what brushes do you use for your art/ what program? :D
Hi there! I mainly use Clip Studio Paint to draw but sometimes I use Procreate as well! I mainly use Procreate to sketch since it's more portable and I render the drawing on my laptop.
Here are some Clip Studio Paint Brushes that I use:
My own custom brush called "that's rough buddy" (yes that's an ATLA reference)
SU-Cream Pencil
mulolipen
Flashito
G-Pen Strength (unfortunately I can't find the original, seems like it was deleted)
The brushes are all free to download so go nuts!
On Clip Studio Paint, you can set the pen pressure to your own liking and I set mine into this!
You can find the graph by going to File > Pen Pressure Setting. You don't have to follow my settings though. Just experiment and see what you like!
I think that's all. Hope this helps and good luck with your arting endeavors!!! :D
Able to share my @kairizine fic where our KH girls get to go on a mini adventure! Thank you so much again for having me! Was a dream come true to write for Kairi again 🥺💖
Summary: Kairi is called by Leon and Co to investigate a locked file addressed to her within the main-hub of the cavern of remembrance. Namine and Aqua join Kairi on her journey to unlock her memories with a little help from some unexpected friends. While facing her fears Kairi is reunited with those she misses most.
A magical journey through the language of flowers and their deep connection to hearts connected by the dearest of memories.
Written for @kairizine2023 featuring gorgeous spot art by @mellekist!
From the depths of Radiant Garden, a blight remained, sprawling with cavernous pathways and crumbling cliffsides teeming with Heartless. Even the Restoration Committee’s valiant efforts were not enough to repair the scars left by the Dark Seeker’s reign. One of these blights, the Cavern of Remembrance, beckoned a new visitor: a Princess of Heart.
Kairi didn’t think she would return to her home world so soon. The past year she spent asleep had been long enough. Now was the time for action—Sora was still missing. The plan was to train hard until she could join Riku on his search. However, a message from Leon changed the tide.
Kairi, it’s been a while. Cid found something: a file addressed to you. It’s attached to a code we can’t crack, not without your help. Ansem says you’ll need to visit this place called the Cavern of Remembrance. It’s still swarming with Heartless, but I know you’ll be fine.
You up for an adventure?
Excitement flooded her veins. It was the perfect vacation from training. Maybe there was more information locked within the garden’s depths that could help Sora!
Bits and pieces remained of the legend of the Cavern of Remembrance. As a child, someone had told Kairi that it was a place that twisted and formed to suit the purpose of the visitor. Memories, hearts, and wishes worked their magic to weave together a place of reminiscence for the denizens of times past. A part of Kairi felt this place housed more memories and fading emotions than met the eye. There was something there she had to find.
Two companions joined Kairi on this unexpected quest. Aqua had long been itching for some adventure, and Naminé was roped in due to her unique abilities and connection to Kairi’s memories. Breathless and hearts racing, the trio made short work of the darkness that clung to every pipe, cliffside, and waterway. Naminé acted as an excellent guide while Aqua and Kairi cleared the pathway ridden with Heartless in every nook and cranny.
The trio soon found themselves within the depths of the abyss. In between indigo crags of rock and pipes of searing hot steam was a long hallway, reminiscent of The World That Never Was. Kairi stood in the middle of the pure white hall, scattered with the remains of fading Nobodies and the glistening hearts of felled Heartless. A large set of white doors barred their path forward. Her Keyblade shimmered into the air, leaving bright stars in its wake as she walked through them.
Thirteen doors teetered on the edge of nothing—floating above a circular pathway backed by rushing water. In the middle of the circle was a platform, glistening with the light of electrical wires that led up to a series of computer screens. A technological garden of memory and wonder. Its hollow nature, bereft of heart, sent a chill down Kairi’s spine just as the awe set in.
Kairi placed her hand on the terminal.
“It’s strange how similar it looks to The World That Never Was.” Naminé came to her side with an air of curiosity. A ghost of a memory tugged on Kairi’s heart. Once, she had been trapped in a room just like this one.
“Thanks, Naminé—for breaking me out back then.”
“You broke free all on your own. I just provided the door.” Naminé smiled, then set to work scouring the database. Kairi was delighted to see her thriving in her element.
