We should acklowledge more often the importance of queer represantation in mainstream media. (For the right reasons)
Sure, I can binge watch all six seasons of the L Word - and, trust me, I have - but I still have this undying thirst to gay things up a little. I feel unbalanced occasionally, as if there are still parts of my sexuality I havenât really addressed, understood and embraced, which consequently urges me to focus more on my gay side rather than my sexuality as a whole: my preferrences in the type of people I sleep with, the type of sexual relationships I form, the things I (dis)like in bed, you know, the list is endless.
It makes me think that all these years of repressing my sexuality have made me keep it in a box and just narrow it down to the gender Iâd rather have sexual encounters with, which is a rabbit hole itself, all things (gender norms and stereotypes, personal beliefs etc) considered, and just get elated even by the implication that two men or women on TV are queer; neither examining if I like them as people, nor caring about their chemstry or the quality of their relationship, no.Â
Just keep my standards to the lowest point possible and MAKE IT GAY AS FUUUUUCK.
Being queer in a world of heteronormativity is sometimes a double-edged knife; even your best LGBTQ+ allies are ignorant of your reality.Â
Yeah well, my straight friends support me on my same sex relationships. But they also donât really get them most of the time. âWhat are you talking about?â you will asked surprised, âromantic relationships donât differ based on the gender of the people involved. Itâs the personalitites that matterâ.Â
My straight friends canât really understand the consequenses of being closeted for years, the fear of stigma, the fact that even in 2019 there are still people wishing all of us âdegeneratesâ a slow and painful death (just watch Ellen Pageâs amazing show called âGaycationâ; during the Brazil episode, the two hosts interview a serial killer who specifically targets gay people, because he believes that theyâre worse than animals and the world should be cleansed by their filthy presense).
There are several bagages following us around, issues that straight people (thankfully) never had to face, like the fear of flirting with the wrong person (especially while being closeted), the fact that our sexual orientation is often times not being taken seriously, the fact that for ages there was a very small amount of LGBTQ+ representation in media, and sometimes it was played out for laughs, or even blatantly killed off (lately, thereâs also the issue of âqueercodingâor âqueerbatingâ, which is rather complex itself), the fear of violence used against us on the street just for holding hands with someone; being marginalized at any level, a minority, ANY KIND of minority, sucks. Because the majority doesnât even see you, at times.
But we exist. This should be written in enormous neon letters, and not in 8-sized Arial Narrow ones, as it very often is right now.Â
No, J. K. Rowlling, I donât want to have to wear rainbow-coloured strap-ons covered in glitter (wink wink, Sense8) and do my YMCA dance in order to have the revelation that Albus Dumbledore is fucking gay back in 2007. Itâs not on print, itâs only a few words said during a sold-out book reading. You had your moment of gay-friendly glory and inclusiveness, but thatâs it. During an entire franchise with dosens of presumably heterosexual characters, the single outed person (and one of the most important for plot progression purposes, too) doesnât even get to have their own moment of gayness. Not even in the prequel, apparently (if youâre new to this, please watch the videos on queercoding Iâve linked above and youâll be right on track). And you have the audacity to keep on doing it.
No, I donât want to fucking speculate if Captain Marvel is queer either. No, I donât want to wonder if Thor: Ragnarokâs Valkyrie is indeed bisexual. (Fun fact: It is being speculated that the two aforementioned characters will hit it off in the new Avengers: Endgame movie). Or the two Teen Wolf guys. Or Dean and Michael from Supernatural. Or several characters from Riverdale. Ugh, itâs exhausting.Â
And even though it might come off as just another lesbian whoâs trying to make it all about her sexuality, shoving it in straight peopleâs faces, I have to say that heterosexual people are pretty ignorant regarding even their own sexuality from time to time. And thatâs problematic for everyone.Â
Not fully exploring and âowningâ oneâs sexuality primarily means that theyâre missing out experiences they could, in fact, enjoy A LOT. From having sexual partners of all genders to being the proud owner of the best buttplug collection in an entire city, a good sexual experience that never takes place is a missed opportunity. I personally wouldnât like to miss out on that, like the dirty, dirty hedonist I am.Â
This missing-outness, self-deception and ignorance can go on for years, decades even. Just simply ask popular YouTubers or my (formerly gold star lesbian) ex-girlfriend (yes, the opposite is also possible).Â
But, such a personal issue becomes public when queerness and gender & sexuality spectrums are not even seen as something that can be part of anyoneâs psyche, especially in the majority of the population. Hence the marginalizing. LGBTQ+ substance, accodring to many people, is something out of this world.Â
Thatâs what makes queercoding so annoying. Because it sends off the message that LGBTQ+ characters, romances and storylines are not important enough to be portrayed as openly and clearly as their heteronormative counterparts; theyâre pictured as something that will never fully grow and be explored, since it isnât as significant.Â
So,why does mainstream representation matter?
In a world soaked in and based onto heteronormativity and whiteness, being LGBTQ+ inclusive has been mislabeled as âpushing an agendaâ, where even childhood is being used as a deterrent, a queerness-repellant, which can also breed internalized homophobia.
âDonât publicly show pictures of faggots kissing, children might see themâ. âDykes shouldnât be allowed to adopt children, because they [the children] wonât have the right role-models, I mean, who will be the mom and who will be the dad? Plus they will also be bullied by other childrenâ.
I was watching an Ellen Page interview on Stephen Colbert that took place almost two months ago, and I couldnât help but notice how emotional she still gets every time she talks about LGBTQ+ problems (she has been very vocal about them since she came out as gay in 2014). âThis needs to fucking stopâ she says.Â
And, goodness, it does. When the, among others, argument that equality for everyone shouldnât be debatable still is seen as âcringey activismâ by some, it becomes more than apparent why representation of any minority in the mainstream media matters.
Pop culture is like a huge educator. We tend to internalize images shown to us from an early age, we learn to normalize toxic behaviors and worldviews in the exact same way, and even if we canât really control anyoneâs parenting (and homophobia and lack of understanding and acceptance, unless it becomes abusive for the minor, and this abuse is apparent to other adults), thereâs still hope that pop culture can bring the bigger picture, all the vieriety of human identity and experience, into our homes.Â
As Iâm thinking about it, I realize that I had never seen a (happy) lesbian couple on television or movies until I was about fourteen or sixteen. Ever. Like, ever. Needless to say, I have my fair share of images depicting straight couples in multiple situations.
So, if youâre not a queer person, a trans person or a person of colour or someone with special needs or mentally ill, and youâre also not convinced by my long-ass rant, consider this: What if you had never ever seen someone like you in a film before until you were fifteen? Or what if you had only seen stereotypical images and expectations of people like you, as a side story to someone elseâs bigger and more âimportantâ story? A side story as seen and perceived by the heteronormative gaze?
Or maybe as a joke? A joke that wasnât made by people like you, people who truly understand what itâs like being you and the actually funny aspects of your own identity and struggles.
Wouldnât you grow up thinking that youâre a little bit of a monster?
"Like when someone says he wants to watch the world burn. You only get to watch when you have the privilege of not being on fire. It's edgy, but it's not The Darkness. The Darkness is finding a way to laugh about being on fire".Â
- Natalie Wynn
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PS: I know that Iâve used too many embeded referrences, but if youâre interested in this topic, please take your time to examine them. They have broadened my horizons a lot, and gave me comfort and the validation that Iâm not insane for feeling and seeing life that way.
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