#RealizingThings2017

Wanted to focus on improving myself and achieving personal goals this year. Will try to blog everyday. #goals for summary

[katherinehenson]

Don’t give people so much power over you that their silence leaves you questioning your worth.

(via buttahlove)

[mefirst2017]

January 6

I went to the gym today! Everything felt pretty heavy. Haven't been eating my best. And I almost checked Ch****.... I need to contain myself, but I can't stop wondering if he's thinking about me or missing me. I feel like he still does. But again, still not ready. Had pizza today and hung out SUE! Stay focused and strong.

[mefirst2017]

January 4&5

Forgot to blog yesterday. Honestly not much happened so that's why it's easy to forget blogging. Still have moments where I'm angry, relaxed, indifferent... I guess it's all apart of moving on though. Zoolights was boring yesterday but I'm glad that's over. Need to get back on track with my diet lol. Right now I feel like I'm eating everything before the semester starts... pizza tomorrow though yum! I'm gonna workout before so that should be okay... I guess LOL. Low key excited for school to start. Need some distraction.

[mefirst2017]

January 3rd

I woke up today feeling horrible. The last two days I’ve been dreaming about him. Last night I had a dream where he was on a dating app. The dream me seems not too phased by this so I’m proud. But I woke up desperately wanting to check if he was on t*****,b*****, or c******. I wonder if he even thinks about me at all... Well think I’m pretty good at knowing his behaviour. He is probably distracting himself at all costs right now to avoid thinking about me. He does still love and miss me. But right now, in his mind, he’s still not “ready” to be in a relationship and face me. I don’t really think he is on Tinder or anything. I feel he won’t face that until after Feb. So I don’t think he’s interested right now. Plus, I feel like if he tries something, he’l I know that I will have days like this. Today is 13 days NC. 

But anyways, I’m trying to distract myself by focusing on goals. I want to grow my booty! Yesterday my hip thrusts were at 90lbs!!!! I havent worked out properly in two weeks so this is great that I haven’t lost my strength. I want to improve my mobility and form. I feel sort of lop sided when I go up. So tomorrow (if I’m still not too sore lol), I’m gonna try squatting 125 so I can focus on form. 

I have to be strong about NC. I deleted his number and he is still blocked on Facebook so I won’t be tempted. I just to really not check his fricking C*****!!! I swear if I can’t block it then I’m so tempted. But I have to be strong. I was strong in not checking Andrew’s tumblr last time. So I know I can do this. I HAVE to remind myself: you WONT benefit by checking it.. his social media is BEST version of them, so of course it will hurt. 

Hey Julie, remember when he blocked you on Facebook and forgot to unblock you? He didn’t care at all to check. He wasn’t checking on you like you were him. Why waste your time on a fucking douche like that? Remember all the shitty things he did to you? Remember how fucking childish he is? How cowardly?

Don’t destroy your progress over this loser that doesn’t deserve you. Don’t check C. Don’t contact him. Don’t reply to breadcrumbs unless it’s “I realize how fucking terrible I treated you and I am a horrible person.” 

The one thing keeping me strong is the fact he’s probably suffering over how much I probably hate him, and that’s why he’s probably scared to talk to me :) 

[mefirst2017]

If I think of you... it's mainly sexual. I don't think of you romantically. I don't imagine myself being with you anymore... I'm just frustrated I guess

[mefirst2017]

January 2nd

Had a pretty good day today :) I woke up today dreaming about receiving breadcrumbs from him. But in my dream, I rejected him. Proud of myself❤️ I woke up to go to the gym and I squatted! Feels so good to squat again. Afterwards I went home and relaxed. I'm pretty anxious that school is coming up. I'll get to meet new people and go back to routine though. But for now, relaxing time!

[lonleymoonchild]

Can’t believe I stayed faithful to somebody so ungrateful.

selfish//big sean ft. jhene aiko (via lonleymoonchild)

[theorydictatespractice-deactiva]

Stop wasting your time with individuals who aren’t really all about you. Stop trying to force connections that aren’t all there, or telling yourself that maybe the reason love isn’t happening for you is because your expectations are too high. It’s not unrealistic to desire a partner that is attentive to your needs and wants, and who puts in the effort to not only get to know you, but keep you happy and feeling secure. Don’t compromise the things you value in a relationship for people who keep missing the mark. Your time could be much better spent. Some day someone is going to walk into your life and make you realize just why you should never settle, and they will be so bold and clear with their love that you’ll never have to think twice.

[deeplifequotes]

Pay attention to the signs. Stop making excuses for people. Stop defending their inconsiderate ways. Start taking care of you and your own needs.

Reyna Biddy (via kushandwizdom)

[amsuggestion]

biggest lesson learnt this year is probably to not give so much of yourself to people who will not do the same for you

[thoseconstellations-deactivated]

I don’t want you to be sorry. I don’t want some long-winded apology, you begging on your knees for my forgiveness. I don’t want flowers or cards or remorse in your eyes. I want you to feel the way I felt. I want your chest to crack and your skin to burn and your hands to shake and your teeth to rot. I want you seeing red and losing sleep and crying in the daytime. I want your heart to clench when you hear my name. I want your knees to weaken when our song plays on the radio. I want your eyes to sear when you see our old photographs. Just like mine did. I don’t want sorry. Sorry isn’t what I felt. I want hell.

Sorry (via thoseconstellations)

[britaughtu-deactivated20170504]

Don’t fuck with people that make you question your worth. Just don’t.

[its-beckys-blog]

[wolftyla]

💯

[414lilj-deactivated20170902]

How does one let go of someone like her ^ ya’ll niggas getting more dumb by the year.

[qtp89]

I had to forgive a person who wasn't even sorry....

That’s real strength

[artsymuhfuqqa-deactivated201805]

I know this may sound odd but one of the best feelings in the world is when u finally fall out of love with someone who hurts u. When u can think of them and feel nothing. It’s like waking up from the darkest nightmare, and realizing u can survive anything.

[places-to-be-people-to-see]

he is a fool. he will look for you in every girl and never be able to find you again.

two months later… (via places-to-be-people-to-see)

[ermelina]

Note to self: "I love you" doesn't mean "I won't ever leave you".