“You’ve both been through a lot, and have come so far. I’m impressed how quickly you both took out all those Heartless!” Aqua said, bounding up behind Kairi and settling beside her. Her eyes shone as she looked expectantly at the computer screens. “What do we do next?”
Naminé drew in her shoulders. “It needs a connection—a memory from your past in Radiant Garden, Kairi. Then, I can use it to connect you to whatever data is inside that locked message.”
Kairi bit her lip. “I’m sorry. Those days are hazy for me.”
She recalled her connections, wishes, and dreams from childhood as snapshots. Glimpses of moments with her grandmother, a moment in a garden of flowers, and a whisper of a story late at night—that was all.
“Maybe you could use my memories of when we met to bring them to the surface.” Aqua put a hand on her chest and looked to Naminé for confirmation.
“That could work! Then please, think back on that time!” Naminé gleefully touched the tips of her fingers together. She turned to Kairi. “Kairi, all you need to do is listen to the melody of Aqua’s heart. Find that resonating connection and focus on it. After that, just step through that door over there. I’ll use it to connect you.” Naminé pointed towards the door with a shimmering Kingdom Key on the front.
Kairi furrowed her brow. “Aqua, what about that memory tugs at you the most?”
“The flowers you gave me. One was a pansy, I think? I thought it was really cute.” Aqua stifled a chuckle. A familiar light shone in her eyes—it drew Kairi straight to the connection she sought. With the melody tugging on her heart, the princess stepped through the door and into the unknown.
****
The space rippled and filled with light, numbing her senses until the scent of dew and freshly cut flowers filled the air. Kairi’s eyes fluttered open to the memory of herself as a young girl, no older than four, with a small bouquet of flowers in her hands. Kneeling before her was Aqua, who hadn’t seemed to age a day since then. Her mentor smiled gently at little Kairi, and gingerly took the flowers with a word of thanks.
“Kairi!” A soft, melodious voice tugged at the edges of her heart. Who was it?
Little Kairi turned from Aqua to call out to the faded figure in the distance until Aqua gently coaxed the girl’s attention back to her. Gingerly, she tapped little Kairi’s necklace, leaving a burst of light in her wake.
“One day, when you’re in trouble—the light within you will lead you to the light of another. Someone to keep you safe.”
What a kind and warm memory, one that shone like sea glass on the shore. The chains in her memory relinked, twisting and twirling in joy as they nestled in her heart.
“The light has always found a way to guide me and keep me safe.” Kairi breathlessly clutched her necklace, sensing the lingering whisper of the wish. The world shifted in a veil of light, transporting her to another time, another place—one all too familiar.
****
A labyrinthic library formed. The musty scent of old and dusty tomes overwhelmed Kairi with a rush of nostalgia. It was the place from her memories, one that shone vividly in the depths of her heart.
A book will guide you to what you seek. A voice slipped into her mind like a beloved lullaby. Kairi glanced around, sensing no other presence. Curious, she continued to explore the space from her memories.
A soft glow flickered within a nook nearby, guiding her to a book embossed with a pansy flower. Delicate fingers cracked open the tome to see a lone pressed purple and yellow flower peeking out from its pages.
“A pansy, it means ‘thinking of you…’” Kairi mused.
The space shifted, transporting her again to another memory. This time, Sora and Riku’s young sun-kissed grins greeted her, their arms filled with pansy flowers.
“Back then I was homesick for a place I didn’t remember.”
“And we cheered you up.”
With a sharp intake of breath, she turned. Riku stood before her, looking the same as he did when he’d left. “Are you…real?”
“Just his leftover worries and thoughts. You’ve been worried, haven’t you? About being away from us. But you shouldn’t be. Your memories of us are so important that they keep you going when you’re lost, right? You know you’re never too far away. Our hearts are always connected.”
Kairi held back tears. “You always know what to say. Thank you, Riku.”
Riku’s smile faded into the abyss of the library. In her hands was a new book. Where gold once embossed the front, now only the outline of small flowers remained. Gingerly, Kairi cracked open its pages.
A single flower was neatly nestled between water-stained pages, pure white and so delicate she feared it would break. A diphylleia. Kairi couldn’t remember who taught her the name.
The meaning echoed across the chambers of her heart.
“Happiness.”
Kairi!
