BRILLIANT!

"Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!" 【 Independant 】 【 Selective 】 【 Crossover-friendly 】 【 OC-friendly 】 【 Canon-divergent 】 【 Private 】

[mcrcn-blog1]

;; aaaaanyway wheatley’s an incel. factual.

[hyperionmistake]

callout post for @mcrcn/@weirdmageddons/@loinhumano aka meat

claptrap’s #1 fanboy. the guy who dies every time he sees a claptrap in pre-sequel and the man who will suffer at the end of the claptastic voyage.

[mcrcn-blog1]

everyblxckbelt·:

@mcrcn·

He’s snooping around, body close to the ground, legs pushing him forwards like a dog investigating a crime. Rick is looking for adventure, popping himself into a bush ( that had grown from the wall ) and moves aside a few of the leaves to get a clear view at what he was seeing; abandoned Aperture. Of course, testing was always going to be interesting, but nothing beat going deep into the underbelly of what used to be the facility and messing with little trinkets he found, pocketing them like artefacts. As he did this, he hummed his theme song, rolling on the ground like he was an orb again and spitting out dirt that caught itself into his mouth.

Then he hopped around for a bit, getting from point A to point B with vigour and filled with ( artificial ) adrenaline that he used to his energetic advantage. It got boring in the new facility sometimes; it didn’t hurt to come around here every so often and fiddle with a typewriter, or look for animals that very much couldn’t survive in the poisonous atmosphere, or inspect a leaf he plucked from a dying tree that miraculously sprouted from the ground out of the sheer willpower that it didn’t deserve to die. And Rick loved this; he only hoped nobody ( or at least nobody boring ) would bother him.

【 🔵 】 — ...Alright,  he stayed in silence far longer than what was common for him. Who was to blame him? This was like watching a zoo animal. “ What in the bleeding hell are you doing? ”

If he was honest, Wheatley wasn’t too surprised at this little... Display. It was just a Rick thing to do— muck around like a wannabe Indiana Jones, perfectly coupled with a theme song of his own design, parkouring about what was left of the facility like a mad man. He’d comment something about him ‘going bonkers’, but like was just said, just a Rick thing to do.

That didn’t mean it didn’t confuse Wheatley any more than it did. Call him a coward (and you’d be right), but he just didn’t see the appeal of swinging from vine-esc wires over vats of deadly chemical. There wasn’t anything to gain except a bragging right or two! He had a ton of bragging rights. Such as... Eh... He’ll get back to you on that.

“ You don’t know where that thing’s been! Y’can’t just stick it in your mouth! Could have been poisoned— well, we can’t really react to poison— it could have been— no, that wouldn’t be a bother either... ”

Bringing a hand up to his chin, he thought for a moment on what he could potentially hold over Rick’s head as to why what he was doing was so bad. Who’s jealous? Not him.

[mcrcn-blog1]

xalways-togetherx·:

Kara didn’t have the heart to correct the core on herself and Alice being human, it didn’t seem wise to let him know that either. Who knew what kind of protocols were in place for deviants with Aperture. It was certainly a bold statement for the lab to establish a recruitment station in the heart of Cyberlife’s hometown. She did ask, so she was curious to listen, “Please, by all means.”

Alice on the other hand had made a quick observation that the A.I core was chatty, very chatty. It was almost hard to keep up with him, then again with no lungs there was no need to pause for breaths in a conversation. She was still too shy to speak up or engage, but she was willing to try and follow along with his explanation.

【 🔵 】— “ Right then! I’ll lay it out. It’s pretty simple, yeah? Not too difficult of a concept to wrap your fleshy head around. ”

He seemed pleased with himself for actually managing to get an audience for once. Usually people just walked in to use the bathroom after he’d greeted them, but this time around he was actually getting interest! He hadn’t even said what the nature of this was!

“ S’ a recruitment center for Aperture Science! ”

...Alright, he had already said what the nature of this was, he just didn’t realize it.

“ I’m supposed to be scouting talent. Really complicated job, it is. Lots of boxes to check. One; are they physically able? ...The list ends there. There’s-There’s a lot that goes into it though! ”

[mcrcn-blog1]

;; listen here fuckers i learned how to use sfm strictly to make core icons i am UNSTOPPABLE now....

[mcrcn-blog1]

" You can't be serious." - GLaDOS (docsmuses)

【 🔵 】— “ Ahhehh… ”

He should probably take into account that she could hear everything in this place, there wasn’t a whole lot of talking-to-himself-ness he could get away with. The core was incredibly chatty, and that usually got in the way of a lot.

