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Respawner. ☀️🧛‍♀️👑🐍🕷️🕸️

[maybachprincess]

This reality has to be a humiliation ritual...

This will probably go ignored like my other posts. But hey-ho, I'm not going to pretend I'm not in a very salty period of my life. Lying to yourself and others rarely helps with emotional problems....

The fact I am turning 20 years old in 15 days and I have no family, no friends, no money, no party and nothing but disappointment is quite sad. It will mark a decade since I have gone into care, and this year has already tested my limits. I had to come to terms with the fact that my weight was negatively affecting my life and that I need help via medication, the fact that I am completely alone in all of this and the very worst fear of being ignored by others is very much real. Sometimes I hate the spiritual communities... They claim to be inclusive and want to encourage people to share their experiences, but as soon as someone isn't sunshine and rainbows or has an actual negative moment to share, making sure to write all the trigger words, it is all of a sudden unnacceptable...

And I can't be the only one noticing.

It's one thing being lonely in everyday life. Whether it's due to disability, mental health issues, finances, family problems or just being dealt the wrong cards. But it's another thing to feel lonely even if you are in the community where you're supposed to be able to open up about your spiritual things.

I even had to cut off my friend I met on Amino. I genuinely feel that people don't care about what I have to say. They lie and say "Oh I like listening to your voice notes," but then ignore everything I say. I hope they're doing alright.

How do people expect me to wake up happy and jolly when I have nothing? I hate the saying "less is more" because I have so much less and it actually feels like less?????

Sorry I'm being facetious. But my point still stands.

I have this thing where I can't feign rapport with others, but I notice neurotypicals can? If I have nothing in common with someone or feel that a relationship has become unhealthy, I can't sit back and watch it decline...

Anyways this post is really long, let me continue on another post because I have so many things to say....

Thank you for reading

[maybachprincess]

Lord if u can hear me please I am happy to respawn right now.

This heatwave in England is killing meeeeeee

[maybachprincess]

My biggest dream in this reality whilst I wait for my respawn is to win the lottery, repay debt, use money to work on my health and move away from everyone. I am perpetually lonely and I’ll forever yearn for a family I may never have in this reality. I would donate to an Autism Charity to ensure that they have funding to support those in need.

I would buy a self contained flat in a quiet area of North London and live a life of leisure, health and safety. I will have enough money to support myself and get help I need. Being disabled and broke is not for the weak. I’m like a high maintenance car, I need a lot of love, nurturing and money to keep my sanity.

My tastes lie in skincare, make up, wellness and clothes. I’m alright living in a small place and having a high quality life. Growing up, in this reality, we lived in a flat in a gated community. It wasn’t grand or anything but I will always remember the experiences and travelling I did instead of school.

I was never an academic child. I was a very creative one. But unfortunately being taken into care made things difficult and the false promises I have had to accept wore at my self.

Whilst I am waiting to respawn, I just want a life of peace and tranquility. I can interact with society on MY terms rather than those enforced onto me by neurotypicals.

But the ultimate goal is to respawn. But it would be nice to have steady finances, better health and quality of life in this reality.

Thank you for listening to my rant lol

[maybachprincess]

Ugh I wish I was as aesthetic as the respawn accounts on here. My aesthetic feels so clunky

[maybachprincess]

I actually hate this reality so much. My new email for job searching has been suspended, I am in debt to the DWP and my housing officer wants me to repay £100 a month when she knows that I’ve had a severe deduction in my payments which means I am just getting by. I genuinely feel so lonely and that I don’t have anyone to talk to. Everyone is so odd in this place, they expect me to be grateful, yet ever since joint into semi Independent living, my quality of life has taken a massive nose dive. My old carer is no longer available to lend a shoulder to cry on and I genuinely don’t know what people what from me. I’m so lonely and feel isolated that I might as well not even have friends. I have simply become too much of a burden to others, that when things get better for them I get left behind. I genuinely have no idea how I am getting through each day and at this point not even praying will help. It is so fucking difficult to hold things together when you feel that people have turned their backs against you, the little money you were living on as a result of you disability has been deducted because of some error that happened and I wasn’t able to log into the portal for me to manage my government aid. If I was a functioning adult and had a better home life, I would be doing so much more. If I had the choice and didn’t have a disability I would not be living on disability and I would be working a full time job. But even London is going to be a challenge to live in. London and society hates disabled people and doesn’t even care if they live or die. I genuinely feel so angry that everything is falling apart and I can’t sit back and pretend that I’m alright.

I have shitty staff members at my semi independent unit that don’t even understand autism, I am an African second gen immigrant and the mistreatment I get from this Nigerian staff member is disgusting. First it was the skin colour comparison, then treating me like shit and I had finally exploded because I geniuinely cannot stand this mistreatment. I’m sorry I’m lighter skinned than you???? Do you think I can fucking help that my grandfather on Father’s side is a full Indian and I unfortunately have a different phenotype????

Colourism is so fucking disgusting and I hate whatever system set that up. I hate whatever system allowed for social services to abandon me in crappy placements and not allow me to live with a family. I have complex needs for gods sake. I’m barely functioning as an adult and I DO NOT need these reminders that make me feel less than.

The fucking people who pretend to be disabled and have autism should be ashamed of themselves. It is not all pop it’s and rainbow colours. Please get that out of your head. I am almost 20 years old, haven’t had a job in four years and I am complete and utterly exhausted with being made to feel worthless.