A soundless voice gripped her heart as a vast expanse of sea and sky spilled out before her. At her feet, lotus floated to the surface, their petals unfurling as if they were reaching for the sunlight. The visage of the final world shimmered into being, as did the fading form of a boy she dearly missed.
“Sora!”
The vibration of his heart resonated deep within her own. Neither data nor sleep was a barrier to an unbreakable connection. Sora placed something in her hands, smiling as he faded into the never-ending sky. In his wake, he left a reminder, an oath—her charm.
“I’m always with you. Right, Sora?” Kairi held the charm close, sensing her heart’s resonance with those she loved most.
So, you found your light.
Kairi turned, stumbling against the lotus dancing at her feet. Each white blossom radiated the warmth of pure light.
****
Standing in the midst of sea, flowers, and sky was an old woman, her cheeks round with a smile and dusted pink. She wore the same shawl Kairi remembered from days spent listening to her stories in the library. Kairi sought out a vibration, a melody resounding from the woman’s heart—but it was barely a whisper.
Data. A memory recorded long ago and leftover from a strong heart. Kairi stepped forward. “Grandma?”
“In a sense, but you know that.” Grandma beamed.
Kairi ran to envelop the woman in a warm embrace. Tears streamed down her face as memories rose to the surface against the darkness. Memories of loss, guilt, and the distinct fear of never returning “home.”
“I miss you. I’m sorry that I forgot.” Kairi sniffled.
“But you didn’t forget, dear. Your heart remembers everything your mind forgot. Good memories are hard to find, and pain sometimes covers up what we want to treasure most. Try not to hold so dearly onto the past that it halts your future. Any memories you might have lost have allowed you to continue forward with renewed strength.” Grandma gently rubbed a tear from Kairi’s eye. Stars danced in the woman’s eyes as she admired how far the girl had come.
“I want to find you! I want to bring you all home .”
“All in due time, my dear. I programmed the data to respond to what your heart needs most. To help you move forward. Now, what has been troubling you?”
A breath shakily escaped Kairi’s chest. “My memories—if I just remembered, then maybe we’d all be able to be together again.”
“Your memories are deep inside you, waiting for the right moment.” Kairi’s grandmother brushed a strand of hair away from the girl’s tear-stained face. The woman pressed her forehead to Kairi’s and closed her eyes to whisper a familiar oath. “Wherever you go, we’re always with you. Never forget, take heart, and move forward.”
Light swallowed the princess whole once again as the warmth of her grandmother faded. When Kairi awoke, two concerned faces greeted her.
“Kairi! I’m so glad you’re awake! You just came back in a daze and nothing I did would get through to you.” Naminé grasped Kairi’s hands and held back tears.
“Thank goodness.” Aqua breathed a sigh of relief as she bent down to help Kairi to her feet. She wore a bewildered expression as she gently plucked a purple flower from behind Kairi’s ear.
“An azalea?” Naminé said.
Kairi took the flower and rubbed its stem between her fingers. “‘Please take care of yourself.’ That’s what the message was. Though my heart may be estranged from those I love, they’re never too far. They’re all right here inside me—urging me to keep moving forward.”
You’ve faced your fate well.
A heart song echoed in her chest. The remnant of a memory tugged on her lingering connection. Kairi reached for it.
Like a lotus, stretch towards the light. Let your heart bloom even in the deepest darkness, beautiful and strong like I know you are.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading! It was amazing being a part of Kairi Zine Vol 2 Destiny’s Embrace. Still pinching myself that I actually got to write for it and work with the wonderful @mellekist. You can find her gorgeous spot art for the zine here!
And leftover sales are still open as of 10/6 so be sure to snag a digital copy if you’re wanting more Kairi goodness or merch!
I hope you enjoyed this little story focusing on Kairi’s feelings about her memories and missing those she loves most. I loved writing it!
Some notes about the chosen flowers below! I really had fun picking which flowers to focus on. These are notes I made during the planning phase and really are just fun extra notes on the themes I wanted to explore. Hope you enjoy this inside look!
*****
Main themes I chose were estranged love (lotus), cherished memory (please take care of yourself for me/Azalea) connection (pansy/thinking of you), and overcoming guilt associated with Kairi being estranged from those she loves. The lotus while meaning estranged love-also refers to the loss of memory for “rebirth” and becoming stronger. Through multiple “rebirths” darkness is removed and the purest light is formed.
