there isn’t a single night amelia doesn’t fall asleep with tears attached to her face, dreaming of the what if’s she’d have if only the universe was kind to her, once. only her la family knows about her deepest secret. her blood related family has absolutely no idea of how TRAGIC her story has become. they don’t know about the last time she has fallen off the wagon, what it meant and what it cost her. addison tried to make her tell her family, her brother at least, but she knew how secrets never stay hidden in her family. she couldn’t bear to listen to her mother’s disappointed voice another time. she didn’t know any other tone to her voice, to be honest, but she felt this time could be the breaking point.
leaving la behind and go live with her brother in seattle hadn’t been an easy decision. she was finally in a happy relationship, with a man she loved and who loved and respected her, working an ideal job. everything was good, she was surrounded by family and soon, she’d start her own. that thought though was enough to keep her awake at night. that simple thought alone terrified her more than anything else and so she ran. she left james and didn’t look back, too overwhelmed by dark feelings. she had only tell derek and meredith that she had broken up her engagement with james but never gave them a reason. meredith probably kept thinking she was just a junkie, too crazy and too childish to make a real commitment. as for derek? she prefered not wondering.
at the sound of a key entering and opening the front door, amelia wiped her tears as quickly as she could and she straightened up in the couch. she thought the room would fill up with the kids laughter and little screams, running around the house like they weren’t there every day. instead, it was solely her brother. she looked at him in the eye, no words needed to understand each other. it didn’t matter how much they fought, somehow, their dreadful shared event as kids had bonded them together forever. the house was too silent, only derek’s steps around and as he stepped one of bailey’s toys, a chill ran down her spine and it triggered a whole sobbing moment. she started and she couldn’t make it stop. a few seconds later, she tried to focus on breathing i n and breathing o u t. she saw her brother sitting next to her through her clouded blue eyes, concern painted on his own. and just like that, as easy as her tears shaped her face, she started venting like she hadn’t before, with him.
❛ i can’t— i can’t do this. i CAN’T. i don’t know how you can do this. be there and be here. have kids, keeping up. i mean, i know but i can’t. i just—— oh god. i was SUPPOSED to have this. not with james— also with james but i can’t. i’m already a mom. i’m already a mom. ❜ inhale, exhale. ❛ i’ve had a son, derek. a baby boy. back in la, before james. i was a mom but he— uh, he had no brain so he— he died. i got to hold him but then— it was T I M E. he donated all of his organs. he was MY unicorn baby. ❜
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