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@megpegred31
Lost
We have been together almost a year. The last talk we had brought me to tears. I feel that I'm loosing you. You no longer smile, you no longer laugh. You no longer place your hand in mine. It's breaking me in half. They say if you love some one set them free, but what if you really do leave. I feel the whole time you have been compromising for me, but in reality maybe you just need to be free.
Depression
Deterioration from the inside. Lost in an emotional state of mind. Periods of having ups and downs. Reoccurring thoughts are all around. Loss of energy starts to build. Stress begins to fill the emptiness that's left. Symptoms over take the mind, call it Identity theft. Insecurities remind you you're not worth it. You're fat, ugly, she will never love you! Move on you don't deserve it! Now the question is are you going to listen, are you going to let it win? Depression takes over the real you! Kick it out and let happiness in!
No matter
No matter how painful it gets, I know what my heart wants. I don't care how many guys you've been with, my heart still wants you. I've never felt this pain so hard, all I know that it will do anything for you.
Availability
You only want me when it is only convenient for you. Why do I keep making myself available to a women who keeps breaking my heart into two? But I do this to myself many people would say "You knew this all along, you knew she wasn't gay."So stop your crying and complaining, and just let her go." If only it were that simple to tell my heart "no." It doesn't matter how many times you tell me, because at the end of the day she's still the one calling me. It's three in the morning she's crying. She tells me "I can't take it." I ask her where's her boyfriend. She says "he can't make it." That's exactly the problem. He can never make the time when you need him or when you are crying. This is unbelievable. He loves you, but yet he's unavailable. He doesn't do what I do for you. That's because in the end I'm the one that truly loves you. You say "I'll never love another women." So do you just take what you can from a women? "We just can never be" because of you, your man, and your whole family. If I'm such poison why do you keep me around? It's because I'm available. I'm always around. I'm just a benefit just like the ones before. My time is precious, you don't deserve it anymore. This is it I'm done. In the end you will be happy. At least you won't have to worry about the girl who just wanted to love you and treat you fairly. Then again maybe everyone else is right. Maybe I'm in the wrong. I'm signing this as availability I promise I'll be forever gone.
Died Trying
I've died trying. I can no longer take the pain I'm crying. You say this guy treats you well it's true. He is a good guy, he is not the fool. I'm the one being foolish, following my heart. The thing is you told me from the start. That is could never be, it's like my heart is splitting into three. Not two. You say that he's the only one for you. Then why do you call me after you have a fight? Why do you text me when something isn't right? Why do you need me in the middle of the night? I'm nothing but a waist of time, I don't understand what you get out of me. I've simply died trying, my mind says let it be. Put yourself to rest, and simply be free.
Bestfriends or Close Enemies
I've been doing a lot of thinking and yet I have no solution. No matter what I am wrong. I'm stuck with confusion. I'm a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy, but in the end it's still you treating me crappy. So why do I still stick around? Maybe I think one day you will come around. You say that I need to act like an adult. Please, we all have faults. Matter of fact last time I checked, I bought my own car, pay my own bills, and pay my own rent. If that's not an adult I don't know what one is. So tell me which one of us is acting like kids? You tell me just to deal, but that makes me think you don't care how I feel. I shouldn't have to play this game. Guessing if you even have any shame. You should be ashamed by the way you have been treating me. I've stuck with you for years, but yet you betray me. It's to bad you take him over me. See this is what I'm talking about. This is the type of shit I will no longer allow. If you want to know the true reason behind this, just listen and open your eyelids. I have the right to be angry. Especially since I consider you apart of my family. I love you with all of my heart, even though I feel that we are drifting apart. This doesn't mean I've stopped caring, but I can no longer deal with the drama and the blaming. Either way I plan to continue on, with or with out you my friend I will no longer be wronged.
I will always be here <3
I don't like what he did. I don't like what he said. You ask me why I'm upset all the time. I keep getting images in my head. Imagining your pain, you fighting back. In reality his love for you was whack. I wish I could take your pain away, if only we could go back in time. I would protect you, take your life and give you mine. Just so you could be happy and would never have to fear. This pain you go through everyday It would all disappear. This doesn't mean I'm jealous, or trying to make you mine. I know you are happy now with a good guy. I'm sure he too would take it all alway if he could. I hope he protects you and holds you like he should. Once again I'm not jealous, I know I have you for life. You are now my best friend, my rock, my drive. I will always love you to the moon and back. I thank god every day that we meet. You will never have to shed another tear. I promise no matter what happens I will always be here.
Monster
I’m not as strong as you think. In all honesty I think I’m weak. I’m a push over, an emotional wreck, I think to much in the past. Spend to much on love that I knew wouldn’t last. I continue to waste tears, and drown in fear. I drink until I can’t feel, I try to get a high instead of dealing with what is real. You tell me no, my heart hears yes. Mind is so fucked up, I’m a mess. I think I may need a doctor, but I don’t think he can even fix the monster I’ve become.
My Life
They say life is a journey. I've been to hell and back. If you don't believe me just listen to this rap. It all started back when I was born, my abusive father is part of the reason why I'm torn. I was never daddy's little girl, just a punching bag. My mother tried to save me by pushing him away. Even though daddy was gone the pain remained the same. Daddy why did you do this? Do you even feel ashamed? My struggles continued in the 6th grade when I started gaining weight and developing more pain. I was bullied and beat to the ground. I was used to the abuse, just like when my dad was around. I only got heavier over the years. People continued to bully me as I kept shedding tears. I've tried to take my life many times before, I didn't want to remain on this earth anymore. At 19 years old I discovered something new. I found out I was gay and trapped in the closet too. I was never excepted, discriminated to be exact. My pain continued to grow and that's a true fact. At the age of 20, I decided to take a stand. Changed the direction of the path and took matter into my own hands. I started working out, lost 80 pounds to be exact. Came out of the closet, I'm proud of my sexuality as a matter of fact. I'm 22 now as of today, I'm no longer sad, I'm no longer ashamed. I'm healthy, I'm happy, I fought a lot of pain in the end. The journey has only begun my friend. Don't confuse this story being about a scared little girl, that girl is now a women and she can take on the world.
