this is my primary blog, i am much more like 'myself' here and usually that just means i am reblogging my current reads, yapping about my current reads and planning my new art work.
half time student but full time artist, i am always up to something creative and artsy because i feel like physically combusting if i am not actively creating something, it is just one of the things that keep me going as a human being.
current reads
Not quite dead yet by holly jackson
the vegetarian by Han Kang
eleanor oliphant is completely fine by gail honeyman
current work in process
jewelry organiser (i love my brain at times)
a tangled themed painting
words are futile devices (part-2)
(honestly, this description has more to do with keeping myself in check and not to update the internet about what i am up to)
unfortunately i’m a person who takes words very seriously, so yes i’ll remember every little things you've said about me, whether if it's good or bad, it will stay in my mind for a very long time.
for he is goodness personified, and i am but a shadow.
for the past few years, you've been accepting odd jobs here and there for the mysterious local barkeep to earn enough coin to get through to the next week, but when the opportunity of a lifetime that could turn an orphaned street rat into a noblewoman appears before you, you're suddenly thrust onto the road with the renowned and beloved sun knight, headed to the kingdom's northernmost fortress that houses its most treacherous transgressors until death. the job? you're to infiltrate in as a prisoner and break a fellow captive out.
pairing: kim mingyu x fem!reader
genres/themes: action, angst, romance, smut
tags: knight!mingyu, orphaned thief!reader, medieval quest, sunshine x grumpy (ish?), slowburn (mainly because they're on a quest that might mean certain death), soft dom mingyu, inexperienced reader, reader is nicknamed 'owl' and is referred to primarily as that, reader is referred to as 'girl'
tw: violence; mentions of killing and death, injuries and blood, including brief description of a human getting branded by hot metal, death and injuries by fire, death and injuries by knives and swords, death by poisoning; explicit language; explicit sexual content (unprotected piv sex, oral, fingering)
a/n: happy carat day!
wc: 32.7k
[Excerpt from “The Sun and His Shadow”, a children’s story]
There was once a girl who fell in love with the Sun.
She was a daughter of the night, raised by the owls and the foxes and the stars, her mother the Moon, her father the Ocean. She loved the Sun, for he represented all the things she did not know and could not have. She loved the Sun for his warmth and his brilliance. She loved and she loved, unaware of the way her eyes burned from his radiance, of the way her palms blistered from his heat. The owls and the foxes tutted and clicked their tongues at her foolishness. They chided the sacrifices she made for a love that wasn’t recognized, let alone returned.
The girl merely shook her head, eyes shut. It had been some time since the Sun had blinded her and made them ineffective. She clasped her hands, perpetually burned and bandaged, in solemn, reverent prayer. The girl denied that she had sacrificed even a thing in this hopeless, futile love of hers.
For he is the Sun, and I am but a shadow, she smiled.
-
The night is thick, its air weighed down with silence. A single candle stands in the middle of a desk placed exactly in the middle of the room, its light sputtering weakly, as if the shadows threaten to choke it out of existence. Outside the pavilion, not even an owl croons, frightened to disturb the grave quiet.
A young man sits with his elbows propped onto the desk, wide shoulders hunched, head dipped low in thought. He is a lion of a man, with a thick mane of black hair and a pair of deep, passionate eyes. Despite his visible prowess, he has been made small by grief. He clutches his sturdy palms together to keep them from trembling too hard, a clumsy attempt at prayer.
Opposite him, another man sits straight-backed and rigid. He’s slender in all the places that the first man is broad. His face is slight and delicate, features full and striking, as if the gods took their time in carving him out. Despite his otherworldly beauty, the man’s eyes are stretched wide and cold with fury. Clutched in his pale-knuckled hand is a thin silver necklace, thumb pressed harshly against the oblique pendant, as if attempting to permanently mold the facet into his skin.
This man, too, suffers, but his rage overwhelms his grief. The hairs on his nape prickle, as he sits, frozen in the vacuous moment following words that have been loosened from his tongue carelessly. For both men, the world has been upturned over their heads in the matter of a few days. Still, it’s no excuse to be cruel to his longest, closest friend. He doesn’t even remember what he just said, only the anger and the terrible, sickening release that he felt as the words left his mouth.
“Jeonghan. You’re not the only one who lost someone. My father and brother are also gone.” Seungcheol, the former, says, voice a quiet rumble in his chest.
Jeonghan stiffens, but he doesn’t apologize. He’s not sorry, not really, about the words that he spits out in his grief, for he is the type of man who accepts every consequence for his actions, whether it creates or dismantles him, with no remorse. Seungcheol knows all this; they’ve been friends from the cradle. He doesn’t take any of Jeonghan’s frigid anger personally, for Jeonghan had loved the Crown and the older prince as if they were his own family. This, Seungcheol knows with all of his heart, too.
Which is why he doesn’t argue and listens patiently when Jeonghan finally reveals the intent for which he called this midnight meeting and presents his proposal.
-
“Hail, Owl.”
You curl your mouth in distaste, straightening from the slump that you’ve entered the tavern in.
This late in the night, even the chronic drunkards have crawled down the crooked cobblestones their way home, or at least halfway home, and the lights have been diminished down to a single oil lamp. This flame flickers gently, wagging like a tantalizing secret, but the shadows that it throws into the room are long and energetic. The sole occupant, and owner, of The Dancing Spider casts the largest shadow, and you warily eye its movements, languid and graceful, before plucking your hood down from your head and turning to the counter.
“Defeats the point of a disguise if you recognize me immediately,” you crow, not pleased but not unkind either, as you hop up onto a barstool, nodding gratefully as a mug is slid over to you. You grasp it between both palms, letting its hot contents warm your fingers, before lifting the brim to your lips and taking a long sip.
Immediately, the rich, candied flavor of the Kwons’ signature mulled wine coats your entire mouth, sticking to your throat like syrup on its way down. For someone who can’t handle his own liquor, the barkeep churns out some of the best wine in the province.
From the other side of the bar, Kwon Soonyoung grins, like he hears your thoughts. You do your quick inventory. Sunny smile that stretches the corners of his lips to his ears. Sharp teeth, even sharper eyes. Slim gray slacks cut right to his ankles, white linen shirt with his sleeves pulled haphazardly to his elbows, a black vest buttoned to accentuate his waist perfectly. He looks just the same as every other night you’ve snuck into his tavern. Undisturbed by your entrance, Soonyoung continues wiping down the counter with a rag in quick sweeps, careful to work around the space that you occupy, before responding to your previous comment.
“Who else would visit me at this hour, if not my dear friend Owl?”
The barkeeper is cheery, as always, and he is the closest thing you have to a friend, but the word makes you wrinkle your nose and curl your lip. There’s no room in your life, cursed as it is, for friends. Just strangers and the occasional acquaintance. You categorize Kwon Soonyoung as the latter in your mind and take another slow mouthful of the wine before wiping your lips with the back of your sleeve.
“Well then,” you urge quietly, shifting in your seat anxiously, flicking your gaze over your back as if someone might have crept in, even though you made sure to latch the door behind you. “What’s the job this time?”
Soonyoung doesn’t answer immediately. He stops cleaning and turns his back on you towards the counter lining the wall. You watch the line of his shoulders in anticipation as he works and then narrow your eyes when he returns with a plate of food. A hearty bowl of soup, loaded with chunks of meat and potatoes and other vegetables, and a crusty baked roll, still warm and steaming from the stove. For the three copper coins that you usually pay him for a drink and a meal, he’s feeding you astoundingly well tonight, and you leer, suspicious.
“Are you sending me to my death, Kwon? Because if so, I don’t want any part of it.”
Your stomach growls at the wafting scent of the food, but you force yourself to push off of the stool to stand.
“Hey, wait.” Soonyoung scrambles, lurching across the bar, circling his fingers over your wrist to hold you in place. His grip barely ghosts over you, but the sensation of someone else’s skin touching yours, no matter how fleeting, has you tearing your arm back to your side, as if burned. It’s too ragged of a motion in response.
You burn with shame while Soonyoung stammers an apology out. He manages to coax you back into sitting and pushes the tray of food closer to you, which you accept with a wordless nod, gaze lowered to the wood of the counter. Soonyoung waits until you take a bite, tearing off a chunk of the roll and dunking it into the stew before popping it into your mouth. Instantly, you have to fight the urge to sink into your seat when the flavors hit your tongue. You chew quickly and swallow the mouthful before you can savor it because savoring means remembering and remembering leads to longing.
“There’s a job,” Soonyoung finally speaks, voice hushed conspiratorially, “A big one.”
You contemplate through your next spoonful of stew. “For who?”
“I’m not allowed to say—”
You snort and roll your eyes. He’s worked with you long enough to know that you won’t lift a finger for an anonymous request. If you’re going to be earning dirty coins, you’d rather know exactly who they come from, who you’re soiling your own hands for.
“—but it’s someone in a very, very, very high position. A hundred thousand gold Dragons.”
You drop your spoon into the bowl. Flecks of hot stew splatter up and onto the back of your hand, but you pay the brief sting no mind.
A year ago, you had taken on your biggest job from Soonyoung’s network yet that paid a single gold Dragon. It had required you to take the life of a town magistrate, and riddled by your conscience, you hadn’t been able to sleep through the night for a few moons following. The pay, however, had lasted you the better half of a year, which you rationed out carefully. You’d barely spent a quarter of it on the handsome starsteel dagger that now permanently lived on your hip, and the rest of it had been devoted towards the boarding fee in an inn room that locked and one good, proper meal a day.
You can’t even begin to imagine what a hundred golden Dragons could mean for you, let alone a hundred thousand. Before your thoughts fray with hopeless dreaming, you quickly tamper down the hope, giddy and airy, threatening to lift from your stomach.
“You are sending me towards death, aren’t you?” You squint your eyes, suddenly nervous of the way that Soonyoung’s pupils darken, mouth hardens.
The barkeep crosses his arms over his chest, chews on his lip as he thinks. Finally, he admits lowly, “It may be dangerous. But I wouldn’t tell you about it, if I didn’t think you would be successful.” Lamplight dances over his face, and for the first time since you’ve known him, you think that you read pity in it. “Owl, with that sort of money, you would be free to live your life.”
Ice trickles down your spine. As a child, you always imagined you would live a simple life, doing honest work for a meager pay at your family’s post. Perhaps you’d have your own family with a partner who respected you, maybe even loved you. When everything was razed to the ground, your humble ambitions had gone with them. Now, your life consisted solely of scraping by until Soonyoung’s network spat out another job at you to carry you through a few more days, a week if you were lucky.
A hundred thousand Dragons would last you for the rest of your life, and then some. Your thoughts run with grandiose ideas of your first purchase. Perhaps a new pair of slacks with stronger, lined pockets to hold all of your overflowing coin. Before the logical side of your brain can catch up, your traitorous tongue acts first.
“I’m interested.”
Soonyoung simpers, unapologetic.
“That’s great! Because I already told them that you’d do it.”
-
“Hail, Spider.”
You tense at the appearance of an unfamiliar voice but keep your head bowed, face obscured behind the shadow of your hood and Soonyoung’s shoulder. Despite the icy company you’ve provided him since thundering down the steps into the tavern a half-hour ago, the barkeep is exceedingly cheery in the early morning quiet, shoulders at ease and the grin curling over his lips familiar. He trusts this person, so you make a conscious effort not to bristle.
“Hail, Knight.”
Soonyoung reaches to clasp his palm into the newcomer’s. The man is taller, much taller than the barkeep, broad in the shoulders but lean everywhere else. He wears clothes that are tailored perfectly to his form beneath a long cloak lined with silk. He looks expensive, and in your books, expensive means dangerous. Though he’s not dressed like it, he’s clearly a knight, judging by the sword hanging at his hip and Soonyoung’s title for him. You try not to stare at the weapon and continue your inspection.
The man has a striking but kindly face, with strong brows, a delicate nose, full lips, and the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen, expressive and bright. His mouth naturally curves up, as if always smiling. His body is of a man’s, but the twinkle of his gaze and his grinning mouth reminds you of a boy. His skin, even in the dim of the tavern, is an alluring gold, complemented by the red of his clothing. Even his hair, not cropped short like the common fashion for knights but long enough to curl behind his ears, leans honeyed and not entirely black, as if warmed by daylight. Beloved by the sun, you think, and even without his armor or heraldry, you recognize immediately who this man is.
You bite your tongue hard to stop yourself from cursing at Soonyoung. He’s not only had the nerve to enlist you for a high-profile job without your permission, but also to neglect to tell you that your accomplice in it would be none other than the renowned Sun Knight, one of the Crown’s favorites. Heat prickles up your nape, and your stomach turns anxiously. You make a mental count of the coins in your pocket, rolling each over in your fingers, contemplating whether what you have might hold you over until the next job comes around.
Not a chance. You’d be lucky to make it past a week, and that’s if Soonyoung will continue taking pity on you, even after you tell him that you can’t go through with this job. A hundred thousand. You grit your teeth and lift your head, just as the two men finish up greeting one another.
When he turns to you, Soonyoung has already spied your expression, which you’re certain is nothing short of murderous, and his easy grin grows crooked and sheepish. “This is my good friend, Owl,” he introduces with a quick gesture and an airy laugh. “She’s been running a few jobs a week for some years now. Does great work and I trust her.”
The flattery lands ineffective on your ears. You dip your head to the knight in silent greeting, taking care not to give Soonyoung the attention he seeks from you.
The Sun Knight bows his head, lower than is necessary for someone of your class. When he lifts his gaze, he immediately searches your face, curious.
“Owl. Is that your name?” His voice is deep, rasping but not grating. There’s a hint of a lisp hissing beneath his words, which contributes to his innocuity.
You regard him cooly, half-impressed by the polished decorum he carries himself with. You’ve never met a knight before, but you have had your run-ins with men like him, of high stock and deep pockets. They’d spoken to you in short, clipped phrases, as if they couldn’t be bothered to waste any more of their breath on you and had dismissed you with urgent flicks of their hands, never mind ask you for your name.
“The only name that matters.” You add on dryly, “And do you go by Sir Sun?”
The knight tenses instantly. Uneasy surprise flickers across his face, as he glances from you to Soonyoung, whose own jaw slackens ever so slightly. The two men share a wordless conversation within a single look between themselves, which ends with Soonyoung shaking his head. A strained silence lingers, before the knight shatters it with a resigned sigh.
“I suppose it’s not easy to hide.” A tiny smile tugs at his mouth, and his face softens, as if it’s easier for it to be amused than serious. “But please, you can call me Mingyu.”
A given name, not a family name like you’re used to calling down here in the Troughs of the capital. You make a mental note of it and tuck it away, knowing that you’ll never call him by name.
With the introductions completed, you pick up the sack of supplies you’ve brought with you and pull the straps over yourself, one at your shoulder, the other at the opposite hip, tying them into a knot over your chest. When you finally turn to Soonyoung, he’s suddenly unsmiling and grave, watching as you fasten your cloak tighter at the throat and pull your hood down into place.
Your mouth has gone tacky and dry, so you give him a firm nod. Something foreign passes over his face, and for the slightest moment, you think that it looks like doubt. Within the next heartbeat, it hardens into an assurance that’s surprisingly bolstering, and Soonyoung’s pressing a package, wrapped in brown paper and bound with twine, towards you. It’s warm in your hands, but before you can ask what it is, the barkeep gestures to shoo you out.
“It’ll be dawn soon. Best be on your way.”
The Sun Knight clears his throat, and your chest gives a lurch, having momentarily forgotten of his presence. His boots scrape against the floorboards as he makes for the door. Your heart picks up, as you search for something to say, anything to say, just in case you don’t make it back. At the very least, you should thank Soonyoung, for taking you in that first night on the brink of starving to death, for being kind to you, for considering you a friend.
None of the words come to mind.
In your floundering, Soonyoung seizes the chance to speak first.
“Be smart, Owl.” His voice wavers ever so slightly, before something fond and familiar tugs at his lips. “It’ll keep you safe.”
You grin back, finding and grasping the ounce of courage that you need to jolt yourself into action.
“I am nothing but.”
-
The heavy wooden door slams shut behind you as you step outside of the tavern. The loud thudding rattles your bones ominously, as if you’ll leave this place and never return to it again. Hastily, you banish this thought from your mind and catch up to the Sun Knight.
The knight—Mingyu—has cut over to the other side of the well-traveled road, a little up ahead where it forks into two paths. Tied to the wooden post marking the crossroads are two horses: one slight and pale like moonlight, the other sturdier and strong, as if hewn out of umber wood. Horses can only be afforded to be ridden by nobility and therefore are foreign creatures to you, but nothing is as strange as the man tending to them.
Mingyu sweeps a large hand down the brown horse’s massive throat, his own neck crooked down to murmur softly to the beast. His face is too close for comfort to its massive head, in your opinion, but the knight smiles wide as he continues whispering, “Good girl, sweet girl.” The horse only nickers in response, as if she understands human speech.
His ramblings are gentle, affectionate, so much so that your own nerves are nearly lulled into easing up. You quickly catch yourself, shaking your shoulders to snap back into being alert, and remind yourself that you haven’t even embarked on this job that may earn you one hundred thousand Dragons or an early grave. You cross over to the knight and the two creatures.
Your arrival prompts Mingyu to glance up, still relaxed and grinning. You pay him a quick look before minding the horses warily. Now that you’re right up beside them, they’re much taller and broader than you thought. Mingyu is one of the tallest people you’ve ever seen, and even he barely comes halfway up the brown horse’s neck.
At your strange presence, both horses prick their ears and raise their heads from their lazy grazing. Though their eyes are on either sides of their faces, you can’t help but feel scrutinized by the animals and tense. As if he notices your unease, Mingyu reaches up to pat at the brown horse’s nose and coos, “Owl, this is my sweet girl, Summer. She’s all brawn and no brain. Aren’t you, girl?”
Summer chuffs again, sounding pleased at the description of herself. You fight off a grin, still cautious but more amused than wary now.
“Do all knights name their horses?”
Mingyu’s eyes flick up to yours, deep and thoughtful for a moment, before squinting one eye into a wink. “Only the best ones.”
Instantly, the glamour shatters and you scoff, but the knight already steps over to the other horse. Close up, you see now that this one’s an unearthly white color, like the Angel of Death’s pallid mount in the children’s stories you’d grown up with. She’s quiet, eeriely and hauntingly so, but leans into Mingyu’s touch when he strokes his hand down her pale mane.
“This is Snowdrop, on account of her being—”
“White. Got it.”
“I was going to say ‘a beautiful, beautiful girl’, but how clever you are, Owl.”
Mingyu’s cheek dimples innocently, and you desperately have to restrain yourself not to roll your eyes.
“Can you ride?”
At the post, your family would borrow the next door farmer’s mule-drawn cart whenever larger, heavier parcels needed to be delivered. You had learned how to ride and steer that mule from its saddleless back, even before you were four feet off the ground. Surely a trained, saddled horse won’t be too different. You eye Snowdrop carefully, and all she does is blink her large black eyes back at you.
“I can manage, I’m sure.”
Mingyu nods, assured. He gives you a cursory sweep from head to toe, then glances over at the horse.
“Need a hand up?”
“I’m good, Knight.”
Before you can even think to regret it, Mingyu hooks his foot into the stirrup and swings himself atop his great beast with ease. From the added height, the knight’s voice sounds farther away, and that much more aggravating, when he calls down at you.
“It’s a long road ahead of us. I’ll explain what the job is on the way.”
You stifle a sigh and turn your gaze over to the east, where the sun is just breaking over the horizon.
-
“So, why Owl?”
You’ve been on the road for only about an hour, you would guess, judging by the sun’s position in the sky. Already, your lower back aches and your inner thighs chafe against the leather saddle, as smooth and worn as it is, even through the lining of your pants. Most of the journey so far has consisted of easy silence, save for the clicking of Mingyu’s tongue as he guides Summer faster or slower and the steady clopping of hooves against the dirt path.
The sudden sound of his voice has you jerking to attention in your seat, which sends a deeper twinge through your spine. You can’t hide the grimace that follows, and you’re glad that Mingyu leads and that his back is turned to you. The fixed gait of the horses and the constant landscape of rolling grasslands and fields have lulled you into a transient state, so it takes your head a few heartbeats to restart, to run the knight’s words over to comprehend it, and then formulate an answer, without giving away too much.
“My family kept owls when I was a child.”
“Oh. As pets?”
You snort sooner than you can think to hold it in and clumsily hide it behind a dry cough.
“No. We ran the post for our village. My responsibility was to maintain the owlery. They said I spent so much time with the birds that I was on my way to becoming half-owl myself.”
The knight turns his face to the side just enough that you can read his grin. You look away. The memory of your family and the birds quickly turns from fond to bitter.
“The owls. They can be trained to deliver the mail accurately?”
“Of course. They’re not the symbol of intelligence for just any reason.”
Mingyu hums quietly but doesn’t say more. Now that the sun has come out to warm the earth, he has shed his long cloak off and wears only the red linen shirt that hugs his shoulders. You watch the ease with which he rides, the relaxed yet strong line of his shoulders, the perfect posture of his back and waist. He rides so effortlessly that you wonder how young he was when he was first placed onto a horse. You wonder if he wears red because it’s the color of his House or simply because he likes it. You wonder why he named his horse, and why he named her Summer. More curiosities spring to mind, and Mingyu has asked you a question so it’s only respectful to return the courtesy, but everything that comes to you seems too profound for the time that you’ve known him. Lamely, you call out something plain.
“Why are you the Sun Knight?”
Mingyu tips his head over his shoulder again, more fully this time so that you can see his entire face. Beneath the daylight, his eyes gleam molten, and you suppress a shudder at the sight. He smiles again—like he was born to—and gives a one-shouldered shrug.
“Knights’ titles aren’t chosen, they’re bestowed,” he answers simply, a little bashfully, and as he speaks, you notice that two of his teeth are especially pointed, like the fangs of a hound. “Perhaps I fight particularly well under the sun. Something like that.”
No, that’s not it, you swallow the words down your throat. Beloved by the sun. The phrase comes to mind again, and you think you understand how exactly his title came to be.
“I don’t mind it, though,” Mingyu continues cheerfully, turning his attention back to the road ahead. “‘The sun loves and gives life’, they say. It’s an honor to be named after it. Do you know that one?”
“Of course,” you grunt back, “The Troughs have nursery rhymes too.”
After that, silence fluidly falls back into place, which you welcome. You shift forward in the saddle to alleviate the pressure in your back and are reminded of Soonyoung’s parcel, when it nudges into your stomach from where you’ve been clutching it close. Curious, you pull it from beneath your cloak and tug carefully to unravel the twine.
Wrapped within the paper are two loaves of perfectly browned bread, no longer hot from the fire but still somewhat warm from your skin. Tucked in between the bread is a tiny scrap of paper, folded in half, and when you open it, there’s a message in Soonyoung’s messy scrawl.
Owl—
I’m sorry for sending you away without your permission. Impulsivity is my greatest sin, I fear. I’m scared that you’ll run into danger and that I was the one who sent you there. I should have told you this in person, but I was even more scared that I might stop you from going. Like I said, I believe in you, and I think you’ll succeed.
You will succeed and come home with more money than you know what to do with. You deserve more than this life. You deserve to be happy.
Eat proper meals. Save the bread for the road. Also, the larger loaf is for you. Give the smaller one to the mutt knight.
Come back alive. I would like not to be haunted by someone as terrifying as you.
Your only friend,
Spider
You swallow hard against the knot that forms in your throat and hide your sniffle by coughing a dry laugh out.
“You and your gods awful handwriting, Kwon.”
-
When Mingyu’s great brown mare gives a whinny, the sun has already begun its descent into the mountains that have appeared in the far distance. The knight clicks his tongue, sharp and high, and both horses respond in an instant, slowing from a trot to a walk. You lift your head wearily and loosen your fingers from the twist that you’ve been holding the reins around. By now, you’ve lost nearly all feeling in your legs, certain that the skin along your thighs have been rubbed completely raw, and when you roll your shoulders back, your spine cracks along five separate points.
“Summer says it’s time to stop for today,” Mingyu chirps happily, “which is just as well. There’s an inn just over the ridge there.” He points ahead, which you nod along to without following, just glad to be in close grasp of respite. You squeeze your eyes tight, barely clinging on as Snowdrop follows their lead, as steady as she had been at dawn.
“Alright, Owl?”
You blink your eyes open, barely acknowledging that you’ve come to a halt, just in time to watch Mingyu slide from his saddle, landing solidly on both feet. He sweeps his fingers through his fringe, which only flops back onto his forehead, a little damp with dust and sweat, but his eyes are bright, as ever, unfettered by the day’s long journey.
Your throat feels like it’s coated in a layer of dust kicked up from the road and you can’t trust your tongue to say anything coherent, so you settle to nod an affirmative response, sluggishly pulling one leg over Snowdrop’s back to dismount. No sooner does your foot hit the ground than your knee buckles beneath your weight, and your heart jumps as you scrabble to find purchase before you fully crumple onto the dirt.
Quicker than you can reach for Snowdrop’s saddle straps, the knight springs forward, reaching to brace you up by the hip. With the sudden proximity, he brings a foreign warmth and the scent of leather and steel and something warm and spicy. You go rigid, first at the closeness of the knight and the recognition of just how tall he is, then at the realization that he’s touching you—not directly, his fingers tighten over the dagger fastened at your belt and presses it into your hip bone, but still touching. You flinch away, the weakness in your knees quickly replaced by the heady rush of bewilderment.
“Sorry,” Mingyu blurts, cheeks flushed, as if he’s done something wrong. One day, you’ll admit to yourself that it was somewhat endearing, but in the current moment, you’re too anxious to dwell much on it. Gratefully, the knight allows you the distance that you’ve created, shuffling away to guide Summer forward by her reins. Before you can do something stupid like think about what just occurred, you quickly reach for Snowdrop’s leads and follow close.
The inn that you’ve arrived at can’t be described as anything more than a shack, but through the windows, you spy a lit hearth and hear the lively chatter of other gathered travelers. You’re wary of the presence of strangers, especially when you still haven’t learned where you’re going and what is required of you to be paid the obscene amount of money promised, but you’re exhausted and shakier than you’ve ever been on your own two feet.
“Before we head in,” Mingyu starts hesitantly, as he gestures for you to hand over Snowdrop’s reins so that he can bring the horses over to the covered shelter, which you comply with gratefully, “I wanted to brief you. We’re to travel under the guise of being married.”
The surprise must be plain on your face because amusement dances over Mingyu’s as he hastily follows up with explanation.
“It invites fewer questions. Fewer people poking their nose into where they're unwanted. We’re traveling up north to visit my younger brother, who’s getting married in a week. That’s the story we’ll stick to.” He offers you a simple smile and a pause to consider it.
Slowly, you roll the words coming to mind over in your mouth before vocalizing them.
“Is that truly where we’re headed? North?”
The knight shifts his weight from one foot to the other. His gaze shifts, cautious, from you to the horses to the inn, which makes you squirm, impatient and nervous.
“You do realize you’re going to have to tell me eventually? I still have not a clue what I need to do for—” You hush your voice into a whisper before finishing, “The hundred thousand Dragons.”
Mingyu’s eyes stretch wide. “Gods. A hundred thousand?”
You scrutinize the knight and find not an ounce of falsity, which then makes you frown, puzzled. “Aren’t you the one paying for this job?”
He splutters, incredulous, and the noise makes the horses behind him shift, skittish. Mingyu turns briefly to coo some words of comfort to the spooked creatures before returning to address your own confusion.
“I’m a knight, not a goldsmith.” He avoids a definite answer and pauses to scratch his nape, muttering to himself more than to you. “Yeah, actually that makes a lot of sense.”
“What does?”
Mingyu breathes a weak laugh with a quick shake of his head. You watch, exasperated, as he doesn’t give an answer, yet again. The knight wrings his hands together, sucks a sharp breath in, and then rolls his shoulders back to straighten his posture.
“I’m starving. Let’s go in, and we’ll talk after supper, hm?”
You roll your eyes, but your stomach pangs at the thought of eating. With a quiet huff, you give him a curt nod and make for the entrance to the inn. Before you can reach for the door, Mingyu stops you with an outstretched fist and a quiet murmur.
“Hold out your hand.”
You do as he says, and he drops something, small and light, into your palm. Without another word, he brushes past you and into the inn’s light and warmth.
You look down to find a golden ring, warmed by the heat of Mingyu’s skin, cupped in the center of your hand. You pinch it between your fingers and lift it in inspection, finding it to be a signet ring, much like the ones that the truebred members of the noble Houses wear. On the outer facet, there is a coat of arms engraved into the metal: a simple image of a wolf, reared on its hind legs, stretched upwards as it reaches to snatch a star between its parted jaws.
Something strange and ominous stirs in the pit of your stomach, but you shove the feeling away hastily. You try the ring, crafted for a man’s hand, on each left finger, finding that it fits best on your thickest, before following the knight inside.
By the time you catch up with Mingyu, he’s already leaned over the counter, chin in his hand, propped onto a crooked elbow. The woman on the other side of the bar looks halfway bewitched by the knight already, round cheeks flushed pink and eyes glittering as she hangs off of every word he speaks. When you sidle up beside him quietly, Mingyu tucks his head down to look at you, mouth curled into a languid, feline grin.
“Hi, love,” he murmurs, gaze snagging on your newly ringed finger when you brace your hands against the counter to steady yourself on your quivering legs. “Beth here was just getting us situated in a room for the night.”
Beth, to her credit, recovers swiftly from her trance, straightening up as she sweeps her palms over her reddened face. “Oh! Yes!” She chirps, reaching beneath the counter to dig around until she produces a large brass key on an iron hoop and hands it over to the knight, who rewards her with a beam and a wink. The woman returns it with a watery smile, glance sliding from him to you timidly. “It’ll be the farthest room on the right side. Second floor. Anything else I can help you both with?”
“Yes, actually, darling. Two bowls of whatever stew you’ve got tonight, and some bread, please.” Mingyu passes over the key to you, motioning his chin over to the staircase in the far corner of the room. “Why don’t you head up first, love? I’ll be right there with supper.”
You nod, eager to escape this awkward mimicry of marriage. Ignoring the strain in your thighs, you bound up the uneven wooden stairs, two steps at a time, and all but collapse into the room that you’ve been assigned. It’s a small space with only a single window, glass frosted over from a lack of regular cleaning, but the door locks—at the doorknob and the deadbolt—and there are two bedrolls folded up in the simple wardrobe, hewn roughly out of raw, unfinished wood. It’s more than enough to serve you for a night.
You grimace as you lower yourself to the floor. There’s a deep ache that pulses with every heartbeat in your lower joints that you fruitlessly rub at with your fingers. You’ve been sitting nearly the entire day, but even your feet and ankles seem to hurt. For the first time in a long while, you’re so exhausted that your eyes prick and burn with the first signs of tears, but the doorknob turns and you quickly swipe your sleeve over your face to chase them away.
“That was easy enough,” Mingyu hums, pleased, as he kicks the door shut behind him. He carries huge ceramic bowls in each hand and has a loaf tucked between his side and arm, which you reach over to take from him. He offers you a grateful smile, which makes his cheeks dimple, and you avert your gaze away, accepting your bowl of stew through your peripheral vision.
You eat in hurried silence, huffing when impatience leads to a burnt tongue. The stew is nothing profound, just carrots and potatoes and the occasional chicken bone, but it’s hot and bracing, especially when you soak pieces of the bread in it. You only make it through half of your portion before your stomach feels tight and bloated, but Mingyu’s already scraping his spoon down to the last few mouthfuls of his, eyeing your leftovers politely. Without a word, you hand your bowl over to him, and he happily takes it, flashing more of his dimples your way.
While Mingyu finishes his meal, you slip out from the room and amble down the corridor in search of a washing basin. You discover a bucket of water, cold but clean enough, and wash your hands and face with it, scrubbing at the dirt that has caked into the lines of your palms. As you wash, the golden ring on your finger flashes every so often beneath the moonlight filtering through the hallway windows. Aside from your starsteel dagger that you wear permanently on your hip, you’ve never owned something beautiful, let alone jewelry, before, so you take a brief moment to delight at the smooth burnished gold. It’s soft and warm to the touch, nothing like the rings that people in the Troughs get married with, fashioned out of rough strips of tin sheets leftover from repair jobs. It’s beautiful, even despite the image of the wolf swallowing a star, and you almost loathe the thought of having to give it back.
You return to the room and find Mingyu in a crouch at the corner of the room, stoking a fire in the hearth. It’s small, contained, and provides a much needed warmth, but you eye it with caution, all the same. You don’t trust fire, not since it took your parents from you.
The knight has set out the bedrolls with ample distance between the two, gesturing you towards the one closer to the hearth. It’s a kind courtesy that he offers you, but you tremble at the thought of sleeping so close to an unguarded flame. You shake your head and mumble, “You can have that one. I get hot easily.”
Mingyu tilts his head curiously but doesn’t press the matter. You fold your legs and sit onto your claimed bedroll, pulling your cloak from your shoulders to use as a blanket to cover your lap. “So,” you prompt quietly, “Are you going to tell me about the job now?”
The knight chews on his lip, but he can’t avoid the topic any longer. He leans back onto his own bedroll, crossing his legs before him. You wait patiently, twisting the golden ring around and around on your finger, for Mingyu to speak. When he does start, his voice comes low and guarded, suddenly grave and unlike his lively self.
“To answer your earlier question, we are headed up north, yes. At its core, the job requires us to infiltrate a facility and retrieve a…package.”
You lean back onto an arm. Slowly, you consider, “Alright. Infiltration and retrieval. I’m familiar with both tasks; I’ve done them before, for Soonyoung.” Saying the barkeep’s name makes your heart clench painfully. You hold the ache there for a moment and then promptly force it away.
The knight shakes his head. “It’ll be different. Remember, the request comes from a high place—a hundred thousand Dragons, for gods’ sakes.” He hesitates, breath catching several times in his throat, before revealing, “We’re going to break someone out from Taebaek.”
You freeze in place. Nobody truly knows where Taebaek, the most renowed, high-security prison of the kingdom, is located, save for the jailers who are tasked with transporting the residents in. Of course, people in the Troughs love their fables, and you’ve heard enough of them to conjure up an idea of what Taebaek might look like. A giant, sprawling fortress high up in the Northern Mountains, where its silent gray walls stand against frigid and wintery winds year round. Where warmth and sound and hope dies, choked away by the stifling cold.
Even worse than its harsh location and surroundings, you’ve only heard of Taebaek in the context of the most vile, reprehensible crimes and criminals. It’s where kingkillers and kinslayers were locked away, until their breaths stopped, flesh rotted, and bones dissolved. The most recent of rumors claimed that the former queen mother had been banished there after poisoning and slaying her own son and grandson, the late Crown and the crown prince, respectively. Prisoners entered Taebaek; they were never meant to come back out.
Your mouth goes dry. Only now comes the reckoning of what is required of you to be paid a lifetime’s worth of Dragons. You should have known that it would be incomparable to taking the life of a magistrate. You should have known that it would require an impossible feat to be accomplished.
Quietly, you run the numbers in your head. The number of the coins you counted earlier this morning haven’t changed. Maybe you could steal the knight’s coin purse in the night and run off. If you took Snowdrop, that is, if she trusted you enough to let you, you might be able to escape to the next town over and buy some time to disappear. Your gaze catches on the gold ring; you could pawn it off for a handsome price but only if the heraldry wouldn’t be traced back to Mingyu. Doubtful.
Mingyu. He’s a knight—the Sun Knight—for all the gods’ sakes. There’s no way that you’ll manage to escape from him.
Your mind supplies nothing helpful, aside from a string of curses. At this point, your fate lies in either dying while breaking into and out of Taebaek or while running from the Sun Knight. You mouth one of these curses out silently and pray to all the gods that your soul will haunt Kwon Soonyoung in the afterlife.
“Fret not, dear Owl,” Mingyu’s voice, energetic and chipper once more, breaks you from your reverie. “We have a plan, nearly foolproof, and as long as we follow it precisely, you should be walking away with your pockets overflowing.”
You shoot over a glare, too weary to retort. Tomorrow, you’ll tackle your thoughts once more with a clearer head and fresh eyes, but for tonight, you want nothing more than to sit in silence, unthinking, unfeeling.
“Enough for now. We can discuss more on the road.” Mingyu suggests gently, as he reaches for his cloak and starts balling it up. He gives you a sideways glance, mouth twisting as he quips, “Do you stay up all night like an owl as well?”
You snort. “I sleep as much as I need to.”
“And how much is that?”
A heartbeat passes, and you admit quietly, “Not much.”
Mingyu flops down and stretches out onto his back, limbs so long that his feet poke out past the bedroll. He shoves his bundled cloak beneath his head and sighs, loud and exaggerated, “Well, I need plenty. Good night, Owl.”
“Good night.”
You hug your knees loosely, watching the fire as it dances. Within moments, Mingyu’s ragged breathing grows smooth and even, chest rising and falling steadily. Slackened from sleep, the Sun Knight’s youthful face looks even younger, and faintly, you wonder how long he’s been knighted for. Never mind that. You quickly catch yourself thinking and add it to your list of curiosities that won’t matter for much longer.
You stare at the fire, imagining death, wondering if your parents will come find you at the end or if they’re still upset at you over their own, until it dies down into a few smoldering embers and a pile of ash. Only then do you feel relieved enough to rest, curling up on your side. The bedroll is so thin that you can feel every groove of the wooden slats beneath you, but it doesn’t bother you for long, as sleep steals you away in an instant.
-
“Still haven’t made friends, you two?”
The sun has barely started its ascent, hidden mostly by the distant mountains, but Mingyu looks bright-eyed and rested as he joins you out by the horses. He greets Summer with an apple, split into halves, chuckling as he watches you sidestep Snowdrop to access her saddlebags.
“She’s eeriely quiet,” you mumble, conscious of Snowdrop’s ear flicking, as if she might understand your words, “Like a ghost.”
Unlike Summer, who seems to have a personality as large as her owner’s, Snowdrop keeps to herself, watching everything through her huge black eyes. You feel like she’s constantly observing and listening, and you wonder how much of the world she beholds in her beast’s mind.
The knight laughs again. “Her rider requires stealth and silence, and she makes the perfect partner in that regard. She’s plenty sweet, though, you’ll see. Just needs to warm up to strangers first, hm?” He leans over close to offer the other halved apple to the pale horse, who takes it between her teeth gingerly and crunches away.
You peer thoughtfully as Snowdrop chews. She only uses her lips to pick up the pieces of fruit that fall back into Mingyu’s hand and sweeps a large tongue gently over his palm when no more apples seem to appear for her. The knight pokes his own tongue out and mock gags at the slick slide of saliva on his hand, but you can read the fondness plain on his face. It’s remarkable and strange, how someone can have so much affection for even animals. The only creatures you had encountered in the Troughs were massive rats and tiny pigeons, all caked in grime and begging for scraps that you couldn’t afford to give up.
You turn away to rummage through your belongings and pull the larger loaf out from its paper wrapping. Despite Soonyoung’s instructions, you know that the bread will keep for longer when left intact. Better to share a loaf and keep the other whole for as long as possible. You tug your dagger from its sheathe and slice the bread in two, passing over one half to the knight and wrapping your own back up in the parchment.
Mingyu’s sharp eyes miss nothing. “Thanks. That’s a handsome blade. Is it starsteel?”
You nod, affirmative, a little sheepish at being perceived. “It’s the only nice thing that I’ve ever bought for myself.” Even though it belongs to you, you still marvel at the beauty of it, turning it over in your palm and delighting in its perfectly balanced weight. The blade flashes bright, even in the dim lighting of dawn, pale silver that could nearly be white, streaked with blue-black, like veins of midnight ink. The handle itself is simple and ivory, carved out of some creature’s bone and sanded smooth to the touch.
“Hopefully the first of many,” is Mingyu’s light response. His words sound genuine, and his easy optimism is bolstering. You want to believe him, want to hold onto hope that this job will be completed without mishap and that you’ll be able to return home, to The Dancing Spider. “All good blades have a name. Did you give it one?”
You reply softly, “Feather.”
“Owl’s Feather. Clever.”
Mingyu’s cheek is dimpling again, pointed teeth flashing white between his lips, so you resolutely look away to fasten Snowdrop’s saddlebag straps tightly, tuck your dagger back onto your hip, and hook your foot up and into a stirrup. Your joints are still sore from the previous day, but the brief stretch you’d conducted earlier has done you some good. You’d risen this morning and had managed to sit on your bedroll sullenly while contemplating most of your life decisions, wash up, dress, and give your stiffened muscles a good, long stretch, all before the knight even started stirring beneath his covers.
By the time you’re fully lifted up and settled in your saddle without swaying too forward or backward, Mingyu’s in his seat, nibbling at his bread. He cranes his neck from left to right, glancing up to the sky and then back towards the horizon.
“Seems like the weather will be fair today,” he notes, taking another chunk out of the loaf and chewing thoughtfully. “We’re still a few days out from the foot of the mountains, so we should gradually adjust to the temperature and altitude changes. Ready, Owl?”
Your only response is a firm nod, to which he smiles, quick and easy.
Mornings brighten into days, and on and on you travel behind the knight, veering off of the road and towards a tavern or inn only when dusk swarms and chokes out the light. Mingyu’s effortlessly sanguine, humming and whistling, unaware of your own misery. His energy is unflagging, and his bright grins and hearty laughter steadfast against your quiet reluctance to let him in.
By the fifth day, you’ve grown all but silent, made heavy with exhaustion, hunger, doubt. The longer you’re on the road with no end in sight, the more Mingyu’s enthusiasm grates away at your nerves, turning them raw and bare. You nibble at the last husk of Soonyoung’s bread, which has already turned stale and tough, forehead tucked against the back of Snowdrop’s neck in a weary attempt to block the incessant sun out of your face. Even with your hood permanently pulled over your head, your cheeks sting to the touch, burnished by the long days on horseback. Mingyu, of course, looks untouched, and in fact, to your chagrin, the exposure to sun has only deepened the tone of his skin, turning him impeccably gilded.
You think that by now, you’ve somewhat picked up on Snowdrop’s mannerisms and gotten used to what’s normal and what’s not. You peer up, curious, to find that her ears are pricked high and that the previously lax reins in your hands feel heavier. Gnawing at your bottom lip nervously, you reach up to run the back of your knuckles along her mane, but she only flicks an ear in response, impatiently dismissive. Astute as ever, Mingyu tips his head backward to peer over at you struggling to return your mount’s pace to even.
“Ah,” the knight muses, seeming a little contrite for not have noticing whatever the issue is earlier, “She’s just fidgety. We’re moving much slower than she’s used to.”
You consider this and give Snowdrop another regretful pat to the neck, “For my sake, I’m sure.”
Mingyu laughs, one of those airy giggles of his that makes your spine straighten, and gives a shake of his head, which shifts his hair down into his eyes. The sun, bright and warm overhead, makes him glow, and your stomach pangs at the sight.
“If she went at her desired pace, even I would be knocked off of her back, I’m afraid.” The knight grins when you shoot him a look of surprise. Something conspiratorial flickers over his face as he thinks. “Are you a little more confident in your riding now?”
You scrutinize the knight before giving him a careful nod.
Mingyu balls his reins into his left hand and reaches a palm over to Snowdrop, letting the pale horse sniff at his fingers. He pats her nose gently and clicks his tongue twice, to which her ears flick rapidly. Beneath your thighs, you feel the muscles of her back shift and thrum with excitement.
“Press your knees in harder than you have been so far,” the knight instructs in a soft but assured voice. “Snowdrop knows not to push too hard with riders who aren’t her own. She won’t let you fall.”
You grip tight at the reins, squirming in your saddle anxiously. “Truthfully?”
Mingyu nods, firm, gaze molten and certain. “Promise, Owl. On a knight’s honor.”
Before you can dwell too long on it, you close your knees, firm against Snowdrop’s sides. Unlike anything you’ve seen from her in the past few days, the horse darts forward, controlled and precise still. She cleaves through the air, silver mane fluttering back towards you. Briefly, you panic, feeling the rest of the world lurch forth, while your body wants to remain stationary, but you hastily loosen your muscles, sucking in a cold breath to reset your nerves. Like Mingyu said, you can nearly feel the discipline in Snowdrop’s entire being, and you mourn your inability to relieve it for her. Wind rushes at and around you, throwing your hood off of your head and whipping your hair into your face. It’s terrifying and foreign and unsteady, but something giddy bubbles in your stomach and wrenches itself from your throat in the form of a trill, unrestrained and free.
A hearty hoot responds from behind you, pitched high with excitement. You don’t trust yourself to look back, so you grin wide at the road before you until your cheeks ache from the strain.
Snowdrop gallops for a few more yards, then brings herself back down to a moderate trot. You gasp to catch your breath, but only the heightened thrumming of her heartbeat against your legs suggests that the magnificent beast beneath you has exerted any effort.
“How was that?” Mingyu trots up easily beside you, Summer’s hooves neatly clipping along the road as she matches your pace. He smiles as if he knows your answer already. When he turns his face to glance at you, the sun dapples him golden.
You respond, a little breathless now and wholly entranced, “It felt like flying.”
“Closest thing to flying there is,” the knight agrees.
You want it. You desire it so greedily and like nothing before that your stomach aches with longing.
“When I am rich,” you make up your mind, “the first thing I will buy is the ability to fly.”
Mingyu laughs, chin tipped back, corners of his eyes wrinkled. Not mocking, not rude, but unbridled and full of joy.
You stare and stare, near bursting with want.
-
“Handsome lad you’ve got.”
You blink your eyes wide before remembering that you’re meant to be playing along with Mingyu’s disguise. Said lad lingers at the corner of the farmstand, resolutely turned away as he rolls a few apples in his palm, but you’ve been on the road with him for a few days now and you’ve learned what it looks like when he’s pretending not to be listening.
“Ah,” you muse, picking through the basket of shelled walnuts, half of your attention on the vendor, the other half sliding over to Mingyu as you shrug. “If you say so.”
The knight gives a tiny noise, akin to an indignant wheeze, and you smile into the collar of your cloak, shifting to add a handful of walnuts to the basket of fruit he holds. You turn away to duck beneath the tarp, and retreat back outside to where the horses are, leaving Mingyu to try, and fail, to haggle. He’s much too nice to be any good at it.
Both mounts lift their heads at your exit. Summer snorts and dips her snout back down to mindlessly nibble at the grass when she realizes that you aren’t Mingyu. Snowdrop, on the other hand, keeps her eyes trained on you as you approach, stare pinned to where you hide your hand behind your hip.
“Clever girl,” you muse, pulling out a pear that you snagged off the stand and into a pocket while the vendor spent her sweet time ogling Mingyu. Snowdrop’s soft nose tickles your palm as she takes the fruit into her mouth, and you breathe a laugh at how gentle she is, even as she promptly crunches away at her favorite snack. Summer has noticed, and she regards you ruefully, with as much distaste as when she realized you weren’t her rider, if not more. “Don’t tell him I’m playing favorites,” you whisper to the pale horse, just as Mingyu makes his appearance from the tent.
He wears a scowl. Unsuccessful yet again, it seems.
“Any luck?” You tease.
“Oh, whatever. Let’s get a move on.”
Ten minutes from the farmstand, the road crooks towards a grove of thick, gnarled trees. The cluster has grown so densely that you can barely see ahead through the shadows. Snowdrop’s certain gait slows a bit, ears flicking nervously, which does nothing to still your own roiling stomach. Mingyu and Summer, though similarly tense, continue forth, so you follow.
You’ve barely made it past the edge and fully into the grove, when the shadows shift with the motion of others. Your eyes, still adjusting to the lack of light, rove rapidly, catching sight of people. All men, judging by their builds. All starving bandits, judging by their dark, tattered clothing. Summer comes to a halt, Snowdrop quickly copying, when a handful of men spill out of the darkness and onto the path ahead.
Mingyu clears his throat softly. His head tips loosely to the side, bluffing curiosity, but you can read from the line of his shoulders that he has instantly shifted into caution. He slides down from his seat, landing silently on his feet. There’s a sudden feline shape to his movements, graceful and elegant and lethal, as he straightens his spine and swivels his head to sweep his sharpened gaze over the men from one end to the other. You watch, captivated, as you realize that this must be the famed training of Crownsland knights in action.
The bandits, though not as analytical as your eyes, must notice that there’s something different, something dangerous about him. The biggest man who has taken up the lead is a head shorter than Mingyu but just as wide and even burlier. He rolls his own shoulders back and tips his head back in a forced swagger.
“Yer a knight, aren’t ya?”
Mingyu’s mask of polite confusion nearly slips, as a twitch catches his brow. “I beg your pardon?”
“Tall, sturdy man like yerself,” another of the men takes a few bold steps forward, scarred mouth pulling into a smile that looks more like a sneer. “You’d be wasted on anything besides knighthood.”
Mingyu laughs, genial and smooth, voice like warm velvet. He softens his tongue to roll his syllables, lets his lisp come off stronger to feign innocence. “You’re much too kind. Sorry to disappoint, but I’m only a stablehand. My master has kindly allowed my wife and me to borrow some horses to travel for my brother’s wedding.” For the past few days, he’d been traveling covertly with his sword tucked away into his saddle sack; you wonder how quickly he’ll be able to get to it. You watch with a trained eye as he steps closer to Summer, who has become restless and anxious, smoothing a palm over her throat while simultaneously flicking the saddlebags open with a hidden hand. The sphere pommel of his blade pokes out tantalizingly. “We best be on our way, if we’re to make it there by tomorrow.”
The big man at the front drops his smile, snake’s eyes flicking from you to Mingyu with a malice so cold and sudden that an involuntary shiver runs up your nape.
“Sure. But you best leave us yer horse. Big one you’ve got there.”
A slow, quiet breath escapes between Mingyu’s gritted teeth. Though the knight maintains his courtly facade, the kindness has faded. The bandits are clever enough to notice, perhaps not the anger that has started to twinge at his jaw but at least the palpable shift in the air, and they shuffle their weights onto their opposite foot, hands anxiously twitching in the direction of their weapons. This, however, they are too clumsy to obscure.
You take stock of it all. They carry tools as makeshift weapons; kitchen cleavers, cattle prods, furnace stokers. They’re clearly not men meant for killing, just men driven by desperation to do it. There’s a strange buzz at the base of your skull as you realize, you are not so different from these bandits.
A rare flutter of empathy has you tipping over the side of Snowdrop to drop to your feet. You reach to circle your fingers over Mingyu’s arm. There’s a tension that pulses in his bicep that you can feel against your fingertips, even through the layers of his clothes. You play your part of a frightened wife faithfully, with a soft murmur, “Come, dearest. The horse isn’t worth our safety.”
The pet name comes off your tongue clumsily, but you hope that the stumble over your words and the tremor in your throat can be attributed to anxiety over the situation. You hope that these men are desperate and nothing more. That they will leave you alone once they have what they want. Already, your mind stirs with the skeleton of a plan to retrieve Summer back. You can let them walk away with her, and then trail after them, steal her back under the cover of night. Please, you think the word as loudly as you can, hoping that it will be heard by the bandits.
Your hope dies as quickly as it had risen, when you watch the man’s thoughtful gaze spoil into something vile.
“Leave the knight. Maybe we can sell ‘im for ransom. Looks important enough for good pay.”
“Certainly pretty enough,” one of the ugly men from behind sneers, which makes the whole brood of bandits chuckle in gravelly unison.
You shift your feet beneath you silently, fingers already itching towards your belt, when the giant man’s mirthless gaze turns to flint as it lands back on you. There’s a moment of contemplation that hardens into distaste.
“Kill his whore.”
The heavy scrape of starsteel against its scabbard is the only permission you receive from the knight before you launch forward. Feather settles into your grateful palm, its weight practiced and comfortable and ready, as you reach the bandit closest to you. His dark eyes light up with alarm only as you pull your blade from his neck slickly, swivelling to seek out the next. By this point, most of the others have roused from the surprise and are pulling their own weapons, with the quickest already in motion.
A glance confirms that Mingyu’s holding off most of the biggest men on his own. He twirls away as the bandit he just cut down collapses towards him, then effortlessly connects his movements into skewering another by the stomach. He fights like he’s dancing, having made even the act of killing into something beautiful.
Your throat aches. Tearing your gaze away from the knight, you dip into a crouch, scarcely avoiding the swing of a club aimed at your head, then use the momentum to kick off the ground, dagger aimed at the assailant’s throat. You end up leaping a bit higher than anticipated, and Feather lodges into the soft bit right beneath the point of the man’s chin. He chokes on his own blood.
You continue, on and on, like this, dodging and lunging. Your legs hurt, your arms hurt, your stomach hurts. You move, terrified that if you stop, you’ll be cut dead. Exhaustion catches up in no time, like a persistent shadow. The beast inside your head roils, fighting to keep the adrenaline dialed at its highest, to survive. The mortal restricted to your body falters, panting raggedly to suck in breaths that don’t come, won’t come.
“Was that the first time you’ve killed?”
It takes a moment to realize, past the ringing in your ears, that Mingyu is speaking to you. Another few heartbeats to pass until you realize that the danger is no more. He stands tall and broad and strung tight with the lingering haze of battle but no longer in motion. With his left hand, he flicks his sword in an attempt to shake the slick sheen of blood clinging to the edge onto the grass below. It’s made of starsteel, the blade nearly your dagger’s larger twin.
All around the both of you are men’s bodies, crumpled and lifeless like forest litter. You count seven in total, two of which you add to your list of stolen lives. The men felled by Mingyu are in rougher shape than your own. Despite the shiver prickling up your nape at the thought of Mingyu’s artful killing, you’re more than grateful that he was here with you.
You suck in air, hiss it out through your teeth, repeat this a few times until your lungs remember how to breathe again without thinking about it. Only when you catch your breath, you shake your head in response, gaze catching on your palms, still trembling, slick with blood. It’s always haunting to realize how bloody fighting with a dagger gets.
Mingyu nods. You notice him staring for a prolonged time and wonder what he seeks from you. Finally, he sinks to a crouch beside one of the dead men and bows his head, lips forming a string of silent words. You watch as he remains in his stance for a few moments before realizing that he’s praying.
“You pray?”
Mingyu lifts his head, eyes still shut as he answers, “Only for the dead. They’re meeting the gods to receive judgment now; they’ll need all the prayer they can get.”
You don’t respond. The knight clears his throat and rises back onto his feet. Once fully straightened, he turns your way and closes the distance, pausing only a few steps before you. The feline tension bleeds away, leaving only the man, eyes creased with unease. Mingyu reaches to hold his hands out, bracketing yours without touching.
“You’re shaking, Owl.” He murmurs, not mocking, just quietly concerned.
“Yeah,” you grunt, curling your fingers into your palms. Even balled into fists, your hands tremor incessantly. “Yeah, this happened the first time, too. Lasted for days.” More to yourself than to him, you mumble, “It’ll pass.”
Mingyu considers this silently. When you steal a quick look at him, his brow is furrowed, lips twisted into a steely frown. It’s an incompatible expression on his usual smiling face. Faintly, you add this to a list of things that you hate. There’s a heavier set to the knight’s shoulders and the line of his mouth, though you’re not sure if it’s because of the bandits or because of you. He looks like he wants to say more, but there’s no time to dither.
The two of you scour through the bodies, Mingyu for gear and tools that look untouched enough, you for coin purses and other shiny things. Despite your quivering hands, your work is quick but meticulous. Within heartbeats, your pockets have swelled exponentially. Within the next hour, you’re back on the road, making scarce of the dark forest, riders and mounts both silent with fading adrenaline and heightened vigilance.
Hours later, the horses stop sweating, breath crystallizes into vapor, and your fingers start to stiffen at the knuckles. The horses’ hooves clomp louder, sharper against the hard, packed earth, and the ground is layered with snow that sticks and doesn’t melt. From ahead, you watch Mingyu slow Summer’s gait as he tilts down to pull a wolfskin cloak from his saddle sack. He hums, content, as he fastens it around his shoulders. They pick their pace back up.
You shift anxiously, as the cold begins to seep into your own clothes. This is the farthest north you’ve ever been already, and the coldest air you’ve breathed yet. All you can do is pull your gloves from your pocket, the deerskin pair that you pilferred from a particularly obnoxious marketplace merchant a few years back. They’re worn from use and meant for work more than for warmth, but they keep your hands covered against the immediate chill. You hunker down in your saddle and pull your hood higher, gripping your cloak by the worn hem and pulling it tighter against yourself to block out the wind.
“Alright back there?”
Your shoulders stiffen, straight as a rod. Mingyu’s still riding easily ahead, but he crooks his chin over his shoulder to puzzle at your disgruntled slump. The world up here is brighter from the snow blanketing everything, the colors more vivid. The knight’s eyes gleam chestnut, his skin golden, the velvet of his doublet crimson, and the fur of his wolfskin midnight. He keeps his sword on his hip now, favoring caution over stealth. For the briefest of moments, you see him as a knight out of stories, valiant and heroic, haloed by the sun like a prince among soldiers. The type of stories that your father would recite you to sleep with and your mother would sing about as she tended to the owlery. The type of stories you once believed in.
Mingyu’s brow furrows at your lack of response, and you hurriedly jerk your chin into a nod.
“Fine, Knight.”
He eyes you for a moment longer, mouth pursing as if he itches to debate, but turns back around to the road ahead. You stare hard at his back, before relaxing once you’re no longer under his scrutiny. You ride for several more silent moments, gritting your molars together to keep them from chattering.
“Stubborn Owl,” Mingyu’s grumble rouses you from your misery, and it’s only then that you realize that Snowdrop has stopped walking. Barely ahead, Summer stamps her hooves in place, huffing from the cold, as her rider rummages through her bags again. Mingyu pulls another pelt, creamy white in contrast to his, and leans backwards to reach it over to you.
Without protest, you accept the cloak, near hissing with relief at the warmth that it immediately brings. You tug it over your shoulders and fasten the clasp, scrunching your nose as the soft furs tickle at your jaw.
“Thank you,” you breathe, too relieved for shame.
Mingyu nods. Then, frustration tugs at his mouth. “There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, you know.”
You shut your eyes with a quick shake of your head.
“Yeah. I’m working on it.”
-
Exactly one week after leaving The Dancing Spider, you arrive at your final rest stop before Taebaek’s gates. Mingyu doesn’t call it so explicitly, but you can tell from the decreased speed with which his jokes come through, from the crease at the corners of his mouth that now frowns too much. He slows into an approach, slides off of Summer with a curt, stifled grunt. He only looks at you through fleeting sweeps of his troubled eyes, as if guilty of something.
There’s no inn this high up the mountains, only a dugout of snow that has piled up taller than Mingyu himself, sheltered by sparse, dying trees.
You work quietly beside one another; Mingyu digging a hole that can house a fire, you tying the horses up nearby and offering them water and fruit. The cold weighs your limbs down, making you move sluggishly. At least, that’s what you tell yourself, as you linger at Snowdrop’s side, pressing your forehead against her mane that smells strongly of earth and faintly of sunlight and lavender, like a happy memory. Silent as ever, she doesn’t even shift as she lets you cling to her to retain any semblence of hope and warmth.
When you return to the dugout, Mingyu sits in front of a living fire, shadows flickering over a pensive frown. It leeches the youth from his face, leaving only a foreign, solemn knight, hewn of cold steel. You hate the sight of it.
“I think Snowdrop thinks of me as a friend now,” you try to call lightly, pushing your lips sideways into a quirk.
Mingyu looks up but doesn’t say anything. Just hands over a few sticks of dried meat that he’s been holding over the fire to warm them. He watches warily as you accept them and find a dry spot to sit across from him, far from the edge of the fire but close enough to feel the warmth of the flames. You pull your legs up and hug them to your chest, chin tucked up onto a knee.
“We reach Taebaek tomorrow,” the knight’s voice catches in the middle of his throat. There’s a slight quiver in his breath as he draws cold air in. “I need to make sure before I tell you the plan. You’re still willing to do this?”
You choke on a laugh that sounds more like a bark. “We’re at its gates. Do I have a choice this far in?”
Something regretful darkens his gaze. You don’t have to hear an answer to know what he thinks. You shrug and lift a stick of jerky to gnaw at it absently.
Finally, Mingyu bolsters himself, hands clutched together above the fire, as if in prayer. You can almost imagine him at the head of a war table, brow knitted together in thought as he discusses strategies with other great knights. You want to imagine him as the Sun Knight, in full armor with his proper colors and heraldry. Instead, all you can see is a husk of the Mingyu that you’ve come to understand, drained of all mirth and clinging to hope and faith. You try not to recall that he only prays for the dead. You look away, heart bleeding, to stare at the flames instead.
“We’ll come to the gates under the guise as the Sun Knight and his prisoner. You’ll go in as an inmate. There is a man named Angel inside. He’s the package that we’re meant to retrieve.”
