Meet The Ranger

An ask-blog for Mann Co.’s #1 animal enthusiast.

[meet-the-ranger]

Hey y'all!

Might as well introduce myself. I'm RED team's Ranger, an expert on all things zoological. "Conservator" or "zoologist" might've been a better job title, but I think that just would've been a few too many syllables in a single word for some folks to handle.

Anyways, I saw some of my new co-workers have been doin' this whole "ask-blog" thing. I thought makin' my own would be a good way to get properly acquainted with everybody!

Feel free to drop by, if you feel so inclined! On second thought... Ms. Pauling told us we can't share the location of Reliable Excavation Demolition's headquarters, so I s'ppose you'll just have to leave a message.

It'll be just swell gettin' to know y'all!

(ooc: heya, mod here! If you’re interested in checking out my main blog or chatting with me outside of this rp-blog, my main @bubbl3zdaseaotter37.)

[meet-the-ranger]

Hello. The following is a message from the Teufort Census Bureau.

How would you rate your current employment?

Thank you for your co-operation.

@tf2-data-collection-agency

Well, I’d say a solid 7/10!

The folks here are nice enough, it pays well, and the gear is great. (It sure is convenient to have someone who knows how to fix things with more ‘n duct tape an’ all!)

My only hang up is how many hoops I’ve got to go through just to keep a few lil critters on base. It’s all part of the job, after all! Besides, that yankee kid wouldn’t ‘ave needed a trip to the medbay if he hadn’t been tryin’ to pet my Heloderma Suspectum.

[meet-the-ranger]

Another Ranger? Here, take this cool rock.

(OOC: She loves the cool rock)

[ranger-creechur-hours]

*She tilts her head curiously*

...Should Creature bring more cool rocks?

[meet-the-ranger]

[ The Ranger sniffles, quickly wiping her face and regaining her composure. She gives her a genuine smile. ]

Pardon the outburst. That’s just the nicest thing anyone’s done given me since I got here. I’d like that.

[ranger-creechur-hours]

*With a nod of understanding, she returns the smile with a toothy grin of her own.*

Don't apologize. Creature is happy you love cool rock.

...RED team giving you hard time?

[meet-the-ranger]

Naw, they’re nice enough folks.

Tough as nails though. Makin’ new acquaintances ain’t their first priority— can’t blame ‘em when we’ve got explosives flyin’ at us all the live long day, honest!

‘Sides, I think a few of ‘em are a bit sour after they kept finding frozen rats in the freezer for my gyrfalcons… I’m sure they’ll warm up sooner or later— our teammates, not the rats.

[ Ranger chuckles, seemingly amused by the event. Then, she scratches her head thoughtfully. ]

Though, I am surprised they’re not as worried about the talking severed head as they are about the rats…

[ranger-creechur-hours]

I think it's because the severed head isn't in the freezer in mess hall... ask Pauling for new freezer for your rats. That's what creature did for her reptiles' food.

*She smirks to herself for a moment*

And some of my own snacks. ...Wait, what's a gyrfalcon? Don't know birds as well as scaly creatures.

[meet-the-ranger]

This beauty, right here!

They’re a valuable huntin’ bird, but they’re much more interesting than that!

Falco rusticolus is the largest species of the family Falconidae. In the wild, its usual diet consists of waterfowl, fish, and small mammals. They’re native to North American and Siberian tundras, so it’s fairly likely our coworker, Heavy, has seen ‘em from time to time.

I’ve got two of ‘em, actually, one named Wilbur and the other, Orville! Orville's the one I showed you, there. They’re brothers, and they sure act like it.

And I sure will look into my own freezer. If Medic gets one, I don’t see why I wouldn’t!

[meet-the-ranger]

Another Ranger? Here, take this cool rock.

(OOC: She loves the cool rock)

[ranger-creechur-hours]

*She tilts her head curiously*

...Should Creature bring more cool rocks?

[meet-the-ranger]

[ The Ranger sniffles, quickly wiping her face and regaining her composure. She gives her a genuine smile. ]

Pardon the outburst. That’s just the nicest thing anyone’s done given me since I got here. I’d like that.

