Eternal Sunshine of My Spotty Mind

Melissa D. BSW graduate. Yogi & lifter. Hungry for knowledge (and food). These are my musings & photographs.

[melissahh]

It's 2020. Can I please stop dreaming about my ex already???

[melissahh]

Social media is just a stark reminder of my past life. All I see is people I don't talk to anymore living their best lives. The point of sm kinda flew over my head I guess. I can't even be social online where it doesn't matter...all I see is figures from the past and think to myself what if. I feel so guilty about my choices all the time I just want to feel okay with my life and what I've decided for it. Social media doesn't help with that at all.

[sorreleater]

honestly some of y’all want a significant other so badly and can’t understand why you can’t find one, but have no sense of boundaries or healthy expectations of what a relationship is like. in a committed long-term partnership you get left on read, you wait for texts back, and you can forget about each other when you’re busy. sometimes you fall asleep without saying goodnight and sometimes you’re too caught up to text each other before 6pm. that’s how it is. thinking that you can’t be deeply, beautifully in love and still wait more than “1.75 hours” for a text back is such an unhealthy and unreasonable expectation of what love is, and you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you can’t allow the other person to exist on their own apart from you. if you’re projecting your anxieties and insecurities onto a partner who doesn’t even exist yet, then you aren’t ready for one.

[westindianheaux]

requested list of recommended books

Women, Race and Class - Angela Davis

We real cool: black men and masculinity - bell hooks

Wind up bird chronicle - Haruki Murakami

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness - Michelle Alexander and Cornel West

Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to Present - Harriet Washington

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

The autobiography of Malcolm X

Teaching My Mother How to Give Birth - Warsan Shire

This is How You Lose Her - Junot Diaz

I Will Teach You to be Rich - Ramit Sethi

The $100 Start Up: Reinvent the way you make a living, do what you love and create a new future - Chris Guillebeau

Beloved - Toni Morrison

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft - Stephen King

The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

Sisters of the Yam: Black Women & Self-recovery - bell hooks

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling MenT

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Further reading has both of us recommending take this book with a grain of salt) 

Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type

 Positive Discipline

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved

Why Is He So Mean To Me? (2nd Edition

The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

The 16 Personality Types: Profiles, Theory, & Type Development

. The Highly Sensitive Person

 Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches (Crossing Press Feminist Series)

 Black Sexual Politics: African Americans, Gender, and the New Racism

. Ain’t I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism

Assata: An Autobiography

Our Caribbean: A Gathering of Lesbian and Gay Writing from the Antilles

 Zami: A New Spelling of My Name - A Biomythography (Crossing Press Feminist Series)

Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth

Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder

Buzzed: The Straight Facts About the Most Used and Abused Drugs from Alcohol to Ecstasy (Fully Revised and Updated Fourth Edition)

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Revised Edition

 The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

 Sisters of the Yam: Black Women and Self-Recovery

Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality By Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jethá

Learning All The Time

 The Possessive Investment in Whiteness: How White People Profit from Identity Politics, Revised and Expanded Edition

Some other recent books…

41. Malignant Self Love

42. Non-violent communication 

43. The Power of Now

44. Men Who Hate Women And The Women Who Love Them

45. The Complete Book Of Home Organization

@654321fc

[westindianheaux]

for the anon who asked me this morning.

now BOOKMARK IT cause i searched for a while LOL.

[westindianheaux]

someone asked me for this again, so i’m reposting it.

[purplebuddhaproject]

“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.”

—

Emery Allen

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[espressogal]

once you stop fantasizing about that ideal version of yourself and start working towards becoming that person by setting your alarm clock earlier and actually going to the gym and actually volunteering at places and actually eating healthier and not procrastinating and working just a little bit harder you’ll realize that it was so easy all along. becoming your ideal self will only ever exist in your mind until you make the decision to work towards becoming that person. get up!! get going!! it’s now or never!! there is no light at the end of the tunnel!! get that flashlight and pave your own path bitch bc no one else is going to do it for u!!

[plutothewitch]

september will be kind. september will be magical. september will bring the missing energy. september will be working towards our goals and self. september will be a month full of growth.

[arandomthot]

Sometimes you need to go from being selfless to selfish

[purplebuddhaproject]

“One of the most satisfying experiences I know is just fully to appreciate an individual in the same way I appreciate a sunset. When I look at a sunset … I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a little on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple in the cloud color” … I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds. It is this receptive, open attitude which is necessary to truly perceive something as it is.”

— Carl Rogers (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[purplebuddhaproject]

“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is.”

— Marc and Angel (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[theboywhoreadsbooks]

Me, looking back at how many books i used to read: I love that bitch, she was going places.

[purplebuddhaproject]

“I’m sensitive. I love deeply. I think deeply about life. I’m honest, loyal and true. I appreciate the simple things. I will not change or harden to this world. It is this sensitivity, perception, sincerity, awareness, affection and gentle grace that makes me who I am.”

— (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[yourbigsisnissi]

as women we have to make sure we have our own. our own finances, our own passion, our own drive, our own job, our own life, our own self esteem, our own spirituality, our own confidence, our own peace. when you have nothing of your own, a man can walk up with a little and it feels like a lot. but when you have your own, a little bit doesn’t impress you.

[herkind]

Another advice for girls and young women: love and sex is supposed to be fun, happy and make your life better. If it’s not, if it’s making you miserable, if it’s making you love yourself less, if it’s making you doubt yourself, and if you feel like you have to sacrifice yourself or put up with things you don’t want to, you are absolutely entitled to throw it out from your life. In fact, you should, because your life is so, so valuable and you have the right to be happy. Being a girl does not mean having to accept misery and pain, even if that’s what we’re often taught. You are allowed to decide what comes into your life. Let it be happy and beautiful.

[alternativeblkgal]

one hard pill to swallow (that i had to learn myself) is that in order to actually learn coping skills and progress with living successfully with your mental illness is that you have to take action. whether that’s going to therapy or removing yourself from toxic enviornments/people, living your life solely for yourself or whatever. you can’t sit around venting forever and expect it will change. theres only so much understanding and patience that others around you will have. sometimes mental illness is a burden on others. it’s a burden when you have access to help and choose not to take it. sometimes it’s exhausting. there’s no magic day where it will all fall together. you have to actively make that magic.

[melissahh]

He doesn’t want you, remember? He doesn’t care about you at all. So stop it.

[yourbigsisnissi]

I’m a reasonable woman. I’m an understanding woman. I’ll date a guy who’s struggling. I’ll date a man between jobs. Ill date a man trying to figure things out. I’ll date a man who is living at home for now. I will not date a lazy man. I will not date a disrespectful man. I will not date a man with no goals. I will not date a man who does not take responsibility for his actions. I will not date a man who is immature. I will not date a man who expects me to take care of him. I will not date a man who doesn’t know I’m not his mamma. I will not date a man who isn’t trying. I will not date a man who belittles me. I will not date a man who does not uplift me. I will not date a man who refuses to communicate. I will not date a man who makes me wonder how he feels about me. I will not date a man who is disrespectful to other women. I will not date a man who doesn’t understand the value of money. I will not date a man who is not interested in committing to me. I will not date a man who makes me beg for attention and affections. Those are the standards. At the bare minimum.