This much, you already suspected. You tuck the name safely away in your mind. “What does he look like? How will I know who he is?”
“There will be a code exchange to confirm one another’s identity. I cannot give you anything more than that. My orders were to tell you as little as I can. It’s the only way we can ensure that the plan will be successful while protecting you as much as possible. The less you know, the safer you are. Your only instructions are to memorize the exact path that you’re taken inside by the guards, so that once he’s ready, you can lead Angel out. Do you think you can do that?”
“Yes.”
Mingyu hesitates. He unclasps his fingers to pick nervously at his nails. “There’s no room for failure.”
You jerk your chin up, fiercely defiant. You’ve been living a life that gave you no room for failure. “I forget nothing.”
Only then does Mingyu’s creased mouth soften into a fading memory of a smile. “Good. Soonyoung told us that. That’s why he recommended you.”
The sudden mention of your friend threatens to unravel your resolve. Swiftly, you tuck the flare of emotion away, squaring your jaw to insist instead, “Hit me.”
“What?”
You would laugh at the pitch that Mingyu’s voice reaches and the size that his eyes widen to.
“Hit me,” you repeat. “Aren’t I supposed to be your prisoner? I’m in too pristine of a state for that to be believable.”
Mingyu snorts, incredulous, and remains in his seat. “Knights do not harm the innocent. We protect them.” He says this gently, like a reverent mantra.
“Even if you’re given a reason to?” You rise to your feet and cross over to the other side of the fire, letting your fingers dance over Feather for show. “And I’m not innocent. Harm away.” A moment of doubt flickers past you, so you quickly add on, “Leave me my teeth, please.”
“There’s no need for all this.” Mingyu climbs to his feet too and shuffles a few steps backwards, away from you. He chuckles lightly, but his brow twinges, uncomfortable. “Just take the wolfpelt off and rub some dirt on your face.”
“I’m risking my life for this job. We’re doing it thoroughly. This job has become everything to me. We can’t risk failure, not now, when we’re this close. I won’t go back to begging for scraps.”
“You wouldn’t have to—”
“Or else what? I go back to leeching off of Soonyoung’s kindness for the rest of my life? You, the Sun Knight, will sponsor me, a nobody from the Troughs?” Your words fly off of your tongue, furious and frantic now. “People like you will never understand what it’s like. It’s easy for you to be happy and hopeful because it’s all you’ve ever known in your life. You’ll never know what it’s like to fall asleep praying every night that the gods will have mercy on me, so that I won’t wake up in the morning and can finally be rid of it all.”
You finally understand why despite his size and his intelligence and his capabilities, Mingyu still seems like such a boy to you. He carries a boundless idealism for the world, despite all of its faults. His eyes gleam with childlike wonder, especially when the light catches his face. You wish—gods, you wish—that you could have even half of the same optimism, but that chance for hope has died for you, that same day that your world burned up at your hands.
“Besides, you’re the one who said that there’s no room for failure. Don’t act timid now, Knight.”
You don’t mean it, not really, and Mingyu doesn’t deserve any of these terrible words, but your voice continues to ring off of the surrounding cliffs, even as the fight bleeds out from you. You can’t bear to look at him anymore, so you avert your eyes lower, to his hard, frowning mouth.
Mingyu’s nice. Too nice. How can a person be too damn nice? People in the Troughs don’t have room for being kind or generous. It’s disarming. You don’t know how to respond. So you give his chest a weak push with both palms, hissing without venom. He doesn’t even budge.
“Hit me.”
You close your eyes, just before his fist meets your jaw.
-
When light hits Feather’s blade at just the right angle, the silver turns into a mirror.
You hold the dagger up at eye level now, turning it this way and that in inspection. As you’ve gotten older, you’ve fallen into the habit of not staring at reflections for too long, always scared that you’ll find your mother’s or father’s face in your own, even more terrified of seeing and not recognizing them.
Mingyu has done good work, though he has turned sullen and sulks from the opposite side of the dugout as you. Your bottom lip weeps blood steadily from where it got split against your teeth, and there’s a large welt burgeoning over your left cheek bone. Your face throbs along with your heartbeat, and your jaw clicks every time it opens and closes.
Satisfied, you move onto the final thing on your mental list of preparation. You sheathe Feather, unclip your dagger from your belt, and tug the ring off of your left hand. Wistfully, you sweep your fingertips over Feather’s smooth bone handle and dip your thumb into the divot of the wolf ring. You’re reluctant to part with the two beautiful treasures that you’ve been honored to wear on your body, but you know that they’ll be kept safe in your absence. Before you can grow hesitant, you cross over to Mingyu and hand both to him, savoring the perfect heft of Feather in your palm one last time.
“I bequeath the blade to Soonyoung,” you murmur, staring up hard at Mingyu to confirm that he hears and understands. “If something were to happen to me.”
Something dark and thunderous flickers over his face, but he presses his mouth into a tight line and nods, firm. He takes both items from you; first, the ring, which slides onto his littlest finger, then Feather, which he handles with such reverence and care that you think he might love the blade as much as you do.
To your surprise, Mingyu produces something from his pocket and holds it out towards you. It’s another piece of jewelry, a tiny circular pendant wrought of silver on a thin chain. When you regard it, puzzled, all the knight offers is, “A talisman. For protection. The warden allows in whatever you wear on your body.”
You take the necklace. It weighs practically nothing, a thin slip of silver, but there is an etching of a bird—an owl, you recognize—with two tiny amethysts set into place as its eyes. Your nose burns as you blink rapidly down at it and sweep your palms quickly over your eyes in the same fluid motion as pulling the chain over your head.
“Thank you.”
For tonight, you’ll keep the white wolfpelt, devote the silken touch and its cloying warmth and the delicate lavender scent to memory to bring with you into the fortress. This small comfort you allow yourself.
Hours later, as midnight settles into its dominion, you hunch beneath your cloaks, minding the fire while stargazing, sat with your back against one of the tree stumps, head tilted up against the bark.
“I think I know why they call you Owl.”
You glance down, startled by the sudden voice.
From his end of the shelter, Mingyu’s no longer feigning sleep, turned over onto his side to look at you past the dying embers. The night is so black that it appears cobalt, but overhead, the moon glows, swollen with light. For once, the sky bathes Mingyu in silver and blue, the colors of the world you’d known before all this, the colors of your world. Fascinated, you stare, wordless for a moment longer than is expected. You think you much prefer the red and gold on him.
When you stir to your senses, you lean back onto your palms, curling your fingers into the cold dirt. You tip your head with a quiet retort, “I told you exactly why they call me Owl.”
The knight’s lips tug with tired amusement. “Maybe. But it’s only half the reason.”
You consider this, consider his mouth, full and carved and always twitching in mirth. What you’d do to trace the lines of them with your fingertips, if only to feel the craftsmanship of the gods. It could very well be your last days in this life, you think, bemused. You might as well do whatever you’d like.
Instead, you ball your hands, taking large fistfuls of dirt into them. Traitorous, ruinous hands that have only known how to steal and hurt and kill.
“Well, what’s the other half of the reason?”
Mingyu smiles, as if pleased to have been indulged. “Because when you’re watching the stars, especially on a night like tonight, I can see the moon rise in your eyes.”
-
“May I?”
You nod once, voice stolen away by anxiety.
The morning is as gray as the air that hangs low in the dugout. You’d found little to no sleep that night, so Mingyu had risen first, rousing you from the half-doze you’d managed with a gentle hand over your shoulder. When you jolted into sitting up, breath catching halfway up your throat, he’d shushed you gently, brows knitted together in concern. Without words, he’d handed you a mug of hot water and a halved apple, the last of your stores remaining from the farmstand, before retreating away to tend to the horses. He had returned with his sword fastened to his belt, carrying a spool of twine.
Head dipped, you watch quietly as Mingyu reaches for your arms, holding both wrists in one hand, using the other to loop a length of rough twine around them. He leaves no slack, winding and knotting the rope so tight that it leaves deep indents where it lies against your skin. Once he’s done, he ghosts his fingers over the backs of your hands as he pulls away, which you try not to shiver at.
You shift your weight, ready to turn away back towards the road, when Mingyu takes a half step closer, shortening the distance between. He doesn’t touch, only hums a short note, so that your attention snags upwards, towards his face. Mingyu’s gaze burns as it flits over your eyes, the bruise on your cheek, the split in your lip. He reaches a hand up, hovering it just beneath your jaw in silent question.
It could be the last day of your life. So you answer, tilting your head just slightly so that your cheek brushes his palm, warm and calloused. It makes your pulse stutter clumsily. Something fierce begins to bleed into Mingyu’s expression, shifting his solemn despair into a bright devotion.
“Be brave, Owl.”
It’s the last you feel of his warmth. You walk the rest of the way in silence as icy as the terrain around you. Mingyu leads you by a length of rope fastened around your restraints, and you follow faithfully, eyes trained onto his back. In the final stretch of the way up to the gates, you watch as his gait turns purposeful, each foot placed intentionally, and he slides back into that feline warrior you’d witnessed against the bandits.
Finally, Taebaek, northernmost fortress and living grave to the most wicked transgressors of the kingdom appears, nowhere at first and then suddenly looming above you, in a jagged black silhouette that you can barely make out from the swirl of cloud and fog and snow above you. Compared to the severity of the ramparts ahead, its gates are plain and insubstantial, manned only by a single guard at its center.
You don’t realize that you’ve paused to stare, until Mingyu gives a rough tug to your leash and you stumble shakily to your knees. The knight doesn’t even look behind him as he pulls again, until you shove yourself back onto your feet. It’s a facade, you know this, but your stomach roils uneasily and your eyes sting with unshed tears.
“Hail,” Mingyu calls out to the guard. Even his voice is foreign, edged with a threat and growling out from his throat, instead of rumbling in his chest.
“Hail, good Sir. Please state your title and your business.”
Mingyu reaches behind to grasp you by the nape, tender fingertips leaving a trail of shivers in their wake, before they tighten into a claw. He shoves you forward and down onto your knees again, head bowed before the oppressive terror of Taebaek.
“I am the Sun Knight of the Lion’s Pride, Mingyu of House Kim, of the Wolves. I bring before you a criminal, befitting of Taebaek’s eternal embrace.”
-
You’re brought into the stronghold, wrists and ankles and throat shackled by iron. The guard’s touch stings like acid, and he drags you along like a chained beast. Mingyu trails behind you, like a silent shadow, and though you’re endlessly bolstered by his presence, you suddenly wish that he wasn’t here to see you like this. The holding room that you pause within is vast, as wide as a nobleman’s feasting hall and endlessly tall. You steal glances around and find yourself surrounded by massive statues of personified beings that you recognize as the five gods: Sun, Moon, Earth, Sea, and Sky. With a dry swallow, you try to cover the laugh that itches at your throat at the irony of religious symbols in such a godless place.
The guard shoves you back onto your knees. He speaks in a voice as toneless as the air in the room.
“Name your crimes.”
From the corner of your eye, you see Mingyu step forth, ready to deliver whatever he’d planned on professing, but before he can speak, the guard interrupts.
“Pardon, Sir, but here at the fortress, the prisoners are required to offer their sins up in their own voices beneath the gods’ gazes.”
“I was not made aware of this principle.”
“Forgive me, Sir. It is a newer policy that has been created by the High Warden.”
Mingyu shifts his weight, boots scraping the stone beneath anxiously. Whatever script he had created has now dissolved into ashes. No matter. For once in this entire voyage, this is something that you have been prepared for. You keep your head bowed, fettered by the weight of the iron collar, shutting your eyes as you recite the words that you’ve been practicing, every night since you were eight years of age. The prayer that you’ve silently rolled over on your tongue to devote to memory, preparing—in case the gods were real—for the day you would meet judgment.
“I am a kinslayer. My mother and father both perished in a fire of my design. They protected me first, told me to run for safety, not knowing that I was the one who caused the fire. I watched as they choked on the smoke, as they screamed from the flames. I did nothing to help them.”
Now that you’ve spoken the truth out loud, formed them into words and uttered them in your voice, it finally feels real. You had lived all these years blaming the sun, the drought, and the dry heat, but deep down, you had known that there was no other than yourself to blame. It was your fault that your parents and the owls and your home burned into ashes. Everything that came afterwards had been your punishment to bear for making it out alive alone. Though you barely lift your eyes, you can feel the imposing presence of the five gods’ statues, as if their spirits live within the carved stone. Kinslaying alone cannot be sufficient enough to warrant Taebaek’s eternal cold embrace, so you continue.
“I have lived for money. I have looted and stolen and killed others in exchange for coin. Worst of my crimes, I underestimated a knight, the Sun Knight, and thought that I could swindle him. I am only sorry that I got caught doing it.”
Satisfied, the guard who greeted you at the gates grips your chains and yanks hard. You lurch forth, led by the wrists, and swallow away the yelp that forms when the edges of the iron cuffs bite into your arms.
“We’ll take it from here, Sir. Thank you for your escort.”
You can’t even turn to glance one last time at Mingyu before you’re being wrenched forward again.
They lead you down what feels like a thousand corridors, at times taking immediate turns, walking straight for minutes at others. You’re weary, weighed down by your restraints and the frigid, thin air of the mountains, but you take Mingyu’s orders to heart and study each step that you take deeper into Taebaek. Right, right, left, straight for fifty footsteps, left, straight at the gate with a tattered red flag marker. You encode every new direction in your mind and devote it to memory.
You arrive at your cell abruptly. It’s the first holding in a line; you can’t see into the others, but it seems that all of the cells are occupied, judging by the latched doors. The guard who holds your leash shoves you through the gate and slams it shut even before you and your chains have finished crashing down onto the stone floor. Unceremonious and callous.
You wince and pick yourself up to crawl into the cot placed against the far back wall of the cage. The cot can barely be called one, made up of a thin padded sheet that barely blocks the chill from the floor beneath. Nearly every inch of your body aches now, from your untrained legs to the cosmetic beating you’ve received from Mingyu. You long to drift asleep, for just a moment to gain your bearings and regain some strength.
“Hello, new neighbor. Welcome in. I sure hope that you manage longer than the last one. I’m so bored, and the lad on my other side is just so sullen that I fear he might be simple minded.”
A languid voice croons out from the cell to your right. You can’t see who it belongs to from where you are, as only the front half of the shared wall has been set with iron bars, the latter half blocked with gray brick. You’re keen on ignoring them, exhausted and cold, but push yourself up and off of your cot to crawl over to the front of your cell. You kneel, wincing when even the stone’s chill cuts straight through your clothes and into your joints, and grip at the bars to peer into the neighboring cell.
The prisoner occupying it is stretched out onto their own cot but at your rustling turns to glance your way. For a moment, your breath is knocked out of your lungs, as you behold one of the most beautiful people you have ever seen. You had thought that traveling with the Sun Knight had all but immunized you against beauty, but where Mingyu is boyishly handsome, this stranger possesses a delicate, otherworldly elegance. Without a doubt, this is your Angel. You silently thank all of the gods for the fortune they’ve granted you in putting you into this cell. Without hesitation, you forgo all introductions, muttering over the code, an excerpt of a poem, that Mingyu has given you.
“The lion basks, but the sunlight is cold.”
Angel shoves himself to sit up on both arms. He freezes for a moment, glances from you to the wall on his other side warily. The man picks himself up to stand, and when the blanket falls from his lap, you notice his willowy limbs, thin wrists and ankles. There’s a gaunt edge to his cheeks that you’re certain wouldn’t have existed outside of this place, and you wonder how long he’s been imprisoned here for.
He gracefully floats into sitting on his side of the bars, hands brushing the cropped inky hair at his temples back as if he’s used to it being longer and then folding neatly in his lap. This close up, you see that his eyes nearly take up half of his face, vast with something archaic, like wisdom, and something blistering, like rage. It both fascinates and frightens you. Angel observes you as intensely as you do him before he completes the code back to you.
“Burn the clouds and shadows away to bring him warmth.” You watch as the man sweeps his calculating gaze over you. “Hello. I’m Angel.”
You dip your head into a careful nod. “The Sun Knight brought me here. You can call me Owl.”
Angel doesn’t smile—he doesn’t seem like he smiles easily, like Mingyu does—but something disarming and soft curls at his lips. “Pleased to meet you, Owl. How was your journey with our dear Knight?”
“Long. Exhausting. He talks a lot and is infinitely optimistic about everything.”
Angel does laugh, though, in the form of a quick puff of breath that instantly crystallizes. Amusement pulls at his sharp cheekbones, which lasts only for a fleeting moment, before his gaze snags onto your neck where the silver pendant lies in the hollow of your throat.
“Your necklace.” Angel nearly lurches into the dividing wall, thin arms poked between the bars into your cell. You jump and lean back, just barely out of reach from Angel’s hands. At your bewilderment, despite his jerky movements, he explains calmly, “That locket belonged to my little sister. The owl is the symbol of my family, and the amethysts are for the purple of our house colors. Please.”
With the newfound reckoning, your face burns. Of course it had been another facet of the plan and not a piece of Mingyu’s protection to bring in with you. You suddenly feel like an insipid child, stupid and tiny. If Angel notices your hesitation, he doesn’t comment on it, only holds out his hand patiently. You tug the chain up and over your head, passing it over, and with it, all of your lingering thoughts of the Sun Knight.
“Thank you,” Angel breathes, throat warbling, and for a moment, something wet and wistful passes over his eyes. He closes his fist around the locket, clutches it tightly to his chest. When he glances back up, none of the emotion remains, only a hard set to his jaw and a burning, rageful gaze. “The beginning of the end starts now.”
Better for you to know as little as possible, Mingyu had said. Now, as you rot in this tiny cell, you wish that you had even the slightest inkling of Angel’s plan.
Days pass by in a neverending, monotonous blur. You blink awake from restless slumber to the guards rattling their weapons against the barred doors. Shivering, you hunch on your cot, clutching the single blanket you’ve been given as tight as you can to preserve what little heat you produce. Twice a day, they come by with a bowl of cold, gray slop and a cup of water that’s mostly ice. You pick at the food and chew at shards of ice until your teeth chatter so violently that you can no longer.
Angel, despite his emphatic greeting on your first day, has grown withdrawn, silent, and brooding. Whenever you glance through the shared wall, he’s laid on his side, curled towards the far wall so that you can’t even see his face. You stare and stare at his back, waiting for action, waiting for any movement that signals that the plan is in motion. He doesn’t even stir once. He doesn’t even speak a word.
The hope that had been building and rising within you dies. Like a weak flicker of light, dashed out by an avalanche. You think of Soonyoung and the Dancing Spider, of Snowdrop and flying, of Mingyu and his sunkissed face. All things that had seemed too good to be yours forever.
You shut your eyes and try to rest. It seems you have the time now for all of the sleep you’d forgone in the Troughs. Sometimes you fall into black, dreamless naps and wake, even more exhausted than before. Sometimes you dream of golden knights and silver mares and wake with tears clinging to your lashes.
When you wake next, there’s a wild screech, as if metal is being torn apart. You jerk to your senses and push yourself up on your cot, just in time to see that your cell door has been forced open. The two guards that shove inside the already cramped space wear black cloth over their faces, revealing nothing of their identities except for their dark, beady eyes. Even this you barely have the chance to consider, before they reach you, ripping you from the blankets and winding chains around your wrists and ankles. A scrap of fabric that reeks of sweat tightens over your face, stealing your vision away. They yank you forward by the chains, dragging you along the rough stone, knees and elbows scraped as you tumble and fold in disoriented commotion.
“Heard there was a new kinslayer. Heard that it burned its family alive,” one of the men growls, voice tinged with disgust and hatred, “Didn’t think it’d be a tiny little bird. You’re a clever thing, aren’t you?”
A different voice rasps, higher pitched and mischievous, “It’s always the unassuming ones who are the worst. What’s the punishment for this one, boss?”
A quiet hum starts up as the first man considers. There’s a feigned thoughtful note that you can hear straight through. “Eye for an eye seems apt, eh? Bring me the torch.”
Agitation curdles into panic.
“No, no,” you thrash against your bindings, pleading blindly to anyone who might hear, “No fire, please!”
Something harsh and grating meets your ears, and a moment passes before you realize that it’s a cacophony of the guards’ mixed cruel laughter. “Do you think that’s what your mother and father thought in their last moments? No! Please, no! No fire!” The second man mocks loudly.
Your blood runs cold. For once, there’s nothing that you can think of that might get you out of this, nothing clever. Fear grips your heart within icy talons, rendering you powerless and defeated. You slump weakly against your restraints, staring at the black of the blindfold in hopes that the moment will pass quickly.
“Oh,” the first guard rasps, and you can hear his feet scuffing the stone as he shifts his weight. “That’s it, that’s a good little bird. No fire, since you’re behaving so well. You’re lucky that it’s me, you know. I don’t delight in tormenting little birds like some of the other guards here do.”
For a moment, your heart lifts with hope. Then, the screech of metal sliding against metal meets your ears. You barely recognize that something has happened, that something has changed, until you catch a waft of smoke and cooked flesh, like meat on a spit. The backs of your eyes flash with the explosions of a million tiny stars as a white-hot touch kisses your skin, at the juncture of neck and shoulder. It burns, so intensely, that for a moment, it feels like ice.
By the time that you recognize the sound of your own voice, keening and screaming and begging for it to stop, your mind is already distant, shoving away as far as it can manage. You nudge the part of you that feels the pain to the edges of your mind, letting something else fill it wholly. Vaguely, you recognize more jeering, more snickering.
Right, right, left, straight for fifty footsteps, you recite faithfully, mouthing along to the words so that you don’t lose your place. Red flag in tatters.
You’re still murmuring the directions to yourself when they shove you back into your cell. They only let the blindfold fall once the door shuts behind the guards, but it doesn’t matter that you haven’t seen their faces. You’ve heard their voices, and you’ll never forget them. You lie there, curled on the filthy stone, devoting the cadence and the rasp and the hatred of their words to your memory.
To your right, motion flurries as Angel appears at the shared wall. He curls his fingers around the bars, brow furrowed above eyes wide and black. “Owl,” he calls, “I’ll end it all, soon. Soon. I’m sorry.” He whispers fiercely, voice soft but brimming with fury, silver owl’s pendant gripped tightly in his fingers, “I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to get hurt.”
You blink away tears, watching as the man called Angel turns into the image of a vengeful demon.
“Tomorrow, we get an hour in the yard. I’ll come find you there.”
-
“Yer a bottom feeder, aren’t ya?”
You peer up to a voice that sounds like stones scraping against each other. You had found and hunkered down in a far corner of the bare courtyard that they’d led the prisoners in your cell block out to, hoping to avoid any encounters with anyone but Angel. Not much luck there.
The voice’s owner is as ugly as it is, frame withered beneath a fashion of tattered rags and mouth pulled into a permanent sneer to show crooked and broken teeth. His greasy hair falls in sparse, limp clumps from a nearly bald scalp, pocked with scars and other blemishes. Despite his own terrible state, he manages to peer down his nose at you, airs shockingly condescending.
“What does it matter to you?” You bite out, pulling your legs closer to your chest and looping your arms around your knees. “We wound up in the same place in the end.”
The man’s snarl turns into a grin, which somehow makes him even uglier. “Knew it. I can sniff out a rat no matter where I go.” He tips his head to the side and makes a slow, careful appraisal of your face, which makes you feel filthy, even without being touched. “Though yer a pretty little rat, aren’t ya?”
You quiver and tuck your chin away, wincing when the motion pulls at the wound on your collar. The man starts to say something again, in that terrible, grating voice of his, when another interrupts him icily.
“Rancor, piss off.”
Just behind the withered man’s shoulder, Angel has appeared, as silent as a shadow. His eyes burn hot, but his voice comes clipped and as frigid as the mountain air.
Rancor’s attempt at a smile wipes away. “Oh? The pretty princeling can speak!”
Angel only flickers his dark gaze over to you. “I said. To piss off.”
“I’m just makin’ friendly chit-chat, is all. What’s it to yer royal sweetness?”
Before the man can continue, Angel dips his head just before Rancor’s ear to whisper something that you can’t catch. You watch as Rancor’s derision turns into fear. The withered man scampers away as quickly as he’d appeared before you, and you ease ever so slightly.
Angel dips into a crouch before you, using careful hands to tilt your jaw back. He tuts his tongue as he examines the skin there, skims his fingertips along the boundary of the wound. His touch is gentle, but the memory of the burning frightens you into flinching.
“Sorry,” the man soothes quietly and pulls away. Instead, he reaches low to gather your bare feet in his hands. His palms are warm as they try to massage some feeling back into them. “Where’d your shoes go?”
You blink once, twice. “Someone stole them, I think.” A dry laugh catches in your throat at the irony of it all.
Angel watches you carefully, and you try not to squirm beneath his intense appraisal. He thinks for a long while, as if deliberating with himself, then clenches his jaw, mind made up. He throws a careful glance over his shoulder to the rest of the yard, where the other inmates mill around in slow, fatigued motions. When he looks back at you, Angel’s face mirrors the expression he wore a few days back, when you were returned after your branding, fiercely determined and endlessly furious.
“Owl,” he murmurs, thumb sweeping over your ankle bone. “It’s happening soon. We’re to act on a moonless night.” You think back to last night’s sky; the moon had been nearly half-full still.
“Five, six days?” You whisper.
“Yes,” Angel hums. Another brush over your heel. He means to be calming you, you realize belatedly. You’re still not entirely certain of Angel, but he’s the only one you’re meant to trust in this grim fortress. “Your job is to hold out as best as you can manage until then. Keep your head down, and keep yourself safe. Do you remember the way out?”
You nod. “I never forget a thing.”
Angel’s lips press into something as close to a smile as he can manage. “Good. I’m relying on you to lead us out.” His brow creases as something rueful flickers over his beautifully enraged face. “You weren’t supposed to get hurt. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. When we get out of here, I’ll make everything right.”
For the remainder of your time allotted out in the yard, Angel sits beside you, straight-backed and legs folded neatly. He glares at every person who dares to drift over to stare curiously at the pair of you. In a soft hum, he reveals to you everything.
Angel confirms the rumors of the former queen mother as true. She had been incarcerated at this very prison after ordering the deaths of the son and first grandson, robbing the kingdom of its Crown and his heir. Before the assassinations had occurred, she had enlisted a naive kitchen maid’s help in experimenting with her weapon of choice, and a smatter of young ladies in the court had been senselessly murdered. Angel’s younger sister had been one of them. He says this all in an even, detached drone, as if dwelling on any one word will undo his resolve. The anger never leaves his face.
You understand, finally, what the job is.
When the guards shout for your return at the top of the hour, you let yourself be pulled up to your feet by Angel, relieved to have learned the motive for this job. Justice, you might find unfamiliar, but vengeance agrees with you greatly.
-
The days bleed into one another slowly. You stare up at the waning moon each night, stomach aching as you count down until the moment of escape. Confined into the cramped cells once more, you spend most of your time curled beneath your blankets, heeding Angel’s words carefully and keeping yourself as safe as you can manage.
Angel no longer seethes in silent solitude after the day in the yard. He calls over questions about everything and nothing in a loud voice, feigning innocent boredom. Despite it, you think you can read the sincerety in his curiosity. Sometimes, you’re in your cots as you talk, staring up at the ceiling. Most of the time, you sit across one another at the shared wall, so close that your knees brush through the spaces between the bars, that you can speak in whispers.
You tell Angel about your owlery and about growing up beside winged creatures, battling a consuming envy from your own inability to fly. He laughs and brushes his fingers over your wrist when you tell him that you broke it as a child jumping out of a tree in an attempt to learn. He hums thoughtfully when you tell him that riding a horse feels like what you’d imagine flying would be like and that you’d like to own a horse, faster than the wind, one day.
Angel tells you that he misses his family. That he respects his father more than anyone else in the world, that he heeds his mother’s words more than anyone else’s in the world, that he adores his younger sister more than anyone else in the world. All this, he says with equal parts joy and sorrow. Angel loves his family so fiercely that your own heart aches. You wonder if you’ll ever love another the same, if you’ll ever be loved the same.
He asks you for your crimes. You tell him that you’d killed your parents in a fire.
You ask him for his. Angel murmurs in a tone close to murderous that he had all but been the one to condemn his own sister to death. That his hand had been the one to deliver poison straight to her door the night that she died. You read the abject void in his eyes as he recites this and decide to ask no more of him.
The night that the moon is barely more than a sliver in the sky, Angel whistles, already sat on his side at your shared wall. Exhaustion weighing down your limbs, you pull yourself from the cot and crawl towards the wall curiously. As soon as he sees you, Angel reaches his hands past the bars towards you, pressing a cold palm against your cheek, hooking his fingers to lift your chin. He hisses softly at the same time that you whine, as your wound tugs painfully.
“Owl,” Angel murmurs, brows knitted together, “How are you feeling?”
You shrug. “A little tired, I think. Cold.”
“Cold?” He turns the palm against your face over to press his even colder knuckles to your cheekbone. “You’re burning up. And that’s not looking so good.”
Your eyes flutter shut, as you lean into his touch. After flinching away from contact with others for so long, you’ve become reliant on these fleeting moments with Angel, who offers his gentle hands as comfort in this horrid, vacant place. You’re not sure how else you could have managed without them.
“I’m okay,” you insist hazily, unsure if your mind fogging is from the fatigue or from a fever. Nevertheless, you recite your memorized directions silently to make sure that it won’t affect tomorrow’s plan; you manage without stumbling. “I’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”
Angel holds your face, eeriely still. His mouth purses in thought, as he runs calculations in his mind. Whatever he concludes on doesn’t please him. You can tell by the way his expression darkens, so you reach up to grip at his fingers, as firm as you can manage.
“Angel. I have battled worse than this before. I will not fail.”
“Everything must go accordingly for us to make it. It will need to be perfect.”
You’re unyielding when you urge, “I will be perfect.” And he must see something convincing enough. Angel nods once to you, once for himself.
“Alright. Our trust lies in you.”
The morning is gray and silent, as if all of the air has been sucked out from the atmosphere.
You cling to your blankets, shivering despite the palpable flush in your cheeks. When you swallow hard, your throat sticks to itself, dry and painful. Hard to remember what this was for. What you’re so hellbent on making it out of here for, instead of letting yourself fall into the tantalizing pull of sleep. Everything’s so cold, your throat and head so hot, and all you’d like to do is fall back into your cot and tug the blanket up to your nose.
A scuff from the cell to your right has you blinking your eyes back open. Angel is a dark smudge curled at his cell door, knocking a fist against the metal slab.
“Quit all the noise,” a gruff voice grunts from the hall.
Angel slams his hand harder. “The girl has an infection. She needs to be seen at the infirmary, or else she’ll die.”
The guard laughs in a sneer. “Great. She’ll be one less mouth to feed.”
You quiver at the thought. Angel hangs his head, frustrated, before he clenches his jaw and punches the door once more.
“That’d be the fifth death in a month’s time. Don’t you think the High Warden will get suspicious? Early deaths mean shorter punishments.” Angel lets out a derisive snort. “That girl’s been here two weeks. Hardly long enough to even consider penance.”
There’s a pause, as the guard outside seemingly contemplates this.
“Fine. But you’ll go and grovel for help.”
Angel turns to glance at you through the bars, mouth curled in triumph. The dim of the cell casts a shadow over his ethereal face, which makes his eyes smolder brighter. I’ll be back, he mouths soundlessly.
You nod, and he’s gone. You shut your eyes, only while you wait out his return.
Your eyes shoot open at the sound of metal creaking. It takes you a moment to realize that your cell door has been swung wide and then another to realize that the man inside your cell isn’t a guard, but Angel wearing a guard’s gray uniform. The cloth mask obscures most of his face, but you could recognize those eyes anywhere. Now, there’s a vivid alarm in them, as he thrusts over a bundle of cloth. Another uniform set.
“Put this on,” he orders, words clipped and void of anything but urgency, “We’re moving now.”
The exhaustion evaporates as your brain floods with adrenaline. Hurried but steady, you pull the trousers on over your threadbare pants. While you’re shoving your arms through the tunic and cloak, fastening the mask over your nose and mouth, Angel drops to a crouch to help you fold up the extra length of the legs into neat cuffs. Still no shoes. No matter.
Angel straightens to standing, takes one look at you, and then he’s lurching out of the cell. He hurtles down the hallway, in the direction that you were brought over, but when he reaches the end of it, he swivels his head left to right, unsure.
Without pause, you take the lead, letting the mantra in your head play in reverse as you retrace your memories. On and on, the two of you stalk down the halls, in a clipped, urgent manner, turning stoically silent whenever you pass by other guards, who barely pay you any mind. You only let go of the shallow breath that you’d been holding in when you reach the red flag in tatters. Only a bit left to go. Straight for fifty footsteps.
On the fortieth step, you nearly barrel straight into a pair of guards, burly and unyielding. This far away from the cells, they must be part of the gate watch. The men fan out and block the hallway. The one on the left narrows his eyes. The one on the right doesn’t even feign doubt, and his hand reaches for his belt.
Made clumsy with fever and fatigue, you barely register the silver flash of a blade before you’re being roughly shoved aside by Angel, who has lunged forth to deflect the weapon with a knife of his own. The blades squeal in a nasty clash of metal, which rattles you enough to jerk to your senses. Angel, despite his slight and delicate build, makes quick work of the guard, slicing neatly at his wrist so that his fingers loosen around his weapon.
You recover, dipping to snag the blade by the handle as it falls before it even hits the ground, and you’re ducking beneath Angel’s arm to dart forward. The guard on the left doesn’t even make a sound as you spring up to score his throat with the dagger.
“Go,” Angel hisses. You glance over just enough to see him do the same to his opponent. The bodies crumple to the stone in unison. It was a nearly soundless struggle, but there’s no telling when the next round of sentries will come through.
You obey.
Ten more steps, right, left, left. The hall leads into the massive holding room where you were made to confess your crimes. It’s empty, save for the statue of the gods and their presence. You wonder what they think of what they see; two false inmates hurtling past in stolen uniforms, killing like it means nothing more than survival.
It’s only a straight shot from the room to the perilous stone bridge that leads to the front gates. Instead of being resolutely shut against the outside, you squint through the fog to find that one gate has been cracked open. As you hurtle closer, you find a heap of dark uniforms, more fallen guards, snow soaked red.
Angel bounds forward and through the gates, through freedom, reaching to grip you by the wrist and tug you out with him.
“Jeonghan!”
Just up ahead from a nearby bank of snow, the subject of your greatest nightmares in the past two weeks awaits, stalwart and tall and terribly handsome. The Sun Knight stands, blood-soaked sword in one hand, a blazing torch in the other. Sturdy Summer stamps her hooves at his side, while silent Snowdrop waits patiently a few yards back from where she’s been tied. He whistles, sharp and shrill, tipping his head to the side as he gestures for the two of you to move back. Then, you watch, curious and confused, as he throws the torch. It sails over the gates in a blaze and lands atop the slain bodies, where it catches rapidly, hungrily, as if they’d been soaked in oil.
“That’s the last of the gates,” Mingyu grunts, chest heaving with exertion. “Taebaek should be up in flames within the hour.”
You blink once, twice. Then, you stare harder through the fog, towards the hazy silhouette of the fortress. Its stark towers and spires, north, east, and south, are smudged by thick clouds of gray—smoke—and at parts, patched with flickering color: red, yellow, and orange—fire. Haltingly, you try to piece together an explanation, but the cold and the relief flooding your veins snuff out any attempt at forming logic.
Angel—Jeonghan—catches you by the elbow and holds you by the waist just as you start to sag into his side. “Owl,” he murmurs, voice no more than a breath, “We made it.”
Mingyu trudges through the snow, closing the distance, and takes Jeonghan into a tight embrace, hissing, “Jeonghan, you mad devil. It’s good to see you.” Still pressed into Jeonghan’s side, you also get pulled into Mingyu’s warmth and the scent of leather and cloves, the same that your nightmares were cloyed with.
Without letting go, Mingyu turns his honeyed gaze to you, relief and worry equally bright in his face. “Owl, you are a miracle. A godsdamned miracle.” Then, he reads the tight urgency in Jeonghan’s expression. “What’s wrong?”
The last of the adrenaline fades, and your knees buckle. You let out a weak cry, but faster than you can fall, Mingyu dips to snake his arm over your waist. He tucks you against his side, reaching to pull a side of his black wolfcloak over your shoulder. The instant warmth makes you shiver violently, a whine catching in your throat. “I’ve got you,” he mumbles, still looking to Jeonghan for a response.
“Infection, I suspect,” Jeonghan answers, words clipped and purely efficient. “There’s a burn on her neck that doesn’t look good. I’m worried that it’s so close to her head and her heart.”
Mingyu crooks his head to pull back the collar of your uniform. When he speaks next, his voice has turned icily quiet, “They branded her?”
Jeonghan’s eyes darken in a stony, silent reply. “How long did it take you to ride here?”
“Eight days. Though, we started at the Spider, so it took half a day to even get out of the city.”
“Are the horses well rested?”
“Snowdrop is anxious to run; we were moving too slow for her liking. Summer hasn’t been doing so well in the cold, so I’m sure she’s eager to leave. We can move quick, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Jeonghan hums as he considers this. “Three days?”
“Might be possible. We make minimal stops and ride through the night.”
“It’ll have to be done.”
By now, you’ve stopped listening, too exhausted to pay attention to the two men as they murmur their plans. You watch through lidded eyes as they agree on something and as Jeonghan approaches Snowdrop with an outstretched hand. To your surprise, the white mare chuffs happily, and you watch as a genuine smile stretches at Jeonghan’s mouth. Of course, you think to yourself with a strange pang in your heart. Jeonghan is Snowdrop’s rider. Both remarkable creatures of an otherworldly beauty. You can’t help but smile too at their reunion.
“Owl.” Your attention draws back as Mingyu calls. “You’re going to be riding back with me. Is that alright?”
You nod. How chivalrous of him to ask, you muse to yourself. A knight in every manner of the word. A funny warmth spreads in the pit of your stomach.
With your permission, Mingyu lifts you up onto Summer’s saddle, then slides up into his seat behind you, chest to your back, legs bracketed around yours. You have no room to be shameful as you greedily lean into his heat, sighing when he brings his cloak back around to cover you.
“Mingyu,” you breathe.
It’s much too cold, even tucked beneath the knight’s wolfskin, but it’s warm where Mingyu holds you against his chest, arm banded over your waist tightly so that you won’t slide from the saddle. When he doesn’t respond, you call his name again, firmer this time, and watch with hazy delight as his lips part and gaze darts down to you in surprise.
The clouds overhead have just begun to break, and daylight spills onto his face and turns his gaze molten and golden. It’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s made up in your head anymore, but one thing is certain. You need to tell him what you’ve been thinking since the first moment that you met him before you lose your chance to. Already, your head’s spinning, vision flickering in and out, as the fever threatens to consume you whole.
You warble the words out, clumsily earnest, “I know why they named you the Sun Knight.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because you have been kissed by the sun, and it rises in your eyes.”
As you mumble, you spend the rest of your strength in holding yourself upright and slump into the knight’s hold, consciousness slipping away from you like sand between your fingers. The last thing you hear is Mingyu’s voice, as gentle as the sweep of his mouth over your brow.
“And the moon in yours, dear Owl.”
-
“Now there’s a proper owl. Jeonghan, you’re more of a peacock, really.”
You dip your head, bashful at the immediate attention drawn to you as you slip out into the hallway to join up with the entourage awaiting you. Jeonghan greets you with a hand that tightens over your elbow, firm and bolstering, as he jipes back at his father, “At least that means I’m beautiful.”
He tips his face down to study yours, winking when he sees that you smile at his theatrics. Only a few weeks have passed since the escape from Taebaek, but the hard edges of his cheeks and jaw have eased away. When he brushes his fingers against his temples out of habit, his hair there has grown long enough now to be swept back. If you had thought that Jeonghan was beautiful back when you first met him, he is truly angelic here, at home and with his family and friends, draped in his purple silks and decorated with jewelry, color in his softened cheeks.
Lord Yoon sighs, exaggerated and loud, before he shakes his head, holding his brow. “My own son,” he laments. “Where did we go wrong?”
For someone as formidable as the Crown’s Master of Whispers, Jeonghan’s father behaves rather impishly around his family, you’ve come to learn. It’s not difficult to see where Jeonghan’s personality comes from.
It’s also not difficult to see where his beauty comes from. Radiant as ever, Lady Yoon smiles, tittering gracefully behind her hand, as she ushers you both forward. “Let me take a good look at you,” she murmurs, taking you from Jeonghan’s side to hold you at arm’s length. “Now, you are truly our daughter, in name and in looks.”
Weeks ago, you’d woken up, not in hell, not on a dingy Trough tavern bedroll, but in a plush palatial infirmary bed. Infection had rendered you near death for the first days, the healers had informed, but by the gods’ good graces, and the Crown’s personal order to do whatever was deemed necessary to keep you alive, you’d managed to be brought back from the brink. Once regaining consciousness and recovering in the infirmary, you received notice of an account at the Crownsland Bank made under your name—your real name, which you hadn’t even told Soonyoung—with the credit of one hundred thousand Dragons. It hadn’t, however, changed the fact that you still had no home or family to return to. They allowed you to stay in the infirmary for as long as you needed to gain your bearings, but the implication was made clear that you couldn’t live there permanently, of course.
In the midst of your fretting about overstaying your welcome, Jeonghan had paid you a blustering visit, frightening all of the infirmary personnel with his sudden appearance. He thrust upon you a stack of papers, scrawled with plenty of words, most of which you couldn’t even make sense of, and announced that his family had put in a formal request to the Crown to adopt you into their house, effective immediately. You later learned that the Crown had signed off on the request immediately because Choi Seungcheol never denied his childhood friend anything, especially not after the mission that he overtook to deliver his vengeance. Within an hour’s time, and with no regard to your own say in the matter, you had been brought over to the Yoons’ grand estate in the Western Quarter of the Crownslands and written down in all official documents as a noblewoman of the House of Owls, tacked onto the current generation as the third Yoon issue.
In your first days on the palacegrounds, you learned that the presence of Jeonghan’s true sister still lingered everywhere. Everyone that you’ve met in Court has had nothing but noble things to say about her: that she was even more beautiful than her brother, that she was intelligent and kind and talented, that she was taken too soon, too unfairly from this world. You remember Jeonghan’s grief when he saw her locket around your throat, the ire in his voice as he delivered his vengeance, the immense love that he has for her. You could never amount to anything remotely close, and you don’t want to. If they look upon you, hoping that they’ll find a glimpse of the late Yoon daughter, they’ll find nothing but disappointment, and you don’t intend to make a mockery of the dead.
You’d belatedly learned a lot of other things too. That the silver necklace you entered Taebaek with had truly once belonged to Jeonghan’s sister. That it was actually a locket that carried poison. That he had used it to kill the queen mother in the infirmary because he had known that she was recovering there from an illness.
A love for a sister great enough to deliver himself as a prisoner and weather Taebaek’s frigid cruelty for months, with blind trust that someone would be as crazy enough as him to complete his plan.
You reach for Lady Yoon’s hands to close your fingers around hers and correct, “Adopted daughter.”
“Semantics.” Jeonghan shatters through the moment with a languid grouse, returning to your side to hold you by the elbow again. He rolls his eyes, but there’s a fond curl to his mouth as he complains, “Come, dear sister. I’m starving, and I would love to go pester the sovereign Crown of our beloved kingdom.”
The affair of the night is a celebration that the Crown has requested for Jeonghan’s safe return. You feel strange feasting over an event that, at its core, burnt down a stronghold and its hundreds of occupants and nearly killed you, too, but Jeonghan’s presence smoothes out your nerves and so do his smiles that have been coming easier since being home.
The event, touted as private and intimate, is hosted in the palace proper, within a ballroom that Jeonghan claims to be the smallest and least ornate, but you can’t help craning your neck back to stare up at the massive chandelier and the grand painted ceiling as he leads you past the threshold. Everything glitters, gilded in gold or silver, and with each turn of your head, a jewel winks in the corner of your vision. At your side, Jeonghan waits patiently, smile curling wider with every amazed breath catching in your throat.
Before you can allow yourself to marvel further, you accompany the Yoons up to the dais to give your greetings to the Crown. Seungcheol meets them with warm familiarity and gives you a welcoming smile too, but while they share polite conversation, you can’t seem to still your nerves around the Crown and his proximity, having had every reason to fear authority in the past. As your family dips respectfully and steps back to allow another noble family to make their greetings, you think that you won’t ever adjust to living in the Crownslands, never mind as part of the family closest to the sovereign’s.
You follow along the Yoons, mouth pulled into a strained smile as noblemen and women step forward to greet Jeonghan and introduce themselves to you. They marvel over your successful return, each new encounter tacking on another detail of the mission, made increasingly valiant and noble. You wonder if they know how you blubbered like a child when the guards burned you, or if the stories omit that bit.
“Hail, Owl.”
You crook your head over your shoulder, immediately savoring the sight you’re rewarded with. The third and final guest of honor, Mingyu approaches elegantly, dressed in crimson silk fitted so perfectly, as if the lengths of fabric had been draped over him and then cut to length and fashioned together upon his frame. His collar cuts low just enough to reveal the jut of his clavicle and the golden pendant hanging at his throat, carved with a star-eating wolf. His hair, which by the end of your journey had grown long enough to curl boyishly at the nape, has been cropped neatly. Off of his warhorse and out of his riding leathers, Mingyu looks the image of a proper nobleman. It’s the first that you’ve seen of him since you fell unconscious in his saddle, before your life changed so drastically. You wish, desperately, that you were immune to his charms, so that you wouldn’t be standing here in the middle of the hall, gaping.
“Hail, Knight.” You recover a beat too slowly, and Jeonghan snickers from your side. You shoot him a glare, but your adopted brother only dips to ghost his lips over your forehead in parting and sweeps away, off on a quest to bother as many of his friends as possible, no doubt.
“The sigil is fitting, of course.” Mingyu graces you with a smile, gaze dipping to your neck, where the silver owl locket he once handed you hangs. Jeonghan had returned it, poison-free, to you as a gift to celebrate your adoption. “But how are you getting along with your new House colors?”
The Yoon banners fly purple and silver. You’re in no position to mind them, previously having had no symbol nor color to your family’s name, but you’re still getting accustomed to a wardrobe of only colors, especially when you’d worn the drab grays and browns of the Troughs for most of your life. When the attendants appeared at your door earlier, they couldn’t be turned away, not today, insisting that they must help you dress for an audience with the Crown. You had had no choice but to let yourself be pressed into a garment of violet silk so soft that it feels like running water over your skin. You glance down at yourself now, at the dress, at the owl in flight embroidered in delicate silver thread onto your sleeve, at the heavy rings that have been resized to perfectly slide onto your fingers. Suddenly, you’re aware of the knight’s silent appraisal of you, and you run your palms down the silken sleeves, a bit self-conscious.
“Getting used to it still. To all of it, really. What do you think?”
Mingyu's grin is quick, eager. “I think you look like royalty.”
You nearly forget yourself, whatever you were meaning to say sticking to the back of your throat. Before you can allow yourself to flush at how guilelessly he answered, someone catches your attention from the corner of your vision, enrobed in sleek black. Sharp teeth, even sharper eyes flash your way, and you turn away from the knight, tucking your prior thoughts away for later reflection, towards the approaching newcomer, hissing out with no real venom.
“Traitor. You lied to me.”
Kwon Soonyoung grins back at you with a one-shouldered shrug. “Technically, everything I’ve told you is truthful. I own The Dancing Spider. I run a network.”
Turns out, Kwon Soonyoung doesn’t just run a network; he is the network. In your days recovering in the infirmary, through your sparse conversations with the healers’ assistants, you’d picked out the truth about your friend, the tavern owner, who, in actuality, was the second child and only son of House Kwon and the prodigious master of the Crown’s extensive network of mercenaries, sellthieves, and other rogueish informants. A Spider with a web that reaches across every nook and cranny of the kingdom.
“Whatever,” you sniff blithely, studying the man. “Lying by omission is still lying.”
He’s traded his simple clothing—which you suppose was more of a disguise for him—for an ornate black doublet, tailored perfectly to his form. There’s a spider stitched in iridescent thread at his chest, its legs radiating out from the center to the sides, encircling his ribcage. Here, Soonyoung even carries himself taller, more assured, sharp gaze steely and serious. You wonder, now, which version of Soonyoung is the truest.
“I thought you were a common house pest. Didn’t realize you were the Crown’s Spider.” You’re not sure how to tell him that you’re glad to see him again, that you appreciate everything that he’s done for you all these years, so you settle for the next most pressing thought in your head, squinting in scrutiny, “I can’t believe you had me paying you copper coins when you’re the heir to a noble House, Kwon.”
Soonyoung huffs, shoving a hand into his pocket and pulls out something that you can’t recognize. He tosses it over your way, which you easily snag out of the air. You glance down at your palm and find it weighted down by a tiny leather pouch. When you ease the drawstrings open, you spy the contents, a mixture of mostly copper, some silver coins.
“I was going to return them all, some day, and tell you the whole truth, too.” The Spider winks at you rakishly. “Though you also don’t need them anymore, hm?”
“I’ll find a use for them.” You grin back, reaching for your pockets before quickly realizing that your new silks have none. Another thing that needs getting used to; noblewomen apparently have no need for pockets, not when their attendants can hold and carry things for them.
Instead, a large upturned palm slides into view. You tilt your head up and find Mingyu reaching for the pouch, eyes alight with purpose, no matter how small, eager to serve. Your heart stutters over itself.
As if he can hear it, Mingyu flashes you a tiny smile, “Let me hold onto them for you, my lady.”
You sniff to feign indifference, drop the pouch of coins into his hand, and stride off without a word, in search of Jeonghan’s bracing presence, and a cold drink.
Having successfully found one and not the other, you stick along the wall, glass in hand, as you scan the room and its inhabitants. Amusement tugs at your lips as you watch Soonyoung bicker with Jeonghan about something you can’t quite catch from this distance. Others, whose faces and names you’ve been briefed on but haven’t been introduced to, mill around in their own circles, but you catch the shared fondness and familiarity in the way they look at one another. Trusted friends from childhood, from birth, as Mingyu had once described to you.
Even the older members of Court seem to have their established groups. Jeonghan’s parents recline in easy conversation with a woman robed in black and the spitting image of Soonyoung and the Master of Arts, whose own son, Chan, laughs boisterously in the crowd watching the argument.
You think that you’ve gone unnoticed by the room, especially from your spot between the folds of the window curtains, so you jolt, alarmed, when someone calls you by your given name.
The Crown himself has managed to sidle up beside you. Much like the lion of his family’s heraldry, he wears his hair in a thick, black mane, swept back and off of his forehead, wisps curling at his nape. There’s a curve to his mouth, but the intensity of his gaze arrests you in space. As he approaches, so close that you can smell the coiling incense on the brushed velvet of his coat, he lifts his own flute of wine between loose fingers towards your direction in greeting.
Your spine straightens, and you stammer, “Just Owl is fine.” Then, you add clumsily with a stifled wince, “If it pleases the Crown.”
“Just Seungcheol is fine,” he copies your words, smiling politely and almost sheepish, “I apologize. I don’t mean to frighten you, Owl.”
“Not at all. It’s just—” You thumb at the rim of your glass, catching a drop, ruby red, onto your finger, stealing glimpses of the Crown from the corner of your eye. “I’ve committed crimes in return for coin. I should be locked up in a prison, never mind live in the Crownsland and drink sweetwine with royalty and noblemen and ladies. Pardon me if I’m a bit…fidgety in your presence.”
Seungcheol hums a note, low and contemplative in his throat.
Even without looking straight at him, you can feel his gaze, searching and curious, at your collar, where the brand left by the Taebaek guard hides beneath your clothes. The attendants had carefully applied a salve onto the still healing wound, wrapping it with a piece of linen bandage, and then obscuring it beneath the collar of your silks. You’re no stranger to scars and find no shame in it being visible, but the first and only time Lady Yoon had seen the blemish, she’d grown pale and visibly uneasy so you’ve taken towards having it hidden away in the presence of nobility.
“You’ve bled for the Crown, so now the Crown bleeds for you.” A grin, suddenly boyish, snags at his mouth as he adds, “Metaphorically, of course.”
You smile back faintly. “I didn’t know I was doing it for the Crown. Even if I did know, I certainly would have done it for my own gains.” A quick glance around the room and its occupants, opulent and bright and merry, makes something bitter rise in your throat. “And look how much I have gained overnight for it.”
“Do you think yourself undeserving of it?”
You turn with a blink, surprised. Without an ounce of doubt, you answer solemnly, “Of course. A few weeks ago, I was an orphan and a Trough rat. Today, one of the most powerful families in the Crownslands calls me their daughter. All because I played the right game and played it well.”
Seungcheol’s gaze crosses over to Jeonghan, who is wholly rapt with his companions and unaware of your own. “I think you will find that you are not so different from your brother, Owl,” the Crown muses softly, then lifts his glass to take a long sip. Then, attention snagged by a group of crimson-robed individuals, he gestures towards them and prompts, “Handsome family, aren’t they?”
At the farthest end from your spot, Mingyu mingles with three others who are very clearly his parents and sister. As Seungcheol says, they are all magnificent, tall and elegant, shrouded in red and gilded in gold. You murmur your agreement, fascinated by the identical slant and sharp inner corners of Mingyu’s and his sister’s eyes, beautiful even from this distance.
“The House of Wolves is an old one,” Seungcheol hums, tapping his fingers along the stem of his glass, “The Kims have been around for as long as the Chois. They could have vied for the Crown at any moment in history and won it, probably. Their numbers are far greater than ours, and they’re masters of war, even in this era. At twenty, Mingyu’s father was named the youngest commander in a century’s time, under my grandfather’s reign. His mother is an unparalleled strategist, with his sister right behind her heels. Mingyu himself is one of the finest knights we’ve seen ever.”
You tear your gaze away from the family laughing together to regard the Crown cautiously. “Do you suspect that the kingdom is at risk of a coup?”
Seungcheol only chuckles, with a curt shake of his head. “No. House Kim doesn’t envy the throne. The wolves put family above all else, and nothing else will sway them.” His voice takes a thick, bitter turn when he continues. “Perhaps my house should have done the same. Maybe I would have a family yet.”
Jeonghan had told you the truth, the whole truth. The queen mother, Seungcheol’s grandmother, had slain her own son and grandson, purely out of displeasure that her husband hadn’t chosen her favorite son as his heir. She had appointed one of her loyal courtiers as the newest High Warden of Taebaek, expecting to be condemned there after the murders, in exchange for a comfortable life in the fortress. There had been a plush feather bed and a compact brazier in her cell, Jeonghan had discovered on his way to the infirmary.
A wistful haze flickers over the Crown’s eyes, and you read it instantly. It’s the grief that comes with being the sole survivor of your family. You know it so closely, so fervently, that your own heart aches.
“You are surrounded by so many who love you,” you offer, tipping your chin at the rest of the room, “And the Yoons consider you as one of their own, do they not?”
Seungcheol’s emotion whisks away, and the corner of his mouth quirks. “They do.”
“Then, I am now a part of your family as well.”
The Crown laughs, both cheeks dimpling, and it’s much lighter than anything he’s said to you all night. “Thank you, Owl. That’s very generous of you. I’ve always wanted a sister.”
At that moment, from the middle of the room’s commotion, a sudden swell of music starts up, as players with stringed instruments begin a warm up sequence. You puzzle at the sight and as people begin to pick themselves up and off of furniture.
Seungcheol shifts his weight from beside you, reaching to settle his drained glass onto a nearby side table. “And now for my true intention of coming over here: will you join me for the first dance?”
Blood drains from your face in abject horror, as you stammer, “What? I cannot dance, I’ve never learned! I’m a Trough rat, for gods’ sakes!”
Seungcheol doesn’t even try to hide the mischief glimmering in his eye, a grin easing wide open. “It’ll be short. Symbolic, more than anything, and everyone will be itching to get to dancing themselves to care about much.”
You clamp your mouth open and shut multiple times as you gape for words. “You’re the Crown!”
“You’re the guest of honor. You’d be doing me the pleasure. And I’d rather not waltz with Yoon Jeonghan or Kim Mingyu, if I can avoid it. Please, Owl. As family?”
Panic sours into irritation as you realize that you’ve been utterly, completely played by the sovereign of the kingdom.
-
Fire swirls furiously all around you. Flames flicker in a storm, with you in the eye of it. You can’t see anything past the crimson and yellow and orange blinding your vision. There are a thousand voices, saying a thousand things, laughing, jeering, mocking. All condemning you to a hell of your own making.
You wake with a start, vision flooding with black and blue and silver that chases away the bright heat. Sweat dampens your forehead, sticks your sheets to your entangled limbs. You reach beneath your pillow, out of habit more than anything, to run your fingers along the carved handle of Feather. Hovering from above, your adopted brother frowns down at you, a hand shaking you by the shoulder.
“You were crying out in your sleep,” Jeonghan offers as an explanation of his presence. “Thought I’d check in on you.”
“Oh.” You sink into the mattress, exhaling a long, weighted breath. “Did I wake you?”
A shadow flickers across Jeonghan’s face as a cloud passes over the moon. “No. I don’t sleep well. Not anymore.”
You nod. Not that you can remember a time when you’ve ever slept well, but something about Taebaek and its horrors, no matter how brief your stay was, has altered your mind. Even the soft feathers of your new bed and the furnaceless warmth of your room bring no comfort to let you sleep through the night.
You shift over on the giant mattress, creating enough space for Jeonghan to slip onto it. He folds his legs neatly as he sits, knees bumping against yours. For a moment, you’re reminded of leaning against the bars of your cell wall, learning to trust one another, sharing as much warmth as you could lend. Maybe Jeonghan has the same thought; he smiles and pulls the covers over both of your laps.
You clasp your hands together tight to hide that they’re still trembling from the lingering claws of your nightmare gripping your heart. Jeonghan sees, you’re certain, but he’s too kind to comment on it. Instead, he prompts gently, “Did you enjoy yourself at the banquet tonight?”
“Yes. I enjoyed seeing you with all of your friends.” As an afterthought, you add quietly, “I was glad to see Soonyoung and Mingyu again.”
Jeonghan hums. “And what did Seungcheol discuss with you?”
“You noticed.”
“I don’t miss a thing.”
You grin. “The Crown conveyed his gratitude for my part in bringing you back home. He said that he will repay the favor for as long as I live.”
Jeonghan sighs but can’t hide the smile that curls onto his mouth. “Dramatic, isn’t he? He’s just glad that I made it back so he doesn’t have to convince someone else to be his best friend.”
You snort. Then, something that’s been nagging at you since the banquet comes to mind. “Why didn’t you serve Soonyoung when he asked for more wine?”
Jeonghan echoes your words, “You noticed.”
You give a quick shrug. “I don’t miss a thing.”
Your brother hums again, more thoughtful, serious now. “The night before my sister died, I was the last person to see her. She hadn’t been sleeping well, so she requested something warm to drink from the kitchens. I brought it to her and bid her goodnight. They say that her body was already cold and stiff when they found her the next morning. Probably, she drank the milk, fell asleep immediately, and never woke up.”
There’s an unsaid confession there, of an irrational fear that has emerged out of the tragedy. You shut your eyes against the horrible account. It makes sense now, what he had said back at Taebaek, that he felt like his hand was the one that delivered the poison.
Without thinking, you murmur, “At least she did not suffer.” Then, you hastily correct, eyes flying open, “My apologies. That was not the right thing to say.”
Jeonghan laughs; a quiet rasp of a noise, but genuine. “You, and the countless others who have told me that, would be correct. Of course, there are harsher poisons and more horrible ways to die.” He blinks hard, purple eyelids dark against his pale, moonlit skin. “Still, I cannot help but think that I was the one to deliver my sister’s death straight to her.”
You sit, still and silent, working up the breath to admit your own secrets. “It’s true that the fire that killed my family was of my doing. I was up late, reading in the owlery, even though my parents told me to go to sleep. I forgot to blow the candle out before I returned to my bed, and the flames spread quickly. It hadn’t rained for months at the time, I think. Everything was dry and hot.
“My mother woke first, told me to get up and check on the owlery, but there was no point. When I got there, the whole thing had already gone up in flames and all of the birds were dead. By the time I ran back to the house, our roof was on the ground. I just hope that the smoke killed them both before the flames did.”
Jeonghan offers no words of consolation, and for that, you are grateful. Perhaps he is the only one in this world who may understand exactly how you feel. He reaches a hand out, and when you slide your palm against his, you realize that he’s shaking, too.
“By the way, we didn’t bring you into our own home because we were looking to replace my sister,” he murmurs, voice quiet but something fierce regardless, “That’ll never be possible.”
“Of course.” You frown. “Did you think that I was expecting to? It’s very important to me that you say no.”