[ranger-creechur-hours]

*With a nod of understanding, she returns the smile with a toothy grin of her own.*

Don't apologize. Creature is happy you love cool rock.

...RED team giving you hard time?

[meet-the-ranger]

Naw, they’re nice enough folks.

Tough as nails though. Makin’ new acquaintances ain’t their first priority— can’t blame ‘em when we’ve got explosives flyin’ at us all the live long day, honest!

‘Sides, I think a few of ‘em are a bit sour after they kept finding frozen rats in the freezer for my gyrfalcons… I’m sure they’ll warm up sooner or later— our teammates, not the rats.

[ Ranger chuckles, seemingly amused by the event. Then, she scratches her head thoughtfully. ]

Though, I am surprised they’re not as worried about the talking severed head as they are about the rats…

[meet-the-ranger]

Another Ranger? Here, take this cool rock.

(OOC: She loves the cool rock)

[ranger-creechur-hours]

*She tilts her head curiously*

...Should Creature bring more cool rocks?

[meet-the-ranger]

[ The Ranger sniffles, quickly wiping her face and regaining her composure. She gives her a genuine smile. ]

Pardon the outburst. That’s just the nicest thing anyone’s done given me since I got here. I’d like that.

[tf2guysandmarta]

I'm looking for a good Valentine's Day gift for Soldier, ahhhh! I don't know what to give him!

[meet-the-ranger]

I’ve got a crate full of raccoon’s that got loose in the ammunitions room.

Ms. Pauling was gonna have me set ‘em loose somewhere near Teufort… but I ‘spose all our facilities are “near Teufort.”

- Ranger

[tf2guysandmarta]

Oh! That might help, thank you, thank you, thank you! :D

[meet-the-ranger]

Well, of course! I'm always happy to help.

'S long as they don't get their clever hands on Sniper's rifle again...

[meet-the-ranger]

Another Ranger? Here, take this cool rock.

(OOC: She loves the cool rock)

[tf2guysandmarta]

I'm looking for a good Valentine's Day gift for Soldier, ahhhh! I don't know what to give him!

[meet-the-ranger]

I’ve got a crate full of raccoon’s that got loose in the ammunitions room.

Ms. Pauling was gonna have me set ‘em loose somewhere near Teufort… but I ‘spose all our facilities are “near Teufort.”

- Ranger

[meet-the-assassin]

Hiya there, fellow REDs!

We ain’t been properly introduced yet. I’m the Ranger.

[ She lowers her voice, looking around nervously. ]

But you can call me Jude. Strictly off-the-ledger, o’ course. I still ain’t sure that we’re legally allowed to use each other’s names, but no one seems to pay that rule any mind…

Anyway, what’re your thoughts on the rest of the team? I still haven’t got a read on some of ‘em.

- @meet-the-ranger

Creator: Hi! It's nice to meet you! And uh I dunno if it's legal or not but... The name is Skylar. Or you can just call me Sky.

Assassin: Greetings, I'm Andrew. And uh about the others...

Assassin

Heavy: He has a pretty strong Russia accent.

Medic: A kind of person that Sky would get along.

Soldier: Kinda noisy.

Demoman: A true alcoholic.

Pyro: They scared me a bit...

Scout: He's really annoying.

Spy: Sneaky, but has good stealth. I kinda look up to him.

Sniper: Looks like an Australian but he said he's not.

Engineer: Smart.

Creator

Heavy: He loves sandwich.

Medic: I kinda like his little...experiments.

Solider: A real American.

Demoman: Alcoholic.

Pyro: FRIEND! :D

Scout: I mean he's kinda annoying, but he's cool.

Spy: Sneaky crab.

Sniper: Uhhhh...I dunno :p

Engineer: He's pretty much a walking calculator.

[meet-the-ranger]

Pleasure to see someone that is RED!

-RED florist

The pleasure’s all mine! It’s been quite a ride gettin’ to know the rest of our teammates. Seems like they’re quite the bunch!

