parks and recreation inspired sentence meme
“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”
“I will defeat you. I will defeat you right into my pants.”
“Would you mind if I snapped a you-y? It’s what I call selfies of other people.”
“I’ll wear that red thing when you deserve to see me in that red thing.”
“Slowing down is not really my jam.”
“Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness.”
“I don’t drink alcohol from that portion of the color system.”
“What’s the 411? Who you crushin’ on these days?”
“I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks.”
“If all goes well, this might be one of the last times I get to speak to you.”
“You are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.”
“Children are terrible artists and artists are crooks.”
“I got you a going away present. I’m finally deleting you from my phone.”
“You can trust me because I don’t care enough about you to lie.”
“Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!”
“I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.”
“I wished for his happiness to go away. I might be a wizard.”
“My pleasure. See you in hell!”
“I received adorable nicknames and amazing backrubs.”
“I think that comic sans always screams fun, right?”
“If you re-arrange the letters of Peru, you get Europe.”
“Are you gonna murder me and bury me at this gas station?”
“You’re beautiful! On the inside… where your spirit lives.”
“Is he eating soup? On a bench? Alone?”
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, this is a whole never level of nerd.”
“Behind every successful man is me smiling and taking partial credit.”
“When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”
“She’s the cold distant mother I never had. I love her.”
“I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.”
“Oh my God, your inbox is literally filled with penises.”
“I hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears.”
“I made my money the old fashioned way. I got run over by a Lexus!”
“I think at some point you and I should probably make out with each other.”
“And let’s be honest, it would be nice to not have to pull strange things out of people’s butts every night.”
“It’s not for me. These waffles make great dog laxatives.”
“I’m sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?”
“Are you sick? Are you terminal? Is it like that movie A Walk to Remember?”
“It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”
“Hey, are you alright? You seem super not happy.”
“Normally people tell you to talk about your problems. I’m gonna recommend you bottle that noise up.”
“There are two things I know about white people: they love Matchbox 20, and they are terrified of curses.”
“Then I’m sure he’s not cheating on you. But if he is, he’s a monster. And if he’s not, you guys are great together. But if he is, I will kill him.”
“Look, who hasn’t had gay thoughts? Who?”
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