LIFE!!!!

Humein aitbaar hai khudse ki hui mohabbat par; yeh akeli zaroor hai, par adhoori nahi.

[meenakshikeswani]

To my modern & liberal Naani, that's my last memory with you...

From where should I start writing about you my liberal, extrovert, modern & forever cheer leader. You're the only woman in family who has got the mindset of today's generation & who has been my strongest pillar through my achievements of all my stereotypical breakdowns. Be it having short hair or wearing skinny clothes when I was over weight or leaving the hometown for a job or doing any damn thing which is not rights as per others in family; you have always been my rock hard support who cheered me up for being me. You taught me to be unapologetically myself beyond all the society norms. Even though you came from an era where girls were not even allowed to have an opinion or step outside home or get educated; despite the fact that you got married at an age of 14, you never ever had any stereotypical expectations from your kids or grandkids. You relived your own dreams through us. I remember the only that was of utmost importance to you was whether we are happy or not. You always made me realise how important it is to prioritise your own happiness over any societal drama. You taught us IDGAF attitude during those years when this term wasn't even coined. You never opposed a single action of mine or way of living. You never made me realise that I'm less or not enough of anything even though I always had flaws. You were my strongest & forever cheerleader. I remember being scolded by family for moving out of hometown l, staying single, not being a believer of certain concepts such as marriage & being way too much outspoken; it was always you who didn't utter a single word against me on any of these things, infact you were the only one who always asked me, "Tu khush hai na?" & when I answered "Yes", you were always like "bass fir, tujhe jisme khushi mile, voh kar". It was only you who asked me this thing at every situation & at every meet of ours with open arms. You never questioned my choices even at the times when everyone else was unhappy & disappointed with me coz the only thing that made sense to you was my happiness.

I miss you my forever aaj ke zamaane wali Naani. I miss our gossip sessions & unconditional support for me. I miss giving a peck on your cheeks & teasing one is sour & other is sweet. I know you've given way too much to our family & you've handled all the relationships around with so much warmth & affection. You've gone through lot of illness & pain & may be now it's time for you to be relieved from all those sufferings. We will always remember you with smiles. You'll be my favourite teacher who taught me things like IDGAF, self respect, finding happiness in your own actions & deeds, fighting against all stereotypes.

May you be at peace by biggest cheerleader, forever storyteller, gossip partner & my strongest support system.

[meenakshikeswani]

MaamuJaan

Dear MaamuJaan,

I never thought there would be a day when I had to write a letter to you. I've been trying to do this since 26months but couldn't. May be I find the courage today to finally finish writing this letter. I know I've been remembering you with tears, pain & disappointments. As I write this, I feel the warmth of your love around me, I see my eyes sparkling with tears & I see my hands shivering coz there's no one to hold them firmly like you did always. You've been my life coach, my mentor, my best friend, my constant corporate rant partner, foodie buddy, travel companion, adventure explorer & every possible bond through all ages in my life. 25 years back it was you who held my hand & took me to a cinema hall so that I can watch my first movie that is Kuch Kuch Hota hai. I know movies, songs, SRK all coz of you. I learnt how much fun lies in travelling to unknown destinations & exploring different adventures around. You made us explore most beautiful places & you made us aware about importance of Friendships in life. You made us realise how beautiful life can be. I remember singing 70s & 80s songs loudly & dancing on them with you during our travel journeys. I remember you surprising me with my favourite eateries & sweet dishes on every occasion we met. The sweets are no longer my favourite delicacies. The surprises no longer excite me & my childhood can no longer be remembered with happiness. You taught us to live, love & laugh no matter what. The art of giving infinite love & affection has been your legacy always. You've always taught me the real gentleman is all about being humble & chivalrous. To the corporate rants with you & discussing about my coffee dates; our never ending phone conversations & chats were my life saviour. You've been my forever listener, biggest critic, my cheerleader. There have been phases in life where you were in utmost pain but you still managed to take up every possible responsibility with the widest smile. I can't remember a single dull moment around you or a frown on your face. You've carried all the pain, responsibilities, not so favorable conditions, burdens of everyone's happiness on your shoulders without letting ppl know about your scars, wounds & disappointments. You've been my constant support system & you were a shade of happiness, love & warmth to all of us.  I remember seeing you in hospital when you were unwell & at that time also, you said...why are you here all the way from Hyderabad to see me..go back & resume back to work..its just a minor illness & I'll be back home in 2 days..

