Mary Patterson Broome

Mostly writing, sometimes performing.

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I am a writer and comedian currently based in Greenville, South Carolina. This website showcases YouTube videos I've created or helped create, published writing and live performances - please judge accordingly!

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Love You, Hate Your Furniture | Mary Patterson Broome | Substack

A Substack about getting married and (very quickly) having a baby later in life. Click to read Love You, Hate Your Furniture, by Mary Patter

For more recent writing, please follow me on Substack!

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Introducing sound artist Dawn Trelby

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Pregnant Women Don't Want Your Advice

And for heaven's sake don't touch their belly.#sotrueyall #itsasouthernthing

Feel very torn about how much I’m gonna put my baby on the Internet but I think a sketch while she’s still in the womb is acceptable.

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Made this with my very talented colleagues at It’s a Southern Thing. Truthfully, being out of the South for 14 years made me forget about the fact that I am now officially “ma’am” status here. I left when I was 22 and at the time, never got called “ma’am” anywhere. I still shudder a little any time I hear it but am trying to come to terms with it—I am 37 after all, well past “Miss” status. 

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My life story in a video.

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Where Are They Now: The Instagram Influencer Edition

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After YEARS of trying to convince myself that “all natural peanut butter” is better for me and somehow just as satisfying in taste, I am happy to announce that I’ve returned to Jif. Honestly, life is too short to keep pretending the all natural, nothing-but-peanuts-and-maybe-salt sh*t is good. Jif is why we all started loving peanut butter in the first place. Jif is the PB of childhood—unless your parents did Peter Pan or Skippy, in which case, I’m very sorry.

If you’re out there still stomaching the Trader Joe’s all natural or Laura Scudder’s aggressively heavy glass jar or Justin’s (you must be a millionaire, if it’s the last one), I applaud you. I know fully hydrogenated vegetable oils probably (definitely) aren’t good for me but since I do not partake of alcohol or drugs, I think mainlining a tablespoon (or four) of Jif every day is justifiable.

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REMEMBER WHEN WE ALL HAD HOPE FOR 2020?

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What it’s like to return to the South after 14 years in California

Greetings, y'all! It feels really good to write that. I recently returned to the South after 14 years as a resident of California. I was born and raised in Mobile, Alabama, went to college in North Carolina, then moved to Los Angeles just a few months after I graduated to pursue a career in the ente...

I moved back to ‘bama after 14 years in LA! I came back for a comedy writing job. If you told me 14 years ago that I’d be going back in order to further my comedy career, I would have been like, whatever, and continued cursing through Los Angeles traffic. 

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My web series is on the ‘net. 

www.scottfromsanfrancisco.com

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Here’s my Marshall’s bit. 

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This Yelp review of a frozen yogurt place in my neighborhood is the best thing I’ve written in years, IMHO.