Category- fluff, somewhat angst
Warnings- ED! Specifically Bulimia, reader relapses.
The house was usually warm with your laughter or sounds of your restless movement.
Earlier that afternoon, you reassured Reiner you'd be fine if he went to go drop off Gabi and her friends at their houses. You even joked about him being everyone's designated cab driver.
You both had a small laugh about how the weather was barely warm around this time and yet, everyone was taking their clothes off and eating ice cream.
Although your smile was broad, it didn't convince him.
Throughout his years as a soldier and warrior, Reiner learnt pattern recognition to the point of witnessing it through the simplest of things.
The strategies he'd dismantled in war, the physical fights he'd won turned into the rhythmic kneading of dough, the duvet spreading softly across the bed he'd make, the fall and rise of your chest.
It's not a surprise he recognised your relapse before you did.
It started off slow. You told him you were busy with studying, locked yourself up into your office room and when he managed to coax you out every now and then, your gaze constantly avoided his.
Now, with your extra sized clothes and tense shoulders, he was sure, even if he found those clothes cute and cosy on you.
The same way you loved that green sweater on him, exclaiming about how fuzzy and squishy he was to cuddle when he wore it. Like fabric could make such a difference.
Reiner struggled with confrontation. He didn't want to scare you off, especially not when you were vulnerable.
It was difficult enough to help you release your feelings and struggles with eating.
Reiner had his own. Despite his better judgement, he opened up to you about it, aiding you in your illusions of isolation.
The sun dipped by the time Falco's stop was near, the blond boy over-explaining the brand new trampoline park Gabi and Zofia had dragged him along to.
Reiner nodded along to his words, and swerved gently into the side, slowing into a halt. "Please say hi to Y/n for me, sir." Falco said as he opened the door to exit.
"Sure, Falco." Reiner chuckled, "I'll tell my wife her secret admirer said hi."
Falco blushed but brushed Reiner's teasing off and hurried off inside his home.
The sky had become shades of blue and lavender fading through the canvas of stars. Who knew dropping off three kids could take this long.
The roads of your town got busy around that time too, lengthening Reiner's return.
Around the corner, Reiner could make out the stone gates of your home and the pretty garden leading to the porch. The one you clumsily insisted on helping out on.
Gardening was a therapy tool for him, it didn't erase his trauma sure, but it helped lessen the impact of thoughts.
The car door flung open and the tall blond stretched his sore back out, careful not to pop a cramp in his tight muscles.
The neighbourhood settled with the late warm evening, a soothing quiet accompanied him as he padded over to the door and pushed it open, expecting to hear your gaming sounds, clumsy movements in the kitchen, a film that played on a volume far too loud.
Except, it was eerily quiet.
His Adam's apple bobbed, nervously stepping inside and pausing by the kitchen door, half open.
A snack wrapping paper caught his eye and he followed inside, finding you sprawled on the kitchen floor, back against the cupboard with stains across your mouth.
"Don't..." you whispered, eyes vacant and unfocused, "...Don’t look at me, please."
The papers were scattered everywhere, an unfinished loaf discarded on the floor by your thigh. Your brows knotted pitifully for a second.
"Go." You whispered shakily, face dropping into your hands as if he caught you defecating yourself.
"Sweetheart, please." He kneeled beside you, hoping to emotionally anchor you.
The sounds of your shaky throat wrenched at his heart like a spear. You don't cry often but when you do, it triggered something in him.
Soft whimpers muffled against tears and your messy hands, shakily cupped the noise away.
"I'm so sorry," you whispered, unable to look at the man your shame convinced you was too good to be looked at by a hideous creature like you.
"Don't be sorry," he nudged closer, allowing you a few seconds to flinch away. "I'm not mad, no one's mad, love."
His chest pressed into your ear, muffling the agonising shame that taunted you into submission. Soft weeps faded into hiccups.
When you stayed quiet, he let himself gather you up into his arms. "Shhhh... shhhh," his warm palm splayed against your back as he swayed your bodies.