Loss of memory, sharing of her heart with Sora and regaining connections (being closer with Naminé and Aqua) has resulted in many “rebiths” for Kairi. As she exits the data she has changed a bit and had another rebirth. She’s no longer feeling estranged from those she loves, she was reminded they’re always with her. For the flowe she sees when being “reunited” with Sora I played with the meaning of Show my true self for Diphylleia. The flower is called a skeleton flower for it becomes translucent in the rain. A nod at Sora’s fading form at the final world.
For the last theme, Kairi reiterates that part of what makes her whole is her connections to her friends—her true self has been shaped by her connections and she is grateful to carry them with her always. I wanted to touch on how Kairi is missing those she’s estranged from and having guilt that she’s not with them—through memories or physically.
Kairi also feels guilt for not fully remembering her days in Radiant Garden. She feels they must be important memories, there is an imprint on her heart. Kairi’s important connections remind her that she has nothing to feel guilty about. She is with them, always. Although she’s estranged from those she loves most, those cherished memories and connections (regardless of how strong) are what makes her whole, even if she doesn’t fully remember them. She’s become so strong and taken charge of her fate. There are things out of her control (losing Sora, Riku traveling alone, being separated from her grandma, not having access to all her memories) but what she does have control of is how she faces it—and she’s faced it well.
Thank you so much for reading!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Rating: G
Summary: Xehanort continues to haunt Kairi's dreams. She hopes to find a way to uproot his phantom presence for good.
Wordcount: 2,011
Notes: Written for @kairizine with illustrations by @mellekist! This was super fun, so glad I got to be a part of it!!
XXX
In the Weeds
Sweet scents fill the crisp spring air, wafting up from blossoms of every shape and color. The flowers are separated within geometric plots: tall from short, leafy from bare, vibrant from muted. Blue-gray paving stones wind between each bed, like island chains connecting blooming continents.
In the center of it all, a fountain gurgles. Shimmering water flows out like spokes of a wheel, giving life to flowers spreading past the horizon.
It’s a beautiful world. It resembles what would’ve been, should’ve been, her world—if not for the silver-haired man kneeling in the plot of flowerless dirt before her.
“Good evening, Kairi,” he says, even though the sun hangs directly overhead, casting no shadows on the world below. He doesn’t look up from his work—though why he’s bothering to weed a plot of nothing but weeds is anyone’s guess. “I hope that your day was sufficiently pleasant.”
How can it be, when I have to see you at the end of it? she wants to snap, bitter as the violet garlic blossoms in the plot behind her.
It doesn’t matter what she says, though. Nothing has been able to uproot this shadow of Xehanort from the soil of her dreams.
Tonight, he resembles his complete self—the one who had taken her as a child and sent her adrift. The one who had connected her heart to Sora. It’s his favorite form, from what she can tell, though he seems as helpless to choose between his alternate selves as she is to banish them.
His purple ascot hangs untied around his neck. His lab coat has been set aside, folded neatly on the ground between the budding plants, leaving him in a collared shirt under a ribbed gray vest. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, but dirt has still managed to stain his cuffs.
If he’s a phantom, he’s a very vivid one. And if he’s not…
“Ah. No words to spare for me tonight? And here I was rather looking forward to your clever barbs.” He plucks a thorned weed from the plot of leafy stalks, twirling the stem between his fingers.
She doesn’t know why a magical dream garden grows weeds at all, much less why Xehanort bothers to remove them, night after night. If not for his sisyphean effort, she would attribute the thorns to his corrupting influence. Of course, maybe he’s the reason this plot lacks the blooms that color the rest of the garden.
“I’m not here to entertain you, Xehanort,” she sighs.
“I suppose that’s true.” He nods thoughtfully. “I am meant to entertain you, more likely.”
She snorts, plopping down on the curved beam that edges this flower bed. If she has to be awake during her dreams, she can at least stop standing like she expects to be attacked.
Xehanort won’t harm her. He can’t. He’s tried a few times, when he first began invading her dreams. He seemed to believe that destroying her would free him from this dream-prison, but she’d just respawned, more frustrated than ever.
His idea of “entertainment” is likely just as violent. If she hadn’t sparred so much today, she might’ve picked a fight with him, just to see if her training would show.
