Forgive me, for I am in mourningĀ
I am mourning everything we could have beenĀ
Iām mourning all the futures we planned together:
Iām mourning the treehouse with fairylights and a rope bridge in the woods
Iām mourning the apartment in Boston with exposed brick walls
Iām mourning a cabin in Norway with a crackling fire and the gentle fall of snow outside
Iām mourning the cat we will never get to pick out and argue over namesĀ
I am mourning the 2am messages and the midnight phone calls
Iām mourning the way the world lights up along with my phonescreen when you message me
Iām mourning the way your hair looks after the showerĀ
Iām mourning the way you say my name and how your lips look when you smile at meĀ
Iām mourning the way it feels to hold your hand and have you rest your head on my shoulderĀ
Iām mourning the sound of your accent against the bluntness of my worldĀ
Iām mourning the way you always say my eyes look pretty in the night light
Iām mourning the way you call me baby and the smile that I canāt escape when you call me sweetheartĀ
Iām mourning the chance that we never gotĀ
Iām mourning the fact I see you in every face despite even in my dreams youāre still miles awayĀ
Iām mourning the way your hair feels in my fingers and how you close your eyesĀ
And Iām mourning the fact I havenāt felt this way in years and for the first time I had hope
Iām mourning the happiness I have lost
Iām mourning the grief Iāve given youĀ
Iām mourning every ounce of pain I have brought on you
Iām mourning the fact I cannot take it all on myself
Iām mourning that I cannot fight the monsters inside your head
Iām mourning that I cannot stitch myself onto your heartĀ
Iām mourning all the chances I could have taken but was too scared
Iām mourning āIām so scared of losing youā
Iām mourning the way you sip from a strawĀ
And all the wrong decisions I have madeĀ
Iām mourning the thousands of words I have written for you
Iām mourning the days Iāve spent crying over you
Iām mourning the hours I couldnāt sleep over you
Iām mourning the songs Iāve sung for youĀ
And Iām mourning your eyes.Ā
Iām morning how you roll your eyes after my jokes but love them nonetheless
Iām mourning āI want you to burden meā
Iām mourning all of the moments I just wanted to tell you youāre the most beautiful thing in the entire universe but I was too scared to
Iām mourning the way you look at me
Iām mourning all the letters I have written to you but cannot bring myself to sendĀ
Iām mourning the way you smile after we kissĀ
Iām mourning that you took me the way I am
Iām mourning āI feel safe with youāĀ
Iām mourning āhow would you like to wake up to this every day next year?ā
Iām mourning how despite all your darkness you were always like sunshine to meĀ
So forgive me, if I cannot be friendsĀ
And forgive me, that you think I donāt want to be
Forgive me, but I am in mourning for all the futures I dreamt up and all the words I over-thought
Forgive me, for I am mourning the most beautiful dream