I saw you reblogged a post about wanting to know why Riley was so sheltered growing up and that's something I've wondered about also! I was just wondering if you have any of your amazing head cannons about her growing up and what happened to create the Riley committee?
Iâm in kinda a weird mood so are you ready for mild angst?? Because thatâs what youâre gonna receive. Lessgo.
OKAY SO Cory, Topanga, Shawn, and Eric all moved to New York City in May of 2000. That we know is canon (because I legitimately remember this show airing itâs finale episode in May okay I just canât recall the exact date lol)
So they were there for aroundâŚ10 months before Topanga got pregnant, thatâs math and therefore also canon.
Hereâs the thing though: New York City is really fucking expensive. They were moving there for Topangaâs unpaid internship. Her, Cory, and Shawn all still had to finish their last two years of college, and than Topy had law school. Eric was graduated but he had no idea of what he wanted to do with his life. None of them had jobs set up and waiting for them in the city, they all moved on a complete impulse.
Basically we can assume they were all poor as SHIT, okay.
So, Topanga was planning on making Shawn come with them behind Coryâs back, as we know. So letâs assume she managed to find a two bedroom apartment that they maybe could afford if they budget really hard. But even then, she wouldnât have been expecting Eric to come with them.
So they get to this already pricy apartment but now they gotta call the landlord to get Ericâs name on the lease, which pushes the rent up even more. And they canât fit two beds in either room- hell, they canât even FIND a third mattress they can afford, but Shawn managed to find a beat up pull-out-bed-couch for next to nothing so Eric settleâs for sleeping on that in the living room.
Topanga is super busy with school and her internship, and she takes up a job in a mall or something. Coryâs overwhelmed with classes because heâs still trying to decide what he wants his major to be, and he still has his telemarketing job, which he is getting better at. Shawnâs grades are not doing as well as they were in Penbrook, which is stressing him out, so he throws himself into writing dumb little articles that sometimes the newspaper runs if he sends them in enough. He also manages to find some work in a auto garage, because his Uncle Mike put in a good word for him. Eric manages to get a bus-boy job at some restaurant.
I need you to be able to envision how shitty this apartment is, okay: Two tiny ass bedrooms, barely any closet space, one bathroom with pipes that Cory and Shawn have to tag-team to fix ALL THE TIME, wallpaper peeling off in some places, itâs New York so letâs be real, it probably had an infestation of something or another. No working A.C. unit, just two ceiling fans that shake violently to the point where Topanga would rather have a heat stroke. Itâs always vaguely dark for some reason, they can hear the upstairs neighbors fighting all the time, the carpeting is ripping up in a few places but they canât do anything to fix it yet, really, because theyâre all always so busy and broke. They canât afford a tv yet, either, so theyâre all saving up collectively so they can get one at a Black Friday sale. All four of their jobs together is just enough to make the rent, and most of the time they just eat whatever leftovers Eric brings home from work.
But theyâre 4 friends in their early 20â˛s who are trying to make something of their lives, and sure itâs a shitty place but they just tell themselves this is a âbrand new adventureâ and they have fun when theyâve got downtime.
They survive the summer months and head into Fall and Winter- they WERE able to get that tv, which theyâre all thankful for because Shawn and Topanga really need to keep up with current events for both their classes and writing/internship work, and Eric misses mindless tv shows to keep him entertained (Cory did too, but he got more into reading over the months. So heâs less life-or-death about he tv lol)
They head back to Philly for all the Holidays, and try to sell it as if theyâre having the time of their lives, because they all know that if they complain Alan will launch into a responsibility lecture and none of them have the energy to deal with that
So they slowly but surely start getting more and more on their feet, you know? Theyâre still broke and everything, but itâs nothing they canât deal with.
But then itâs March, and Topanga finds out sheâs pregnant.
She doesnât tell anyone right away, and sheâs freaking the fuck out. Even though she has very strong personal morals/personal belief system, sheâs very seriously considering every option that involves her not having or raising this baby, because she just doesnât think she can deal with this, for crying out loud sheâs basically still a teenager, you cannot raise a baby properly if the law says you cant even drink yet! And everyoneâs always so busy and she isnât even sure theyâre gonna be able to make the electricity this month!
But after like three days of her freaking-out-internal-monologue, Shawn accidentally knocks over the trashcan in the bathroom and discovers the pregnancy test. He waits until Cory and Eric both leave for work and then more or less forces Topanga to talk to him
Which isnât exactly a normal Shawn move that Topanga would have expected, but she figures he probably knew where her thought process was going and he probably knew what that would do to Cory and he was also probably thinking about his birth mother he never managed to track down
So they spend hours talking this out and eventually Topanga decides she wouldnât be able to deal with it if she didnât keep this baby. Shawn supporting her 100% and she tells Cory when he gets home for dinner
Cory is PANICKED but also EXCITED AS FUCK but still super panicked, not even about money, just about the fact that they grew up in the suburbs of Philly, and thatâs infinitively safer than New York City, and heâs just thinking of everything that could potentially hurt this baby
Like he really fucking wants to be a dad and not less than 40 minutes after hearing the news, heâs calling around for more jobs and looking up wanted ads in the paper. But you know how neurotic Cory can be. Heâs in a constant state of worrying about ridiculous impossible things, and at the same time he feels like if he canât prevent/protect everything, heâs less of a man. Thatâs Cory on an every day basis. Tell him heâs going to be a father? Heâs become a walking mess.