Not that she expects to destroy him, either. No matter which form he’s taken, she hasn’t been able to best him—unless she counts the one time Sora had projected enough of his consciousness to assist her.
(She doesn’t.)
“Well, if you have nothing to say, then you won’t object to me filling the silence.” He hums, inspecting a narrow, slightly yellowed leaf that looks just like every other narrow, slightly yellowed leaf in this plot. “I have not been able to determine what time of year this place is meant to mirror. Every bed seems to run on its own timeframe. I’ve spotted zinnia and hellebore blooming in plots barely two stepping stones apart.”
“It’s a magic garden.” Kairi yawns. “You don’t expect it to make sense, do you?”
“Not particularly. But that’s why this bed is so fascinating. None of these plants have flowered, despite every other species’ state of perpetual bloom.”
Kairi’s brow furrows as she inspects the plants. A few leafy stems end in tiny bulbs, with the hint of orange petals hiding within. For the most part, though, they just resemble tall grass.
It is strange. Not as strange as hearing Xehanort sound so interested, though.
“I assume you are familiar with these flowers, considering this is your garden,” he continues. “Asclepias tuberosa. More commonly known as butterfly weed. But are you aware of their significance?”
He’s wrong. The garden is as much a mystery to her as it is to him. She hesitates to give him any more power by admitting her ignorance, though.
“So… they are weeds?” she asks tentatively.
“‘Weed’ is merely a title given to any plant that grows where it isn’t wanted. It isn’t a very useful classifier, botanically.”
She frowns, leaning forward to pick at one of the leaves.
“Something that grows where it isn’t wanted, huh? Sounds like you might know something about that.”
“Ah. There’s that wit of yours.” His smile looks entirely too genuine. On anyone else, she’d call the expression warm. “But yes, I do. What about you? You haven’t answered my question.”
She sighs. Unfortunately, she has nothing better to do than humor him.
“I don’t know anything about butterfly weed,” she admits, deciding that his opinion of her doesn’t matter enough to pretend otherwise.
“Really?” His eyes go wide with surprise. “I must reevaluate my hypotheses. That is what I get for assuming, I suppose…” He shakes his head. “Butterfly weed. In the code of flowers native to Radiant Garden, it is gifted as a goodbye—particularly to someone from which one desires long-term distance. The literally translated meaning is ‘let me go.’”
“Let me go…” she echoes quietly.
If only the buds would bloom. This is the only flower she’d want to share with Xehanort.
“How do you know all this?” she asks, caught between suspicion and curiosity. She can’t imagine him studying flowers alongside the experiments that plunged her homeworld into darkness.
“Ah. Let’s just say my former Master had plenty of chores for me to attend to… and my former companion had plenty of trivia to distract from the menial labor.” He smiles again, reminiscing fondly. “Of course, the meanings he assigned to each flower weren’t always accurate. I recall him trying to convince me that daffodils meant someone was ‘daft and smelled like dill.’”
He snorts softly, and Kairi’s teeth grind together to keep a shocked laugh from escaping.
How can he sound so normal? This is the man who stole her from her birth family, who used her as a pawn against Sora time and time again. He doesn’t deserve to be here, tending flowers without a care in the world.
“It would be wonderful to see him again…” he murmurs while caressing one of the stems.
“You should’ve thought of that before you tried to destroy the worlds,” she says sharply.
Before you destroyed me.
She can’t listen to this anymore. She doesn’t care if she’s stuck here all night; she’ll find another section of the garden to hide away in.
She stands, only to be stopped short by his melancholy voice.
“Yes… I suppose I should have.” He sighs. His hand falls to his side, index finger tracing aimless trails through the dirt. “If I had only been content with what I had… perhaps my life would not have ended alone.”
His form flickers like static, and a black coat replaces his gray vest and pants. The spikes of his hair split and darken a shade.
Xemnas. The Xehanort who delivered her up to her final fate.
“If that’s your way of apologizing for kidnapping me, it could use some work,” she huffs.
She refuses to flinch away from his more intimidating appearance. He’s still kneeling in the dirt. He still can’t hurt her. Not this time.
“You would accept an apology from me?” he asks, brow furrowed. His voice is at least a half-octave deeper now.