Jeonghan’s previously solemn face splits in two as he laughs at your bewilderment. “No. I’m just messing with you.”
Your anxiety melts away into irritation, and you’re imbued with the sudden urge to yank your hand away. As if he senses this, Jeonghan’s grip only tightens, to which you scowl, glaring to mask the relief trembling back down your throat.
“And here I thought we were having a meaningful conversation.”
“We are,” Jeonghan croons, “You didn’t let me finish.”
Though your heart still races and you’re more annoyed than nervous now, you yield and allow a smile at the sight of the harsh lines of his face easing away.
“I was going to say, we want you here because you’ve given us something more valuable than anything. You’ve granted us vengeance, and now the three of us can live in peace until the day we reunite with my sister. That, alone, is enough to love you as one of our own.”
You swallow hard, breaths shallow so as not to ruin the quiet of the night. There’s a sudden tearing in your chest, as all that you’ve denied yourself, fearing that your past would not merit you as deserving of it, settles into place right before you. A family. Warm hands around yours. A purpose beyond surviving to the next day.
Jeonghan’s eyes glitter as he muses, “I can see why you’re called Owl. You should have seen yourself just now.”
“Mingyu says it’s because he can see the moon in my eyes.” The words leave your sleep-loosened tongue sooner than you can reel them back.
Your brother nods, “He’s right.” Then, his smile turns impish. “You love him.”
You flinch as if burned. This time, when you pull your hands away, Jeonghan lets you. His bright amusement bleeds, morphed into something smudged and concerned. Shame flits over your face as heat stings your cheeks. “Don’t say something so cursed.”
“Cursed?” Jeonghan echoes curiously. “Why would that be so cursed? Are you not allowed to love Kim Mingyu? He certainly loves you.”
You bite out a dismissive scoff.
“I’m not meant for someone like him. He is not meant for someone like me.”
“Young, pretty ladies marry young, dashing knights all the time—”
You squeeze your eyes shut. “Jeonghan.” Breathing comes harder, mechanical, as you search for the correct words. “I’m not… I will only end up harming him.”
There was a story that your mother told you when you were a child. A story about a girl of the night falling in love with the sun, even though he burned her, even though he blinded her. Everyone condemned her, called her foolish for it, but the girl hadn’t thought of it that way. You think of yourself as that girl, hopelessly in love with the sun, scared to get close in fear of dimming his radiance. For he is the sun personified, and I am but a shadow.
Jeonghan shakes his head, wistful and pensive.
“If you truly think that way, the only one you’re hurting is yourself.”
-
“Hello, Owl!”
You’ve scarcely crossed over the threshold of the room, trailing Mingyu’s broad back, when a hearty greeting is sent your way. Sharing a glance with the knight, you peer cautiously around him to the rest of the sitting room, where a handful of the others have gathered for what Mingyu and Jeonghan described to you as a “day off”. You recognize them all, members of the Lion’s Pride, the Crown’s most trusted courtiers, children of royalty and nobility who you were introduced to at last week’s celebration: Soonyoung, your black-robed Spider; Minghao the artist; Hansol, distant cousin of the Crown; and Chan, the source of the emphatic greeting and owner of the notable laughter from the feast.
From the armchair that he’s comfortably tucked into, Chan smiles, gaze warm and curious, as if he has successfully befriended every person he has ever encountered in life. He wears emerald green, a sleek hunting dog’s design embroidered over his heart. You squirm, eager to be on the receiving end of his kindness but unsure of how to return it.
“Hi. Hello. Thank you for letting me inconvenience your days off.”
“Nonsense!” Chan exclaims. “You’re Jeonghan’s sister, which means that we’re all family now.”
Mingyu wrinkles his nose as he approaches an unoccupied chaise that’s not quite at the table that the others sit at, but adjacent enough to be a part of the set. He beckons you to it, waiting until you perch carefully on one end and then sitting on the opposite. He’s close enough that you can hear the breath on his voice, but you can’t help the disappointment stirring in your stomach at the distance regardless.
“Ignore him,” Mingyu grunts, reaching for the table to pluck a handful of grapes from a platter that’s been polished to gleam. He pops a few into his mouth and crunches them with his teeth. “Chan’s just excited that there’s finally a newcomer that he can try and bribe onto his side.”
You ignore the flash of his fangs and the shape of his mouth as he chews to consider his words instead, brushing your palms nervously along the soft velvet of the couch. “His side for what?”
Reclined lazily on his own plush chair with his feet kicked over the armrests, Soonyoung grins with sharp teeth. “For anything. He likes to fight losing battles.”
“That’s not true,” Chan lifts a finger, brow pinched, “They will not let me win a single debate, even if I’m saying that the sky is blue.” He juts his mouth into a pout, and you can immediately understand why the others pester him so. “It’s quite unfair, actually. Take pity on me, Owl, won’t you?”
A laugh bubbles in your throat, sooner than you can stop it. “Sure. I can’t stand for injustice.”
“Wonderful! We’ll get along perfectly,” Chan preens, rewarding you with a sunny smile.
Minghao doesn’t look up from the sketchpad his face is buried within, but he gives a short, pitched giggle. Hansol huffs with amusement, passive expression crinkling for the first time since you’ve arrived.
From beside you, Mingyu’s head whips to you, looking as if you’ve betrayed him. “Owl, you don’t need to do all that to curry favor with him. Chan likes just about anyone under the sun who gives him the time of day. Like a puppy dog.”
“Look who’s talking,” Chan bites back immediately, without a beat. “You know that they also call you the Mutt Knight, right?”
“Hear, hear,” Soonyoung calls out mirthfully, “What are wolves, if not overfed, poorly trained dogs?”
You grin at Mingyu, who doesn’t even sulk at his friends’ teasing, offering him a one-shouldered shrug. From there, the banter dissolves away as the men attend to their own devices, your presence having naturally been absorbed into the matter of things.
Minghao’s pencil never stops, even as he looks to his friends to join in conversation or looks out the window for reference. Hansol scratches away at his own packet of papers. Judging from the rhythms he taps out against the table with his fingertips and the quiet humming, you’d guess that he’s working on a composition. Soonyoung and Chan start up a game of chess that, to you, seems to involve a lot more cheating than valid moves. Mingyu watches the game, whispering hints, real and fake, to both sides, eyes alight with mischief. You flick open the book you’ve brought with you but find yourself watching the fascinating group before you in lieu of reading the words.
Sound and silence exist in tandem, as voices call out questions and responses and jokes and jeers, then fade away without notice. They don’t make a point to include or exclude you, only give the perfect pauses for you to butt in if you have something to say. Everyone responds, whether through words or nods, and with each conversation, you find yourself loosening, learning the rhythm of this circle and this gathering. You think you’ve reached the barest tip of understanding this, their lifelong friendships and the fathomless love that they harbor for one another.
It’s so desirable that your heart aches. It’s so frightening that you wish you could hide your soul away from them all.
At some point, Jeonghan filters into the room, during a brief break between his affairs. Rapt by the conversation at hand, a fierce debate between Chan and Hansol, you don’t realize your brother’s arrival until he leans over the back of the couch to kiss your forehead and his face swims into view, upside down.
“Han,” you mumble, pleasantly surprised, “I thought you were busy.”
“I am,” Jeonghan shrugs, puzzling over Mingyu, who has slumped onto the armrest to quietly doze. He leans to flick a nail against Mingyu’s forehead, startling him awake. “I told you to keep an eye on her, not to nap.”
You huff out a laugh, “I can fend for myself, Jeonghan. I’m alright.”
Your brother rests his palm atop your head, mussing the hairs there gently. His mouth softens into a smile. “As long as you’re enjoying yourself.”
“I am.”
Jeonghan manages to settle the argument that has only gotten louder in the midst of your exchange with a sharp click of his tongue, and you watch, amused and enthralled at the way that he effortlessly silences the younger men. “Be good,” he chides with a quick glance at each occupant of the room, leans to kiss your temple in parting, and then sweeps away as suddenly as he had appeared.
As morning trickles into afternoon, the room grows warm and hazy with the scent of sunbaked linen as the breeze flickers through the curtains. Before long, your lids tug low and heavy. Everyone’s preoccupied with their own hobbies. You tuck your finger into your book to hold your place and decide to nap, just for a few minutes.
You don’t wake in a few minutes. You don’t even wake in an hour. In fact, you doze so soundly that when you do wake, you’re being roused by a gentle hand on your shoulder, blinking your eyes open to the sunset’s colors bleeding into the room.
“Wake up, Owl. I’ll walk you back to your room.” Mingyu mumbles from beside you, yawning and rubbing at his own eyes.
Disoriented and bleary, you dutifully trail along Mingyu through the corridors of the palace, not minding when he reaches behind to hold you by the wrist, guiding you through the twists and turns that you haven’t quite devoted to memory yet. The thick fog of sleep still hasn’t faded by the time you come to a stop at your door in the Western Quarter, and you find yourself frowning, disappointed, when Mingyu bids you a good evening and begins to turn away.
“Oh!”
You jump and glance up expectantly.
Mingyu pulls at a scrap of paper from his pocket and hands it over to you. When you accept it curiously, he shrugs, “Not sure what it is, but Minghao told me to give it to you. He also told me not to look until after you do.”
The paper is thick and textured, creamy in color, and it feels expensive even just by touch. You ease the crease open and blanch at the contents of it. Inside, a delicate sketch by graphite sprawls across the page. Two people sit atop a narrow couch. The smaller slumps into the larger’s side, head tipped against his shoulder, slumped and dozing and unaware of her position. The man crooks his own head down, held still and frozen in a stare. It’s a preliminary sketch, with rough lines and shading, but the one thing that the artist has captured are the faces. One slack and serene in slumber, the other fond and enamored and smiling.
You quickly snap the paper shut before Mingyu can catch a glimpse of it and thrust your hand behind your back. The bleary haze quickly disappears, as heat begins to crawl up your throat. Mingyu blinks back at you, curious, but he doesn’t pry. Instead, he’s reaching into his other pocket, pulling something larger and rounded in shape from it.
“Can I show you something?”
When he holds the object up to your eye level, you scrutinize it cautiously. It’s a snarling wolf’s head, wrought in polished iron. You recognize it as a pommel, detached from the hilt of a blade, fashioned after his house’s sigil, as most noble knights tend to have. The star of his heraldry is represented by a perfectly clear diamond held in its maw, set tightly between four pointed fangs. Two mismatched gemstones, both brilliant, serve as the wolf’s eyes: a ruby and an amethyst. Mingyu’s thumb rests between the ears, the metal there dulled, as if worked away by habit.
In the midst of squirming at your stunned silence, Mingyu prattles, “This belonged to my father, and he gave it to me after I was knighted. I left it at home before I left for our journey because I didn’t want anything to happen to it. Anyway, I wanted to show you. Both of its eyes were red, for our house colors, but I had one of the rubies swapped out for a purple stone. For House Yoon—” He pauses, mid-stumble over his words, then corrects. “For you.”
Blood rushes violently in your ears. Why? Your mind swirls in question. You stare at the purple gem, you think back at the moment captured within Minghao’s sketch, you think of the way he looks at you, honeyed and tender and gentle. Why, why, why, why—
“Do you love me?” You blurt out, too frightened to even feel ashamed of how blunt the words come out.
“Yes,” Mingyu says plainly, expressive eyes burning like twin stars.
Loosened into the world so easily, the truth no longer haunts you from the periphery but attacks you head on. You wipe your sweaty palms down the front of your shirt, grimace without even meaning to. “Is it truly that easy?”
Mingyu lowers his arms and rolls his shoulders back, tightening his fingers around his pommel, brushing his thumb into the valley between the wolf’s pointed ears. He scans you for a long time as he contemplates his words.
“To love you? Or to admit that I do? Yes to both. It is the easiest thing I’ve done aside from learning to breathe.”
“Why?”
Mingyu breathes a mirthless laugh. His face crinkles into a wince, though he tries to take it in stride. “Gods, Owl. You don’t just ask someone why after they profess their love for you.”
You barrel straight through, deigning to beg while incapable of feeling the shame. “I need to know why. Please.”
Mingyu starts speaking before you can even finish, “Because you are honest. Because you are strong. You’re one of the cleverest and bravest person I have ever known. Because it pains me to see you try to be so strong on your own, and I want to be there for you when you need help. Even though you’re too stubborn to ask for it.”
Once, just this once, you want to be greedy. You want to be selfish. You want and you want and you want, without being scared to ruin it or lose it. Just this once, you let yourself want.
You have to stand on your toes to even reach to wind your fingers around Mingyu’s nape, tugging in an effort to make him duck. Surprise flickers past his face, then recognition has him dipping his head instinctually, before realization settles into the curl of his mouth, just as you press yours against it. Pleased, Mingyu hums, lips parting to nip at yours. He’s gentle and warm, eager but careful. His hands come up to your waist, canting you a few steps back into bumping against your bedroom door. In his left hand, he still holds the wolf’s head pommel, and the cool weight of the metal nudging your hip has you tipping your chin back to pull apart from the kiss. You drag in a breath to sober up from the heady rush of desire mucking up your thoughts.
Mingyu sucks in a few breaths to recover too, and then he’s crooking his head in an attempt to kiss you again. You yelp in protest, hands coming up to his chest to hold him back, “Jeonghan’s room is right there! We should—”
The heavy wooden door against your back pitches open, and a squeak forces its way halfway up your throat as you lose your balance backwards. In one swift motion, Mingyu braces you with one arm around your waist, swings both of you into the privacy of your room, and shuts the door behind him. When he turns back to you, mischief crinkles the corners of his eyes, lamplight bouncing and reflecting off of them. He doesn’t say more, leading you further into the room.
You reach the center, to where your bed stands, mattress dimpled with the pillows askew and the sheets messed up. Abruptly, you chide yourself for requesting that the attendants don’t do your cleaning for you, and even more for not having gotten into the habit of making your bed neat every morning. Mingyu barely bats an eye at your mess as he seats himself first at the closest edge, then guides you to standing before him, both hands still planted firmly over your hips, so close that your knees brush against his.
“Pretty.” His lashes flutter as he glances away, suddenly shy, confessing, “I’ve wanted to tell you that for a long time now.”
Something simmers just beneath your skin, thrumming and alive. Desire, hunger, greed. All wicked sins, but nothing has ever felt more right. You curl your fingers into tight fists and realize that you’re still holding onto the scrap of paper from Minghao’s sketchbook. Wordlessly, you hand it over to Mingyu, nerves scraped raw with anticipation and terror.
He pulls his hands away to accept it, prying the page open with both thumbs. For a moment, he stares, and heart in your throat, you examine his reaction. When Mingyu finally moves, it’s to fold up the paper again and slide it into his own pocket. The pommel that he’s been holding onto all this time, he tosses over his shoulder, where it lands somewhere on your floor with a muted thump against carpet.
Then, with a laugh that sounds more like a giggle, Mingyu leans forward to grab you by the wrist, pulling you so firmly that you crash into his chest. He continues laughing, tugging and tugging, all the way until he’s reclined into laying on his back in the middle of the mattress, with you planted in his lap. From this angle looking down, you stare, awed and enamored, at the pink flush of his cheeks, the spray of hair mussed all around his head like a careless crown, the sharp flash of his fangs between grinning lips.
“Pretty,” you echo his words and smile back.
Mingyu tips his head to the side, slightly bashful, mostly pleased. His hands come up to rest lightly on your thighs, just above your knees. Though you try not to react, you can’t help but tense at his touch. He notices it, of course, and his blithe smile wavers a bit as he inquires politely, “Have you…been with someone before?”
“Sure. I’ve kissed boys before. When I was younger. Other orphans. If that counts.” You flush, mind buzzing, suddenly aware that you’re grasping for words and spitting out whatever seems apt. “But anything beyond that…” You shake your head.
“Never?”
“I…never. No. Not with anyone.”
He pulls himself back up into sitting, the intensity in his eyes softening, as he reads your anxiety. Mingyu hums quietly, soothing hands tracing up and down your sides, “That’s alright. We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. We don’t have to do anything at all. Just sit here like this, if you’d like.”
His voice is so tender, so adoring that your stomach pangs, cramping with desire.
“Want to,” you manage to blurt, eyes widening when you realize your honesty.
Mingyu breathes a soft laugh, “Yeah?” His smile so beautiful that your heart kicks pathetically against your ribcage. “What do you want to do?”
You dither, timid and bashful of your own inexperience. Kissing, you could initiate fine, but anything else, you’re afraid of stumbling through it too slow or too fast and messing things up.
At your silence, Mingyu traces his lips over your brow, “Bravest person I know, remember? Be brave.”
His linen shirt wraps taut over his chest, one lapel over the other, ties knotted at his side. Emboldened, you reach to tug at one, watching greedily as loop loosens and then unravels. The shirt opens up, flashing a glimpse of bare skin that instantly turns your mouth dry. You flush heavily, heat prickling up to the tips of your ears.
Mingyu laughs, a quiet puff of noise and breath, before he’s leaning forward again to ghost his mouth over your cheek, over your temple. His voice murmurs right by your ear, “Very brave, dear Owl, well done. Should I help you?”
You nod furiously, turning to hide your embarrassment.
“Ah, ah. Don’t look away.” Mingyu catches you by the chin, thumb sweeping over your bottom lip. “You’re smart. Use your words.”
You let your head be tilted up, greedily taking in the craftsmanship of his face from closer than ever. He’s perfect everywhere, even at the tiny scar over his brow that you’ve just discovered. A quiet plea rasps from your throat, “Please.”
Mingyu’s pupils blow wide and dark. His lashes flutter. “Such good manners,” he murmurs and shrugs his shirt off his shoulders.
Immediately, your gaze snags over not the sturdy line of his collarbones, which are quite distracting, but rather a severe jagged line that splits right above his heart and over his left shoulder. The regenerated skin there has turned white, stark against the rest of his burnished chest. Your breath catches, as you imagine the horrible injury that must have preceded the scar.
Mingyu assesses your reaction carefully, offering you a tender smile when you glance up at him to implore silently. He presses a kiss to your forehead, mumbling, “Training accident when I was a kid. From one of my good friends, Seokmin. He cried for days after it happened. You’ll meet him soon, I’m sure. Make sure to give him hell for marking me up—”
You’ve dared to press your fingertips along the edges where the healthy skin stitches to the scar tissue to trace along the line, when Mingyu cuts off with a sharp hiss. Frightened that you’ve hurt him somehow, you pull your hands away, lifting halfway out of his lap.
“No,” Mingyu urges quietly, jaw clenched, “it doesn’t hurt. Just wasn’t expecting that. Sorry.” He reaches for your wrist, guiding your hand back to him. “Feels good. Promise.”
You splay your fingers over his chest, right over the healed skin, touch so hesitant that it tickles your own hand. Warmth bleeds into your palm, Mingyu’s steady heartbeat pulsing against it.
Be brave. You hold your hand there, over his heart, and reach with the other up, knuckles dragging along the line of his neck, feeling his throat bob as he swallows heavily. Skim your fingertips over the strong set of his jaw, trace them along the pout of his mouth, the same way you’ve been imagining doing all this time. Mingyu shivers beneath you, though his skin thrums with heat, lips parting to flick his tongue out and swipe it over the pad of your thumb. When you glance up, surprised, his eyes have turned wholly black now, bright with purpose, like a loyal hound, like a wolf on the hunt.
It’s the only warning you’re given before Mingyu surges forward, bracing his hands over your waist to move you from his lap to reclining onto the mattress. He moves with gentle intent, pulling a pillow beneath your head, caressing your cheek as he pulls away, tugging at the hem of your shirt in prompt. You want to comply but turn abruptly and overwhelmingly self-conscious of the way he watches you.
In the midst of your fidgeting, Mingyu huffs a chuckle, dipping his head mere inches from yours to squint at you playfully, “Suddenly you’re shy?” Before you can retort, he shifts the angle of his face so that his mouth tickles yours. Still so thoughtful in his own desire, always letting you close the gap. You tip your head back, catching his bottom lip with your teeth.
A surprised noise catches in Mingyu’s throat, and the final bit of restraint vaporizes away. You reach to hold his face, licking into the heat of his mouth, gasping when your tongue grazes one of his sharp teeth. With your free hand, you pull at the ties holding your own shirt in place. It’s all the permission Mingyu needs to stop keeping his hands to himself.
He manages to wrest the shirt off without breaking the kiss, calloused palms sweeping over your stomach, up your ribs, along your shoulders. When you pull apart to catch a breath, you marvel at the sight of him, pupils blown, mouth slick and swollen. Mingyu smiles back, a little dopily, like he’s living through a dream. His gaze roves over every corner of your bare frame, making you quiver beneath his inspection. You puzzle, when he finds every scar and blemish on your own body, presses his fingers or his lips against each one and asks about it. You answer patiently, amused.
“Got shot at by an arrow, thank the gods he was a poor shot. That one’s from when Soonyoung was teaching me a knife trick; it was mostly my fault. My sleeve caught on fire the night that the owlery burned down.” This last one you say in a quiet rasp.
Mingyu doesn’t say a thing, only presses his lips against your shoulder once, twice. A third time, lingering and tender, before he returns to your mouth. He kisses you, whisper-soft like a prayer, then tugs away to mumble, “I regret hitting you. I should have never agreed to, should have never laid a hand on you. Shouldn’t have hurt you. It is one of my greatest failures in life.”
Your smile trembles as you whisper, “I asked you to.”
“Doesn’t matter. It was dishonorable.” He says this, and then does something just as dishonorable, if not more, by grazing his fingers along the waistband of your pants.
Something about the discrepancy makes you tip your head back in laughter. Mingyu snorts and effectively muffles your laugh by undoing the knot of the tie there, now beyond waiting for your permission. This far in, you don’t have the clarity to shy away from being bared to him entirely, but he also doesn’t give you the chance to, as he shimmies down the bed to lower his face to nip at your inner thigh, dangerously close to where you ache for him.
You can’t hold back the yelp that wrenches itself loose from your throat when you feel the warm swipe of his tongue laving over where he just bit. Mingyu repeats this sequence a few more times, growing bolder with the force of his teeth and the decreased distance from your folds. Then, with a quick glance up at you to scan your reaction, he finds your clit with his thumb, pressing a tentative pressure against it. You kick a leg against the mattress in a reflex response, whining at the pleasure that buzzes at your lower back and zips up your spine.
Mingyu breathes a quiet chuckle, and the puff of air ghosts over your entrance, making you flinch again. “So reactive,” he purrs, before lowering his mouth to replace his thumb with his lips. When you cry out this time, he doesn’t let up, only laughs again, deep inside his chest, and continues sweeping his mouth over your clit, parting his lips and then closing them to suck gently. The noises loosened make you flush heavily, from your chest all the way to your cheekbones, but he continues on, shamelessly. Only when he’s satisfied enough, Mingyu shifts his weight from both elbows to one, to trace up and down your folds, tantalizingly, before crooking a finger in.
Throwing your head back onto the pillow beneath, you moan at the same time Mingyu groans. There’s a pressure, light but foreign, that you greedily adjust to as Mingyu flexes his finger in deeper and works it back out. He continues this motion on and on, setting a rhythm and building an ache inside you. You think that you could be satisfied, just like this, when he presses in another finger, soothing the added pressure with a firm suck around your clit.
Abruptly, the band that’s been slowly tightening over your stomach snaps, and you come, unexpected, with a wordless shudder. Mingyu barely reacts, notching his fingers up and into you as he laps up the rush of juices spilling from your folds. When you whine at the oversensitivity wrought from the steady wide strokes of his tongue, he finally pulls away, shushing you with a wet kiss against your thigh.
Mingyu pushes an arm against the bed to sit up, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, simpering and looking terribly proud of himself. He leans forward to give you a kiss that you taste yourself on, and you’re much too riled up for words now, so you tug at the ties of his pants with needy hands, shyly regarding the outline of his cock straining against the linen. Mingyu laughs into the kiss, gently swatting away at your hands to reach up and circle a nipple with cold fingertips. You hiss at the sensation, trying desperately to ignore the way he grins as he teases, clicking his tongue, “So impatient.”
When you reach for his waistband again, this time he allows you to undo the knot, though his own impatience shows when he shoves the fabric the rest of the way down and kicks his ankles free of them. He’s impossibly hard, tip messy and shiny as it drips with arousal. You’re fascinated by the amount of restraint Mingyu exhibits, despite being so affected. He’s leaning back, unmoving, watching you, and you realize that he’s allowing you the space to act first. You push yourself into sitting and lean to brush your palm against the underside of his cock. He’s heavy in your palm, skin remarkably warm and soft like velvet. There’s a moment of pause as you hesitate, contemplating, and then dip to lick at the slick sheen coating his head, humming at the clean taste of him.
The sound that rips from Mingyu’s throat is loud, pained, and lewd. His stomach tenses. For a moment, you think that you’ve hurt him, until he gently pulls your mouth off of him with a hand over your shoulder.
“I think—” He trembles, eyes screwed shut as he sucks in a heavy breath. “I think we should save that for next time.”
You grin, triumphant, and let yourself be guided back onto the pillows. Mingyu pulls his breathing back into a steady rhythm, roaming his hands up and down your body, over your sides, along the swells of your chest, across your stomach. You stare up at him, smitten by the reverence in his expression as he beholds you.
His large palm sweeps up the underside of your thigh, all the way to where it stills at the back of your knee where it crooks. He swipes his thumb there, once, twice, and then maneuvers your leg to wrap around his waist, heel pressed against the small of his back. Mingyu leans to hold himself by the base, sweeping the length of his cock over your messy folds in a dizzying motion that makes the both of you moan. You still your breath in anticipation, thoughts and vision and hearing fuzzy as he murmurs something you can barely decipher.
“You’ll tell me the moment that something hurts, or makes you feel uncomfortable. If you want to stop, we stop.” Mingyu pauses for your reply, then makes your mind collapse entirely by brushing your clit with his weeping head. “Owl, yes?”
You whimper, desperate to move onto something, anything. “Yes!”
“Good girl.”
He presses in and through, painfully careful, tortuously gentle. There’s an unfamiliar ache that you hold your breath against, until Mingyu presses all the way in. Once fully seated, he pauses, kissing you on the cheek, on the forehead, mumbling to ask if you’re doing alright. He lets you quiver through a few breaths, effortlessly patient, eyes glittering the whole way through, and then only shifts with a relieved smile once you give him a nod.
Heat curls deliciously in your stomach as he builds a rhythm, thrusting in and out, hips rolling fluidly. The room fills with the sound of your breaths mixing, of your pleading whimpers and content whines, of the slick slide of Mingyu. You grasp for anything your hands can find, twining over dampened sheets, scratching at the firm give of Mingyu’s sides, lacing with the fingers that he offers you, soothing and bolstering.
It doesn’t take long to be worked back up to the precipice of intense pleasure, and before you even realize it, there are short, clipped sobs being forced from your chest. You tug at the hand interlocked with yours incessantly, pleading greedily for more, more, more. Mingyu obliges faithfully, canting his hips forward more forcefully, planting a foot against the mattress so that he can shift the angle at which he thrusts up into you. He bends over in half to catch your mouth in a kiss that’s mostly panting, teeth catching at lips and tongues flicking over each other.
Mingyu lowers his forehead to yours, uncaring that there’s hair and sweat sticking to skin. He stares into your eyes, and despite the dim of the room, there’s a golden glimmer piercing through the heady cloud of pleasure in them. “Gods,” he breathes, followed by the sound of your name, “I love you so much.”
Without even meaning to, you let go of the restraint that you’ve been grasping at so desperately, keening in one breathless sound, as your throat catches. The ache that’s been building in your stomach snaps, in equal parts violent and relieving, and heat spreads like an icy prickle, in your lower back, at your nape, down your inner thighs. Your senses heighten past the extreme, and you feel everything in twofold, every drag, every caress, Mingyu’s breath puffing onto your shoulder as he rolls his hips, more languid now, to help you through the peak.
“There you are,” Mingyu soothes, lips skimming over your cheek, over your jaw, over your mouth, grinning wicked as you’re left speechless and panting for breath, “Beautiful girl.” He hovers over you, kissing you again and again, until you’re squirming, ticklish. When you recover enough that your vision clears, you clench around him, reaching for his jaw to tug him back into a kiss.
A tortured groan tears from Mingyu’s throat, but he’s shaking his head when you try to deepen the kiss and pull his hips back towards yours. He lifts entirely up and off of you, shuddering with a sharp hiss on the sensitive slide out.
You frown. “But you didn’t—”
Mingyu silences you with a chaste kiss. “That’s alright. I don’t need anything but for you to feel good.” He smiles, so guilelessly, that you don’t doubt a thing that he says.
-
Hours later, the night has deepened into a blue-black so dark that even the lamps are barely more than an orange glow in the corners of the room. You’ve spent the entire time since, tangled beneath the sheets with Mingyu, dozing in and out of sleep, murmuring in and out of conversation, kissing and touching and laughing.
“Do you think I’ll ever understand what it means to love and be loved?”
Mingyu lifts his head from where it’s nestled over your stomach, which makes your fingers tug gently from where it’s been threaded through his hair. Light dances in his eyes curiously as he hums, “You were loved. Are loved. Can you remember what it feels like?”
You try not to think of the past, especially not into the deep recesses of your mind where exists memories of the world when there was an owlery full of life and sound and color, a home that looked and smelled more like a library, every seam overflowing with paper and ink and paste. When the two people who loved you more than themselves were still alive. For Mingyu, you try to reach into those depths now, wincing to yourself when distant memories scrape painfully against your bleeding heart. The gentle brush of a furtive kiss against your forehead, careful not to wake you, when your father had retreated back into the bedroom after finishing his work late. Your mother’s warm, guiding hands that taught you how to seal an envelope neatly, to tend to an owl’s injured foot, to cradle books as if they were made from gold.
The tender softening of your heart. The desire to reach and to touch and to caress. The blurred boundary that exists between thoughts and feelings, where you act because you want to and not because you should. The urges that you resolutely shut out of your life in order to harden yourself against a world that didn’t love you.
You nod, hesitant. There’s a whole litany of words that your tongue itches to say, but they all sound like excuses. Breath shuddering in your chest, you mumble, “I’m afraid I won’t know how to love you the way that you deserve.”
Mingyu’s stare doesn’t waver. His mouth brushes once over the scar on your shoulder, then again over the one on your throat. “That’s fine. As long as you’re willing to try. Even if you fail.”
Your stomach pangs as you behold him. Mingyu, who has been created to love and to be loved. Mingyu, sun kissed and sun beloved, the closest thing to perfection that you’ve ever seen.
“You don’t deserve failure.”
“Hm,” Mingyu hums, visibly inattentive to your hesitation. His gaze grows dark, lids heavy, and before you can think to hold him back, his imploring fingers hook beneath your chin to lift your mouth to his. Despite yourself, you indulge him, breathing a whine when your bottom lip snags on one of his sharp teeth. A rumble builds in Mingyu’s chest, one that you feel beneath your fingertips when you splay them over his bare chest in a weak attempt to push him away. He bites again, intentionally this time, a quick, delicious sting, before he lets you.
You scowl, a little breathless. “I’m trying to be serious here.”
A perfect brow arches maddeningly. “Oh? So am I. I feel very seriously about this.” A cloying touch brushes over your bare hip, and you fight off a shiver.
“Mingyu.”
He laughs, carefree and happy. You wonder how he can manage to be, when it feels like your own heart is bleeding out. Mingyu shoves himself onto his hands to sit up, blankets slipping and pooling at his lap. Everything is distracting, from his elegant waist, the vast expanse of sun burnished skin, the terrible scar over his chest that has knitted back together white, the jut of his mouth, the slant of his eyes, to the sweat-damp strands of hair feathered along his forehead.
“Don’t look at me like that, if you mean to be serious,” he groans, and you flush, unable to help yourself. He shakes his head to clear the fog in his own eyes, then clears his throat to prompt your attention. “Owl, I mean this as the truth and nothing else, so please don’t find offense in it. I’m very blessed to be loved immensely by my family and my friends, and I have an overabundance of love to give. I do not, and will not, regret giving it to you. And if you happen to fail in returning it, I will not fault you, nor will I abandon you for it.”
Apprehension and wonder and reverence stills your tongue. When thought returns to your mind, you blink hard, forcing back the ache rising in your eyes. “You mean that, truthfully?”
Mingyu’s cheek dimples, as he reaches to swipe his thumb beneath your eyes.
“Promise. On a knight’s honor. On my life.”
-
“Oh, perfect. Knight, please get off my Owl. I need to speak to her.”
You lift your head from your book, wincing at the ache in the crook of your neck from not having moved for a few hours. The sitting room has turned fragrant with the scent of sunlight and oranges, as the warm early summer air filters through the open windows, gauzy curtains swaying and shifting in a peaceful dance. The rest of the chaise that you’re perched on has been haphazardly occupied by a certain knight, whose head rests on your lap as he naps, breaths even and quiet.
Uncaring of how his entrance has disturbed your peace, Soonyoung stands expectantly at the foot of the couch, arms crossed over his chest, brow arched in equal parts amusement and exasperation as he stares down at the man, pretending to be a lap dog.
Mingyu doesn’t budge from his spot, doesn’t even lift up to look, as he growls, “She’s not your anything. Bug.” It’s hardly a scathing insult, especially coming through a lisp made even clumsier with sleep.
“Down, mutt. It’s important. And just so we’re clear, she was my Owl, long before she was yours or Jeonghan’s.” Soonyoung rolls his eyes at you, quirking his mouth into a crooked smile. “I preferred things before you acquired the knight as a guard dog.”
You shut your book, reaching to tangle your fingers at the soft, recently shorn hairs at Mingyu’s nape, smiling when he makes a soft purr in response. “Hush, Soonyoung. I quite like having him around.”
Soonyoung mock gags, though there’s a fondness on his expression that whisks away when he grins, sharp teeth, even sharper eyes.
“Owl, how would you like to help me run a network?”
I remember adding this to my tbr because of the mention of the sun and the moon, and the last thing I was expecting to read something so poetic and ethereal. I've shed so many tears while reading it, this was a beautiful experience!!!! 🤎🌙
Warnings: graphic descriptions of violence and death, mentions of blood, possession and usage of weapons such as guns and blades, multiple breakdowns(yes, these characters go through a lot), mentions of abandonment of children, mentions of war, murder, threats, betrayal, inaccurate depictions of spy x family characters/plot devices(for plot convenience), mentions of criminal organisations, self-condemnation and self-blame, slow burn, lots and lots of angst (im sorry if i missed anything, please let me know)
Synopsis: You and Jihoon have been living a peaceful married life for the past year. One fine morning, WISE and The Garden assign the two of you with the same mission, unbeknownst to either organisation. What happens when the spy and the assassin end up finding out each other's identities? Will you be able to keep the peace you so desperately long for or will you ruin it with your own hands?
a/n: hi everyone, this is part one of my fic for the blockbuster collab and this if my first long fic? I might as well just call it my first fic and god I'm honestly so nervous. I'm so sorry it took so long and thank you for waiting. First of all, big big big thank you to @belovedgyu, @jakedustry and @nerdycheol for hosting this collab and for having me participate in it(and also for being such sweethearts and extending my deadline). Also a huge thank you to my lovely darling @mellowamour for being there for me throughout this journey and for beta-reading, and my lovely cutie @livmarauder for helping with the banner and the title, like seriously, I could not have finished this without you both(thanks for being there when I was crashing out and quite literally scrapped more than half of my original draft and rewrote the story). Last but not the least, thank you to all my fellow lovelies @choco-scoups, @caratchronicles, @gentleisa, @luvrung, @hopecutie, @pomegranate-teardrop, @onionhassayyo, @chogiwaw, @paradiseonthemoon, @cxffecoupx who were a part of the collab and made me feel so welcomed and excited about this. I got to make so many friends and finally gathered the courage to start writing so yeah, this has been wonderful and I am so immensely proud of everyone. I hope you enjoy reading this!
Playlist (not exactly a full playlist but a few songs that I listened to while writing this that hit hard) : What kind of future by Woozi | Farewell, Neverland by TXT | Strangers in the night by Frank Sinatra | Rewrite the stars by Anne-Marie and James Arthur | To you by Seventeen
a/n(2): I just discovered woozi covered spy x family OST and I am speechless. How insane that I wrote this fic without knowing this and ended up finding out now. Spy Jihoon was meant to be.
One Sunday morning, Jihoon wakes up expecting to go through his weekend routine — making breakfast, waking up his daughter, eating together and spending the rest of the day trying to get Anya to study. He freshens up and goes to the kitchen wondering how to make studying better for Anya when he pauses to see his wife awake and trying to cook; he immediately knows that this day was not going to go as usual.
You, his wife as of last year, are panicking over the breakfast you seem to be trying to salvage, desperately. Jihoon sees the hoard of dishes in the sink from your failed attempts, and as always, he goes over to help soothe you while making sure that there's edible food for everyone. He calls your name, seeing you flinch and look at him apologetically. "I'm so sorry, I was just trying to make a simple breakfast since you always cook but I can't seem to get it right. I didn't mean to wake you up or make such a mess." You start apologizing profusely, but he stops you by calling your name softly. "You don't have to cook when I can, you already do so much for this family, it's only right that you don't have to worry about this." He says, and thanks you for trying anyway.
Since he took over the cooking, you go to wake Anya in the meantime. By the time breakfast's ready, Jihoon sets the table to see that the two of you have come out of the room. After a peaceful breakfast, he thinks his day will proceed as expected after he fixed the fiasco this morning. He's interrupted by Becky, Anya's friend, who comes knocking at their door followed by her bodyguard, Martha. "Surprise!!! Anya! Let's go shopping today!" Jihoon sees his daughter eager to escape his nagging and lets her go for today, deciding it beneficial for her to bond with the Blackbell heiress.
Now that his routine of trying to get his daughter to study is out of the sequence, Jihoon thinks it a good thing, maybe I can get some paperwork done. He's interrupted from his thoughts when the phone rings, and he goes to pick it up since you're doing the dishes. "Jihoon, it's an emergency, your presence is required immediately." When he hears The Handler say, he informs you that he has an emergency at the hospital and rushes to meet with her.
Meanwhile, you are in the middle of doing the dishes when the phone rings again. When you pick it up, you realise it's a call from The Garden. A high priority mission, they say, an escort job like the last time on the cruise. Except this time, neither the client nor anyone else can know about your presence since it is going to be at the airport, the client will be departing on a "business trip" to leave the country. The client is reportedly a spy, which confuses you as to why The Garden would try to protect a spy. When you voice your confusion, they tell you, "She may be a spy, but the Red Circus should not get their hands on her as they will use her death as a political instigation to start a war against Westalis." The prospect of a war makes you determined to ensure this mission goes well, after all, the very reason you do this work is to prevent a war from hurting your family. It's different from your previous missions though, it requires you to be in disguise. "Additionally, you will have a team of three with you, all in disguise. It's a very sensitive mission and we cannot compromise our people or the client, so make sure no one recognizes you. No one should know any of you were there. She's leaving tomorrow." Those words keep playing inside your head as you try to figure out how to handle this.
At the WISE hideout, Jihoon is in the middle of a meeting where they are discussing the details of the new mission. "This mission is different from our previous ones, it's an escort mission." What? Jihoon questions if he heard that correctly. As if seeing right through him, The Handler looks right at him as she says, "That's right. An escort mission. The woman you see on the screen is one of our aides, Maya, who has been compromised. By that, I don't mean that she was discovered by the State Security, it is the Red Circus." That revelation catches Jihoon off-guard. "How?" He hears one of his colleagues question, as he wonders the same. "You see, she is an official with a family that no one would have suspected. As it turns out, her husband is part of the Red Circus and the two found out about each other's identities during the recent ruckus caused by the Red Circus, when she warned us about their activity." Once again, Jihoon is baffled. "How is that possible? Did she not see any signs during the time they were together?" The same colleague questions again. "He seems to have been with them since the very beginning and concealed his identity far better than any of us could have expected. We cannot always account for all the variables in life." Everyone seems stunned by The Handler's words, to think that the Red Circus had people that were so capable to fool a WISE aide for that long, it made Jihoon shiver just imagining the kind of damage they could do.
"Your mission is to ensure that she is escorted safely out of Ostalis, we cannot leave our aides to fend for themselves in times of danger like these. Leaving her in the hands of the Red Circus could cause the very war we're trying to prevent. They will use her death as the turning point to achieve their goals, painting it as Westalis' job and destroy this fragile peace between the two countries. You will be a team of four, with Twilight leading the mission. She will be leaving tomorrow for a "business trip", ensure that she boards her flight safely." With that, The Handler dismisses everyone. On the way home, Jihoon's mind is plagued by the weight of the situation, as it dawns on him just how badly the situation could escalate if anything goes wrong tomorrow.
When he gets home, he sees you cooking, again, despite his words this morning. Surprisingly though, his worries vanish when he sees that you managed to make something edible this time. "You look tired, I wanted to lessen your workload since you were called in for an emergency even during the weekend." Hearing your words, he smiles at you, thanking you for doing this for him. By the time you both are done eating, the bell rings and you see Anya in Martha's arms, in deep sleep. When Jihoon sighs at the sight, you just smile, endeared by them. Jihoon apologises to Martha, taking Anya in his arms and puts her to bed. Later, when both of you are in your rooms trying to sleep, you realise that even though the normalcy in your lives distracted you for a bit, the two of you are very much wide awake thinking about the severity of the mission tomorrow.
Monday morning arrives, with the two of you alert and awake. Jihoon goes to make breakfast while you wake up Anya and get her ready for school. Despite the mission ahead, you manage to maintain pleasantries the whole morning. You both send Anya off to school and part ways to get to work yourselves.
Anya, sitting in her school bus, is worried. She couldn't read her parents' minds today, it was a full moon after all. Even though everything seemed normal, both her father and mother seemed distracted. It bothered her that she didn't know the reason. She soon forgets about this once she gets to school and meets her friend, Becky.
You reach the City Hall on time as if you were here on your everyday work. Once inside though, your superior calls you in for an "errand".
"You will be disguised as Kira Blair, an American here on a vacation returning home this afternoon." Says your manager, pointing at the wig, scarf, mask, lenses and clothes.
Once you get changed into your disguise and step out, you are met with the sight of your teammates all in disguise, similar to you. This may be a different mission, but it's nothing you can't handle. You repeat those words in your head as you head to the airport.
Jihoon's team arrives at the airport around the same time your team is queuing up to enter the airport. As you enter, you discreetly look for your client and any possible attackers. Ironically, Jihoon stands a few steps away from you doing the same. When you pass by him at the security, Jihoon pauses, taken aback. Something about you feels so familiar but he cannot put a name on it. Before he can think about this more, you move further down the line while Jihoon finally spots the target. She's on the other side of the security check, alert and cautious of her surroundings.
You finish your security check when you spot Maya, making your way into a clothing store nearby while keeping your eye on her. Once Jihoon finishes his check in, he moves towards a restaurant close to the seating area where Maya is waiting for her flight.
You see your teammates moving around when you spot someone glancing at your client. At the same time, Jihoon spots someone moving towards her. This causes both of you to be on high alert, ready to move when you see the two passengers slip past Maya and head towards the gate open for a flight that is about to take off.
However, the two of you remain on high alert with that incident, keeping an eye on the surroundings while ensuring you don't make it obvious. Just then, Jihoon spots one of your teammates, nothing about him screams danger but to his trained eye, it is obvious that this person is not an ordinary passenger. He immediately straightens up, even more cautious, keeping an eye on him while trying to scope out the area to see if there are any more people like him.
You, on the other hand, spot one of Jihoon's teammates. Your gut screams at you that something is off, and when you look at your surroundings, a chill runs through your spine. Your senses alert, making you realise that the atmosphere is weirdly calm. Almost as if everyone is at complete ease but when you focus, none of them really are.
While you think of what your next course of action can be, Jihoon senses that the entire waiting area seems subtly alert. He couldn't pick up on this earlier, didn't think of this as soon as he walked in. He sharpens when he realises that the people here are far more skilled than he imagined.
You tap into your in ear monitor informing your team about your realisation. "There is a suspicious individual, he's wearing blue and is hovering around the sofa where Maya is seated." Having only identified one suspicious individual, you decide to lure him out to a closed space. "Kai, lure him into the washrooms and try to test him but do not alert anyone, please be careful not to involve anyone else."
Jihoon observes Kai moving towards his teammate, Lar and informs his team. "One suspicious individual identified, he's wearing a pink shirt and is currently moving towards Lar. Everyone, remain alert, we cannot cause a commotion here. Lar, be careful not to involve any civilians, we need to handle this carefully." While both sides trust their teammates to handle this, the teams still remain on high alert. You and Jihoon watch as your colleagues head inside an empty washroom, waiting with bated breath for them to come out safely.
A few minutes pass and when neither of you see your comrade come out, you both immediately spring into action. The moment both of your teams move, is when everyone recognizes there are more people. Apart from you and Jihoon, who are hidden in the restaurant and the clothing store, the rest of your teammates are exposed to each other due to their positions. With the realisation that your teams are exposed, you and Jihoon, as the leaders, take charge to keep your teams safe while keeping your positions in the dark.
Directing your teams to move, you and Jihoon check to see that Maya hasn't caught onto the commotion yet, nor has anyone else, thankfully. With no one having any weapons on their person, it all depends upon their physical combat. However, none can afford to draw attention towards themselves.
As you give instructions to your teammates, you realise that your every move is being countered, as if someone else was watching and instructing them too. Every time someone moves from your side, the enemy is already moving away. This fact has you looking around to find the other person, to see if your intuition was right, yet, you cannot find them.
At the restaurant, Jihoon is in a similar position, having observed how every move they make was countered, he could tell that there must be another person on their opponent's team instructing their teammates. He too, tries to find them to no avail.
Deciding to retreat for now, both teams move discreetly, enough to still keep an eye on the target but away from each other to not raise any suspicion. When your team is safe, you instruct them to lay low, deciding that the safety of the client is more important than eliminating the enemy. Jihoon too, instructs his team to focus on ensuring the target is safe over prioritising the enemy's defeat.
After the bitter withdrawal from the team fight, both teams refocus on their mission—escorting Maya safely out of this country. Still, everyone is extremely cautious, believing the other to be the enemy, all remain in complete awareness of Maya's movements as well as the enemy's movements.
Just as you and Jihoon contemplate how to proceed with the mission, an announcement interrupts you. "The flight to France departing at 14:30, boarding starts in ten minutes." You just have to keep her safe for these ten minutes and ensure she boards the flight safely. With the boarding time about to start, your teams are once again on the lookout for any threats near the target.
Seeing Maya move to get in line, Nora, one of your teammates, and Posie, one of Jihoon's teammtes, move closer to remain in the vicinity to protect her in case of any attacks. While they move, you and Jihoon remain in your spots, concealed from the enemy while trying to search for each other. Boarding starts in two minutes and the mission will soon be over, yet, neither of you can relax knowing that there are so many people here for reasons unknown.
A sound makes you and Jihoon pause, as the both of you turn towards the noise, realising it was just a child crying out loud, you both lock eyes. In that moment, both of you realise that you have found the person you were looking for. No one else would have reacted with that speed, but the fact that you did, gave you away to each other. Now knowing each other's positions, the two of you move to get away, because you cannot afford to confront each other and cause chaos in that critical moment.
"I've been exposed, I'm moving towards a quieter area, keep me updated with the progress of the mission." you say to your team.
"I've been compromised, I'll be farther away, keep me posted with the mission progress." Jihoon relays to his team as he continues to wonder why your eyes keep bugging him, almost as if something on the back of his mind is trying to remind him who you are.
You quietly move towards the restricted area, choosing a quieter place in case you are found again. Jihoon too, swiftly moves to the same area. You both are turning corners from the opposite sides when you, once again, lock eyes with each other. That is when Jihoon realises who you are, the person he saw at the entrance. He thought there was something so familiar about you, looking at you now, he wonders why he still feels that way, maybe because she's the enemy and my instincts recognised that, he reasons. Still, there's something about your eyes that feels so familiar and yet, he cannot tell because it looks like you have colored lenses on.
Knowing you have nowhere to go now, the two of you walk towards each other, sizing each other up, trying to decide how to go about this whole ordeal without airport security catching you. Once you get close enough to attack, you take out your hair pin to strike him while Jihoon tries to knock you out, only for both of your attacks to be useless against the other. When you realise this and change tactics, Jihoon manages to land an attack that has your mask slipping from the tips of your ears and your scarf tumbling down, exposing your face to him. In that moment, he is stunned, completely immobile; while you, despite being confused over his sudden inability to move, take the chance to strike at him, your hairpin accidentally hitting his face. The next moment, his disguise falls apart too, revealing the face of your enemy.
The two of you pause, a million questions running through your minds, confused and shocked beyond words. You think to yourself, what the hell is your husband doing here? All the while Jihoon is trying to understand the situation, because really, what in the world is his wife doing in front of him at this place? You both are brought back to reality when you hear your teammates reporting that Maya has successfully boarded the plane and it took off safely. With your teams urging for you to get back, you turn around, fix your disguises and revert because at that moment, it's all either of you can think of doing.
Getting back to your teams, both you and Jihoon stay silent, not answering your teams' questions. Still in shock, neither of you know how to move forward, but you're both keeping quiet about the whole situation, subconsciously. It is then that the thought hits you, you don't want to expose Jihoon. At the same time, he too realises that he does not wish to reveal your identity. That realisation keeps you both numb through the journey back to report to your organisations.
At WISE hideout, Jihoon and his team are gathered in front of The Handler, running through the course of events. When one of his colleagues mentions the other team discovering his position, Jihoon explains that he took cover in a restricted area and left the premises when his team reported the mission to be complete. On the way back home, he realises the weight of the lie he just told his comrades. If they were to find out what he did, not only would your life be in danger, but his too. After all, he would be suspected of treason. Still, he can't bring himself to expose the information that he, unfortunately, gained today.
At The Garden headquarters, you stand before The Shopkeeper while the rest of the team recaps the incident to him. Your coworkers mention that you were discovered, and The Shopkeeper turns to you to explain further. Your brain autopilots and launches into an explanation where you omit the confrontation altogether. On your way back, you realise that you hid the fact that your husband was the enemy from all of The Garden without hesitation. It dawns on you that your decision to do so could cost you both yours and your husband's lives, with you branded as the very traitor you so desperately tried to avoid being named as.
You reach home earlier than he does, seeing Anya watching her cartoons, your heart aches for her. Your thoughts spiral as you think of who he works for, why he does what he does and what this means for the two of you and for Anya, what happens to this family that you've built. If he truly is part of the Red Circus, why? Is there no way to make him turn away? Just then, the bell rings and your spine straightens as you prepare yourself for what might come. Anya rushes to the door, opening it and welcoming her father with a bright smile. He smiles at her as he walks in, then proceeds to scold her for not studying like she should be.
It feels surreal, the way everything seemed normal at that moment, like nothing happened, as if the two of you did not just discover something life changing about each other a few hours ago. When he looks up and meets your eyes, his gaze lacks the usual warmth, you realise. Of course, that is to be expected and yet, why does it hurt so much? Why does him looking at you like you're a stranger pinch at your heart so bad?
Standing in front of you, Jihoon sees the anger and pain in your eyes. It makes him see his own feelings mirroring yours. He should never have hidden the truth from his team, he should have killed you the moment he realised who you were, the moment you found out who he was. Yet, here he is, standing in front of you, in this place he has called home for the past year, feeling hopeless at the mere thought of you. He questions himself again, because why does the sight of you in front of him like this feel like betrayal? Why does seeing the pain in your eyes make him feel as if his heart has been ripped apart?
Anya sees the expressions on her parents' faces and is frustrated she cannot read their minds, not knowing the reason behind their discomfort makes her upset. Seeing how your daughter seems down, you both do your best to put her to sleep since you both know you can't have this confrontation in her presence. Once Anya's asleep, the two of you step outside her room, turning around immediately, pointing weapons at each other. You smirk to yourself wryly, wondering how you ended up in this position, with a gun to your head while you point one to your husband's.
"Who are you?" Jihoon asks, that question plagued his mind throughout the day, ruining him.
"I could ask you the same." You reply, having had the same thought mess with your mind for the entire day.
Jihoon presses closer, his patience running thin as he thinks of how wrong the mission could have gone. Seeing his aggression, you push against his chest with your gun, just the thought of a possible war making the rage in you explode.
The tension in the room is so thick it could cut through mountains. You stand in place, staring at each other as if it could give you all the answers you seek. It's only when the power suddenly goes off that you realise what you were doing, neither of you pulled the trigger when you both could have done so easily. Instead, you were still, as if time stopped while you desperately search for answers in each other's faces.
With the room now pitch black, you could no longer see each other's faces causing you to be alarmed. Immediately taking a defensive position, since you now know you're enemies, both of you assume this was a situation planned by the other to eliminate you. No longer being able to use your guns without causing a commotion, you abandon them to lunge at each other like you did earlier today. Except this time, he knows you use blades and dodges your attack just as you dodge his arm trying to tackle you. As you and Jihoon continue to attack each other to no avail, you curse in your minds at how difficult it is to even land a single hit.
Right, she's always been abnormally strong, Jihoon thinks to himself. He remembers the first time you two met, no wonder I couldn't sense her presence back then, it was because she's trained to hide it. He berates himself for not questioning it sooner, for not being more cautious while observing how swift and strong you truly are in this moment.
As you continue to attack him, you too realise just how quick he is and how it seems like he can read your moves, it pisses you off more than you already are. A thought pops into your mind, I let my guard down around him to the point I never realised how strong he was. That night where you both rescued Anya from the military forces and he flew a jet saying he once had a part time job that taught him to, you believed him, you believed him. Every single time, you trusted him without hesitation. It hits you how foolish you've been, not identifying any of the signs, letting him play you for a fool and your anger surges again.
When you lunge at him harder this time, Jihoon can feel it, the raw rage behind the attack, and the shock locks him in place as you manage to tackle him to the ground. Falling on his back, Jihoon braces himself for the impact of your blade against his skin but feels none. After what feels like an hour, he opens his eyes and is met with the sight of your trembling hand holding your blade against his neck but not cutting. You had the chance to kill him but didn't, the realisation has him stunned yet again.
You, on the other hand, are struggling with the torment of your conflicting emotions. Your mind says to kill, he is a traitor, the enemy, but your heart aches at the thought of killing your husband. With your mind in turmoil, you struggle to keep your grip on Jihoon. Your body betrays your exhaustion when the blade slips from your grasp and falls to the ground. Once again, you and Jihoon are frozen in place, trying to piece the situation together. It's at that moment when the lights turn back on and you can see each other's expressions clearly. The anger, the pain, the confusion, the shock, they all mix together as you try to figure out your next step.
You both rise to your feet immediately when you hear the door opening, Anya walks out rubbing her eyes. When she sees you both standing there looking all awkward, she frowns and asks, "Mama, Papa, what are you doing here?" As you both fumble to come up with an explanation, she yawns and proceeds to go to the washroom, deciding it's just you two being your weird selves. Seeing her walk away, you both sigh in relief but immediately turn to glare at each other. It's insane how Anya makes you forget your situation, making you realise how deeply involved you both have become in this family.
Knowing Anya will come back out any moment, you both stay in place, not wanting to involve an innocent child in your affairs. Once she comes back, she uncharacteristically asks to sleep with you. Unable to refuse her, you take her to bed giving Jihoon a look that signals this is far from over. Deciding to continue this tomorrow, Jihoon moves back to his room. Anya is in deep sleep while you're wide awake, questioning how your life has turned upside down within the span of twenty four hours. Jihoon too, cannot find it in him to sleep for the second night in a row because you plague his thoughts, refusing to let his guard down.
At this point, neither of you have realised that you have not reported each other to your organisations, both assuming that you did and that your organisations assigned you to eliminate the other.
Morning comes and you are both wide awake, having not slept a wink the previous night. Knowing you have to send Anya to school, you and Jihoon pretend everything is exactly how it was yesterday, using the normalcy of your lives in this family as an excuse to avoid the inevitable. He makes breakfast while you get Anya ready, that's how everyday goes and you both try to keep it that way today too.
Anya wakes up to you gently calling her, she rubs her eyes adjusting to the morning light when she hears you think, because it hits you now, the chaos of yesterday did not allow time for you to think about it but now, looking at Anya, you wonder, what will happen to Anya if you kill Jihoon? She would be devastated, surely. You question how Anya ended up under his care, slowly starting to wonder if anything you've known was ever true. As Anya hears your train of thoughts, she pales. The very thing she's spent a year trying to prevent, her parents finding out each others' identities, has come true. You see Anya's complexion looking haggard and worry, "Anya, are you okay? Do you feel sick? Are you hurt anywhere?" However, Anya cannot hear any of your words right now. She is panicking at the thought of what this could mean to your family, terrified she'll be abandoned again.
When you see her not responding to you despite you calling her name multiple times, your insticts kick in as you yell for Jihoon. "JIHOON!" He, who was in the middle of cooking, startles to hear you cry out for him, but his body moves before his mind can catch up. He runs to the room on reflex, and when he sees Anya, he understands immediately. His daughter looks as if she saw a ghost, you explain to him that she's not responding and he can see you losing your mind over it. You've always been very cautious around Anya, taking care of her like she's made of glass, he's seen you freak out over smaller things before and he realises why you yelled out for him so desperately. You love and adore Anya and seeing her unresponsive sent you into a state of panic that he's never seen you in before. He goes over to Anya, taking her into his arms while you try your best to keep yourself from crying. He tries talking to Anya when she suddenly bursts into tears, and it stuns both of you into silence. She weeps like never before and you have no idea what caused her so much pain but it breaks you heart to see your daughter break down like that.
As she continues to sob, you and Jihoon try your best to placate her the best you can.
"What's wrong, Anya? Why are you crying?" Jihoon tries to ask but receives no reply.
"How about this? I'll make you your favorite hamburger steak tonight, okay?" He tries to calm her with food but unlike every other time, his daughter doesn't react. Seeing this, Jihoon panics because because neither of you know how to make her stop crying. Just as he's racking his brain for a solution, he hears Anya mumble.
"A-Anya's scared."
Her words confuse you, what got her so scared that she's crying so much? Did she have a nightmare? That would explain it.
"W-will you l-leave Anya?"
Her words shock you, and you immediately ask, "Why would you think that?"
"B-because y-you," Anya pauses when she remembers she can't say that she knows your identities.
"Because Mama and Papa are fighting."
You and Jihoon immediately look at each other, wondering if she accidentally saw you battling each other. No, she was asleep and neither of you made a single sound that could have woken her up. Anya watches you two, reading your thoughts as her worries increase with your reactions.
"Why do you think we're fighting?" You ask her.
"You both look so serious and scary."
Hearing her say that, you both berate yourselves for not concealing your emotions better. Even though she is probably more sensitive to the tension between you as she is attuned to living with you, if a child can sense the difference, anyone can. Immediately, Jihoon tries to reassure her that's not the case.
"We're not fighting Anya, and we won't leave you. Don't worry about it, okay?"
Even though she knows he's lying about you not fighting, she wants to trust his words of not leaving her.
She looks at you as if asking you if that's true, and you soften. "He's right Anya, we won't leave you."
It's only then that she decides to trust you both.
"Promise?"
You and Jihoon look at each other and then at her, "Promise."
She reads your thoughts and realises you mean it, she cannot undo the fact that you now know each other's identities and she knows you will probably fight each other but she can tell, neither of you plan to abandon her.
"Do you want to go to school?" You ask, wondering if she can go in this state.
Anya shakes her head, she doesn't want to leave you two alone, scared you might kill each other.
You look at Jihoon, "I can stay and take care of her."
"I want to stay with both of you." You hear Anya say.
Jihoon looks conflicted, both of you staying together and pretending everything is fine is not something either of you wish to do. He sighs, softening when he sees the look on Anya's face.
"Okay, we can stay home today. I'll make your favorite and you can watch cartoons. Will that make you feel better?"
Anya brightens, nodding with a smile when she hears your thoughts, Will we be able to convince her that we're okay? Anya makes it her mission to make you both reconcile by the end of the day.
Now that all of you are going to stay home for the day, you and Jihoon make calls to let your superiors know that you won't be coming in today. They're surprised to say the least, especially when you mention that it is because your daughter is not feeling well.
Meanwhile, Anya tries her best to think of ways to make you and Jihoon reconcile. She finds Jihoon cooking the steak as he promised and rushes over to him. She looks up at him and says the words that make his world stop, "Anya doesn't want Mama and Papa to break up."
At the moment she says these words, you walk in to the hall and pause. Sensing your presence, Jihoon looks at you and sees the conflict in your eyes. He's sure his own eyes reflect the same turmoil. How are you supposed to continue to pretend to be a couple? The betrayal you both feel is impossible to leave behind and continue with your lives.
