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Are you aware of the fact that you may never see me again

And it's all because of your stupid boyfriend, fiance, whatever

I want us to go back to how things were

Back to when you were mine and I was yours

Today is just a nightmare that I want to end

I wish we could go back to being more than friends

I want to come in but you won't let me in(x2)

I don't know what to do now

I don't even know who is who now

I'll just walk down the street

with a big frown on my face

I'll look up at the clouds aren't they so nice and grey

Then I'll blame the rain for little orbs running down my face

I'm big and I'm strong but no I'm not that tall

I don't wanna be like this forever sometimes I like to be small

If you're just nice to me then you'll walk straight through my walls

I'll fall into your arms and once we start to talk

If your sweet enough I'll let you into my heart

It's not that

Hard

But you won't let me in

At least no, not again

You're so selfish,

For calling me selfish.

When all I was trying to convey was that I was feeling helpless.

What kind of life will I live if I don't show my passions?

I could scream at the top of my lungs,

With my veins exposed,

Have my face turn red,

Let my words echo.

Or I can go out I to that field

Let it all go.

Be the hero I want,

And not do as I'm told.

If I die young then was I meant to grow old?

No.

So I'll wash the blood off of my hands,

Using the sands of time,

My hands won't stain from this malevolent desire.

As I pull them out I dont feel that they're mine.

Put the gun up to my head and let it all go in one line.

So you tell me who's truly selfish.

If you were the one that chose me over your man because he wasn't home.

Did I use you?

Did you use me?

I mean honestly,

It doesn't matter truly

Because he doesn't know, /and/

He proposed /and/

I don't know if I /can/

Let this go.

It just

Goes to show

That no matter how much you think you know somone

You really don't.

I find it funny that you asked why I never wrote about you.

I really never knew how to.

You never made me feel shitty enough to I guess.

Well look at me now.

I have memories of such better times.

Nothing but sadness and anger plagues me now.

I tell myself day in and day out that it will get better some how.

Really I don't know if it ever truly will

Yet here I am still.

Some how.

My stories aren't meaningless for they all have a certain life to them.

My emotion doesn't flow it crashes and sways as swift as the wind does change.

We learn more about ourselves every day piece by piece we make new discoveries.

Slowly our hearts will make their recoveries and well be ready to truly love again.

To give ourselves enough time for our scars to fade or even simply hide with little to no pain.

These pieces we find shape and mold us into the heros we were always meant to be.

Free as a bird, and as swift as our switches we are learning to give ourselves quickening forgivness.

For this life is short and it holds no meaning until we decide what to seek, our time is fleeting.

So we say this with hope in our eyes, we will have fruitful lives of passion, of lust, of heartbreak and trust.

Nothing will stop me from finding my one true love, if we havent crossed paths already.

I'll wait and I'll wait and I'll wait some more.

Until that very last second I'll walk through those doors and scream I do at the top of my lungs for all the wrong reasons.

I'll wait and I'll wait and I'll wait some more.

My clocks a little off I'll admit that cause I know I must be off my rocker to come up to you at the altar with type of offer and I'll probably catch a bitch slap twice.

One from you and one from him and I'll take em both with a smile

Because in a while mark my words

You're gonna see a bloody grin as I drop to a knee and ask you to marry me instead of him.

Drop Captain Hook and come with peter pan

With him it may be a romantic novel but with me it'll be Neverland

We don't have to grow old we can be kids again. Now and forever just like we always said.

You'll probably say it's to late for that and I'll get mad and storm just like I always have

I guess I won't have changed and I'm to blame for that.

But I'm okay with that.

My wickedness is self preservation is what the floor in front of my front door will say and I'll scrape my boots on that floor mat everyday

Waiting for those words to fade away from my skin

Seep out of my soul

I wanna cleanse myself of these sins

With you I want to grow old.

So I'll wait and I'll wait and I'll wait some more.

You, me and that wrap around porch breathing in the salty florida air

While holding hands swaying back and forth in a couple of rocking chairs.

So I'll be waiting.

