The Lost Repository

The musings of a media addled fool who occasionally writes yuri fiction. Now MMO free!

[meikaihermit]

Ten years is a long time.

I have returned from the depths. Is anyone out there? My old art friends? Touhou lilies? Cats?

[meikaihermit]

After I decided to ‘take a break’ I spent about a week or two just unwinding from the slow buildup of things around here. And as I did this I began to think about where I really stood in this place. I mean yeah, there are people who talk to me and even one or two who actually give (or act like they do) a shit about my issues and problems.

So I thought ‘well okay I do have some friends you know, some people to talk to.’ But then as the days passed and then weeks (and in some cases months now) it became clear to me that most people have too much of their own shit to worry about. And that maybe I’m approaching this wrong. Maybe I’m expecting the wrong things and perhaps even have the wrong perceptions about things.

While all of this was going on I delved into KC more and as I spent more time among these guys eventually someone invited me into a small group. And then I remembered what it was like to have shared interests again. There weren’t any world problems or sociopolitical quagmires just a bunch of guys who love ships. For the first time in I don’t remember how long I felt welcome somewhere.  I didn’t feel as if I were betraying a cause because I was a guy. Or trying to hold myself up to ideal standards just to fit in and then ending up in a cycle of self-loathing paranoia.

I’m not going to fight wars that aren’t mine to fight. I’m not going to try to fit into a social group that by and large either doesn’t believe I exist or sees me as a threat. I’m not going to argue or discuss things over and over again and end up feeling like shit because I’m the one person in the world who isn’t like that. I’m not going to sit there and feel guilty every time someone reblogs a post about some assholes who don’t know how to treat women right or when I might not be so extreme in view. Not anymore.

In the end it boils down to this. I can’t stay here for any length of time. With the current sociopolitical climate and tumblr in general it’s just too hostile. Being here just ends up making me feel uncomfortable. And that is contagious because the more I feel something the more it projects onto others who also feel uncomfortable because of what I’m saying, doing or acting. I tried so hard to fit in and make friends that I started to hate myself for having different attributes.

And so I return, if only to say goodbye.

To that end if someone wishes to contact me, they can do so via email, skype or over dA. I check dA and my email every day and also have Skype on most of the time. I’m not giving up writing, writing yuri or Touhou so if you know where to look you’ll see me put something up from time to time. If you don’t want to contact me, that’s okay too.

It’s time I figure out who are really friends and who are just acquaintances. I’ll be disabling Tumblr’s notifications so don’t bother sending me messages here because I won’t see them.

I’m also not going to bother to tag this to get people’s attention. If people see it, they see it. If they don’t until later well then I’ve left the means to contact me. In the end I wish everyone who will hear it good will and hope. I can’t follow you anymore. I hope you’ll understand.

[meikaihermit]

He who fights monsters...

Stop. Just stop already. Trump is going to be president accept it. You don’t have to like him. He’s not a king so you don’t have to swear your life to him. He’s not a dictator (yet) so you don’t have to goosestep and hail him.

I just find it ironic that people who for so long have preached love, equality and peace have now turned into the hate mongering people that they’ve fought for so long. I understand that you are scared. I understand that you are angry. But your just making things worse.

Straight society already sees you as something that they have been made to accept with laws. A great many of them resent you big time. That resentment has come to a head. To them it doesn’t matter who has to be thrown under the bus so long as something gets done. I admit that this current state is the fault of the American people. They wouldn’t have had to elect Trump if they hadn’t voted in the messes to begin with.

But now is not the time for revolution! Don’t make things worse. Don’t give into the fear and the hate! Wait! Wait to see what happens. We have to work together and that’s the thing that everyone seems to have forgotten.

Because right now it’s getting really hard to tell the difference between hate groups and how some people are espousing hatred of everyone who didn’t vote for Hillary. A lot of people are turning into monsters and the abyss is staring back. And it’s not pretty.

[meikaihermit]

=

When you begin to consider this line of thinking. It all begins to make sense.

Go beyond the impossible and kick reason to the curb! That’s how America rolls!

And now I will spend the next four years with this joke. I think it’s rather clever.

