weekend.
Later in the afternoon, once you’ve picked up Jasper from school and after Bucky has returned back home, you hear him bring the package from the entryway to the kitchen where he takes a pair of scissors to the brown box. Jasper’s interest is piqued, leaving his wooden jellyfish puzzle in the living room as he runs over to watch the man break open the packaging.
“Woah!” you hear your son exclaim, bringing back some of your own curiosity. You leave your suitcase and wander downstairs to find the two boys standing in the kitchen, unwrapping what looks to be a toddler car seat.
“Pretty cool, hm?” Bucky chuckles, but Jasper now seems to be more intrigued by the giant sheets of bubble wrap.
summary: Jasper makes you and Bucky his “balentines”. You and Bucky partake in a playful discussion about your ages, and an unintentionally intimate moment is shared between the two of you after you help him out of a dark place one night. Bucky invites you and Jasper up to Sam’s for the weekend. Jasper has some questions about the household dynamic.
a/n: this story is definitely becoming something that im doing for myself lol. it’s not getting the interaction i had hoped for but im too in love with it to stop writing. eventually, i may stop posting updates and write it just to get the words out, but we’ll see lol. thank you to those of you who share your love with me, i really appreciate you💘
warnings: singlemom!reader, domestic!bucky, more feelings UGH, bucky has a panic attack, there is 1 (one) kiss exchanged, alpine barnes, jasper is kinda pouty in this one lol, age gap mention (reader early 20s and bucky 39, but it’s more of a plot point), mentions of past relationship, brief mention of intoxication while driving, ummm i think that’s all?
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The fresh layer of snow that’s building up on the roads makes you grateful you’re not driving your old car anymore. After all, it is New York in the middle of February, and Mother Nature sure knows how to prolong the winter season.
Luckily, your lunch hour at work aligns with Jasper’s dismissal time, so you get to pick him up before going back to work again. Bucky offered to pick him up in addition to dropping him off this morning, but you wanted to spend at least some time with your son today.
After you pull into the parking lot of Jasper’s school, you slide out of the car, opting to leave it running so it stays warm inside, and make your way over to where you spot the teachers leading classes out of the building. You don’t wait long at all before you spot Jasper’s teacher with all the little tots following behind.
“Mama!” Jasper says, running straight to you when he sees you, all bundled up to the max, snow pants and all.
With how cold it’s been lately, the teachers make sure that the kiddos have enough layers on before they leave for the day. Jasper’s little backpack bounces behind him with every clumsy step he takes; he’s definitely not the most agile child, and especially not while he’s wearing three layers of clothes and his clunky little winter boots.
“Mm, hi, Bubba,” you say, scooping him up and holding him close, and he presses his soft, squishy cheek to yours. “How was school?”
“Good!” he sighs with contentment.
“That’s good,” you tug his hat further over his little ear, then begin the walk back to the car. “Did you like having Bucky drop you off this morning?”
“Yeah! Is he home?” Jasper asks, and when he references Bucky’s house as ‘home’, your heart skips a beat.
summary: Settling into living with Bucky is a smoother transition than you expected, especially when it comes to Jasper’s adjustment. Bucky invites you to join him on the journey to care for his mental health. You think you start to feel differently about Bucky after sharing a few intimate moments with him.
warnings: singlemom!reader, mentions of the military/air force, mentions of mental heath concerns, domestic!bucky, slight coffeeshop!bucky, dad!bucky undertones, apline barnes, bucky goes to therapy, general hurt/comfort (bucky is hurting, reader is comforting), feelings get involved! this part gets a lil sad in some parts, so please let me know what warnings i missed!
a/n: here it is! this is the next part of my very first bucky barnes series, and it’s something that i’ve been wanting to get out there for almost two years now. i’m really falling in love with the awkward, soft, back and forth dynamic between bucky and the reader and i hope yall are, too. thank you all for the continued support! if this is something you like, please reblog, like, and share :)
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Another month passes, bringing the three of you into the New Year together. By now, you’ve settled in quite nicely to living at Bucky’s. Sure, you have to share a bed with your toddler son, but it’s better than not having an apartment at all, so you’re not complaining. Besides, Jasper’s so little you practically have the bed all to yourself, anyways.