He must have reported yesterday's incident, if he doesn't kill me, his people will probably show up to do it instead. Anya hears you think, I should have done the same, what was I thinking hiding the fact that my husband was the enemy on the field?
At the same time, Jihoon wonders how long it would take before your people decide to eliminate him if you don't. Trying to think of places where they would probably try to intercept him, he plans to avoid them all. If he is killed, his team would be in danger, not knowing who found out his identity since he did not report the situation.
Anya, having heard both of your thoughts, realises that neither of you have revealed each other's identities to anyone else. It also seems like neither of you plan to do so anytime soon. It makes her overjoyed, even more determined to make you both reconcile.
You both break out of your thoughts when you hear Anya say, "I want to watch cartoons with Mama and Papa."
As you all sit on the sofa watching her favorite cartoon, with the two of you side by side as per Anya's request, you try your best to keep calm. However, the thoughts never subside, keeping you distracted and it shows when Anya looks at you both again. She sees how hard you're trying and failing to pretend all is well.
She makes you both play games with her, eat with her and spend the day as you would before this tension arose. By the end of the day, you both have managed to convince your daughter that you're not going to abandon her but Anya goes to bed disappointed that she could not make you both reconcile. She could hear you both thinking and she knew that your argument was far from over.
Once you made sure Anya was asleep, you turn to each other just like you did the previous night, except this time, neither of you make a move to fight. Having just spent the entire day with Anya, you don't have it in you to continue your argument from last night. You and Jihoon return to your own rooms, deciding to leave it be for now. It's only when you're both lying in bed, exhausted from having not slept for the past two days along with all the emotional stress you felt, that you remember you just turned your back to your enemy. He could have killed me at that moment, I let my guard down again even after knowing what he's capable of, you realise with horror. In his room, Jihoon is struck with the same thought, I've gotten used to this life, to her, I have to be more careful. Yet, neither you nor Jihoon realise that the other did the same, that you're both equally immersed in this family you've built.
It's Wednesday morning, and this time, everything seems normal when you get Anya ready while Jihoon makes breakfast. You eat together and see Anya off, but you don't greet each other like you usually do. You have been trying to ignore each other's presence while also being hyper aware the entire morning. You both get to work, going through the day as usual while trying to fight the thoughts that threaten to plague your minds.
When you get home, you go through the same routine, ignore each other's existence while pretending nothing has changed. That night, you lie awake again, this time, your anger rising again as you think about all the signs that you missed. The time he came dripping with blood to your colleague's party, it was only your second time meeting and yet, you didn't question him. The amount of times he had "emergencies" at the hospital, when he came home with injuries and claimed he had difficult patients, now that you think about it, what psychiatrist faces so many injuries so often? You feel angry at yourself for letting yourself be tricked so easily, he didn't even bother to try to make himself less suspicious. The thought irritates you, to think he thought you so easy to fool.
Jihoon is in a very similar position, thinking of all the times he thought you were suspicious but brushed it off as nothing. The times you came home so late, your unbelievable strength, he wonders how he was so stupid. He has always been two steps ahead, he was the one who fooled others, not the other way round. Yet, you got him this time, seeing you at one of his missions standing opposite to him as an enemy was something he never even imagined could happen. He feels angry at himself for putting his people in danger, it's his fault he didn't see through you. Another thought pops into his mind that makes him sit up straight, your brother, Yuri. He's a State Security Service agent, he always thought you didn't know about his job, but now he wonders, what if you did? If you tell your brother about him, Jihoon and his entire team would be compromised. With this thought, he makes up his mind to disclose your identity to The Handler tomorrow. Not once does it cross his mind that if you truly are a criminal, there is no way you would disclose your identity to a State Security Service agent since it would put you in danger, even if he's your brother.
The next morning proceeds like every other day, but this time, you're both angry again. You go to the City Hall when one of your superiors calls you in for a meeting. You wonder if they know, and the thought makes you more anxious as you realise that you still don't want to reveal your husband's treachery. Just as you're about to ask why you were called, you hear him say, "Our sources say that the people you encountered during your last mission were not from the Red Circus." Those words make you feel relieved, so he's not a criminal. Then that leaves one option, he must work for the State Security Service, it makes sense that they would try to eliminate a spy. Just as you think this, your superior continues, "They're not from the State Security Service either, they wouldn't have bothered disguising themselves." Your confusion must have shown on your face because he clarifies, "They're most likely from WISE, Westalis' intelligence agents."
The revelation leaves you horrified, he's a spy, I married a spy in order to not be suspected as a spy. You realise how ironic the situation is, an assassin and a spy posing as a married couple to hide their identities, even from each other. You school your features, trying your best to not show your emotions in front of your boss. Our marriage was probably the shield he used to secure his identity. The rage in you intensifies, to think that you have been living with a spy, you helped this man avoid suspicion, it disgusts you.
"I'm telling you this because you should be careful, we cannot guarantee what they would do if they found out The Garden is real."
Hearing this, you don't know what to do anymore. Just as you felt relived that your husband was not a criminal, you find out he's a spy. The confirmation that he's still an enemy leaves you devastated. "We still don't know why they were there, although, it is highly likely that they were there for the same reason as we were, to protect their spy." You leave work with many thoughts, confused and horrified more than ever.
When Jihoon goes to see The Handler, he doesn't get the chance to say a thing as he is ushered into a meeting with everyone from the team that went on the last mission. With everyone there, The Handler speaks, "This is about the team you encountered during the mission. Our sources confirm they're not from the Red Circus or the State Security Service."
This statement stirs confusion among all the agents, and one of Jihoon's teammates speaks up, "They can't possibly be some random group of criminals, they were far too observant and well trained for that." Everyone agrees and The Handler continues, "You're right, they're most likely from this organisation called The Garden."
Now, that has every single person in the room stunned, "Weren't they just a myth?" Somebody questions but Jihoon is too far gone to register who it is. The revelation rings in his mind as he realises he's both relieved and utterly horrified at the prospect of his wife being part of an organisation so secretive and dangerous, no one knows any details about them. On his way home, he's dazed and overwhelmed by this new knowledge of how terrifying you truly are.
Standing in front of the door to your house, you hesitate. Unlike all these days, you now know there is a spy on the other side of this door. You know he's home, you took your time returning because you couldn't face him just yet. Just the thought of it sends shivers down your spine. You don't know what to believe anymore, despite having been trained not to trust anyone in this world, you never imagined there would be a day where that person would be your sweet husband. Not so sweet anymore, you think to yourself bitterly at the thought of his cold eyes gazing into yours.
The Red Circus were originally advocating for equality but turned to terrorism after their people were killed, their main goal is to get Ostania to acknowledge their greivances and escape to safety. You were trying to reason with yourself about why your husband would be one of their members, but now? Now you know he's a spy, he was always the enemy. You remember the times everyone around you spoke about how spies are here with no other inention but to cause war. He's going to ruin the peace in this country, he's going to do the very thing I spent my life trying to avoid. You think to yourself as the anger inside you itches to stop him, Tonight, tonight I will kill him, no matter what it takes, for Anya, for Yuri, for every innocent soul in Ostania. Determined, you open the door and walk in.
The sight that greets you has you stopping in your tracks— Anya is laughing as she runs around the house playing with Bond, your dog, and Jihoon, he's watching them with an exasperated expression on his face but you can see the fondness in his eyes that he probably doesn't realise he's showing. It makes you realise that this man, this spy, no matter what his relationship is with Anya, truly cares for her. The sight that was once so normal everyday, now has you filled with emotions so intense you can't remember why you were so angry. You cannot imagine what would happen if Anya didn't have her father around anymore, just the thought of her tears makes you question if this is the only way, you don't want to be the reason for her pain. She's so much like Yuri when we were young, what would Yuri have done if I didn't return from one of my missions? I can't do that to Anya, I just can't, but what about the other kids in this country? What of the innocent people who will lose their lives in the war? Your thoughts spiral as you try to choose between saving your family and saving your country.
Jihoon sees you standing at the door and calls out to you, "Why are you just standing there?" You look at him, the way he's acting like nothing has changed, how, just for a moment, it felt like you were back to the time before this chaos. Hearing him, Anya turns to you and runs into your arms. She seems especially happy today and you cannot help but indulge her. No matter what happens, she will always be your daughter. I love this little girl, I won't let anything happen to her. You decide that you will protect her at all costs, against anyone who dares hurt her, just like you did with Yuri. You just don't know how to protect her from the pain you will inevitably end up causing her when you kill Jihoon.
Unbeknownst to you, Anya was trying her best to make everything seem normal because she wants her parents to go back to how they were. Jihoon was trying his best to keep calm, he didn't know how to deal with this situation now that he knew you weren't a criminal. You were a lot like him, trying to keep the peace within this country, in your own way. That thought made him want to try and work this out, he didn't want to endanger his team but he also wanted to keep his family safe for the sake of his mission, or so he tells himself. He hoped he could talk to you tonight. When Anya heard her father's thoughts, it made her overjoyed and she was hopeful about keeping this family intact. When she heard you think about how much you love this family too, she was over the moon and too distracted to hear you think about killing Jihoon. She goes to sleep content with the progress between you.
Facing Jihoon, you're contemplating everything again, What if he kills me instead? What will happen if we both die? Who would take care of Anya? What about Yuri? Where would Bond go? You know there is a high chance of that happening, he's very skilled, you're both pretty much equally matched. Jihoon calls your name and when you look up at him, something's different. His eyes are not cold anymore, there's that warmth you're so used to, and that confuses you to no end. Why is he looking at me like that? Why does he look like he's not angry anymore?
Jihoon sees the confusion in your eyes, he also felt your murder intent right before he called your name. He wonders, does she know I'm a spy? Does she hate me? She probably does. Why wouldn't she? She married me because she didn't want people to mistake her as a spy. If she found out she married one, she would obviously want to get rid of me. Just as he thinks that, you lunge at him, he dodges on instinct but it pains him. He can tell you know, he can see it on your face, the raw emotions that you no longer supress, much stronger than before.
He continues to dodge your attacks, deciding to let you just take your anger out on him. You continue to strike at him with your hairpin, trying to kick him, punch him, you try everything you can. You hesitated because of Anya but when you saw him looking at you like he did before all this, you lost it. It reminded you of how he lied about everything, you don't see your lovely husband anymore, you see the manipulative monster who was planning to destroy your life and many others with a war. Nothing he can say or do will ever make you forgive him, you will never be able to trust him again. Granted, you lied to him too, but you were trying to protect the very peace he chooses to ruin. You will do whatever it takes to stop this man tonight, even if you die trying.
As time passes, you realize he has no intention of attacking you, all he's doing is dodge you and you cannot begin to comprehend why. Why does it seem like he doesn't want to hurt me? It makes no sense though, there's no way he cares, not now, not after everything that has happened. His attempts at calming you down only fuel your rage further, making you charge at him harder.
When Jihoon sees that you're not going to stop, it looks like she wants to kill me tonight, no matter what, he tries to think of how he can try to get you to hear him out. As he gets distracted by that thought for a split second, you manage to land a hit on his arm, slashing his skin with your blade and blood oozes out of his bicep. Jihoon stiffens for just a second before he just lets you be, he decides that if this is what it takes for you to calm down so you both can talk, then he's just going to let you strike him.
You, on other hand, are completely frozen at the sight of him bleeding, it causes your brain to spiral into a frenzy of thoughts of him hurting because of you. You feel a sharp tinge of pain in your chest at that, you can't hurt him, even if he's a spy, even if he ends up ruining your people, you cannot bring yourself to do it. It dawns on you that you've come to care for this man so deeply that your heart twists painfully at even just the thought of him in pain. You were planning to kill him, but how can you? When you can't even bare the slight scratch you just made on his arm?
Jihoon sees you tremble, on the verge of tears, and he's confused, why are you crying suddenly? You were so full of rage and determination just a few seconds ago, what happened? It's when he follows your gaze to his wound that he realizes why, and his heart aches at the thought of you berating yourself for hurting him.
He calls your name softly, your eyes snap to his and that's when you break, your body fails you as you fall to the ground, the weight of your emotions draining everything from you. Jihoon rushes to catch you, he holds you gently as you cry, trying to make sense of what happened and how he can comfort you.
As you cry, you register that he's holding you, so gently as if you'll break if he holds you any tighter, and you start hitting his chest with no actual strength, trying to convey how unfair this is. He lets you, he understands how you must be feeling, it kills him to know that he's reason for you current state.
After a few minutes, Jihoon hears you murmur, "Why did it have to be you?" He doesn't know how to answer, he wishes so badly that you two never met, if only he could go back in time, you would never have to face this. Taking in his silence, you question him, because you need to know, "Why do you want to start a war? Why can't we just live peacefully?" The word 'war' causes Jihoon to freeze and you feel it, when you look up at him, he looks like he's confused and terrified. You don't understand why but he speaks up before you can voice your confusion, "Who told you that?"
"Huh?"
"Who told you I wanted to start a war?"
"I-I, that's, I just heard people say that spies are here for that reason alone."
He calls your name, "Look at me," and when you look at his face, "I have no intention of starting a war, the only reason I do what I do is to prevent one from ever happening."
His words shock you, "What? How is that possible?"
He looks pained at the accusation, "I would never hurt the people like that, trust me."
Trust me, those words make it more painful for you, because how can you? You convey your thoughts to him, "How can I believe anything you say when everything about you is a lie? How do I know you're not lying to me at this moment too?"
Jihoon feels stuck, he doesn't know how he can convince you that he's not lying, he gets why you cannot trust anything he says. How did our lives come to this? When he doesn't answer, you push him away, and Jihoon just watches you move away from him. "If you can't even answer that, then there's no point in trying, please stop pretending you care." You turn to go back into your room and sleep the day off because you don't have it in you to do anything else right now.
Lying in bed, you force yourself to sleep because your body is too exhausted for you to lie awake thinking about your situation. Jihoon stays awake for yet another night, it's becoming a routine at this rate, one he's not fond of. He cannot stop thinking about your question and the lack of emotion in your eyes when he couldn't answer. He wishes he did, he wishes he could, but he stayed silent because for once, he, Twilight, did not have a plan. He needs to try again tomorrow, he cannot let this affect his mission or let this situation escalate further until his team is compromised because of his carelessness, at least that's how he reasons to himself.
Next morning, you wake up late and immediately go to get Anya ready; when you both emerge in the hall, Jihoon has set the table and is waiting for you both. You continue to ignore him, placing your attention on Anya entirely. Jihoon tries to talk to you but it becomes obvious to him that you have no intention to hear him out. Seeing this, Anya gets sad but then she hears your thoughts, how both of you just want to live your lives like you have been, and decides that this is good enough.
You get to the City Hall for work as usual when you're called in for another mission. Good, I can get my mind off everything else. "This time, the target is a small town artist." You look at your superior, confused. "He's done quite a good job at pretending that's all he is for the last five years. He's one of the leading members of the association that has been trying to stir up trouble recently. It looks like they've been preparing for a long time. We need to eliminate this group before they do any more damage to our country." Hearing that, you are determined to make sure you succeed. Thankfully, this mission manages to make you forget about your situation at home for a while.
At the WISE quarters, Jihoon is being informed of his latest mission. "The target this time is this boy you see on the screen." The Handler says pointing to the photo of a man wearing a red scarf while trying to cover his face. "He's done a good job at hiding but our agents were able to find out his whereabouts as well as capture his features well. He looks like a college student but really, he's in his thirties, that is how he cleverly evaded the authorities. Your job is to ensure that this "boy" can no longer operate his circle of criminals by tomorrow. Eliminate any point of contact he may have had with any of his members. We want them to panic, they'll make it easier for us to get rid of them. Be careful though, we don't want to risk the safety of innocent citizens." Nodding his head, Jihoon plans exactly how he's going to execute this mission.
Back home, both you and Jihoon are too occupied with the thoughts of your missions looming over your heads that Anya wonders if everything is back to normal. It feels just like before but when she senses the odd tension between you, she realises it's not, not yet at least. She can tell though, it's all going to be fine, she's seen this happen in her cartoons, so she goes to sleep content that things seem to be going well.
Friday afternoon, Jihoon is disguised and heading towards what seems like an old, narrow street. He stops when he spots him, his target. It's baffling how normal he looks, like a college student on his way home for lunch. Jihoon could just take him out right now and no one would know but the words of The Handler ring in his mind, "Eliminate all points of contact, make sure his death does not trigger his group into action." I need to map his circle, and I should be able to get this done by tonight. Jihoon thinks to himself as he trails his target for the day.
Evening rolls around by the time Jihoon has his target exactly where he wants, away from prying eyes and easy to get rid of, in an old alleyway. Just as his target takes a turn around the corner, Jihoon prepares himself to attack when he finds no one upon turning. It hits him then that this mission has been sabotaged, and these people were far more terrifying than he originally imagined. Just then, he senses a presence from behind and turn just in time to block the knife lunging at him. When he looks up, he finds the same man he followed looking at him with a murderous intent so strong, it suffocates him. Immediately, the man launches into a series of attacks that Jihoon manages to defend easily while questioning how this could have happened. There's no way he sensed me trailing him, Jihoon's eyes widen when he realises that there's only one other possibility, there is someone else who has been watching him. I let my guard down, I did not think of the possibility that there could have been another person, but the fact that I did not sense them proves that they're more skilled than we anticipated. As he berates himself for not discovering this sooner, Jihoon tries to locate the person who's helping this man in front of him. It's at that moment when Jihoon hears a shot fired and he instinctively ducks, dodging the bullet meant for him by a narrow shot. The shooter must have thought they could take him out while he was distracted with the attacks he was dealing with, Jihoon smirks to himself, how unfortunate for them, now I know where they are. Having had enough with the man's petty attacks, Jihoon swiftly knocks him out and runs into the building beside him, using the unconcious man as his shield.
Once inside, Jihoon refocuses, his mission was to eliminate this man and his circle, how convenient that the man's teammate decided to make it easier for him by showing up. Jihoon quickly disposes the man's body along with his disguise and moves to locate his partner. He identified that the shooter was seated at the rooftop of the building right opposite to the one he's currently in. Of course, he must have moved after realising he was caught, Jihoon commends them for trying but it's far too easy for him to recognise the pattern. As he rushes to get to the corner of the building where he assumes the shooter is, Jihoon stops in his tracks when he hears commotion nearby. Nobody else should be here at this time, unless, it's more of their teammates. Jihoon cannot tell if it's good or bad that he managed to encounter so many of the group at once. Deciding to deal with them later, he moves towards the shooter when he sees something flash by from the back of his eye. It stuns him in place, a blade, your blade, to be specific.
What the hell are you doing here? Jihoon realises that it really is you when he sees the shine of your blade again. He got so caught up in his thoughts that the shooter has moved again, and this time, when Jihoon sees the pattern again, he's horrified, because the shooter is moving to a position to shoot you. Jihoon cannot get there in time to stop the shooter, so he turns and runs towards where you are. It's his mission to get rid of this group but at that moment, all he can think of is you, the thought of you getting hurt is unbearable and he sprints just in time to see you finishing up with your target.
You had just eliminated your target when you see Jihoon running towards you like a madman, his sudden appearance leaves you still as you question why he's here. Why does he look like he just saw a ghost? Why is he running like that? As you stand there wondering, you both hear it, the gunshot. It hits you too late that the bullet was aimed at you, you brace yourself for the impact when you feel something push you aside and into the corner where the shooter could no longer aim. Frozen from the impact, it takes you a few seconds to process what just happened and when you look up, you find yourself in Jihoon's arms as he looks like he's also trying to compose himself after the entire fiasco. He saved me, he ran like that and pushed me aside to save me, but why? You look at him in disbelief, unable to comprehend the situation for it all happened too quickly.
Jihoon feels like his heart is going to explode, it was pumping so loud when he was running to get to you in time and it stopped for a second when he thought he was too late, and now, it's racing again but with relief, relief that you're alive. He scans your form to see if you're okay when he spots blood and panics; the bullet had managed to scrape your arm, "You're hurt", he says as he finally sees the look on your face. He can see that you're confused and shocked, but the haze behind your eyes worries him. He calls your name, "Look at me, please."
While trying to understand what happened, you feel your head spin, but when you hear his desperate plea, you look up at him, trying to let him know that you're okay. You can feel the symptoms, the bullet was laced with toxins, probably to make the person weak and take longer to recover. You convey this to Jihoon, "I'll be fine, it was just a graze, I just feel a little dizzy, it's not going to do anything to me." Even as you assure him, you cannot stop thinking of why he saved you or why he is so concerned at this moment, even if he didn't want to kill me himself, there was no need for him to save me, more so by running like that, and so desperately.
Jihoon, not so convinced by your words, opens his mouth to argue when you both sense it, someone is coming. Right, the shooter is still out there, but wait, there's no way they would make a move like this, so direct. It hits Jihoon that this is someone else, shit, there are more of them. Why now? While he's thankful he gets to eliminate this group at once, the situation is different now, you're injured and he cannot focus with you like this.
You can see Jihoon's train of thoughts on his face, how have I never realised he wears his emotions so obviously? Or maybe it is just because he's distracted right now. "Focus, Jihoon." Hearing your words, his eyes sharpen, and the Twilight everyone heard about was back. Without another sound, he moves you towards the small alley nearby, "Don't move, please just stay safe." You're about to retort that you can take care of yourself just fine when your head spins again, reminding you of your current state. When you stay silent, Jihoon takes it as you agreeing with him and turns to go deal with these criminals.
You watch as he puts on another mask and walks into the building, hidden from your place where no one can see you. You see Jihoon swiftly deal with the man who was trying to sneak up on the two of you earlier. Even thought you knew he was a spy, watching him in action makes it all surreal, he is scarily calm and unnervingly smart. His cunningness showing when he tricks one of the other men into leaving his safe position by pretending to be his teammate. A shiver runs down your spine, this is the man you've been married to for a year, the man you've been living with, this man who is eliminating a group of armed men with an ease that only comes with experience, the same man who looked rattled at the thought of you bleeding from a graze. Your heart is filled with mixed emotions as you realise this is far more complicated than it should be.
Just then, you spot the shooter again, only this time, you see another one, opposite to where the one who shot you is positioned. Jihoon knows about only one of them, this second one has just arrived from the looks of it and the thought terrifies you, Jihoon does not know. He doesn't know there's another shooter, he's dealing with multiple criminals— he's vulnerable, you can't even scream for him to hear you because he's too far. Desperate and full of adrenaline, you run towards him when you see this shooter aim. There are no other thoughts in your mind except saving Jihoon as you sprint with all your might and this brings everyone's attention to you.
You cannot reach him fast enough due to the toxins slowing your body so you scream, "There's another shooter to the far left on the opposite side, run!" Just as you finish your sentence, it all explodes, bullets start raining from both sides with the targets being you and Jihoon. Thanks to your warning, Jihoon manages to avoid them and runs into the next street while you hide in the building nearby. With the two of you now separated, Jihoon curses himself for not being able to protect you. You left your safe position to warn him because he did not see the other shooter, it was because of him. You put yourself in danger for him. He cannot just stand there and keep pretending to be okay when he knows you clearly aren't.
He feels his rage grow, towards himself for missing so many signs, at you for putting yourself in danger when you were already injured and at these idiots for trying to hurt you, he moves with more aggression this time, and puts everyone who's in his way down as he searches for you desperately. One of them lunges at him with a knife, stupid, Jihoon thinks to himself, he can see the gun attached at the man's waist, he should have used that instead, oh well, let me teach you before you die. Jihoon blocks the man's pathetic attempt at stabbing him and twists the knife out his opponent's hand, breaking the man's wrist in the process. Jihoon kicks him in the stomach and pulls out the gun he saw earlier and shoots the man in the forehead. He proceeds to use that body as his shield from the shooters while using the gun he acquired to take the others out.
On the other side, you feel your body sway but still better than before and decide to look for Jihoon. You're about to step out of the building when you hear a menacing laugh and you turn around to see a woman looking at you like you're stupid to even try. "Well, well, well, what a damsel in distress we have here. What do you think you can do out there, hm? Oh, is that man your partner?" When you don't reply, she continues, "Or is he your lover? You did run to save him, hm, how stupid. Do you really think you both can leave this place alive? That dumb lanky man is probably already dead by now. Didn't you hear the rain of bullets and screams?" Hearing those words, you glare at her and she smirks, "That hit a nerve, huh? Interesting, but oh well, unfortunately for you, you'll never see your man again, you'll die here now." She snickers, "You both will die here in our hands, maybe you'll see each other in the after life. How romantic, isn't it?" As she finishes, she aims her pistol at you, ready to shoot when a blade hits her palm that is holding the gun and a loud scream echoes in the walls of this abandoned building. She was so busy mocking you that she didn't see you taking your blade out to strike her. Watching her crumble to her knees holding her bleeding palm, it's your turn to walk to her as you speak, "The number one rule when fighting is to never, and I mean never, take your eyes off the opponent. Overconfidence like yours will get you killed within seconds, like now." You end your sentence as you slit her throat with your blade. Blood splatters all over the floor as you turn, determined to bury these criminals underground.
Stepping out, you're immediately attacked by two more people, one lunging at you with with his bare fists while the other was holding a knife. Having anticipated this, you swiftly slide across them in a narrow second making them hit each other instead. Without giving them a chance to recover, you take your blades and slash their throats in one go. This has gotten a lot more bloody than I was expecting, you look at the blood splashed everywhere from all the bloodshed, cleaning up is going to be quite tedious, you sigh, moving onto the next enemy who's charging at you from behind.
Jihoon, on the opposite side of the building you took shelter in, is barging his way through the hoard of bullets by shielding himself with the same man's body when a certain thought makes his blood go cold, why and how are so many of them here? It's like a planned ambush with the way they're positioned, his senses sharpen when he realises there's only one possibility, there's a mole, either from your side or mine. He moves faster, determined to get to you, he refuses to think of the possibility that you're dead, no, she's strong, she can handle these pests, but wait, she's poisoned, a groan resonates from his throat, she'll be okay, she has to be. He keeps repeating those words in his mind as he fight off more of these pests.
You have moved further enough to be in the shooters' line of sight again and this time, you're prepared—you turn to their positions and glare, challenging them to try. Knowing that you've just hurt their egos, you sprint down the alley to get to those shooters, skillfully avoiding their rage of bullets. You step inside the building they're in and look around to see what looks like an old warehouse. You can sense that there are about five of them around, waiting like hyenas for you to step into their trap. They don't seem to realise that you can sense them, I was so distracted that I didn't even sense these people when I first got here, no wonder they have such confidence, well, good for me. You decide to play into their game, let them think they have the upper hand and that you don't know they're waiting, it's going to be easier to deal with them one by one anyway.
Unbeknownst to you, Jihoon has also entered the same warehouse from the other side, there's no one around, but that makes no sense, there's no way they wouldn't have stationed people to protect the shooters. After thoroughly checking and confirming that there really is no one, Jihoon strides towards the stairs to head up to his targets. He hears footsteps rushing down the stairs like they're in a hurry, confused but alert nonetheless, Jihoon takes a defensive position before deeming it better to attack first instead. He waits for the first person to come down before tackling them down with his arm, he swiftly gets rid of them one by one before making his upwards.
Reaching the rooftop, Jihoon can sense the ominous atmosphere—the fact that they have remained here waiting for me proves that they're good with close combat and prepared for it. Taking his own gun out this time, he moves carefully, trying to locate his enemies. He makes eye contact with one of them and in the next moment, bullets fly all over the place while he engages in a battle with the woman. She cannot land a single hit on Jihoon but he's just as frustrated since he hasn't been able to take her down either. Jihoon and the shooter both run out of ammunition and the place is eerily silent when Jihoon remembers that the other shooter hasn't made their presence known but is still very much present. Alert and momentarily unarmed, Jihoon loads his gun quickly while continuously looking over his shoulder for any attacks.
Just as he turns to continue the fight, he hears footsteps, it is you, he can tell from the corner of his eye that your blade is targeting the other shooter, who is now busy trying to fend you off. Relieved that you're okay but horrified that you're fighting a man with a gun with just your blades, Jihoon refocuses on defeating this shooter first so he can get to you in time. He just hopes you don't get hurt until then. Thankfully, the woman he was fighting was distracted with reloading her own gun to attack him while he was distracted by your sudden appearance. She launches into her previous position, determined to shoot him this time but Jihoon had figured out her pattern by now—she moves quick, he'll give her that but the pattern is too obvious to his trained eye, he can tell exactly which position she'll take next and that is enough for him to land a shot straight to her heart, leaving her bleeding to death.
Jihoon confirms her death before whipping around to see you slicing throught the man's chest and he watches as the shooter falls to the ground clutching his bleeding chest before his breath stops. For a moment, there's nothing but silence as you both take in the fact that it's over, and when your eyes meet, it's like your feet have their own mind—Jihoon's legs move of their accord as he rushes towards while and you do the same. You crash into Jihoon's chest as he holds you like he never wishes to let go. You just stay like that for a few moments before moving just enough to look at his face. Jihoon brings his hand up to your face, holding you so gently and the look on his face so fond, "Thank goodness, you're safe." He leans forward until your foreheads touch and it is in that moment that you feel it, he never lied about caring, he always did. The next second, the words are flying out of your mouth before you even realise what you're saying, "I trust you, Jihoon." Jihoon freezes, looking up at you with wide eyes as if he cannot believe what you just said. Realising how abrupt that was, you're about to explain when Jihoon responds, "Thank you for trusting me," he calls your name making you look into his eyes, "I'll explain everything to you, I promise, I don't want to hide from you anymore." Hearing his words, you nod, "I don't wish to hide from you either."
The sound of a dog barking brings you both back to your senses, realising where you are, you look around at the bloody scene before making eye contact and you both shake you heads as a small smile takes up your faces. Despite the circumstances, at least you both now know that things are going to be okay, that you can work this out together.
After ensuring that you eliminated all the members of the group, you and Jihoon split up to go report the unforeseen massacre that occurred. With both of you choosing to conceal the fact that you met on the field, you inform your organisation about the entire incident, mentioning that there was someone else but they were also there for the same mission and were skilled enough to escape from you—of course, Jihoon matches you word to word when reporting to The Handler.
You reach home earlier than Jihoon, seeing Anya already asleep because you were late. Did she even eat anything for dinner? You worry before you spot a sticky note with Jihoon's writing, "I might be late tonight so I made some dinner and put it in the fridge, heat it up and eat it if I'm not home on time." That brings a smile to your face, he's always so attentive, you open the fridge to see that Anya has eaten her portion and you hear your stomach protest with hunger. You heat up a plate of food for yourself and sit down at the dining table, as you take a bite, tiredness finally hits your body. You continue to eat while thinking over everything that happened today, and just as you start to feel concerned about why Jihoon is not back yet, the door opens and he's home.
Jihoon opens the door to find you looking up at him in the middle of taking a bite of the casserole he made this morning and the sight has him so endeared that he automatically smiles, relaxing, because this is home. You startle at the sudden smile, he looked so unbelievably fond at that moment that you choke on the food in your mouth. Seeing you cough violently, Jihoon rushes to get you a glass of water, "Here, slow down, please be careful." Embarrassed, your entire face turns red as you chug down the glass of water he gave you. Jihoon just chuckles, finding you utterly adorable.
Setting your glass down, you tell him, "I heat up some for you too, it's in the microwave." Thanking you, Jihoon gets his own dinner and sits down across you as you both eat in comfortable silence. It's funny how so much has changed in just a few hours—here you are, sitting face to face and eating so peacefully when this morning, neither of you could look at each other properly because of the tension between you.
After putting your dishes away, you and Jihoon settle on the sofa with one thought, we need to talk. "Let me start first, I want to clear the misunderstanding you have regarding spies." Jihoon says, looking at you for permission to tell you his side of things. When you nod, Jihoon smiles and continues, "I know what people say and I know that the government makes it seem like we're here to start a war but trust me when I say this, we are not. The last thing I want is a war, I lost my family to one when I was a child and I do what I do to ensure nobody else has to go through that." That sentence breaks your heart, making you feel guilty for accusing him of the very thing that caused him so much pain. "I was young, I was out playing with friends when it happened, both my parents were killed and I had nowhere to go. I became a soldier to survive and years later I met with the friends I thought I lost that day, only for them to be sent on a mission and die in war too. I decided then that I was going to stop this, I have to do whatever it takes to keep this peace because I don't want any more innocent people to die in the aftermath of political issues."
He pauses when he sees your expression and slowly reaches his hand out towards your cheek, it's only after he wipes the tear off your cheek that you realise you were crying. Hearing him talk about his past and his reasons made you think of your own, how all you ever wanted was to protect your family and the thought brought you to tears without realising. "I'm sorry," you hear him say and look up in confusion, because why is he apologising? "I'm sorry I deceived you, I'm sorry you had to find out like that and I'm sorry you suffered so much because of me." God, if he keeps saying things like that, you're only going to feel even more guilty. "It's not your fault, and besides, I deceived you too." Hearing that, something in Jihoon softens, and he just rubs the back of your hand in comfort.
"It's my turn to explain things, I was young when I started this line of work too, it was just Yuri and me so I had to make money to survive. The reason I took up this job and continue to do it is because I want to keep my brother safe, I want him happy and living a comfortable life. I've been doing my best to keep this peaceful life we've built so I hate it when I see someone who wants to destroy that. It's why I was so angry when I thought that you were one of those people." Jihoon understands everything now, the rage in you that wouldn't subside, the despair he saw in your eyes the night he tried to talk to you, it all makes sense now, and his heart aches for you.
"That day, at the airport, why were you there?" When he hears your question, he looks into your eyes so you can see that he's being sincere, "I was there to protect Maya. You were there for the same reason, weren't you?" You nod in answer, relieved that your assumptions were true. "To think I assumed you were part of Red Circus, I hated you at the time. I hated you for being a criminal, I hated you for wanting to cause harm to citizens and I hated that it was you." Your words hit him like a knife to the heart but he knows it cannot be helped, after all, he thought the same. "I thought the same, although I could not figure out why in the world you would be part of something like that." This time, you look at Jihoon with earnestly, "I don't anymore though, hate you, I mean." You can see the man physically melt at your words and it's so endearing.
"I never hated you, I could never, even when I thought you were a criminal, it's like my heart could not bear the thought of hating you, I was just angry at myself. I'm not telling you this because I blame you but because I want you to know that you have occupied so much of my life that I just cannot think straight. So please, don't blame yourself for feeling what you did, I would have hated me too if I were in your place. You married me because you didn't want people to think of you as a spy, so I cannot imagine how you felt when you found out I was one." Tears stream down your face as you take in what he said, even now, he's worried about how I feel. Jihoon stills when you suddenly wrap your arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He can feel your tears drenching his shirt and he just holds you, rubbing your back and patting your head, trying his best to comfort you.
After what feels like an hour, you move away enough to look at him, "So, what now? How do we proceed from here?" Jihoon's eyes suddenly widen and it scares you, "What's wrong?" He remembers now, The Garden, how are you going to deal with them? "How long did your organisation give you to get rid of me? When do you think they'll send other people to do it instead? Wait, would they come after you too if you don't do it?" Seeing him ramble, you interrupt him, "I didn't tell them." It's as if the world stopped the moment you uttered those words, Jihoon turns to you slowly, "What did you say?"
"I said, I didn't tell them."
"What? Why?"
"I couldn't bring myself to."
He knows what that means, he knows what you felt and that is enough to render him speechless.
"What about your people though? Won't they take action too?"
He hears you ask him, "I didn't tell them either."
You look at him surprised and before you can ask him why, he says, "I couldn't bring myself to either."
There's complete silence for a couple of seconds before you both chuckle, "I guess we were both worried for nothing." You shake your head, "So what? Do we just continue our lives like before? Keeping our identities secret?"
Jihoon shrugs, "Well, it's not going to be the same since we know what we do now and I think you too figured out that there'e a mole, but we can try. If you want to, of course."
You smile, "Yeah, I want to, I want to care for you and I want you to care for me."
You remember the last time you fought, "You know, in between, I was so terrified for Anya, I questioned myself if killing you was the only choice because I didn't want to cause her the pain of losing her father. When I think about it now though, I think that was just an excuse, I mean yes, I didn't want to do that to her but I also couldn't bear the thought of losing you. I just didn't want to admit that to myself at that point. I also questioned how she ended up in your care, but then I got home that day to see you looking at her so adoringly that I could tell you cared and that was enough for me."
"You have no idea how grateful I am that you gave me a chance, thank you for trusting me." Jihoon says with a wide smile on his face.
"And thank you for caring and staying." You reply with the same lovesick smile on your own face.
"It's not going to be easy though, if we end up crossing paths like this often, it will get harder to keep this from our teams." You're right, Jihoon gets serious again listening to your concerns.
"It certainly won't but we now that we know, at least we won't be caught off guard." His reasoning makes sense, and it calms you a little.
He calls your name, "I care for you, I want to stay by your side, and I love you. I think I have loved you for a while now, I just didn't realise it until those feelings were put to test like this. These past few days have been hell for me, I don't think I can see you go through such pain ever again so I'll try my best to protect our family. I need you to know this, not because I want you to love me too but because I want you to know that I will always be here, always."
You feel your heart race at his confession, never would you have imagined Jihoon to say something so profoundly emotional and yet, here you are. You think back to all the times you had the chance to end this, to leave him but you didn't, because I couldn't. Your life has always been chaos, you only ever had Yuri and although you love your brother to bits, you never realised how lonely you had been until Jihoon and Anya came into your life. You life is still chaos but there's something special to it now, your adorable daughter brings mischief and adoring husband brings calm that you will never let anyone take from you.
So, when you see Jihoon looking at your intertwined hands and shaking, you know that you love this man as much as he does you. "Jihoon, look at me," his head snaps up so quick you crack a small smile, "You're a fool, a naively annoying fool if you think, for even a second, that I'm not hopelessly in love with you too." Jihoon's eyes water and you squeeze his hand as if to say that you're right there. "I lived a life revolving around my job and when my brother grew up, I would come home to feeling empty because I had nothing to do. Now, I look forward to coming home to you cooking and Anya running around the living room because something that simple brings me immense joy that I cannot even begin to describe. The reason why I felt so betrayed and hurt was because I was already in too deep, you're my family and nothing will change that."
You just barely finished your sentence when you feel Jihoon's hand come up to the back of your head as he crashes his lips onto yours. You can feel the weight of his emotions as he kisses you so deeply yet holds you so gently as if afraid he would hurt you otherwise. You still for a moment before reciprocating his passion as you kiss him back, no longer holding back. You break apart, panting for air as you slowly open your eyes to find Jihoon already looking at you. "I love you." You lean in to gently kiss him, "I love you more."
"Anya loves Mama and Papa." You both startle as you see Anya standing at the door of her bedroom and smiling at you, you were so absorbed in your emotions that neither of you heard her come out. You squeak as you break away from Jihoon, feeling embarrassed that your daughter just saw you kissing and see from the corner of your eye that Jihoon has turned red too. "Anya, why are you up? You should be sleeping." Although he tries to sound stern, his voice gives him away and Anya starts laughing as she runs into your arms. "Anya is so happy that mama and papa are happy."
You're overwhelmed again and when you look at Jihoon, you know he feels the same. Anya jumps up on the couch when she suddenly glares at Jihoon. You see him panic, it's so obvious on his face, "Why is papa not hugging us?" He softens and comes to wrap his arms around both of you as you stay cuddling together until your daughter falls back asleep.
When you hear Anya snoring, Jihoon carefully takes her into his arms and tucks her into bed. You watch him as you think to yourself, he's always been Anya's safe space and he's become mine too, remembering the time you broke down in his arms even when you thought he was the enemy. It wasn't because you were exhausted or let your guard down but because you find sense in his presence. This man, your husband, is the partner you never knew you needed but are grateful to this universe to have brought him to you.
Jihoon turns around to see you staring at him with blatant adoration and something about the way you don't hold back anymore makes him weak in the knees. He walks to you, "Why are you staring at me like that?"
"Seeing you tuck our daughter to sleep just makes me feel so soft and warm, I couldn't help it."
Jihoon stutters for a second before he smiles at you teasingly, "Do you want me to tuck you in too?"
He watches your eyes go wide as you blush and he thinks to himself that you look absolutely breathtaking right now. He tells you as much, "I need to see you like this more often."
Your eyes narrow as you glare at him though he just finds your sulking adorable, he can see you pouting and it makes him chuckle. You cannot possibly let him have all the fun, "You'll need to try harder for that. How about starting with tucking me in like you suggested? Or even better, lay with me and hold me like you did earlier." You don't know what made you feel so bold but the way Jihoon blushes makes it all worth it.
You were joking when you asked him to hold you to sleep but you did not realise how whipped your husband is for you. Jihoon would do anything for you, and so you lay in his arms as he hums softly, content and warm. Sleep hits you slowly as you both fall asleep with the same thought in your heads, We're family, we always will be, and we'll do whatever it takes to protect our home, starting with getting rid of that mole.
it was a treat to betaaaaaa mayyyyyy I am so proud of you babyyyy 🥺 I've told you before but anya really is my favourite character in the whole fic she's my babygirl 😭😭 I think I've screamed about it enough in the dms, the angst had me hollering around and hanging on for my dear life, the sigh of relief I let out after the actually talked and not sent each other over the dead end is something incomparable sooo looking forward to the next part hehehehe.
pairing: xu minghao x f!reader
rating: R | minors do not interact! 18+ ONLY
warnings: best friends/coworkers to lovers, whole lot of yearning, angst, minghao is a stupid man, yn has moments of insecurity regarding her being plus size, SMUT: fingering, oral (f and m receiving), p in v protected sex, missionary, ankle kissing, thigh biting, slight hair pulling. doyoung makes a return appearance as a bartender, small bit of donghyuck x reader.
wc: 15.2k
synopsis: loosely based in part on a storyline that happens to Penelope Garcia in season 3 of Criminal Minds: Technical Analyst LN YN and FBI Agent Xu Minghao are known in the BAU as a dynamic duo. A duo full of reportable comments, inappropriate nicknames and so much warmth. Anyone with eyes can see that YN is in love with Minghao and it's likely that he's in love with her too. What happens when tensions finally bubble over? When someone else is introduced to the story?
*this fic is a part of the blockbusters collab hosted by @nerdycheol, @belovedgyu and @jakedustry | support the other authors of the collab here
listen while reading
It's another day in Virginia. The winter this year is biting and you're too happy to scurry inside the BAU office to keep yourself from freezing. Chan, the security guard who always had a smile on his face, wishes you a good morning as you flash your badge at him. As you're waiting for the elevator up to your office, you reminisce about your beginnings at the BAU. Once the hunted, you had been working as a hacker under an alias that eluded this very department years ago. You were untouchable, called the best for a reason. It wasn't until you had a falling out with a network partner that you were in the claws of the department you'd been playing tag with. You remember it clear as day; the flashing red and blues lighting up the walls of your apartment, the cold chill of the interrogation room, and him.
[flashback]
The only sound that could be heard in your apartment was the furious typing coming from your keyboard. The code you had meticulously been working on for the last month all of a sudden wasn't running properly.
"C'mon you rat bastard, where are you hiding," you mutter out. You chewed on your bottom lip, dedicated to find the one piece of syntax ruining what was bound to be a big payout for you.
A month ago, you'd been tagged to do another hit on some confidential FBI files. The network you worked for was made aware by an informant that there were case files being built against the network. Being the resident hacker within the network meant that this task was immediately handed to you. This wasn't your first go at hacking the Federal Bureau of Investigations and you certainly didn't think it was going to be your last. You loved playing tag with the CyberSec department in the Quantico office. Imagining the look of shock when the analysts in their cushy lil offices realize that files were corrupted or missing. For a bunch of highly paid, well-resourced government officials, jobs that involved the FBI felt like taking candy from a baby.
Your search continued, scouring through what felt like endless lines of code, until your phone rang. Taking a look at the Caller ID, a chill ran through your body.
It's an unlisted number. To the ordinary person, it would look like an unknown caller. But not to you. No, you knew this number by heart. You gingerly pressed the answer button.
"YN, a pleasure."
You found it weird that he was using your actual name given everyone in the network typically used an alias. You figured he was in a secure enough location, so you didn't pursue this line of thought any further.
"Jackson. What can I do for you? I'm working right now." Every ounce of you fought to keep your words unwavered. A small chuckle came from the other end of the line.
"Just wanted to check in. Make sure you're holding up your end of the bargain." This caught you off guard.
Jackson was a higher up in your network, always the one doling out your assignments, but never one to double check your work. You'd proven yourself to be irreplaceable in the last three years of working for the Caissa. Why was he asking about this now?
"In the three years I've been doing your work, when have you ever known me to not hold up my end of the deal?" You questioned, a slight edge in your voice.
Even with your "boss" on the line, there was a deadline to meet and your code was still not running properly. Your hand moved to press a button on your phone and you placed Jackson on speakerphone. As the search for the bug resumed, you explained to Jackson that what he wanted should be finished within the next two hours.
"Remind me again, what is it I'm paying you for?" In hindsight, this question should have been ringing the loudest bells in your head. Jackson had the tendency to be aloof and a bit forgetful given he worked with multiple people, but not ever to this degree. But the damn bug making your code not work took up all of your attention.
"What are you talking about Jackson, did you seriously forget that you tasked me to wipe the case files being built against the Caissa? What, did you forget to take your pills today old man?" Another laugh came. It's uneasy but of course you were too wrapped up in fixing the code to notice the difference.
"Jeez Rook, I'm just testing you."
"I think I've outgrown that nickname, don't you Jackson? Was this really all you called me for?" You were getting annoyed now. There was a crunch for this code to be finished and here was your boss actively wasting your time. Again in hindsight this should have tipped you off. There's a bit of noise from the other end of the line before Jackson responds.
"YN?"
"What is it, Jackson?"
"The Grandmaster sends his regards." The mention of the kingpin of your network made your back straighten. Before you could ask what the hell Jackson meant, the line died. Your monitor went next. There wasn't enough time for you to make sense of anything before you heard the sirens surrounding your apartment and your front door being busted open. Everything after this point happened in slow motion, you moved like molasses. Only a few things in your vision were in focus: the reds and blues of cop car lights shining on the poster covered walls of your apartment, the condensation ring from the iced coffee you'd been nursing, a trinket of your favorite animal shattered from the impact of your front door.
You didn't resist any of the officers taking you into their custody. Your mind was otherwise preoccupied. The second your door was cracked down, the puzzle pieces connected: Jackson and the network had cut you loose and turned you in. Racking your brain for any possible reason why, you come up with the conclusion that the feds were getting too close and they cut the newest recruit on the team.
Last one in, first one out.
The interrogation room was bone-chilling and reeked of the worst kind of drip coffee. Agent after agent came in, but your mind couldn't focus. Every time they talked to you it sounded like Charlie Brown's parents were speaking to you. Your entire world had come crashing down. The network that had protected you for so long, had all of a sudden delivered you right to the FBI's front door, the team that had spent the better part of a year trying to track you down.
The door to the interrogation room opened again and you were about to tell the next agent that they were going to waste their time because you weren't going to spill a word. But when you lifted your head, you see him and the air shifts. You feel the static neurons become charged with something you can't quite place.
[end of flashback]
Speak of the devil.
The ding of the elevator doors snaps you out of your recollection and there stands Xu Minghao. The guy, who for a lack of a better explanation, is your knight in shining armor. Minghao was the one that broke through your walls that day in the interrogation room. The one that turned you from hunted to hunter. Every other agent they'd sent in to question you weren't able to hammer away at the walls you'd built, but he did. He walked in, the definition of nonchalance and arrogance. Taking your walls apart brick by brick like it was nothing with cologne that enveloped the whole room and would linger. The same one currently wafting in your nose as he's waving you into the elevator.
"Good morning babygirl," he says, pearly-white teeth shining right into your heart. It has been five years since the day Minghao cut you a deal and your partnership with him and the FBI had started. Five years since he gave you a chance to turn your life around and not rot in prison. Five years since he started calling you that nickname. The nickname that never failed to dust a deep shade of pink across your cheeks.
"Morning, White Rabbit," you chirp out, adding the delicious milk candy to the list of nicknames you have for the profiler. This was your banter, everyone in the office knew it. Everyone in the office was also sick of it. A prime example comes in the form of Dr. Jeon Wonwoo, resident know-it-all. He constantly commented on your relationship; labeling it grossly inappropriate for the office and requesting that it be taken outside of work. Both of your responses to him matching as you stick your tongue out, blowing raspberries at him.
"What's on your mind pretty?" Minghao questions. You wave him off, telling him that you'd been thinking about the day that you first met.
"Was it love at first sight?" He teases. You give him a slight push and tell him to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. The ride up to the office is silent, but it's comfortable. The kind of comfortable you can only get when you've built a relationship with someone. The elevator doors whoosh open signaling that your moment of peace is over and it was time to get to work. You start the short trek to your "cave of darkness", as the rest of the team calls it, but Minghao catches your wrist before you even make it another step.
"Here," he places a coffee cup in your hand, "Honey vanilla latte for the sweetest honey in my life."
There it is again. The blood rushes to your cheeks, covering it with a rosy haze. Minghao is still holding onto your wrist and you're painfully aware of everything happening right now. But you let yourself get lost in the feeling for a bit. Fantasizing that this is more than the usual nice banter between the two of you. That he got you a latte because he was thinking about you at the cafe you both frequent. That he knows your order because he learned it the first time the both of you had been to said cafe and not because you'd made him order it for you a billion times.
Wonwoo, who had been behind the both of you in the elevator, clears his throat to get through and the facade breaks. Minghao gives you a wink, then moves back to let him step between the two of you. Raising the warm coffee cup towards him, you bid Wonwoo goodbye and the two of you make your way down to your office. As you come down the hallway one of the other analysts, Maeve, falls in step with you. Her strong gourmand scent hits you before her greeting does. The three of you talk about recent case loads and what you had been up to the past weekend. She casually jokes that the intense amount of snow should be keeping the streets crime free, but the files coming across the desks say otherwise. Synced laughs of agreement come from you and him. Minghao replies that there isn't enough coffee in the world. Without any real thought, you say,
"Thank God for Minghao. I don't know what I'd do if he didn't get me this coffee." She coos at you, agreeing that it was really nice of him do so, but then she makes a comment that stutters your thoughts.
"God I wish I had a boyfriend that worked with me so I could get personally delivered coffee. You two are so cute together."
"Oh, no-" You begin to stop her.
"It's not like that." You pretend the emphasis Minghao places on the last word doesn't sting.
"We're not-"
The two of you stumble over each other to tell your coworker that you aren't dating. When she hears this, there's a look of surprise on her face, but she doesn't say anything else. She's too busy watching the two of you staring at each other, trying to find the hidden conversation in raised brows. You'd never been more thankful in your life to be right in front of your office door. Minghao quietly excuses himself and walks towards the bullpen. While your coworker chats you up, you're still staring at the back of Minghao, noticing how he rubbed the back of his neck as he walked away from the two of you.
"Helloooo? Earth to YN!" Your focus shifts to her hand waving in front of your face. Apologizing to her, you ask her to repeat herself. She talks about needing help on figuring out how to run a code to aggregate the encrypted files your team has been getting with the caseload. You relax, this is an easy task, you could write code in your sleep, this was something that won't distract you. Asking her for more metrics, your eyes light up at the chance to talk about coding — the only thing that has kept you alive all these years. As you're going over proper formatting syntax, she makes a silly joke that for some reason really just hit you, so you find yourself doubled over in laughter.
What you don't notice is that your coworker makes sudden eye contact with Minghao, who perks up and whips his head towards your direction at the sound of your laughter. You couldn't see it, but his gaze brims with adoration. The mere sound of your laugh, infectious, getting the corners of his lips to tug up. Maeve gives Minghao a questioning smirk, he then stutters and forces himself back into the conversation with Wonwoo. She continues your conversation by asking how to run newly written code without ruining encrypted files.
You lift yourself back up and continue your explanation of performing test runs on old files to Maeve. As you do so, you feel the air change and something in you tells your brain to look beyond Maeve. Cocking your head to the side, you see that Minghao has Wonwoo in a headlock. You try to hide your smile, but fail as Maeve traces your sight line. She shakes her head and jokes that it's really hard to believe that the two of you aren't together, with the way you steal glances like lovesick puppies. Suddenly, Minghao looks up and you immediately move your head back to its original position, not wanting him to catch you staring. Maeve watches this exchange with the biggest smirk on her face. Thanking you for the advice on writing code, she walks away to her office muttering something that you couldn't make out.
As you settle into your office, a sigh pushes through your entire body. Minghao's comment and gesture sticks with you for the rest of the day, the drink actually making it all the way home with you. Spending what others would diagnose as an "unhealthy" amount of time staring at the coffee cup, trying to will the fantasy in your head to life. So many things are swimming around in your mind right now. As you get lost in writing code, Minghao's question of love at first sight is ringing in your ears. You were telling the truth, you found him incredibly annoying at first. Your first month he did nothing but gloat that he was the one to bring you in; that if it wasn't for him there wouldn't be progress on the Caissa file. But something changed in the years of you working together and you're left remembering when exactly it was that he completely broke your heart open for him.
[flashback]
It's your first winter in Virginia. Adjusting to the non-criminal life has been easier than you expected. Who knew you could breathe easier when not working for the digital underworld and not having to look over your shoulder all the time. Regular civilian life wasn't something you steadily had access to in your formative years and you're finding yourself mourning that younger version of you.
Idyllic. Not hard. A version of you that didn't have to put up walls yet.
A particularly nasty case made its way to the top of your team's list, leaving you all to work past normal hours. You'd moved out of your office into the bullpen to make sharing information easier. The office is fairly silent, the only symphony playing is the shuffle of papers and the scuffle of your team walking around. You'd been knee deep in assembling a list of victim profiles to help look for the unsub's MO. You fired off a couple lines of code that you think will help you narrow something down, only to be hit with a big red flashing "ERROR". You slam your laptop down and exhale in frustration, the sound of it drawing everyone's eyes on you. You feel his eyes before you could see them. Flashing everyone a quick smile of apology, you excuse yourself to take a lap around and get a breather.
You stop by your office to grab your water bottle and on your way out you see Minghao. He smirks when he makes eye contact and you immediately brace yourself for whatever smart ass comment he had waiting for you.
"Taking a break already? Wouldn't have pegged you as the quitting type," he jokes. You mockingly laugh back and roll your eyes. The two of you were a duo that no one ever expected. You'd find this out much later, but there were bets going around the office for how long Minghao would last before you ripped his head off. You and Minghao got the last laugh as the two of you gelled together after you dished his smugness back to him. Fairly soon after, you became the insufferable duo that everyone was familiar with.
The two of you finish a lap around the office in complete sync, quietly returning to the makeshift workstation that was set up in the bullpen. You stretch your neck out before sitting back down to read over the case files in the hopes that you could pinpoint parameters that would get your team closer to solving this case. Line after line swims through your brain and nothing seems to stick. It's like suddenly all the ridges in your brain have disappeared and the receptors have melted.
Behind you, you hear someone yell that they're going on a coffee run, then you feel a tap on your elbow. Turning your head, you see Minghao with a questioning look in his eye. Without a word, you knew exactly what he was asking.
Want a coffee?
You immediately shake your head no, not wanting to deal with the effects of caffeine later. He gives you a curt nod and calls out to the person leaving the office to wait for him. He brushes behind you and you catch a whiff of him — sandalwood and something smoky — he smells like comfort. The scent of him lingers around you like an unspoken message from him:
Be back soon.
For the hundredth time, you turn your eyes back to the files hoping that this time you wouldn't come up empty. Taking a breath, you repeat a silent prayer in your head, one that wishes you are able to find anything that could help. Three folders of files later, you feel Minghao sliding into the seat next to you. You don't have to look up from the mountain of paper to know it's him. You just do.
As you're flipping over to the next page, you sense something warm near your left hand. You move your hand to find the source of heat and see that Minghao has placed a cup next to you. The logo of the coffee shop from down the street adorns the cupsleeve. Acknowledging him with a nod, you wrap both your hands around the cup and bring it in front of you.
I didn't ask for this. You say with a raise of your brow.
I know. He shrugs in response.
Drawing the cup to your mouth, the sweet scent of honey and vanilla fills the space around you as you blow on it. You were expecting the strong bitter aroma of coffee to invade your nose so when you smell the indicators of your regular order, your head whips back to him. You're staring at him with delighted surprise in your eyes. He squeezes your shoulder and shoots the warmest smile when he meets your gaze. You thank him by taking a drink, contently sighing at the sweet taste on your tongue.
When you open your eyes, you find a different pair of eyes staring at you.
"Can I help you, Dr. Jeon?"
"Just observing," he says, his eyes flitting between you and the man beside you.
"Find anything worth sharing?" You muse, tucking your chin on top of your hands.
While flipping through a case file, Wonwoo shakes his head no. You don't believe him for a second, which you make known by giving him a scrutinizing look. But you don't press him any further, opting to return to your work instead.
Minghao suddenly gets up and walks over to the board, presumably to pin something he found.
"He's never brought anyone coffee," Wonwoo says, breaking your concentration. You look at the doctorate in front of you with a deadpan look. One that prompts him to elaborate his point.
He leans forward and in a quiet tone explains that in the time that the two of them have worked together, he's never seen Minghao willingly get anyone coffee. Usually opting to joke that whoever asks has legs and can get the drink themselves. He also guessed by the look of your first sip that Minghao didn't just grab you any coffee, he purposefully got your specific coffee order.
There's a feeling in your stomach you can't place when you hear this. As Wonwoo drones on, you find your gaze naturally moving to where Minghao is. You can only see his back, but you can tell he's concentrating on something from the way his head is slightly tilted.
"And then there's the twin telepathy thing," Wonwoo quips. This breaks your stare.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh c'mon! The two of you just had a full blown conversation without uttering a single word."
You scoff and wave him off, telling him that it doesn't mean anything. Defending your friendship, you deflect and mock the young doctor. He returns your scoff with his own and leans back in his chair.
To anyone that asked, you would always deny it. You and Minghao, were friends, nothing else. But after Wonwoo's line of questioning, you wonder if he's maybe just named the intense feelings that you've been unable to.
Returning your gaze to Minghao, your head is swimming with the thoughts Wonwoo's seemingly planted. He turns to call out for Wonwoo to join him. Your eyes meet Minghao's and he gives you a smile that makes your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. It's a smile laced with a check in. Like somehow he knows you might not be all there.
And suddenly you realize it.
Fuck.
You like Xu Minghao.
[end of flashback]
A soft knock breaks your mindless (but correct) code writing and you smile as you see Minghao waving through the window. You push the memory from three years ago to the deep recesses of your mind. He pushes the door slightly open and pokes his head in, weary smile following. You know what this look means; it's wheels up for the team, time for them to fly somewhere to solve a case, time for him to leave.
"Hey, I'm heading out. I'll see you soon, yeah?"
"Safe flight, call me for any expert information pulling," you joke as he pulls off from your door.
"There isn't anyone else I would want to call babygirl," he calls out as he jogs to catch up with the rest of the team flying out. You smile watching him bounce away.
Unfortunately for you, that moment was the last time you would physically see Minghao for the next week. This was the norm for the two of you. You hardly ever joined in the field, and to be completely honest you preferred it that way. With your history, you decided (along with some urging from your boss) that it was probably better that you stayed behind for cases.
You do get to talk to him mid-week when an important piece of information comes across your desk.
"Tell me something I wanna hear," he exhales. You can hear the exhaustion and frustration in his voice.
"Anyone ever tell you, you have a great ass? Cause you do," you tease, trying to lighten the mood. Hearing him smile from the other side of the line makes you feel better.
"Tell me something I don't know pretty girl," he jokes back. You boo him, whining that he always spoils your fun.
"Don't make me spank you."
"Mmm, don't tempt me with a good time Agent," you say in a lower tone, feigning seduction. With a click of his tongue, he tells you to quit playing around. You sigh and acquiesce him, sharing that the unsub and his victims had a shared history. Grimacing as you shakily recount horrifying details, you wrap up your information dump with a sigh and a promise that this information would be sent over asap.
"Look up the words hot and magnificent in that magic box of yours and tell me what comes up," you hear the smirk and pride on Minghao's face loud and clear. Luck was on your side today as no one could see the rouge tint splayed across your face and on the tips of your ears.
"Would ya look at that? A picture of me popped up." You replied, emphasizing the p in the last word with a popping sound. Inside you are fighting every nerve in your body.
"You are the love of my life, gorgeous! Good job, see ya when we're back." The click of the line rescues you from having to repsond. Your hand is still wrapped around the receiver as you let out a breath. An involuntary groan comes from you. It's the kind of groan you let out when you know you're absolutely smitten and can't do jack all about it. The silence in your office cloaks you in your own feelings, the next words that come out of your mouth barely break the sound barrier.
"I wish you meant that, Hao."
It wasn't till Friday afternoon that the rest of the team was flying in after wrapping up another horrifying but solved case.