Heâs still excited though, and Topanga goes out of his way to calm all of his irrational worries and stay sane. She never tells him she seriously considered not keeping the baby and she swears Shawn to secrecy.
So life goes on, only now itâs a little more hectic. Cory finally decided on an Education major, and now in addition with the telemarketing he has a job tutoring kids at a community center, and another one working at a bakery owned by some nice Ukrainian lady whoâs always very interested in hearing about his life and family. Topanga keeps her job at the mall, and also finds work in a bookstore. She still has her internship and is still fully focused on law school, sheâs not planning on becoming some âI had high dreams until I got pregnant too youngâ stereotype. Eric quits the bus boy job and gets another job as a security man, which he doesnât exactly want to do but it pays a little better and allows him to work only night-shifts, which means he can babysit for Cory and Topanga during the day while theyâve got school/their respective jobs, and that way they donât have to worry about paying for daycare. Eric is PUMPED to be an uncle holy shit. Shawn doesnât make many changes, because unbeknownst to everyone else, heâs thinking about moving out so there can actually be room for this baby.
Because, likeâŚthere is no room for this baby. And theyâre all refusing to acknowledge that fact.
They canât afford to buy much beside the absolute essentials, so they arenât exactly swimming in toys or anything. But Cory and Topanga have shoved a crib into their room, only that takes up so much space that now they canât close the door properly and have to squeeze past it to get in and out. A pile of boxes and baby supplies is just slowly growing in the living room- you know, play pens, diaper-changing station, clothes they manage to find at a Good Will. Bottles, breast pumps, a stroller, itâs all just in a ever-growing pile in the living room because there is NO WHERE to put it all.
But they all keep insisting everything is fine, everything will work out, theyâre the Matthews for crying out loud! Cory still finds something new to panic about every day, but they always calm him down. Of course heâll always be able to take care of his family! Whatâs the worse that could happen?
âŚItâs at this time Iâm forced to point out that they would have been living in New York City, and Topanga would have been about 6 months pregnant, when 9/11 happened.
So that, obviously, wouldnât have been good at all. Especially when they already had so much to worry and stress out about, and now they justâŚliterally donât know whatâs happening in the world anymore. That would have been completely terrifying for them. Now Topangaâs completely on board with all of Coryâs paranoid ways, and Eric doesnât think he can understand humanity anymore, and Shawn doesnât know how to feel about all this.
Amy and Alan and Jedidiah and Rhiannon, who were already concerned about them being pregnant so young and living so far away in the first place, are now constantly trying to convince them to move back to PA.
But, paranoid as Topy now is, the law firm specifically wanted her in New York. They were not willing to let her transfer to a PA office.Â
And even though Topanga had to wear a face mask to avoid all the smoke harming the baby once they were allowed back in the city, their apartment wasnât really effected at all, they lived just far away enough to avoid damage.
So, they stayed, because Topanga worked her damn ass off for this job and she wasnât about to quit. But she was still constantly on guard, you know? No one knew if anything else was gonna happen. The countryâs entering a damn war. Stress levels are incredibly high and thatâs not good for the baby at all. But she gives into the worrying, stops trying to tell Cory heâs being over dramatic. Sheâs worried too. So are Eric and Shawn.
The baby was positioned in the womb in a way that the sonogram couldnât show them what the sex was. So they agreed on âRileyâ since it was a cute, unisex name, and they bought a little brown stuffed teddy bear, because they couldnât afford any other toys and this one had a smile on itâs face and Riley was going to need smiles and it was the only thing they could find that wasnât either pink or blue
Theyâre reading parenting books in their spare time, Ericâs working almost non-stop until the baby comes to try and help save up a little more money. Shawn keeps focusing on the state of the world and how much he wants this baby to have a great life. Thatâs what the all want.
So then on December 6th, Topangaâs contractions get bad enough that sheâs admitted to the hospital, but Rileyâs apparently stubborn because our poor darling is in labor for two whole days.
Eric and Shawn sleep in the waiting room, Cory never leaves Topangaâs hospital bedside. Their families all show up but end up going to get motel rooms once itâs late and Josh starts fussing.
Shawn doesnât sleep at all the entire time, because heâs stressed and overthinking and Ericâs snoring right in his ear. But he lucks out, because when Cory runs out into the waiting room at 4:30 in the morning on December 8th, yelling âITâS A GIRL!â, that means Shawnâs the first one other than the parents who gets to hold her.
He tooooootally didnât cry.
And after about an hour of not-crying over his adorable new Goddaughter, he leaves, saying heâs gotta get to work. He hugs Cory and Topanga tight, kisses Rileyâs forehead, wakes up Eric in the waiting room with an affectionate shoulder-punch, and heads out.
They donât hear from him at all after that, their entire hospital stay. Everyoneâs concerned, but there havenât been any admissions to the hospital that fit his description, so theyâre left to assume heâs fine but busy. Maybe heâs just picking up extra hours at work? Maybe he lost his cell phone? No one puts that much thought into it, really. Topanga and Riley are kept in the hospital for two days after the birth, and everyone they know pops in and out, fawning over them, so theyâre all a little distracted.