The first couple nights, however, when he was still getting used to the new living space, Jasper did want to cuddle up into your chest. The first nights were long and hard for you, personally. You were up all night, worrying it would be too hard for Jasper to adjust to this sudden change. You feared the switch up would be too much for your son. But it proved to be quite the opposite; you’ve never seen him so happy. Bucky has become the best male figure in Jasper’s life so far, and it makes you think you’ve finally done something right in your life for him.
Spending Christmas and New Year with Bucky was also quite possibly the happiest you’ve seen Jasper. You never really had the means - or desire - to celebrate and be festive for the holiday season, but Bucky made sure to show you his small, yet meaningful traditions.
One day, Bucky and Jasper spent all day in the kitchen making cookies, and eventually convinced you to join them. The three of you visited a picture-perfect tree farm to pick out the picture-perfect tree. Then, of course, you decorated the tree and Bucky’s house together, and it was the cutest thing to see Bucky holding up Jasper to hang ornaments on the tree and string lights around various places in the house.
Although you urged him not to get Jasper anything when you found out that’s what he planned on doing, Bucky simply couldn’t resist. He surprised the tot on Christmas morning with the cutest little orca whale plushie you think you’ve ever seen. It was the sweetest thing to watch your son open the gift, then leap into Bucky’s arms. And now, he sleeps with the little whale every night.
Bucky has proved himself to be the only man you think you’ve connected with in a positive way, and the only member of the male gender you think you’ll ever trust again. Aside from maybe Jasper, too.
–
“Here, bub. Take these to our room,” you instruct Jasper as you hand him his folded pairs of socks and lift him off the dryer. You finally have a Saturday off, so you decided to catch up on chores while you have the time.
“Top ‘jore?” he asks.
“Top drawer,” you nod back and smile at how serious he takes the job.
But just as Jasper starts to run out of the room, Bucky walks in, causing the little guy to run straight into the grown man’s legs.
“Oh, sorry, Sport,” Bucky says, gently patting the boy’s back.
“You’re back!” Jasper exclaims, hugging him tightly around the legs.
Bucky had an opening shift at the coffee shop this morning and to say Jasper was disappointed that the three of you couldn’t have breakfast all together would be a tremendous understatement.
“Yeah, I’m back,” Bucky nods, leaning over to hug him back. “Look at you. Bein’ an awesome helper for your Mama this mornin’.”
And you don’t know why, but seeing Bucky act so sweetly and domestically around you and Jasper makes your tummy do flips. You don’t know if he is aware of just how much he means to you and your son.
summary: When you get thrown into a difficult situation, as always, Bucky’s there for you. You and Jasper finally meet Sam. Thank god for Bucky.
warnings: a few bad language words, angst/comfort, probably inaccurate contractual things, domestic!bucky? mentions of anxiety, mentions of finances/living situations. (chapter characters: singlemom!reader, jasper, bucky barnes, sam wilson, natasha romanoff, alpine!)
a/n: sorry to be a pain but i’m reposting this since it was taken down for some reason??? i literally hate it here, i’m super duper frustrated. also, as always, if you like this, please reblog it! please don’t let this flop! i love this story and want to continue it! but i don’t want to put time and energy into another fic if it’s not something that people will read/share :(
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Weeks pass and staying in contact with Bucky has become part of your daily routine. Jasper begs to see him at least every other day, so it’s not something you can avoid. From frozen yogurt dates, to walks in the park after school, to the Sunday matinee of some animated kids movie, Bucky’s nearly become your son’s favorite human. Of course, after you, that is. No one will ever top Mama.
It’s unusual, but you feel safe with him. Green flags start popping up left and right whenever you’re around Bucky. It’s clear that Jasper feels comfortable with him, and after the time he scooped your son out of the parking lot, you don’t doubt his safety for a minute when he’s with Bucky. As for your own feelings for the man with the metal arm, you feel like you can open up and talk to him about anything and everything. Anything from your past that people had told you not to do or say or think, you feel like you can express freely around Bucky. You completely let down your walls around him, and it feels fantastic after having them up for so long.
The icing on the cake is when he texts you to let you know he’s got the job at Nat’s place. He hadn’t even told you that he was applying, so you figured it was because he didn’t want you to talk to Nat about him, like you’d teased about the first time you grabbed coffee together. He’s beyond excited to start working there and it makes you happy to see him so happy.