The clock ticks a quarter till five and you shoot a text to your cat-eyed partner in crime, asking him if he needed a round (or more) once he landed. An immediate ping returns with a resounding yes and that he'd head straight to Rummo's. Wrapping up a report, you lock up and head to the elevator to meet with Minghao. The ride down takes longer than you want it to, but the doors finally ding open and you're basically skipping out the exit.
"Have a good weekend YN," Chan smiles at you as he holds the door open for you.
"Thanks Channie! I'll see ya Monday!"
"Rummo's tonight? I didn't see the team come in this morning." You nod back.
"Is tonight the night?" He asks with expectant eyes. While everyone in the office basically knew about the budding relationship between you and Minghao, Chan was the only one who ever said anything to you about it. He was also the only one who knew about how much you truly longed for Minghao. It wasn't like you paraded around declaring your love for the profiler, but anyone who looked hard enough could see it. You cared about Minghao in the way that you didn't about anyone else. Sometimes more than yourself. You shoot Chan a look with a hopeful gleam and he responds back with a thumbs up. The week spent in the office alone (along with a phone call from your mother regarding your love life) had forced you to evaluate your relationship with Minghao. Years of noticing the small things that make him tick. Simply put, after years of yearning for the man who broke you down with a whiff of his cologne, you came to the conclusion that you couldn't bear to wait any longer. You needed him to know how you felt and more importantly how he made you feel.
You send a quick text to him that you'd be at your favorite bar in less than ten minutes. As you're walking past storefronts you check your reflection in the glass. No biggie, you're just confessing your feelings to the most important person in your life and your hair is a tangled mess and the mascara on your eyelashes smudged from the strain of staring at a computer all day. You do your best to smooth down the frizz of your hair and you pray to whatever god above that you can fix yourself up before Minghao spots you.
It's half past five by the time you get to Rummo's and it seems like every other office worker in the vicinity had the same idea because your favorite local bar is packed with people in suits. You thank your lucky stars and make a beeline for the bathroom to fix yourself up. You assess the damage as you take a look at the mirror and you wish you hadn't.
Your top fits a little funny because of how blessed you are in the chest department. Your trousers suddenly feel a bit tight and you tune into how the button seems to dig into your stomach. You try to move your clothes around a bit to make it look more flattering against your shape and notice that the seams of your pants have left imprints on your hips. The movement (and your awful anxiety) have made the tiny bathroom even tinier and you feel like the temperature inside has gotten warmer.
Taking a shallow breath you move on to take a look at your hair but before you can do anything about it, a knock on the door alerts you to someone who had been waiting on you. You push the door open to the bathroom and apologize to the person on the other side and look for Minghao. Your confidence is lower than when you walked in, but you were still determined to tell him how you felt tonight.
The smell of his cologne, hidden behind copious amounts of whiskey, hits you before you even lay your eyes on him. You square your shoulders back, plaster on a smile and clap him on the back when you approach. He turns to you, a tinge of pink dotted across his cheeks and eyes in the shape of crescent moons. A quick glance at the three empty glasses next to him tells you all you need to know — this case was horrific and he needed a break from reality. You don't think you'll get to tell him anything tonight.
"There's my babygirl," he swoons excitedly reaching out to you. Your heart leaps out of your chest and it aches. It kills you to not focus on the inflection behind the "my".
"Hey Hao— Whoa," you lean forward as he almost falls out of the bar stool. A giggle comes spilling out of him when he wraps his arms around you, pressing his face into your shoulder. You help him sit back upright and he scrambles to remove his jacket from the seat next to him, ushering you to sit next to him. Doyoung, the usual barback who tends to your crew, places a drink in front of you. Thanking him with a nod, you down the drink to match Hao's level of drunkenness. The night is filled with him drunkenly egging you on to drink more and you making sure that he's also drinking water so he doesn't absolutely perish the next day.
Suddenly Minghao, who had previously been slumped over the bar, sits straight up and grabs your face. He brings it close to his and you genuinely are unable to tell if you're currently hallucinating. He pores over your face with a scrutinizing look in his eyes. His gaze lands on your lips and stays for a while. Longer than what is appropriate between two best friends. Two coworkers. Your lips are inches away and the alcohol you've consumed silences the alarm bells going off in your head. You hadn't expected this at all, the second you had seen him downing drinks you quickly pivoted away from the original intention you had tonight. You let your eyes flutter shut and enjoy the warmth of his hands, you also pick up on the scent of whiskey and mint on his breath. There's a ringing in your ears and it isn't the alarm bells of your barely functioning brain. No, it's the ringing that happens when the one person who turns your world upside down is about to kiss you. But the moment never comes.
You open your eyes and find him studying your face. Irises wide (probably from the whiskey) and mapping spots on your face.
"Hao?" You ask as you place one of your hands on his, you're hyper aware of the small jolt of electricity that happens on your cheek when your hands touch.
"Mmm?" He hums, absolute glee hidden behind the smile on his face. You tap the hand on your left cheek, asking him if there was something he needed to tell you.
"You remind me of her." The shape of his eyes still crescent moons, his cheeks even pinker. From the alcohol or the confession you weren't able to tell.
"Hmm?" You say giggly.
"The girl I'm in love with— you remind me of her." He says like he isn't absolutely shattering your entire world right now.
"Oh." You could only respond in a monosyllabic manner, the entire situation quickly sobering you from your fantasy. You grab his hands and gingerly fold them into his lap.
He giggles to himself at your short response. Your mind is spinning and the three heavy-handed drinks Doyoung poured you certainly weren't helping. It isn't till Minghao waves his hand in your face that you realize he'd asked you a question. You apologize and he asks you again what you think. It felt like an impossible question to answer; your heart was absolutely shattered but as his best friend you needed to at least seem supportive.
"Whoever she is, she's a lucky girl," you respond, the fake smile on your face hurting your jaw.
"You think so?" He asks, blissfully drunk and unaware.
You nod, trying to will the tears in your eyes to not spill. Your barback slides the two of you tall glasses of water and your tab. The time had passed by and the time on the receipt told you that the bar was nearing closing time. Downing your water like a camel, you gear up to play another heartbreaking game of pretend. Quickly you get Minghao to drink his water, slide some cash to Doyoung, and move the drunk cat that is your coworker outside the bar to wait for a cab. Puffs of your breath can be seen against the night sky and the two of you stand close to each other to get some warmth. It doesn't prove to be very effective as shivers run through your body. Perceptive as he is, Minghao wordlessly shrugs his black coat off and threads your arms through the sleeves.
"Hao, what are you doing? Take your coat back. It's below freezing," you say through chattering teeth.
You roll your eyes and start to remove the very warm coat off you. The unmistakable shake of his earrings rings through the air as he hushes you and forces the coat around you again, this time closing the buttons to make sure you stay put. A frustrated sigh comes from you, made evident by the puff of steam flowing in front of you. You silently thank him with a swift nod of your head. Some minutes tick by and suddenly you feel a cold hand slip into the pocket and close over your balled up fist.
A hollow ache is forming in your chest. Your hand instinctively unfurls and the second it does, Minghao threads his fingers through yours. Wetness pools around the rim of your eyes when you feel the shape of figure eights rubbing against the back of your hand. Silently, you thank the cold weather as you sniffle the tears back. If he noticed what was wrong, you could immediately blame it on the chill. You stare up at the sky, hoping to find something that could distract you from your wailing thoughts. But you're met with nothing, not a single star in sight. Not a constellation in the sky to use as small talk. So you stand and let your heart ache, because this might be the last time you have a moment like this with him.
You're also trying to make sure Minghao doesn't crumple to the floor. He whines telling you that he's tired of standing and he clings onto you like a koala, telling you that you felt like a plush radiator. You blow off his comment and wave down the bright yellow cab who had just dropped off someone down the street. With as much strength you can muster you push Minghao into the cab and give directions to the driver to his place.
"Wait, you're not coming with me?" He pouts, hanging his head out the window.
You hated yourself for how much you wanted to still kiss him. Shaking your head no, you tell him you'll see him later. He pouts some more and even whines a little, making your heart swell and ache simultaneously. You tilt his head up a little and drill into him that he needs to drink water when he gets home. He gives you a little salute and slumps his back in his seat. The cab begins to drive away and you wave even though you know Minghao can't see you. Suddenly he sticks his head out the window again and yells at you.
"Don't tell the girl at work that I'm in love with her!" And just like that Xu Minghao shatters your heart for the second time.
Saturdays are reserved for shitty movies and wasting away at your place. In the last year, Minghao has been a welcome addition to your long standing tradition, but you wake up today (still slightly hungover) remembering every single thing that happened last night and can't bear the thought of seeing him. You send him a text that you aren't feeling well and need to just sleep the nausea and hangover away. It wasn't completely a lie, you genuinely did have a hangover and you felt sick to your stomach at his confession. The confession that broke your heart and had you questioning your own self worth. Who were you kidding, no guy like Minghao could have ever been into you. He could have his pick of girls, so of course he was pining for someone else. You mostly felt so dumb that you even held the fantasy for so long. Minghao doesn't reply back right away, you assume he's probably still asleep and decide that a small nap might help you feel better.
You wake up to the sound of knocking at your front door and grumble, throwing the blanket over your head, hoping that whoever is at your door will just go away. You're not expecting any guests so you definitely were not getting up for anyone right now. Unfortunately, your attempt to ignore them does not work as the knocking gets louder and more aggressive. Throwing your blanket around you, you groan and stomp to your front door. The knocking keeps going and you finally swing your door open, ready to yell at whoever is fucking disturbing your peace right now.
"Jesus Christ! What do you wa— Minghao? What the fuck?!"
"Me what the fuck? I think I should be saying that to you. It's Saturday, our day remember?" You wince at the decibel he's at. Shooting him a glare with the force of a thousand daggers, you whip out your phone and show him the text of you canceling.
He sticks his tongue out and pushes into your apartment, blabbering about how you couldn't let a couple drinks interrupt the tradition. A trail of his things follow behind him as he makes himself completely at home on your couch. He spots his coat from the night before and jokes that he wondered where it ended up. Your nose scrunches up in annoyance and you can't find it within yourself to pretend to be fine with him being here. One by one you pick up his things and launch them at him, each landing getting a complaint. You coldly tell him to take his things and leave.
"Haha very funny babygirl. C'mon," he pats the spot next to him, "It's movie time. I'm thinking comedy because you're being so gru-"
"Minghao. I'm not kidding. I don't feel good, I'm going back to bed, please take your shit and go home."
You don't even wait for a response, you quickly spin on your heel and head back to your room. You don't even have it in you to close the door on him, you just slip back into your bed. Burying yourself under the covers, the tears in your eyes are hot and you try to blink them back. It isn't until you hear the muffled click of your front door that you let the tears stream down your face, effectively dehydrating you even more.
This year's winter was giving unsubs harsh brutality a run for their money. In the five years since you've lived in Virginia, you'd never felt such an arctic winter. Roads constantly slick with ice, the chill in the air absolutely biting. The only thing rivaling the intensity of this winter was how hard your head had been thinking about your relationship with Minghao. After what you thought would have been the moment, you decided that you couldn't wait forever anymore. You couldn't waste time on the cat-eyed profiler anymore. Knowing he'd had ample time in the years of you working together to say something. The years filled of stolen glances during team debriefs, of flirty comments that would gave HR a heart attack, of him using a nickname reserved only for you. Even on that night, he had the entire night to say something, anything. Instead you were met with a confession that crushed any hope you had as well as your self esteem.
This was the third week of you silently mending the heart he'd unknowingly broken. You could absolutely feel the difference in the interactions, but the profiler for all his ability to read humans, was none the wiser. The list of your names for him continued, but never with the same vibrancy you'd always envelope them in. You were facing a silent fight, the only person who only noticed your off kilter demeanor, was Chan. The first week of your moping he initially let you be, only ever giving a skeptic raise of his brow when you'd brush off his comments regarding your well-being. By the second week, he knew you'd been lying and figuratively backed you into a corner.
You had been drowning in case files and your eyes were starting to dry out. You make your way out of your office and to the bathroom on your floor, but you sharply make a right towards the elevator when you see Minghao heading in the same direction. The door is about to close and you call out to the group to hold the doors open for you. In your absolute panic, you don't realize how loud your voice was. What you also miss when you push yourself into the elevator is Minghao frantically searching for you across the office when he heard you.
You make your way to the back of the elevator and pinch the bridge of your nose as you lean your head back against the wall. Your eyes are closed for the entire ride and it's only when the automated voice of the elevator bell announces the floor, that you realized you took the elevator all the way down to the main lobby. Remembering what your actual purpose of leaving the office was, you make a beeline for the bathroom. You weren't explicitly avoiding Chan, but you knew you couldn't hold out much longer until you cracked under his constant questions.
On your way out from the restroom, you hear a sharp whistle come from behind. Whipping your head around, you see Chan waving you over. Timidly you walk over. You know that he's going to ask what's up with you, so you mentally prepare your responses on your way to him. Sure enough his first question after greeting each other is why you aren't your normal bubbly self. You lie and say that you haven't been feeling well, which he immediately clocks, urging you to not lie to him.
"Come on sweetheart. I haven't seen the two of you walk in together in weeks, almost a month. And if I'm noticing it, it's only a matter of time before everyone else in the office notices it too."
You say nothing and just look at him with pleading eyes, trying to communicate that you don't really feel like talking about this. But of course he doesn't see it or he adamantly ignores it because he presses you even further. Arguing that he definitely knows something is wrong because he hasn't heard a complaint from Dr. Jeon about the out of line comments that are always coming from the two of you.
"Seriously seeing his face scrunch up at the two of you is the only real bit of entertainment I get around here. So spill it sweetheart, what the heck happened at Rummo's?"
You don't know if it's his persistence, the threat that your multi-doctorate coworker would eventually put the pieces together, or the idea that you were tired of holding everything in, but you give in and run down the details of that heartbreaking Friday night. You don't even notice that you're speaking in hushed tones until Chan leans in closer and asks you to repeat certain parts of the story. As you move along the details, you notice his shoulders visibly lower, like he's physically taking the weight of your pain. When you finish, you're full on silently crying and the first thing he does is fish a handkerchief out of his jacket pocket. The whimsical dinosaur print makes you giggle and he tells you that it belongs to his kid. You look at him incredulously, you were not prepared for this lore drop about your favored security guard.
"You have a kid?!"
"You're not the only one with secrets around here," he says with a wink.
You hit him in the arm and beg him to show you pictures. Further prodding him about the fact that he has a kid, leading into the fact that he has a whole family that you didn't know about. He pulls out his wallet and shows you several polaroids of the sweetest little girl. She is the spitting image of him, even in her young age she smiles just as big as her dad. While you're leafing through the pictures, Chan starts to talk about your situation. He comforts you, assuring that your reaction to the whole confession was normal. That the ache you feel is what everyone would feel and comes with the territory. He starts the next sentence, but pauses, chewing on his bottom lip.
"I can tell you're trying to fit a sentence together, what is it Chan?"
"I'm just not 100% convinced…" Your brows knit together in confusion. You stay quiet to signal him to continue his thought. He then asks if you're sure of what he said to you the night at the bar.
"I mean I don't think I'll ever forget him breaking my heart like that," you say solemnly.
"Look sweetheart, I'm not saying I know anything about how he really feels…"
"But?"
"But I've seen the way you two look at each other. More importantly I've seen the way he looks at you. The way he looks at you isn't the way you look at someone who's just a friend."
"How does he look at me then? If you don't think he looks at me like a friend, then how?" You arms are crossed as you scrutinize him with your eyes.
Chan sighs and takes the pile of polaroids from your hands. You whine in protest. He goes through them one by one, seemingly looking for something specific. He finally lands on the polaroid he's looking for and takes a big pause. You feel him take your hand and he places it face down on your palm. Flipping it over, your heart aches. It's a candid family picture; Chan's wife is cooing at their daughter, giving her a kiss on the cheek, and Chan is off to the side smiling wide. At first glance you'd think he's smiling at his daughter, but at a closer look you can see that the smile isn't for his kid, it's for his wife. He is looking at her with so much love, if he was a cartoon there would pink and red hearts in his eyes.
"That's how he looks at you. The way I look at my wife. You told me what he said that night, I don't know. I just don't believe it."
You let out a huff of disapproval and he throws his hands up in defense, offering that these were only his thoughts. Your shoulders slump back down and you squeeze the bridge of your nose. Chan offers a comforting rub of your shoulder and suggests that maybe it would be good for you to get out of the office for a bit, or at the very least finding a quiet place to let your thoughts run wild so you can come back and focus on your work.
Deciding that the thing you needed to help you clear your head was a warm cup of coffee, you brave the flurry of snow and take a quick walk to your usual cafe, a ten minute walk from the office. As you're wrapping a scarf around yourself, a gust of wind knocks the fabric out of your hand and straight into the face of a person who was heading into same cafe.
"I am so sorry!" You call out, rushing over to the being whose face was currently trapped in your bright yellow scarf.
A muffled laugh comes from behind your scarf, a leather gloved hand bunches it up to pull it away, and what's revealed is the face of an absolutely breathtaking man. His skin glowing like he'd been kissed by the sun, even in this dreary winter. You notice the moles that decorate his golden skin, like stars had placed themselves there. Eyes the color of coal but the coal that still feels warm even after the fire stopped burning. He flashes a smile at you, the kind that that radiates heat in your stomach, one that you're sure could melt all the snow fluttering around you.
"It's alright, honestly it's my fault I walked into your scarf," he chuckles, folding up your scarf, handing it back to you.
He then opens the door to the cafe, gesturing inside. You basically float inside, the flutters in your tummy carrying you in. You walk up to the counter and order your usual — honey vanilla latte. There's something about this drink that just feels like the warmest and most comforting hug. As you pull out your card to pay, you hear someone behind you request a red eye added to that order. The speed at which you whip your head is probably faster than lightning. Ready to lay into the person who thought they could sneak in on your coffee order, you take a breath, but nothing comes out when you realize it's the guy who got a face full of your scarf earlier.
"Oh, it's just you," you say meekly.
"Just me? Ouch, I haven't even given you my name yet," he teases. You feel warmth grace the tips of your ears and cheeks. Chuckling at you, he reaches into his pocket and hands the barista behind you a ten dollar bill. Your eyes go wide, indicating a protest at his action. He shrugs and walks to an empty table, he looks up at you then shifts his gaze to the seat in front of him. After an internal conflict, you figure that a conversation with the cute stranger who just paid for your coffee wouldn't hurt. Thanking him for the coffee, he shrugs and leans back in his seat. He replies that its not a big deal and the two of you begin to talk as you wait for your coffee to be ready.
You learn his name is Donghyuck but most of his friends call him Hyuck. He moved to Virginia from California a couple months ago after picking a random spot on the map. He's a piano teacher to the children in his neighborhood. You jokingly ask if he would extend lessons to adults and he jokes back that you would be the only person he'd consider doing it for. Before you can reply, the barista calls out that your drinks are ready. Beating him to the punch, you pick up both of your drinks and take it back to the table.
Sliding his drink toward him, you circle back to him teaching piano lessons. Your hands touch when he wraps his hand around the cup and it lingers for just a moment. At a simple glance, no one would have noticed it. You do and you fight the smile that begs to come out. Luckily for you, the warm cup of coffee in your hands was a great way to cover it up. You take a small sip and feel yourself melt into the drink.
"Is your drink as sweet as you are?" He says as you put the cup down. It takes everything in you to not choke on the hot liquid. Cheesy lines like this don't typically work on you, but there's something about Donghyuck that just feels true and intentional. After years of pining over someone else, why not allow yourself to be chosen first? Chosen boldly?
As you're about to return the flirty comment, your phone pings. Shooting him an apologetic look, you flip your phone open to see that you've gotten a text from an analyst on your team asking where you were. You looked at the time and realized that you'd been gone for three quarters of an hour.
"Shoot, I'm sorry I have to go back to work," you say, shoving your arms through your coat. Scooting out of your chair you stand up and hurriedly rush towards the door.
"Hold on," he calls out after you. Turning around you notice that he has your scarf in his hand. You reach out your hand to accept it, but instead of handing it to you, he unravels the golden fabric. He wraps the scarf around you and once it's fixed to his liking, he steps back with a smile.
"Perfect."
Your eyes fall to the floor and you feel the prick of heat warming the tips of your ears. He slips something into your hand and you barely catch what he says, too distracted by the gesture. You know it was a question so you nod your head and promptly head out the door. It's not until you're halfway back to the building that you realize he gave you a coffee sleeve with his number written on it. Shaking your head, you laugh to yourself and slide the sleeve into your purse.
You return to the office in an absolute daze. Your steps feel lighter and so does your chest. The ache of Minghao's wreckage still sings, but the volume is currently softened. There's a smile hiding in your cheeks, you zip past security so you can calm yourself down in your office.
"Good morning!" The profiler chirps, coffee in hand.
"Morning." You push past, head down trying to avoid eye contact.
"Hold it," he stops you before you can get too far, "Ease off the gas there Zug."
You freeze.
You hadn't heard that name in years. Five to be exact. And he was the last one to call you that.
The nickname was a reference to your alias when you worked with the Caissa network. The network itself was named after the Greek dryad of chess and every network player had some kind of chess term as an alias. Yours was "Zugzwang" — a term to describe when a player is put at a disadvantage by having to make a move. Appropriate because when you trapped someone into your game any move they made was a losing one. When you were at odds with the government, they fell for the trap every time. But now, because of Minghao, you'd been using your evil genius for good.
"Every day."
"Every day what?"
"Every day I say good morning . Every day you say, 'it is now that I've seen you' or another quirky comment that would make Dr. Jeon turn the color of your sparkle pen. Where have you been?"
Your eyes form into lines as you scrutinize him. Pretending to straightening the ID badge affixed to his shirt pocket, you kiss your teeth with a click. He continues on talking about how he's noticed that you've been passing off delivering case reports and sitting out of team meetings.
"You profilers and your behavioral analysis. You ever take a break?" Inside you're screaming. Now he has the sense to finally notice the difference?!
"If I took a break, who'd catch all the bad guys? 'Fess up pretty."
You roll your eyes and land a soft smack on his shoulder.
"Fine. I met a guy," you admit, a dreamy smile breaking out of the corners of your lips.
For a second there is a look of shock displayed on Minghao's face. He quickly fixes his face, but you definitely notice. You always noticed the small changes, even when you tried not to. You try not to think too much of it as he digs you for more details. You recap the interaction from this morning. Spilling small details about Donghyuck in a dreamy daze. Not forgetting to comment on how handsome and hot you think he is. Twice. There's a beat of silence, a look of pondering etched across his face, before he nods to himself.
"Alright, yeah that happens." He gives you a pat on the shoulder and starts to walk to his office, but you don't miss the purse of his lips.
"Not to me it doesn't." He stops and turns around.
"Come again?"
"Look Hao, let's not kid ourselves. I'm not the kind of girl who turns heads when she walks into a room—"
"Babygirl—"
"No. It's okay. I do well enough on my own. I'm a big girl, literally. I can pull, it just isn't always instantly, y'know? I gotta get them to look past the space I take up first." He hesitates to nod. Another small moment of quiet, the effort of piecing together his next sentence apparent in the crease of his brows. Before he can say anything you beat him to breaking the silence.
"I mean, what do you think Hao?"
"I'd say trust your gut princess. If the guy feels too good to be true, he probably is. Best to move on yeah?"
"Well—
Before you can answer, Hyeri the case liaison walks in, arms chock full of files.
"Team brief now. It's bad."
"Clearly."
The two of you follow her into the conference room, something indescribable weighs heavy on your shoulders.
The team debrief makes you feel nauseous. And it's not because of the bloody gruesome details of the latest unsub that Hyeri had briefed the team on. Minghao's words keep ringing in your ear. The rest of the team made their way out to the Florida site and here you were in your office replaying the peculiar conversation the two of you had. You're trying to make sense of his reactions but you're unable to get very far. To ease your mind, you turn to work and get to compiling and cross-referencing the victim list that the team had drawn up with the information the local police department had just sent over.
Knee deep in a list of mugshots, your office phone trills to break your concentration.
"You know who you've reached. Speak," your tone monotonous as you try to continue your focus on your job. Minghao is on the other end asking for an update. You frown at his voice, something that in the past rarely happened. But his comment, along with everything else that transpired between the two of you, were creeping under your skin. The reaction he had to Donghyuck was off and it was beginning to irritate you. Why did he care so much about you meeting a guy, much less a dreamy one like Hyuck? Shouldn't he be whisking away the girl he's supposedly in love with? As he continues to feed you more information, you cut him off telling him you've identified the victims and a locale parameter that the unsub is using as their hunting ground.
"Damn woman, you blow my mind." He whistles, the tone of his voice reading impressed at how fast you were able to narrow things down.
"Yeah, I'm efficient. Gotta go" You quip, not wanting to keep this conversation any longer than it needs to be.
"Whoa, whoa, that's the second time today. No fiery comment? No 'I'll show you what else I can blow'.
"Not today, Minghao." You sigh, rolling your eyes.
"Full government? What's going on?" He never called you by your full name either.
"I'm gonna tell the hot coffee shop guy no. I'm taking your advice, you were right he's probably too good to be true."
"Oh.. Um.. Well that was definitely a smart move." Adds insult to injury by saying there was probably, definitely something wrong with him. Fire starts to run through your veins.
"Huh. Guess that's why they pay you the big bucks." You snort under you breath.
"Come again?" The defensiveness in his voice ignites the fire inside you to roar.
"What was it Minghao? What tipped you off about him? I gave you an ounce of info about him and suddenly you can tell everything about him?!" You're sure that at the decibel you were screamng at, those standing out in the bullpen could hear you.
"Babygirl I-"
"No, humor me for a sec Mr. Profiler, was it how dashingly handsome he was or how interested he was in me that screamed wrong to you?"
"Wait—"
"Just because YOU wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on me, doesn't mean that someone else— someone less frivolous and not so damn full of themselves wouldn't. You want fiery Xu? How's this: You're a fucking coward."
You slam the receiver down and the dam bursts. You call for one of the other analysts to take over your casework for the day and rush home. As you're heading out, your boss catches you and you quickly tell him to expect a call once you get home explaining why you're leaving midday in the middle of the week. The elevator ride feels like agonizing hours, your anxiety spreading itself like wildfire across your body. You thank every star above that Chan was on his break because you didn't want to face him, mostly because you didn't want to break down at the entrance of your building where you could be perceived. It's only while you're driving home, in the quiet of midday traffic, do you let yourself actually cry. The tears making stoplights and street signs blurs of reds and greens. The rest of the afternoon is spent rotting on your couch, sniffling over the man who caused your heart to splinter.
When you're sure you've cried all the water out of you, you get up to get some water. A chill has landed in your apartment and you resort to wrapping your softest blanket around you. Grabbing your blanket ends up knocking over your purse and its contents spill out onto your carpet. The whine that comes out of you mirrors a petulant child and you kneel down to gather the mess up. When you think that you've returned everything into your purse, you notice a crumpled cupsleeve from the cafe you frequent. You pick it up and head to the kitchen to throw it in the trash, but before you drop into the plastic, you notice the handwriting on the back of it. You get a closer look and see that the mess of scribble is actually Donghyuck's number.
You don't know if it's rage, revenge, or purely just needing a distraction but suddenly you're grabbing your phone and dialing the number. After three rings, the call connects and you hear his smile before his voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi Donghyuck?"
"Ah the girl whose drink matches her voice!" You smile at his words and even giggle a little. You share that work had you pre-occupied (not a lie, but not the truth). The laughter on the other end of the line gives you butterflies.
"Are you free this weekend?" you blurt out. Immediately realizing how sudden it might seem you stutter out, "To pay you b-back for coffee, of course!" Your voice squeaks at the end and you roll your eyes at how pathetic you probably look right now.
"Saturday for dinner work for you gorgeous?"
You bite your lip at the nickname, feeling like you were back in elementary school waiting for your crush to read your note. Telling him that Saturday was perfect, he affirms by telling you he'll pick you up around eight o'clock.
Saturday rolls around and you're getting ready for your date with Donghyuck, but there's a twinge of something wrong in the air. Something in your gut isn't settling well.
Everything reminded you of him.
The outfit you were wearing? The first time you'd worn the ensemble, Minghao had said that the color made your eyes shine like galaxies.
The bangle hanging off your right hand? A present from him after your first year at the BAU. "A celebration — to turning a new leaf", he said as he closed the clasp around your wrist. You unconsciously rub your fingers around the metal band surrounding your forearm. The indentation of your favorite flowers etched in intricate detail, providing a sense of familiarity and emptiness.
The color on your lips, painted the same color the night you two almost kissed. The color he said was downright sinful but made you look like you had been plucked straight from heaven.
The moisture in your eyes isn't apparent until you're staring back at your blurry reflection. The soft ambient lighting in your apartment becomes unclear in the mirror. A groan erupts from the back of your throat as you blink the tears back, not wanting to ruin the makeup you'd spent way too much time on.
You felt him everywhere and it was suffocating. It became loud and clear that your heart still beats for one person and one person only. Your heart takes over your body and you reach for your phone to cancel your plans with Donghyuck. Before you can even press the call icon, a knock on your door startles you.
He's here? Already? You could've sworn that you had agreed on 8 pm and your clock only read quarter past 7. A quick swipe of your phone confirms that there were no new messages from Hyuck. You shrug, assuming that maybe he had just decided to come early. You let out a huff, realizing that the hot guy from the cafe is probably standing outside of your apartment, minutes after you'd come to the earth shattering realization that you were still hung up on the profiler you'd been avoiding for weeks. This was going to be really awkward.
Men and their awful fucking timing.
You grab a sweater to shield yourself from the inevitable chill that opening your front door would allow in. But what awaits you on the other side of your cherry red door isn't something that your sweater could've prepared you for.
"Minghao?"
The tips of his ears and his entire nose as bright as your door. Puffs of his breath coming out in short bursts. His chest was heaving. Did he run over here?
"What are you doing here?" You're staring at him in bewilderment.
It had been a while since you had last been face to face. The last time you'd seen him was the day you told him about Donghyuck. The last time you'd actually spoken to him was during the Florida case. Where he'd unknowingly planted a hurtful comment inside of you. You'd ignored his invite to the bar the day that he returned. The tradition of movie night on Saturdays had been skipped the last couple of weekends, with whatever excuse you could come up with. It took a lot of convincing on your end, but your boss allowed you to sit out on team briefs just so you didn't have to be in the same room as Minghao. One of the things that stayed with you from your past life was the ability to determine who was walking by based only on their tread. This came in especially handy on the days that you couldn't work from home. That skill escaped you in this very moment.
Because here he is. Right outside your apartment.
You say nothing and cross your arms with an air of ignorance.
"You said I wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on you and you're right." You roll your eyes and start to close the door but he stops it. He pushes the door back open and lets himself into your apartment. Your eyes are wide, staring at his audacity.
"I'd do more." Kicking off his boots, he stalks further into your apartment. The nerve he has to make himself familiar in your sanctuary. What infuriates you further is how devastatingly handsome he looks. Hair the color of onyx, perfectly windswept, the tips of them covered in half melted snowflakes. You can see under his black trench coat, a black ribbed tank, showing off his stupidly perfect collarbones and the small layer of sheen from what you assume is the result of him running to your place.
"What?" The look on your face is a combination of bewilderment and annoyance. Minghao across your living room, huffs out and crosses to you.
He cradles your face then presses his forehead against yours.
"I'm sorry I was a coward."
Seconds that feel like hours pass and he finally kisses you. And of course it's perfect, the kind of kiss that you dream of when kissing the person that holds your entire heart. The perfect clash of passion. The kind of kiss that leaves you wanting more. The kind that leaves the both of you panting as you pull away for air.
"God for a profiler, you were really unable to read me for the longest time."
"I don't use my skills for personal gain, babygirl."
"Maybe you should…" The lilt in your voice is teasing.
"You think so?" You flash him a grin, one that's inviting in nature.
"So… When you said you'd do more, what did that exactly entail?" You tease, fisting your hands in his tank as you pull him in for another kiss. His hands hadn't left your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks as he returns your advance.
There is fire behind both of your lips, you can feel the rawness as the two of you clumsily fight for dominance. Minghao fists a hand in your hair and gently tugs, exposing your neck to him. He trails kisses down to your collarbone, each touch igniting the flame inside your stomach. He's got you pushed up against the wall, placing marks across your chest. Desire is pooling at the apex of your thighs and like moth to a flame, Minghao senses it. His free hands makes its way down your body, down to where you wanted to feel him the most. Pushing up your dress, he dreamily sighs at the sight that beholds him: red mesh underwear that leaves little to the imagination. The minx that he is skirts around your pulsing clit, the tips of his fingers flirting around your bundle of nerves through the thin layer of fabric. You whine against his lips, hips involuntarily pushing into his hand. The sound of his smile against your lips is intoxicating and the smokiness of his rasp is sinful.
"C'mon babygirl, use your words and tell me what you want."
Your eyes roll back in pleasure as he weaponizes his nickname for you. You can't help but whimper when he slides your underwear to the side and makes brief contact with your clit, an unrecognizable pitch coming from you. His lips have returned to your neck and your hands find purchase in his locks.
"Fuck Minghao. Please" You beg. The lack of touch driving you to the brink of insanity. He moves his hands, but in the opposite direction of what you want. A pout forms on your lips and another whine spills past. He pulls you away from the wall and kisses you again, hands roaming, like he was mapping every part of you he wanted to devour. They stop at your ass where he grabs a handful, the groan that follows sending heat straight to your belly. In between lip locks, he lightly taps the backs of your thighs and in a low register laced with sin, commanded
"Jump."
Your body moved faster than your mind, wrapping your legs around his waist. The simple ask sent a jolt of electricity straight to your core. He carries you with ease to your bedroom, whose door he kicks open. You tell him this later but this very simple act of carrying you like you were weightless made you want to praise him like a god. Laying you at the edge of your bed, he stands back to drink the sight of you in. What he sees is feminine divine: your hair flowing like you were Aphrodite herself, remnants of your lipstick looking decadent on your lips, the way you're chewing on your bottom lip the very definition of sin. You prop yourself up on your elbows, completely in your head. You, the girl who was often passed over, almost always the second choice, felt the voices of doubt nipping at your skin. Even now as he towers over you, in your bedroom, you're avoiding his gaze and you can feel yourself shrinking.
"Hey, no. None of that pretty," he takes your chin in your hand and focuses your gaze on him. He kisses you, softly, waxing poetic of your beauty in between breaths. You mentally thank your past self for choosing a dress with buttons in the front as he begins to fumble with them. He doesn't get very far and out of frustration rips the front of your dress open, buttons flying in every direction. A sound of protest comes from you, but Minghao is immediately shutting you up by telling you he'll buy you another one. The other thing that shuts you up is his arms as he removes his trench coat. You'd always known his arms were thick, the lines of them defined in the button ups he'd wear to work, but seeing them bare confirmed your beliefs. The stretch of his biceps as he took his tank off making you dizzy.
There was no doubt about the hunger in his eyes as they raked down your body, the smirk forming when he realized that your bra matched your underwear. For a swift second, there's a tinge of darkness in them that chills your spine. The sound that comes from him can be described as nothing but feral when he leans over you and pushes your bra down. A mix of cold air and his warm wet mouth around your nipple makes you hiss. Your hands lock him to your chest and your hips are bucking up into him. His free hand reaches up and two fingers graze your lips and push into your open mouth. You feel Minghao smile against your chest when you swirl your tongue against his fingers. Pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he dances a line down to your core, sliding them through your wet folds. The sensation elicits a sound that vibrates through your chest and you buck your hips against his palm, signaling your desire. He picks up on your cue and slides two fingers into you, the sensation stinging in the best way possible.Bucking your hips up into the air with wanton need, you lay a message for him to find in your moans — keep going.
The telepathic connection you two have proves to still be fully functional as he continues his pace. Curling his long, slender fingers into a spot that makes you feel like he's bringing down the stars just for you. Warmth is spreading all over your body, the band in your core beginning to tighten up. Your breath is getting shallower, your moans are barely sounds.
"Let go for me babygirl."
"Let me feel it," He urges and you can't do anything but oblige.
The coil snaps and the pleasure is white-hot. You cry his name out as you squeeze around his fingers. The bliss you feel pushes you to drag his face up to you and capture his lips. You snake a free hand down to his pants and palm his length, a moan coming out when you feel how hard he is. Switching positions, you get yourself on top of him and grind on him to try and cure the ache in your core. He makes space between the two of you and undresses his lower half for you.
You're slightly ashamed for how you drool when his length flops up and smacks against his toned stomach, but that feeling quickly disappears. There's a split second where you pout when you take in how well endowed Minghao is. Mentally whining that he was blessed in every department, you wrap your hand around his length and you hear him grit his teeth. There's a glint in your eye as you shimmy down and take his leaking head in your mouth. It's almost automatic how his hand flies and threads into your scalp. A groan escapes him and that encourages you to take his length even deeper. This action gets him to throw his head back and in turn pulling your hair. The sting from that sends waves of heat to your core.
"Fuck pretty girl, I knew your mouth was filthy but holy fu-" He doesn't finish his sentence because you take him in fully and he hits the back of your throat. You look up at him and the way his face twists in pleasure has you sucking harder. This proves to be enjoyable for him because you feel him trying not to buck his hips up into your mouth.
"Fuck. Fuck baby, hold on. I don't-" You pull off him, a look of worry in your eyes, eyelashes wet from your actions. He instantly assures you that nothing is wrong, he just embarrassingly doesn't want to cum too early. His ears twinge pink and you giggle at him, coming back up and placing a kiss on his nose.
"You have no idea, how long…" he stops himself, but you give his hand a squeeze, telling him you understand. He kisses you lightly and before you two get lost in the heat, he pulls away then pats on your bed. Getting the hint, you climb onto your bed and wait for him. Turning over sits in front of you, drinking in the sight of you once again. There's lust in his eyes, yours too, but there's warmth behind the gaze.
Taking your left leg in his hand, he places a kiss on your ankle. The fire inside you burns brighter. Switching to your right leg, he does the same. There's hunger that radiates off him as he gets to your thigh and lands a big bite. He sucks at a spot close to where you ache for him the most. Pulling his hair in response, but he toys with you further and continues to bite and leave marks all over your thighs. He continues peppering kisses up along your body, maneuvering himself left and right, until he gets to your face where he places a soft kiss on your lips.
He reaches down to palm himself and the very real fact that the two of you are about to have sex, hits you.
"Wait, Hao," you say softly. He hums in response and you're trying to figure out how to ask for what you want without ruining the mood. In true fashion, Minghao senses your brain running wild and tilts your chin to look up at him.
"Where's your head at pretty?" He brushes your cheek with this thumb. Blushing is the name of the game and you have Olympic gold without even trying. Shyly you express that you haven't been with anyone in a while, which meant that you hadn't been on birth control. Your face is beet red as you're about to ask him for a condom, but he stops you in your tracks.
"Baby, you never have to feel weird about asking me to put on a condom," he murmurs as he presses a kiss to your forehead. He pulls back and looks straight into your eyes,
"Your comfort isn't optional. Ever."
He leans over to where he dropped his pants and fishes out a condom. He slips it on and returns to hover over you. Spreading your legs open with his knee, a sharp inhale comes from him when his eyes drop to your pussy, still glistening and pulsing from earlier. Reaching his hand down, he wraps his hand around himself and plays with your folds. Still sensitive from his fingers, you jump a bit at the contact. After a beat, he slides himself in with ease. Once he's bottomed out, you pull his face to yours to kiss him.
The two of you are a mix of groans as Minghao picks up the pace. One of his hands rolls a nipple in between his finger and thumb. The room feels hot, you feel sweat prickle at the base of your neck and the backs of your knees. Both of your hands are fisted into the sheets, toes curling at the height of pleasure he's bringing you to. You're begging him for more with your moans, you can feel your throat beginning to get sore.
When he suddenly slides out of you, you whimper at how empty you feel. The feeling only lasts for a second as he takes your left leg and throws it over his shoulder and sliding right back in. The new angle that he's fucking you with makes you dizzy with pleasure. Broken cries come out of your throat. His right hand grips your hip harshly as he pummels into you. Taking your left leg, he pulls it straight up by the calf and starts kissing your ankle again. The sensation sending fire straight to your core, prompting you to squeeze tightly around him. In reaction he lets out a low growl and nips at your ankle.
"Fuck Mingh-hao. Feels so good!" The room is filled with the noises of him slamming against your pussy and the chorus of your voices ringing out in pleasure. You know your neighbors are gonna hate you, but you quickly stop caring as Minghao continues rutting into you.
He moans against your calf in response, you feel the vibrations in your belly. The pace of his thrusts are starting to slow and you can feel that he's close. Arching your back off the bed, the angle is deeper and kisses the tip of your cervix. You know that you're gonna feel it tomorrow, but this was another thing that future you could worry about. This is Minghao's downfall as the new angle has you squeezing him tighter. Your second orgasm crashes over you and he catches the swell with the ease of a veteran surfer.
"Fu-fu-fuck, baby I'm cumming," he groans as he lets your leg go. You wrap both of your legs around his waist and cradle him as he collapses on top of you and spills into the condom. The two of you stay like this for a few moments, until Minghao slowly pulls out of you. Immediately feeling the sensitivity, you let out a small hiss as he slides out. He peppers your face with kisses to help as he slips the condom off.
After the two of you get cleaned up, you both lay under your sheets — legs tangled, your breaths matching each others, his hand drawing random shapes on your upper arm. The silence that falls over you two is comfortable, but there's something waiting to break the quiet.
"We did this totally backwards," Minghao giggles. You look up at him with wide eyes, a bit in shock with his choice of his words. Realizing that, he immediately presses a kiss to your nose to calm you.
"What I meant was that I would've at least liked to take you on a date first." It was Minghao's turn to blush. You giggle and place a soft kiss on his lips.
"We've never been the kind to go about things the typical way Hao," you quip. The smile he gives you makes your heart sing and swell. It's the type of smile that you'd spend the rest of your life preserving. The kind people fought wars for.
"That's true… In that case, wanna be my girlfriend?"
You hit his chest softly and he places his hand over yours. You kiss his hand and you know that he knows the answer to his question.
Yes.
It's a new week of work and you and Minghao walk into the building, hand in hand. Your favorite security guard makes no verbal mention of it when you walk past him, but you do not miss the giant grin plastered on his face as he hands the two of you your badges.
"You get up to anything fun this weekend?" The smugness incredibly evident on his face. You shrug, pretending to be absolutely aloof. In your periphery, you see the tips of Minghao's ears turn pink. Collecting your badges from Chan's hands, you nudge Minghao in the direction of the elevator. Once inside, you let out the laugh you'd been holding in, clutching your your sides. He looks at you like you've grown two heads. You wipe your tears and explain to him that Chan knew about the feelings you'd been harboring for the last five years.
"Chan was probably thinking 'Finally'." You shake your head, chuckling. As soon the two of you step off the elevator, you hear a shriek and suddenly you're pulled away from Minghao. You get wrapped into a tight hug by Hyeri, who sounds absolutely hysterical.
"Hi! What's this for? Don't get me wrong I quite love everything that is happening, but Ri you never hug me." She hits your arm, sniffling, warning you to not joke around.
The rest of the team surrounds you, thanking the heavens that you were alright. You and Minghao share the same questioning look. Your resident boy-genius fills you in by directing your eyes to the TV behind him. Your boss, Agent Choi Seungcheol is leading a press conference. Your eyebrows scrunch in even more confusion and then you read the byline at the bottom of the screen: "Caissa Networks sends clear message to the FBI". Hyeri finally lets you go, her eyes rimmed with red and damp. She continues scolding you for not answering any of her calls over the weekend. She rambles on about the fact that there was a threatening letter left on the doorstep of your boss' door with your name on it.
The bullpen is quiet until Dr. Jeon breaks the silence.
"What did happen to you this weekend?" You shake your head, shifting your eyes to Minghao. Neither of you talked about whether or not you were gonna tell everyone the second you came back to the office. You were both otherwise preoccupied. Before either of you can fumble through some awkward explanation, Seungcheol walks in, the poster boy for stoicism.
"Team meeting. 10 minutes," is all he says as he walks by. Like ducklings following their mother, the rest of the team tails behind him. Wonwoo narrows his eyes at the two of you before following suit. Silence falls between you and Minghao. You can hear the corners of his mouth turning up, ready to interrupt the quiet.
"So… You gonna tell the truth and say it was love at first sight?" The smugness is radiating off of him. You roll your eyes and mockingly tell him that he's not funny.
The smile on his face is annoyingly wide, but also dazzling. Not wanting to dignify him with a response, you turn on your heel and walk towards the conference room.
"C'moooon. It's a little bit funny!" He whispers into your ear.
"Pissing me off this early in the morning and in our relationship is not a smart move, Xu." You grumble quietly as you enter the conference room. Minghao's right behind you, sheepish grin as Seungcheol raises his brow at the two of you.
The rest of the meeting is spent trying to keep your focus as Minghao draws circles on your thigh underneath the table. You know it's his special way of apologizing and buttering you up. You make eye contact with Hyeri at some point and from across the table she mouths, "Girlfriend?!" referring to your comment from earlier. A look that says "I'll explain everything later" dances in your eyes and she returns a quick nod. There's a smile hidden behind your eyes, giddy at the memory of Minghao asking you to be his girlfriend.
a/n: this is my longest fic so far, this was such a labor of love and i am so excited to share it with everyone! this fic would not exist without the beautiful brains behind this collab: luna, rae and izzy — thank you for bringing everyone together and giving us new writers a space to feel comfy and welcomed.
to @livmarauder, @luvrung and @belovedgyu thank you for beta reading and helping this fic shine even brighter!
a special dedication to my 8stars always!
as always rbs are appreciated and rb's with your comments/tags are welcomed ♡
divider cred: @bunnytoppop
synopsis: at 27 years old you no longer had eligibility in the yearly season of courting. your only desire now was to get your younger sister married on her first season out this year. you never expected the loop that the choi family would throw your way with their youngest son hansol. he was perfect for your sister, yet why was he so intrigued by you?
pairing: viscount!vernon x f!reader
wc: — 17.7k
genre: regency era! au, bridgerton au
tags: angst, fluff, slow burn, bridgerton inspired, yearning, oh so much yearning, stubborn reader, lot of internal conflict w reader, mentions of anxiety, commitment issues, eldest sibling struggles, mentions of expectations/limitations on women in that era, title inaccurates for plot purposes, smut mdni!! masturbation, mutual masturbation (kinda?), implied inexperienced reader & vernon, virginity loss, praise, fingering, oral (f), unprotected sex (wrap it pls)
note: my part for the blockbusters collab is finally here! i’m so proud of this work and hopefully everyone loves our viscount hehe.. you can't have a bridgerton male lead without being a poet & i think vernon is so wise with his words hopefully that's portrayed accurately here. also take a wild guess what my fav season of bridgerton was and what this is kinda based upon??!! some stuff may be historically inaccurate (first/second son titles) for plot sake and un-british like cus im not, so sorry for that!
note #2: many thanks are underway. starting out, shoutout to luna ( @belovedgyu ), izzy ( @jakedustry ), and rae ( @nerdycheol ), for making this collab happen and supporting so many new/first time writers! your guidance the past few months has been amazing and i see how much everyone’s improved over time w all of your help. thank you @livmarauder, @jakedustry, and @cherrymayz for beta reading and being the first to see viscount vernon. another thanks to liv for making this wonderful banner, you’re truly so talented. lastly, thank you to everyone in this collab for your support!! i’m so grateful for all of you and watching everyone’s stories come to life has been awesome <3
dividers by @bronzewasp!
support the other blockbusters authors here !
The low rattle of the carriage typically helped lull you to sleep on the long journeys you've endured before. You watched from the small window as the greenery of the countryside passed by slowly. Your stomach was in knots, thoughts running wild preventing you from enjoying a peaceful nap.
A brief glance towards your sister eased the agony raging inside you. Her face was calm, chest rising slowly as her head rested on the shoulder of your cousin. You shared a look with her, a small smile on both your faces.
"She's ready you know. You don't have to stress so much." Your cousin says your name softly, a sigh leaving your lips.
"I understand that. It's my duty to be protective of her though. In my eyes I still see that 12 year old girl." Your sister was 19 now, a full adult and finally making her debut. She whined for two years that she was ready, but your family knew she needed to grow into herself more before searching for a suitor.
You were the eldest child, your brother Michael, was three years younger than you, and the youngest— Ana was eight years apart from you. Your mother passed when Ana was still young, instantly throwing you into a maternal role for your younger siblings.
When you were 18, you traveled from your kingdom of Ellerium with your father to England to make an official debut. You had no luck that season, and tried again the following year. You had managed to snag an engagement from a handsome and highly coveted Lord, excited to fulfill your dreams before he had called off the engagement abruptly. A princess was in town who had expressed her desire for your fiancée, leaving you in the dust.
You were crushed; you wore your heart on your sleeve but the experience of that season made you draw back. Your father and cousin did their best to comfort you, but the damage was done. You attempted one more time the following season when you were twenty, just to have foul luck once again. You returned to Ellerium that winter with a dull ache, and a shadow of the woman you were before.
The glitz and glam of the past three seasons had begun to add up and get pricey, your father having to travel more to pay off the debuts of your designer dresses. After three failures, you decided you struck out. You wouldn't cause your family any more trouble financially or physically. The journey from Ellerium to England was a three day trek one way. You swore you wouldn't go back until your sister was ready to make her debut.
Your father and cousin pushed you to try once more, but you already sealed your fate. Once you turned 23 your family stopped pushing. Most women in high society were married off by 21 or 22. If you were unwed by 25, you were deemed a certified spinster, which you had become for your family. You were 27 and content with your cat and helping your family. The yearn for something more always prodded at the back of your mind when you laid in bed at night, but for the sake of your sister you pushed the thoughts away. As long as she was happy, you were happy. At least that was what you told yourself.
The rolling hills began to turn into a familiar scene of villages, and the cottages owned by commoners who worked in the fields. The carriage veered off to the right, headed towards the city where all the members of The Ton resided. You leaned over and lightly shook your sister, knowing she would be fuming if she didn't catch a glimpse of the city coming in.
"Ana darling, time to get up. We're almost there." Her eyes slowly opened, a yawn and big stretch escaping as she turned towards the window. Her face shifted to one of awe, as it was her first time leaving the resides of Ellerium.
"Are you seeing this?" She turned back towards you smiling, drawing a soft grin from you. You were reminded of your first time in London and the excitement you felt upon first sight of the city.
"Take it all in my love." You felt all of her joy as she turns back out in disbelief, watching the markets and people stroll by.
The carriage made its way towards long rows of townhomes with intricate architectural designs and lined with grandiose gardens. It stops right in front of a beautiful red brick home with a white door and rows of hydrangeas along the walkway.
"I believe we are here! The Hong's have been expecting us!" Your cousin clasps her hands together loudly as the three of you file out of the carriage.
The front door swung open as a woman with a perfectly slicked bun and a kind smile came descending down the steps, a maid close behind her.
"Hello beautiful ladies! I am so ecstatic to have you here!" She exclaimed as you all gave a small curtsy, formally greeting your host for the season. "I am Lady Hong, You must be Ladies Ana and Y/N of Ellerium?" You extended a hand to her to which she held gently.
"That would be correct, Lady Hong. We cannot express our gratitude enough for letting us stay in your marvelous home for the season." You smiled brightly at her, your sister a ball of energy next to you as she could barely contain herself. You placed a hand at the small of her back to ground her, a reminder to control her emotions a bit. Your cousin exchanged a brief word with Lady Hong before giving her goodbyes to you and Ana.
"See you soon, cousin." She pulled back, a glint in her eyes as she looked at you. You knew she was thinking of how you might feel being back and unwed, but you give her a reassuring squeeze.
"Take care. I'll be back home before you know it and our baby girl will be betrothed, mark my words." She laughed, giving one final hug to your sister before returning into the carriage to make her journey back.
"Right this way ladies, let's take a tour shall we?" Mrs. Hong gestured for you to follow, her footman right behind carrying both of your bags.
The main foyer was stunning, larger than you expected from the outside as you and Ana toured the first floor, waving at the maids in the kitchen as you walk through. Upon entering the drawing room, you're taken back by the presence of two men. One— an older gentleman at the piano looking up from his note sheet; the other lifting his gaze from his book on the embroidered couch.
"Ana, Y/N, may I introduce you to my husband Lord Hong," the one at the piano gave a deep nod. "And my son, Joshua." The one at the couch closed his book, rising to give a bow to you and your sister. The two of you mimicked his actions, greeting one another formally.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Ladies. We are looking forward to being your generous hosts this season."
He smiled softly as you took a second to admire his features. Joshua was stunning, his hair swept back off his forehead, pretty eyes and a strong jawline. Pushing your selfish thoughts back, you wonder if he was eligible for your sister or not.
"We cannot express how grateful we are to be here Lord Joshua-"
"Please, just Joshua. I'm not big on titles." He shook his head, shocking you. Every man you've encountered in high society demanded their titles spoken every time they were addressed.
"Okay then, Joshua— I expect you to give me the best scoop on the suitors this season. I want only the best for my sister." Were you starting off strong? Possibly, but a man of his status— and looks, had to know what lords to stay far away from.
He gave a full belly laugh, not expecting your brazenness so soon.
"Alright, I'll be your guide to all things during this social season— and The Ton." He gleamed at the two of you, a hint of mischief in his eyes. He reminded you of your brother and you felt a sense of familiarity within the Hong household already.
"I'll let you two get settled into the home. Mother, I'm going to the lake with Hansol for a while, I'll be back before supper."
He rested a hand on his father's shoulder, giving his mom a kiss on the cheek and with a final bow towards you two, he headed out.
"Alright now, let's continue the tour. I'll show you your sleeping quarters."
After the tour of the estate, you and Ana got settled in the drawing room, chatting with Lord and Lady Hong while sipping tea. You were buzzing with excitement for Ana, ready for her to step out into The Ton and make her mark.
The day slips by with dinner approaching before you know it. The spread was divine, the maids working hard to prepare a special meal for the new guests.
"Oh heavens, now where is Joshua?" Mrs. Hong sighed, exasperated as Mr. Hong chuckled, pulling her seat out for her.
"You know that boy likes to come in right as we sit down. Give it another minute."
As if on cue, the sound of the front door opening and voices traveling in was a sure sign Joshua made it back just in time to eat.
"I'm home! I brought Hansol with me if that's okay?" He called from the foyer loudly.
"Always my dear, Hansol is always welcome in our home!"
You fought to keep your jaw off the floor as the two men stepped into the dining room, your sister going rigid next to you. You swore you've never seen a finer man walk in, his chocolate brown hair parted in the middle, light brown eyes scanning the room with a soft smile on his face.
"Who might we have here?" The man— Hansol, asked with a tilt of his head. You shoved an elbow into your sisters side as she made no effort to control her facial expressions. She blinked out of her haze and the two of you stood to give a curt bow.
"Lady Ana and Y/N of Ellerium, Sir." Your voice came out a pitch higher than you wished, your ears growing hot. Hansol gave a dip of his head in return.
"Lord Choi Hansol. Pleasure to meet you." His voice was deeper than you were expecting, yet his tone soft.
"Glad to have you join us for dinner, Hansol, your company is always a pleasure."
Lord Hong gestures for another place to be set for Joshua's friend who settled directly across from you. Your stomach did a flip as you appeared unfazed, pinching your sisters thigh to keep her from gawking at the handsome man across from you.
Dinner went along smoothly, the Hong family asking many questions about Ana and yourself. You tried to keep the focus on Ana, buttering her up in front of the two males in case they were interested. Hansol watched carefully, only commenting when necessary or if you asked something about him. Ana was timid, though you knew everything you asked she already was questioning as well.
"So your brother is an Earl?" Ana grew the courage to ask herself, a hint of a smile tugging on your lips. Hansol nodded, dabbing his lips with a napkin.
"Yes, Seungcheol is the head of our house now. As the second oldest son the Viscount title was passed to me." A soft 'ah' leaves both your lips as you listened to his family lineage.
"And has he found his Countess?"
You raised an eyebrow, Hansol's expression quickly matching yours.
"Are you asking for yourself?"
You scoffed.
"Absolutely not, the only one looking for a suitor is my darling Ana here." He hummed an acknowledgment, slowly sipping his wine.
"Unfortunate news to bear, but my brother has found his Countess already."
"What of yourself, Viscount?" You tilted your head, Ana's eyes on you now. She hated when you were brazen, especially knowing she was more on the shyer side.
"Ah, I had a feeling this was coming." He chuckled, Joshua smirking and clearly amused next to him. "No, I have not wed yet. I just got back from my travels across Europe this March."
You were highly intrigued by him. His travels across the globe, his intellectual way of thinking and striking looks made him the total package. Plus him being a Viscount meant a higher title in society. As much as you felt your heart call out for him, you knew he would be a perfect match for Ana to betroth.
"Interesting.. Perhaps you and Ana should get to know each other sometime." You pushed, a smug smile on your face. Hansol stares blankly, slowly nodding with a brief glance towards Ana.
"Perhaps."
His tone was flat, like a punchline missed. Maybe he was a tough case to crack—you didn't mind a challenge.
Dinner concluded with Joshua and Hansol disappearing into the drawing room as you and Ana sat and talked with the Hong's for a while after the dishes had been cleared. They appeared shortly after, Hansol claiming he had to get back to his mother and giving his goodbyes.
"Nice meeting you Lady Y/N, Ana." He gave a soft smile, taking your hand and planting a kiss on the back of it. He repeated the action with Ana, her face going hot from the contact. "I'll be around. If Joshua isn't there to be a guide, I'll be glad to step in." He looked you up and down once more before slipping out the door.
The brief interaction had your stomach in knots, the feel of a man's lips even brushing your hand had your knees wobbling. You felt it was going to be a long season if Hansol kept slinking around.
As you winded down for the night, brushing Ana's hair and wrapping it up, she rambled on about the day's events.
"Oh god Lord— Viscount— Hansol was so handsome. Did you see the way he looked at me?!" She sighed dreamily, twirling on a loose strand you hadn't wrapped up yet.
"It's just Lord, Ana, and he surely is a nice sight on the eyes." You agreed, mind wandering back to his playful gaze and how warm you felt under it.
He seemed to linger on you which you despised. You wanted your sister to be the center of attention, not you. Even if a small voice at the back of your mind yearned to be desired still, the way it did when you were eighteen. Your mission was Ana, not yourself.
You went to bed with Ana rambling for twenty minutes after the light went out, over the first ball of the season in two days. She left your mind racing knowing tomorrow you would be going to get alterations on her gown in the morning. Mrs. Hong insisted you find something for yourself, promising you had to look as equally marvelous. You wondered if she pitied you, wanting you to at least go out and feel pretty despite the circumstances.
The next day was busy, with Lady Hong waking you and Ana up early.
"I apologize girls, however if we don't leave before 7am, the line will be wrapped around the corner! I swear Jihyo is the best seamstress in the city!" She bustled about the room, swinging the curtains open to allow the rising sunlight in.
The click of hooves on the pavement rung out as the three of you made your way further into the city. You stopped in front of a white building, mannequins lining the glass windows modeling the most spectacular gowns you've ever seen.
"Mademoiselle Park's boutique will stun you, come on girls we have a long day of fittings ahead!"
Lady Hong stepped out the carriage, offering a hand to Ana as you went out the other way. Opening the doors to the boutique, a bell chimed alerting the owner of new arrivals as a pretty woman with long black hair rounded the corner.
"Ah, Lady Hong it's always a pleasure to see you!" She smiled brightly. "Who might these two debutons be?"
Your time to be a debuton was long behind you, you quietly thought. You had hope for Ana, your sister was stunning and well mannered.
"These two gorgeous girls are the Ladies of Ellerium!" She introduced you by first and last name, the owner Jihyo giving a low bow in greeting.
"Welcome, Ladies of Ellerium. Please take your time. I have quite the selection!" She followed Ana around, complimenting gowns that went well with her skin tone and hair color.
"Y/N, are you going to even have a look?" Ana turned back to you.
"No, darling. I'm looking for you over here."
"Sister, you have to find something. Maybe there's a Lord who likes his ladies a little… older…" You shoot a glare at your sister, a devious smirk playing on her face.
"I'm sorry, how old are you?" Jihyo asked with a head tilt.
"I'm twenty seven, too old to be this seasons diamond I fear." You scoffed, turning back to the overwhelming rack of gowns.
"Oh dear, I would've thought you were no older than twenty." Jihyo placed a hand over her chest with a pout and you felt a spark of rage simmer in your gut.
Why does everyone pity you? Why must a woman have to be married to have any worth in this society?
