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@melancholymoments
When my mind starts to wander, it finds you.
// Midnight Thoughts //
It's so hard not to wear your heart on your sleeve with someone, when all you want is for them to take it
// Midnight Thoughts //
Unrequited love is an experience that does not teach you how to move on; it simply teaches you to love from afar
// Midnight Thoughts //
Love is only rewarding if it is not a one-sided affair
// Midnight Thoughts //
Studying the details of your face could keep me busy for hours; it's a shame I don't get the opportunity to do it very often
// Midnights Thoughts //
It's 3:21am, pillow turned to tissue. I'm aching for you, not them, wishing I didn't miss you.
// Midnight Thoughts //
Forbidden desires are one of Life's most painful treasures
// Midnight Thoughts //
Once you have fallen in love with a man, there is no merit in falling for a boy
// Midnight Thoughts //
The twinkle in your eyes is to me as beautiful as a sky full of constellations
// Midnight Thoughts //
I struggle to know which is less painful; to look at you, or look away
// Midnight Thoughts //
Your existence is like the finest form of art to me; there is nothing as exquisite as your smile amongst the stormy weather that is life
// Midnight Thoughts //
Why is it that I had to fall for you? Out of everyone, you were the one that definitely wouldn’t love me back.
// Midnight Thoughts //
You came into my life like a dream and a curse. You filled my days with laughter, but filled my night with tears.
// Midnight Thoughts //
It's funny; I never knew everything I wanted in someone until I met you.
// Midnight Thoughts//
I'm so hopelessly in love with someone who is so far out of my reach; they might as well be in a different galaxy
// Midnight Thoughts //
Why is it that I feel so cluttered?
Why is it that I feel so cluttered? Why is it that I want to throw everything away and start again? New clothes, new furniture, new crockery, new cutlery, new possessions, new house. Why all of a sudden do I just feel like I want to discard all of it? I can’t comprehend how I feel. I come home and I just want to get out. Not because of family, but because of the house. I don’t understand.
I feel cramped and cluttered. Yet, the house is tidy. I want to move somewhere new. New walls, new rooms, new layout. Yet, I love my house, and wouldn’t want to leave my childhood home. I don’t understand. In this new house, I want all new furniture. New sofas, new bookshelves, new bed frames, new chest of drawers, new desks, new wardrobes. I want to keep only my favourite items, the ones that mean the most to me. The rest, I want to go. I want to limit what I own; live simplistically with only the things I need and the certain items that I utterly adore. I want the colour scheme to be white and grey. Simple and plain. I want it all to be plain. Yet, I love vibrancy and colour. I don’t understand. I want all the cutlery and crockery to be matching. I want the crockery in sets, that are identical and all plain white. I want the cutlery to be matching and not excessive. I want storage. Lots of clever storage that allows me to be extremely organised. I want everything to have a place that it can be returned to when it’s not being used. I just want to start again and I don’t understand why.
What does this reveal about me? I honestly couldn’t tell you. My love for vibrancy, yet my mind yearning for a space that is entirely plain and simple. Does that say something about my mind? Probably. Currently, I walk into the house and my head feels like it’s going to explode. It feels fuzzy. I can’t think straight and I have no reason why whatsoever; it’s ridiculous. I don’t want all of this for material reasons, nor am I being ungrateful for everything I am so lucky to have. Believe me, I take none of it for granted. It’s just that, currently, my mind wants to escape. It wants to run straight back out of that door that I walk through. I feel so much calmer in other places: in school, in friends houses’, in other family members houses’, in restaurants, in shopping centres. The list is endless at this particular moment. In other places, I can be productive. In other places, I have motivation, drive and passion. In other places, I can be myself. I’m just struggling to understand why my head is so confused when I walk through my own front door.
Maybe, subconsciously, I am trying to project clear thoughts onto my surroundings. Maybe, subconsciously, I think that if everything around me is plain and organised, then my head will reflect it, allowing me to thrive. When you don’t own the house, it’s hard. Especially when your parents know nothing of what’s going on in my head. I can’t expect them to change it all, or to up and move just for me. Plus, I’d never make them do that, it’s simply too much money. I just want to know what I can do to get it to stop. I want to come home and feel happy, relaxed and organised, not stressed and overwhelmed by mind fog. I don’t even know where to start with this problem. I don’t even know where to begin in making it better for me.
