A bit like Australia but we don't have kangaroos

I'm not sure why I'm still here.

[skellydun]

????? march ?????? again ??????

[darnitjack]

When you're tired of being in the army

[just-shower-thoughts]

I wonder how long it will take for “Do you take card?” to become “Do you take cash?”

[massamartini]

Apparently about 5 and a half years 🤷‍♀️

[massamartini]

Hello friends

I have a boyfriend now

[massamartini]

This post is my yard stick for how infrequently I use Tumblr seeing as we got together in November 2016 and I've only posted 4 posts since then

[jayce]

[massamartini]

[just-shower-thoughts]

The fact whether a glass is half full or half empty can be determined form its past: if it was filled to its current state it’s half full and if emptied from a more full state it’s half empty.

[llnkneal]

auroralynches:

now that’s what i call ineffective tumblr discourse! featuring such hits as “why aren’t you talking about this thing you didn’t know about”, “this 3-hour-old post has 20k notes instead of 100k clearly you’re all willfully ignoring it”, “if you don’t reblog this you’re a bad person”, & more manipulative bullshit that only exists to make the person saying it feel holier than thou!

[wasureneba]

FYI, this is the kind of stuff that almost guarantees I will not reblog a post. I have no interest in using shaming tactics to get motherfucking reblogs.

[angry-eevee]

adult life might be full of pain and suffering but at least we dont have to do PE anymore

[massamartini]

Hello friends I have a boyfriend now

[charlesoberonn]

Favorite writing trope

Adding “as you do” after describing something that nobody does.

“So he went to hell to pick up his dead wife’s soul, as you do.”

“So she climbed up the tower with her robot hands, as you do.”

[exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear]

one time in an actual conversation I said something along the lines of “I made a flamethrower with a lighter and a can of compressed air, as you do” and the guy I was talking to was like “…no? I don’t???”

[whosaprettypolyglot]

Just out of curiosity, which do y’all prefer out of these two pairs?

I text him yesterday.

I texted him yesterday.

I screenshot it yesterday.

I screenshotted it yesterday.

ie do you prefer them invariable or not?

[massamartini]

1 and 4. I realise that's incredibly inconsistent...I used to use number 2 but one day I decided I didn't like it for some reason

[massamartini]

Brain: If you're not someone's favourite they don't like you at all

Me: That is literally not how it works

Brain: Okay but what if it is

[massamartini]

Loads of people I follow have changed URL and icon and I can't get anything from their bio and I don't know who anyone is anymore but I don't want to unfollow in case they're people I actually like lol

[massamartini]

Life goals

LET'S MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING MAPS

YOU NEED

A BIG SHEET OF PAPER & A PENCIL

SOME MOTHER FUCKING MACCARONI (MAKE SURE THEY’RE DRY BRO DON’T WANT NO STICKY-ICKY MAP)

AIGHT THAT SHIT DON’T LOOK LIKE NO COUNTRY I KNOW (EXCEPT MAYBE AUSTRALIA FUCK THEM THOUGH)

ORGANIZE YOUR MACCARONI! MAKE SOME FUCKING COASTLINES!

BETTER, BUT NOT FUCKING GOOD! WHATEVER, TRACE THE COASTLINE WITH YOUR PENCIL. BE SURE TO BE SLIGHTLY SQUIGGLY AND, OH, FUCK THOSE LITTLE ISLANDS YOU MADE THEY’RE NOT BIG ENOUGH TO BE WOBBLY ENOUGH SO YOU’RE BETTER OFF USING EITHER RICE (OR SIMILAR) OR JUST TRY TO MAKE SOME REALISTIC FUCKING ISLANDS (SPOILER: YOU WON’T)

GOOD ENOUGH I GUESS WHATEVER LOOK AT THAT VAGUE SORT OF ISLAND/COUNTRY/CONTINENT SHAPED PIECE OF SHIT. SEE THE ISLANDS? I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO DAWG.

NOW TAKE A SHARPIE AND MAKE EVEN SQUIGGLIER FUCKING LINES AS YOU FILL IN YOUR ISOUNINENT

LOOK AT THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF SHIT IT TOOK ME LITERALLY TEN MINUTES TO MAKE TOPS AND NOW YOU JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO PUT ALL YOUR DWARF-FUCKING ELVES AND LIZARD-PEOPLE WITH BOOBS

FUCKING GOOD JOB

[tkingfisher]

Some days my hope for humanity is restored in the most unusual ways…

[massamartini]

It looks like they drew the Tumblr logo at the bottom

[memeufacturing-deactivated20161]

envelope HQ

designer: lets attach adhesive for people to seal the envelope weird gary: no lets force them to lick it

[whosaprettypolyglot]

Fun linguistic thing: you know how mostly the phrase "give someone a lift" means to drive them somewhere, I've started noticing people from around Manchester use it to mean giving someone assistance/a hand ("give me a lift moving this stuff" etc) :)

oooh that’s cool ^^

[massamartini]

The Mancunians are more of a "gimme" than a "gizza" race lmao

[themusicalsciencegirl-deactivat]

The law forbidding citizens to criticize Henry VIII’s marriage to Anne Boleyn has just been repealed in Ireland what a time to be alive. 

[ryfkah]

time at last to achieve my long-held dream of flying to Ireland and shouting ‘HONESTLY YOU COULD’VE DONE BETTER, ANNE’