They finally get released, go home, and Shawnâs gone.
He had moved all his stuff out of his room, and shoved the crib and all their baby supplies in there.
He left his mattress where the pile used to be, with a note attached telling them to sell it for extra money.
The room, instead of being bare, now had a couple of pink flowers painted over the peeling wallpaper to liven it up a little, and heâd stuck a few of those foamy-green glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.
He left a note saying heâd taken his name off the lease, which would cheapen the rent a little bit, and he had called Jack to find out what country he and Rachel were in, and bought a ticket to head over there. He said heâd keep in touch.
They donât hear from him for at least six months.
But they push through it all, because what else can they do? They canât exactly just hop on a plane and drag Shawn back home, yelling at him for being dramatic. He was a big boy, they were all broke, and they had a little newborn baby girl to worry about.
So they quickly fall into a habit, because Riley is luckily a pretty easy baby.
Topanga has fun bonding with her and sharing these early moments with Cory while theyâre allowed on Maternity/Paternity leave, but it doesnât last long for either of them because bills have to be paid and internships have to be kept.
So Topanga wakes up at 5 every morning, to prepare bottles and everything for the rest of the day. The baby can usually hear her walking around after thatâs done and starts getting fussy, so Topanga just calms her down in the rocking chair until Cory starts waking up around 6. He takes over, changing her/feeding her/what have you while Topanga gets dressed and heads out. Eric wakes up a little after 6:30 and takes over so Cory can get dressed and head out. Ericâs now in Full Nanny Mode for basically the rest of the day. He keeps her fed/changed/clean/alive, takes her on walks if the weatherâs permitting, pulls funny faces to get her to laugh, everything basically. Cory getâs home around 5:30, he starts making dinner while Eric takes a quick nap, Topanga gets home at 6:30, they all eat together. Eric heads out for his job, the hours usually end up being around 7:30pm-3:00am. Cory and Topanga spend some time with each other and Riley, and after they put her to bed for the night they usually just finish up any work/homework they have left to do. Riley usually wakes up crying around 12:30 and 2. Which, obviously, they hate waking up for, but learn to tag team it out. Eric gets home and passes out on the couch bed and tries to be extra-quiet so he doesnât wake anyone up. And the cycle repeats!
And this obviously isnât the best schedule. Topanga is so swamped she barely has any time to talk, Cory is not exactly the best cook in the world, and somehow Eric is the one getting the least amount of sleep when this isnât even his kid. But no one complains and they just keep going on with life.
Topangaâs hyper focused on everything, and Cory hates mindless repeating cycles. And theyâre still so broke, because apparently they underestimated just how expensive babies can be.
So Cory stops buying contact lenses and teaches himself first aid and how to sew on his downtime, and starts picking up more hours at the bakery. Mrs. Svorski offers to babysit if he and Topanga ever need a night alone, and even letâs Cory bring Riley in to work with him if Eric gets sick or something.
Topanga decides if they cut sugar out of their diet, the grocery bill will drop dramatically and maybe thatâd even help her loose the baby weight without wasting time on actual exercise. She hesitantly asks her boss if they could maybe start paying her at the law firm, as sheâs been doing considerably more than the other interns. Itâs the only time sheâs been âhesitantâ in her entire life, but they agree so now theyâve got a little more income.
Things go on, Riley keeps growing. She goes from smiling huge, toothless smiles, to babbling and laughing, to crawling, to walking, to talking. She seems to be outgrowing her clothes every other day, so theyâre always at the Goodwill trying to find more for her, and of course the 20 year oldâs with a baby are getting dirty looks, which drives Topanga up a wall. Sometimes she canât bring herself to deal with it, and ends up begging Amy and Alan for any hand-me-downs from Morgan.
Eric becomes way too familiar with catchy jingles on little kid shows, he considers it a form of torture. But if he turns it off, she starts crying, so then he has to grab her teddy bear and come up with some song and dance number for him to perform to keep her happy, so even then he still canât escape the catchy jingles. Ugh.
But he loves hearing her little laugh too much so heâs not actually going to complain.
When she first started walking, Cory took 2 full weeks to baby-proof literally every surface of the apartment. He was not taking any fucking chances omfg.
Ever since the priest dropped her in the middle of her Baptism, Cory has had the sneaking suspicion that his daughter is going to be very accident-prone. He wanted to combat that every chance he got lmao.
Cory gets very used to doing his homework while carrying her around. Heâll usually be lightly bouncing her in one arm, and reading out loud from his textbook in his other, as he walks aimlessly around the apartment. Riley seems to absolutely love it and after a while, he finds he canât really concentrate on his work as well if heâs not doing it.
Rileyâs first word was âBeary!â, yelled in a bit of a panic when she dropped him while Cory was carrying her to the bakery one day since Eric caught the flu. Cory totally cried, like, a lot, so her second word of âDadaâ came very quickly because the poor little thing couldnât understand why he was crying awwww
A couple days after that she started up with âUnca Eeer-ickâ, and then got the hang of yelling out names of characters on the Disney Junior shows, or just random things she saw like âburd!â or âtwee!â and stuff like that.