[meikaihermit]

I’m probably going to leave tumblr for a while. It seems that pretty much everyone is doing their own thing nowadays. And I need to get away from a backlash that I feel responsible for. (Even though I did the right thing). There’s nothing more I can do for anyone. Depression isn’t helping either.

[meikaihermit]

It’s a done deal. And pretty much all the people who held to the maxim ‘I don’t like either so I’ll vote third party.’ While probably right in your mind your ignorance will not be bliss. Because a very big, angry and scared LGBT fireball is about to rain down on your heads with the force of a thousand asteroids and will incinerate you will the heat of a hundred thousands suns.

I will not show a single ounce of mercy or understanding towards your ignorance. Because now I have friends who I’ll have to try to convince them that the rights that they have bleed, sweat and cried for since before they were even born will not be taken from them.  

If somehow a miracle does happen. Then I will remove this. But I will not apologize.

@photokrow42 @ice-fairy-chiruno @slackergami @takebacktheyuri @medikiii @yuriandtea

[meikaihermit]

So at least I did my part. If the orange muppet manages to claw his way into office it won’t be because of me.

[meikaihermit]

Parasite

You know everyone does deserve a helping hand. But when you would rather blame others for not giving you attention. And deliberately stir things up with a group of people who want nothing to do with you. You don’t want help. You want attention.

There are hospital wards everywhere. There are mental health support systems everywhere. And all of them will treat someone who is suicidal or homicidal on site without requiring insurance.

There are crisis help lines with people who have been trained to handle just about everything. Hell, walk up to a cop and say your thinking about harming others and they’ll even drive you to the hospital. Pretty much all professionals who work with the public have training for this sort of thing.

This all hinges, however, on truly wanting help. If you don’t want help no medicine will not be able to cure you.

When you post over and over again ‘KILL ME’ and post pictures of walls you’ve destroyed with your fists. And then whine about how there’s help for a 16 year old homosexual person but not one for you. You aren’t trying to help yourself. Your trying to siphon whatever pity you can get off of anyone. And then when people react negatively you feed on it because violence is your language.

I’m by no means perfect. And I’ve hurt or scared my own share of people. But I do what I am supposed to do to improve my quality of life. I take medicine, go to therapy and honestly answer the doctor’s questions. I don’t usually have meltdowns online. And the one I did have I regret immensely.

At one time I did try to help because I saw myself in him. And I did think he could be helped. But here we are and more then six months has passed and he’s just gotten worse. And this is the last I will ever speak of him.

[meikaihermit]

Sacredness is a lie, there is only thirty-four

I remember when I first was inducted into the concept of anime and fandoms in earnest. Back then there were things that people just didn’t do. I think that the concept of what is ‘sacred’ is a transition to the eventual realization that noting is sacred. If it has a following, regardless of how it’s presented by the creator. Then there will be smut. Nothing is spared from this. From the humanization (and sometimes not) of ponies to neophyte witches there is always someone, somewhere or at the payment of someone else who is making smut.

This is as sure as eating or drinking. It’s an addiction that has existed since the beginning of time. Technology has only caught up. Some would stand and point fingers but there is deviance in all of us. And mankind has an interest in sex.

And I’ve lost my thought train.

[qmisato]

“rei ayanami was supposed to be creepy as a middle finger to fanboys!!”

this is an old western-bro fandom myth fabricated during the early days of 4chan/evageeks. anno, hayashibara, and co. have never said anything remotely suggesting the sort (rather, anno’s described rei as the ‘most inexpressible’ part of him; hayashibara remarking similar) - this also evades everything rei is to justify never considering her beyond the surface level (if rei was supposed to be ‘creepy’, what else is there?)

rei is existential - rei is isolation, rei’s entire narrative gestures heavily at what it means to be a body (”the body as an identity involves resources”) - what it means to be defined by your trauma, physically and psychologically. people don’t relate to rei because she’s “creepy” (she’s not), people relate to rei because she’s othered, ostracized, abused, socially inept. rei was forced into a life of constant-dissociation by an abusive man, a life in which she is a stranger to herself, and pretentious nerds still have the gall to call her ‘creepy’ as if they’re saying something subversive

there’s nothing enlightened about calling an abused 14 year old girl “creepy”, nothing about rei is “creepy”, it’s sad and harrowing and existentially-laden

[meikaihermit]

That one’s been going around for the last 10-15 years actually. And it circled ever since people tried to turn the tea leaves on NGE. Even more so when Anno said from the get that people were to take meanings where they found them within themselves. But I digress.

