How dangerous is it to leave a sub alone?
(originally published at https://www.trikoot.net/2018/01/how-dangerous-is-it-to-leave-a-sub-alone/)
Being left alone helpless to enjoy your bondage is a common fantasy among kinksters. It’s the ultimate form of consensual non-conseuality: there’s no way out, if there’s nobody there to release you. One of the fundamental rules of elementary BDSM is to never leave your sub alone while he’s tied up. But this begs the question: how dangerous is it to actually leave a person alone?
External causes of danger
If we forget the complications of bondage itself, and focus on external dangers that could kill or injure your sub, the numbers are pretty clear: any external danger is ridiculously low. Fire is the main external risk of danger. According to FEMA, there are approximately 380 000 household fires annually in the US. As there are about 125 million households in the country, the risk of having a fire in a residence in the US in any 8 hour period is approximately one in a million.
Other causes of household destruction are far lower than fire, so it’s clear that your house will not destruct itself while you are away unless you are extremely unlucky.
Physical causes of danger
Bondage itself can cause danger. Any form of constriction around the neck or head can cause death through two pathways: asphyxiation (not getting enough oxygen) or vasovagal response (constricting the neck, resulting in a reflexive crashing of blood pressure). These risks depend on the kind of bondage, so it’s best to stay away from the head and neck area.
Even if the head and neck area is completely free, constriction around the chest area may cause positional asphyxia, where the sub is unable to breathe properly due to exertion required to physically breathe. This is usually caused by the sub being on his stomach, as in a hogtie.
What if the neck and head of the sub is free, and there is no significant pressure around the chest area? Other dangers are significant, but generally nonlethal. Too tight bondage in any part of the body causes two kinds of damage: circulatory and neurological. These are significant, because if a top is present in a scene, any problem can be quickly fixed, but if you are alone, there’s nobody to help.
Circulatory problems result in tissue not getting enough blood due to position or constriction. Bed sores can form as quickly as 2 hours when a static position prevents free circulation. In feet and arms, too tight restraints can result in loss of circulation and progress to ischemia and eventually gangrene in a matter of hours. There’s also a danger of blood clots. Circulatory problems will eventually cause nerve damage (which is often permanent) due to nerves not getting enough blood, but nerve damage can happen by itself as well.
Pressure in incorrect places will damage nerves directly. In mild cases, the myelin sheath around a nerve is damaged, resulting in damage which heals by itself. This healing can take up to 6-9 weeks, but often happens in a couple of hours. More serious damage affects the nerve itself, resulting in damage that can take months to years to fully heal. Nerve damage usually has symptoms (pins and needles, progressing to numbness), but occasionally it’s symptomless until the damage has been done.
People react unexpectedly when they are left alone. Panic attacks are a real risk. While a panic attack itself is not dangerous, its symptoms can be. Uncontrollable struggling may result in bondage or equipment failing, suddenly changing the situation.
Vomiting is a dangerous symptom of a panic attack, especially if the sub is in a vulnerable position. Any gag or obstruction in the mouth while vomiting will most likely result in death through asphyxiation, or at least aspiration pneumonia when vomit gets inhaled into the lungs.
Prolonged or intense fear can cause long-lasting psychological symptoms, of which most famous is PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. This may be destructive for any future kink.
There are ways to mitigate risk when it comes to being alone in bondage:
Do not use gags or hoods, or do head bondage, that obstruct with breathing or vomiting in any way
Do not do any bondage around the neck, and be conservative with any bondage around the chest area
Be careful with any pressure points, give the sub enough movement to be able to move around to avoid undue constant pressure
Do not leave subs that have a history of panic attacks or related psychological issues alone
As with anything, it’s impossible to remove all the risk of bondage alone. It’s a big fantasy for many people, but focusing on the details, you can make it as safe as you can.
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