Jarringly, it reminds her of when Wakka’s voice dropped in junior high. At least the ridiculous mental comparison makes it easier to stand up to Xemnas.
“No. But it wouldn’t hurt.”
He chuckles ruefully, dipping his head.
“Very well. I am sorry for the pain you have suffered at my hands…” He takes his original form again, and his shoulders relax a little. “Though it is impossible for me to honestly apologize for everything.”
She frowns. She doesn’t believe he’s honest about anything—but if he’s going to lie, why not go all in?
“What do you mean?”
“Radiant Garden was already doomed, before any of my actions took effect. The Ansem you call ‘Wise’ made sure of that.” He snorts. “But you… you were our hope, Miss Kairi. If not for your bond with Sora, who would have come to pull us from the dark?”
He snaps a closed bud from its stem, holding it out to her like a peace offering.
“I sent you off. And you found a home that you treasured, did you not? The same home that half of me hailed from.” His visage flickers to that of Master Xehanort, but thankfully becomes his younger self again. She can’t look into the Master’s eyes without feeling like she’s choking. “And so the wind blows the next generation of seeds back out to sea…”
She does treasure the Islands. But most of all, she treasures the friends she has there. Her adopted parents. Sephie, Tidus, Wakka. Sora and Riku…
Sora, trapped in a realm beyond her comprehension. Riku, searching for him alone.
“I just want my friends back.” Her throat tightens. She doesn’t take the offered bud. “If you really cared, you wouldn’t have sent me to them just to take them away.”
“This is true.” Xehanort’s arm drops, letting the snapped stem fall. “I did not care. It is only in death that I can see how shortsighted that was.”
He looks up, and for once, she believes the regret in his brown eyes—a different color from the other Xehanorts.
(Why? It can’t be Terra’s influence. Terra’s eyes are blue.)
“But there is nothing I can do for them now. I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “You and I are both seeds drifting far from those we called friends.”
“Don’t—don’t compare yourself to me.” She shakes her head, her hands trembling.
He can still hurt her. He doesn’t need keyblades or magic—he just needs to be human. To nurture her sympathies the way he attempts to nurture this garden.
She hates that she wants to fall for it. She wants to believe the man trapped in her mind isn’t as evil as he appears. Is she really this desperate for someone to understand her?
Xehanort simply nods, returning to his silent plucking of weeds. Red wells from the pads of his fingers where thorns prick them.
It’s what he deserves. To be alone and forgotten.
(As alone and forgotten as she is.)
…Light, now she’s comparing them. The seed he’s planted has already taken root.
She brushes one butterfly weed bud—and a single petal peels free, facing the sun.
Her breath catches. How…?
Xehanort looks up at the sound, then to the opening orange bloom. His eyes widen.
“How did you…?” he echoes her thoughts.
She nearly says she doesn’t know. But—but she does.
She knows. And she knows how to make him leave.
(Asclepias tuberosa. “Let me go.”)
The flower bloomed when her hate had wavered. The question is, can it waver again? Can she let go of this pain for good?
Not yet. Not yet, but eventually. Hope blooms in her chest, bright as the flower in her hand.
“It’s my garden, remember?” She grips the blossom tight, its stem leaking warm sap against her palm. “I still hold the power here.”
A/N: For the @kairizine! Since it was flower-language themed, I went with: Sweetbrier (simplicity, wound to heal), Star of Bethlem (atonement, reconciliation), Spindle Tree (your image is engraved on my heart). The amazing @mellekist drew spot art for this fic, please check them out!
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i.
The air was clear. Kairi gazed across the calm waters separating the mainland from Destiny Islands. When she had been younger, the distance had felt enormous, as wide as an ocean. Now she knew it as a small channel, a short canoe paddle away. The islands were close enough that she could spot the spindle trees that dotted the hills, the docks and the pirate ship that hadn’t crumbled over time. A breath, and she smelled the acrid flowers, the musty wooden planks, the salty sea breeze. Straining her ears, she barely heard children’s laughter as small figures raced one another across the white sands, repeating scenes from her own childhood.
If she squinted, she could see herself running too, her short hair tickling her neck as she tried to keep up with two reckless boys. Kairi, they called, turning around—
“Really?” Selphie broke her thoughts as she followed Kairi’s stare and rolled her eyes. She snorted delicately before taking a lick of her blue popsicle, her lips and tongue already taking on an icy hue from the frozen treat. In the hot summer sun, she had rolled up her sleeves before she could make a mess of them. “Do you have to stare every time we pass?”
