massiveshitlord

Christine, Denmark, 24.

[rogiboi]

had to make this a gif LMAOOO

[massiveshitlord]

Petition for calling hearses:

Corpse Cruiser(TM)

[uncannycookie]

Actually genuinenly enjoying my customer service job sometimes

Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”

Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*

Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”

Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*

Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”

Sheep: *VERY LOUD ACCUSATORY BAA*

Customer: “Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”

me: “I love and forgive him.”

Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”

Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*

[his-quietus-make]

I once took my kids to a local farm and we found a lil goat with its horns stuck in a fence, just sitting there kinda mournfully on the grass. We tried to help it get free but it was stuck tight. We petted it for a while and fed it some grass (as it had lawnmowered a circle around itself as far as it could reach), and then went back to the ticket office to tell them it needed help, but before I’d said more than: “There’s a goat-” the guy cut me off with a weary wave and said, “Yeah, we know. Stuck in the fence. That’s Brenda. She can get herself out whenever she wants. She just likes the attention.” 

Trolled by a fucking goat. 

[weezley]

i’m fucking dying “yeah that’s brenda”

[thoodleoo]

problems with millennials

they’re all following this jesus nonsense instead of the old roman religion

they only know what it’s like under the empire and not the glory of the res publica

all of them want to follow weird greek fashions like writing poetry and growing beards instead of following the mos maiorum and wearing togas

they’re all so used to this cushy “pax romana” nonsense that none of them want to conquer anything like their ancestors did, and they probably don’t even remember carthage

they have no idea what it was like living before the common era

have any of them ever risen up on their own to depose a king or stab a tyrant? i think not

[factsinallcaps]

CATS HAVE LIMITED OBJECT PERMANENCE AND DON’T ALWAYS UNDERSTAND THAT TWO DIFFERENT DOORS CAN LEAD TO THE SAME ROOM

[factsinallcaps]

thankyouforyourcooperation:

#SO IS THIS WHY MY CATS ASK TO BE LET IN BECAUSE IT’S RAINING #AND THEN IMMEDIATELY GO TO THE OTHER DOOR AND ASK TO BE LET OUT AGAIN? 

YUP, THAT’S WHY. CATS ARE BIG DUMMIES AND OFTEN SEE NO REASON WHY TWO DIFFERENT DOORS SHOULD LEAD TO THE SAME PLACE, SO THEY FIGURE THEY’LL CHECK IF IT’S ALSO RAINING IN THE OTHER OUTSIDE BEHIND THE OTHER DOOR. 

WHEN THE PROPRIETOR OF THIS BLOG WAS A CHILD, THE KITCHEN LED INTO THE DINING ROOM, WHICH LED INTO THE LIVING ROOM, WHICH LEAD INTO THE FRONT HALLWAY, WHICH LED BACK INTO THE KITCHEN, SO WHEN THE CATS WERE HUNGRY, THEY WOULD CHECK THEIR BOWLS, SEE THAT THEY WERE EMPTY, AND WALK ALL THE WAY AROUND THE HOUSE TO SEE IF THE OTHER BOWLS IN THE OTHER KITCHEN WERE ALSO EMPTY.

[doomy]

why is everyone screaming

[factsinallcaps]

FOR AN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION, I ADVISE YOU TO LOOK AT THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG. 

[sunjams]

[rosewater1997]

wish i were alive in 2000 BCE so i could have devoted my life to the moon goddess and die at the old age of 28

[gravegospel]

[gh0stichous]

Me when someone enters my room uninvited

[excima]

[tordenvejr]

me sending encouragement and compliments on anon

[elidaddyy]

x

[smalltomatokid-blog]

if anyone asks me what my sense of humour is i’m just gonna show them this

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I was at my cousin’s house for a family barbecue and she shushed us all bc her neighbor ‘The Captain’ was walking by with a dog, and he was just some skinny guy with a long ponytail and a captain’s hat walking an irish wolfhound so we all like ‘what’s the big deal’ but she told us to wait and then like ten minutes later he passed again on his way back to his house but he just…had a different dog. it was like a cocker spaniel. she said every day he leaves the house with the wolfhound and comes back with the tiny dog and she’s never seen them get returned either way. she can never find out where he walks to. shes been watching him for years. my family was freaking the fuck out one of my other cousins looked like he was about to have an aneurysm.  

[riarklescomets]

This is comedy gold

[dunyamdonuyor-deactivated201708]

*

[thoodleoo]

the classics major experience

reading tons of stories where everyone dies

not knowing how to ask where the bathroom is in your foreign language but knowing how to say 20 different ways to kill someone

bonding by crying over ancient greek together

dicks everywhere

“so how is studying classics useful”

the eternal embarrassment of knowing that sigmund freud is partially our fault

dicks everywhere

sometimes there are vaginas and tiddies too but mostly dicks

no employee wants to be a schliemann

for all of you archaeologists out there: dust lust

listen i cannot emphasize the amount of dicks to you enough

[russiawave]

please don’t knock, the cat has the keys

[assassinationtipsforladies]

So to visit them you must first catch their cat? That is some task for potential suitors in medieval epic poetry shit

[gendertrickery]

Befriend. If the cat doesn’t like you, human inside probably won’t either.

[lifeofkj]

Real life videogame level.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Sidequest

Befriend the cat who is the KEEPER OF THE KEYS

[kinggvaris]

[latadelixo]

[huntingfishinglovingeveryday-de]

I have questions

[unclebeanbag]

To get to the other side

[raspbiian]

i think netflix is broken

[raspbiian]

its not its not its not its not its n

[taakayama]

We’ve reached a point in time where something like Happy Tree Friends, once a well known internet cartoon, is so irrelevant that the youth can be tricked like this