It certainly got in the way of keeping the whole ‘I accidentally dropped the chip containing the pass-code to the replacement equipment for the turret bullet production line’ under wraps. Then again, that was quite the mouthful, wasn’t it? Regardless, just a tiny little detail he forgot to relay! Minuscule! 

“ Whassat? Sounds like a… A bird! I think I heard a bird! That was probably what you heard, that bird, you heard a bird, not me. I didn’t say nothing! ”

[mcrcn-blog1]

he never claimed to be a very good dancer.

[dpppppp-deactivated20201207]

[mcrcn-blog1]

hyperionmistake‌:

dp2282‌:

My favorite Portal/Borderlands series characters :D

@mcrcn

[mcrcn-blog1]

hyperionmistake·:

“NEW HIRE? WOW! I’VE GOT A JOB! WAIT TIL ALL MY FRIENDS HEAR ABOUT THIS!” He had none– Claptrap was considered a necessary nuisance by those on Pandora, especially the Vault Hunters. Not that he cared. He was a legendary hero! He’d saved Elpis! He was–

He was forgetting why he’d come here.

“OF COURSE THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BOXES. I MEAN JUST LOOK AT ALL MY ANGLES. ALL THE FEMBOTS WANT A SLICE OF THIS.” With that comment, he proceeded to embarrass himself further, performing an artful little dance before his captive audience. He had the smooth moves that made all the bandits go AAAAAAGUGHGH.

【 🔵 】—“ Not a new hire. Not a hire at all, actually. Just new. ”

He jerked his chassis in a little ‘follow me’ motion, starting to move down the rail at his usual pace. He stilled for a moment, remembering that this guy only had a teeny wheel to move himself about. Not at all envious, Wheatley slowed himself down to better allow Claptrap to keep up.

“ Angles is what tickles their fancy where you come from? Huh. Horses for courses. You won’t find a lot of ladies ‘round here. It’s a right bachelors party, it is! ”

[mcrcn-blog1]

hyperionmistake·:

@mcrcn cont

“IT SEEMS AS IF YOUR AUDIO PROCESSORS ARE MALFUNCTIONING! YOU SHOULD POP IN TO VISIT MY GOOD BUDDY HAMMERLOCK. HE’LL FIX YOU RIGHT UP WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CHEESEBURGER SIDE EFFECTS!” Honestly he had no idea where he’d ended up– a night of drinking and poker and he woke up in this weird– sciency place. Obviously this guy was here to show him around.

Or rob and murder him.

It could go either way at this point, honestly.

【 🔵 】— “ Ohhhh! S’right! You’re the— ah— new hire, eh? Well, you’re not a hire necessarily, but you’re new. Figured, seeing as you’re, y’know, a box. ”

First the smelly humans, now the new guy? Who was putting all this on him!? Well, the answer was obvious, but he’s still gonna throw a fit on the inside. He was worth much more than a trainer! Regardless, he was stuck with him, might as well get it over with.

“ Nothing wrong with boxes either. It’s just not how we do things here in ol’ Aperture. Surprised you didn’t get suited up already. Not a problem! Might as well get you acquainted. Follow me, then! ”

[mcrcn-blog1]

"GREETINGS! I AM A CL4P-TP UNIT, ALSO KNOWN AS A CLAPTRAP-- BUT YOUUUUU CAN CALL ME MASTER!"

【 🔵 】— This guy wasn’t exactly good at first impressions— Wheatley wasn’t one to judge in that area, but still. He… Wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that. His optic shifted, shutters moving to simulate a squint. 

“ Yeaahhh, not gonna do that. Claptrap’ll work though! That works plenty more than the first option. S’not— y’know what? It’s fine! It’s fine… Still not gonna call you that though. ”

[hyperionmistake]

HELLOOOOOOOOO MINIONS!

COULD YOU USE A BIT OF ADVENTURE IN YOUR LIFE? WELL THEN DON’T BOTHER ME. I’M JUST A ROBOT TRYING TO STAY ALIVE OUT HERE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE BEING THE LAST OF YOUR KIND?

ANYWAY, IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A NOBLE ROBOT TO SERVE UNDER, THEN GIVE US A FOLLOW! IF YOU’RE STRONG ENOUGH, I MIGHT EVEN LET YOU BE MY NEW SQUIRE!