“I can’t help it,” Kairi replied, reluctantly tearing her eyes away from the islands. The image was gone, the two boys fading with every passing second. There had been a time when Selphie was eager to visit the islands all summer long, but that was years ago. Now, they were no longer children. Now, they were on the cusp of adulthood, between fish and fowl, and Selphie was more than eager to let go of that part of her past.
“Don’t get me wrong, I get it.” Selphie waved her free hand before raising her popsicle for another lick, stopping the melting treat from turning her fingers into a sticky mess. She glanced at Kairi from the corner of her eyes. “The islands are fun and so much better than boring homework.”
That wasn’t the reason Kairi still visited them, but she hummed along nonetheless.
“Still,” Selphie continued, scrunching her nose slightly. “Aren’t they kinda…I dunno, childish? I mean, only kids play there.”
“I guess…” Kairi shifted uncomfortably and tugged her collar, letting in the cool breeze. Their summer uniforms did little to relieve them from the heat, and she wanted to be in a canoe, to sit in the water and let the cooler air surround her. Or better yet, on a raft, the wind playing with her hair, her hand tracing the sea. “It’s not like I want to play, though.”
Selphie raised her brow, forgetting her popsicle entirely. “Then what do you do there?”
“Just…” Kairi mulled over it, trying to find the right word. “Cleaning.”
Her friend snorted, doubling over with laughter. “Cleaning? You? Have you seen your room?” She wiped the tears from her eyes, still chuckling. “You even trick our classmates into cleaning the classroom for you. You’re so lazy.”
Lazybones.
You’re both lazy.
A memory, unbidden, rattled off. The two boys turned to look at her, the sun blinding her eyes. Kairi froze, trying and failing to grasp their faces, their names. Riku and S—but it didn’t stick, blue eyes turning into the water the second she blinked.
She forced a laugh. “I know. It’s weird.”
How could she explain it to Selphie when she couldn’t even explain it to herself? There was a memory of starlight, of tears, of someone asking her to wait. A promise etched in chalk. Darkness swallowing Riku. A smile as bright as the sun. There was a gap in her memories, in everyone’s memories. An empty space that left behind too many remembrances to just be a dream.
“I just have to,” Kairi continued, with a certainty she felt down to her core. She had promised to stay, so she would. The caves would be cleaned, the old spots would be left untouched, and she would wait.
Kairi was a protector, if only for these childhood places, these lost memories.
ii.
It was strange walking on Destiny Islands. Keyblade in hand, Kairi walked her old haunts—the beaches, the cave, the ship. Jamais vu, Selphie had called it, a sense of unfamiliarity in the familiar. Kairi knew all of these places like the back of her hand, yet they felt different, almost scary, now. Her memories had returned, and with it the monsters that lurked in the dark.
As Kairi passed through the cave, she brushed her hand against the wall. This was where it had all started: the Heartless, the Keyblade, the door to other worlds. Where Riku had fallen and Sora had risen and the door between worlds had opened. There were no signs of that anymore, just faded drawings on a cave wall, just litter from children sneaking out treats from beneath their parents’ noses. Even her paopu drawing was smudged, newer drawings taking over it bit by bit.
Try as she might, her Keyblade could not open another door, could not bridge a path from her world to the next. The cave remained a cave. The islands remained isolated. And Kairi remained behind, as she always had.
She sighed as she spun on her heel, meandering a well-trodden path down to the beach, her eyes glued to the clear, blue skies. A war was being fought out there, Sora and Riku keeping the darkness at bay. Not that anyone could tell from here. There wasn’t even a cloud in the sky. Across the still waters, her hometown looked as peaceful as ever.
No, not her hometown—she did not come from there.
It was still home nonetheless.
It was still hers nonetheless.
Kairi gripped her Keyblade tightly. Sweetbrier grew at the dune edges, the wild roses bordering the sand as though to keep it out. Beauty and thorns; she admired their strength and wished it were her own. A gentle breeze blew, her long hair falling over her eyes. She pushed it back, looping the strands behind her ear, remembering that once those hairs had tickled her neck instead of reaching her lower back.