So, what’s your part in all this, if y’don’t mind my asking?

[mbari-blog]

Meet the manefish: A rare and intriguing little deep-sea fish with dance moves 👋

We observed this manefish (Caristius macropus) 483 meters (1,584 feet) underwater during a dive in Monterey Bay in August of 2018. With a name like “macropus,” meaning large foot, this fin-tastic fish can really keep the beat.

Manefish grow to be 35 centimeters (13 inches) long, but this individual was likely a juvenile, measuring only about four centimeters (1.5 inches). This sighting was only the second time we have ever encountered this rare species. We paused to watch the fish dance for a few minutes, then continued our research mission.

Manefishes love to dine on siphonophores. Despite that, they have developed a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship with the spaghetti siphonophore (Bathyphysa conifera). The siphonophore provides protection while the fish munches away on their amphipod parasites.

MBARI’s Video Lab Team has painstakingly logged more than 11 million observations—animals, behaviors, interactions, geological features, marine debris, and more—along with location, depth, and surrounding habitat characteristics. Head over to our YouTube channel for the full video and check out MBARI's From the Vault playlist for some of the most interesting and unique observations our team has made over the last few decades.

[meet-the-ranger]

(So uh quick question: how do you see raccoons?)

I think they’re fascinatin’ little troublemakers!

They’re highly intelligent — great at problem solving, and they communicate with each other in over 200 unique sounds. Combine that with tiny, dexterous paws, not too different from our own?

Coon’s are quite the interesting creatures!

Although, they can be a bit of a nuisance if they make a mess of your garbage or chew through your walls…

[ The Ranger grimaces, thinking back to a certain incident involving Mann CO’s @meet-the-taxman and a horde of trained attack raccoons. She clears her throat pointedly. ]

By the way, did you know a group of raccoons is called a “nursery?”

[meet-the-assassin]

Creator: Damn that's actually pretty cool :0

[meet-the-ranger]

Why, thanks a bunch! I'm glad someone's takin' interest in my fun facts.

[meet-the-ranger]

Ranger here,

Miss Pauling keeps askin' me for my RED "employee application form," but I think I might've misplaced it sometime after she hunted me down while I was whitewater rafting in the amazon rainforest. [ Ranger sighs, as though recalling a quiet, perfectly relaxing day at the spa. ] My mistake!

Any idea where I might be able to get my hands on another copy? She seems like quite the busy girl (bless her heart) and I don't wanna bother.

[meet-the-ranger]

(So uh quick question: how do you see raccoons?)

I think they’re fascinatin’ little troublemakers!

They’re highly intelligent — great at problem solving, and they communicate with each other in over 200 unique sounds. Combine that with tiny, dexterous paws, not too different from our own?

Coon’s are quite the interesting creatures!

Although, they can be a bit of a nuisance if they make a mess of your garbage or chew through your walls…

[ The Ranger grimaces, thinking back to a certain incident involving Mann CO’s @meet-the-taxman and a horde of trained attack raccoons. She clears her throat pointedly. ]

By the way, did you know a group of raccoons is called a “nursery?”

[thebadlandszealot]

I'm sorry, TRAINED ATTACK RACOONS?!

I knew my phobia of the critters was justified, but that wasn't what I meant...

[meet-the-ranger]

Oh, that…?

[ Ranger chuckles, adjusting the neckerchief tied around her neck almost sheepishly. ]

Nothin’ to worry your pretty little head over!

I reckon as long as you stay on RED Soldier’s good side, those ‘coons won’t bother you. They’re a bit of an anomaly, ‘s far as I can gather. And I don’t think any of ‘em have rabies…

[thebadlandszealot]

...!

Oh, we've never actually formally met, have we?

My names Mihaly, I'm the red Zealot!

[meet-the-ranger]

It’s a pleasure to meet you!

I’m RED team’s Ranger. I was under the impression that the Administrator didn’t want us sharin’ our legal names, but it sure seems like no one pays an ear to her, and I’ve got yours now, so… mine’s Jude!