9th April, 2021- I can never write about this feeling..Seeing you on a death bed gave me flashback of all my childhood memories, my happy moments, your surprises, our fights, our debates, our never ending calls. I saw a part of us going away with you. I saw all the warmth, affection, love vanishing & we were completely sinking in an ocean of pain, disappointments, broken dreams, teary eyes, complaints from universe & hell lot of sorrows. We all have been so selfish throughout that we remember you for fulfilling our dreams, hopes & ambitions. You've been a fighter always till your last breathe & you did every possible thing throughout your life to give us joy. And look at us now, we are not even letting you go in peace coz of our selfish mottos. I know it's the most difficult thing for me to say but today I'll try once again & make your journey easier.

MAY YOU BE AT PEACE MAAMUJAAN & MAY YOU LIVE A PAIN-FREE LIFE WHEREVER YOU ARE. MAY YOU BE COURAGEOUS AS ALWAYS WHO SPREADS SMILES, HAPPINESS, WARMTH & AFFECTION. MAY YOU ALWAYS KEEP SHINING MY BRIGHTEST STAR.

I know our lives no longer remain same without you but I promise to do all those things that you always wanted us to do so that tomorrow if you look at us from up above the sky, you would feel proud of us. You always loved my write-ups so with this letter to you, I resume back to writing. You always loved to see me dancing & I promise you I'll surely pursue my hobby for at least once a week. You always taught us to explore unknown destinations & take up the adventures that you never thought of. And here I write you this letter post my trek with a group of 19 unknown strangers who made me accept life with a smile & here I am, accepting your going away. I know it won't be easy for any of us but I'll surely try my best to survive this. As you've always quoted me as "strong, bold & independent eldest daughter in family"; I'll surely keep this tag intact. You always wanted me to relocate back to Mumbai even though you were aware about my Canada visa arrivals. So here I am, completely moving back to Mumbai with a heart full of mixed emotions, chalking out my further career plans to sustain in this city. I know we all have made your soul stuck here in pain, denial phase & disappointments. But I promise you to free your soul today & let you live happily wherever you are. Henceforth, you'll be remembered with smiles, songs & happiness around. You'll be at peace for sure. May we all are able to set you free & be at peace. I'll continue to live, love & laugh as the way you taught us. I'll always look upto the sky when there's darkness on me coz I know for a fact that there's one brightest star up above who's watching me & guiding me through all the darkest times. I'll smile looking at that brightest star.

[meenakshikeswani]

[meenakshikeswani]

मोहब्बत करो, बेइंतीह मोहब्बत करो, पर थोड़ी सी मोहब्बत खुद के लिए भी रखना, ताकि जब किसी और से की हुई मोहब्बत आबाद ना हो तब तुम खुदसे नजरें मिलाने के काबिल रहो।

[meenakshikeswani]

[meenakshikeswani]

[meenakshikeswani]

लोगों की जरूरतों के हिसाब से आप का महत्त्व और आपका उनकी ज़िंदगी में रहने का समय तय होता है!

#lifelessons

[meenakshikeswani]

A gal who made this new city as my HOME

It's said “Life's the best teacher you can ever have”. I feel life’s just a classroom & people are your teachers that give you different experiences & learnings. And you experience this most when you move away from your hometown. So here's to my story of staying in new city from last one year & accepting it as my home.

Before leaving my hometown, I never thought or felt the need of having someone apart from my blood relations to whom I can look upon for any advices,care, love & attention as I so firmly believed in quote “"Family are the only ones who are bound to love you unconditionally unlike others from whom you have to earn it”. But then when I moved away from hometown, I thought life would be too difficult to handle as there won't be anyone listening to me after I come home from a long tiring day or anyone who would give me a homely feeling when I am sick by making food for me or whiping off my tears when I miss my family or even just giving me a company for a cup of tea. 

But then life’s not that unfair too. I got blessed with a new friend after moving to a new place. A gal who made my life's journey so simple & beautiful with her kindness, generosity, unconditional love and never ending adorable homely gestures. A gal who cares like an elder sister, understands me like a best friend, advises me like a well wisher & partners me in- every gossip,crime, most randomest & shittiest crap. 

Right from learning to purchase household groceries to going out with a new guy, I can simply unconditionally undoubtedly look upon her  for her balanced emotional-logical thinking & perfectly well organised empathetic way of living..

Here's to the craziest late night conversations full of most pathetic abuses, never ending notorious discussions, unending bitchings, failed attempts of trying to have healthy foods, snoozed alarms of morning walks and last but not the least all latkaas n jhatkaas on Bollywood songs at most ultimate craziest parties, all these things do exist in my life because of u gal! Thank you sooo much for being there through all my thicks n thins n making this journey as the most cherishing phase of my life. I don't even dare to imagine how it would have been for me to survive, learn & accept this life without you in this new city.

