𝕸𝖆𝖞𝖘𝖘𝖆💫🖤

[mayssa-m]

"A winner is a loser who tried one more time"

[kountincake]

just wanna be happy

[kountincake]

still dis

[mayssa-m]

still dis

[kountincake]

just wanna be happy

[kountincake]

still dis

[teenchiko]

I’m trinna find my high in this life yeah. 🤘😎🔥

@mayssa-m

[mayssa-m]

nobody's listening i'm js chatting to my mic n myself

spill them feelings in the booth n call it a "therapy session"

drug in my blunt in my booth n called it a "therapy session"

[mayssa-m]

back on my tana 2022-2023 era, but in a better version of myself

[mayssa-m]

[mayssa-m]

[mayssa-m]

f them ngas, that money my best friend

[mayssa-m]

@𝕸𝖆𝖞𝖘𝖘𝖆: He’s coming back idc, on my side i’m working in myself cus that’s what’s guaranteed, all the goals i planned, if he’s meant to be back he will n ik he will i got signs from God, it’s just not happening until i get myself on track, but the pain i felt when he felt peace from distance is gonna hit him soon now, he’ll be the one going through it while i’m working on myself, but if he ever returns i hope he learned a lesson, i don’t know what it is but this feeling that he’s saved for me, it’s like God seperated us (made him lose feelings during the talking stage) for both of us to focus on ourselves n God knows about his life n what’s best for him cus we got different backgrounds, in this case he knows what he has to work on in order for him to be the person i want him to be for me, this pain is also making me focus on myself more than ever, and maybe him distancing from me due to loss of feelings n wtb traumatic event that happened to him that made him lose care for many things, everything is meant to be, he’s not going back to the country he was in, js like i deep down wanted it, he’s also focusing on school n his career which was something bothering me also before but i ignored it because i like him it was a very minor thing, he’s now focusing on himself n his career, was supposed to marry young n thought it was me n even his dad wanted him to marry young, then all of a sudden his dad wants him to focus on his career n finding the right woman later after studied not now, js like I wanted it, he had that discussion the day right after he told me he lost feelings, what a councidence, i wanted those changes for the best to both of us, but didn’t talk about them n somehow those changes are making themselves by themselves, God heard me and felt what i felt and is making people do what i wished for them to do, because i know on my side i have everything planned, i’m on the right track for a very bright future, but then I looked at him n had this feeling that i want someone equally disciplined to me or even more than me, someone who is hustling for a bright future just like me, i didn’t want him to be one thing keeping me from hustling less hard

I didn't want him to be the one doing less, i need someone with a drive, but 1 just prayed he somehow changes, somehow I still had the same ambitions to have him in my life, him being my best friend, my husband, everything, I was gonna stick w him til the end and pray and wait for him to change for the better before moving forward, growing with him, watch him succeed, but for me I already had everything planned for myself n know what I want in life, I don't need him, I simply want him, he seen it as feelings, I seen it as live that was growing on the daily basis n that was still gonna expand as we go through stuff together, whether it's arguments, solving it, work, anything... he just had feelings, he lost them n left my life as in a lover, but i stilk have him as a friend, on the love side at first before he admitted he lost feelings, i felt him pulling away n started getting ready for the worse, n started working on myself to make sure that doesn't get me completely out of track which'll eventually lead to depression during this very sensitive period of my life where the future is in between my hands after multiple trial and errors, i thought maybe he's not the rught person for me, that's God making someone lose feelings to protect me, l thought to myself why? Then thought the same things that bothered me deep down, i'm more mature than him in stuff, he's lazy, I don't see him thriving for his future, he's on social media most time, all these little things i feel like i'm not going anywhere with someone like that in my life, i need someone to push me forward, I don't wanna lose myself because of someone being lazy, I want someone to grow with, again here God said here, seperate, he told me my pain will obly get worse as l keep being in denial about it, made me turn this pain into druve to hustle n become the best of me n hinted me that there is something coming in the future with him, he seperated us so he can work on myself n learn, same for me, God noticed someone like me with many dreams in life (which’l’ hurt me in the future) lost spark n herself to someone who didn't get what she thought she'd get from this person, made me re focus on myself n build myself even stronger to bare with this love and my career, same for him the things I felt would bother me on the long run, later on, he's working on him right now, and God will bring us back together one day in the best versions of ourselves, we're not strangers, he also felt and knows I'm different, it's just a matter of feelings that made us both deviate to grow separately . When he comes back: he'll approach me again but this time it's not feelings, it's going to be love this time, real love that grew in him over time from watching me from a distance, and that's a lesson learned, don't ever go by feelings and hurt me ever again please