It took her a couple months to say âMamaâ and Topanga was reeeeeeaally upset about it omg
Cory kept trying to convince her it was just that Riley was having trouble with âmâs or something, but they both knew it was because Topanga was always so busy, and maybe Rileyâs baby mind didnât really comprehend who she was? But they also knew they couldnât really DO much about that, because Topanga needed the job. So she just suffered on until Riley yelled âMama!â, finally, on her first birthday, when Topy had surprised her with a little cupcake that had a #1 on it.
The holidays were interesting. They took her down to Philly for her first Halloween, and Amy and Alan found an adorable little kitten costume for her, so they put a costume clad Riley in a wagon and let âbig boyâ Josh wheel her around the neighborhood with him when they all took him trick-or-treating. It was super cute okay.
Thanksgiving, they had fun. Morgan found Riley a cute little dress and took her on a walk through the neighborhood, mostly because she just wanted all her friends to think she was cool since she was a Godmother, but Riley had fun.
Christmas was prettyâŚyikes, because Cory and Topanga really couldnât afford to get her anything, and they know sheâs not gonna remember her first Christmas, but it was really upsetting for them, you know? The family came through, so at least she still got stuff, but try telling that to Cory âIâm-A-Failure-As-A-Manâ Matthews, okay? No one could get her stuffed animals because Cory, Topanga and Eric werenât sure if they had a bed bug infestation going on but they were suspicious, so everyone mostly got her Dr. Seuss books and some dress-up jewelry and building blocks, stuff like that. Josh had insisted on giving her his own present, so Amy took him to the dollar store and he got a little tiny basketball for her.
So anyway, Riley keeps growing. Sheâs understanding more and more, she can talk more, sheâs learning how to read and write.
And obviously Cory and Topanga expected this, but they were really off in their estimates. She keeps getting bigger, she needs new clothes. She needs new shoes. She eats solid food now. She should, really, be starting pre-school, but they just canât find a place. All the ones near them are grosser than the apartment, and the ones that arenât are too pricy. They decide to just keep her out of school until 1st grade, but now they and Eric also have to figure out how to teach her all the skills sheâd be learning in pre-school and kindergarten.
She needs more doctors visits because she keeps getting ear infections. She needs vaccines. They have to figure out how to potty train her. They have to figure out how to explain to her why she canât have whatever doll or toy she saw a kid playing with on the playground without flat out telling her that they have money problems. They donât want her to know that, they donât want her to know anything bad thatâs going on. Theyâre still incredibly paranoid and wary and wanting to protect her from everything, from terrorists to kidnappers to poverty to the common cold. Sheâs got such a bright smile, and they think that if they can keep it there, everything will work out.
And then, of course, their asshole landlord ups their rent!
Itâs gettingâŚlike, a LOT harder for them to keep it together. Theyâre swimming in bills they canât pay. Coryâs just upset because he canât figure out a way to fix this and keep his family happy. Topanga is always pissed off because she never envisioned her life going this way, and she doesnât resent Riley, per say, because sheâs the sweetest little girl and she loves her to death. But she still canât help wondering what her life would be like if she never got pregnant in the first place.
So Topanga throws herself into work even more and starts becoming distant and snaps at Riley easier. Riley will ask her for help with a word or something, but if Topangaâs busy sheâll get mad and Coryâs left to remind her that the kid is only 3. Riley enters into the question-asking phase, and wants to be her mommyâs shadow, but Topangaâs so stressed itâs driving her up a wall. Riley wants to know why people shoot them mean looks when theyâre out in public or trying to get clothes? Riley wants to know why she canât have an American Girl Doll like the girls on the playground? âBecause, Riley, you need to hush up while Iâm trying to work!â. And Topanga really doesnât mean anything by that, really, but have you ever met a little kid? They internalize shit like that for a living.
They donât realize sheâs internalizing it for a while, though. But Cory and Topanga start fighting a lot more often.
Eric doesnât know about it because they usually bottle everything up until after Rileyâs in bed, but heâs pretty suspicious. Cory looked like he was going to explode one night at dinner when out of the blue, Topanga blinked in surprise and said âWhy is Riley wearing glasses?â and Cory had to explain that they had bought them for her 4 months ago.
Thatâs what they always fight about. Topanga is always upset about money, and while Cory is too, heâs more focused on the fact Topanga seems to blame their money troubles on Riley. They think Rileyâs asleep and canât hear them, but the walls are pretty thin in this apartment and more often than not Rileyâs under her bed or in her closet with Beary the Bear-Bear, praying theyâll stop soon.
Neither of them really yell for the most part, but itâs loud enough that Riley can hear them and they canât hear her crying. The only time actual yelling happened was after Topanga had to rush Riley to the emergency room because she had an allergic reaction to eating some pineapple when Topy had given her a little fruit cup with lunch. Topanga was confused and freaking out, but Cory got to the hospital FUMING because âTopanga, the doctor told us barely two weeks ago sheâs allergic to pineapple! You were standing next to me when he told us!â
So after all of this, Riley just hates yelling or fighting or angry talking of any kind. It freaks her out.
After the huge hospital bill they had to pay on top of everything else, Amy and Alan offered to watch Riley for a little bit while they tried to get everything together. Itâd be cheaper without a little kid there for a bit, theyâll be able to stop drowning and find their footing. The tell Riley sheâs only going there for a few days, but it ends up being a month and a half. That sticks with her.