[thebadlandszealot]

Eh, I don't care, I'm off the grid anyway.

(which is a long story, but basically I wasn't traditionally hired.)

But Jude is a pretty name!

So is a ranger, like, a zookeeper sorta thingy?

With animals and stuff?

[meet-the-ranger]

Yessiree! Honestly, “Zoologist” or “Conservationist” would’ve been a better title, but I think that’s a few too many syllables for some folks.

After Medic’s doves kept gettin’ jumped by coyotes, Scout got sprayed by a skunk, an’ a mystery creature kept makin’ nests in Engie’s tech and on all the cameras, the Administrator saw fit to bring in a professional. There’s quite a few critters out there in the badlands!

[thebadlandszealot]

...well then.

Ya might know what this lil' guy's deal is.

*Mihaly then picks up from a box near her shrine her pet...

...a baby wild African dog (whose fur looks like a baby hyena's) named Sniff, named that because he sniffs constantly, rapidly and loudly.

He's currently doing that, his tail wagging back and forth so much it's a blur, and his lil' body wiggling from side to side.*

[meet-the-ranger]

[ The Ranger’s voice immediately rises several octaves in pitch. ]

Well ain’t you the cutest thing I ever saw! Look at you, you little wiggle bug! You’re quite a long ways from home, huh, handsome?

If bein’ on the wrong continent is your concern, I’ve got my suspicions. I happen to know Mr. Hale keeps quite the — ahem — collection of wildlife at Mann Co. headquarters. I’d keep this’n close ‘til I can make it back to Africa.

[ Despite her enthusiastic smile, there’s a certain forcefulness to it now. It’s almost too wide to be sincere. However, it’s gone just as quickly as it appeared. ]

Other’n that, I haven’t a clue how this lil devil got here!

[meet-the-ranger]

Heyyyyu welcome to the team!! :D-bea @ur-fave-sawyer

Why, thank you, Bea! It's my pleasure to meet you!

I will say, I didn't expect much of a warm welcome when I joined the team. It seems like some of our colleagues can be prickly as a porcupine, but I'm sure they'll warm up eventually.

[ur-fave-sawyer]

Oh they will trust!!

It took them a couple months to warm up to me when I first joined

[meet-the-ranger]

Well, that sure is good to hear!

I must admit, I'm used to spending more of my time around mother nature 'n wild animals than I do around humans... But now that you say that, maybe this gig isn't so different than dealing with wildlife after all! Some don't mind it, 's long as you got a treat in your hand, while it takes the skittish ones a good long time to get used to ya.

D'you have much experience with animals, Bea?

[ur-fave-sawyer]

Not really but I have a kitty!!

His names bixby :3

[meet-the-ranger]

Awww, what a cutie pie!

I’d love to get a cat, if I didn’t spend most of my time on the road. Felines are some of my favorite animals, though I most admit, I mostly deal with kitties who are… a tad bit bigger than sweet lil Bixby.

They’re all gettin’ cuddles from me, though!

[ur-fave-sawyer]

Thanks!! I found him wandering outside of base one day and scooped him up

Oooo maybe you could get one of those baby carrier things people wear on their chests and bring ur cat with you???

[meet-the-ranger]

Sounds like you’re halfway to a proper wildlife rescue certification already! This definitely ain’t the safest place for a little guy like that, what with all the live explosives and trained attack raccoons and deadly machinery… The list goes on, but it sure seems like he’s in good hands.

A cat-sized baby carrier ain’t half bad an idea, either! Let me know if you find any more strays wanderin’ where they shouldn’t. I’d be happy to take 'em in, even just for a little while.

[ur-fave-sawyer]

He knows how to use guns for some reason!!

[meet-the-ranger]

Y’know… I probably should’ve guessed. Seems like everyone within a hundred miles of Teufort knows how to shoot a gun, including the domesticated wildlife!

[ur-fave-sawyer]

Hey it was @isaacconagherbroadcasts who taught him!!

[meet-the-ranger]

Hm… maybe I should have him talk to my falcon, Orville.