At the end of the day when I get home, shit don't even matter cause I'm all alone. Minds to loud so I take a 40oz to the dome followed by a .45 and have my mind blown. My head is scattered on the wall is brain matter and it don't matter. I can either get help or kill myself and I choose the ladder. I feel alone at night, either with a bitch in my bed or an ex in my head. Either way I can't get rid of em fast enough. Trust me sweets I know I've had enough, to drink. But when you say you don't love me anymore you know I'm gonna call your bluff. Maybe I'm a little obsessive, yeah it's possible. Maybe even a little possessive? Yeah that's probable. But I really don't know how to let go. Maybe you can show me how you let go of me one last time before I really lose my mind. I've already lost four years of time collecting broken heart pieces in an attempt to fix mine. It's never on purpose, I'm just tryna find another one true love but all this shit is worthless if it ain't you. I really wish that shit weren't true cause all I've I done is cause, chaos, depression, and heartache. Broken minds, spirits, and pain inside of my wake. I try to move one foot at a time but step by step don't work for me, I'm all or nothing unfortunately...

Unfortunately...

Ink

Soulless entity,

Runes upon his corpse,

Cry out a name with his dying breath,

When wept his voice was coarse.

Never changing.

I didn't tell you happy birthday.

I wanted to but I feared he would see it and only give you a hard time.

I already fucked up one gathering.

I didn't want to ruin a day dedicated to you.

I really didn't think you'd care that I didn't.

I still don't.

But if nothing else I know that I'm still doing what i can to protect and take care of you from this distance...

I try to send you funny photos and posts I find on various social medias but they go unopened.

I just want to make you smile.

So I'm writing this letter in hopes that you still think or care enough about me enough to check these essentially unused blogs to see how I am.

I can't look at yours...

I'm too weak really.

But yeah...

Happy birthday Bubby...

Yours truly,

Rabbit.

20 years and it means nothing, Without you.

What's changed?

The hawk chases prey,

Sparrow swoops in close enough,

the prey naive stayed.

0547 09/17/18

The silence grows louder as i learn more about myself. It's a pressure and a ringing sound penetrating my head that i can't shake. It's a nauseous feeling in my stomach i can't rid myself of. I no longer fear it. I truthfully believe that I have come to almost embrace it? I'm alone yet i dont feel as of I'm doomed. This sensation or recognition of feels brand new to me. I've come to the conclusion that this is what it is to truly be by myself. I'm not scared of what's to come. I'm not entirely embraceful of it either. It's new yet familiar and I am confused for lack of a better term. None of them have answered to my crys or pleas. Is it possible that they're waiting? I don't know but, I'm sure of one thing and one thing alone. It's the fact that I am indeed asleep.

0553 09/17/18

I'm surrounded by those who love me yet I am so alone.

Please, end it...

You don't respond anymore so why do I still write when I've no reason to??

My writing doesn't matter. It's no longer a window into my soul or my heart, all my writing is a pathetic cry for help and you couldn't care less. I see what i don't want to, it makes me angry. What's worse is the fact that what makes me angry is you having happiness with someone else and that only makes it even worse because that makes me toxic. But i can't help it anymore. I'm selfish, self loathing, narcissistic, depressed, greedy and trapped. I can see why you wouldn't want to step foot near me. I'm a time bomb just ticking down second by second till he explodes makes an ass of himself and the process repeats. I'm not me anymore and I hate it. I've lost sight of everything important to me and I've bit off more than i could chew. I'm numb and vibrating. I want to hurt someone, i want to hurt myself. At this point all this is, is a pathetic attempt at venting... someone kill me ill pay you three grand.

Annnddd I'm crying. Cool.

I love you so much and I'm not going to be successful in the morning //_and_// I'm sorry I was gonna be late// _to do with anyways_// you better hit that// was the whole point of the trip was tripping in itself really lmao// I'm working on it my guy// it just got done// hope you're ready to leave the house and go out again// you're the sweetest and i want to do anything i can do to you//_ on the phone is about to be_/ ive been up for two baby girl/ I'll just pin you to a wall and watch you too honey I'm not going to bed probs lol i have a problem with the first place for me lol i was only slightly confused with the baby girl c ontractions I'm not going to bed soon as i can get a ride home cause ive got a deep cut on the bottom left it will say hi s ome errands to run the house and go out again cx /you're the sweetest/

I cant effectivly communicate my feelings..........

Four clicks of my center text option. Fitting.

I love you so much and I'm sorry

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