Cory drives her down alone, and in the car he offhandedly asks her âAre you going to miss any friends?â you know, like heâs just trying to make conversation.
But Rileyâs like âIâm bringing Beary the Bear-Bear with me?â and Coryâs just like âDonât you have friends from the playground? Eric takes you there almost every day.â
But then Rileyâs like âThe girls done usually wanna talk ta me because they have diffrent toys and my clothes are always messy. Uncle Earick talked ta some of their mommyâs and I heard them say they see-d me when you and mommy take me shopping fer clothes, and they âdidnât like eet?â Or someding. And the boys are just gross.â
So now Cory is like f u c k because although he fully supports her view on boys, it never really occurred to him that like people would be acting like that to a little girl???? Judge him and Topanga all you want but donât tell your kids they canât talk to an innocent child? His daughterâs only friend is a stuffed bear. Heâs freaking out. None of this is Rileyâs fault at all, and heâs starting to realize sheâs probably internalizing some of this.
So they stop off at Rite Aid or something to get some snacks because Riley was hungry. So Coryâs checking out the candy aisle because he hasnât had sugar in soooo looong, and Riley wandered off but heâs still got her in his eye sight. She just seems to be looking around.
He eventually grabs something to snack on, and heads over to get her, when he realizes sheâs in the toy aisle and heâs likeâŚshit.
But to his luck, she wasnât eyeballing Barbies or anything. Thereâs this stuffed, fluffy, purple cat and sheâs staring at it with these huge eyes and she very clearly wants it. But sheâs not saying she wants it. When she notices heâs there she just asks him if theyâre leaving now. And he realizes sheâs not saying anything because sheâs figured out theyâre broke and if she asks for something, her parents will probably get upset, and she just wants to be a good girl. Cory can feel his heart cracking omfg.
So he tells her theyâre leaving and she skips ahead to the cash register and he grabs the stupid cat and pays for it while sheâs not looking. It was only like 3 bucks anyway. His kid deserved more than just one little stuffed bear for a friend.
So they finish the trip to his parents house and right before they go in, Cory hands her the little cat and she starts squealing because she canât believe he actually bought it for her. Which is definitely a little heartbreaking to him, thatâd sheâd get so excited over one stuffed animal. But then again, it was really officially only the second stuffed animal she owned. She asked him why she was getting a present if it wasnât her birthday or Christmas yet, and he tells her itâs because he knows sheâs been sad but he only wants her to focus on the happy things in life. Because sheâs a kid, thatâs what theyâre supposed to do!
Sheâs with her grandparents and Uncle Josh a lot longer than she thought she would be, and sheâs trying to not be upset about that because she is having fun with them. Amy and Alan were highkey emotional because Morgan was in her first semester of college, and decided to take this opportunity to spoil Riley rotten. Cory and Topanga called 5 times a day, every day, Eric drove down at least once a week to see her. Josh wasnât mean to her like the playground kids even though he was older than her, so that was fun. But he had school during the day, so she still was all alone with Beary and the cat for the most part.
It was the first Halloween she went trick-or-treating. Amy and Alan dressed her and Josh up in matching costumes, superman and supergirl.
Her parents drove down on weekends. She always cried when they left.
She had fun seeing everyone on Thanksgiving
Finally, Cory and Topanga came to get her and bring her home on her 4th birthday. They stayed late and had a little family party for her. Feeny gave her a big book about the planets, which she adored, and Eric got her a little princess tiara, and Amy baked a huge cake for her. Shawn mailed a couple age-appropriate childrenâs books he found, Josh drew her a picture. She liked all of that, but the best present she got was going home with her parents.
They still fight, sure, but Riley just feels better being closer to them. Sheâs all but convinced herself the extended stay with her grandparents is her fault, and thatâs part of the reason why she was so confused and surprised Cory gave her a present before that started
Sheâs got this cat basically glued to her, just like Beary, by the way.
Topanga was a little annoyed that Cory unnecessarily spent money on it, but she got over that quick enough when she saw how attached Riley was.
Because, you know, Topanga does love the kid. She just doesnât have good coping methods. But Rileyâs so sweet and well meaning and goofy, who couldnât love that smile? Every time Topanga snaps at Riley, she ends up being madder at herself.
Like, the end goal for both of them is âGive Riley an amazing life and keep her smiling and happyâ. The difference is, Topanga freaks out about how to do that in the future, while Cory is more focused on day-by-day.
For Christmas that year, they manage to get enough money together to buy her a Wendy Darling costume, since Peter Pan had recently become her favorite movie.
Sheâs obsessed with this costume, she wants to wear it all the time. She runs around in it, talking in a little bad-British accent, asking if anyone has seen Peter, pretending her bear and cat are Lost Boys and she has to be their âmotherâ to protect them from Hook, stuff like that. Itâs super cute okay.
So anyway, now itâs Spring Time and Ericâs taking her to the playground daily again. And itâs a Wendy-Week, which means sheâs fully in character and refuses to stop, and at the playground all she wants to do is lay on her stomach across the swing so when Eric pushes her she can pretend sheâs flying.