[mayssa-m]

“Hurt people hurt people” this quote i just got right now from this video, throughout the video I’ve been thinking about the same person I wrote about, he’s hurt n hurting others including me, he need distance and space but somehow still keeps me as a friend as he knows me as a person, I’m not js a girl whom he’s had feelings for, n i don’t want it to be that way, I know he’d like me in you know what way once he’s healed, mark my words

[mayssa-m]

@𝕸𝖆𝖞𝖘𝖘𝖆: He’s coming back idc, on my side i’m working in myself cus that’s what’s guaranteed, all the goals i planned, if he’s meant to be back he will n ik he will i got signs from God, it’s just not happening until i get myself on track, but the pain i felt when he felt peace from distance is gonna hit him soon now, he’ll be the one going through it while i’m working on myself, but if he ever returns i hope he learned a lesson, i don’t know what it is but this feeling that he’s saved for me, it’s like God seperated us (made him lose feelings during the talking stage) for both of us to focus on ourselves n God knows about his life n what’s best for him cus we got different backgrounds, in this case he knows what he has to work on in order for him to be the person i want him to be for me, this pain is also making me focus on myself more than ever, and maybe him distancing from me due to loss of feelings n wtb traumatic event that happened to him that made him lose care for many things, everything is meant to be, he’s not going back to the country he was in, js like i deep down wanted it, he’s also focusing on school n his career which was something bothering me also before but i ignored it because i like him it was a very minor thing, he’s now focusing on himself n his career, was supposed to marry young n thought it was me n even his dad wanted him to marry young, then all of a sudden his dad wants him to focus on his career n finding the right woman later after studied not now, js like I wanted it, he had that discussion the day right after he told me he lost feelings, what a councidence, i wanted those changes for the best to both of us, but didn’t talk about them n somehow those changes are making themselves by themselves, God heard me and felt what i felt and is making people do what i wished for them to do, because i know on my side i have everything planned, i’m on the right track for a very bright future, but then I looked at him n had this feeling that i want someone equally disciplined to me or even more than me, someone who is hustling for a bright future just like me, i didn’t want him to be one thing keeping me from hustling less hard

I didn't want him to be the one doing less, i need someone with a drive, but 1 just prayed he somehow changes, somehow I still had the same ambitions to have him in my life, him being my best friend, my husband, everything, I was gonna stick w him til the end and pray and wait for him to change for the better before moving forward, growing with him, watch him succeed, but for me I already had everything planned for myself n know what I want in life, I don't need him, I simply want him, he seen it as feelings, I seen it as live that was growing on the daily basis n that was still gonna expand as we go through stuff together, whether it's arguments, solving it, work, anything... he just had feelings, he lost them n left my life as in a lover, but i stilk have him as a friend, on the love side at first before he admitted he lost feelings, i felt him pulling away n started getting ready for the worse, n started working on myself to make sure that doesn't get me completely out of track which'll eventually lead to depression during this very sensitive period of my life where the future is in between my hands after multiple trial and errors, i thought maybe he's not the rught person for me, that's God making someone lose feelings to protect me, l thought to myself why? Then thought the same things that bothered me deep down, i'm more mature than him in stuff, he's lazy, I don't see him thriving for his future, he's on social media most time, all these little things i feel like i'm not going anywhere with someone like that in my life, i need someone to push me forward, I don't wanna lose myself because of someone being lazy, I want someone to grow with, again here God said here, seperate, he told me my pain will obly get worse as l keep being in denial about it, made me turn this pain into druve to hustle n become the best of me n hinted me that there is something coming in the future with him, he seperated us so he can work on myself n learn, same for me, God noticed someone like me with many dreams in life (which’l’ hurt me in the future) lost spark n herself to someone who didn't get what she thought she'd get from this person, made me re focus on myself n build myself even stronger to bare with this love and my career, same for him the things I felt would bother me on the long run, later on, he's working on him right now, and God will bring us back together one day in the best versions of ourselves, we're not strangers, he also felt and knows I'm different, it's just a matter of feelings that made us both deviate to grow separately . When he comes back: he'll approach me again but this time it's not feelings, it's going to be love this time, real love that grew in him over time from watching me from a distance, and that's a lesson learned, don't ever go by feelings and hurt me ever again please