Thank you for making this dumbass emotional creature as strong independent self made responsible “GAL” (You know very well why I highlighted “Gal”😉😉)

It's a year of knowing each other n all I could say is “You are the one who made this new city as my home”. It's never about the job, place, people at your workplace or money, it's all about who's standing beside you at the end of the day. Thank you for everything & hope this bond flourishes forever. 

[meenakshikeswani]

Family - They are the ones who are obligated to love u for what you are unlike rest of the world from whom u have to earn love or mould yourself. They are the ones who accept all ur flaws n weirdness n imperfections n all sorts of mood swings n still love u the same way. They are the ones who stand by u through all ur thicks n thins. At times u may misunderstand them, fight with them, argue with them, but eventually u vl realize that everything that was said n explained to u was for ur own betterment & happiness. U may fail in ur career, u may not be able to continue some relationships, u may make mistakes that turn ur life upside down n yeahhhh possibly u may make some wrong decisions that so affect ur family's life too but they will never leave you for those things. They will always walk beside u even though there is miles of darkness in ur path. N yeahhh most important of all... "GENERATION GAP ISSUES"..such silly things are bridged by us only in our family.. It's just an excuse for being closed n reserved towards your family. Learn to share your views with family. They are the ones who love u since from the day u didn't open ur eyes. N yeahhhh I know it's easy to write all this n difficult to follow but yeahh I write out of my own experience. A glass of whisky with Dad, The discussion about my latest crush with Mom n Sharing information about latest nasty websites with my Bro.... I never imagined such sort of comfort level with my family as I do felt same since childhood just like everyone else about this so called GENERATION GAP concept but as time passed I realized that THE MORE YOU SHARE, THE BETTER IS UNDERSTANDING & MORE STRONG N HONEST U R IN UR RELATIONSHIP. It's a bliss to have same ppl as family & best friends😘#family #unconditionallove #happiness #share #bestppl #bestfriends

[meenakshikeswani]

UNLOCKING SOME LIFE’s MYSTERY

Have you ever thought what it is that is sinked deep inside your heart & is immortal? What it is that gives us courage to trust someone blindly? What is that thing that makes us clinging between expectations & disappointments? Why we tend to forgive someone again & again after giving him so many chances? What makes us hold on to someone or something even after knowing that destiny is going to apart you? What it is that stays forever even after changing your priorities & completely removing someone’s thought from your mind? Do we really move on? Is it ever possible to forget someone completely? Do you also get like me all such questions popping up in your mind at every moment of your life?

Let’s try to feel such questions rather than answering.

It’s all about A FEELING.

It’s not a person, neither time, nor things that you miss. It’s A FEELING which that someone special gave you. The feeling of being-loved, cared, beautiful & important. You can forget time, moments, things, person; but you can never forget that feeling. Because at times you have evolved, you have grown, you have developed with that feeling. You may move on with different priorities, you may break the bonds, you may hate someone, you may forget every moment that once made you happy or sad but how you will remove something that is sink deep inside your heart. It’s A FEELING that makes you courageous enough to accept any bond or relationship in your life. It’s A FEELING which you get while being with someone & that helped you to connect to him for lifetime. It’s a feeling & not the heart beat which makes us alive.

Life’s too short to sink your feelings inside you only. Take a chance to express. Take a pride in having a feeling. Be courageous enough to stand for your own feelings without expecting anything in return. It’s okay if the other person doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings as you; ain’t you brave enough to express & feel unconditionally. Express to make your ownself feel good.

The more feelings you sink inside you, the more part of you gets destroyed day by day. The more you express, the more you evolve.

Learn to say “I DO” with a smile rather than thinking & being afraid of “WHAT IFs” & “BUTs.” 

[meenakshikeswani]

BE YOU

Sometimes you need to take break from everyone & spend time alone to experience, appreciate & love YOURSELF. Run the race of your life with the desire for being better than you were before & not with the purpose of proving yourself to someone else. Nobody in this world can play your role better than you. So be proud of your own actions, emotions, feelings & character you possess; after all you have such a great, pure & beautiful heart to carry all this. Its okay if someone doesn't appreciate your character or doesn't give you back same feelings & emotions, coz not everyone has the same heart as YOU. No one else is responsible for your happiness or sadness, it all depends on you; the only person in this world who can make you feel the way you want to is YOU YOURSELF. Be proud of whatever you are; you are born to live & express, not to impress. Let people see the REAL, IMPERFECT, FLAWED, QUIRKY, WEIRD, BEAUTIFUL, MAGICAL person that you are. TAKE A PRIDE IN BEING YOURSELF, BE THE HEROINE OF YOUR LIFE, NOT A VICTIM. Life's too short to live for others, so LIVE FOR YOURSELF, FLAUNT UR WEIRDNESS & IMPERFECTIONS. LOVE YOURSELF FOR BEING YOU. #loveyourself #beyou #express #flaunt