It was funny to be here again, to be waiting. It was like nothing had changed since that starry night years ago, when she had reached out desperately to Sora as they parted worlds. Or when she had gathered driftwood during high school, her body falling into old patterns that her mind had forgotten.
Kairi stopped by the low-arching tree, running her fingers across the trunk. The three of them had sat here, once upon a time, imagining distant shores.
“We found out what’s out there,” she said aloud. “Didn’t even need a raft to get off this island.” Her nails dug into the bark. “You didn’t come back with me.”
Her words were met with silence. Riku and Sora were still on those faraway planets and she was still waiting at home.
The Keyblade in her hand warmed, reminding her that not everything was the same. Sora was no longer forgotten, Riku was found, and she had her own weapon in this ongoing war.
Wordlessly, she raised her blade as though to challenge. Let the monsters come—they would find this place would not easily succumb. Let the monsters know that there was a light in this patch of the universe, that the darkness would broker no hold here.
Let Sora and Riku fight across the universe, let them alter the course of worlds and fate. That was not her war. Kairi would protect their home, their haven, their memories.
And when her boys returned, bloody and broken and weary, she would protect them.
iii.
There came an end to every story, to every battle and war. A happily-ever-after, if you were lucky, and a final chapter if not. Of course, it was the case here, in this story of light and darkness, of princesses and fate.
The light had won. The shadows were gone. The war was over. Worlds were back in place, and so were the people displaced by years of loss and bloodshed. A key turned somewhere, a satisfying click that signaled that everything was done.
And at the end of it all, Kairi stood on the beach once more, her bare feet digging into the warm sand. Above her: a bright sun, stray white clouds drifting lazily with the breeze. Waves lapped the shore, the water choppy as though it too wanted to celebrate this moment. Tiny stars of Bethlehem grew stubbornly against the rocks and craggy grasses, their white flowers straining toward the sun.
Once again, Kairi was back on Destiny Islands, surrounded by her familiar haunts.
Once again, she was staring out into the distance, looking at her home.
Once again, she had her two boys by her side. Riku’s large palm utterly engulfed her own, and Sora’s skin was sweaty as he gripped her other hand tightly. The Keyblades were gone, the worlds at peace, and Kairi closed her eyes as she let herself just feel. The last time they had done this, they had been younger and shorter and oh so innocent. Her hair had reached her chin, Sora had been her height, and Riku had been cocky enough to take on the gods. Their eyes had ever been on distant seas, on horizons unknown.
Now she could feel the strength in their hands, calloused and rough from fighting. Kairi peeked at them—not that she had to. They were too distracted to notice her stare.
“It’s just like how I remembered,” Sora said quietly, too quietly. It was strange to have him so calm, his smile muted. He sounded almost shell-shocked. Part of her expected him to tug her, to race across the sands to the docks, but he didn’t move a muscle.
For once, Riku did not mock him. He merely grunted, his hand squeezing Kairi’s in agreement. He didn’t move either, except to turn his head this way and that, processing everything.
“The ship’s still there,” Sora added, swallowing hard as he watched three kids climb the mast.
“Where would it go?” Riku said bluntly, but there was no bite in his words. His gaze was locked on the docks, as though he had forgotten what they looked like.
“And the tree!” Sora continued, still whispering, still awestruck.
It was like watching blind men given sight, parched travellers drinking from an oasis. Their hands didn’t leave hers no matter where they turned.
I saved it all, Kairi didn’t say. I kept your memories, she didn’t remind. There was a time and place for everything, and unlike in her younger days, Kairi had learned to control her need to boast.
This wasn’t the time for glory.
No, this was the time for healing, for remembrances, for simply being. They were together again, and there would be plenty of days ahead for her to fill them in on exactly what she had been doing over the years.
“There’s more,” Kairi said, breaking the silence with a bright smile. She glanced at Sora, at Riku, and squeezed their hands. When they squeezed back, she took a step forward, gently leading them down familiar paths. “The caves, your rooms, our canoes—they’re all still here.”
It was like she’d pulled a trigger. Sora picked up the pace, pulling her forward eagerly. “Race you to the docks.”
“Is it a race if you always lose?” Riku taunted, keeping up with him.
Kairi burst into laughter as they all but dragged her into their competition, their hands still clinging to hers like a lifeline.