And whenever your car starts to act up again, Bucky is your go-to. Of course, it’s an understatement to say that Jasper is excited to see that black car sitting in the parking lot anytime Bucky would have to take you to pick him up after school, knowing full well the three of you would be going back to Nat’s coffee shop for an after school hot chocolate.
Eventually, your car gives out for good, and you wouldn’t be so upset about it if you hadn’t put so much money into repairs that were beyond Bucky’s garage knowledge. You have to convince Bucky out of giving you the tips he’s made at the coffee shop but it’s hard to do since he’s so persistent. You cough up what you can for a new (to you) car that’s more reliable, and it puts you in a rough financial position. However, thanks to the generosity of your boss and your dedication to your job, you earn a small bonus just in time, and it tides you over for a few weeks.
–
The frigid December air stings your cheeks and you feel as if you can’t get from the parking garage to inside the building fast enough. Your hands are occupied carrying long overdue groceries and your fingers feel as if they may freeze off. Once inside, you take in a breath of the warm air, inhaling the faint scent of lavender in the apartment lobby. You fumble around to make your keys accessible to you, check your mailbox, and shove the letters haphazardly into one of the grocery bags before walking over to the elevator, stepping in, and pressing your floor’s button.
Getting your door open is a hassle, too, and thanks to the sudden change in temperature, you feel your nose start to run. Sniffling as you manage to unlock your door, you huff out in frustration when you feel your phone start to buzz in your pocket. Scrambling through the door to set your bags down on the counter, you sigh as you pull out your phone, seeing it’s Nat who’s calling.
“Hey,” you answer.
“Hey,” Natasha echoes, and it feels so nice to hear her voice again.
“What’s up? How are you?”
“Doing well. Just thought I’d check in with you. How’s everything holding up with you guys?”
“It’s alright! How’s the West Coast?” you laugh, knowing that she’s in Los Angeles with the higher-ups, in hopes to start a franchise line of her own coffee shops country-wide.
“Warm,” she laughs, and the sound of her laughter, although distorted from the slightly unstable cell signal, brings you comfort.
“God, I’m jealous,” you laugh right back.
“I’ll bring some of the warm weather back with me,” she jokes.
“That would be much appreciated. When will you be back?”
“I’m thinking a week from tomorrow. Think you can make it that long without me?”
“It’ll be a stretch, but I think I’ll manage,” you chuckle. “Jasper, on the other hand, I’m not so sure about.”
Even when you are in meetings, he makes sure that you are sitting next to each other so he can rest a hand on the back of your chair, or on your knee under the desk.
When Peter made the bizarre choice to sit between you a few weeks ago, Steve's face was pink with anger and he refused to participate in the meeting. Even when Fury called for him to answer a question. He just sat there with his arms crossed.
Sam had to put a ban on the two of you sitting on the armchair together after your last PDA on movie night last month. In his words "the kissing during Jurassic World, along with Clint's gagging noises really ruined the vibe."
When Tony finally let you move into a bigger room in Avengers Tower, Bucky put in a petition for the two of you to be given your own floor instead as he refused to live next door to you.
When Steve is on missions, you can't sleep. You have to teach him how to Facetime so you can see each other's faces before you go to bed.
The day he gets home you lock yourselves away until Nat comes and drags you out to the kitchen to eat.
Past boyfriends have always moaned about how cold your feet are, refusing to cuddle in bed because you would put your feet on them to warm up.
But Steve's super soldier body isn't phased, and he lets you tuck your feet between his to warm up.
On your first holiday together, you tuck yourself into his arm on the plane, desperate to have every part of you touching him to help with the fear of flying.
You pout when he wants to check-in to the hotel without you, leaving you to wait in the lobby, wanting to stand beside him and hold his hand.
But you don't know that he has to do it without you so it doesn't spoil the surprise.
Pairing: Prince!Bucky x Princess!Reader (Royal AU)
Summary: Obedience, duty, pristine smiles—raised as the princess of an oppressive kingdom, you knew nothing else. Your father signed your life away at the ripe age of five, black ink bleeding into a contract between nations, fate cemented with the flick of a quill. So when the time came to fulfill the promises you were too young to make, you expected much of the same in the land of Brookshire. But Prince James had other plans, as did the enemies looming outside the castle walls.
