i know fight club is a ""cautionary tale"" and shit but i can't help but understand hitting bottom.
i'm destroying my own life because it's the only way i'll really grow and evolve as a person.
i accept that i will never be a good, functional person. i can only grow and change without the presence of people to encourage me to be myself.
i have what i need ("this all" & dona), so i'll get rid of everything else i don't need. the fact nobody has cared enough to chase after me only proves my "overthinking" right anyways.
when i'm at my worst i ignore everyone, so really, if there's nobody to ignore it'll just prevent me from snapping out of it, getting better, and losing all the progress i make in ultimately becoming a better version of myself in order to go back to my cushiony coddling friendships that in reality don't have MUCH substance to them.
i've already done it for my irls outside of school, none of them have asked, so it's whatever. i feel so much better without them. and i'll feel even better without my school irls.
it's pathetic chasing after people like a dog. so i accept living in solitude for the rest of my life. it doesn't matter what happens when school starts. i won't go bsck to them. i already blocked all of their numbers so there's no point. i'll tell them to fuck off i'll fucking fight them if i have to. it's not a week-long tantrum this is what needed to happen freshman year back when i first met them. to avoid me becoming such revolting company. it's always so good when i don't have irls
i don't want people to miss me when i finally get the courage to go through with it, i want them to feel relief that i'm finally gone.
i'll make myself wear the skin of what i was supposed to be by now. it needs to happen i keep telling myself its what needs to happen its just how my life is supposed to play out. fucking hell im just bored or something i dont even know
everything ive neen througj isn't bad enough so i have to make it worse myself because i hate feeling psthetic and dramatic itd just too much for my eggshell fragile ass ego
ffucking hell i should judt kill myself instead of doing all thid judt to do it at the end anywaysfuck fuck i odnt care fuck i dont give a shit
therapt doesnt do shit the solution is making myself hallucinate and making it hurt and making it all a million times worse because it's the only thing that will help in the long run
the best time of my life was after having nearly no irls, getting caught for the first time, having next to no internet for monthd ss a result, forcimg myself to be more feminine. this is the answer to all my misery and i'm stupid for letting myself grow disgusting and mushy and fat
prguitarman
vaporwave
yousharknotpass
origamiaround
theartofmadeline
areudirty
gummygunk