Only they get there one day and she just sits on the swing normally so heâs like???? Whatâs wrong???? And she says something like, maybe the other kids donât wanna play with her because sheâs a bad girl or something
And Eric is like???? âRiley thatâs ridiculous youâre literally the sweetest little girl Iâve ever met what are you talking about?â
And Riley likes talking to Eric about ~problems~ more than Topanga for the sole reason that Topanga always says âDonât be ridiculous/sillyâ while Eric just says âThatâs ridiculous/sillyâ. But sheâs not opening up and he is so concerned omg.
Instead she asks him if sheâs going to be going to Grandma and Grandpaâs house again and heâs like??? I donât know? Why?
âBecause Mommy and Daddy always fight on the last Friday of every month and thatâs this week and last month it was really bad and the last time I heard them yell that much they didnât wanna see me afterwards so they made me stay with Grandma and Grandpa.â
HE DIDNâT EVEN KNOW THEY WERE ACTUALLY FIGHTING LOUD ENOUGH THAT RILEY COULD HEAR THEM
He knew Cory and Topanga had no idea she could hear them. And the fact that she figured out when it would happen because of the rent??? F u c k. Not to mention he didnât realize the no-friends thing was bugging her that much, because sheâs only four so he just thought she was fine with the stuffed animals. Not to mention she clearly has developed some âeverything-is-my-faultâ complex and thought she was a bad girl. No amount of funny or weird Uncle Eric jokes could fix this one. What the fuck was he supposed to do here omg????
So he asks her what she usually does when her parents are fighting, and she tells them she either crawls under the bed or in her closet because small spaces make her feel better. She takes Beary and her purple cat and recently she started drawing stuff with some loose paper she found and the crayons she had gotten for Christmas. Ericâs heart is highkey breaking here omg.
And he just doesnât know how to really explain the whole situation to her? So he just takes her home and distracts her by letting her do his hair and makeup so they could have an âauthenticâ princess tea party. Cory caught some pictures before Eric noticed heâd come in the door.
So anyway, Eric calls out sick for work that night, and after Rileyâs asleep-like, he waits until he can hear her snoring- he tells Cory and Topanga everything she said and theyâre like f u c k
They wanna fix it, but theyâre like, sheâs only 4, right???? Sheâll forget about this.
So they spend the next few days spoiling her as much as they can afford to, and telling her sheâs a good girl every chance they get. Cory and Topanga make a conscious effort to make sure sheâs actually asleep if theyâre going to have an argument.
It works, for the most part, but not as much as they think it has. She still has already retained all this, you know? So itâs harder for her to shake it. But she sees her parents are making an effort, so she makes even more of an effort to be a Good Girl than she already had been.
Okay, so now sheâs like 5.
Still tightly bubble wrapped, but she knows things are happening, you know? She can tell by the looks on her parents faces whether or not they argued the night before. Sometimes they wake her up without realizing it. Sometimes sheâll come into the room and theyâll immediately stop whispering to each other, and when she asks them what they were talking about they tell her itâs nothing to worry about.
She still definitely feels like a burden, though. She sees people walking around in fancy clothes, and driving nice cars, and eating huge dinners in restaurants , and playing with a lot of toys, and sheâs at the point where whether or not someone directly says it to her, she knows itâs her fault that her parents donât have all that. She knows all the mean looks people give them when they go out together is her fault. She knows her parents fight about money a lot is her fault. She knows her daddy looks sad whenever heâs on the phone with Uncle Shawn, and considering how cold he is to her, thatâs probably her fault too. Sheâs a bad girl, she knows it. And it bugs her, so she tries to find ways she can be good.
One night she asks her dad why Eric always seems so tired, âdoesnât he know sleeping is good! Or does he have nightmares or something?â and Cory had to explain to her that because of his job schedule, he only really gets about 3 hours a night before he wakes up around breakfast time to take care of Riley.
And this poor girl omfg sheâs justâŚGreat. ANOTHER thing thatâs my fault!!!
So she decides she wants to help right. So the next morning when Cory comes in to tell her itâs breakfast time, she starts swearing up and down that she feels sick and doesnât want breakfast and just wants to stay in bed.
And no little kid can lie and itâs RILEY so Coryâs like âSweetheart not telling the truth is wrongâ which is like UGH everything she does feels wrong
So she breaks and tells Cory that she wants to sleep in so Eric can sleep in because heâs always so tired and that doesnât seem fair because he does everything for her canât you let her do this one thing for him????
And Cory knows he really shouldnât let this happen bc kids need breakfast and he doesnât want to mess up Ericâs sleep schedule but Rileyâs pulling massive puppy eyes so he gives in, and leaves a note explaining the situation to Eric on the coffee table
But Rileyâs not able to fall back asleep and she canât think of anything she can do to keep herself entertained that wonât wake up Eric but sheâs DETERMINED so this fucking angel just lies in bed doing absolutely nothing and making no noise for SIX DAMN HOURS until Eric comes in around noon like âPRINCESS OH MY GOD YOU DIDNT HAVE TO LET ME SLEEP IM FINEâ omfg
And Rileyâs going on a tangent bc obviously yes she did have to let him sleep because he does everything and heâs always tired and she just wanted to help him and be good and Ericâs so fucking touched heâs tearing up omfg
So he gives her lunch and helps her get dressed and then decides to take her out for ice cream just for being a sweetheart which has her all excited
He even braided her hair for her, which he kinda hated doing but Riley loved braids and he was the only one in the house that could get her curls to stay in place.