Warnings: Angst (a lot), misogyny, arranged marriages, made up royal politics, injury, cannon-level violence, pining and slow-burn!!!
a/n: Chapter updates will be every Saturday morning! The taglist is closed, but you can also follow my library blog @pellucid-library for update notifications 🤍
Here is a link to my ko-fi if you are enjoying my stuff! :)
“Hello?! Earth to Y/N?” Sam waves a hand in front of your face to try and get your attention, huffing loudly when he realises what’s happened. Again.
“Please let me introduce you, for the love of God, please. I can’t stand this anymore.”
“No! Don’t! I just…” your voice quiets as you watch him, like always, the famous Captain Steve Rogers makes you so starstruck that you can’t even form sentences.
“It’s just embarrassing now. I’m embarrassed for you. Look. You’re beautiful, he’s beautiful, what’s to lose?” You slap at his arm playfully.
“I’m fine. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You just want to stand there staring like a creep, I get that, but how about we stop that, eh?” Your eyes widen in panic when you realise what Sam is about to do, you want to run, but your feet won’t move.
He walks right up to him, pointing back to where you are standing like an idiot, mouth open. They both share a joke, and when Cap makes eye contact with you, your belly fizzles with nerves. The two of them walk over to you, and the smile on Sam’s face makes you want to hit him.
“Steve, this is Y/N. Y/N, meet the Cap.”
He holds out a hand to you. “Nice to meet you finally, I’ve heard so much about you.” He smirks, squeezing your hand reassuringly. You have to fight the urge to run away, the interaction sending your whole body into full blown panic mode.
“I’ll leave you to it.” Sam announces, you start to protest but he’s already gone, only glancing back to wink at you.
You slowly turn back to face Steve, who is now smiling at you cockily.
“Don’t do that.” You laugh, trying to pull away, the scent of him turning your brain to mush.
“Do what? I’m just talking to a fan.”
“Oh I’m a fan alright. Just not right here, in the middle of the office for everyone to see.”
“You’d think after the last few months, you’d finally stop going into panic mode whenever our paths cross at work.” He whispers, pulling you closer by your hand which is still wrapped up in his.
“Stop, people will see.” You whisper through your smile, teeth clenched as you try to ignore what he’s doing to you.
“Can’t I just show my girlfriend some love? I’ve missed you.”
“You only saw me this morning.” He turns to pull you into an empty office behind him, letting go of your hand before loudly announcing.
"Y/N, I could really use your expertise with the paperwork for the mission last week. Care to join me?" He opens the door wide, gesturing for you to enter.
"You're such an idiot." You laugh, rolling your eyes and shaking your head as you walk past him into the room.
"Says the person who has a meltdown at work when you see me."
“I can’t help it, I get starstruck around you.”
"Starstruck you say?" He teases, locking the door behind him and pulling you closer. "If it's stars you're after, I think I can try and make you see stars..." He leans in closer, brushing his lips to your jaw line, working down your neck as he pushes you against the desk...
Losing him is blue, like I'd never known. Missing him was dark grey, all alone. Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met. But loving him was red.
“To Kelly, may married life be everything that you ever dreamed of!” You call out, trying to speak up over the loud music of the bar, raising your champagne flute towards the middle of the table.
“To Kelly!” Your friends all call out and cheer, Kelly flushing over the attention, her little tiara that you bought her for her bachelorette sparkling in her hair.
After a few more cheers and mini toasts, the group breaks into smaller conversations, and Kelly pulls you to the side.
"I feel it's my duty as your best friend, with you being my Maid of Honour and everything, that I need to warn you..." She whispers, her eyes darting towards the bar. You frown at her, following her eyeline till you see him. You don’t need to search for long, your focus had always been pulled towards him, and the months without him in your life had been agony. “You ok?” Kelly asks, pulling you out of your thoughts.