The funny thing is that it seems only western fans have been dissatisfied with Rei. But then the Red vs Blue conflict is still very much alive. In Japan she’s actually tops with fans. Rei’s beaten out Asuka for the top of popular contests for many years. Her character type has been cloned many times and applied to many other characters in the last two decades. Anything with Rei on it will sell out in hours. For both good (and for ill) Rei is a very popular character.

Rei is one of several characters in anime that western fans have shat on because they don’t understand her. Even more so after the events of EoE. (Though I remember back in the day it was a toss up between Shinji and Rei on who was hated more. But then anyone who’s watching Eva should realize that it’s a venture into the most horrifying, disgusting and ugly places in the human psyche. Every single member of the cast is twisted like a car around a tree.)

I digress. I’m going to stop now.

[meikaihermit]

bleh

[memefo]

-Annnnd a BELATED Feliz Día de Muertos as well!!!

[rad-hell-babe]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

i did the thing

might post other stuff later, doing this was complicated enough and I have to go over that stuff and make sure I’m still ok with posting them

[meikaihermit]

So here’s the shake. The whole RT thing is now a dead issue. I’ve expressed my opinion and it’s done. Any further reblogs will have their tumblrs blocked on sight. I’m not going to spend days arguing with people over something stupid as having to register. I was irritated at first. I’m over it now. Lesson learned. I won’t tag vents anymore relevant to their fandoms. People can’t comment on what they cannot see.

[meikaihermit]

For the record. Anyone decided to go hog wild with this reblog crap will be blocked. I don’t ‘need’ this fandom.

[meikaihermit]

Wow I don’t even think touhou fans move this fast. Less then ten minutes. Two replies, two notes and it sounds like one IM.

It seems that the point has been missed. I’m not complaining because I’m unaware of the fact that RT has cloned the crunchyroll model. I’m complaining because I shouldn’t have to pay or register to watch a series that up until recently and for the first three seasons it ran was completely free and without conditions.

You mean to tell me they’re not making a mint off of the merchandise and both foreign and domestic licensing to keep it registration free on their own site?

And anyone who read though my whole post will note that I say I don’t care about waiting. I just thought that I’d be able to watch it from the main site. I wasn’t and I bitched. Like I said, if I had the $5.00 to spend in the first place I wouldn’t give it to RT who up until the last six months or so didn’t require registering.

They’re reaching a little too deep into pockets for my liking.

[viktormayrin]

Actually, Sponsors/FIRST members have always gotten RWBY ahead of time before the general populace, though I think Volume 1 may have been the exception to that.

The base facts are that things cost money to make. You can cry that RT is “making a mint” off of everything they do, but odds are that’s not very true. Every single employee has to be paid. And with big-time voice actors in RWBY, that can potentially be much more than what they;re regular employees make.

They have to pay to keep the power on at their facility. They have to pay for their access to the internet. They have to pay to make the products they produce. They have to pay to store those products. And then they have to pay to put those products into boxes. 

If you have an issue with paying $19.99 for six months (most places would charge you each and every month), that’s up to you. You can complain and throw a tantrum, but all it does it make you look like a spoiled, entitled brat.

[psalmsinthedark]

and if you get a free account on the site you only have to wait a day for it to become free.

The entitlement is too real in this fandom smh

I mean how dare they want financial compensation for all their hard work, amirite?

[meikaihermit]

https://tmblr.co/Zq5O8n2E1Btar

Y’all wanna keep feeding a hydra go for it. I outright refuse to pay extra benefits to a corporation who is clearly making more money then any of us will ever see.

Changing methods mid race is underhanded that’s what sits at the core of this. Rooster Teeth is owned by a company called Fullscreen which it’s self is fed by another called Otter Media. Otter Media also owns Crunchyroll which means if you have subs for both you’re paying twice. Otter Media itself is owned by AT&T and another company I can’t remember at the moment.

So no I am not throwing a ‘tantrum’ or ‘acting like a spoiled brat’. And they are ‘getting financial compensation’. And yes if a series started free and without conditions I do deserve to see it though in the same matter. In the post linked I talk about the reasons for which I would see it as fine. None of which are met here.