To Late...
I'm to late to be your girl. To late to be your prime. Baby girl you have no idea how long you have been on my mind. Now I'm sitting here thinking about those days we used to hang and how nervous I was to say what I truly felt inside. Two years now gone. I'm just sitting here wishing I would die. My heart aches for you like my favorite tune. Sadly my heart only beats for you. You will never hear me say these words "I love you." Tears rushing down my face it's true, but in the end I was only second best. The second best friend, the second best love. Your second best of all the above. This didn't start in the beginning everything was fine in fact you couldn't keep me off your mind, but now all of that has changed. At least now I see the truth. I still have my crew. All I need is my homies by my side and my sick rhymes. Even Chris Brown once said "These hoes ant loyal". I'm out yo. In the end this was a mistake. I'm just a little to late.
Good bye my love </3
Good bye my love. You are leaving today it's shocking how two years have gone and past away. You told me all your goals, your dreams. I have told you mine. Baby girl you told me that we would be close forever. I told you that I would never leave. For the past few months we have become so distantly. It's been slowly killing me and my heart. I miss you. I feel like I don't know who you are. You have become a stranger in my heart. However, my feelings haven't gone away. It's true you are leaving today. I'm afraid that you will totally forget. Forget me and all we have. I'm no longer your priority. It's true you have someone else that will love you and miss you dearly, but their feelings will never compare to mine. Because mine were never heard baby girl. I hope one day you will see me like you see your girl, but for now I remain on the side lines. I wish I could give you the proper goodbye, but once again our distance ruins that. The truth is I love you and I will fight for you just like how you will fight for our country, our city, our family, and our friends. You are my fighting soldier and I'm your number one fan. So for now it's good bye until the day we say hello again. Only time will truly tell if we belong together. Good bye my fighting soldier I'll be waiting forever.
You get what you gave
Baby girl I saw your status yesterday. You said you got played, but now I'm laughing because now you know my own pain. Baby girl please understand I can not be the women of your dreams. You keep pushing me away. It's not that I want you too, but apparently I'm not good enough. I'm not living up to your standards. Now every time I see you all I see is pain so baby girl I need to go my own way.
What I Need To Focus On...
What I need to focus on right now is my family, friends, job, education, and future career. I shouldn’t be worrying about people that don’t really care about me. That doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy. We go through life trying to find love and acceptance, but what we fail to realize is that love can only get us so much in life. I’m tired of being broken hearted, I’m tired of being in the friend zone. I’m tired of being used. All I know is that the love I want isn’t what I see. So I must focus and move on, because you are not the one for me.
Sometimes...
Sometimes I feel that you don’t need me anymore. That I was just your emotional support through all your shit. I sometimes wonder if you ever really liked me or even cared. All I can say is “I’m tired”. I’m tired of crying all these tears. I’m tired of feeling like a fool for opening up to you, and lastly I’m tired of fighting for you when in the end it’s just going to be me at second best. You have hurt me enough. I’m done.
Missing You
I don’t know why but I’m missing you. You’re not even mine, but yet I’m missing you. I miss your laugh, your smile, your voice. I know that you’re doing okay it just frustrates me not being able to communicate anymore. You’re in my dreams, my thoughts, I can’t seem to forget you. But do I really want to forget? Knowing that you used to talk about me, about us being together makes me not want to give up. I’m still in love with you.
You are an angel and don’t even know it. You have saved me from myself. You have given me that second chance that I might be able to love again. Yet you have broken me just like the rest. Being with all the others doesn’t make sense. You keep tearing my heart into pieces. You should be mine, but yet am I the one you really want? You confuse me, you break me, you anger me.
Some how I still end up missing you. Is this love or did I just let myself become a punching bag of my own feelings? All I know is that you aren’t coming around, it’s like you have disappeared. You are gone from my existence. My love for you is on a lose end, which I never wanted it to be. I know now that I have to move on. I deserve better than what you are giving me.
This doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. This means that I can’t hold on any longer for the better of my being. I hope whoever you are with will always care for you like I did, but this time don’t end up leaving them in the mist.
I Gave My Love To You
Remember all the nice sunny days. Running in the backyard and riding bikes. Just me and you, but that’s all different now we’re all grown up. Separated. I gave my love to you. Through my little hands and kid like heart. I gave my love to you. Through all the times we have been through, I love you.
Once I left I knew I wouldn’t see you anymore. So I left my love for you right at the door. Now I miss you so my love. My best friend. I don’t know why this has happened, but I gave my love to you. Through my little hands and kid like heart. I gave my love to you. Through all my memories. I love you.
My faith is telling me that you are the one I’ve been waiting for. The one that I left, but really adored. Should I call you and tell you that I gave my love to you. Through my little hands and kid like heart. I gave my love to you. Through all that I have been through. I love you.
Oh please give me a chance. My love. My heart. I’ll love you forever.
My First Rap
I’m heading of to class to gain some info. Unlike you you’re just a mofoe. Making nothing of yourself for me that’s a no no. I’m gonna be on the top floor of the tallest tower. Making tons of bills by the hour. Got my sexy girlfriend she smells like flowers. So don’t even bother trying to top me, because my homies and I will bring you down see. My two fists of mine will end up in your face, be crying. Shut up bitch you think I’m lying? Here it goes again, hell no girl we can’t be friends. I told you this before now here’s the end I’m never gonna warn you again.