“Yeah all good. I’m ok. Perfectly fine, 100%, a-ok.” Kelly lets a laugh slip through her lips and you huff in response. “OK, maybe I’m not 100%, but somewhere in the high 80s for sure, I can cope.” At that moment, Bucky laughs at something a friend says and your stomach clenches at the familiarity it brings to you. His eyes crinkle at the edges and his hair falls into his face, your fingers itch to reach out to him and fix his hair. You shake the thought out of your mind, turning your attention back to Kelly. “Maybe 75?”
Kelly grabs at your hand and pulls you towards the dance floor. “OK, miss 75%, let’s go dance our butts off and get you somewhere into the 90s, maybe even find you a guyyyy.” She wiggles her eyebrows at you suggestively. You roll your eyes, but let her drag you to the dance floor anyway, your eyes darting to the bar one last time before focusing on the crowd ahead, just as Bucky looks your way, a sad smile pulling at his lips as he watches you walk away.
Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street. Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly. Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall. Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all.
“I’m all danced out.” You puff, dropping into the space beside Kelly in the booth. Fiddling with the strap of your shoe you free your foot briefly, stretching out and wiggling your toes.
Kelly just rolls her eyes at you, and after a quick shot that was left on the table she’s desperate to get back out there. “C’mon Y/N, again again. I love this song!”
“You’ve said that about the last five songs.” You laugh out, reaching down to knead at your foot before strapping your shoe back on. “I’m not dancing again, I need a break, and a drink.”
“Then we drink!” She replies, pulling you back up to stand with her. “To the bar!” She announces, strutting towards the bar with you hot on her heels.
“Kelly, wait! I thought we were avoiding the bar because of…” you’d been so busy looking around you that you come to a sudden stop, a solid figure standing in front of you, blocking your way. Starting at his feet you see a familiar pair of shoes, eyes travelling up the familiar looking legs, to the torso you knew like the back of your hand, finally your eyes land on the face of someone you had always described as the ‘one who got away’. The one that you let get away. “Bucky...”
He doesn’t seem startled by your presence, as if he already knew you were there. His eyes stay locked on yours and he reaches out a hand to steady you as you sway slightly in front of him. He maintains eye contact with you until you both hear Kelly calling your name.
“Oh, hi, Bucky. Fancy seeing you here. Small world eh?” Kelly rambles, gesturing for you to step out of Bucky’d orbit and follow her back to the bar. Clearing your throat, you go to speak, but nothing comes out. He smiles a knowing smile, giving your arm a squeeze.
“It was real good to see you doll, you look…” he smiles sadly, the nickname he saved for you making your stomach flip, he pulls his hand away from you and rubs at his face. “You look, really good Y/N.” Before you get a chance to form an intelligible reply, he disappears back into the crowd and you are left with Kelly looking at you with disapproval.
“What?” You make to carry on heading to the bar, but she tries to stop you.
“Don’t what me Y/N, what was that about?”
“Just, saying hi to an old friend.”
Kelly laughs out loud sarcastically, and she steps aside before following you to the bar. “Old friend. If that’s suddenly code for the one you let slip away then yeah, an old friend.”
“Don’t start this again please Kel, it’s your night, let’s get back to drinking. Shots! Let’s do shots!” You grab at her arm and pull her back to the bar.
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes. Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go. But moving on from him is impossible, when I still see it all in my head. In burning red.
Heading back to the table with your tray of shots you can immediately sense the atmosphere has changed. No one else is giddy with excitement, no one else is eyeing up guys on the dance floor, and most importantly, where there once was a pitcher of margaritas, is a large jug of water.
“Hey, what gives?” You motion to the jug, turning to Kelly, who made it back to the table before you.
“We’re worried about you.” Kelly starts, and the girls around the table nod in agreement. “You’ve not been yourself since things ended with he who we will not name, and seeing him tonight has proved our suspicions.”
“You’re not over him.” Wanda says gently from beside you, and you watch as she lays a soft hand over yours. When you look up, she offers you a sad smile, sending the tears prickling at the back of your eyes to spill down your cheeks. She gives you a moment to calm before she continues. “It’s ok to say you’re not ok y’know?”
You nod in acknowledgement, unsure if you have the voice to respond properly, your nodding only stopping as you spot Bucky again in the distance.
"What even happened?" Maria asks bluntly, both Kelly and Wanda flashing her warning looks from across the table whilst the group follows your eyeline and watches him from afar.