"Well your sister is right, find something pretty for yourself. Many Lords wait a long time to get married! Oh- looks like Ana may have found something, come here!" Lady Hong gasped, gathering your attention.
You turned to the pale blue gown made of satin, intricate swirls of pearls along the whole dress. The neckline was low, and if altered right, would fit her body perfectly.
"You would look ravishing in that Ana!" You exclaimed, sharing a giddy look with your sibling. She tried on the gown and sighed in awe at herself in the mirror across from her. Jihyo got to work, tailoring the way Ana desired. You smiled contentedly watching her reflection in front of you. You saw glimpses of yourself in her, and silently prayed she would find better than you ever did.
You felt a tap on your shoulder and turned to see Mrs. Hong with a stunning burgundy gown in her arms.
"Dear, I think you should try this one on. You'll look fierce." She handed off the delicate article of clothing as you insisted you couldn't.
"I can't possibly wear this…"
"Stop fussing and try it on!" Your sister made eye contact in the mirror with you, her gaze serious.
You huffed in defeat, shuffling towards the available curtain to undress behind.
"I'll be over to help you in a moment darling!" Jihyo called, her figure hunched over as she hemmed Ana's dress.
You undress from your simple green gown and stepped into the eye-catching burgundy gown. You just barely pull your arms through when Jihyo's voice is directly behind the curtain, asking to come in.
She slid the curtain open and gasped, eyes glowing. "My dear you look stunning. This dress is quite perfectly made for you!"
Her words brought a timid smile to your face, not expecting such a positive reaction. You didn't lack confidence necessarily; you knew you were beautiful. Years of being looked down upon by your family had warped your perception a bit— you just needed a little validation again.
"Here, let me fix you up and we can see what needs to be tailored from there." Jihyo's soft hands found the hooks and closed up the dress.
You gave a mixture of laugh and a sound of excitement at the sight in front you.
The dress hugged you perfectly, flowing out at your hips, past your feet. The neckline was scooped and not too low, making you look modest but sultry.
"Show your sister! She's going to love it!"
"I'm waiting!" Your younger sibling wasted no time to call for you, impatience in her voice.
When you stepped out, you watched both Ana and Mrs. Hong's mouths drop open.
"Well didn't I say you would look ravishing! I did not lie." Mrs. Hong circled around you, inspecting the details of the gown with a nod.
"You look wonderful, sister." Ana's voice was soft, her gaze kind.
She hoped you would still somehow find your own suitor, wanting nothing more than to see you happy as well.
"Thank you, Ana." You smiled softly at her. "I'm only wearing this for you, Lady Hong."
"I already added it to our family's tab so I would hope so!" You laughed at her in utter shock.
"Mrs. Hong!"
"I told you— an arrival gift for our beloved guests."
Jihyo finished up Ana's dress before making some minor tweaks on your otherwise perfect gown.
The three of you exited the boutique, expressing your thanks and gratitude towards Jihyo before heading back to your carriage. It was already mid-day, the dress hunt and tailoring taking up the whole morning and early afternoon. You were starving and willing to eat anything that was in front of you.
"I'm famished!" Ana sighed, expressing your thoughts with a toss of her head against the cushioned wall.
"As expected. Our head maid, Wanda will have cooked up something wonderful for us by now."
Walking into the doors of the Hong residence, the last thing you expected to see was Joshua running around shouting. You also absolutely did not expect to see Hansol crouched on top of a chair, face pale with a contorted expression upon his face.
"Hong Joshua, what in the world is going on!"
"Mother! A rodent made its way in our home!"
"Oh for goodness sake." She sighed, placing the boxes from the boutique into a maids arms. She was ready to ask Joshua where they last saw it when Ana let out a shriek, spotting the creature and running towards the chairs Hansol was hiding at.
"Oh shit!" You heard something crash and Joshua yelped, a broom in his hand as the mouse terrorizing the house rounded the corner.
"Joshua, give me the damn broom!" You shouted at the grown man running in circles from the mouse. He tossed it and you caught it with a slight fumble, swinging the door open, trying to attract the mouse.
"Shoo! Shoo!" You swatted the broom at the creature, watching it scurry out the house before slamming the door shut.
You glanced at everyone in the room. Joshua was huffing from doing a whole lot of nothing, chasing the rodent. Ana watched, perched on a chair directly across from Hansol, who's eyes were comedically wide. Mrs. Hong was unmoved, sharing an unamused look with you. Bunch of cowards.
"Lord Hansol, you're telling me all your travels across the globe and you let a rat get the best of you?"
You raised an eyebrow at him, a playful smirk spreading across his face.
"Never had to fight off rodents on the beaches of Portugal."
You groaned, the head maid taking the broom out of your hands with a smile. If Hansol couldn't even handle getting a mouse out of the home, how could you marry your sister off to him. Who was going to kill the bugs in that relationship?
"Unbelievable."
Hansol hopped off the chair, dusting his trousers off. He offered a hand to Ana, helping her down and sharing an amused look together.
"Sister would always get rid of the animals that found their way into our house. A squirrel was not safe around her." Ana joked, your eyes wandering between the two with a small shrug.
"Our house isn't in the city, someone had to take the role up." You stated simply; the others watching you curiously.
"Exactly as a big sister should!"
"Sure… More like Michael is a wuss." Hansol chuckled, learning about your younger brother over dinner last night.
"I don't blame him."
Your gaze shifted towards him, watching his struggle to keep a straight face.
"You're unbelievable, Choi Hansol."
"Hey! What happened to 'Lord Hansol?'" He teased, your eyes rolling hard.
"I'm going to the drawing room, the maids brought out some sandwiches. That is where you'll converse with Ana." You turned towards your sister, gesturing for her to follow you to the public room.
"Sounds like I don't have much of a choice?"
"Well of course not, my Lord."
You quietly chatted with Joshua as the two of you munched on the finger foods placed in the drawing room. You found yourself straining to hear Ana and Hansol's conversation on the couch farther down the room. Your gaze fell in their direction often, wondering if they were making any headway. Joshua noticed this, from the way you zoned out and stopped responding to him multiple times.
"You should go over there and sit with them at this point."
You glared at him, a bright smile across his face before he took a bite of pastry.
"Can a sibling not be concerned?"
"You should only be concerned with the man if he is actually interested." Joshua makes eye contact with you, confusion written all over your face. "Hansol has been adamant on remaining single. Said the right one for him won't be apart of The Ton, and if they are, he would have to fall for someone… unconventional…"
You swallowed hard, gaze shifting towards your feet momentarily. An unrecognizable feeling brewed inside your stomach upon his words.
"Well Ana is a bit unconv-"
"No, she's not. Not by Hansol standards."
"Then what would be his standard then if not my sister?" Tilting his head slightly, his gaze softened.
"You."
"Joshua, you can't just say unrealistic things like that!" You kept your voice low, yet alarmed. He couldn't be spewing that with the man in question a few feet away.
"Unrealistic? You've known him for a day, I've known him my whole life. Trust me when I say it was you who took his breath away at first sight, not Ana."
His revelation was like a punch to the gut, knowing how hard you were working to get your sister betrothed as soon as possible. Joshua didn't know what he was talking about, there was no way Hansol desired you. He was a tough case to crack, and you were going to do so for you sister's case— not your own.
You casted a glance in their direction once again, finding Hansol's sharp eyes already on you. A chill ran over you as you averted your gaze, turning back to Joshua.
The intensity of his gaze alone had your stomach flipping, and your heart racing.
Perhaps if you were meaner to him, whatever attraction Joshua claimed was there would dissipate.
You were the wrong sister to choose, and he would have to see that.
The bustle of the Hong estate the next day was exciting; maids and footmen moving around as the family prepared for the first ball of the season that night.
You were ecstatic to present your sister, knowing the queen herself would be in attendance. All of the ladies had a big impression to make, and Mrs. Hong apparently had a great connection with the queen.
"Trust me darling, the queen and I go way back." She exclaimed as your designated maids busied themselves fixing up your hair and makeup. "I'll have a proper introduction lined up for Ana." Mrs. Hong winked at your sister, her face lighting up over the thought of meeting the queen herself.
"That's wonderful, Lady Hong! I cannot thank you enough!" She squealed, clasping her hands together from uncontainable joy.
You spent what felt like all day prepping for the ball, Ana complaining her neck ached after being in the chair for hours. The final product was jaw-dropping; you nearly teared up at the sight of her.
She looked elegant, yet refreshing— holding herself with a womanly poise.
"Wow sister, you look stunning."
"You can't be one to talk! This burgundy looks gorgeous on you!" You gave a small spin, not used to the glam you've stayed away from for seven years.
"Thank you my dear. Now, let's go find you a husband."
The first ball was hosted by the Lee's, a very prominent and influential family in the Ton. They had a mansion farther out from the city, used mostly for social gatherings.
Your jaw dropped as the sight of the castle-like home came into view, already lined up with carriages along the main walkway.
"The Lee's surely know how to host. Their oldest, Jihoon, was married a few years back but the two youngest sons are eligible currently! Ana, I will speak very highly of you to them and introduce you myself!" Mrs. Hong was excited, sharing with you prior to leaving she had yearned for a second child— a daughter. By hosting Ana and yourself, she could finally experience what other mothers of The Ton did with their daughters.
"Oh! I can't forget about you as well Y/N, there will be plenty of suitors there," You opened your mouth to speak before she raised a hand, stopping you before you began. "I know, I know, you're not interested but don't give up completely dear. I got engaged at twenty six."
You were glad she had found her love match later on, but you knew the story wasn't the same for you. You gave up a long time ago and decided upon that. You weren't going to turn her down, but your heart was out of the game a while ago.
"I'm almost thirty and still am unwed!" Joshua butted in, earning a side eye from you and an eye roll from his father.
"Things are different for us, Joshua. You could get married at fifty and it would be acceptable."
"My apologies, just wanted to be relatable…" You laughed at him, appreciative of his efforts.
Your group made it inside, Ana barely containing her excitement at the grand entryway, and the stunning attire all around.
"I'll be back, I'm off to find the Lee sons! Joshua watch over them!" Mrs. Hong stepped off, dragging her husband along with her.
"Alright ladies, Lord Joshua at your service. Let's get some introductions rolling."
After weaving through the crowds and bowing at recognizable faces, he finally lead you to the main floor, snatching up three glasses of champagne.
"Better vantage point here, ah, do you see the man with glasses straight ahead?" Joshua tilted his champagne glass in said direction, granting a nod of acknowledgment from both you and Ana.
"That is Lord Jeon Wonwoo. Certainly a piece of eye candy. He's a true gentleman and his family has connections to the royal family of Korea. He's the slightest bit weird, and a little quiet. If you can get past that— or that's your type, then he's a perfect candidate!"
You hummed, slowly sipping your champagne. You take note of Lord Wonwoo, ranking him high on your list for Ana.
"Oh! Who is that?" Ana's voice caught your attention as you turned to see a taller man with bleached blonde hair to his nape and a small crowd around him.
"That, my dear, is Duke of Shenzhen— Wen Junhui. Only in town for a few weeks in search of his Duchess before he leaves back to China. Tough competition though…"
"China is too far for me, I need to be able to visit often."
"If it gets you married to a Duke, you could go to Australia for all I care Ana." She whined at this, ready to bicker before you catch Mrs. Hong making her way towards the three of you. The broad shouldered man accompanying her could only be what you assumed, one of the Lee sons.
"Ah! There she is! This is Lord Lee Chan, the youngest of the bunch. Lord Chan, may I introduce you to Lady Ana of Ellerium?" The two shook hands and formally dipped into a curtsy and bow.
"Lady Ana, you look marvelous, quite literally stole my breath away!" She smiled shyly. "Who might you be?" He turned to you with a bow that you return.
"I'm her older sister, just here to support her debut season." You softly gave your name and title with a kind smile. Chan looked you up and down, a smirk forming.
"You need to meet my cousin, you seem just like his type-"
"Ah Chan, we should let you and Ana get acquainted!" Joshua cuts in, signaling for you and his mother to make an exit.
"Yes, that sounds perfect. Pleasure meeting you, Lord Chan." You gave a final curtsy, meeting your sister's eyes with a silent message— 'you got this.'
The three of you scurried off, Mrs. Hong disappearing once again to make her rounds. You and Joshua settled near a corner, on your second glasses of champagne when Chan's comment resurfaced in your mind.
"Do you know who Lord Chan's cousin may be?"
He glanced at you, taking a sip of the bubbly drink.
"Mmm not sure who he was referencing. The Lee's family tree is insanely big."
Something in you told you he was lying but you brushed it off for now, watching Ana and Chan make their way onto the floor to dance.
You scanned the ballroom, searching for other potential suitors when your eyes landed upon a familiar figure. Hansol was on the other side of the floor, dressed in a navy blue suit as he chatted with another broader man. The more you looked, you saw they had the same crest woven on their jacket pockets and it clicked; that was his brother Seungcheol.
You watched his eyes roam the dance floor, as if he was searching for someone before he finds you. His gaze was heavy, a single eyebrow going up upon contact. He whispered something to Seungcheol, excusing himself, as he made his way towards you and Joshua along the edge of the crowd.
"Should've known I'd find you here standing in a corner." Hansol joked.
You felt his eyes drift over you, drinking up the sight of you in the intricate gown. His staring was nothing short of shameless, his expression blank yet carrying a weight behind his eyes you couldn't place. You felt your face grow hot, opting to sip the bubbly drink to hide the growing flush of your cheeks.
"You know these things aren't my cup of tea. And Lady Y/N here is trying to avoid any and all male attention." Joshua poked fun at you, a sinister grin on his face matching Hansol's.
"Any attention warranted to me can certainly be directed towards Ana. Speaking of, she seems to be hitting it off with Lord Chan, no?" You tilted your head towards the pair moving swiftly across the floor.
"Channie has always been a great man, if he wants to pursue Ana they would be a wonderful couple." Hansol's nickname for Chan caught you off guard. They must've been closer friends than you thought.
"My lady, would you be interested in a dance?" Hansol questioned, his head tilting.
"Oh no, I don't dance my Lord."
"A Lady of your status most certainly knows how to." He pushed back, his expression remaining unreadable, though the playfulness was present in his tone.
"I don't know, Lord Hansol-"
"Please, I beg of you to drop the formalities. Just Hansol." You gulped, feeling Joshua's gaze tear back and forth between the two of you.
"Just one dance, I promise to bring you back to Joshua in one piece." A hint of a smile twitched along the corner of his lip as he stared down at you.
You sighed deeply, nodding in agreement as you felt like your heart was betraying your mind.
He grabbed your flute and handed it to Joshua, gently taking your hand to guide you towards the edge of the dance floor. You step into formation with his strong hand in between yours, the other resting high on your waist. You danced in silence for a while, avoiding any eye contact while you focused on the drag of the music and keeping your feet coordinated.
"Why are you so adamant on remaining unwed?" Hansol broke the silence first, his directness nearly making you stumble over your own feet.
"Why does it matter? I'm past the age most women get married. I'm happy as long as my sister is happy." You bit your tongue, knowing the rehearsed answer you typically gave fell flat. He hummed in response, barely heard over the strum of the violins.
"That didn't sound very convincing. Plenty of women still get married at your age. My mother married my father when she was 32." You glanced up at him, his gaze soft and holding your own carefully.
"That makes you and Seungcheol half siblings right?" You questioned, Hansol giving a curt nod.
"Yes, but that's irrelevant right now. I'm talking about you. You deserve a shot at happiness as well." He spoke your name quietly, spinning you in sync with the music.
Your stomach was in knots, the proximity to him and his utterances making your mind grow fuzzy. His words rattled in the back of your mind as you grew silent, swaying with the music. You knew you deserved to be happy, but the thought of your family covering two weddings within a short time frame made you uneasy. If anyone should receive that blessing, it should be your sister.
The song finished, signaling the end of your dance with Hansol. You curtsy as he gave a deep bow, leading you back towards Joshua in the corner.
"Thank you. For dancing even if it was for a few minutes. You need to loosen up more." He stated simply, snatching a champagne flute off a tray and bidding a farewell, off to search for his brother once more.
Hansol was plaguing your mind the more time you spent with him and Joshua's convictions the day before reappeared in your thoughts. You had to shake off the feeling he left— and fast.
"Ana has been having quite the night if I say so." Joshua commented, snapping you back to reality as you scanned the crowd to find your sibling.
"Is that so?"
"Mmm, she's currently talking to the second oldest son of the Lee's— Lee Seokmin." He tilted your head towards your sister, catching her in deep conversation with a tall man with a bright smile.
"Good. Put in a word with one of the Lee boys to come visit her."
"Always working are we?" He joked as you fixated on the sight in front of you.
"You said you'd help us this season, Joshua. I expect that includes with the men in your circles as well." You turned towards him with a cheerful smile. You always got what you wanted when it came to your siblings.
"Of course, my Lady."
The first ball was a success, Ana boasting the rest of the night about all the suitors she had danced with, and her first encounter with the queen herself. You were introduced to her as well, keeping your poise in front of the most respected and feared woman in London.
The following days lead to a slow trickle of men of different statuses making way into the Hong residence, eager to make conversation with Ana. You were ecstatic, watching each interaction carefully in the corner of the drawing room. Mrs. Hong or Joshua was always by your side, critiquing the candidates with hushed voices.
Hansol was a frequent visitor, snatching Joshua away from the home, or staying and making conversation with everyone. You were watching intrigued one day as Hansol shared his notebook with you, going over the details of his travels. Ana was deep in conversation with Chan, though you knew she wanted to speak to Hansol as well.
"Hansol, why don't you stay and chat with Ana after Lord Chan leaves?"
His hand hovered above the notebook, his eyes widening in the slightest as if he wasn't expecting what you said.
"I'm alright here actually."
"She's very interested in you Hansol-"
"Chan has a great chance with her. I'll converse for your sake— as a friend, but I don't have romantic intentions with her."
You sighed, feeling like you were talking to a brick wall.
"What will it take to pursue her?"
It was Hansol's turn to sigh, his eyes closing briefly in exasperation.
"I've told you before, I have no intentions of marriage. It would have to truly be a love match by the grace of God."
"Would you hate me if I kept trying?" You asked, expecting him to snap. Hansol was unmoved, shaking his head.
"No, I couldn't ever hate you. But your efforts are troublesome for yourself. Focus on Lord Chan, or even Lord Seokmin, for your sister. Not me."
As much as you silently pleaded with him, you knew it was falling upon deaf ears. Hansol had made his decision a long time ago, unsatisfied with the hand full of options within the Ton that shamelessly threw themselves all over him. Simply for his looks and his title, hoping to become the next Vicountess. He hated it, knowing those were two of the things he cared the least about.
A few weeks later you were out for a stroll with Ana along the lake by the edge of town, watching families of the Ton out on the sunny day.
"How's progress been with Lord Jeon?" You held your hands clasped tightly, your deep purple dress feeling heavy in the summer heat.
"He's been okay, he's just so quiet. I'm quiet myself so the conversation always turns awkward…" She huffed, kicking a pebble in frustration. "I wish Lord Choi would be more receptive… he's always stoic around me."
You felt your gut twist up, knowing Hansol's words to you a few weeks prior. Not to mention, he tended to act the complete opposite around you. You felt uncomfortably guilty, even though you hadn't done anything wrong.
"I'm working on that Lord Choi now… What about Lord Lee?"
"Which one?"
"Ah, both Lee brothers have been pursuing you? You're the hottest Lady out this season I see!" She laughed at you, bumping her hip into yours.
"Lord Seokmin has talked to me a few times, but the real chase has been Lord Chan. That one… my word he is persistent."
"Speak of the devil…" You mumbled, catching sight of four figures approaching you on the trail ahead. The set of Lee and Choi brothers made their way towards you and Ana, stopping short to allow the two of you to curtsy in greeting.
"What a coincidence seeing you two out here!" Lord Seokmin stated cheerfully, his eyes crinkling with a smile.
"Pleasure seeing you again, Lord Seokmin." You smiled softly at him.
You caught Chan staring at Ana and gestured quickly with your head for him to talk to her.
"Lady Ana, would you mind joining me on a stroll?" He asked, your sister turning towards you for approval. You looked at her, your face reading 'don't look at me!' as she turned back and agreed. The pair wandered off down the trail as you continued to walk with the remaining three men, not far behind.
"Our cousin happens to be very interested in your sister. I wouldn't be surprised if a wedding was called for by the winter time." Seungcheol spoke, your head turning in confusion.
"Wait, cousin? Who's your cousin?" Your head whipped back and forth between the three, trying to place who they were talking about.
"Seungcheol and I are related to Chan and Seokmin. They're our cousins." Hansol quietly shared, as your mouth fell open in an 'o' shape.
"Small world? I had no idea you were cousins!"
"Doesn't take long to notice once you hear Chan speak for longer than twenty minutes." Seokmin added, the group chucking at his comment.
"So, Y/N. Hansol told me you were unwed?" Seungcheol asked, hands in his pockets as you trained your gaze towards the ground.
"It seems to be a hot topic for everyone…" You huffed in annoyance, tired of your status being discussed. "I am, and I happen to be very content with my cat. And taking care of my family."
Seungcheol hummed while Seokmin looked at you in disbelief, Hansol staying quiet.
"I can't believe a woman as beautiful and well carried as yourself hasn't found her husband! You're still young, don't count yourself out!" Seokmin met your gaze, trying to express his shock to the fullest.
"It's okay, every family needs their spinster right?" You joked, hands toying with the lace along your dress.
"Hey, if nobody snatches you up by the end of the season… You know where to find me." Seokmin says your name with a wink, causing your cheeks to grow hot.
Seungcheol laughed in amusement, playfully shoving his cousin.
Nobody caught the way Hansol's jaw ticked, his usually calm exterior slipping momentarily.
Prior to the next biggest ball of the season; you, Ana, and Mrs. Hong found your way to Jihyo's shop once more. Ana was being fitted into a shimmering pale pink gown, as you held the box your new gown resided in. Mrs. Hong swore it was her duty to splurge in you— both of you, as your host.
"You know, Lord Chan mentioned he liked me in pale colors." Ana looked smug in the mirror as you made a face back at her.
"Oh? You care what Lord Chan likes on you now huh?" You teased, sharing a playful look with Mrs. Hong.
"Well… I've given up on Lord Hansol. He's icing me out." The unnerving feeling resurfaced in your gut at the mention of his name. "At least Lord Chan makes an effort for me. I don't want to chase a man."
"I raised you right my dear." You nodded at her proclamation, glad she felt a sense of self worth in a society that thrived off male attention.
"If I didn't know better sister, I'd think he might be interested in someone else?" Her tone was questioning, and you felt as if she was accusing you of something.
"What do you mean, Ana?"
"I notice things… He seems to like talking to you… A lot."
"That's nonsense, he talks to me as if I'm another Joshua." You huffed, feeling her eyes lingering on you through the mirror.
"I'm not mad, Y/N, just be honest if you have feelings or not so I know. I don't want to be blindsided." You couldn't explain the feeling brewing inside you other than simply— awful.
You couldn't even give her a direct answer because you didn't know the truth yourself. You were at war with your emotions at all times, thoughts of Hansol filling your mind when you least expected it. You didn't want to hurt your sister, and you needed to regulate your feelings as soon as possible.
"I don't have feelings for him." You swallowed down the lump in your throat, praying the way your voice shook didn't give you away. You felt three pairs of eyes on you, making your unease grow.
"Alright… "
You were on edge the rest of the day, thankful Hansol decided to stay away from the Hong residence for the day. You couldn't face him right now.
As the maids worked to make you and Ana stunning for the ball, you found yourself forcing conversation with your sister and the maids to keep your mind off your troubles.
A particularly hard tug of your hair had your maid apologizing, you waving her off promising it didn't hurt. She worked to weave your hair into a braided crown, leaving framing curled pieces out. Your makeup was soft, yet a pop of eyeliner on the waterline was used to make your eyes stand out. Your dress was a low cut azure blue shade, lined with intricate lacing. The gown you sported tonight had to be the most beautiful one you've ever worn, your confidence skyrocketing.
"Oh sister, your Lord Hansol will be in shambles upon seeing you!" Ana teased next to you, her bright cheeks and pale pink dress contrasting your darker makeup and dress.
"Quit that, he's not my anything." You crossed your arms over your chest, her teasing getting the best of you.
She smirked, her eyes glimmering with mischief as she grabbed your hand to descend down the steps.
"Tell that to him! Joshua was telling me that Lord Hansol had his eyes set on a woman finally, but wouldn't tell him who. I'd bet 5 pounds it's you, sister."
"I doubt it, I'm too old."
"You're a year younger than him!" Ana sighed as the two of you exited the house, your heels echoing on the marble floors.
The Hong family gave the two of you generous compliments the whole ride to the residence, Joshua fanning himself for dramatic effect.
"Lady Y/N, you might be betrothed by the fall if you keep looking like that." He teased, his eyes skimming along you with a burning heat.
"Joshua, you're too much of a tease." You rolled your eyes, ignoring the prickle of your skin from his compliments. While he was your friend and host, he still was an unwed, attractive and highly coveted man within The Ton. You had to keep an eye on that one now…
The ball was hosted by the Yoon family, their residence being amongst one of the biggest within the city. Most balls were held in families second homes, either along the edge of the city or within the countryside. The Yoon family had so much wealth, their home was rivaled only to the royals.
"You're telling me this is their main home?" Ana watched the mansion fall into line of sight, Mr. Hong chuckling at her reaction.
"The Yoon's have been the most loyal family to the royals for centuries. Most of this wealth comes from their dedication to the crown." He explained.
"So tell me… do they have any bachelor sons..? I'll take a cousin as well." The carriage exploded with laughter at Ana's antics, her grin wide as you leaned into her with a giggle.
"Well, their only son Jeonghan, was married two seasons ago. I believe one of the cousins, Yoon Keeho is still unwed. You'll have fierce competition though, every mama in The Ton will be working overtime tonight to get him to look at their daughters." Mrs. Hong added, her champagne color dress sparkling under the street lights leaking into the carriage.
"Y/N, Mr. and Mrs. Hong, Joshua. If you find Lord Keeho for me, you'll be given front row seats to our weddding."
"I'm your sister, I better get a front row seat!" You smacked at her arm, giggling at your baby sister.
The carriage stopped in the long cobblestone road, the line of carriages extending far. Mr. Hong ushered everyone out, promising it would take another hour to reach the front.
"Xavier will find us after, let's get in while we can." He offered a hand to help you out, your heels clicking along the cobblestone as the group made its way to the entrance.
Inside the mansion was lively, hundreds of people swarming around the busy mansion. Bouquets of flowers bigger than you've ever seen were elaborately arranged, desserts and other finger foods stacked high on wracks all around. You were barely inside for a minute before everything started to overwhelm you.
"Oh! There's the Lee brothers! Let's make haste!" Ana announced, grabbing your hand to drag you towards the sibling pair. You tossed your head back, eyes pleading with Joshua as he laughed, shoulders going up in a shrug.
"Glad to see some familiar faces. How are the Ellerium Ladies doing tonight?!" Seokmin exclaimed, kissing the backs of both of your hands softly, Chan bowing in greeting.
"I've got to say, this is the most expensive looking home I've ever been in!" Ana joked, the two brothers laughing.
"The Yoon's know how to do it big!" Chan nodded in agreement. "Would you ladies like to join us for a dance?" He asked, his eyes landing on you, a silent way to ask for permission to steal your sister away.
"That would be marvelous, let's go!" You agreed, watching Ana instantly reach for Chan and make their way towards the center. A hand rested along your back gently, Seokmin guiding you with silent and gentle authority.
You wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, his hands barely hovering around your waist. The two of you gently swayed to the string symphony in the background, Seokmin dancing effortlessly alongside you.
"How's the season been for you?" You inquired, wondering if he had any serious prospects.
"Overwhelming. Boring. A bit of everything, I fear the social season will have worn me out come the fall." He chuckled.
"Too many Ladies to choose from?" You tilted your head, Seokmin shaking his own briefly.
"No, No. Not enough of the right ones."
"I'm sure there will be a wonderful Lady out there for you, my Lord. You're so kind it would be impossible not to." You commented as he removed his hand from your waist, giving you a twirl.
"Thank you, darling. You're right, maybe she's right in front of me?" His eyebrow went up, a soft smile upon his face. Your stomach churned, anxiety settling deep in your gut.
You didn't know how to handle all the sudden attraction from the different men. You thought after seven years, you would be past any potential feelings when the season came around. You weren't blind, you knew if you came with Ana that someone would try getting to know you. You just weren't ready for the commitment, having grown so comfortable on your own for years.
"I'll have to get back to you on that one, Lord Seokmin." You forced a smile as the song crescendo's to an end. You gave a quick bow, turning on your heels to find an escape. The air was turning suffocating as his implications swirled in your head. You heard him call your name as you pushed through the crowd, desperate to leave.
You spotted the glass door to the garden and sighed in relief, pushing through the doors with ferocity. The night air was refreshing, taking in gulps of air in attempt to settle your nerves. You walked further into the greenery, your breaths shaky as you found a bench to hide out at.
You kept your eyes closed, inhaling deep breaths to steady yourself. Seokmin couldn't be serious? What was it about you that drew their attention?
You heard a twig snap, startling you. Your eyes flew open and you whipped your head towards the sound, spotting a figure approaching you in the dark.
"Are you doing okay?" A familiar voice called out, Hansol's figure becoming visible under the twinkle of the floating candles in the garden.
"Wasn't expecting anyone out here, and most certainly not you…" The main source of your issues was standing in front of you, his expression blank yet the slightest turn of his head showed he was confused.
"Am I allowed to sit or are you going to bite my head off?" You huffed out a laugh, scooting over to allow him space. He settled quietly next to you, his eyes trained on the lilies in front of him.
"To answer you— no, I'm not doing okay." You sighed, pressing your palm to your forehead. Hansol turned, silently waiting for you to continue. "I don't deserve any of this attention." You barely mumbled out. If Hansol wasn't directly next to you, you doubt he would've heard. "I came here for my sister— just for my sister. I didn't ask to be pursued."
"Why do you feel so strongly about this? You don't want to give love a chance?" You laughed, the words rich coming from him.
"You're asking me when you're the one who's sworn off marriage. When you have women flaunting over you every day, Hansol." He opened his mouth to speak before you cut him off. "I know, you're only settling for the perfect one, but we're almost like two sides of the same coin now."
"Are you saying we're perfect for each other then?" A hint of a smirk was visible on his lips. You pursed your lips, not in the mood for his jests.
"What? No, stop toying with me." You grew frustrated, knowing he was causing most of your turmoil and he didn't even know.
"What if I told you I was one hundred percent serious just now." His tone dropped, his eyes wandering across your face.
Your lips parted, disbelief wracking your senses. The hum of the party grew into background noise as your ears rang.
"You're a fool."
"I would be more than pleased to be your fool." He was quick witted, not missing a beat with you. He typically remained quiet, never sharing his feelings but he couldn't hold back any longer. His hand resting on his thighs twitched, fighting the urge to grab your face and bring your lips towards him.
"Hansol, I.. I don't know if I'm ready for marriage. I can't guarantee you anything so please, please, find another Lady." Your voice shook, your resolve crumbling. You had to keep your walls up, no man— not even Hansol, could bring them down.
"I've waited all these years. I would wait for you until the day you're ready." His voice was sure and steady, his eyes the most serious you've ever seen them.
You worked the courage to meet his gaze fully, watching his pretty eyes linger on your own. In a moment so quick, you nearly missed it, his eyes landed on your lips before trailing back to your eyes. You sucked in a sharp breath, feeling the air around you changing.
Your eyes widened as you watched Hansol begin to lean down, the world slowing to a halt. It was just you and Hansol now, your heart thundering through your chest. Just as his lips nearly were on yours, you turned your head sharply. His breath fanned across your cheek as you trembled, his lips almost resting on the cheekbone.
"I'm sorry, Hansol, I truly am. I cannot be the one for you." Your gaze was settled on the shrub across from you, your cheek still turned away from the quick maneuver. You heard the shuffle of him leaning back and you stood up abruptly.
You took a step back, Hansol softly calling your name; an inkling of hurt lingering in his tone. His wide eyes were shining in the moonlight, making your stomach lurch. You shook your head roughly, tears forming in your eyes as you took off running through the garden, leaving him behind in disbelief.
You fought to keep the tears from spilling over, not wanting a trail of eyeliner running down your face as you reached the garden doors once again. Pushing through the crowd of people, you searched frantically for anyone you could confine in, when your eyes landed on Joshua; emerged in conversation with Seokmin.
That was the last place you could be right now.
You wandered in the opposite direction, ready to leave the event. You wanted to crawl into bed and sob, your heart aching like you've never felt it before. The longer you stood in this ballroom, the harder it was to breathe.
"Lady Y/N, are you alright?" You whipped your head to see Mr. and Mrs. Hong, chatting with Mr. and Mrs. Lee. The tears pooling in your eyes threatened to spill as you shook your head. Mrs. Hong leaped into action, wrapping her arms around you and telling Mr. Hong to find their carriage.
"Can you tell me what's wrong, dear?" She lead you towards a corner, away from prying eyes as you kept your focus trained towards the floor.
"I would like to leave. Ana and Joshua shouldn't leave early because of me, but I have to get out of here, Lady Hong."
Mr. Hong reappeared, alerting you to the carriage waiting out front.
"Should we grab Joshua and Ana?" He questioned, a worried look on his face upon seeing your trembling form.
"No dear, you stay here. I'll go with her and send Xavier back with the carriage as soon as we arrive." He nodded, resting a grounding hand on your shoulder briefly before Mrs. Hong pulled you out the grandoise doors.
The moment the doors of the carriage closed behind you, the well of tears that had built up finally came pouring out. Sobs wracked your body as you nearly wailed out from how hard the tears rushed down. You were aching. You typically held your emotions in well, an unwavering anchor for your family. The stress of the past few weeks finally caught up to you, with Hansol's words burning in your mind.
Mrs. Hong stayed quiet, not once forcing you to talk to her. She rubbed calming circles into your arms and whispered hushed promises that you'll be okay.
You hoped she was right.
By the time the carriage pulled up to the estate, your makeup was ruined. Streaks of eyeliner marked your face as your maid stared at you in shock when you entered the residence.
"Anica, help her get that makeup off. I'll be by soon."
You threw the door to your room open, your maid following close behind.
"My Lady, let me help you."
She worked to gently remove your makeup, wiping away the black streaked spots. You helped her take your hair down, pulling bobby pins out with puffy eyes. She remained silent at your request, though you felt her worrying eyes. When you finished and washed your face, you didn't expect to see Mrs. Hong sitting on your bed.
"Wanted to make sure you were alright dear. I won't make you tell me what happened, but I'm here as a listening ear if you'd like." You appreciated her approach, the opposite of what you're expecting when Ana got home.
You were tired, flopping onto the soft bed with a pout.
"I don't know what to feel and it scares me." You mumbled, toying with the top sheet as Mrs. Hong waited for you to continue. "I've avoided all affection for years, and I thought I wouldn't be this… weak… coming into this season."
"Having feelings doesn't make you weak, it's in our nature, sweetheart. You're allowed to feel this— to work through these feelings." For one of the few times in your life you were genuinely conflicted— and scared.
"Which one of them is it? I know it has got to be either Lord Seokmin or Hansol."
"What if I told you it was a little bit of both. Mostly Hansol though. Most definitely Hansol." Her mouth tweaked into a smirk, reading you like an open book.
"My my. For someone who didn't want a suitor this season, the boys are persistent about you!" You groaned, throwing your head back onto the pillow behind you.
"No matter how many times I say it, they keep coming back! Hansol, he… he almost kissed me tonight." Your revelation has her eyes bulging, her jaw dropping unexpectedly.
"You've put a spell on that boy. If Choi Hansol is pursuing anyone, he must really have his mind set on you."
"I don't know what to do Mrs. Hong! I can not see myself leaving Ellerium, and the thought of both Ana and I getting married when I should've done so about five years ago.. It's nerve wracking." You were never supposed to come here and catch feelings for someone. You're Ana's anchor. Her guidance throughout this crazy time in her life— to help her step into her womanhood. You felt selfish now.
"I know what you're thinking… about coming here only for Ana. From the way things are going, Lord Chan will propose eventually. He is committed to her." You nodded, seeing firsthand how Chan was working to be active in her life.
"Your mother passed when you were young. You've been a caretaker all your life; isn't it time you allowed someone else to take care of you?"
Her words weighed heavy in your mind that night as you tossed and turned.
The moment Ana came home she demanded you to share what happened. You groaned and begged her to blow the lamp out and that you'll catch her up in the morning. She was irritated, but respected your request just for once.
A week went by after the faithful night, and you had yet to see Hansol anywhere. He stopped by briefly one morning to retrieve something from Joshua, mumbling a stiff 'hello' to you as you returned the gesture.
Joshua wasn't stupid. His best friend who damn near lived in his house barely stepped foot in the residence for over a week. It didn't take a genius to put the pieces together. He knew something had happened out in the garden between you and Hansol. He was aware that Hansol liked hiding in the gardens during parties, and from the information he gathered from Seokmin; you had stormed out there after the mere mention of marriage.
"Tell me truthfully, what happened with you and Hansol?" He questioned you one day in the drawing room, halting his piano session to bore his eyes into yours.
"Nothing's wrong, Joshua…"
"Right… Because my best friend of fifteen years suddenly stops coming around after you flee the ball in tears. And suddenly he's 'Lord Choi' or 'Lord Hansol' once again when a week ago, he was just 'Hansol' to you." You gulped, knowing Joshua had read you with ease.
"He said he would wait for me.. to accept him. It was too much and I told him I'm not the Lady for him. Left him behind without looking back and it probably was for the best." He pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly distressed.
"When I say this, please don't take offense-"
"Don't disrespect a Lady, Joshua." You joked, earning an eye roll from him.
"You are so, so dense. My word… I've never seen Hansol like that before. The guy is usually off in his own world, yet he's willing to make you his entire world." You avoided his eyes, turning back to your book as your heart sank. "You deserve happiness, no matter how much you tell yourself you don't. Hansol is a perfect match for you."
"You're saying this because he's your best friend."
"I'm saying this," he paused to accenture his words. "Because I see two people who swore off love, holding out hope for a perfect love match. My word if I ever saw a love match, it would be you two."
You mulled over your conversation with Joshua's as you soaked in the tub that night. You would have a chance to speak to Hansol at the upcoming ball this Friday. His family was hosting this time; at their house in the countryside.
Your eyes were closed as thoughts of Hansol filled your mind. You wondered how his lips would've felt on yours, if he kissed gently— or with ferocity behind it.
The more you imagined scenarios of Hansol, the more you grew frustrated, with a dull ache formulating between your thighs. You needed to relieve some of your stress anyways.
You trailed a hand down your body, stopping to roughly pinch at your sensitive nipple, before dragging down to your center.
You teased the hole, pushing a finger inside with an airy sigh. Working yourself open, you pushed a second finger in, curling up to meet that spongy spot that had you trembling.
You remember how strong his hands felt along your waist. How big they were spread out across his journal.
You imagine his long fingers pumping inside of you right now instead of your own. Biting back a moan, you pinch your clit, eager for a quick and hard release.
The water in the tub sloshed around as you bucked your hips up, your orgasm hitting you suddenly as your vision went white. Hansol's name was quietly on your tongue as you came, wishing his face was buried in your sopping cunt.
You threw your head back against the edge of the tub, the blissful feeling easing the anxiety in your system; even if it was only momentarily.
You felt guilty, a sense of shame washing over you for touching yourself with him on your mind.
Little did you know, at the same time across town— Hansol was spread out on his bed, actions mirroring your own.
With quick pumps of his heavy cock, he came hard, jerking his hips up and spilling all over himself with a soft cry of your name.
His hand was nothing compared to what he hoped your cunt would be, but it would have to make do for now.
As the ball hosted by the Choi's approached, you felt uneasy with the thought of running into Hansol again. You knew you couldn't avoid him forever, and would have to tackle your conflicted emotions finally.
The night prior to the ball, you found sleep hard to come upon, Ana tossing in the bed next to you. She turned to you, and you felt her gaze even within the darkness.
"I'm not stupid you know. Something happened with you and Lord Hansol because you like each other. It may not be my business to know the full extent, but if you're holding back because of me… I urge you to let go, sister."
"Ana it is too late to be divulging in this-"
"I don't care," she spoke your name with intensity. "You've held back from him all season long. I like Lord Chan and haven't even thought of Lord Hansol in weeks."
You watched her from your peripheral, her hands clasped over her stomach as she stared at the ceiling.
"You've done your duty as a big sibling. Now go chase your dreams. Your Viscount is waiting!" She poked your side, earning a yelp from you as she laughed, body trembling from laughter in the darkness.
"You promise you're not mad at me? I don't even know if I truly like him or not Ana…" You felt her eyes on you, taking in your outline in the faint glow of the moonlight.
"Why would I be mad at my sister for pursuing her happiness? You've given me everything I could ask for in life, it's your time now to fight for yourself."
You swallowed hard, your throat closing up as you fought the tears out of your eyes. Taking up the mother role in your household at a young age had warped your ideal of happiness. Your every decision was for your siblings, never considering yourself first. You felt a sense of relief wash over you knowing your younger sibling basically gave her blessing.
"I love you, Ana."
"I love you too." You felt the bed shift and heard the bed sheets rustle before feeling her arms around you. You squeezed her back, finding comfort within her arms. The two of you stayed like that for a long time before her breathing evened out, signaling she had fallen asleep holding you. Your eyes eventually grew heavy, finally falling sleeping within your sisters arms.
"Earth to Y/N? Care to join us back here?" You snapped out of your daze, turning to Ana in the carriage as she smirked lopsidedly at you.
"Care to share what was on your mind?" She teased, eager to see you grow flushed.
"No, I'm alright." You stared at your bright red silk dress pooling at your feet, Ana's pale purple dress flowing into yours.
"My girls… you look stunning today." Mrs. Hong commented, a gentle smile on her face.
Her gaze met your own, her eyes holding yours like a way of reminding you to stay confident.
The Choi's countryside residence was only about an hour from your house, the journey short compared to the one you had made from Ellerium a few months prior. Their home was beautiful, acres of lush greenery filling your vision as a string of lights lighted the path towards the entrance.
"You better find Lord Hansol and don't run away this time." Ana whispered to you, extending her pinkie out.
"No promises…" You looped your pinkie around hers, wiggling to seal the deal.
As everyone filed out of the carriage, you couldn't help but worry. You were a ticking time bomb, your emotions heightened like never before. The simple sight of Hansol could set you off right now. How were you to have a responsible conversation with him right now?
The inside of the Choi's country home was beautiful, marble floors and high ceilings throughout the whole foyer. The strum of the symphony helped keep you grounded, softly humming to the count.
"We're going to search for refreshments. Care to join us dear?" Mrs. Hong glanced at you, her eyebrow going up in question. You nodded, arm linked within Ana's as you trailed behind the family.
You kept your arm looped within Ana's for the majority of the night, sticking close by her side. You were undoubtedly pissing her off, knowing you were avoiding Hansol at all costs still. Upon sight of Chan, she squealed in excitement, unhooking your arm from hers.
"Stop being a wuss. I'm going to Lord Chan now." She pinched your arm hard before spinning on her heels, the brown haired man greeting her with a wide grin.
You huffed, spinning around to go and find Joshua to conspire with. You didn't want to be out on the floor alone, searching for your friend when you caught sight of the very man you were avoiding.
Hansol wasn't looking in your direction, as he was engaged in deep conversation with a woman with dyed ginger hair. He looked handsome, his dark brown hair parted in the middle and styled. He sported a navy outer coat, similar to the ball prior.
You tried not to stare, but you were enticed by him, knowing you would have to speak to the Lord eventually. You were making your way towards him when you caught him throwing his head back in laughter, a hand resting on the girl's shoulder.
You stopped in your tracks, the brief moment of clarity you had dissipated as you only felt anger and disappointment with yourself now. Hansol's eyes lifted up, catching yours glaring at him a few feet away. His smile was slowly wiped off his face as you had a staring match. You turned sharply, storming away as you heard your name called out behind you.
You didn't know why you were so mad, you had no right to be. Maybe because you were taking a leap to swallow your pride, just to see him getting cozy with another woman.
"Wait! God you walk fast…" You heard Hansol catch up to you, a hand falling onto your shoulder.
You whipped around furiously, tossing his hand off of you.
"How dare you touch me, Lord Hansol? In front of all of these watchful eyes? I am not your betrothed." You hissed, Hansol jumping back from the venom in your voice.
"I'm confused, what has gotten into you?" He whispered your name, his voice calm despite your malice towards him.
"You're absolutely unbelievable." You scoffed, shaking off his hand that reached out for you once more. You didn't care that the members of The Ton around the two of you had to be staring, you felt embarrassed and had to disappear.
You found yourself drawn towards the garden once again, the big glass doors already wide open as you ran out into the greenery. You heard your name called, Hansol following behind you. He casually strolled up to you, slightly out of breath from the light jog before.
"Come back inside, let's talk out of the rain."
You were so overwhelmed you hadn't even noticed the light drizzle pattering against your skin.
"No, no, because I'm livid!" You threw your hands up, frustration taking over now that you were face to face and alone. "I hate you, Choi Hansol!"
He wore a look of surprise, his lips parting as he couldn't understand why you were going off on him suddenly.
"What have I done-"
"I hate you for making me feel this way! Why did you come into my life and have to change things?" You felt the tears prickling in your eyes, the lump in your throat making it hard to speak.
Hansol stared, his expression conflicted as he remained silent, waiting for you to finish.
"I- I just… I don't know how you could pick me, over Ana. I should've stayed in Ellerium, I should've never came here." You shook your head, your tears finally falling.
"I can't believe I let myself get caught up in you, how could I be so stupid to allow myself to yearn for your… your love." Your voice trailed off, shaking as you laid your emotions down on the line. Hansol's hair was becoming damp, droplets falling into his eyes yet he couldn't care less.
"You're not stu-"
"Yet you had to make me feel embarrassed in there. All over another woman like that? I should have known this would be how it turns out."
"You cannot be talking about Seulgi-"
"I don't give a damn who she is! She isn't me!" Your eyes widened. Hansol's eyebrow shot up as he snorted at you.
"Can I speak now?" He questioned, watching you carefully like you would continue to chew him out with a single breath. You nodded slowly, the rain making your hair feel heavy, your perfect curls falling into a mess along your shoulders.
"You're scared, that's what feelings can do to you. To any of us really. You have no idea how much courage it took me that night in the garden to try and kiss you." You averted your gaze, remembering how his breath fanned along your cheek. "It hurt a lot, yet I cannot blame you a single bit. I shouldn't have came onto you suddenly, knowing how you felt about your independence."
He pushed his damp hair back, praying you didn't notice the way his hand shook from anxiety.
"No matter how many times you can yell at me, scream, and curse me out, I would still choose you. Again and again in every lifetime. You can try and push me off onto your sister, but it would never work." You were trembling, unsure if it was the rain causing your shaking, or the pound of your heartbeat.
"But… Ana is more of a debutante, an exceptional woman-"
"Yet it was never her. It would never be her. It was always you from the start." He proclaimed softly, his voice never wavering with you.
You were shocked, taking a step back as he stepped an inch closer, rain blurring your vision. Or was it the tears swimming in your eyes?
"Marriage has never been on the table for me. I have traveled all along the globe and yet that desire I desperately searched for… I have only found once meeting you. You are the bane of my existence, and the object of all my desires." Hansol's gaze was steady, his eyes glimmering back at your own tear filled eyes.
You cried out, a combination of a laugh and huff, reaching for his hands to slide into your own. You were both drenched at this point, the rain coming down harder now, yet neither of you cared.
"Hansol… I'm so scared. I'm scared because I can see a future with you that I've never imagined before. If you are patient with me… I think I would love to be yours." You took every ounce of strength to get out your confession, watching the slow spread of a smile forming on his lips.
"You do not have to accept my love immediately, or embrace it, or even allow it. Knowing you, you probably will not. But you must know, I will wait for the day you are ready, with open arms." His hands drew circles into your own, his grip squeezing you gently.
His proclamation moved you, tears silently falling from your eyes once more. Hansol brought a thumb up, brushing away the stray tears. You sniffled, feeling sheepish for still wondering about the ginger haired woman from earlier.
"So.. who was that girl in there?"
"Seulgi?" Hansol laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "A childhood friend of mine. She's been married with two kids for six years now."
Your lips formed into a pout, feeling silly for jumping to conclusions so quickly. Perhaps you already were whipped for him.
"Now I feel ashamed… I'm so sorry." He grinned lopsidedly at your sheepishness.
"Don't apologize. I told you there's nothing to worry about. My heart fully belongs to you." He took your hand, guiding it to his heart to feel the quick thumping there. He was anxious, his heartbeat showing how intense the situation was for him as well.
"Is it alright if I kiss you now? Or will you run away from me again?" You smiled up at him, rolling your eyes as you pulled him closer.
"I think I'm done running for now."
"Good, otherwise I'd have to get you a bell miss." You laughed at him, watching his eyes crinkle as his grin grew even wider.
With his finger coming under your chin to tilt you up towards him, he leaned down, gently pressing his slightly chapped lips against yours. Your mouths moved slowly together as you melted into his arms. The patter of rain continued to pour down on the two of you, a background thought as his hands gripped your waist tightly.
Anyone in The Ton could walk out into the garden right now and find the two of you tangled up in one another. Despite all of that, you had no care about who saw you.
Hansol pulled back, your eyes slowly opening to catch his wide, glowing eyes peering down at you.
"Was that okay with you?" He asked cautiously, searching your face for any discomfort.
"Your lips are better than I ever imagined." You mumbled, your eyes falling onto the pink flesh once more.
"You've thought about this before?"
"You're telling me you haven't, My Lord?" You teased, playing with the hairs that curled at his nape.
"Oh I've imagined more than just that…" Hansol had a new surge of confidence now that you had accepted his hand.
"Oh? Do tell?"
"If you'd allow it… perhaps I could show you instead." His gaze was heavy, a burning desire behind his otherwise calm expression.
Your stomach jumped, this time in excitement rather than anxiety.
"I would be honored, Hansol."
The adrenaline rush that flowed through you as Hansol lead you back in through a private entrance had you buzzing. The two of you were soaking wet, sneaking into the home through the entrance used most frequently by maids, to avoid any unwarranted attention from the event carrying on inside.
"We're not too far off from my suite." He spoke in a hushed tone, his hand gripping yours tightly.
As you rounded the corner leading to the stairs, a young maid appeared, jumping with a quiet yelp. You jumped in response, not expecting to get caught so easily.
"Lord Hansol?" Her eyes traveled between Hansol and yourself, most likely wondering why you were drenched and using the maid entrance.
"Marge, keep quiet on this one yeah? If my mother asks, I stepped out for a while." He placed a single finger over his lips, a plead for the maid to remain quiet. A faint smile formed across her face, nodding in agreement as she bowed quickly and hurried past.
The two of you shared a look, both of your lips twitching to fight the laughter off. Hansol continued on, stumbling up the stairs as the strums of the symphony in the ballroom rang through the staircase. Eventually, he turned down a long hallway, stopping at a wooden door. He pulled out a key, unlocking the door and quickly dragging you in behind him.
You watched as he lit the oil lamp, the room coming to life as you took in the area around you. You spotted a guitar and fiddle in the corner, a stand with sheet music next to it. A large wooden desk took up the middle of the room with a small couch nearby. His bed took up a majority of the room, the high frame catching your attention. There were drawings and postcards all along his walls, creating a very unique flare to his room that fitted Hansol.
"Like what you've done with the place." He laughed, shoulders coming up in a nonchalant shrug.
"Could use some improvement." The click of the lock caught your attention, Hansol leaning against the door casually. His arms were crossed over his chest, taking in your form from afar. His silent authority had an effect on you, Hansol not saying a word yet you knew what he wanted.
"You should change out of your dress. Can't have you catching a cold now."
"You should come untie me then." You spun around, pulling your damp hair over one shoulder as you heard the rustle of his trousers approaching. In seconds, a soft hand pressed along your shoulder blade, another toying with the ribbon down the back of your dress. Painfully slow, Hansol unraveled the back, your straps slipping over your shoulders. His breath hit against your neck, causing goosebumps to form with a shiver. He played with the strap, tugging it further down as your breath quickened.
"Step out of it." His voice was soft, yet you felt the command behind it.
You slid the red satin down, Hansol's hands lightly trailing along your body as you stepped out of it. His hands moved to quickly untie your corset, feeling the shell drop around your feet. His hand was steadying as you were nearly bare for him. You slowly spun around— the sharp inhale of air at the sight of you, unmissable.
"Your turn." You tugged on his white button up, the navy overcoat long gone the moment he stepped in the room. With a faint smirk, he held eye contact as his fingers flew down the buttons, his chest slowly revealing itself. He tweaked with the buttons along his trousers, pulling them down painstakingly slow. You bit your lip in anticipation, Hansol fighting the smug look off from how eager you had grown.
You both stood in front of each other, stripped down to just underwear. Your eyes shifted frantically, wondering who would make the first move.
Hansol took a step closer, his hand grazing against your hip. "Don't get shy on me now." Your name coming from him sounded sultry, a fire igniting in your lower belly.
You slid your hands up his chest, wrapping your arms around his neck loosely.
"Kiss me again, Hansol."
He was weak when it came to you, wasting no time to capture your lips against his own. The kiss was rough this time, the weeks of unresolved tension coming to a head. His grip around your hips tightened, backing you up towards the edge of his bed.
The backs of your thighs hit the edge, causing you to topple back onto the bed. You remained connected, Hansol devouring your lips. You readjusted towards the middle of the bed, Hansol resting his hips against your own now. You felt him, thick and heavy, straining against his undergarment. You pulled him impossibly closer, the smack of your lips driving you insane. Hansol grinded his hips into yours, his length rubbing against your clit dangerously.
You gasped into his lips, moaning against him as you were desperate to keep his lips on your own. One of his hands trailed down your body, feather light touches along your burning skin. Finding your sensitive nipple, Hansol gave a tug, causing your hips to buck up into his own in pleasure.
He broke away from your lips, your moans spilling free as he worked on both of your breasts, neither one safe from the attack of his lips and mouth. His clothed length continued to dig against you, a wet patch forming in your underwear from the delicious drag.
"Hansol… it's too much." You groaned, a finger sliding through the mess of locks as he sucked and bit your sensitive buds.
"Tell me," He pulled off of you with a wet pop. "Have you ever touched yourself?"
You nodded, your eyes hooded as you stared down at Hansol who worked his way down your body. He kissed along your stomach, stopping short of your thighs as he gripped along your underwear.
"Yes."
His gaze darkened, slowly dragging your panties down with his jaw going slack. The sight had you squirming, eager to feel him between your aching thighs.
"I touched myself to the thought of you before, Hansol. I imagined it was you splitting me open instead." You admitted breathlessly, watching as he halted all actions.
As if his brain was frying in real time, he swore he could cum his pants from the imagery alone. He closed his eyes with a groan, imagining how you looked fingering yourself as his name spilled from your lips.
"Let me bring your fantasies to life then."
With little warning, you felt a long finger swirl around your entrance before pushing in. Gathering some of the slick there, he brought the finger back up to your clit, swirling his finger as you wailed from the sensation.
"Please try to keep it down. I don't need my family knowing I'm defiling you like this."
"You're such an ass-"
You jolted from the intruding feeling of two long fingers pushing into your cunt, your slick making it easy for Hansol to slide them in. You gripped him impossibly tight, fisting the sheets near your head as you rocked your hips. He worked you open, scissoring his fingers inside to stretch yourself for him.
"Have you had anyone taste you before?"
You felt your cheeks heat up as you nodded, thinking of the shop owner you had a crush on, back at Ellerium that you had given your first kiss to. He had ate you out along the counter of his shop after hours, but not going farther to 'save yourself for your future suitor.'
He hummed, leaning down to kiss along your plump thighs. His kisses trailed up, stopping just short of your cunt. His breath was sending chills up your spine as he glanced up at you momentarily.
"Bet I'm better than him."
His face was buried in your pussy instantly, a scream escaping you as his tongue moved brutally. He sucked loudly on your clit, fingers pumping into your dripping pussy with a gush.
You were trembling, gripping his hair tightly as he hummed into your cunt, devouring you like you were his final meal.
Your hips were chasing after him uncontrollably, his tongue alternating between fucking in and out of your hole and sucking on your clit. His nose bumped against your clit, sending shockwaves through you. His hand was resting along your thigh, keeping you spread wide for him.
You weren't going to last much longer, the buildup of your orgasm approaching quicker than you expected.
The vibrations of Hansol's groans against your cunt enhanced the feeling, your legs shaking as you moaned desperately.
"Hansol, I feel different.." You huffed out, the growing heat of your orgasm feeling more intense than you've remembered before.
"That's it, let go for me."
The view of him glaring up from between your thighs was sinful, his mouth playing you like a fine-tuned instrument. Hansol was in his element, enjoying every quiver and whimper you gave him.
One final pump of his fingers, and a rough swirl of his tongue along your clit had your orgasm rocking your body, stars shooting within your vision.
Hansol took everything you gave him, drinking up every drop of you as you yanked on his hair, grinding your cunt deeper into his face. He sighed blissfully, eventually pulling his face away with kisses all along your inner thigh as you came down for your high.
"Would you like me to give a rating?" You teased, sitting up on your elbows. Watching carefully, Hansol wiped his face, licking his fingers clean like it was nothing.
"Save it for after perhaps?" He chuckled, stepping back to slip out of his underwear, his thick length slapping up against his stomach.
Your jaw dropped at the sight of him, long and heavy, his tip red and leaking from neglect. He gave a few light strokes, holding your gaze as your wide eyes watched him eagerly.
"Hansol, let me taste you." You crawled down the bed towards him on your hands and knees, reaching for the thick length.
"No, not this time. This is about you." You glanced up at him through your lashes, a smug look forming on your face.
"This time? You plan on defiling me once again, Hansol?" He made a face at you, causing you to bust into laughter.
"I'm going to be ravishing you for the rest of our lives, viscountess." His tone was teasing, though you knew he was serious. Your stomach flipped at his implication, the conversation in the garden flooding your mind.
"Well then, don't leave me waiting, viscount." Your grin matched his own, his lips colliding with yours as he wore the smile on his lips still.
Not once breaking the kiss, he pushed you back down, crawling on top of you once more. His cock was poking against your inner thigh, an airy sigh leaving your lips from the feel.
"Is this the first time-"
"Yes… I've…I've never…" You trailed off, your cheeks growing flush.
"There's nothing to be ashamed or shy about. I want to know so I can take care of you, properly." His gaze was soft and reassuring, his hand trailing along your body slowly.
"Relax, I'm going to be careful." One of his hands slotted between your thighs, guiding two fingers past your glistening folds. You purred into his ear, allowing him to pry you open once more.
"You're doing so good for me." You hummed in response, feeling his digits slide out of you. He shifted above you, bringing your legs around his waist. The head of his cock brushed against your hole as he lined himself up, stopping just short of pushing in.
"If you're uncomfortable at any moment, do not hesitate to stop me." You nodded, your heart thumping in your chest.
"Use your words."
"Yes, I will, Hansol." You managed to get out breathlessly and the corner of his lip twitched.
"Good girl."
Hansol slowly pushed his cock in, the tip alone causing you to throw your head back with a loud wail.
Your walls clenched around him tightly, Hansol taking shaky breaths as he eased in inch by inch. He stopped about halfway to allow you to adjust, your hands gripping the sheets so hard your knuckles turned white.
"So perfect, you're doing wonderful." His words were igniting low in your belly, clenching around him on impulse. It took every ounce of strength to keep Hansol from fully ramming his cock in after you squeezed around him.
"Keep going, I'm okay." Your voice wobbled as he glided the last bit of his cock into you, bottoming out with a groan. You stayed like that for a moment, before the throb of his cock started becoming unbearable.
"Hansol, please move."
He pulled out nearly to the tip, before snapping his hips slowly back into yours. The sound that left you was guttural, Hansol groaning in time with you.
He kept his pace slow, admiring the way you shook under him, your eyes struggling to stay open with every thrust. The sight was lighting a fire in him, determined to keep your pleasure in the forefront for tonight.
You forced your eyes open, catching the way his lips were parted, the chocolate brown locks dangling over his lust-filled eyes.
The clap of your skin connecting filled the room, Hansol's lips on your neck driving you crazy. You clamped down on him, earning a deep groan in response. You needed him to pick up the pace— and desperately. You were fully adjusted to him, and eager to get wrecked.
"Hansol hon, can you speed it up a bit?"
His lips detached from your neck, tossing you a glance as he gave a strong roll of his hips. His cock dug into you, making a shaky moan leave your mouth instantly.
"Are you sure?"
"I am begging you to ruin me."