So they go get ice cream, goof around, he takes her to the park, they have a good day.
Until Eric gets a little distracted
Some new nanny thatâs new to America and is working for some rich family that just moved to the city is shooting him massive flirt eyes. And Ericâs beenâŚwell, very focused on helping to raise Riley and his job these past five years, he hasnât really had a moment to himself in a while.
So itâs been a long time since heâs had some massive flirt eyes thrown at him, and he kinda missed that so he starts chatting her up. The talk for a few minutes and he makes the suggestion of getting the kids together for a playdate, which is genius, because Riley gets a human friend and he gets a hot nanny. Sheâs apparently into this because she points out her kid, a tiny little blonde boy over by the slide (why the hell is he wearing a turtleneck in May?), and he looks around to see where Riley ran off toâŚJust in time to see some creep grabbing her by the hair and trying to pull her over the fence, where his fucking black truck is waiting with someone in the drivers seat
He screams and she screams which gets the attention of some patrolling cops nearby, who run over. Eric starts running over, and the creep drops Riley but she hits her head on the ground hard before he can get there. One of the cops starts chasing the car, shouting into his walkie-talkie or whatever, and the other one is calling a fucking ambulance because Rileyâs unconscious and her heads bleeding where the guy yanked to hard f u c k
So now theyâre in the hospital waiting for Cory and Topanga to get there, and the doctor has already assured Eric that Rileyâs perfectly fine but he is freaking the fuck out okay omfg you canât really blame him
Cory and Topanga get there and are all crying and Rileyâs still out cold but they get a call saying the police caught the guys thank God
So at some point Riley wakes up, but she doesnât open her eyes right away because her head hurts, so the rest of the room doesnât notice sheâs awake and continue their crying-conversation sesh
And the gist of what theyâre saying is basically âWe wanted to protect her so much and something like this goes and happens! Canât we do anything right for this kid? We just want her to be safe and happy! Life wouldnât be the same without that huge smile of hers! Her smile alone could change the world, what would we ever do if it was gone? Just thinking about the fact those men almost got her makes me sick. I donât know what Iâd do if Riley wasnât happy and smiling, I donât think Iâd be able to deal with it!â
Now, thatâs all very good and understandable things for them to be saying.
But Rileyâs not getting that, sheâs five! She thinks sheâs a bad girl that causes problems in her familyâs lives, and now theyâre crying about how much they just want her to smile.
So basically, sheâs hearing âThey only ever want me when Iâm happy and smiling.â
Which is NOT the case, but the thought is already in her head. She canât get it out.
So she letâs them know sheâs awake and decides to spend the rest of her life being the perfect little girl who smiles all the time and is always happy and is never a burden.
AndâŚhereâs the thing that helps twist her bad logic even further. Things start getting better for them.
Cory and Topanga are both done with school now. Coryâs finally about to become a full time teacher, heâs got a job lined up and waiting for him when school starts in the fall thanks to Rileyâs Uncle Jonathan. Until then, heâs still catching shifts at Svorskiâs Bakery because he canât seem to bring himself to leave, so thatâs some extra cash. Topanga has FINALLY graduated to Full Blown Lawyer Queen, and that helps a lot.
They donât have to budget down to the final penny anymore. The day Topanga gets her first pay-check, she goes out and splurges on Riley.
Just comes home with the prettiest dresses and clothes she could find, a bunch of stuffed animals, new books, a necklace with her name on it, shoes that donât have holes in them, a bunny shaped night light, a cd player, and a bunch of candy. Riley had never been so surprised in her life, and Topanga really wishes she had thought to get a camera to capture her face when she gave it all to her.
They tell her about a month after the almost-kidnapping that theyâre moving.
Mostly because they want her in a safer neighborhood. Partly because the new neighborhood had better schools and she was starting first grade in a few months. Partly because this way theyâd be closer to Coryâs job and he wouldnât have to waste money on a long cab ride.
She didnât really know how to feel about moving itself. Like, it felt weird, but at the same time itâs not like she had any friends or emotional attachment to the apartment itself, you know? Sheâs only upset when she finds out Ericâs not coming with them
They tell her that with her being in school all day, they wonât need him to watch her when Cory and Topanga are at work. And the new apartment is right over Mrs. Svorskiâs bakery, and they can afford the rent without Eric, and if they ever need a babysitter Mrs. Svorski is right downstairs always willing to help.
Riley is NOT FOR THIS PLAN
But she needs to stay happy to keep them happy, so she doesnât say anything but she hugs Eric extra tight on moving day and orders him to call her every chance he gets. Eric totally cries after he leaves lol
The new apartment has three bedrooms, so she doesnât see why they had to make a big deal about Eric not coming when he couldâve fit. Obviously itâs not going to occur to her that her parents are planning on having another kid
So, they get all moved and settled in. Rileyâs blown away by how big it seems, and she almost screams when she sees the window in her room. Itâs so huge and it lights the whole room up, unlike the other apartment that was dark all the time. She asks (begs) her mom if she can start a garden on the fire escape, and Topanga thinks thatâs a great idea and buys some pre-planted flowers for her.
So, happy little family. Cory and Topanga donât fight anymore, they can afford nice things, and everythingâs calm, and apart from worrying about starting school soon, Riley should be the happiest little girl in the world.