"C'mon, we were all thinking it. We were sure you two would be the next down the aisle. I mean, he was perfect for you, and it seemed like you two were end game.” Maria’s word vomit finally finishes, and the group is silent. When you look away from Bucky you find them all watching you, waiting hesitantly for you to speak.
“You’re right. He is perfect for me. We could have been end game. I just got... scared.”
“Scared?” Wanda tilts her head to the side, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. You’d never admitted your reasons for ending things to anyone. When Sam and Steve came to your house to tell you how heartbroken Bucky was, all but begging you to take him back, you couldn’t admit to anyone how terrified you were. You both fell so hard and fast, you felt petrified that you would lose him, couldn't comprehend how you had found him, and ended up pushing him away to stop the worrying, to try and stop the fear.
“Loving him was…intense. I fell for him quickly, I had no choice but to love him, like I was made to love him, and once the freefall started, I couldn't stop, I couldn't change my mind."
"I'm yet to hear anything negative." Sharon breaks your chain of thought to interrupt. "All I hear is that you broke Bucky's heart for no reason."
"Sharon, stop." Wanda shakes her head as Nat challenges Sharon. "We all know who's side you were on, but some of us love both of them, we want to understand, so let her finish."
"Thanks Nat." You take a moment, gathering your thoughts before you continue.
"You're right. I'm not over him. I'm not sure I ever will be. Losing him was the bluest period of my life, I miss him every day; any brightness in my life has turned to grey. I can't forget him, he's part of my life, ingrained in every part of my day. Trying to forget him would be like trying to get to know someone you've never even met. Impossible."
When you pause to look up, everyone is watching you closely, except for Kelly, who is looking across the club to where Bucky has been joined by Steve and her fiancé Sam. She pulls out her phone, quickly typing out a text, moments later, Sam pulls his phone out of his pocket, looking back to Kelly with a raised eyebrow. She nods quickly, then stops and tucks her phone back in her back as she realises the story has stopped and you are watching her.
"Just saying hi to Sam. Carry on Y/N, we're listening."
"I dream about him every night. That sounds so pathetic to admit. Like our life together echoes in my mind, with constant flashbacks, almost like my mind is telling me how much of an idiot I am. I know I should be over him, I tell myself that it's time to let go. But moving on from Bucky is impossible. I can't do it."
"What does that mean then?" Wanda asks, reaching out to you again. "Do you want him back?"
"Doesn't really matter what I want does it, I broke his heart. The look on his face when I ended things spins round and round in my head on repeat. He won't want me back." You finish sadly, reaching out for the tray of shots in front of you, downing three before Wanda can stop you.
"I need to dance again. This is far too depressing for a bachelorette party Kelly, I'm so sorry I've brought everyone d....down." You look to where Kelly was sat, but she's gone. Wanda shrugs her shoulders when you question her, and if you weren't so tipsy again you would have noticed how Nat and Maria refused to make eye contact with you.
"Let's get some water down you first." Wanda pulls the jug of water closer, grabbing one of the plastic cups stacked up beside it to pour you a drink. The table empties as the girls wander off to dance, Nat announcing that Steve was her target for the night as she heads back to the bar.
"Are you disappointed in me?" You whisper. Wanda scoffs as she lifts the cup to your lips and forces you to drink.
"For what? Feeling scared? Of course not. I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing it, for not helping you."
"If I'd just told you, or Kelly..."
"Stop Y/N. What do you gain from talking about what ifs, what does that achieve?"
You smile sadly at her, and she reaches out to pull you into a hug. "Let's go join the girls." She whispers, standing up from her seat and pulling you towards the group standing at the edge of the dancefloor.
The group is bigger than when they left, with Steve dancing with Nat's arms wrapped around his neck. When you recognise Sam's outline standing beside Kelly in the distance you immediately panic, looking around to see if you can find Bucky. When Kelly spots you, she beams at you, motioning for you to dance with her.
"You ok?" She whisper shouts into your ear to be heard above the music.
Nodding you reply, "I'm ok. I'm always going to love him, I've just got to accept that. I was an idiot. Made the wrong decision and that's it."
She smiles at you as you continue dancing.
"I know that smile, doesn't mean it's all suddenly going to be perfect and roses at the wedding. I'm not sure I can manage walking down the aisle next to him."