Although you didn't deserve it, you leaned in, eyelashes fluttering in exhaustion. "Been working yourself to death, hm?" He tenderly said.
You shook your head, "not enough... clearly."
Your attention wandered across the floor where the wrappers and discarded food was, feeling another flush of embarrassment and shame take over.
Reiner noticed and made sure to keep your eyes away from the manifested mess of your mind.
"Let's go get you cleaned up, yeah, love?"
Despite your agonised stomach, you nodded and stood to your feet with his help, wincing with every movement.
His palm clamped over your bicep until you made it to the top step, "what triggered it?" Reiner asked and helped you limp to the bathroom.
"I-I don't even know?" You began to wash your hands and face clean of the sticky mess.
"I guess the stress of studying caught up to me and I... felt worthless when nothing went right." Your hands cupped a handful of water, trying to focus on the ripples instead of the rising food in your throat.
However, your husband began lecturing you. "That's why I told you not lock yourself away, you know I would've made sure- Y/n!"
You ran to the toilet bowl and shoved the seat up, a gush of the random trash you binged on came hurdling out of your throat.
The clumps of food you hadn’t chewed properly scraped at the lining of your oesophagus.
He rubbed your back and held your hair, wincing at the coughs and belches.
"Go"- you desperately croaked, "don't look at me!" Another round of vomit followed. “D-Don’t- mmngh”-
"I've seen worse Y/n, stop hiding yourself!" He cupped water from the sink and drenched it over your face to snap you out of the nausea.
"Mmph- Rei!" You gasped and finally calmed the pulsing blood in your vessels.
He leaned over and flushed the throw up, glancing worriedly down at you. Not angry, disgusted or disappointed. Just concerned.
His hazel's had the power to shoot a laser into you whenever you hid something from him and now, the teddy bear you grew to love was scanning you like a machine.
"Rei, I wanna shower... can you… uhm.” You hinted at the door shyly.
He paused, "I can stay and make sure nothing"-
"Baby I threw up after a binge, it's not like I tried to throw myself out of the window." You rasped, the acid in your throat settling.
Reiner was unconvinced, too scared to leave you be yet too soft to go against your plea. You didn’t want him to see your body, not right now at least.
"I'm right outside, I'll listen closely incase anything happens, okay?" He stepped forward and kissed your forehead firmly.
The warmth of his lips soothed your frayed nerves, "Kay..."
When you got inside for a wash, you didn't notice Reiner leaving a pile of clean clothes for you to wear on the sink's table, the blond carefully tiptoeing out of the bathroom as to not scare you.
Reiner always knew you had your own issues. It was just how adamant you were to hide them from him in fear he'd grow disgusted of you.
The clothes were oversized like you preferred around these troubling times, allowing you to breathe normally.
You dried off and padded out to the bedroom where Reiner was holding a mug and patting the space next to him.
The bed dipped as you hesitantly crawled on besides him, the mug suddenly pressed into your cold hands.
"Drink, it should help with the nausea."
The first sip was warm enough to embrace your belly, softening your tensed body enough to lean back into the pillows he propped up.
The wash helped you feel brand new, a clean slate from the binge you promised yourself you’d stop ages ago. The bergamot and citrus soap removed the sickening scent of vomit and food.
The television was playing a ridiculous sitcom he was in love with. It wasn’t amazing but you and Rei laughed at it often.
Your emptied stomach and warm mug settled you into a calm, serene state.
Reiner noticed your dipping head and fondly grinned, relieved to see the anxiety slowly fade away.
"Sweetheart, come." He beckoned you with open arms.
You placed the half drunken tea on the nightstand and let him scoop you to his chest, his heart thudding in your ear.
"Sorry." You whispered into his sweater. "I'll do better."
"Hey, no... no apologies, wasn't your fault, you hear?” He rubbed your back and firm circles.
Your arms limply splayed, sleep slowly claimed you as he lectured you on hiding away again.
You didn't feel the shame anymore, just a settled relief that you'd be okay as long as you had him.