I been tryin’ to teach him some tricks, but it’s takin’ a bit longer than I thought it would. Unlike his brother, Wilbur, his cornbread ain’t quite done in the middle, if y’know what I mean.

[meet-the-ranger]

(So uh quick question: how do you see raccoons?)

I think they’re fascinatin’ little troublemakers!

They’re highly intelligent — great at problem solving, and they communicate with each other in over 200 unique sounds. Combine that with tiny, dexterous paws, not too different from our own?

Coon’s are quite the interesting creatures!

Although, they can be a bit of a nuisance if they make a mess of your garbage or chew through your walls…

[ The Ranger grimaces, thinking back to a certain incident involving Mann CO’s @meet-the-taxman and a horde of trained attack raccoons. She clears her throat pointedly. ]

By the way, did you know a group of raccoons is called a “nursery?”

[thebadlandszealot]

I'm sorry, TRAINED ATTACK RACOONS?!

I knew my phobia of the critters was justified, but that wasn't what I meant...

[meet-the-ranger]

Oh, that…?

[ Ranger chuckles, adjusting the neckerchief tied around her neck almost sheepishly. ]

Nothin’ to worry your pretty little head over!

I reckon as long as you stay on RED Soldier’s good side, those ‘coons won’t bother you. They’re a bit of an anomaly, ‘s far as I can gather. And I don’t think any of ‘em have rabies…

[thebadlandszealot]

...!

Oh, we've never actually formally met, have we?

My names Mihaly, I'm the red Zealot!

[meet-the-ranger]

It’s a pleasure to meet you!

I’m RED team’s Ranger. I was under the impression that the Administrator didn’t want us sharin’ our legal names, but it sure seems like no one pays an ear to her, and I’ve got yours now, so… mine’s Jude!

[thebadlandszealot]

Eh, I don't care, I'm off the grid anyway.

(which is a long story, but basically I wasn't traditionally hired.)

But Jude is a pretty name!

So is a ranger, like, a zookeeper sorta thingy?

With animals and stuff?

[meet-the-ranger]

Yessiree! Honestly, “Zoologist” or “Conservationist” would’ve been a better title, but I think that’s a few too many syllables for some folks.

After Medic’s doves kept gettin’ jumped by coyotes, Scout got sprayed by a skunk, an’ a mystery creature kept makin’ nests in Engie’s tech and on all the cameras, the Administrator saw fit to bring in a professional. There’s quite a few critters out there in the badlands!

[meet-the-ranger]

(So uh quick question: how do you see raccoons?)

I think they’re fascinatin’ little troublemakers!

They’re highly intelligent — great at problem solving, and they communicate with each other in over 200 unique sounds. Combine that with tiny, dexterous paws, not too different from our own?

Coon’s are quite the interesting creatures!

Although, they can be a bit of a nuisance if they make a mess of your garbage or chew through your walls…

[ The Ranger grimaces, thinking back to a certain incident involving Mann CO’s @meet-the-taxman and a horde of trained attack raccoons. She clears her throat pointedly. ]

By the way, did you know a group of raccoons is called a “nursery?”

[thebadlandszealot]

I'm sorry, TRAINED ATTACK RACOONS?!

I knew my phobia of the critters was justified, but that wasn't what I meant...

[meet-the-ranger]

Oh, that…?

[ Ranger chuckles, adjusting the neckerchief tied around her neck almost sheepishly. ]

Nothin’ to worry your pretty little head over!

I reckon as long as you stay on RED Soldier’s good side, those ‘coons won’t bother you. They’re a bit of an anomaly, ‘s far as I can gather. And I don’t think any of ‘em have rabies…

[thebadlandszealot]

...!

Oh, we've never actually formally met, have we?

My names Mihaly, I'm the red Zealot!

[meet-the-ranger]

It’s a pleasure to meet you!

I’m RED team’s Ranger. I was under the impression that the Administrator didn’t want us sharin’ our legal names, but it sure seems like no one pays an ear to her, and I’ve got yours now, so… mine’s Jude!