This company is far from broke and doesn’t need to start setting the conditions to eventually completely carve out free watching whilst squeezing even more money out of people when they are already charging license fees to other outlets (under the same umbrella as them).

[psalmsinthedark]

You don’t deserve anything. Stop acting entitled. Entertainment is a luxury, not a right.

plus this system has been in place for a good while. It ain’t new. If you started watching at volume 4 it might seem like the episodes were free but when they came out they weren’t

The subscription is as low as 5 dollars a month and if you get a free account you only have to wait a day for episodes to become free. Wait a week and it’s free on youtube.

If they work to make a product for people to enjoy they deserve to be compensated financially. That’s it. No one cares that you don’t want to wait or pay for a product.

Plus if they get more money they can start expanding their animation team even more as well as other departments.

If you don’t like it, stop watching and cancel whatever subscriptions you have.

[meikaihermit]

The ‘registering to watch’ has not been in place since before this all started. I could care less if I have to wait a week for eps. Further, the core issue isn’t about paying or not paying. It’s about the fact of changing policy three seasons in. If it had started out with having to register to watch I would not be complaining. I also think it’s unnecessary at this juncture to start paying more when it’s clear they are turning an even bigger profit.

It’s not about entitlement, it’s about principal. And I refuse to descend further into sociopolitical madness with anyone. I’ve made my point which is my right. Despite how unpopular it might be.

[meikaihermit]

Wow I don’t even think touhou fans move this fast. Less then ten minutes. Two replies, two notes and it sounds like one IM.

It seems that the point has been missed. I’m not complaining because I’m unaware of the fact that RT has cloned the crunchyroll model. I’m complaining because I shouldn’t have to pay or register to watch a series that up until recently and for the first three seasons it ran was completely free and without conditions.

You mean to tell me they’re not making a mint off of the merchandise and both foreign and domestic licensing to keep it registration free on their own site?

And anyone who read though my whole post will note that I say I don’t care about waiting. I just thought that I’d be able to watch it from the main site. I wasn’t and I bitched. Like I said, if I had the $5.00 to spend in the first place I wouldn’t give it to RT who up until the last six months or so didn’t require registering.

They’re reaching a little too deep into pockets for my liking.

[viktormayrin]

Actually, Sponsors/FIRST members have always gotten RWBY ahead of time before the general populace, though I think Volume 1 may have been the exception to that.

The base facts are that things cost money to make. You can cry that RT is “making a mint” off of everything they do, but odds are that’s not very true. Every single employee has to be paid. And with big-time voice actors in RWBY, that can potentially be much more than what they;re regular employees make.

They have to pay to keep the power on at their facility. They have to pay for their access to the internet. They have to pay to make the products they produce. They have to pay to store those products. And then they have to pay to put those products into boxes. 

If you have an issue with paying $19.99 for six months (most places would charge you each and every month), that’s up to you. You can complain and throw a tantrum, but all it does it make you look like a spoiled, entitled brat.

[psalmsinthedark]

and if you get a free account on the site you only have to wait a day for it to become free.

The entitlement is too real in this fandom smh

I mean how dare they want financial compensation for all their hard work, amirite?

[meikaihermit]

https://tmblr.co/Zq5O8n2E1Btar

Y’all wanna keep feeding a hydra go for it. I outright refuse to pay extra benefits to a corporation who is clearly making more money then any of us will ever see.

Changing methods mid race is underhanded that’s what sits at the core of this. Rooster Teeth is owned by a company called Fullscreen which it’s self is fed by another called Otter Media. Otter Media also owns Crunchyroll which means if you have subs for both you’re paying twice. Otter Media itself is owned by AT&T and another company I can’t remember at the moment.

So no I am not throwing a ‘tantrum’ or ‘acting like a spoiled brat’. And they are ‘getting financial compensation’. And yes if a series started free and without conditions I do deserve to see it though in the same matter. In the post linked I talk about the reasons for which I would see it as fine. None of which are met here.

This company is far from broke and doesn’t need to start setting the conditions to eventually completely carve out free watching whilst squeezing even more money out of people when they are already charging license fees to other outlets (under the same umbrella as them).