I don’t even know how I will manage financially. I can’t fucking go out, I can’t do shit because London is so expensive that as soon as you step outside it takes money from your bank account . My fucking job coach won’t understand that I CANNOT WORK FULL Time even if I wanted to because of the cost of public transport going up. TFL FIX YOUR PRICES. I cannot work full time or four to five days a week because I will be burnt out and tired, with little to no time for my personal life and managing my disability. Everyone starts off so supportive, but as time passes they will show their true colours and be more focused on meeting targets. HELLLO??? I AM VOLUNTARILY USING YOUR ORGANISATION BECAUSE I HAVE COMPEX NEEDS AND WANT TO FIND A JOB???

Ironically my job coach is autistic and yet he’s a sell out to the exploitive nature of this dysfunctional version of Capitalism. You’re one bad day away from becoming like me. Don’t forget that.

[maybachprincess]

DR Mii self reveal

I’ve been loving playing this game. Wish it had more content but nonetheless this was a good swap for the sims 4. The personality type is Energetic Adventurer.

Feel free to show me ur miis :)

[giddythekitty]

The best shifting tip I can ever give you:

Make a list of all the things you're excited for in your dr

And I don't mean something vague like "hanging out with friends".

I mean the tiny ass details, the small things that make life memorable. Someone playing with your hair, holding someone's hand, swapping friendship bracelets, smacking someone with a pillow, falling asleep cuddled next to someone, messing up someone's hair as a joke, stealing someone's seat and then laughing with them when they take it back, having someone taste that new recipe you tried, and so on.

Make a list of all the teeny tiny mundane things that seem irelevant but are happy moments. It makes my soul do a dance and my entire being itches to get there. Just writing these examples made my heart swell.

[maybachprincess]

Just got told that three days a week is too little for part time work. How the fuck am I supposed to maintain my sanity being a slave to a corporation for little money? Cost of living is increasing and now part time jobs are no longer part time.

It’s hard to keep faith in my desired reality because it feels like I’m being pelted by rocks. So much is going on. I’m in care , unhappy with where I am and deep down, all I want to do is respawn. Things were salvageable but a few turns of events made life really difficult.

People should be allowed to have a personal life outside of work and not be forced to submit and sell their entire health and wellbeing.

I wish I could explain how much I want to respawn. At least in my DR I am able to make positive changes for others and I do all the things I love that I wish I could do here.

My soul knows what DR I want to go to and I will forever love that I discovered respawning . My life is so much better, I have a loving mother, a good career that challenges me, but allows me to meet new people and engage in the fashion, print and entertainment industry.

I might start posting more (depending on my mood)

But thank you for reading this.

[selfishlysilentlibrarian]

having niche drs is not for the weak

[mindstring]

You are completely alone when it comes to manifesting.

Listen to me, very carefully right now.

You - are completely and utterly alone when it comes to manifesting, and thats something you NEED to realize.

What I mean by that, is not just "you're the one responsible for your manifestations" but something way deeper.

When you manifest, YOU travel the world, not WORLD travels around you.

No matter how good, bad it feels, there will never be "golden time" to manifest, unless you obviously manifest it.

You need to understand that there are NO rules when it comes to manifesting.

YOU are the one creating rules, to make it harder / easier for you to manifest, please PLEASEEE, think outside of the box, dont think just like that

"I read that guide very carefully why didnt it work for me...?"

Because to guide can help you, you're the one should be doing guides for yourself, youve noticed how different peoples method when it comes to manifesting, right?

"I affirm all day long and listen to subliminals all day long, and visualize, and then my manifestation comes true." Or "I affirm only once and then just relax because i know it is true, and it works."

VERY IMPORTANT!!!

Every human out there is UNIQUE, if you're wolf. wanting to get to the other side of the sea, and you listen to SEALS, and they tell you that you should swim even though you damn cant. You NEED stop looking at seals, birds that tell u to fly over instead, but instead, you should build your BOAT.

You should lay down and think "What works best for me?"

it can be ANYTHING. If affirming once sounds logical, reasonable, and most importantly BELIEVABLE for you, DO IT, GO FOR IT, dont listen to others trying to tell you "You need to persist all day long, affirm all day long and listen to subliminals all day long"

IF IT DOESNT SIT RIGHT WITH YOU, IF IT DOESNT SOUND RIGHT FOR YOU IF IT DOESNT SOUND BELIEVABLE FOR YOU, DONT DO IT, FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF.

[maybachprincess]

How does one stay strong during such difficult times?

[maybachprincess]

This reality has been testing my patience. I feel that everything is falling apart and the only thing I have keeping me going is my Spotify playlist based on my dr, the gym and the burning desire to respawn.

I’m doing so badly financially and a part of me wants to have some stability and enjoyment whilst I’m in the void reality. I just need enough money to live my life the best as I can, address my needs and wants to a high standard and give back to those who have helped me during my darkest times. I want to wake up and live a month, week or even a day filled with leisure and joy, being driven around London and doing things on a whim. Tipping the driver well and putting out the positive energy from within my soul so that I can bring light and happiness into the people that encounter me. Yes I want abundance but I want abundance for others. Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy

I believe in respawning and I know deep down that I will and can respawn.

This was a mess,

But thank you for listening.

[my-sick-n-twisted-mind]

i kinda wish I didn't exist... I wish I was just an entity floating watching and observing... Not participating..