it's a good life

molly, 17, recovery

[may-fl0wers]

[letswritenovelsinourheads]

RACE FOR LIFE

Okay, so a friend of mine’s dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer; prior to this, my group of friends and I at school had signed up to take part in the Race for Life, and now we’re all the more determined to raise as much money as possible.

This is the link to our justgiving page: https://www.justgiving.com/crgs-girls/

Please if you see this, donate as much as you can. Cancer is an awful disease, but together we can fight it, and one day hopefully find a cure.

[may-fl0wers]

coffee tuesdays with penny and cute dinner💁🏼

[mariapazferreria]

I hate how the easiest and most accesible way to don’t deal with life stressors is restricting. I hate how it feels good to numb the stress by seeing a number go down. I hate that I know it’s no worth it but want to go back to it anyway.

[may-fl0wers]

in a cycle of getting stressed, restricting, binge reactive eating (also out of stress), purging, and then repeating; fuckk

[may-fl0wers]

lol just sent a ton of asks via my public tumblr, whoops

[may-fl0wers]

ONCE YOU GET THIS YOU HAVE TO SAY 5 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF PUBLICLY, THEN SEND IT TO TEN OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOLLOWERS (NON-NEGOTIABLE) (POSITIVITY IS GREAT)

ooh ooh tricky 1) i bake good cakes2) i make great tea3) i have a very prominent cupid's bow4) i care about people a lot5) i don't let life beat me, no matter what it throws my way

[metamorphosisofmeg]

'I'll be happy when I'm skinny'

skinny does not equal happy 

skinny will not make you feel beautiful

skinny is tired

skinny is miserable

skinny is lonely

skinny is starvation

skinny is self hatred

skinny is painful

skinny is cold

skinny is a war 

and you will never win

[metamorphosisofmeg]

Your eating disorder is lying to you. Don’t believe a word it says. You will not be happier if you lose weight, you will be miserable. You will not feel better if you lose weight, you will feel like you are dying. Your eating disorder will never tell you you are beautiful, it will never tell you the truth, don’t trust it, don’t indulge it. Don’t believe a word it says.

I need to stop listening to my eating disorder. (via metamorphosisofmeg)

[ana--mia--recovery]

When people say “recovery”, you typically think of returning to how you were before your illness. But there is no going back. You do not merely recover, but reinvent yourself. You become something completely different from what you were before.

(via ana—mia—recovery)

And it’s often an ongoing process. You don’t flip a switch and become “recovered” either. There’s no on and off. At least not for me.

(via thesylverlining)

For some of us, there is no “before.” Those of us who were raised by an eating disordered parent may never have learned to eat in ways that truly satisfy our hunger. Recovery can be about learning something entirely new.

(via mm-on-a-budget)

[wickedrache]

Every time you purge, you are risking your life. Really. this isn’t something that just happens to other people this happens to people I know, this happens based on luck. Take it seriously. And take this seriously: Every time you purge you are risking your life in even bigger ways. Every single time you act on an eating disorder urge rather than not, you are honest to god risking your life. Ok? Because this makes you miserable. You are choosing, electing as true a bunch of lies about you, about life, about emotions, about living, about potential, all of this, every single god damn time you do anything that is damaging to you, sentencing yourself to live in an existence that is inherently miserable. Not only will it never make you happy to diminish or demolish yourself because you’ll always want more - just think about it: nobody who is happy would be made happy by that. Only someone in misery could be “relieved” by that. You’re reinforcing a paradigm of your own misery. Was it my eating disorder that made me try to kill myself? Did I have depression? Borderline personality disorder? One person wrote “possible emergent narcissistic personality disorder”.  What was it that made me do things recklessly, indifferent to whether I died or not? What was it that made me do things secretly, hoping it would mean my life would be cut short? I don’t care what you call it: it was that world I was living in.  The refrain I was creating for myself, reinforcing again and again. And every SINGLE time I walked down the street echoing “I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself,” I was risking my life because who can live that life? Of course I was miserable. Of course I saw no other option. I was brainwashing myself to believe that there was no other option. Because I was too afraid that life would devastate me otherwise, because I believed that there was not a hair of a way that it would ever be okay or bearable for me to live my life, for a slew of reasons that all boil down to things like terror, shame, childhood, and not having experienced anything else. When you purge, every single time, you risk your life. When you eat that low-cal nutritionally devoid excuse and call it food, every single time, you risk your life. When you restrict, you risk your life. When you unleash a tirade of hate against yourself because of what someone else might think of you, you risk your life. When you don’t take care of yourself, you risk your life. When you treat yourself recklessly. When you identify yourself with your eating disorder. When you linger on reassuring thoughts that aren’t true. When you invalidate your emotions. When you leave doors open to self-destructive behaviour. Do you get it? Outside the paradigm of misery these things don’t make sense anymore. Inside the paradigm of misery you are going to hurt so much you want to die. You risk your life. But it isn’t real. I am telling you it isn’t real. I am telling you it doesn’t have to be your reality that you want “out”, because it’s not the fundamental of reality and it is not the fundamental nature of YOU and it is not the fundamental nature of life that it is ever that bad. Every single step you take towards living. Every single step you take towards recovering from your eating disorder. Every single step is so important. It’s the difference between life and death. I don’t want to die anymore. I don’t know how to convey to you that that is fucking miraculous. I have never known this. And it’s true. And if I started letting cruel thoughts in, if I started letting cruel behaviours in, if I started compensating, if I started rationalising, if I started hating, it would not be long before I felt desperate, and I lost sight of the many options that are always available to me, and it would not be long before I thought maybe I did want to die. I choose to bite the god damned fuck back. Because I was lucky. No reason why. I just was. And then I worked hard. And I am going to continue to work hard. I beg you all to work hard.

(via wickedrache)

I wrote this for webiteback in 2011. I’m Rachel 2015, I am behaviour free and I approve this message.

(via wickedrache)

[may-fl0wers]

TW

basically realised that i've had a small relapse the past few weeks and am currently eating less than a quarter of the calories i should be, and have been losing weight, so i need to try and get recovery back on track

[may-fl0wers]

lol at how my dad continues to be totally ignorant to the pressure i'm under

[may-fl0wers]

i feel so out of control

[may-fl0wers]

currently beyond stressed, my life is falling apart, and i've come to realise that my issues never really went away, they were just dormant whilst all was good but now things are going to shit the problems are back with a vengeance

[metamorphosisofmeg]

make popcorn at 1am, go on cinema dates with friends, have a movie marathon and spend the day lying on the sofa with drinks and snacks, watch crappy films with cliché endings don’t let other people’s opinions of what you do and who you are define your life, do what makes you happy

[may-fl0wers]

mango and oats with honey and zero greek yoghurt + tea