Don't Think About It Too Much @melanin-choly - Tumblr Blog

Lol I'd rather "drag my bare pussy across broken glass and hell fire" than deal with this right now hahahajajaj

I desperately hate how badly I want to talk to you

Especially after the conversation I just had, imma need you to lock the fuck in brother. Please.

I don't want to pretend.

Like it didn't hurt

Like it doesn't still hurt

Like it didn't happen

Like I'm okay all the time

Like I don't see you

Like I don't want to say anything

Like I'm not cold

I don't want to pretend like everything isn't crashing around me and I'm smiling while engulfed in flames.

My problem is always that I don't know when to stop. Now it burns.

This is suffering

There are times when it tastes sweet

Come sit down and eat

#haiku

My dog saw me relapse and came to snuggle in bed with me for the first time in months, so I cried harder

I'm sick of this body

I think I'm gonna relapse tonight, if I put it in my calendar I won't forget this time

calellon

and for my next trick i will go utterly insane in complete silence

So far I regret this

Don't feel like I deserve food lately.

I want to whither away.

Manic?? Me??? No no no no no. I just cut all my hair off right before work for normal girl reasons

This is not better. But I guess at least I made this decision. Goodbyes suck, especially when they didn't have to happen and you're still right there

melanin-choly

At least when they're hurting me, I feel something.

PSA: if your significant other passes and then you become an asshole, the first part doesn't negate the latter. You just have trauma AND you suck bro hahahaha

#twice?#I hate alcoholics #I hate this #I hate you both #I hate it all #hate #I don't want “us” to recover from this #I want you gone

I regret every person who has touched me intimately.

Every last one.

That's not good right? Haha

I thought the ones I didn't get were bad. I was wrong.

It's the ones that were here that hurt the worst.

The ones that got access and still failed me.

I guess I failed me for giving them access.

The door has to be opened for someone to come in.

Can't be too mad they did so.

Sometimes you get what you wanted and that's enough, even if there was another person involved. And they didn't.

Sometimes I guess it's better to wonder than to obtain.

I wish I was a mystery.

I wear my heart on my fucking forehead and laugh so loud I lose my voice.

I wish I wasn't known for yearning. I wish I could forget to yearn.

I wish I never noticed.

Anyone

Anything

I wish I was selfish and didn't remember

I wish I forgot as soon as I was told

I wish I didn't keep pieces of eveeyone

I wish I was a mystery and so was everyone else.

Was supposed to be crafting. Ended up sobbing and drinking listening to Olivia Rodrigo's new album.

This is absolutely self harm

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Don't Think About It Too Much