Hansol was a simple man. His lady asks for something, and she shall receive.
As if a switch flipped in him, he brought your leg higher up, a shaky breath escaping your lips in preparation. He drew his hips back, ramming into you deeply, the change in angles making his cock drag along your walls sinfully.
You were gushing around him, your wetness dripping where your bodies connected. Hansol watched carefully as his cock slid in and out of you, the clap of your thighs against his own driving him insane.
You were squeezing him so impossibly hard, Hansol knew he wouldn't be lasting much longer. He focused on your clit, gathering your slick from your hole and drawing circles along the bud.
"Oh my god!" You had never felt pleasure build up like this before, gripping the back of Hansol's neck as he worked for your second orgasm.
You felt the familiar build of your climax, mumbling nonsense as Hansol's cock split you open, his moans reverberating in your ear. His pace had picked up, rough drags of his veiny cock filling your warmth, your own moans pushing him closer to the edge.
"Hansol, I think I'm close.. so close.." Your eyes screwed shut as you felt the coil inside you snap, Hansol's name flying off your tongue as you spasmmed on his cock, shaking hard while you gushed down his length.
"Perfect, so perfect, god you're perfect." He buried his face in your neck, his hands moving to roughly grip your waist, chasing his high with a heavy slap of his balls against your puffy and overstimulated clit.
You could barely breathe, the waves of your climax still jolting you. In attempt to help Hansol out, you squeezed down on him, a guttural moan ripping from his mouth as he gave a final few shaky strokes. Quickly pulling out to cum along your stomach with his head thrown back, he moaned your name lowly.
Hansol leaned toward, dropping his weight next to you, shaky breaths filling the room. You were spent, your pussy aching from the stretch moments prior.
"Ready for your rating now?" You teased. Hansol huffed a mix of a strangled laugh and groan, lifting his head to meet your eyes.
"I'd rather not hear it at all." He deadpanned, yet the gleam in his eye told you he was messing with you as well.
"I wasn't too rough was I? I wanted to stay slow for your first time but-"
"But I am a heathen and wanted you to pick up the pace. Don't worry, you were amazing." You pinched his cheek, catching the light flush on his face before he ducked away, his ears still showing the pinkness.
"Was it not your first as well?" You tilted your head, Hansol shaking his in response.
"You thought I could devour you like that with no experience?" His eyebrow shot up as you opened your mouth to speak, closing it quickly as the words couldn't come to you.
"Well I know what you were doing on your European tour then…" He rolled his eyes, sliding off the bed to enter the attached bathroom, returning with a damp rag. He worked the rag over your body, soothing any spots he may have overdone earlier.
"To answer you, there has only been one other." You averted your gaze, feeling better knowing Hansol was nearly as inexperienced as yourself. "Anything else, Seungcheol has taught me."
You snorted, not expecting him to say that. The grin on his face gave away that he was teasing, earning a smack on his arm from you.
"You're insufferable, Choi Hansol."
"You'll learn to deal with it, my Lady." He planted a light kiss against your temple. Picking up his white button, up he helped you slip it on, only bothering with 2 of the buttons before you swatted him away, turning into the pillow. You heard him rustle with something, his trousers back on as he slid into the bed beside you.
"My sister is probably worried about where I am…" You suddenly felt a sense of consciousness, remembering the ball that was occurring a few floors down.
"No worries, Joshua knows." You cracked an eye open, watching the goofy expression spread on Hansol's face.
"How in the world does Joshua know?"
"You were too concerned yelling at me to notice Joshua watching us from the window." You move to throw a pillow at him, Hansol hiding his face with a cackle. "I caught him before we took the back entrance, we made eye contact briefly. He knows."
"Wonderful… Now Ana will be screaming about babies when I go back…"
"Speaking of babies… Should we make one right now?"
"Don't make me smother you with this pillow, Choi."
When you returned to the Hong residence the next day, hand in hand with Hansol, the drawing room exploded with commentary.
Ana shouted a quick witted "I knew it!" as Joshua slowly clapped, shaking his head with a congratulations.
"See this was the cousin I was talking about!" Chan added, laughing as you rolled your eyes at him in faux annoyance.
"About damn time, anyone with eyes could have seen you two from the start. The first dinner together I knew you would end up like this!" Mrs. Hong commented, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
Ana squealed, throwing her arms around both you and Hansol. "I'm so happy for you, sister. You have no idea how much you deserve this." She pulled back with glowing eyes as you held her gently, your soft smile mirroring her own.
"Thank you, Ana. Couldn't have happened without you."
"Uh.. Yeah, I know!" She tossed her hair over her shoulder dramatically.
"Actually we have some news to share, now that you're here." Your eyebrow quirked up as Chan and Ana glanced at each other.
"We're engaged!" She whipped her hand out, the expensive diamond glistening unmistakably.
Your whole face dropped, Hansol's mouth flying open as he shared a look with you, knowing you were seething.
"You got engaged. Without my blessing beforehand?" Your eye twitched, the smile on Chan's face falling.
"Well, you know. Ana was telling me how much you approved of me and that you wanted her wed by the end of the season. So uh, surprise?"
Hansol didn't know if he would have to hold you back from scratching his cousin's eyeballs out, so he rested a grounding hand on your back.
Chan wasn't wrong at all, but you felt offended knowing he didn't ask you first. It had come up briefly between the two of you recently, but you had no idea he would've taken the initiative to go ahead and propose.
"Lee Chan, you are very lucky I like you and said you'd be a good match for Ana." Your anger subsided as you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around Chan. He went stiff, before returning the hug with a sigh of relief.
"I wish I knew before but, I understand. I'm just happy you two are betrothed." You stepped back with a calm smile on both of your faces, Chan nodding in agreement.
"So… am I now your brother in law or your cousin in law? Hansol did you pop the question yet?" Chan grinned widely, watching the way his cousin's eyes widened half a fraction; the typical blank face Hansol wore shifting to one of confusion.
"Uhh, not quite…"
"Well.. what are you waiting for Hansollie? Two weddings are better than one!" Chan gave a hearty laugh. You turned around, meeting Hansol's slightly panicked eyes.
"Oh my, father is going to flip when he finds out both of his daughters came back with a husband."
"Hansol isn't my husband-"
"Yet!" Everyone in the room called out, your face growing hot. Hansol scratched the back of his neck, a lopsided grin on his face.
As you met his gaze once again, you both casually lifted your shoulders, grinning at one another. You had found your perfect match, and after all the years of turmoil, there couldn't have been anyone better for you than Hansol.
The grin on your face was so wide your cheeks hurt. No matter how hard you tried, you and your sister were inseparable. To know you would be next door neighbors, even after marriage was joyous. Ana was bouncing off the walls, already rambling about how you needed to make haste and go dress shopping by midday.
Hansol came over to you and wrapped an arm around your waist, his bright gaze turned down towards you.
"I think 'Lady Choi' sounds perfect going before your name doesn't it?"
"Perhaps you are right, Lord Choi." You grew overwhelmed with your emotions, burying you face into his chest. Ana squealed in the background how cute two of you were, as the vibrations from Hansol's laugh echoed against your cheeks. His embrace was warm and secure, giving you a new meaning of home you didn't think you'd ever find.
The ladies of Ellerium would be leaving, but your heart was full, knowing that a piece of home would always remain with you.
ALEEEEEE MY LOVE!?!?? I love your sense of humor, a literal feast to devour right the first thing in morning this was!?!??? Vernon being slick had me screaming and giggling the whole time omg I love the concept of him being down bad smitten and yearning<3 the reader is so so shy it's so cute I love their mushy lovestruck self so much 😞
WHEN IDOL KWON SOONYOUNG finds himself at rock bottom after getting slammed for multiple crimes he didn't commit and a scandal that sets his career aflame, becoming your rookie was the last place anyone expected him to be. Under your own fire of having so many rookies wash out under your watch, you have no choice but to decide if he's worth the risk or if its your personal mission to get him to quit.
PAIRING: rookie!soonyoung x training officer!fem!reader
GENRE: Enemies to Lovers (Slightly One Sided), Slow Burn, Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Grumpy x Sunshine, Opposites Attract, Forced Proximity, Mutual Pining (Eventually), Workplace Romance (Co-Workers)
AU: Rookie AU
TOTAL PT 1 WC: 44.5k
PART ONE WARNINGS: mentions of blood and gore, mentions of violence including (but not limited to) fighting and punches, mentions of murders, topics on kidnapping, mentions of weapons such as snipers, pistols and shotguns, mentions of death of side characters, mentions of dead bodies, mentions of anxiety, breakdowns, insecurities and ptsd, mentions of drug use/ being drugged, misogynistic comments (from oc side characters - criminals and sometimes from internal affairs), a lot of mean comments (from reader to soonyoung), a lot of swearing
PLAYLIST: when shit hits the fan - a playlist for soonyoung
LIV'S NOTES...
note one: hello! this is part one of my fic for the blockbuster collab hosted by @belovedgyu, @jakedustry and @nerdycheol! this is the longest fic that i've written so far! but i am pleased to bring you guys rookie soonyoung! thank you to everyone for the amazing support on the teaser! means the world to me <3 so i really hope that you all enjoy this monster that was written for the better part of two months hehe! <3
note two: ofc! as per usual, we need our block of thanks! firstly a big thank you to luna, izzy and rae for creating this collab where i got to meet so many amazing writers and make friends that will last lifetimes <3 you three are amazing and you help us out a lot more than you think you do so thank you <3 thank you to my army of beta-readers @jakedustry @luvrung @cherrymayz @gentleisa for being the first to read about rookie soonyoung and provide feedback for my many grammar mistakes as i was pulling 2-3 hour sprints with some of you hehe <3. thank you to may, ale, ami, @mellowgyu, @chogiwaw, @hopecutie for being the best sprint buddies and for seeing me crash out over rookie soonyoung and nova. thank you to @paradiseonthemoon for the nickname Nova. and ofc my other lovely writers in the collab who have supported since day one and make me laugh, @caratchronicles, @choco-scoups @pomegranate-teardrop @cxffecoupx @onionhassayyo
you all mean the world to me and i'm so excited that our works are being published for the world to see <3
note three: without further ado, now showing: 546 days! i hope you enjoy <3
PART TWO (Coming Soon)
Check out the other amazing shows! -> BLOCKBUSTER MASTERLIST
MAIN MASTERLIST | NAVI
Predictable. If you had to use one word to describe your mornings, that would be it. In a job full of the unpredictable, you took solace in your morning routines that never strayed far from the beaten road. It was so predictable that Mingyu, Minghao and Seokmin could even tell what you were doing from the get go, no matter what time it was before you step into work.
5am - Wake Up and Get Ready
5:30am - Morning Run
6:30am - Home and Shower
7am - Breakfast & Smoothie Prep
7:30am - Leave for the Station
8am - Reach the Station
8:30am - Roll Call
Which is why at exactly 7am, you exit your bedroom, fresh as a daisy to find Minghao already at the stove, preparing breakfast and humming to himself as the smell of bacon fill your nose.
"Morning." He greets, not sparing a glance at you as he continues to move around the kitchen, with the bacon still sizzling on the pan. You make your way around the kitchen island, giving his arm a quick squeeze in greeting.
"Morning, Hao." You glance curiously into the bowl, wondering what he was mixing. A small grin appears on your lips as you realize what the mixture is. "Pancakes? Are we feeding a whole school here, big brother?"
Minghao rolls his eyes, letting out a soft scoff as he pushes you away from the bowl. "I figured, since it's rookie day that we will need the extra little bit of energy to keep us from loosing our minds today." He raises an eyebrow. "But if you don't want to eat it, I guess I could just pack the rest for Seokmin and Mingyu.
Your eyes widen as you let out a flabbergasted gasp before whacking his shoulder, making him yelp a little in response. "You wouldn't! I'm your sister!"
"Step-sister." Minghao corrects a little pointedly, rubbing the spot where you hit him as you roll your eyes in response.
"to-May-to, to-Mah-to." You quip back, emphasizing on the different syllables. Minghao roll his eyes, biting back a smile as he shoos you away from the stove. You walk around him towards the fridge, pulling out ingredients for your morning smoothie.
"Besides," Minghao starts softly, clearing his throat as you glance over at him, "I thought we could also have these like when we were kids." He continues to stir the bowl, chewing his bottom lip. "Bacon pancakes were definitely the best way to start the school term."
Minghao and you have been half-siblings since you were 6 years old, your mother having met his father in the most cliche way possible by accidentally spilling coffee on him at the coffee shop down the road from your house. Your mother, being the people pleaser she was, immediately offered him one of your fathers old shirts from the closet as he laughed at her and told her that it was okay.
They then got to talking and bonded over their shared grievances before eventually giving this new relationship a shot. When their relationship started getting more serious, it was time for the 'Meet the Kids' Session, where your mother brought you to Minghao's house to meet him and his dad for the first time.
You remember being in that little pink dress your mother had forced you into, and staring at the boy who looked like he was contemplating slamming the door in your faces as soon as he saw the two of you behind it. Thankfully, he didn't and just stared at you even after his father ushered you and your mother into the house. You shuffled awkwardly under his gaze as he continued to quietly stare at you, almost as if he was analyzing you.
"Honey," your mother started, pushing you a little towards the boy, "This is Minghao."
His father repeated the same process, speaking your name softly as you stood right in front of the older boy.
His eyes flitted around your face before staring you dead in the eye and opened his mouth as you braced for whatever mean words he wanted to say.
"Would you like to see my seashell collection?"
You blink once. Twice. Three Times.
"Seashells?"
Minghao gave one firm nod before your eyes comically widened as you nodded your head excitedly. Just like that, his face lit up and he gave you a toothy grin before grabbing your hand and leading you to his room. Where he showed you his really cute and pretty seashell collection.
Fast forward to a marriage and 20 or so years later, here you were, sharing a four room apartment with your step-brother; who still had the same seashell collection in his room which was getting bigger with every trip you two had taken together.
You blink at the older man, warmth filling your chest as you smile a little, remembering the fond memories. "I love that." You answer softly, closing the fridge door. "Maybe that should be our new tradition for every rookie day now."
Minghao simply hums, a small grin on his face as you pull out a chopping board from the cupboard. "Want one?" You ask, sparing him a glance as you lay out all the ingredients in-front of you.
"Sure."
The two of you work your way around the kitchen, seamlessly moving out of each others way and getting everything done before both of you settle across from each other.Plates stacked with bacon and pancakes, as well as the smoothie that you made with whatever you could find in the fridge.
The two of you eat in silence, chatting momentarily here and there about anything and everything, a simple "Let's go grocery shopping this weekend", or "Should we go out with Gyu and Seok this weekend?"
Your morning ends with Minghao going to take a shower while you pour the leftover smoothies into to-go cups for him and yourself. Clearing the dishes, you smile to yourself as the soap bubbles coat your arms.
These are definitely what mornings are suppose to look like.
Predictable. Structured. Unsurprising.
After a morning like this, what could possibly go wrong?
The quiet moment before roll call is definitely the best part of your morning. It is further affirmed by the two tall troublemakers sitting on top of the break tables in the TO Break Room.
"You guys are aware that there are completely comfortable chairs just beside the table, right?" Minghao asks as soon as the two of you enter the room, deadpan etched in his tone as he gestures towards the four chairs on either side of the table. "You guys are even spoiled for choice when it comes to which seat you'll pick!"
The two whip their heads towards you and your step-brother before they roll their eyes at his words, almost in sync. Their reactions make you cover your mouth, biting back a smile as you try not to giggle.
"Just for that, I'm greeting Nova first." Mingyu, the taller of the two says as he stands up and walks towards you before pulling you into a giant bear hug making you groan as he squeezes you tight.
The action is definitely for show for Minghao making you tap hard on Mingyu's biceps, a way to tell him to get off nicely. "Can't. Breathe. Gyu." You manage to mutter out between taps. Mingyu, the ever-loving oaf, did not listen and instead, squeezes you tighter in response.
Before you could pass out, the other tall man saves you by yanking Mingyu off of you, pulling you into his embrace instead. "Nova." Seokmin chirps, giving you a squeeze as you smile up at the man.
"Hey, Sunshine." You chirp back, embracing his hug as he squeezes you just a little tighter at the mention of the nickname. Seokmin lets you go before pulling your older step-brother into a side hug, which he begrudgingly accepts as you take a seat on top of the break table, much to Minghaos' dismay as he grimaces when you shoot him a teasing look.
"Can't believe it's already our twenty-first Rookie Day!" Mingyu exclaims, taking his seat beside yours, on the top of the break table, the protein shake in his hand sloshing slightly.
You share a look with Minghao, who sits on the chair next to the table (just to prove a point, you're sure), before collectively rolling your eyes. "You're making it sound as if it's like getting the best present in the world."
Mingyu raises an eyebrow as he takes a gulp of his protein shake. "It is for you and Nova." He says pointedly, closing the shake with a 'click'. "The poor souls that get the two of you as their training officers better start praying for their lives."
Minghao lets out a scoff as you exasperatedly gasp. "Me?" You ask, feigning ignorance as you dramatically place your hand on your chest. Seokmin lets out a little giggle at your antics, taking a seat next to Minghao on the chair — a way to keep him company. "I'm an angel. The rookies should be glad that it's me training them instead of a tall lanky bozo like you."
Mingyu's jaw drops at your statement as Seokmin starts laughing harder, almost falling off the chair while Minghao smirks, his amusement shining through as he watches you and Mingyu bicker.
"Well! At least they don't call me Medusa behind my back!" He shoots back.
"Better than being called Brunette Ken, with all the muscles and no brains." You deadpan out, taking a sip of your smoothie as you shrug. "Besides, Medusa's a badass. She turns people to stone."
Mingyu scoffs at this, a pout making its way onto his face. "Your heart is made out of stone." He sourly mutters.
You roll your eyes, about to retort when you hear a knock on the door. The four of you turn towards it to see Seungcheol leaning against it, a grim expression on his face.
"Sergeant." Mingyu exclaims, his mood picking up instantly after seeing him. He mocks a salute which makes Seokmin giggle and Minghao shake his head with a slight grin on his lips. "May I say you're looking lovely this morning."
You let out a giggle before looking at Seungcheol.
Seungcheol, however, did not crack a grin. He sends a nod in Mingyu's direction before locking eyes with you. "Nova, my office in ten."
You blink in surprise, caught off-guard by the seriousness in his tone, before giving him a curt nod. "Yes, Sergeant." He turns without another word, making you look towards the three men who stare at you, as if deciding whether to start praying for you or to reassure you.
"Did you do something to piss him off?" Seokmin inquires, his eyebrows furrowing with worry.
You shake your head. "No… I don't think so." Running through the previous weeks events in your head, you visibly freeze.
Minghao, ever the observer, raises an eyebrow at the action. "What did you do?"
You chew on your bottom lip. "I might've eaten his leftover kimchi stew in the fridge the other day when he wasn't in the office."
The three guys visibly freeze at your confession, unsure of how to react. They share a look between each other before turning back to you.
"The one from the place down the street that he was raving about last week?" Minghao asks, his voice laced with seriousness. In any other situation, you probably would've cackled at how serious your brother looks but instead, you swallow your saliva and nod slowly.
It was almost comedic watching the three guys' expressions change before your very eyes into one of grievances (Mingyu), one of disappointment (Minghao), and one of exasperation (Seokmin).
"Well, we loved working with you." Mingyu says empathetically as he reaches over to pat you on your shoulder.
"I can't believe you would do that." Minghao deadpans, shaking his head. "You know better than to mess with his food after the Bulgogi incident." Minghao states before nudging a thumb in Mingyu's direction.
"Hey!" Mingyu whines out as a pout overtakes his features. "We said we weren't going to bring it up anymore."
"We do when someone messes with the sergeant's food instead of learning from your mistakes."
Mingyu was about to retort when Seokmin stands up, animatedly waving his arms in any direction available making the three of you jump slightly.
"Guys! C'mon!" He says exasperatingly, his arms never wavering. "We need to figure out a way to get her out of this!"
"She brought this upon herself." Minghao says, crossing his arms. "The amount of times I have to remind you guys not to eat his food is getting out of hand." He mutters, locking eyes with you making you shrink back, a little sheepishly.
"What's going on?"
The four of you turn towards the door to see Jun. The older man assesses the room with the precision of a sniper — which he is — with an eyebrow raised. "Are you guys bullying Nova again?"
Sergeant Wen Junhui, is one of the leaders of Vanguard, a Special Enforcement Unit which is usually in charge of all the high risk cases in the area. To you and the rest, however, he was just known as Jun, one of the first few friends the four of you made in the academy. He was also your guys' senior by one year. Other than having a noticeable soft spot for Minghao, he had a bigger noticeable one for you — always making sure that the guys were not bullying you as much while always having your back.
The guys used to make fun of you all the time, saying that Jun probably did that because he had a crush on you — much to Minghao's dismay as your older stepbrother. You used to shut it down as well, always telling them to shut up. However, you did secretly have a small crush on the older man. Not that you would ever admit it. However, all of those theories turned into history when Jun met his girlfriend a year ago.
"She ate Choi's leftover kimchi stew that was in the fridge the other day." Minghao deadpans, making Jun's eyes widen before locking them with yours.
"You didn't." He says in utter disbelief, making you smile sheepishly as Mingyu nods.
"Oh yes she did."
"Nova…" Jun sympathetically drawls out, making your cheeks heat up before you throw your hands up exasperatedly.
"I know okay! Can we please let this go?" You beg. "I don't want to think of all the bad outcomes before they even happen!"
"Maybe we could say that the janitor threw it out." Mingyu suggests, ignoring whatever you just said, making you glare at him.
Minghao shakes his head. "No, Hyunseok is smarter than that after making the mistake once." Minghao recalls, making Seokmin shudder as he recalls the memory as well.
"Maybe he didn't even notice." Jun suggests hopefully, hopping on top of the break room table next to Mingyu. Mingyu furrows his eyebrows before shaking his head almost disappointingly.
"I think the top marksman badge from the academy that hangs above his desk would disagree with you."
You feel the pit in your stomach get deeper with each word they say, making you groan as you run your hands down your face. "I beg of you, please, can we just stop talking about this." You muffle out from behind your hands.
The room goes silent at your words before you feel a hand on your shoulder. You peek out from behind them to look at Minghao, the owner of the hand, who tongues his cheek.
"You'll be fine, Pixie. Just go in that room and do what you always do." He clicks his tongue before gesturing towards the other three men in the room. "We kid and mess with you because we like you, I'm sure it's nothing serious."
Your cheeks flush a little at the endearing childhood nickname that Minghao uses every now and then when he's serious or trying to comfort you. The rest had tried to use it after hearing Minghao say it the first time when you were all in the academy together, but that was quickly shot down when you threatened major bodily harm in the worst ways imaginable.
You glance towards the three other men in question who give you reassuring smiles, making you let out a breath that you didn't know you were holding. You glance towards the clock before hopping off the table and dusting your uniform.
"Well, time to face the music." You mumble to yourself.
The four guys share a glance before Seokmin places a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "We'll see you at roll call." He says, giving you an infectious grin that almost makes you forget that you are walking towards potential death.
Almost.
You bid them goodbye before walking towards Seungcheol's office. You raise your fist, taking a deep breath to compose your nerves, before knocking three hard knocks on the door. A soft 'come in' comes from the other side of the door, making you push the door open to see Seungcheol leaning against his chair, his expression unreadable as you enter the room.
"You wanted to see me Sarge?" You ask, hoping your voice didn't waver. Seungcheol nods and gestures to the chair in front of his desk.
"Shut the door and take a seat."
You nod, obeying his words before shutting the door with a soft thud and sitting in the chair, Seungcheol watching your every move. He sits upright, analyzing you with a small frown on his face that makes your nerves spike as an awkward silence envelopes the two of you. He opens his mouth to start but you cut him off before he can even get a word out.
"I'm sorry! I'll buy you the stew later for lunch if you don't give me the Bulgogi scolding."
Seungcheol eyebrows immediately furrow at your words, considering them for a moment as you continue to babble on about how you're willing to add on all the extras that could be added, moving your hands around animatedly.
"What?" He asks, confusion written all over his face, making you stop mid-ramble. Your hands freeze in place as you turn to look at the man, your expression almost mirroring his.
"Wasn't that what you wanted to talk about Sarge?"
"I don't even know what you're spouting right now, Nova."
"Oh." You awkwardly mumble out, lowering your arms slowly to your side. Seungcheol squeezes the bridge of his nose as he lets out a sigh, shaking his head. "Then why did you call me here, Sarge?"
He clasps his hands together before leaning them against the table. "As you know, its rookie day, meaning that all the new rookies are coming in today." You nod slowly, urging him to continue. "Normally, I wouldn't make such a big deal of talking to you or the other TOs about the rookies, but upper management has been flagging records, specifically yours."
You freeze at that, watching as Seungcheol reaches beside him and grabs a piece of paper, turning it around and placing it between the two of you. You lean closer, eyes scanning the paper, noticing a table with numbers and names.
Training Officer - Lee Seokmin:
Total Rookies - 20
Total Wash Outs - 3
Total Passes - 17
Training Officer - Kim Mingyu:
Total Rookies - 20
Total Wash Outs - 1
Total Passes - 19
Training Officer - Xu Minghao:
Total Rookies - 20
Total Wash Outs - 8
Total Passes - 12
You briefly screen past the rest of the names and numbers before your eyes land on yours, which was right under Minghao's.
Total Rookies - 20
Total Wash Outs - 11
Total Passes - 9
There was nothing unusual about these numbers. There was a reason why you were known as Nova to the rest of the district since your rookie days. However, what caught your attention was the words written underneath your numbers in the report that the rest did not get.
"Evaluation of Nova: Fierce by nature but tends to leave her rookies to fend for themselves in many reported situations. Needs to get at least double digits this year. If not, removal from TO program as seen fit."
Your head shoots up to look at Seungcheol as soon as the words register in your mind. "Removal from TO program? Sarge, you can't be serious."
Seungcheol let out a sigh, grimacing slightly. "Internal Affairs is indeed taking this as a serious issue, Nova. They flagged that your teaching methods have been deemed unfit for taking in the newer rookies. They would like to at least see double digit numbers out of you this year if not," he points at the statement, "removal from TO program, effective immediately."
"Sir, with all due respect, this is bullshit." You manage to spit out. "My rookies turned officers rate may be low but the officers developed under my watch are the ones who are the best of the district. Even IA has got to know that."
Seungcheol sighs again and clasps his hands together, gripping them together tightly. "Look Nova," he starts, "of course I know that this is Internal Affairs way of bullshitting that you can't be here in this program. Your track record for rookies is definitely one of our best."
He pauses to gesture towards the statement again. "However, IA has flagged the number of wash outs that happen on your watch. Regardless of whether it is by luck that I always assign you the worst rookies, or that they do something stupid during the job or wash out during Plain Clothes Day… it doesn't matter." He leans against his chair, looking absolutely drained. "I had to fight with IA about this because they almost flagged your brother for the same exact reason."
You chuckle with no humour, a little hurt by his words. "So you save him instead of me?"
His gaze hardens at your words. "You know it wasn't like that, Nova. Don't be like that, please." He says lowly, his tone cracking slightly, making guilt pit at your stomach. You knew it wasn't but you couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.
You had met Seungcheol in an Undercover Class during your first year as an official officer and he quickly became an elder brother figure to both you and Minghao, always forcing you two to reconcile whenever you both had petty fights. He rose up the ranks faster than anyone you had known of due to his amazing leadership skills as well as his prior army experience that he had kept to himself a lot. When he had first made Sergeant at this district, you and Minghao immediately put in your transfer papers to transfer to his.
He sighs, reaching over to grasp one of your hands in his, a gesture you were familiar with, a way of showing of showing comfort from the older man.
"The two of you were almost kicked out of the program without any consultation." He says before rubbing a thumb over your hand comfortingly. "I was only called as a common courtesy because the guy in charge of the case owes me a favour from the army days. I fought tooth and nail for you and I was only able to save Hao because his passing numbers are in the double digits. Which is why they're offering you the same courtesy."
You feel empty at Seungcheol's words and the thought that you and your brother almost suffered the same fate.
You and Minghao were known as the 'Deadly Weapons' during your years at the academy. Your records together broke everyone else's the minute you guys were rookies, making training officers in record time. You, more so than Minghao, had a track record for putting your rookies under immense pressure, tossing them into the deep end and letting them try to swim and fend for themselves more often than not.
Hence, the nickname, Nova— more so than Medusa— followed you through all those years.
You believed in teachable moments but at the end of the day, you were still only twenty-seven. A year younger than Minghao, Mingyu and Seokmin, and you had definitely committed your fair share of mistakes during your few years as a training officer. You were harsh on some, didn't train some of them enough before plain clothes day and there were just some circumstances that couldn't be avoided while out on the field.
Seungcheol taps a finger on your hand, making you snap out of your thoughts. You look at him, his eyes filled with sympathy that makes you swallow your emotions and sit up straighter.
"Alright." You manage to say. "If double digits is what they want, the next rookie is going to be the best one I've trained." If you didn't know Seungcheol for long, you might have breezed past the way he visibly freezes at your words, or the way he hummed— a habit he did when he was hiding something.
You raise an eyebrow at that. "Sarge." You say, suspiciously eyeing the man. "What are you hiding?"
Seungcheol can't meet your eyes so you pull your hand away from his. "Seungcheol." You say, your tone more serious, making the man glance upwards.
"That was the next thing we need to talk about."
Your heart sinks again. "That doesn't sound good." You air out, sitting more upright than you already were.
"Your new rookie is, Kwon Soonyoung."
You blink at him before letting out a small laugh. "Wow, poor guy. If I had the same name as that god-forsaken idol of a murderer, I would definitely change my name straight away. Especially if I was training to become a police officer."
Seungcheol lets out a cough of a laugh before locking eyes with you. "Yeah," he says, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair. "But he is the Kwon Soonyoung, and he was found not guilty."
You stare at Seungcheol for any signs of humour before feeling your heart in your throat. "Sarge, please tell me you're fucking with me."
Seungcheol looks at you, his eyebrows raising. "Does it look like I'm joking, Nova?"
You shoot from your seat, feeling your blood rushing. "This has gotta be a joke, Choi." You spit out. "A tabloid murderer—"
"An exonerated tabloid murderer." Seungcheol says, interrupting your rant and causing you to glare at him before continuing.
"—joining our district and being my rookie? Are we just letting anyone join nowadays?"
Seungcheol let out a sigh before standing up and walking over, standing a few meters away from you. "Actually, Officer Kwon had to sue the city to even be in this position because he was wrongfully charged in the first place. The trial found him not guilty and let him into the academy." You let out a slow breath as he continues. "And once he was there, he earned solid scores. His record also tells me they're better than yours."
You freeze at that, your frown deepening. "You can't be serious." You deadpan out.
Seungcheol shakes his head, picking up a paper on his desk before turning it to you. Your eyes widen as the score '389' reflects clearly on the sheet of paper causing you to internally curse. The murderer had scored one point higher than you. One Point.
Seungcheol pulls the paper away from your face, placing it back on his desk as you collect the million thoughts racing through your head. "Internal Affairs has decided that he is your new rookie to really test that your training methods work."
You feel your chest burn with anger. "This really feels like a threat, Sarge." You manage to spit out, your tone and words laced with venom, making Seungcheol sigh.
"It's the offer you're getting, Nova. So I guess the question is…" Seungcheol trails off, sitting at the corner of his desk as he crosses his arms in front of him. "Whether you're going to condemn him before you even meet the guy or are you going to give him the proper treatment to ensure that he passes with flying colours, so that you and him are able to stay in this district together."
Your eyes narrow at his choice of words before steeling yourself. "If he cannot hack it, I will cut him. Regardless of whether I'm a training officer or not after the fact." You swiftly turn towards the door, not wanting to stay any longer.
Seungcheol calls out your real name, making you pause as you turn back to him. "You're one of the best officers I have, Nova. I hope you know that even though Internal Affairs is being a bitch about it, I would have assigned him to you, regardless of everything happening because I know that you can handle it."
Your heart wrenches slightly at his words as you analyze his expression filled with sincerity and sympathy. It makes you let out a slight scoff as you shake your head. "If I can help it, I will not let a murderer walk out onto our streets, Seungcheol." You steel your gaze on the older man. "Even if its the last thing I get to do as a training officer in this district."
With that, you walk out the door.
All the sounds muffle as you continue down the hallway making your way towards the main meeting room for roll call as a number settles in between your thoughts.
546 Days.
You had seen the number written on Kwon Soonyoung's contract under your name.
546 Days under your watch.
546 Days where he will either pass with flying colours or flunk out under your watch.
546 Days to prove that all the blood, sweat and tears were worth it.
546 Days to prove that he has a chance to stay.
546 Days to prove that you were meant for this job.
546 Days, and the clock starts now.
Soonyoung can count the number of times he has been caught red-handed on one hand.
The first time being when he was six years old and he broke his mothers favourite vase, the second being when he had accidentally stepped on his dog — Latte's — tail and she had to be taken to the vet when he was ten. Third, when he sneaked out to meet a girl by the convenience store near his house that he liked when he was sixteen, which was also where he had his first kiss.
However, he didn't think the fourth would be at the age of twenty-eight, handcuffed in the back of a cop's car where he could still feel his hands slicked with blood, hear his heart pounding in his ears as he felt the adrenaline continue to rush through his veins.
Everything felt like a rush, as if he was acting in a new movie. Except this was real life.
He remembers the door being broken in, he remembers his hands stained with red as he was forced to move away from the body. He remembers the muffled yelling of the officers telling him to stand down and surrender when he hadn't even moved from where he was sitting.
He remembers being tackled by the officers, feeling them slam his head into the floor as they handcuffed his bloody hands together and forced him up on his feet, without a second thought for him.
He remembers being read his rights in the back of the car, he remembers being processed and being read his rights in the interrogation room.
He remembers flinching as the detective hit the metal table and yelled at him to answer their questions, questions he doesn't even recall hearing.
Worst of all, he remembers clutching her body in his arms, his hands getting soaked with red as he felt the tears run down his face, hearing his own yells that were muffled and he was sure that it was all just gibberish. Even with his face on the floor and his hands handcuffed behind his back, he could still see the pool of blood that she was left in, her white dress that he had gotten her for her last birthday was soaked with the crimson of her blood. Her eyes, that was once so full of life just bore into his, lifeless and dim.
He had never felt so broken.
Everything felt like a movie, he remembers calling in his oldest friend — Jeonghan — he remembers his manager getting tons of calls, looking more stressed than he had ever seen him, but he thinks the worst part of everything was the look on his parents face when he had gotten convicted, when he was almost convicted without trial.
Soonyoung woke up with a start, his bangs slick with sweat as he felt the cool air prickle his slightly sweaty skin. He groans, running a hand through his hair as a million thoughts ran through his mind.
Her in her white dress soaked crimson from her own blood. Her lips pale, her body cold and limp in Soonyoung's arms as her blood soaked his skin as well, painting his skin red.
He can't remember how many times he had woken up from the same nightmare, but he knows it had to be at least in the sixties or seventies now, considering he used to have this nightmare three times a week during his first week of trials.
That was almost a year and a half ago at this point, he remembers the endless weeks of trial, the sleepless nights of solo-confinement and shudders. When the jury ruled 'not guilty' and he was exonerated, Soonyoung spent the better part of the first few months going for therapy sessions that Jeonghan practically had to drag him to.
"Self-pity is okay." Jeonghan had assured him when Soonyoung brought it up once how much of a burden he felt, wallowing in it. "You went through something that no one should have to experience. It's okay to wallow in the self-pity for a while but don't let it become something that turns you into a shell for the rest of your life."
Soonyoung remembers wanting to argue then, about how it felt wrong for him to live when she was gone but upon seeing the tired look on Jeonghan's face, he shuts up. He was thankful for the older man, who represented him in court and managed to get a settlement for him which was the only good thing reaped from this god-awful case. It was so messy and the evidence was tainted by so many sources, that the case itself was just a nightmare.
Jeonghan had asked what Soonyoung wanted to do with the settlement after the case was over and Soonyoung couldn't tell him. He knew he couldn't go back to being an idol after this — not that he wanted to — the public opinion of him was the worst it had been in years. But after settling down and resting his head on a soft plushy pillow while staring at the ceiling, it clicks.
He used the settlement to sue his way into the police academy and the rest was history.
Soonyoung glances towards his digital calendar on the wall and curses lowly under his breath. Maybe it was just his luck that he happens to have this nightmare plague his mind on the first day of his rookie training. His eyes, flit towards the time on the bottom right of the calendar. He lets out a sigh as it reads 6:20am, an unfortunate time for him to be awake. He forces himself to sit up on the mattress, knowing that sleep will not come easy after the nightmare.
He gets off the mattress and shuffles out of his room, the air of the recent nightmare still lingering which suffocates him slightly. As soon as he opens the door, Soonyoung gets the shock of his life seeing Jeonghan sitting at their kitchen island, a cup of tea in one hand and his phone in the other, scrolling.
"Morning." Jeonghan nonchalantly states as he takes a sip of his tea. He barely glances up at Soonyoung, acting as if it was normal for him to be up at this ungodly hour. Soonyoung blinks at the older man, staring at him making Jeonghan finally glance up, noticing that he hadn't moved from the doorframe and raises an eyebrow. "What?"
"I should be asking you that." Soonyoung blurts out, shuffling into the kitchen. He leans against the kitchen counter as Jeonghan locks his phone, placing it face-down on the countertop. "Why are you awake at this ungodly hour?"
Jeonghan shrugs. "Was burning the midnight oil working on a nightmare of a new case so I didn't get a lot of sleep." Jeonghan pauses, analyzing the younger man. "I was planning to wake up earlier anyways. Wanted to see if you needed anything before you went in for your first day."
Soonyoung feels himself freeze at the double meaning of Jeonghan's words, which of course doesn't go unnoticed by the older man who slides off the island seat. "Tea?" Jeonghan offers softly. Soonyoung feels himself nod before moving to occupy the seat that Jeonghan was in, as if he was on auto-pilot.
Jeonghan shuffles around the kitchen, humming softly to himself as Soonyoung taps along, fingers moving along to the beat as he watches the older man move around the kitchen. Jeonghan had offered Soonyoung to move in with him right after the ruling, when Soonyoung had sold everything that even held a small resemblance to his old idol life, wanting to start anew.
At first, he was hesitant, he didn't want to intrude on Jeonghan's space, and after bringing that up to Jeonghan, the older man simply rolled his eyes and practically moved Soonyoung in without consent.
Jeonghan places the mug in-front of Soonyoung before leaning against the counter.Soonyoung takes the cup with a soft 'thank you' making Jeonghan hum in acknowledgement as he eyes the blonde man in front of him. He takes a small sip, sighing a little in contentment as he feels his chest warm from the hot liquid.
"Wanna talk about it?"
Soonyoung sighs as he meets Jeonghan's gaze, shrugging. "Nothing new." He states, his words bitter as he takes another sip. "Just of that night."
Jeonghan was painfully familiar with that night. He had asked Soonyoung to walk him through it at least a dozen times to make sure that there were no loopholes in his story that the DA would eat him alive for.
Jeonghan let out a sigh. "Are you sure that you're ready for today?" He asks, concern slipping into his tone. "The therapist said that she could always write you a letter to start next week."
Soonyoung shakes his head. "No." He had already considered this the other day when Minyoung, his therapist, brought it up during their most recent session together. It seemed too much like an easy way out and Soonyoung knew that as soon as he took it, it would make his journey a little less purposeful.
"I need to do this." Soonyoung states with a quiet resolve. "I need to make sure that no one else goes through the same thing that I did and I also need to do this for…" He trails off, not being able to say her name. But Jeonghan gets it, running a hand through his hair.
"Well, you were always the more resolved one out of the two of us." Jeonghan softly jokes, breaking the tension as Soonyoung barks out a laugh.
"No way." Soonyoung starts, shaking his head. "Have you seen yourself in court? You nearly ate that other lawyer alive."
Jeonghan scoffs at that. "Because their defense was bullshit." He snarkily states, shaking his head. "Like, how the fuck does 'your honour, the defendants footprints were found on the carpet where the body was found' hold up in court?" Jeonghan blurts out, his hands waving exasperatedly. "Like, no shit Sherlock, it says that in the fucking report."
Soonyoung laugh as Jeonghan continues to rant about the lawyer, his hands continuing their movements. When Jeonghan finally calms down, they launch back into another round of random but easy conversations to pass the time as they finish their cups of tea.
Jeonghan stretches slightly, glancing at the clock. "Well, time for us to get ready."
His words make Soonyoung look towards the clock hanging on the wall, realizing that it was already 7:30am. He goes to pick his cup up but Jeonghan beats him to it, stubbornly shaking his head at Soonyoungs' protests. "I got this, you can't afford to be late on your first day."
Soonyoung scoffs. "And you can?"
"Well, I'm not at the bottom of the food chain, Boot." Jeonghan quips back, a small smirk on his face. The younger boy rolls his eyes, silently flipping the older boy off before making his way into his bedroom.
"Hoshi?"
Soonyoung stops in his tracks, hearing the childhood nickname. He glances at Jeonghan who is standing by the sink. "Yeah?"
Jeonghan analyzes Soonyoung, chewing on his bottomm lip. "If anything bad happens today, I want you to tell me about it." Soonyoung blinks and opens his mouth but Jeonghan raises his hand, stopping him from whatever he was going to say. "I don't care how gory the details are or how fucked up the case is. If anything happens, you either tell me or text Minyoung about it." Jeonghan inhales a shaky breath, strict concern written all over his face. "Promise me, please?"
Soonyoung's heart clenches at Jeonghan's words before nodding. "I promise."
Jeonghan let out a slow exhale of relief and nods. "Good." He turns back to the sink. "I'll see you at dinner, don't do anything stupid that makes you late."
The tension of the earlier statements break at Jeonghan's nagging making Soonyoung roll his eyes. "Yes, mum."
"Don't start with me, Kwon Soonyoung." Jeonghan chastises, jokingly stern which makes Soonyoung's eyes roll again as a scoff falls from his lips. He enters his room, shutting the door behind him with a soft 'thud' before his eyes flit towards the rookie uniform hanging next to his mirror.
He inhales sharply, letting the silence wash over him as the fact finally settles that today is his first day in the actual police world. He didn't have the safety net of the academy and he has to be prepared for anything.
Soonyoung turns toward the window where sunlight starts to seep in as it rises slowly over the horizon of the buildings. Pink and orange clouds fill the sky as dark blue starts to seep in, the orange ball of light peeking through the buildings. Soonyoung smiles, slightly bittersweet. Pink and orange were her favourite colours after all.
"Thank you for another beautiful morning, Seoyeon."
"You're kidding." Seokmin states in disbelief, a small frown on his face. You give him a blank stare as Minghao, Mingyu and him peer into the windowed briefing room. "Kwon Soonyoung? Like the murderer?!"
"Exonerated murderer." You state bitterly, Seungcheol's voice ringing in your head. "Choi was very clear about that fact when he told me about it."
The four of you stand outside the briefing room, leaning against the desks as you stare at the exonerated murderer in question, sitting at the front row, engaging with the other three rookies.
"He looks so…" Mingyu trails off, tilting his head as Minghao fixes him with an unamused look.
"Normal?" Minghao asks with an eyebrow raised.
Mingyu shakes his head. "Small."
Seokmin scoffs at that. "You're a giant, everyone is smaller than you by default."
The two start to bicker but you tune them out as you stare at the blonde headed rookie, squinting and analyzing him as he laughs at something the rookie next to him says. Despite being slightly older than them, you can tell that they're close from the way that they were cracking jokes with each other. Soonyoung, however, is nervous. You can tell from the way he keeps tapping his fingers against the metal table, no doubt worried about how the day was going to turn out.
"Pixie." You turn to your right to see Minghao leaning against the desk next to you as Mingyu and Seokmin continued their bickering. "Are you alright?"
You open your mouth, ready to let out an easy white lie but hesitate when you see the concern in Minghao's eyes, making you sigh as you fold your arms. "Not really." You mutter, turning back to look at the rookie. "I don't know how Sarge is expecting me to ride out there with this guy having my back, Hyung. It's like a train wreck waiting to happen."
"I'm sure Sarge has a good reason for putting you with him, Pixie." Minghao gently says. "He probably knows that this is the one thing that will put you on the board for the Sergeants' Exam. A challenge that will put you a notch above the rest." Minghao nudges you, a teasing smile tugging on his lips. "And," he adds, "if he doesn't make it, you can always wash him out. You're the queen of doing that after all."
An awkward laugh bubbles out of your throat as you feel your heart sink, digesting Minghao's words.
When the three had crowded you after your meeting with Seungcheol, you hadn't entirely divulged all the details from the meeting. You said that the brass just talked about the new rookie that you needed to shoulder and that it was the wrongfully incarcerated man sitting at the front row.
You couldn't bear to talk about the consequences of what would happen if Soonyoung washes out on your watch, just like you couldn't bear to tell the details of how Minghao was close to being in the same boat as you.
Minghao, ever the observant one, raised an eyebrow at that and asked why the meeting had taken so long if it was just about that. You, ever the adaptable one, replied that you had fought with Seungcheol for the rest of the time about the decision before he finally pulled rank on you.
Not entirely a lie, but not entirely the truth either.
"Still." You say, doubts swirling in your head. "What if I can't make him a good officer, Hao?" Minghao shakes his head before grabbing your hand, squeezing it gently in his.
"Pixie, you will deal with it." Minghao reassures gently, squeezing your hand again. "You're one of the best training officers we have and you will teach this idol what it takes to be a police officer and whether he deserves to be here." He continues, his words fiercely imprinting themselves into your mind. "You're Nova for a reason."
The doubts clear slightly at Minghao's words, making you smile at your step-brother as you nudge him. "Best training officer huh?" You ask, a teasing edge in youe words that makes Minghao roll his eyes.
"I take back everything I said."
Your smile widens. "Too lateeee." You singsong out making Minghao scoff, shoving you lightly.
"Shut it Pixie." He says, a ghost of a smile on his lips as you continued to tease him endlessly.
"Four musketeers." A loud, strict voice drawls out, snapping the four of you out of your conversations. The four of you turn to see Seungcheol leaning against the frame of the briefing room door with his arms crossed. Your eyes widen slightly, when the hell did he get there?
His eyebrow raises as he scans the four of you. "Are you four waiting for an invitation for roll call?"
At his words, Mingyu pushes himself off of the table, a cheeky smile on his face. "Of course sir, a hand delivered invitation from you really shows that you care about the four of us."
Seungcheol rolls his eyes before clicking his tongue."How about an invitation to clean the drunk tank instead, Officer Kim?" A small smirk plays on his lips. "I heard they had some real pukers last night."
Mingyu's eyes widen before he clears his throat. "No sir."
Seungcheol raps his knuckles on the door before gesturing into the room. "Inside in 10 seconds. If you aren't," he turns, a sly glint in his eyes, "you can clean the drunk tank with your tongues."
The four of you immediately stand up straight and walk in through the back door, sitting at the second last row of the room as the rest of the officers and the rookies watch you. Your eyes slowly scan the four rookies before they land on your own, locking eyes with him. He gives you a small smile, nerves definitely creeping in as you narrow yours, keeping your face as neutral as possible. His smile drops as you break eye contact, crossing your arms as you turn to look at Seungcheol.
Seungcheol — the watch commander on duty — stands at the front with Jun at his side as his second in command. You glance at Jun who locks eyes with you, giving you a small smile and a wink that makes you bite back your own smile, rolling your eyes at his antics.
"Alright, looks like we got some new blood this morning." Seungcheol starts, giving a once over to the three younger rookies before looking straight at Soonyoung. "And some, pushing it a little bit."
He rounds the stand, "Stand up." The four rookies scramble to their feet. "After six months at the academy, you have earned the right to be here but you'll have to prove yourself to stay. The way we do things matter. Protocol and tradition are the metal from which every police officer in this city is forged." He gives them a once over again. "Are we clear?" Seungcheol asks, his eyebrow raised.
"Yes, sir."
"Good." Seungcheol rounds the stand to where his papers are. "All of you can sit, except for Officer Kwon." He sizes Soonyoung up, folding his arms in front of him. "Normally, we would be doing the traditional introduction for new probationary officers but you," he takes a few steps towards Soonyoung, "are anything but traditional, Officer Kwon."
He clicks his tongue as Soonyoung places his arms behind his back in army stance. "So," Seungcheol continues, "I am giving you ten seconds to introduce yourself to the rest of the station before rumours start to spread like a wildfire."
Seungcheol signals for Soonyoung to turn around and face the rest of the station. You watch him take a shaky inhale. "I know that there's nothing that I can say in 10 seconds that will change everyone's opinions of me." He lets out a bitter chuckle as he shakes his head, looking at the floor. "Believe me, I've tried." He looks back up as he gives everyone a once over. "But I promise to always have your back and let my actions speak for themselves. And I promise to always strive to tip the scales towards justice." He locks eyes with you. "Because I know what it feels like when they're tipped the other way."
You feel Seokmin, Mingyu and Minghao all glance towards you, trying to gauge your reaction but you just continue to stare at your new rookie, who breaks eye contact as Seungcheol speaks. "And I want to make something very clear."
The whole room turns their attention back to Seungcheol. "Officer Kwon was found not guilty and he earned the right to be here like the rest of you." Seungcheol looks around the room. "He survived the academy, with phenomenal scores and I'd like to repeat," his eyes lock with yours, "that he has earned every right to be here."
You deadpan at the Sergeant, resisting the urge to roll your eyes as he turns to Junhui. "Now, Sergeant Wen shall lead us to our training officers favourite activity," he starts, moving to the side. "The 'Training Officer Match-Up'."
Jun takes the stand before looking at the rookies at the front. "Our contestants for this years matchup are," Jun raises his hand to address them one by one with a smile on his face, he eyes the first one. "Boo Seungkwan, who I am told is the newest military band recruit."
Boo Seungkwan whose hair was dyed a light brown, gives everyone a small wave as Jun eyes the next one. "Hansol Vernon Chwe, whose parents hoped that he would have the force on his side."
You roll your eyes at the dad joke as Seokmin giggles beside you. You watch Vernon rub the back of his neck, whether from second-hand embarrassment or just embarrassment from the attention, you didn't know.
"Baby face, Lee Chan, who is our youngest rookie in history." The baby face in question dons light brown hair and smiles a huge infectious smile that slightly cracks your neutral facade. Jun's eyes sweep to the next one, his gaze hardening. "And as you've heard, our idol-legacy, Kwon Soonyoung."
Jun clears his throat, clapping his hands together as he turns to face you, Minghao, Mingyu and Seokmin. "And our winners are." His eyes flit downwards to his list. "Officer Lee, you get our newest choir boy."
Seokmin, buzzes with excitement making you glance at him, smiling softly. Being apart of the Military Band himself, you're sure that Seokmin and his rookie are going to get along very well.
"Officer Xu, you get our Star Wars fan." You glance at Minghao, a small smile on his face as he rolls his eyes at Jun's antics. "Officer Kim, you get our newest baby face." Mingyu shoots Chan a smile as you watch Soonyoung turn around and lock eyes with you. "Which leaves idol-legacy rookie Officer Kwon to ride with our very own legacy." Jun reads out your name from the list as you narrow your eyes at the rookie who gives you a small smile.
Seungcheol turns to address the rookies again. "Don't let today be your last. Forget the academy, listen to your TOs and you might just survive out there today."
You hear Minghao clear his throat beside you, no doubt holding back a smirk at the Sergeants' words as you shake your head at Seungcheol's antics.
"Right, hop to it." Seungcheol claps his hands together. "Be safe out there."
Seokmin hops to his feet as he bids you and the rest goodbye, with promises to see you at lunch as he all but skips to meet his new rookie. The scene makes you laugh a little to yourself as you watch him animatedly introduce himself to Seungkwan before going to prepare their shop.
You stand up slowly with the other two, Mingyu stretching as he does, letting his back crack before shooting the two of you a toothy grin. "See you guys for lunch." He glances at you and Minghao, a cheeky smile on his face. "Don't make your rookies quit before lunch, I'd like to get to know them before you throw them into hell."
The two of you collectively roll your eyes as Minghao shoves Mingyu hard, making the taller man nearly collide into his own rookie. You immediately cover your mouth to muffle your giggles as Mingyu springs to apologize to the baby face while shooting your step-brother a sharp glare.
A small smirk plays on Minghaos lips as the two of you watch Mingyu and his rookie exit the briefing room. Minghao taps you on the shoulder, making you turn your attention to him as he levels with you. "Be safe." He starts sternly, glancing behind you, no doubt at your rookie, before looking back at you. "Call me if you anything happens, okay?"
Despite the nerves pricking at your skin, you jokingly roll your eyes as you mock a salute. "Will do, Sir!" Minghao rolls his eyes at your antics, shoving you softly before walking towards Vernon who's patiently waiting for him at the glass door of the briefing room. You watch them walk towards the logistics room before taking a deep breath and steeling your resolve as you turn to find Soonyoung standing right behind you.
"Ma'am." Soonyoung greets, a small smile on his face as you give him a once over, crossing your arms.
You internally sigh, this was going to be a long day. You briskly walk out of the room, not caring if he is behind you or not."
Soonyoung blinks in surprise and scrambles to catch up with you, nearly tripping over his own two feet. "I've heard a lot about you Ma'am, from the academy!" Soonyoung chirps up as he tries to keep up with your pace. "You are a legend! It's so nice to meet you—"
You stop abruptly, nearly causing Soonyoung to slam into you as you turn to face him, a scowl on your face. You glance behind the two of you, before Soonyoung feels himself be pushed into the interrogation room to your right, slamming the door behind you.
"Sit." He hears you say, eerily cold making Soonyoung blink.
"Pardon?" Soonyoung says as he watches you roll your eyes at him.
"You deaf, Boot?" You spit out before pointing to the chair across the table. "Take a seat!"
Soonyoung scrambles to take a seat. He watches you pace slowly around the room, walking a round around him before you lean against the table.
"Alright, Riot," you start slowly, making Soonyoung shudder at the nickname. "I want to make something very clear to you."
Soonyoung nods slowly, listening to your words. "I would hold off on any sentiment that you have from meeting me, Officer Kwon. I am going to make today the hardest day of your career, hell, the hardest day of your life." You start as Soonyoung watches you steel your gaze and lean closer. "You have twenty extra seconds to tell me why you think you deserve to be a police officer and why I shouldn't just wash you out now for a past that you can't run away from."
Soonyoung feels his throat dry up at your words as his eyes widen. "Twenty?" He manages to sputter out. "With all due respect ma'am, twenty seconds seems too little for you to just cut me over."
He watches you roll your eyes, pushing yourself up as you fold your arms. "Twenty crimes and scandals collectively." He hears you state, making him freeze, his heart sinking in his chest. "Is the reason why I am giving you twenty seconds, Boot. And honestly, it's plenty more than I should give you considering your track record."
"Which I was found not guilty for." Soonyoung finds himself saying before he can stop himself, making you scoff.
"Which some of the public disagrees with." You state, unfolding your arms and leaning against the table once again. "It doesn't matter whether you won the case or not Boot. The fact of the matter is that you were accused of them in the first place. Even if it was wrong time, wrong place that you and your godforsaken lawyer claimed in court, this isn't court. You can't be going around arguing with everyone who finds that ruling false."
You lean in closer again, causing Soonyoung's eyes to narrow. "So, twenty seconds to explain to me why you deserve to be here, why you aren't a liability to this department and a threat to my safety." You snarkily say before lifting your right arm. "Your twenty seconds start now, Boot. And if I like your answer…" You trail off, pulling away to steely eye him again.
"You can be sure that I'm going to make these next 546 Days a living hell."
When Soonyoung hears the click of your watch, he panics. He sputters out words, trying to plead his case but you just watch him, an unamused expression on your face. He runs through a thousand and one words in his mind, trying to find the right words to say but his mouth runs before his brain catches up.
"Of all the things I've heard about the department's legend, a quitter wasn't one of them."
Soonyoung watches you freeze, your eyes narrowing as you glare at him. "Watch yourself, Boot." He hears you coldly say but he catches your voice wavering just slightly.
Soonyoung has always been really good at reading people. It was one of the skills required to be an adaptable idol and he always used it to his advantage. Whether it be doing fan service for the fans or just charming the upper management when he was still under contract — he always managed to see what others didn't want.
So, with a leap of faith, he sees the angle and runs with it.
Soonyoung takes a deep breath before composing himself and flits his gaze to lock eyes with you. "No, I don't think I will, Ma'am." He coolly says as he crosses his arms. "Everyone at the academy was saying how much of a legend you are, taking on even the weakest rookies and turning them into machines." He shrugs. "Sure, some of them wash out…" he leans forward, "But I never would've thought that the department legend, Nova, would rule a rookie out without even giving him a chance."
"Riot-" You warn but Soonyoung interrupts you, his adrenaline and mouth running before he even has a chance to think.
"Ma'am, you're not even giving me a chance to prove myself." He pointedly says. "We haven't even gone on the shift yet and you have me here," he emphasizes by gesturing around the room, "Holed up in the interrogation room because you would rather use whatever you heard about me instead of getting to know me."
"Officer Kwon." You start but he interrupts you again by chuckling bitterly.
"How is that even going to work in your report?" Soonyoung challenges, voice low. "How are you going to tell the brass that one of their top scoring academy students, despite all that he has been through, washes out on the first day because Academy Legend, Nova, didn't even bother to give him a chance?"
Pin drop silence rings in the interrogation room as your watch goes off, signaling that his twenty seconds are over. Soonyoung stands up, still holding your fiery gaze as he matches with one of his own.
"So," he starts, after catching his breath, "Am I out or what?"
He watches you with bated breath, an unreadable expression on your face — which scares him more than it should — before you break eye contact and slam your fist on the table, making him flinch slightly. as you mutter out a string of Cantonese and Chinese curses under your breath. He watches you run a hand down your face before you glare at him again. "You got one shift, Kwon." You spit out, rounding the table to stand in-front of him. "But make no mistake," you press a finger into his chest, "One wrong move and you can kiss this cop career goodbye."
He swallows, as you raise an eyebrow. "Are. We. Clear?" You bite out making him nod slowly.
"Crystal."
You stare at him for a couple more seconds before you take a step back. "Go set up our shop Riot."
Soonyoung gives you a brief nod before walking out of the room, closing the interrogation door behind him with a soft 'thud'. He leans against the wall and lets out a shaky exhale as his heart continues to thunder in his ears.
He honestly couldn't believe that he just did that. He stood up to you and basically called you a quitter and somewhat of a coward to your face. To you, the cutthroat Medusa or Nova of the Academy.
"Good going, dipshit." He mutters to himself, pushing off the wall. He feels the pit in his stomach get deeper as he walks to the logistics room to get the gear. "This is going to be a long day."
REPORT 1 OF 546 - SNIPED THROUGH THE HEART
At the academy, they run a lot of simulations. For example a bank robbery, a hostage situation that is about to hit the fan, hell they even run you through a simulation of what happens when you get kidnapped.
But none of the simulations could ever prepare Soonyoung for the cold shoulder that you've given him since the interrogation room. You've barely said more than three sentences since leaving the station, the shops' air uncomfortable with awkward silence.
Soonyoung wants to apologize to you but he know that he can't do that by any means. He had said those things for a reason and he will not apologize for saying all those things if it means that you give him a chance.
Which is how he ends up in this situation at lunch.
"You said WHAT?" Soonyoung winces at Seungkwan's loud outburst as he recalls the morning to his fellow rookies, leaving Seungkwan baffled, Chan's jaw dropped open in shock and Vernon who looks dumbfounded at all the words that just came out of his mouth.
"Keep your voice down, Boo." Soonyoung hisses, glancing around to see a few of the officers side-eyeing the four of them. "Do you want me to get condemned even more?"
Seungkwan rolls his eyes. "You should for all the stupid words that have been coming out of your mouth. He sarcastically states, making Soonyoung shoot him a glare as Chan shakes his head in disbelief.
"I can't believe you actually had the balls to say that to her." Chan says, making Soonyoung groan, placing his head in his hands.
"I can." Vernon nonchalantly quips back, taking a sip of his soda, and making Soonyoung's head shoot up to glare at the man who just shrugs back at him.
"I'd be surprised if you actually make it through the day, Kwon." Seungkwan states, stabbing his fork into his salad bowl before shoveling the salad into his mouth.
Soonyoung slouches in his chair, his face full of disdain. "I'm fucked," he mutters out, glancing towards the three other rookies. "Aren't I?"
The three share a glance with each other, having a silent conversation which makes Soonyoung groan again. He had met the three on his first day at the academy, and despite knowing who he was and the fire he was under, they welcomed him with open arms, Chan jokingly stating that they would rather have him in their group to keep an eye on him. You know, keep your friends close but exonerated murderers closer.