[mayssa-m]

[mayssa-m]

Lol the gains

[mayssa-m]

I done went up I'm proud of my wrist

[teenchiko]

I wish time could go slower

[teenchiko]

I wish time could go slower

[mayssa-m]

My three online friends I’ll meet one day

chiko

Tomas

mar

We all have a goal, that’s something in common, all wokring yowards their goals, we’ll meet once we get there

I’m wishing my bruddas all the best throughout their journey

[mayssa-m]

Leaving me on seen now

I don’t want to point it out

I wonder what makes him do that, it’s a clear sign that you don’t have respect for someone anymore, it can’t be anything else

anyways

stopped talking for a while and I was working on detachement as this person clearly doesn’t think of me same as I think of him, and is not taking seriously like I do, I know there’s other girls he talks to

Ngl if you got Snapchat that’s how it is talking to randoms in yk what way I’m talking about

I’ve been working on finding myself, I stopped using Instagram for a little less than a month and have been working on finding myself back it’s been good until lately we got back to talking as he wasn’t around his friends in his native country and now he got time to talk to me

at first when we started talking after the break I know for sure it didn’t feel like now, I didn’t care about checking whenever he gets active and keep checking whenever he responds and keep refreshing on browser, and question and overthink everything as it doesn’t feel the same as it was before and I’m still wondering what changed, distance shouldn’t change anything as if you truly are committed to someone then nothing changes and proof is me, could easily be talking to many females and not caring whether he loses me or not or did I truly matter to him in the first place or did he want me just like many other girls and got lucky with me and realized I cannot date yet, respected it and even talked to me about marriage and him being ready to get married at 18 and it’s all about me whenever I’ll be ready and speak about it to my parents, I said I wanted early 20s, but either way we could live in the same city and still see each other every day, so getting married or not yet we’re still have contact, and now i don’t get what made him change his mind about everything saying I rushed it and didn’t think it through, I don’t want to be negative but I want to be realistic that he’s talking to other girls in the way he’s talking to me

he even gets jealous whenever my childhood bestfriend would hug me, he would get mad, and I get it, by respect to him and myself I don’t want to get hugged by a male unless we’re in a relationship, but in this situation we’re not even together and he feels that way, but it’s like foreshadowing us being together one day so anything is considered cheating even if you’re not together yet, how are you talking to a girl about marriage then talking to other girls

all I can do now tomorrow I’ll have ig, then for 3 days I’ll cutting off ig, and doing a plan I’ll stick to for three days just to get back on track because at the end of the day I still have a dream I’ve been wanting to achieve, so much I wanted to do In life before I started talking to him or even knew about his existence, never considered love as something in my life yet, all I cared about is working on my goals and I’ll get to meet people in the future so whoever is meant for me will stick with me and I found love, but I didn’t think or cared about it or seen it as a thing yet