[mcrcn-blog1]

thephoenixnomore·:

“Or any form of weaponry, according to my scans.” Interjected a voice from the alien’s synthetic left arm “Hell, best he could do is headbutt ya.”

“Thanks for the information I never asked for, Hephaestus.” The alien sighed “Look, Orb-bot, it’s obvious we started off on the wrong foot-”

“Doesn’t have feet, either.”

“Heph, mute it!..So I’m willing to start over if you are. I’m Val’Os nar Idenna vas Luna. That immature third voice is my A.I. companion, Hephaestus. You are?”  

【 🔵 】—“ Vayloos, eh? Not bad. Not a bad name, per se. Not a bad name for a not-a-bad guy. ”

He couldn’t have botched that any more than he did, but there you have it. Truthfully it was nice to be able to have some conversation for once, taking care of test subjects in cryo-stasis didn’t make for a lot of invigorating conversations. 

“ Not an orb-bot, actually. An orb-AI, sure! Y-You could say that! But you shouldn’t because I have a name. Wheatley, in’it? What a name it is! Not that Vahlous isn’t a good name, it’s fine! It’s fine. Nope. Nothing wrong about it. And your little friend- what was it- Heff? Jeff? Thas’it. Jeff. ”

...Little talkative with his guard down.

[mcrcn-blog1]

thephoenixnomore·:

                                  Continued from @mcrcn

The suit-clad alien gazed at the spherical synthetic. Unfortunately for the metal ball-bot, his race was way smarter than any human when it came to tech. Not that Mono-clops had a higher bar to begin with.

“Um…” The alien replied, an arched brow under his helmet “…you DO know that’s a major structural impossibility, right?”

【 🔵 】—“ ...Ah. ”

As he processed the inconsistency in his little threat, his pupil grew smaller in panic. He never was good with quick thinking, and situations where someone claimed to be friendly weren’t excluded.

...Wheatley just realized that this guy probably wasn’t lying.

“ Right. Just gonna be honest here, flat out, no brilliant lies anymore, I don’t have... ”

Just for good measure, in case he was lying.

“ ...A rocket launcher. ”

[mcrcn-blog1]

"No, d-don't activate defenses! I'm friendly, I assure you."

【 🔵 】—“ Ohhh, you’re in for it now, buddy. ”

…He was just trying to scare this guy off, he didn’t actually have any sort of defense to his name. But there’s nowhere in the Laws of Robotics that says you can’t fib a little, right?

“ You’re really in for it now. This casing is packed full of bullets, explosives, a little bottle of corrosives, and a rocket launcher for good measure. The whole thing—massive! Might as well tottle off from where you came from. ”

[mcrcn-blog1]

" Just hold on, I'll help you as much as I can. " - also vegaphysics, a sideblog to antiherod! hello hello!!

【 🔵 】— “ I don’t need help, mate! I’ve got it covered. Totally covered. 100% covered. ”

Even he knew he didn’t have it covered. Totally covered. 100% covered. This was completely outside of his field! However, Wheatley had a little too much pride to accept help from someone without completely reaching rock bottom... Which he had. Rock solid bottom. Shutters clicked over his optic, heaving out an exaggerated sigh before swiveling to look down in shame.

“ ...Right. What do you know about crossword puzzles then? ”

[mcrcn-blog1]

xalways-togetherx·:

@mcrcn started following you

“Well, this is… new,” Kara was well aware that Cyberlife had it’s competitors in the industry of technological advancements. Still, she had yet to properly meet one before face to face. Alice was tucked underneath her arm, looking up at the other curiously. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Kara and this is Alice. What brings you to Detroit?”

【 🔵 】— “ ‘Ello! ”

New indeed— Aperture finally expanding its hold on science and capitalizing on new territory was a little unheard of, seeing as their facility extended miles into the earth. However, this location was primarily for recruitment, and it didn’t make sense to waste manpower on- well- man. Might as well send a core out to do the job, eh? One friendly, talkative enough to lure in some test subjects, and informed on the nature of Aperture... Well enough, at least.

“ Detroit, eh? Lovely place! The city of cities! Welcoming to a core of my status. Artificial intelligence is commonplace around here, yeah? A human like you’d know that. ” ...One would think he’d recognize an android by now, but the civilian clothes didn’t help his case. “ I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m here for. Here, in this quaint little recruitment center for good ol’ Aperture Science. Well— then again, you did ask, so I ought to tell you! ”