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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@maxs-corner
I love being told by my mother I should look the other way and ignore abuse while my brother tries insults me and tries to physically assault me for not supporting the orange monster because āheās in a bad moodā
Wish I didnāt fail in December trying to expire my time on this hell planet
It doesn't get better. You just learn to live with it.
sometimes i look in the mirror and donāt even recognize myself. like iām trapped inside a stranger who just happens to have my face.
They say it gets better, but I have been hearing this since I was 12.
Does anyone know the cheat code to erase the pain in my heart?
disassociation during the night is so weird iām like here but im not im in my bed but im somewhere else my brain is so foggy and my limbs are so heavy. im so hungry and it feels so good. am i finally losing it?
I have that deeply tired feeling stuck in my bones
what does not kill you will have a permanent line etched in ur skin.
the urge to just disappear and never come back
my heart is packed, but my bags aren't.
I think Iām giving up now
She was tired of trying. More than anything, she longed to rest.
Susie Yang, from White Ivy
Sometimes I remember tumblr is a thing and like to stop in. In a world of never ending change, some things will always be the same- like this chaos hole ā¤ļø
Iām obviously gonna also vent about something, but itās something that taught me a lot.
TW going further: s/a, mention of blood
On December 11th, I made an attempt. I sat on my bathroom floor, screaming and crying in fear while holding a blood soaked towel to my body. I had no one I could turn to. My brother ignored my cries and got drunk instead. I didnāt have a single person who I could call, not a single person who would care.
But I did have two things- a wonderful, beautiful poodle who I am so thankful for, and Raleigh Ritchieās (Jacob Anderson) song āBig & Scaredā. That was enough. Those two beings saved my life, and if I ever get the opportunity to meet Jacob Anderson, I will thank him for this.
I did what I needed to do, I took care of myself, and in 9 days, itāll be 90 days since I decided to truly live, while celebrating another year of my life on Earth.
Iām so thankful to be here, to have the privilege of feeling. I have a very nasty scar left behind, but instead of hating it, I use it as a reminder that Iāve gotten through all of my darkest moments.
Anyways- remember, you donāt need anyone, youāre strong enough to be alone and conquer the world. Be company enough for yourself and love who you are. At the end of the day, youāre the only true person thatāll have your back. That, and you should definitely get a dog ā¤ļø
Be brave. Look for hope and beauty in everyday. Sending all my love to anyone needing it right now.
If you got this far, thank you for reading ā¤ļø
So rude that you canāt say āokay, Iām done thinking about thatā and then actually stop thinking about it
Open letter/vent post
Itās September now, and with it is the changing of the seasons. I feel it in the wind around me and in my own bones. With it, comes a lot of personal changes.
This summer has been one of grief and agonizing pain that I quite frankly didnāt think I would survive. But I did. Iām saying goodbye to that chapter of my life, and with it I leave behind the one person I never saw my life without.
Not that heās ever going to see this, but I need to write my own closure down since he got to and I didnāt.
Thank you. Genuinely from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for 7 beautiful years of friendship and companionship. Thank you for being my rock when I needed one, and for allowing me to be yours. I will love you and miss you with everything I am, for the rest of my existence on this planet.
But you are not the first person to leave, and I am sure you are not the last.
I know I deserve so much better than those last few months we shared together. But so did you. Iām sorry for my share of what went wrong.
So with the summer and this heavy burden, Iām saying goodbye to who I was. For the first time in 7 years, I have to do it on my own two feet.
Iāll be okay. Somehow, someway- Iāll be okay.
I can feel the emptiness inside of me.
Feeling like you're too much is honestly one of the worst feelings to possibly exist. It just feels like you need to stop being yourself and existing all together. It's like you crawl out of your own skin and laugh in disgust at what remains, it's pathetic. And so saddening.