he was the exception but I didn’t date, i don’t get interested in guys as I know their intentions at this age, also I just wasn’t into love, but we would talk late at night about how good life would be if we lived in the same city, just us being with each other and having each other’s company, I would say how fun the future is looking but he didn’t truly know what I meant, I meant I’m trying to work harder on my goals so that one day once the hard work pays off, I would get to share my dream come true with him, I will share my sucess with him, I’ll give him the experience, even though he didn’t put in any effort in achieving goals I’ve been crying, thinking and stressing about on the daily basis, I seen it as he deserves it, he’s showing me love and I like him a lot too, so sharing that with him is a must, but either he’s serious about this or not, and I hate to say this but it’s clear that he’s not since I’m convinced he talks to other girls whether it’s just like he talks to me or less, doesn’t matter, I still see it as cheating during a talking stage, I do talk to people online, I have three online friends with the same dreams as me, they’re all guys, we speak together about mental health, music, and working together one day, but I know what my intentions are that’s why I don’t feel bad, I don’t feel the way talking to my online friends as I talk to him, he’s someone I thought of marrying as he talked to me about it, some people just date to have someone not aiming marriage, idk him rushing it is love bombing or I’m truly the first and only person hens talked to about and felt it was going to happen, those people I talk to online are part of my business life, I work with them, and they are my friends, humans just like me with a dream in the path of music, he is part of my love life, friends it’s plenty, but one person only when it comes to your love life and that’s him, there’s a huge difference

well all I can guarantee is me finding my true happiness which is what I wanted since the beginning so I’ll work on that as I know that’s what’ll make me happy and never deceive me, but him I can’t guarantee his presence, I never had any bad intention towards him, I’ve never loved someone or dated, he’s the first, I’m pure on the inside and genuine, I don’t talk to guys in the way where it’s flirty, it’s all friendships, Well we got one year together in school, that will be my last year then I’m out the country, i need to hustle as my family do not have the financial ability to move me out to a different country and pay for college/uni, I’ll have to rely on myself for a scholarship which would be very hard as my results haven’t been good throughout the years, I nose dived in terms of grades over the years, I used to get very good grades, everything degraded over time due to my environment, school fuked me up physically and mentally, story for another time, I’ve been working on finding myself back but I keep giving up, each year getting a good grade gets harder, and I’m not stable, I’m still trying, I have a year left, where I have to work on leaving and getting around different people, I just want a different environment, I want to live by my own, the farther I’m from my family the better I’m working and feeling, that’s how it is, too much unnecessary stress and thinking over dumb stuff, I just wanna be out, lock myself for the first uni year by the time he’s done with highschool that year, I want to lock myself and make something very great out of my life, So much I want to do, I know I wouldn’t want to talk to other guys, I just want to work on myself and come out as a different person so even if he decides to cut me off then it’s his loss on so much I have planned for us, find yourself someone else in this genuine, not trying to be cocky I’m just being honest, I’m very pure and simple on the inside, if it’s you it’s you only, I’ve been planning on meeting with my online friends before I met him, I can take him with me, no problem, share this experience and see this is nothing but a friendship, I don’t mind, I’ve never been loved, also was taken advantage of growing up, grew up as an observer and learned a lot about people, so I can relate, I wouldn’t want to treat him the way people treated me, I was going to give him my all

but anyways one thing that’s bothering me a lot is me not being on track, I need to get back on track, and then if he isn’t staying in my life then I wouldn’t say no problem, I’d course it’s not going to be easy because I’m simply attached, I want you and you only, I don’t want to get to know anybody else, I don’t want to date anybody else, I want you simply, I don’t want to start over i want to move forward, but if he’s fucking up then I can’t fix anything, he needs to recognize he’s in the wrong and fix himself, he’s hurt me enough times, but that’s only a sign to me that this is not going where I want it to be, I keep lying to myself, but it’s clear, it’s just I’m not accepting it

I keep tearing up but I truly don’t want to lose him

I’ll work on myself for this next month, then we’re starting school and I have the year to get to know him better in real life, a lot can change over that time whether it’s good or bad but I want to guarantee myself the good part which is leaving the country and me getting closer and closer to my goal, one of them is leaving the country as i know change of environment affects me a lot, even when I’m in the same country when I’m around certain people I get life back in me and I’m motivated to do anything, as soon as I’m back home it’s like my energy gets drained and I don’t get anything done and don’t have that same drive anymore

Tomas, chiko and Marmar I’m meeting you guys one day and Amir I hope you have the same intentions towards me as I do towards you

[mayssa-m]