"That hurts my heart to hear doll. I was looking forward to having you on my arm."
You freeze on the spot, your arms held unnaturally at your sides as if standing still will make you invisible. As your heart steadies to turn to the voice you remember so well.
"I just...well it would just be awkward wouldn't it?" You reply, trying desperately to fake your confidence. "We can't be showing up the bridge and groom now can we?"
Bucky smiles, his eyes crinkling as a chuckle escapes his throat. The two of you just watch each other, oblivious to the whispers from the group around you.
"I don't think I've seen him smile like that for months." Sam whispers to Kelly as they watch the two of you.
"Clearly we should have just got them drunk months ago..." Nat whispers to Steve, who scoffs in response.
"Bucky has been drunk plenty of times, trust me, it hasn't been pretty. We needed them drunk together."
"Do you want to dance?" Bucky asks, breaking the silence between the two of you, holding his hand out for you to take, leading you through the throng of people on the dancefloor.
Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.
As you make it to a empty spot in the middle, the up-tempo song suddenly changing for a slow romantic song.
"How you been?" Bucky asks as you reach your arms up, hooking your hands together at the back of his neck.
"Is that how we're doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"Pretending like there isn't this...pressure between us."
"You think there's pressure?"
You tilt your head, trying to read his expression. His eyes dart around your face, taking in your features after so long without your face in his life.
"I think there's a lot of unresolved stuff."
"There's only one of us to blame for that." His serious expression changes, quickly smiling when he sees the shock on yours. "I'm joking, I'm joking."
The silence between you returns, and you focus on a spot in the distance, trying to avoid his eyes which are still watching you.
"I'm sorry." He whispers, breaking the silence after a minute.
You can't stop the frown on your face as you meet his eyes again. "You're sorry? Why are you sorry?"
"For whatever it was I did."
You shake your head fiercely, pulling your arms back from around his neck, turning away from him slightly to keep him out of your eyeline. "You did nothing. It was all me Buck, I'm an idiot."
He doesn't reply, waiting for you to continue.
"I got scared Buck. It sounds so stupid, but I loved, love you so deeply, so hard, I fell so fast..."
A smile pulls at Bucky's lips as he hears your correction, but he doesn't interrupt you.
"I was an idiot, I'm so sorry for hurting you. It's something I will regret for the rest of my life."
Bucky stays silent for a moment, waiting for you to turn back round to face him. When you finally turn to look at him, the expression on his face is unexpected. He's smiling, his eyes are soft as they watch you and you feel your cheeks flush at the intensity of his gaze.
"What?" You have to ask when he doesn't speak.
"You love me?" He asks, the smile still not leaving his face. "You still love me?" You don't know how to respond, confused that this is his response, only nodding.
"So, you still love me...and I still love you..." Your eyes widen at his admission, but he continues speaking before you can reply. "I don't care what happened, I want to know now, do you still want to be with me?"
His eyes lock on yours, reaching down to hold your hands. "Y/N, you love me yeah? Do you still want to be with me?"
"Yes." You whisper, and whilst Bucky doesn't hear your voice he understands what you've said, his eyeline dipping to your lips. He leans down towards you, hesitating to let you make the final move. When your lips finally touch, you hear the cheers erupt from the other side of the dancefloor. You break away from the kiss, catching sight of your friends celebrating and jumping around like idiots as they watch you.
"Idiots." Bucky mutters, pulling you towards him and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "Wanna get out of here?" You nod and he pulls you towards your friends, offering quick goodbyes in your desperation to leave.
"How you feeling now?" Kelly whispers excitedly as she and Sam follow you outside, Bucky holds out his arm to hail a cab as you turn to face her.
"100%, no wait, 200%, I can't put a number to it. I didn't think this was possible Kel." Bucky squeezing your hand pulls your attention back to him just as a cab pulls up in front of you.
"Ready doll?"
"I'm ready." He opens the cab door for you, holding your hand tightly as you duck into the car. You shout your goodbyes to Sam and Kelly, Bucky ducking to follow you into the car
"I love you." He whispers in your ear and pressing a kiss to your neck.
"I love you too." You reply, beaming at him, he dips to kiss you again, you feel the flush rising up again from your chest up your neck.