[meenakshikeswani]

A ROLLER COASTER RIDE OF LIFE

Love-hatred, friends-strangers, happiness-sadness, smiles-tears, new hopes-shattered dreams, fulfilled expectations-disappointments, new beginnings-old chapters, emotional-practical, stupidity-maturity, craziness-wisdom, achievement-failure, fantasy world-reality check, new things to learn-acceptance of some old school philosophies…. That’s all I could say about 2015 in bits n pieces…2015- A ROLLER COASTER RIDE of emotions, incidents, life & much more. A year to be cherished for lifetime. At the end of this roller coaster ride the only thing I am gonna follow is “BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND, LOVE URSELF, FIGHT FOR URSELF, TAKE CARE OF URSELF, EXPRESS URSELF, MAKE URSELF HAPPY, and CHASE AFTER WHAT U ACTUALLY WANT. EVERY YEAR U MAKE RESOLUTION TO CHANGE URSELF, THIS YEAR MAKE A RESOLUTION TO BE URSELF, ACCEPT URSELF FOR WAT U R & FLAUNT URSELF.

[meenakshikeswani]

SOME BURIED THOUGHTS INSIDE ALL OF US!

No matter how genuinely u care for someone, they will always treat u according to their needs & moods. No matter how strong u pretend to be, somewhere deep inside ur soul; u r that most weakest shedded leaf of tree that gets carried away with a slight wind. No matter how practical, matured n focused u behave; somewhere in ur subconscious mind there's a person who z most distracted, immature, emotional. No matter how unconditionally u try your best to preserve ur bond with someone, somewhere down the line in your life u r tired of being optimistic n u just wanna have that same unconditional efforts from someone to make u happy. No matter how much u have cried whole night, u still wake up in a morning with a new hopes of getting ur expectations fulfilled. No matter how much it affects, WE STILL MOVE ON WITH A SMILE, THAT'S ALL ABOUT LIFE... THE MORE U TRY TO KEEP IT SIMPLE THE MORE IT GETS COMPLICATED.

[meenakshikeswani]

IT’S A DECADE

Sometimes people come to your life not to love you but to make you realize that you are worth loving. Sometimes in life, you find a special friend who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you believe that there are really good things in this world. Someone who makes you believes in your own self. Someone who stands beside you when everyone else has walked away. Someone who accepts you when you are not ready to accept your own self. Someone who convinces you that this is really beautiful life which you are living; only the thing that is blocking you towards that life is your own attitude. Someone who completely transforms you as a person for your own betterment without expecting anything in return. Someone who teaches you to- accept yourself, love yourself, be yourself & find happiness inside your own heart.

And this someone in my life is none other than my best friend, my forever friend, my mentor, my well-wisher, my life savior, the reason behind my happiness & smile.

It’s all because of you that-

I am able to live this life independently on my own terms & conditions.

I today consider myself as the most important person in this world.

I flaunt my imperfections & weirdness with a smile on my face.

I have guts to express myself.

I consider myself as the most lovable & unique person.

 Your friendship has transformed me from the weakest, pessimistic, emotional, introvert, disappointed girl full of cribbing & grumbling nature to the strongest, optimistic, extrovert, independent girl full of life & happy go lucky nature & the one who doesn’t even care a bit about other’s opinion & perceptions about her.

 IT’S BEEN A DECADE of knowing each other. Although times have changed a lot but the bond is still the same. There were times when we used to talk for hours daily & now it’s like AN HOUR IN A YEAR but I still feel the same whenever I talk to you. You are still the only person in my life on whom I can look for at any stage of my life. Even though our lives have changed drastically, even though we don’t meet for ages or don’t talk to each other for months; there’s not a single day where I haven’t missed our one hour long conversation because more than anything that conversation has become the habit of our daily life at one point.

 People say attachment dies when you are matured, I don’t think so as for me we both have matured throughout these years just to understand each other in a better way & to keep alive our bond of friendship.

 I don’t know-

Till when we are going to be in touch with each other,

How far from each other we are going to go in our lives;

But surely I know one thing & that is whatsoever our priorities are, how much ever our lives change, how much ever times change, how much ever we change as a person; the only thing that is going to remain immortal in our hearts is this bond that we both share with each other.

You were, are & would always be considered as definition of friendship in my life till my last breath.

I owe you this life, my smile & all the happiness I have ever got.

Glad to have you as my forever friend.