AndâŚshe is for the most part. She knows sheâs lucky. But everything went from so bad to so good so fast, and sheâs still on edge about the guys in the car, and neither of her parents, like, want to acknowledge that. LikeâŚthey act like fighting never happened, and other than Cory putting the baby monitor back in her room, they act like the kidnapping thing never happened. They neverâŚreference the old apartment or anything, and Riley just finds the whole thing weird and confusing.
But if she brings anything about it, they just change the subject. Immediately ask her if sheâs excited for school or nervous to make friends.
Which she is, so the distraction tactics usually tend to work on her
She wonders if anyone will ever want to be her friend, other than Beary and the purple cat. She talks to them a lot.
She tells Beary all her problems, how she feels about the move and how she doesnât know why her parents donât want talk about everything that happened in their old home. She talks to Beary about being scared but excited about school, and how sheâs worried no human will ever wanna be her friend. Bearyâs a great listener.
She doesnât talk much to her purple cat, but she likes to keep it near her. She hugs it when sheâs feeling down- it makes her feel like anything can be possible. Her parents can stop fighting about money, she can make a friend, cats can be purple. It calms her down.
She tells her parents about being worried about not making friends exactly once. They tell her of course sheâll make a friends, she just has to let the universe do itâs job.
She doesnât know what that really means.
Then a little girl climbs through her window.
And sure, she was freaked out at first, because look what happened the last time she talked to a stranger? But the girl promised she was nice, and just wanted to come in because she heard singing, so Riley thought it was probably okay.
Maya Penelope Hart is her name, and she tells Riley she ran away because she didnât want to hear her parents arguing.
Riley would have never thought to run away, that was even scarier than fighting, but she hates yelling so much she thinks she can understand Mayaâs thought process. And Maya seems really cool, so Riley wants to become best friends with her, and thatâs exactly what they do.
Riley loves Maya, Maya loves Riley, Rileyâs parents love Maya. Itâs great!
Riley is so happy that her parents treat Maya like Rileyâs sister rather than Rileyâs best friend, because she know it means a lot to Maya. But sometimes, it seems like they act as though she has the worst life possible, but from what Maya has shared, it sounds a little similar to her life, but if Riley ever tries to say anything about that, her parents tell her to be quiet.
âYouâre so lucky Riley, and you need to be a good friend to Maya.â âSweetie, Mayaâs problems are very complex, you wouldnât exactly understand it.â âMaya just needs you to be the best friend you can be, okay?â
And Riley just doesnât get why itâs different, doesnât get why just because they have a nice life now means she can never talk about their old home, doesnât get why they act like Mayaâs life is a tragedy and Rileyâs wasnât. But her parents need her always happy and smiling, and so does Maya now, so she doesnât say a word to anyone but Beary the Bear-Bear and does everything she can to be happy and bubbly and make others happy.
She doesnât get why Maya doesnât believe in hope, though. Has she never had a purple cat?
Maybe Riley can be a purple cat.
School starts, and people seem to sorta like her there. She likes it when people like her, she likes it when she can make others smile.
She throws a Halloween party and meets a Dracula in a turtleneck and glasses. He saves her life and thatâs how she found her second human friend
(WellâŚsheâs pretty sure heâs human, anyway.)
The years go on, Riley, Maya and Farkle get as close as can be. Riley has gotten a lot better at acting happy non-stop, embraced the fact that she has to keep smiling. She likes smiling, and making others feel good, so itâs luckily not that much work. She still tells Beary the Bear Bear all her secrets. If she ever feels like sheâs slipping up, getting sad or maybe loosing hope in herself, she draws a purple cat to make her feel better.
It feels almost symbolic, sorta, when Auggie bit Bearyâs face off. Everything about her life had done a 180 so fast, and her parents were trying to act like it hadnât. Maya was the only one that had problems, and then they had a second child, one they planned and had in financial stability, who would never be sad or feel like he had to be happy in the first place, and here he is biting the face off literally the only reminder of what her life used to be. That is symbolism, right? Maybe she should ask Farkle and pass it off as something she read in a book.
Her parents want to throw Beary out now that he doesnât have a face, but Riley just canât bring herself to do it. He was the only one she didnât have to be happy 24/7 for. He listened to her problems. He made her feel safe. He made her feel like she hadnât been imagining the first few years of her life. She couldnât get rid of him.
Meanwhile, Maya is still kicking up a fit every time something goes mildly wrong in her life. Farkleâs parents fight often, and do it so violently things are getting thrown at each other. Theyâre both pretty miserable, and they both agree Riley is the brightest spot in their life. They want to keep her that way.
Thatâs how they decide to form the Riley Committee. It wasnât entirely selfish motivations, right? Why wouldnât Riley always want to be happy?
She can almost always tell when theyâre specifically hiding things from her, but for the most part she drops it and lets it happen. She loves her friends, she wants them happy. If people are happy because sheâs happy, then so be it. She sees the looks in their eyes, in her familyâs eyes, whenever sheâs upset about something. Itâs a lot of pressure, but she can handle it. Whatâs wrong with always being happy?
âŚSome days, she really doesnât want to be happy. But itâs not about her. So she smiles and looks for the imaginary bird.
THIS IS SO LONG I HATE MYSELF