Soonyoung lets out a surprised laugh at that while Seungkwan chastises the younger man for even thinking of making a joke like that as Vernon shakes his head, a small amused smirk on his face. He learned that the three were childhood friends, having grown up living on the same street as each other. There were times where Seungkwan and Vernon mentioned a fourth person being in their group but immediately shut their mouth about it whenever Chan was around.
Soonyoung, not wanting to pry, never asked about it because of the incident during their academy days where Seungkwan accidentally said their name and Chan immediately shut down for the rest of the week. Sure, Soonyoung would be lying if he said he wasn't even a little bit curious about what Chan's past was with that person, but he knew better than anyone else that some wounds and stories just aren't meant to be opened.
"Well, on the bright side," Chan starts, nudging him, "at least you managed to make it through the first half of the shift." He says a little chirpily, trying to lighten the mood as Vernon nods, giving Soonyoung a thumbs up as Seungkwan scoffs.
"Unless Medusa turns him to stone and eats him alive later." Seungkwan mutters out before letting out a yelp as Chan whacks him in the shoulder blade, a sign to keep quiet. Seungkwan levels him with a glare. "Why you little—"
The two start to bicker as a few officers glance over at the two to see what the commotion is about as Soonyoung and Vernon share a tired glance, not knowing whether to stop them or hide more into their rookie uniforms in embarrassment. Soonyoung glances towards you, sitting at the training officer table with the rest, an easy smile on your face that makes him frown slightly. He really needs a way to prove you wrong. And he needs to find it as soon as possible.
On the other side of the courtyard, as you're the talk of the rookie table, Soonyoung is the talk of yours. "So," Mingyu says, taking a seat opposite you with his tray as you're munching on your salad bowl. "Have you cut him yet?"
You roll your eyes. "Ha.Ha." You say sarcastically, stabbing a piece of lettuce."Very funny, Gyu."
Minghao takes the seat on your right while Seokmin sits to your left, giving you a small smile. "Judging from the fact that he's sitting with the rest of our rookies," Minghao starts, nodding towards the rookie table. "I take it he had a passable morning?" He asks, making you shrug your shoulders.
"I tried to give him the old fashioned Medusa talk and he didn't budge." You mutter out, moving the salad around in the bowl. "In fact, he has some balls, called me something of a coward for trying to cut him before he even makes it out for the shift."
The three go quiet, making you glance up from your food, looking at the three blinking at you, their eyes wide. You furrow your eyebrows. "What?" You ask pointedly, a little uneasy by the looks on their faces.
Mingyu blinks. Once. Twice. "I'm shocked that you didn't throw him out of the shop as soon as you started your shift." Mingyu states, a little shell-shocked, making Seokmin nod.
"I'm surprised he didn't come back with any bodily injuries." Seokmin quips back making you snort in disbelief at the two taller men.
"Shut up you two." You mutter out as Soonyoung's words keep ringing in your mind as if they're on replay. You grimace slightly at the memory before glancing at said rookie at the table, happily eating his lunch which makes you grimace even more.
Minghao notices, glancing towards your rookie before locking eyes with you, his gaze fleeting all over you, calculating and analyzing. You raise an eyebrow at his look. "What?" You ask, making Minghao shrug.
"Nothing. It's just…" He trails off, as if unsure if he should say it or not. It makes you uneasy.
"Spit it out Hao."
He chews his bottom lip before relenting. "If he really doesn't have what it takes like you said, you would have already taken all the high risk calls this morning so that you could wash him out as fast as possible." Minghao steels his gaze on you, tilting his head slightly. "So, is there a reason why you haven't?" You gnaw on your bottom lip.
You knew the reason why.
Firstly, it's the fact that Soonyoung is right, his scores are impeccable, there was no reason for you to want to wash him out as much as you really wanted to. He is the perfect rookie on paper, almost on par with you and Hao, but he was right, you didn't know him. Second, the more obvious reason is of course the more selfish one where you could lose your job if he washes out. But you couldn't tell Hao that, so you settled for something… in the middle.
"Honestly," You start, "I want him to realize for himself that he isn't cut out for this job." You wave your fork around. "I mean, we've all been through it as well, it was hard for us the first few months. The academy can only teach you so much, when we got out of there, we were like baby birds trying to figure out how to fly again."
The three go quiet, slowly digesting your words. You had been thinking about this since this morning. You've heard Seungcheol talk about it a few times, when rookies quit on their own terms, it doesn't go on your permanent record which means that the brass would be forced to give you another rookie. Any rookie would be better than this stuck-up idol-legacy and you're sure of it.
You take a deep breath. "So, I took it easy this morning to draw him into a false sense of security before we take all the high risk calls the rest of the shift." A semi-white lie.
"Damn," Mingyu whistles, breaking the silence. "That's a very Medusa of you, Nova."
Seokmin nods. "It a little scary how your brain works Nova." He shudders. "I'm so glad that I'm on your good side."
The tension breaks as Minghao shoots you a smirk and you laugh a little at Seokmin's words. "Shut up." You say, with no actual malice this time, a small smile making its way onto your face. "Eat your food losers before we're actually late for the next half of our shift."
The rest of the lunch is filled with easy banter as you and the rest of the guys joke around, conversations flowing easily before Seokmin glances at Mingyu's watch. "Well," He lifts Mingyu's arm up. "That's all folks!" He cheerily says with a wink, making you laugh as Mingyu rolls his eyes at Seokmin's antics. He pulls his arm away from Seokmin, shoving him slightly.
"Get your own watch you loser." Seokmin lets out an astounded gasp at Mingyu's shove and opens his mouth, ready to bicker when Minghao puts up a hand, stopping the two.
"Please," he deadpans, "don't start."
Mingyu and Seokmin share a glance with each other, before turning back to the mediator. "But he—" Seokmin starts but immediately shrinks back seeing Minghao's motherly glare, looking a little like a kicked puppy.
You shake your head at their antics before standing up, rolling your shoulders. "Right," You start before eyeing your brother. "Can you help me clear my trash? I got a rookie to straighten out."
Minghao stares at you for a moment before he begrudgingly nods, making you give him a smile and a back hug. "You're the best!"
He rolls his eyes but pats your arms nonetheless. "Yeah yeah," He drawls out. "You only say that when I do something for you."
You pull away. "Because you're the best when you help your baby sister do stuff."
"Step-sister." He corrects making you roll your eyes before you bid them goodbye.
You walk over to the rookie table, steeling yourself when the baby face meets your gaze and his eyes widen as you try not to smirk at the way he starts to lose his composure. You stop right behind Soonyoung's chair before kicking it lightly, making him jump before he turns and locks eyes with you. You gesture to the shop. "C'mon Boot." You snark out. "Crime ain't going to fight itself."
You walk backwards as Soonyoung's eyes widen before he scrambles to his feet, ready to follow you. You raise an eyebrow and cross your arms. "Leaving without clearing your trash, Riot?" He stills at that as he turns to face the table where his food wrappers still were. "Are you expecting your fellow rookies to clear up after you?"
"No, Ma'am." He mumbles, grabbing the food wrappers and tossing them into the nearby bin as you see his fellow rookies all share a look with each other. You roll your eyes as the blonde man made his way to you before the two of you stalk off to the shop together.
The three rookies watch as the two of you walk away, Soonyoung scrambling to catch up with your fast pace. For someone shorter than him, you sure are fast. After the amusing scene, Chan eyes Vernon and Seungkwan. "I bet you $100 that she's gonna try to make him quit before end of shift today."
Seungkwan rolls his eyes as he picks up his trash. "No duh." He sarcastically states, "That's basically free money for you. We should bet on something more interesting."
Chan frowns at that statement. "Like what?" Seungkwan shrugs, throwing his trash away.
"I bet you $500 that they're going to get together." Vernon states nonchalantly, clearing his tray before placing it above the trash can. Chan and Seungkwan freeze at the statement before looking at Vernon as if he had grown a second head. Vernon looks over the two before he frowns. "What?" He asks, curious about their expressions.
"Bro," Chan drawls. "Those two?"
Vernon shrugs. "I can see it happening."
Seungkwan shakes his head in disbelief. "I think she would rather die than date Kwon."
Vernon eyes the two before raising an eyebrow. "Then it's easy money for the two of you right?" He challenges making Chan and Seungkwan look at each other, as if calculating the risks.
Vernon lifts up his hand making Chan smirk, shrugging slightly. "Sure, I'm in." He grabs Vernon's hand, shaking it.
The two look towards Seungkwan who looks like he's still contemplating before he lets out a sigh, taking Vernon's hand. "Fuck it, I'm in."
Vernon grins at the two as Seungkwan rolls his eyes again. "Don't look so happy," Seungkwan quips, starting to walk to where his training officer was with Chan by his side. "You're going to be down a thousand dollars by the end of this."
Vernon shrugs his shoulders, trailing after him before glancing at the two of you again. Soonyoung clumsily stalking after you as you try not to roll your eyes as he almost trips over air.
He smiles a little to himself. "We'll see."
The shop is quiet again, the awkward silence unbearable as you drive around. You keep feeling Soonyoung's stares and glances drill into the side of your head. At first you could avoid it, focusing on the road ahead, but it didn't take long before it began to annoy you.
"If you have something to say, Boot." You say, shocking Soonyoung as your voice pierces through the silence. "Spit it out."
You see Soonyoung pull his bottom lip between his teeth from the corner of your eye as he gnaws on it before sighing. "I- I," his voice cracks slightly, no doubt from his nerves as he clears his throat. "I just wanted to thank you for giving me a chance, Ma'am. I promise you that I won't let you down."
His words make you glance at him and upon noticing the hope sparkling in his eyes, you sigh. "Like I said earlier, Officer Kwon," Your tone hard, "I would hold off on any sentiment. We had a slow start to our shift which means you still have the whole other half of it to make mistakes, so don't make promises that you can't keep." You raise an eyebrow and lock eyes with him through the rear view mirror. "Understood?"
Soonyoung visibly swallows, giving you a curt nod before he proceeds to stare out the window, taking note of the street signs.
The two of you continue to drive before you hear a gunshot, making Soonyoung flinch as your gaze hardens. "Kwon, radio it-" You stop as you watch the car in front of you swerve to the side before crashing into a lamppost making your eyes widen as you quickly pull over to the side, unbuckling and hopping out of the car in record speed as Soonyoung does the same.
You and Soonyoung pull out your guns as you round to the drivers seat and your heart drops. You see a male in his late forties, three gunshot wounds to the chest as the blood begins to seep into his shirt. You turn towards the windscreen, eyes narrowing as you notice the three shots bunched up together. You internally curse, pulling out your radio and looking at the high rise buildings. "Control, 7-Adam-21," You scan the high rise buildings. "We got an active sniper with a long gun at the 45 Bronco Avenue. Requesting backup and patch me through to 7-Adam-100."
"Copy." You hear dispatch state before there was static and Seungcheols voice patches through.
"Nova? What's going on?"
"Sir, we have an active sniper at the 45 Bronco Avenue." You repeat, actively scanning the buildings. "Requesting for you to shut down all eastbound traffic from Main and have Vanguard on stand-by, just in case."
"Copy." You blink in surprise as Jun's voice patches through. "Vanguard will secure the perimeter. Stay safe, Nova."
"Copy." You state, a small smile on your face at Jun's concern before Seungcheol's voice patches through again.
"Nova, Kim and Xu are on their way to your location, one minute out. Wen, I've sent Lee and his rookie to meet up with you to secure the perimeter."
"Copy Sarge." Jun says. "Nova, you and your rookie secure the scene, do not go after the shooter before backup arrives."
"Noted." You state before you address the crowd that had gathered in a panic. "Get off the street! We have an active shooter!" Your heartbeat thuds in your ear, pounding as you feel your blood pulse before you whip around to address Soonyoung. "Kwon-" You pause, noticing Soonyoung staring at the body, his face pale. You frown, "Kwon?"
He doesn't hear you, continuing to stare at the body, his chest pulsing faster and faster. Your eyes widen, realizing what was going on before you round the front of the vehicle to his side. "Kwon." You sternly say, reaching over and turning him around by his shoulders as he starts to hyperventilate. You force him to sit down, his body wrecking with uneven breathing as you gaze all over his face, your mind racing. "Breathe, Kwon! Deep breaths." You chastise, watching as his eyes unevenly focus everywhere except you, like you weren't even there in front of him.
You gnaw on your bottom lip before your ears perk up, hearing sirens behind you. You turn around, noticing Minghao and Mingyu step out of their respective shops. They jog over to you, faces serious with their rookies right behind.
"What have you got?" Minghao asks.
You stand up, blocking their view of Soonyoung. "We got a shooter, sniper from what I can tell from the bunched up shots through the windshield." You nudge your thumb towards it, your words urgent. "I've notified Sarge already, he's shutting down all traffic from Main and Vanguard is securing the perimeter with Seokmin and his rookie." You glance downwards at your rookie who is still in his head before looking towards your two fellow training officers. "We've lost about five minutes on the target but judging from the shots, I'd say they were at either of the Northwest buildings over there from the traffic flow." You gesture towards the buildings.
Chan and Vernon who were behind their TOs notice Soonyoung, their eyes wide as they start to walk towards him. You hold up a hand, stopping them in their tracks, a sharp gaze in your eyes. "I'll deal with him." You sternly say before turning back to Mingyu and Minghao. "I'll get him out of this rut and I'll secure the scene, we're already loosing precious time, go after the sniper."
Mingyu and Minghao share a glance before looking back at you, nodding curtly. They take off down the street, pulling out their guns. "C'mon, Chwe." Minghao calls out, making the rookie give one last glance to Soonyoung before jogging after his TO and clearing the streets. Chan however, ignores his TO's calls and continues to stare at Soonyoung, frozen to the spot even as Mingyu runs further away.
"Officer Lee." You call out to him, making his head snap to you, meeting your stern gaze. "I will deal with him. Follow after your training officer." You watch him swallow, opening his mouth to protest but you stop him. "If you don't, I will personally see to it that your TO writes you a blue page for not following orders." He pales a little at that which makes your gaze soften slightly, as you let out a small sigh.
"I will take care of him." You reassure, your voice still carrying the stern edge. "I promise."
He looks between you and his friend again before nodding and chasing after his training officer. You sigh, crouching back down to your rookie. You call out to him a few times before realizing that you need to shock him out of this anxiety driven state.
Taking a deep breath, you slam your hands down hard onto his shoulders, startling him as you almost snap him out of it. He immediately locks eyes with you.
"Kwon." You sternly breathe out, looking directly into his eyes as his breathing is still uneven. "I need you with me." You mutter sternly, trying to get through to him. "I know it's a shocking discovery seeing a dead body but, I need you to focus on me and get through it."
He stares at you, his eyes still glassy as his breathing still doesn't stabilize. You gnaw on your bottom lip, mind racing before taking a deep breath and changing tactics.
You aren't sure if tough love would work, but you needed it to because there was a shooter at large while you're here trying to get your older rookie to get the hell back onto his feet. You level with him again.
"Officer Kwon." You spit out, shocking the rookie. "I need you to get the fuck back up on your feet." He stares at you, his breathing starting to even out due to your harsh words, colour returning to his face. You continue to get him to focus on you, coaxing him with hard words before the glaze in his eyes fade as colour fully returns to his face.
"Okay?" You ask. He shakily nods which makes you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.
You give him a once over before moving him to the opposite side of the street as he starts to regain his senses. You grab a bottle of water from the shop and hand it to him, not bothering to look at him before securing the scene. You don't know how long you spent trying to get Soonyoung out of his episode before navigating the scene, but Seungcheol appears as supervisor on scene.
"Nova." He greets before looking around you, his eyebrows furrowing as he frowns. "Where's your rookie?" You grimace, gesturing to the opposite end of the street where Soonyoung is, clutching the water bottle as if it's his lifeline.
Seungcheol follows your gaze before his frown deepens. "Did he puke?"
You shake your head. "Panic attack." You simply state, crossing your arms as you both stare at your rookie. "Seeing the bullet holes and the body seems to have brought up some… unpleasant memories." You give Seungcheol a condescending look. "Almost as if he shouldn't be a cop."
Seungcheol rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. "Luckily," he starts, a smirk pulling at his lips. "He has the best TO in the business to get him through this." You roll your eyes, ready to retort when Mingyu and Minghao jog up to the two of you, their faces grim. You watch as their two rookies immediately break away from them and jog towards your rookie before you focus on the two other TOs, your heart dropping at their expressions.
"You didn't get them did you?" The two shake their heads, matching frowns on their faces as you let out a small groan.
"Fucker got away on a zip-line before we managed to get a read on them." Mingyu bitterly states, slowly catching his breath. "We also didn't get a good look at him before he jumped off the building via zipline." Mingyu pulls out his city-issued phone, a picture of the scene on it.
You and Seungcheol lean closer, examining the picture. "Looks like the guy has elite training." You note making Minghao nod grimly.
"Mingyu and I accessed the scene after he jumped out and it looks like it was pre-planned, Sarge. The pegs in the walls to hold the zip-line look like they were hammered in, a day or two ago."
Seungcheol's eyebrows raise before fixing his gaze on Mingyu. "I'm surprised you didn't jump out after him, Kim."
You let out a snort as Mingyu blinks, a little stunned by Seungcheol's statement before scoffing. "Well, I was halfway out the window when Xu pulled me back, sir." He sarcastically states making Seungcheol roll his eyes, a ghost of a smirk tugging on the sides of his lips.
Minghao, who was examining the body and the scene, chews on his bottom lip before calling out to Seungcheol. "Sarge. We're definitely looking for a professional here."
Seungcheol's eyebrow raises. "What makes you say that?"
Minghao points towards the windscreen. "Moving car and still manages to hit their target dead center in the chest?" Minghao shakes his head. "I can think of maybe a couple dozen professionals who can do that." Seungcheol absorbs Minghao's words and nods.
"Well, at least that narrows the search down to a couple dozen people." Seungcheol says as your phone buzzes, you bring it out, scanning the report.
"Our victims name is Viktor Park." You begin to read. "He was an accountant working for ANB Funds and Savings before he quit his job. Database says that he was cited on about a dozen different laundering cases but never caught."
Seungcheol grimaces at that, "Sounds like we're looking for a gun for hire then." You glance back towards the car as you try to piece everything together while Minghao speaks up, almost as if he was reading your mind as he goes through the process bit by bit.
"So," Minghao clicks his tongue. "Viktor is a man of routine and judging from his car and the amount of papers that had fallen out of his briefcase," He gestures to the scattered papers at the backseat. "It looks like he was going to work. If he is a man of routine, it means that he drives down this street everyday because our shooter was just waiting for him to turn up."
Mingyu nods at Minghao's words. "So, maybe the person Viktor was working with needed him dead because they were scared that Viktor was going to leak information about the job?"
Seungcheol nods slowly. "Maybe." He states. "But we need to look at the facts and investigate." He runs a hand down his face. "Just our luck that we're down our detectives today because one's out sick and the other is dealing with the overrun cases in homicide."
You glance at Seungcheol before looking at Minghao and clearing your throat. "Well, Minghao has been studying to take the detectives exam in two weeks." You state, making the three men turn to you. Minghao blinks, shooting you a panicked, 'what are you doing' look. The action makes you shoot him a reassuring wink before continuing. "You could give him your all-powerful speech and make him detective just for the case." You lock eyes with Seungcheol, giving him a cheeky look before lifting a finger. "Plus," You add. "It's good on the job learning experience."
You watch as the gears turn in Seungcheol's head before he nods, turning to Minghao, who looks like he's trying very hard to decide if he wanted to murder you or thank you. "By the power vested in me— come here." He gestures for Minghao to take a step forward, making you and Mingyu stifle your giggles at how Minghao stiffly steps forward. "By the power vested in me by the LAPD, I hereby declare you Detective for the case." Seungcheol says, knighting Minghao. "With great power comes great responsibility."
You let out a snort at the famous quote, quickly covering your mouth as Minghao looks like he's about to puke from the immense pressure. Seungcheol claps a hand onto Minghao's shoulder. "You'll be fine, Xu." He says reassuringly. "Now, I'm assigning Nova and Kim to you as well because it looks like you need the extra set of hands." Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. "Understood?"
Minghao visibly swallows before shallowly nodding, his still slightly pale face making Seungcheol smile and walk off to go relieve Jun and Seokmin from the perimeter. As soon as Seungcheol is out of earshot, Minghao turns towards you and Mingyu who had matching smiles on your faces. "I hate you." Minghao deadpans, making your eyes roll.
"No you don't." You quip back, making Minghao shake his head.
"I'm not ready for such a big responsibility, Pixie!" He exclaims nervously, making you soften, seeing your older brother in distress, actually believing that he wasn't ready for this.
"Hao," You gently start, grabbing your brothers hand in yours. "You analyzed the scene and connected the dots in half the time that I did, even though I was the one who secured the scene." You give his hand a quick squeeze, a small smile on your face. "You're the best one to take the task out of the four of us."
Minghao looks at you, gnawing at his bottom lip before glancing at Mingyu who gives him a reassuring smile, swinging an arm around his shoulders. "She's right." Mingyu simply assures, "You've also been studying for this exam for like ever!" He exaggerates, waving his other arm animatedly, making you giggle at his antics as a small smile ghosts over Minghao's lips. "Having this hands-on experience might make it a whole lot easier to digest the information and further prepare you for the exam."
Minghao digests both of your words, glancing between the two of you before letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, visibly relaxing. "You're right." He says, his nerves steeling. "Let's get started then."
You grin widely at your older step-brother who has a look full of determination, "That's the spirit!" You hum out, letting go of his hand. "Alright, Detective Xu." You tease, making Mingyu laugh as Minghao shakes his head at your antics. "Where shall we start?"
Minghao thinks for a beat. "Well, first we need to secure all evidence in the car, his briefcase, phone, wallet as well as the papers are all evidence for the case." He glances towards Mingyu, "Can you and your rookie help to further secure the scene? I'll get dispatch to send forensics to relieve you guys later."
Mingyu takes a quick glance at you before nodding. "On it." He says before calling out to his rookie. Chan scrambles up, shooting Soonyoung one last look before he scurries over to Mingyu as they start to secure the scene and bag evidence.
"How come you didn't want me to further secure the scene?" You ask, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Minghao's gaze shifts to you before glancing towards where your rookie and his sit, making you frown as the information clicks in your head. "Right." You mutter as Minghao gives you a sympathetic look.
"As much as I want you here with me, working the scene," He chews his bottom lip slightly. "It seems as though your rookie needs to work through a couple of things before he can be allowed onto any homicide scene."
"So, you don't need me?" You ask him, voice small, making him shake his head 'no'.
"I need you and your boot to check with control and ask them to form a list of the couple dozen that could've done this to our victim. See what you can dig up on them before we knock on doors." His eyes darken as he grimaces. "Our hitman already murdered in broad daylight. I'd hate to see what would happen if we didn't have any backup." You nod slowly as Minghao locks eyes with you, his eyes softening. "There's no one else I trust with this job, Pixie." He assures, his voice gentle. "You're my number one. I'll always need you, okay?"
His assurance brings a small smile to your face as you nod in understanding. He pats your head once. "Let's get to work then." He says before looking towards the pavement where both your rookies sit, in silence it looks like. You gnaw on your bottom lip as Minghao calls Vernon over, making the rookie give Minghao a curt nod. He gives Soonyoung a solid pat on the back before he stands up and jogs over to his TO, a tense expression on his face. Minghao shoots you a look before going back to the scene as you heave out a sigh.
You walk over to your rookie, whose colour had returned to his face, and stand before him. "C'mon." You mutter, turning on your heel and walking back to the shop, pulling out your walkie in the process. "Control, I need a list of retired Army Personnel that have a registered long gun to their name."
"Copy, will be sent to your box upon completion."
As dispatch clicks off, you slip into the front seat as Soonyoung slips into shotgun, not meeting your gaze as he clears his throat.
"Ma'am, I—"
You hold up your hand, closing your eyes as you take a deep breath before opening them. "Save it, Kwon." You mutter out bitterly, shooting him a look of disbelief. "All this time when you were training to become a cop, it never occurred to you that you might need to walk into a murder scene?"
Soonyoung gnaws on his bottom lip, hesitating a little before answering. "I thought I was better. I haven't had a panic attack since my fifth session of therapy which was almost a year ago." He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I guess seeing this in person again was just a little more overwhelming than I thought it would be."
You raise an eyebrow at that. "Just a little?" You pointedly ask which makes him heave a sigh again.
"But this is good," Soonyoung starts, "I found another trigger and I'll continue to work through it to become a better version of myself."
You shake your head at that, chuckling to yourself in disbelief. "This isn't a therapy session, Riot." You bitter state, as you try not to burst out in anger. "This is people's lives we're talking about. What happens when we're out on the street and you have a panic attack because there's someone else lying in a pool of blood while we're in the middle of a shoot out?" You ask, getting angrier by the second as Soonyoung watches you with wide eyes. "What happens then, Officer Kwon?" You hiss out as you jab a finger into his chest, your fiery gaze hard on him. "Will you just leaving me hanging on the edge of death because you can't work through your issues? Or will you die in the line of duty because you were paralyzed?"
Silence envelops the shop at that, your chest heaving as you catch your breath from spitting out the words laced with venom, causing Soonyoung to pale even more under your stare. You take a deep breath before removing your finger pressed against his chest as you lean back into your seat. "Work through your issues on your own time, Riot." You bitterly bite out, taking the shop out of park. "If not, we're going to have a serious problem."
For the next two and a half hours, you and Soonyoung work together in silence, researching and documenting the information that Minghao needed before you and the rest could go knocking on doors. A knock on the briefing room door interrupts your silence. You peer up to see Minghao standing there, leaning against the doorframe. "How's everything?" He asks, making you shrug.
"No complaints here." You say a little curtly making Minghao's eyebrow raise, sensing your tone. He doesn't push though, not that you expect him to. He was always professional in front of your rookies, but you know that as soon as you guys get home today, he will definitely annoy you till you tell him what it was about.
You silently grimace at the thought before pushing it away. Minghao looks at the whiteboard you and Soonyoung set up with the information for the case, scanning it with a slight bit of pride in his eyes. "Ready to call in the team?" He asks, making you nod.
"Let's do it."
Less than twenty minutes later, you are seated on top of the briefing room tables (much to Minghao's distaste) in between Mingyu and Seokmin as your rookies sit on top of the tables, a few rows behind you with a couple dozen officers in between the rows. Minghao stands at the front with Vernon seated at a table by the whiteboard, while Seungcheol and Jun scan the whiteboard you and Soonyoung had filled in.
Seungcheol turns to look at you. "Alright, Nova, walk us through it." You give him a curt nod before standing up and ushering for Soonyoung to hand out the hard copy prints.
"On your hardcopy list, you will find one of the dozen targets that Officer Kwon and I have accessed using the records to figure out which one could be our sniper. It's shorter than our list from this morning but an even dozen is still a lot." You pick up a laser pointer from the side of the whiteboard before continuing, shining on the map shown at the side. "Officer Xu will be splitting you guys into four respective groups and each group will be dealing with a section of the map that Officer Kwon and I have narrowed down. We have reason to believe that our suspect is still armed and he isn't afraid of us, so thread carefully and never leave each other without backup."
You glance at Minghao, who gives you a curt nod before taking over as you go back to your seat. "Nova and her rookie have pulled their last known addresses from the database, their respective military missions where they served as well as any priors they may have had since being discharged from the army." Minghao grabs a list from the table before glancing around the room. "I'll be splitting you into your respective sections now so listen up."
He goes down the list, grouping people together until he reaches the last section. "Lastly, in Section D, we have Officer Kim, Officer Lee and Nova, with their rookies respectively." He says, glancing over at you and the two tall training officers. The three of you nod your head before Minghao addresses the room again.
"Sergeant Wen and his Vanguard unit will be securing a perimeter, if any of us need any help or our suspects try to run. Sergeant Choi and I will be stationed in the middle of the perimeter in a stakeout van just in case anything goes wrong." He takes a deep breath before raising an eyebrow. "Any questions?" The room was silent as Minghao scans the faces before clapping his hand. "Alright, let's get to it."
The room clears out, the different sections trailing out as Minghao turns to the three of you. "Would you like Officer Chwe as additional backup?"
You share a glance with the other two, calculating. "I guess it wouldn't hurt…" Seokmin starts as Mingyu raises an eyebrow.
"Will Choi allow you to just pass us your rookie?"
Minghao shrugs at Mingyu's question. "From Nova's list, it seems that your section has more of the dangerous targets. I don't think he would mind if I sent Chwe with you as an extra set of hands, plus," he glances towards his rookie who is still seated with the three of yours. "He won't learn a lot from me just sitting in the stake out van."
Minghao turns his attention back to the three of you. "So, what do you say?"
You quickly glance at Mingyu and Seokmin before nodding. "Sure, wouldn't hurt, just check with Sarge to see if that's okay, though." You stand up from the desk, stretching slightly. "Right, we're going to set up the shops, you should go ask Sarge now."
Minghao gives you guys a nod, turning to go find Seungcheol before Seokmin and Mingyu turn their gazes to you with a look on their face. You raise an eyebrow at both of them. "What?" You ask, getting a little uneasy at their hard stares.
"Are you sure about bringing your rookie with you after what happened today?" Seokmin carefully asks, making you blink at him in disbelief.
"Who told you?" You ask, pointedly as Mingyu looks away, a little sheepishly as the tip of his ears turned slightly pink.
Seokmin clears his throat as you shoot Mingyu a glare. "That's not the point, Nova." Seokmin says, turning you away from Mingyu and locks eyes with you, concern sparkling in them. "If you want to leave Kwon here because you feel like he isn't ready, I'm sure Sarge will understand that and let him work the front desk. Then you can take Chwe as your backup."
You stare at Seokmin, gnawing on your bottom lip as you consider his words. He is right. After the incident this afternoon, you have no reason to let Soonyoung out onto the street. Minghao probably wanted to assign Vernon under you for that exact reason — to look out for you and your rookie. You turn to look at Soonyoung who is seated with his back turned to you as he chats with the other three rookies. He smiles, almost adoringly as Chan and Seungkwan animatedly argue with each other about something as Vernon sits there, shaking his head in embarrassment.
You look at him for a beat too long before turning back to meet Seokmin's gaze. "I can't take the easy way out to train him, Sunshine." You say softly, your gaze hardening with determination. "I also can't spoonfeed him and just let him stay at the desk because it's going to get hard and he can't handle it." You shake your head. "That's not my style and that's not the training officer he needs. So," You take a breath before plastering on a determined smile, "I say he's going onto the field."
Seokmin stares at you, worry etched into his features as he glances over at Mingyu, who has a similar expression on his face. The two of them have a silence conversation before Seokmin sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Alright," he relents, shaking his head. "But you are to stay with me and Boo at your 8 and 9 O'clock at any given time." He raises an eyebrow, "Understood?"
You roll your eyes at his words. "What am I? Five?" You quip back, folding your arms. "I don't need babysitting."
Seokmin sighs at your stubbornness as Mingyu speaks up. "Your brother—"
"Step-brother." You interrupt, making him roll his eyes as he breezes past your comment.
"—has asked Seok and I to keep an eye on you and your rook out in the field. I know that you can handle yourself, Nova, but this assignment can go south at any moment. So, if anything happens, I don't want you playing 'Hero' with a backup who couldn't even handle it when he saw a dead body this morning."
Seokmin nods as he levels you with a sympathetic expression. "We're just looking out for you, Nova, just like you would look out for us." A small smile appears on his lips. "Plus, we can't have four musketeer movie night if we're missing a musketeer."
You let out a breath of a laugh making Seokmin smile wider before he grabs your hands, his expression softening to one of concern. "Just promise us, please?"
You glance between the two older men before sighing and nodding your head. "Fine," you mumble, "I promise."
Seokmin nods, satisfied with your promise, giving your hands a squeeze before Minghao walks back into the meeting room. "Rolling out in five!" He announces, clicking his tongue. "And Sarge gave the all clear for Chwe to join the three of you."
Seokmin gives him a nod. "He can ride with me then."
Minghao nods, thankful for Seokmin's initiative before calling out to Vernon. "You'll be riding with Officer Lee and his boot," Minghao says sternly. "Watch their six and don't do anything stupid." He warns, his gaze hard on Vernon who swallows nervously and nods. "Yes, Sir."
Minghao locks eyes with both Mingyu and Seokmin as they silently chat, making Seokmin hop out of his seat. "Right, let's go grab extra gear." He says to Mingyu, the taller man nodding as they call out to their rookies plus Vernon, before heading out of the glass briefing room.
Soonyoung makes his way to you when Minghao held up his hand, freezing Soonyoung in place. "I need a chat with your TO, Kwon."
Soonyoung pauses at that as you internally sigh, turning to look at your rookie. "Follow Officer Lee and Officer Kim, they will brief you on how to set up our shop properly." Soonyoung takes once last glance between you and Minghao before nodding. "Yes, Ma'am."
He jogs out of the room to catch up with the others, making you turn back to your step-brother who is already fixing you with a look that you're all too familiar with. "I'll be fine." You assure him before he can say anything as you roll your eyes. "God, you guys are acting like I haven't been doing this for like, ever."
Minghao rolls his eyes at your words. "I haven't even said anything, Pixie."
You scoff, folding your arms. "You didn't have to, Hao." You shoot back, raising an eyebrow at him. "Telling Seok and Gyu to look after me? C'mon, Hao, I thought you knew that I was better at discerning these things for myself."
"Of course I know that you can discern these things for yourself, Nova," He says. "Doesn't change the fact that you have a wildcard for a rookie, who has some trauma despite his amazing numbers, and that I'm not on the field to have your back today." He factually states, shaking his head. "Plus, you also tend to let your ego get the better of you in situations like this." Your gaze slightly hardens at his words as you feel a slight thud in your chest, his words piercing you like a knife.
He shakes his head, noticing the change in your expression. "It's not a bad thing, Nova, it happens to the best of us when we think we can handle something that we can't control." He sighs, his voice dropping lower. "It's happened to all of us, you can attest to that, you were there." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just need you to push your Nova-persona to the side for a second and question whether this is actually the right move, please."
Hearing his voice crack and the pleading tone laced in his words, makes your anger dissipate slightly. You know that he means well and he has a point. However, it doesn't change the fact that he thinks that your ego is clouding your judgment, though. You take a slow inhale, composing yourself and clearing your head before fixing your eyes on your older brother. "Hao, I'll be fine. Like I said, this isn't my first rodeo." You say, as gently as you could while still being serious. "As for Kwon, I'll handle it if things go wrong. I just need you to trust me, please."
Minghao stares at you for a few seconds before sighing out in exasperation. "Fine," He says, giving in, "But radio me the second something goes wrong." He fixes you with another hard gaze. "I don't care if someone else needs my help, I'll go to your section myself."
You resist the urge to roll your eyes at your older brothers words. You don't have enough time to get into another argument with him about how he is just supervising. So instead, you bite your tongue and (just) nod.
"Got it."
Minghao's eyes soften at your tense tone as he lets out a soft exhale. "Be safe." He says softly, his older brother persona shining through as he gives your hand a quick squeeze, before leaving the briefing room. You let out an uneasy exhale of a breath as everyone's words swarm in your mind.
You run through them for a few seconds, letting your guard down as everyone's worries highlight in your mind. You know it's risky, but you're Nova, if you didn't have that, you didn't have anything. You shake your head, slapping your cheeks a little. "Focus." You softly scold yourself. With a deep breath, you jog out of the room to meet up with Soonyoung who is already seated in shotgun. You slide into the shop, fastening your seatbelt as quickly as you can while Minghao calls for roll out, making you shift into drive.
"What did Officer Xu want?" Soonyoung ask, making you click your tongue. "Nothing that you should be concerned with." You answer briefly and curtly before casting a stern glance his way. "What you should be concerned with is whether you're ready to handle things later if shit hits the fan."
Soonyoung is silent as you fix him with a look as soon as you reach a red light. "Are you going to break down on me again?"
"No, Ma'am." He answers fast, almost a little too fast despite not sounding so sure of himself.
You nod, "Good." You focus your eyes on the road again, "Let's do this."
"Third house is clear." Mingyu says through the walkie which makes you signal to Soonyoung to cross the name off of the list. "Neighbours said that the family went on vacation to the Maldives on Monday and they'll be back next week."
"Must be nice having government pension money to bring your family to Maldives." You say into the radio earning a laugh from Seokmin and a scoff from Mingyu.
"Well, after doing around four tours for them, I bet you he got a raise in between." Mingyu states, making you smirk and shake your head at the small skit you guys are doing, looking over at Soonyoung.
"Who's next?"
He runs his finger down the list, landing on the fourth name. "Liam James," He reads out. "Lives just two streets from here. He did two tours in Iraq and Afghanistan before becoming a private contractor."
"To be honest, that just sounds like a fancy way of saying he became a hitman." Mingyu says over the radio making you snort.
"Let my rookie finish, please, Officer Kim."
"Sorry, sorry."
You gesture for Soonyoung to continue. "Some domestic priors with an ex-wife while he was still in the army but nothing since."
You nod. "Kwon and I will take first point this time."
Seokmin and Mingyu chirp a 'copy' over the radio as you shift the gear into drive and head two streets down, with them keeping watch at the edge of the street. You reach the house, giving it a once over before turning to Soonyoung. "Alright, what's the game plan, Boot?"
"We knock on the door and see if he's home."
You raise an eyebrow. "And if he isn't?"
Soonyoung's eyes flit between you and the house. "Then we look for probable cause. If we find one — like a gun for example, we radio it in to Officer Lee and Officer Kim."
You nod. "Good, let's go."
The two of you hop out of the shop, walking towards the front door of the house. It looks almost like a summer home, white fresh paint on the walls, white picket fence as well as a blue roof. It looks exactly like one of the houses that a seasoned veteran would spend their money on. You gesture towards the door. "Go on." Soonyoung nods and clears his throat before giving the door three firm knocks on the door.
"Liam James?" Soonyoung shouts towards the door. "LAPD, we have a few questions to ask you." The door opens and a tall man in his 40s appears, dressed in denim jeans, a plaid shirt with a bomber jacket on. He looks shiftily between to the two of you.
"What do you want?" He asks gruffly.
"LAPD, sir," Soonyoung starts, flashing his badge. "We'd just like to ask, where you were this morning around 11am?"
The older man looks between the two of you before huffing out a chuckle, making you raise an eyebrow. "That's an ominous question." Liam says, glancing suspiciously between the two of you as a wary smile appears on his face. "Why'd you need to know?"
"There was a sniper shooting this morning." You simply say, making Liam click his tongue in recognition.
"Ah, yeah, heard that on the 1pm news just now and because of my background, you guys came to see me." You nod, noticing him shift on his feet, a nervous tick that you silently take note of as he looks directly at your rookie.
"Your question actually has some irony to it because I was at the gun club just a few blocks from there."
Soonyoungs' eyes flit to you for a second, looking back at the suspicious man as you plaster on a small smile. "Lucky us then," You reply, your tone even. "Got any proof of that, Sir?"
Liam nods. "I think I have a receipt for some ammo and a new gun that I bought. Let me go in and get it."
You nod, stepping forward slightly, "Mind if we step inside, sir?" You say, your voice feigning cheerily. "It's really hot out today and we've been looking for this guy since this morning."
He looks between the two of you, his face unreadable. "I do actually," Liam says, closing the door a few more centimeters to prevent you from peering inside. "But, I'll be out in a second." He gives you one last smile before disappearing and closing the door behind him.
As soon as the door closes, Soonyoung whips around to you, his eyes wide. "I'm getting a vibe."
"Good," You curtly reply, your eyes narrowing at the door. "At least your instincts are working." His eye twitches a little, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at your tone and sarcasm. "His alibi is pretty solid though." You hum out, peering into his living room through the side windows.
Soonyoung nods at your words as he follows your gaze, scanning the living room with you. "Gives him a reason to be in the vicinity but his vibe is really off."
You hum at his words, the gears in your head turning as you pull out your walkie talkie. "Officer Kim? Officer Lee?" You say into the walkie.
There was some static but all you were met with was silence, making you frown, "Gyu? Seok?"
Still no reply.
"Er, Ma'am?" Soonyoung calls out to you, making you look over at him, your walkie talkie still in hand. Soonyoung peers into the house through the translucent and semi-opaque windows before pulling out his gun. You watch, your eyebrows furrowing before he gestures for you to look inside. Turning to where he gestured, you see a rifle propped up against the cabinet near the front door, making your eyes widen.
"That gives us probable cause, right?" Soonyoung whispers to you, which makes you nod, stashing your walkie and pulling out your own gun. "Should we call for backup?"
"Signal isn't going through." You say, your voice hard as your heart starts to race. You take a step back, gun still in hand as you scan the house before something glints on the top of the roof, catching your eye.
"Kwon," You call, getting Soonyoung's attention as you squint. "Is that what I think it is?" Soonyoung squints the sunlight out of his eyes as his gaze flits around the rooftop, before narrowing on the object on the roof.
"Yep," He confirms, visibly grimacing. "It's a signal jammer."
"Fuck." You curse, your blood pumping faster as you run through a million scenarios in your head.
On one hand, you knew that this guy was armed and dangerous, waiting for backup is the smart thing to do. Not to mention that you had promised your fellow TOs that you would wait for them if something goes wrong. Prior to hitting the streets, the three of you came up with a plan. As house visits were meant to be wrapped up fast, it shouldn't take more than ten minutes per house unless something goes awry. If it does go awry, the other two officers would rush down with their rookies to check whether everything is alright.
You glance at your watch. Seven minutes had passed. You calculate the probabilities in your head, before making a decision that you are sure is going to come back and bite you in the ass.
"Here's the plan." You tell Soonyoung sternly. "According to the plan, Lee and Kim will come in three minutes but by how calculated this guy is, he might disappear the second they get here and we can't afford to lose him due to his backup plans upon backup plans." You point out, running through the points. "So, we take the probable cause and we start the timer for three minutes. No matter what happens, we stall." Your eyes flit between Soonyoungs'. "Understood?" He visibly swallows before nodding. You give him a curt nod as you hold up your gun higher and use your free hand to open the door.
Stepping into Liam's house, you peer at the rifle before gazing into the living room, the first room of the house. "I told you to wait outside." Liam says, his tone serious and angry as you step forward, meeting him halfway in the middle of his living room, your gun pointing straight at his chest.
"Sir." You say, your voice low as you noticed his hands wedged into his pocket. "I'm going to need you to show us your hands."
Liam lets out a chuckle in disbelief, "This is a mistake." He spits out, looking between you and Soonyoung, "I have the receipt for the stuff right here." He holds out the piece of paper towards you as you take a step back, making his arm falter.
"And we will get to that sir. But right now, my training officer has asked you to show us your hands."
Liam's eyes flit between you and Soonyoung before he lets out an exhale of disappointment, shaking his head. "You really don't want me to do that," He warns the two of you, making your eyes narrow.
"We'll be the judge of that." You narrow your gaze, aiming your gun at his shoulder. "I'm only going to say this one last time," You say, your voice even as you enunciate each word. "Show. Us. Your. Hands."
Liam chuckles lowly before his face twists into something more menacing as he shrugs. "Fine," he barks out. "But you asked for this."
Everything happens in a split second.
Before you can even react, Liam pulls out a pistol from his pocket which makes your eyes widen. "GET DOWN!" You yell at Soonyoung, diving behind the coffee table as Liam pelts bullets into both your directions. Your eyes close tightly on instinct, placing your hands above your face to shield it from the concrete wall shavings and wood splinters flying your way. The clicks of the gun trigger fades down the hallway but the shots continue, making your blood rush as you feel the adrenaline coursing through your veins.
You peer above the coffee table, scanning the room till you notice Liam standing behind the connecting wall of the living room and the kitchen, making you scowl as you fire a few shots at said wall, missing him by a few millimeters. You continue to fire and duck before looking to your left to see Soonyoung on the floor, cowering behind the display cabinet near the front door.
Soonyoung whose gun is near his thighs, not a single bullet fired as he peers from behind the cabinet every few seconds while his hands shake uncontrollably as he looks as paralyzed as he was this afternoon. His chest heaves, making you curse under your breath as Mingyu and Seokmin's words flash in your mind. Their concerns had come true at this very instance.
"OFFICER KWON!" You yell out over the shots, making him look directly into your eyes as you pelt a few more bullets into the wall. "IF YOU DO NOT FUCKING GET UP AND ENGAGE THE SUSPECT—" You pelt a few more bullets up at the suspect, letting the threat fall on his ears as you duck down and meet his gaze again, hard. "GET THE FUCK UP, KWON SOONYOUNG!"
Soonyoung continues to blankly stare at you as you reload your gun with your spare clip, watching from the corner of your eye as Liam moves even further towards the backdoor. Your blood runs cold as panic ensues.
If he gets to the back door, it's game over.
You faintly hear Mingyu and Seokmin's shops in the distance as they race down the road. The sirens should've placated your adrenaline rush, but all you could focus on, is the man moving closer and closer to his exit. Without a second thought, you lunge over the coffee table and run to the connecting wall that you were pelting bullets into, just a few minutes ago.
Your heart races as you duck behind any surface you can as Liam continues his assault of bullets, one of them grazing your shoulder and causing you to flinch in pain as you feel the sting and burn it leaves behind. You grit your teeth, continuing to run and duck as you reach the connecting wall, slamming your back hard against it as you try to catch your breath. The assault of bullets cease, making you peer around the wall to catch a glimpse of Liam reloading his gun as he makes a break for the kitchen counter. Your eyes narrow as you fire a few rounds at him, cursing as he manages to evade them. He ducks behind the kitchen counter, his escape route through the backdoor almost clear, making your heart pound in your ears. Liam fires a few shots back at you without looking up, making you crouch even further behind the wall to check your clip.
Two bullets left.
"Fuck my life." You mutter lowly. "Liam! It's going to be really bad for you in about thirty seconds." You shout, hearing him scuffle behind the kitchen counter.
"You're going to have more cops out there than you can handle." You shout, wincing as you feel a spike of pain from the bullet graze, your adrenaline waning as your heart rate starts to slow down. "You'll have an easier time with the DA if you surrender now because if you kill an officer, you'll never see outside of the four gray walls ever again." You reason, trying to get him to relent.
"Shut up you bitch!" Liam yells before firing a few more rounds as you making you shelter yourself behind the wall. "I rather die than go to prison."
You click your tongue, "I don't know about that, Liam!" You say calmly, trying to push him to talk more. "If you shoot me, my rookie will have to put a bullet between your eyes. I'll be pissed off and have to take a few weeks to recover but you?" You chuckle lowly. "Will never see the light of day again."
You hear him bark out a laugh, "You mean the guy who hasn't fired a single bullet at me?" You tune into the sound of his voice as you slowly round the wall and walk towards the counter as quietly as you can as he continues with a scoff. "Yeah, right, sweetheart." You grimace at the pet name, feeling your blood boil slightly at it. "I bet he's cowering behind the display shelf isn't he? What a rookie you raised." He chuckles mockingly, as you reach the counter before jumping over it and pointing your gun dead center between his brows, making his eyes light up with shock as he stares at you.
"It's his first day." You shrug,nonchalantly as you keep your hand still, never wavering, "But it'll be your last, the second you reach for the gun again." You harden your gaze on him. "Drop it." You say calmly, your tone even and hard. Liam's gaze switches between meeting yours, eyeing the gun in your hand and his that is pointing towards the floor.
There's silence for a beat before he sighs and throws the gun to the side, raising his hands in surrender as he give you a condescending smile. "Alright, sweetheart," He says,"You're smart, I'll give you that." You narrow your gaze before his eyes widen like a madman, "But not smart enough."
Before you could even think, he swipes his feet under yours, knocking you off your feet and the air in your lungs as you choke on your shock and saliva. Liam quickly jumps to his feet as he whistles lowly and steps his boot onto your wrist, crushing it as you let out a yell of pain.
He gives you a sick smile as he picks up the gun from your hand with no push back and crushes your wrist harder under his boot making you gasp from the pain. Liam cocks his head to the side, in mock sympathy. "Poor you," he coos out, his voice laced with fake honey, "This is what happens when they put women in command, sweetheart." He chuckles lowly, shaking his head. "You ladies all think that you're smarter and better than us but working in the government is a man's job, darling."
You grit your teeth at his words as he applies even more pressure on your wrist and leans in closer, leveling the gun with your face. "Such a shame that I have to kill you." He clicks his tongue, "You really do have a pretty face." His smile widens as your blood runs cold.
This is it.
You had let your ego get in the way and you were never going to see your friends or Minghao again. You brace for impact, closing your eyes as you hear him cock the gun before hearing a shot.
The gunshot rings loudly in your ears as you feel the pressure on your wrist immediately fade. Muffled voices come from behind you before Minghao appears by your side, his eyes wide with concern as his mouth moves too fast for you to catch what he is saying while he sheathes his gun back into his holder.
"Pixie." He breaths out, his voice getting clearer and clearer as each second passes. "Chwe!" He yells, almost out of breath. "Request for an RA and an ambulance now!"
You hear a thousand different dialogues going on as Minghao gets you to try and focus on him. "Suspect in custody, requesting for an RA and ambulance to our location, over." You hear Vernon briskly say as Minghao accesses you for damage as he mutters on about how stupid you are. He freezes, seeing your shoulder and grimaces at the amount of blood there was, seeping through your uniform.
"Nova!" You hear Mingyu and Seokmin's footsteps before you see them, as they crouch in front of you, just behind Minghao who's still holding your face between his hands as his eyes flit around your face.
"I can't tell if she has a concussion." Minghao says, his voice cracking slightly. "Pixie, can you hear me?" You blink, feeling your body start to crash from the adrenaline as your head starts to unfog, watching Seokmin chew on his bottom lip.
"I think she's in shock, Hao." He says before Mingyu gets your attention.
"Blink twice if you can hear us, Nova." Mingyu says, concern lacing his voice as you respond by blinking twice along with a shaky exhale.
"I'm—" You manage to choke out, feeling all your senses returning as your body aches and your wrist throbs, "I'm okay." You breathe out, causing Minghao to let out a shaky exhale before he pulls you straight into his chest. Your head collides into his shoulder as he chokes back a sob, making your heart clench as he squeezes you tighter into him, not caring who is watching. "Hao…" You slowly say as you run a hand soothingly down his back as you meet Mingyu and Seokmin's eyes which are swirling with relief.
"Fuck you, Pixie." He spits out into your shoulder, "I thought you were gone." Your heart clenches a little more as you slowly push yourself out of his embrace to look him in the eyes.
"Hao," you say gently, coaxing the boy to lock eyes with you. "Look at me." He looks at you and your chest drops at how broken and empty his eyes look. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that." You whisper out as you try for a small smile. "But I'm okay, you saved me." You let out a shaky breath, teething on the edge of sobbing as the shock hits you fully. "Thank you for saving me."
Minghao gnaws on his bottom lip as you let a few tears fall, sobbing slightly making him pull you back into his chest as he runs a hand through your hair. "I'm here." He says quietly, gently kissing your hair as you soak his uniform. "You're safe."
Minghao doesn't leave your side once, even as you're getting patched up for the bullet graze as the paramedics check you for any other injuries, clearing you from all signs of a concussion. "You're very lucky." The paramedic tells you, eyeing you as she cleans the bullet graze. "A couple more centimeters to the left and it would've hit you in the neck."
You felt lucky.
You knew that if Minghao and the rest were even a second later, you would've died. Minghao's hand holds yours as they check your wrist before placing it in a small brace, ruling it as a bad sprain that would heal in a few days. You thank them, looking at your brother as he fills you in.
Seokmin and Mingyu requested backup the second they heard the gun, but due to the shots getting fired, they had no clear way to enter.
Minghao, who was in the stakeout truck, immediately rushed over without a second thought. They formed a quick plan for Seokmin, Mingyu and their respective rookies to secure the back of the house just in case the suspect ran. Minghao and Vernon took the front, waiting for the right time to enter. But the moment Minghao heard your scream, he lost all sense of the entire plan, running inside and firing into Liam's shoulder.
Minghao stays quiet for a beat after finishing his retelling, making you take a few sips of water from a plastic bottle that Minghao got from his shop. "Slowly." He chastises as you gulp down, not noticing how dehydrated you are. "You're going to choke." You resist the urge to roll your eyes, knowing that Minghao is doting on you because you nearly died in front of him.
After you get patched up, Minghao insists on driving the shop back to the station for debrief. "Don't we need to get Kwon?" You ask, slipping into shotgun as Minghao scowls.
"I asked Mingyu and Seokmin to take him back to the station." He levels you with a gaze before starting up the car as you slump into the seat.
"You're going to wash him out, right?" Minghao asks after a few beats of silence. "You kind of have to at this point."
You chew your bottom lip, "I don't know, Hao." You softly say, making Minghao let out a scoff of disbelief.
"You're kidding, Pixie." He says, his tone incredulous. "You've washed out rookies for less!" He bites out, his voice getting louder and louder with each word as they're laced with more and more venom.
"It's not that simple, Hao." You shoot back, your voice low as Minghao snorts.
"Pixie, it's as simple as riding a fucking bike." He spits back, his fingers squeezing the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles start to turn white. "He's clearly going through a midlife crisis of becoming a cop. He was a fucking idol for godsake!" He laughs, not a single trace of humour in it as he rambles on. "He may have gotten good scores, Nova, but that doesn't change the fact that he almost let you die and didn't have your back." He briefly locks eyes with you through the rear-view mirror before looking back at the road. "I have your back if you need to wash him out so please, Nova." He lets out a quiet exhale, "Don't be a hero and try to train the impossible rookie."
You let silence envelop the shop as you take in Minghao's words. He is right. You had washed out rookies for less and over smaller mistakes. This situation is different though. The consequences of you washing out this rookie are different.
Kwon Soonyoung has a tie to your career that either means you keep getting to do what you love or risk loosing it all because he was not prepared. If you'd place both options on a scale, you honestly wouldn't know where it titled to more. Lady luck is not on your side either way.
"Pixie." Minghao breathes out, shaking you out of your thoughts. "What are you keeping from me?" He asks, his low voice making your heart clench slightly.
You could tell him.
Keeping it from him even for just the past shift was already making his perception of you change. You don't know how to tell him that Soonyoung needs to pass by any means necessary in order for you to keep this job. You live and breathe this job and no one knows that better than him. But you also know that he would force you to take all the easy calls, or that he would fight tooth and nail to get the rookie transferred to him because there is no consequences for him, and you simply can't let that happen.
"I'm not hiding anything, Hao." You say, your voice calmer than you thought it would be as you gaze out the window, the streets of Los Angeles whizzing by as you refuse to meet his eyes. "Can we please, just get back to the station for debrief?"
Minghao lets out a sigh, sounding like he wants to argue but nothing comes as he continues driving. You spend the rest of the way back in silence as you try not to let your exhaustion get the better of you and fall asleep in the shop, opting to just crash in your bed later after getting a cup of hot chamomile tea and a shower.
You and Minghao hop out of the shop and go straight to the meeting room where you are met with Seungcheol's stern gaze as he stands at the front door of the meeting room. You feel uneasy as he accesses you from top to bottom, an unreadable expression on his face with his arms crossed.
You tiredly brace for impact as he meets your gaze. "Glad to see you're alive." Seungcheol says, his voice even, "I also see that your rookie came back earlier without you." You swallow, opening your mouth to respond when Minghao beats you to it.
"I told Kwon to ride with Kim back to the station." His tone eerily even as he takes a quick sharp glance at you. "I needed Nova to debrief me in the car so I drove the shop back and we took the scenic route to have more time."
Seungcheol looks between the two of you before sighing and shaking his head, "I expect your reports on my desk before the end of shift." He relents, walking into the briefing room as you trail in after him with Minghao behind you.
You meet Soonyoung's gaze as soon as you walk through the door and notice the way his face pales as he immediately breaks eye contact and fiddles with his fingers. His face is filled with regret that makes your blood boil at the thought of him cowering behind the desk. Clenching your fist, you take your seat between Mingyu and Seokmin who share an uneasy glance at the obvious growing tension between you and Minghao.
The debrief goes quickly. You opt to stay quiet for most of it, only filling in the parts you need to before the shift ends. You stand up and walk out of the meeting room when Seungcheol's voice stops you as he calls Soonyoung, a tense tone in his voice.
You opt to stay quiet for most of it and only filling in the parts you needed to before the shift ends. You stand up and walk out of the meeting room when Seungcheol's voice stops you as he calls Soonyoung, a tense tone in his voice. You watch from the outside as Seungcheol slowly walks over to your rookie, his gaze hard with his arms crossed.
"I hear you left your training officer to fend for herself." Seungcheol says, his voice low. If looks could kill, Soonyoung would probably be six-feet under with how intensely he looks at him.
Soonyoung swallows, "Sir, I—" Seungcheol holds up a hand, interrupting Soonyoung before he could start rambling.
"Save it," Seungcheol hisses out. "I don't need your explanations or excuses, Officer Kwon. I will know all the reasons as soon as your TO gives me the report later." He steps closer to Soonyoung. "And if she writes something just a little out of place," He quietly threatens. "You're done, Officer Kwon."
Soonyoung nods grimly before Seungcheol shoos him away, making him walk out of the room, his head hung low before he almost runs into you with your arms crossed and an unreadable look on your face.
The two of you stare at each other for a beat before Soonyoung clears his throat, "Ma'am." He starts, his voice soft as he takes a deep breath. "I just wanted to say that whatever you write in the report, I take full responsibility." You don't respond, opting to let him continue. "I know I let you down today. You gave me a shot and I screwed it up." Soonyoung locks eyes with you, "But if by some grace of some God out there that I make it through till tomorrow. I promise you that I'll be the best rookie that you ever have."
You let his words fall into the silence surrounding the two of you, letting it sit there as you let the guilt in his heart stew a little longer. "I'm not going to fire you, Officer Kwon."
His eyes widen at that. "What?" He sputters out, not doing anything to mask his shock.
"Don't get me wrong, Kwon." You say, your voice tense and low, "I should be firing you for the stunt that you pulled off today. Whatever you did and didn't do at the sniper's house just proves to me that you are a liability to the department and to me." You shake your head as you let out a bitter chuckle before narrowing your gaze on him. "But I want you to admit it to yourself."
Soonyoung hesitates as you take a step closer towards him. "You're going to walk in here tomorrow and quit because you won't be able to get any sleep tonight." You tell him, your voice low, "Because the events of today will haunt you and eat away at you until you have no choice but to quit."
You take a few steps backwards, almost walking off when Soonyoung stops you.
"Why don't you just fire me then?" He says, his voice slightly bitter and low making your jaw clench.
"I'm trying to save you from the shame and ridicule, Officer Kwon." You bark out a curt laugh. "There is honour in resigning and realizing that you aren't up for this job. That this is just a walking mid-life crisis moment that will either get you or me killed." You spit out, walking closer to him before jabbing a finger into his chest. "Because if you get fired from this job, what's next, Kwon Soonyoung?"
You let the words sink in before shooting back more, "Go back to being an idol? Live a quiet life?" You spit out, venom lacing every word. "You will have nothing." You say, your tone hard and tense, before dropping your hand and shaking your head. "And haven't you been through enough of that for just one lifetime?"
Soonyoung doesn't reply you, opting to just stare at you with an unreadable expression on his face. "I figured." You mutter, taking a step back.
"Goodnight, Kwon Soonyoung." You curtly say, "It was nice to meet you." With those words, you turn on your heel and walk away, leaving Soonyoung by himself to deal with the aftermath of your words.
REPORT 2 OF 546 - THE FIREBALL OF SECOND CHANCES
You feel a migraine coming on as soon as you walk into the locker room, slightly later than you normally would. Everyone had given you funny looks on the way in and you can't blame them, you look like straight death.
You didn't get as much sleep as you thought you would last night. You had gone home and locked yourself in your room, barely saying a word to Minghao who didn't say anything to you either, not that you expected him to. During your arguments or disagreements, there are always a few days of silence and no interactions between the two of you. Having grown up in the same household for majority of your adolescent to teenage years, you both realized that the best way to deal with fights or disagreements was to give each other space until one was ready to talk without wanting to throw something at the other.
This decision was made because the last time you and Minghao had tried to solve a fight, only a couple of hours after you had it, a few cups had broke from the pillows thrown across the room at each other. Minghao was always the calmer one of the two of you, keeping himself in check with his meditation and tea, which meant he would normally be the first to calm down and talk to you.
However, this time around, you are sure that Minghao is adamant on not speaking to you until you come to him first. Minghao had a couple of old rules that he used to ground himself with. One of them being that if you'd lie to him and cause a fight, he wouldn't be the one to break the silence.
You sigh, opening your locker before a frown makes it way onto your lips as an old picture of you and Minghao taken during your rookie days blatantly stares back at you, making you nearly slam your head into the locker door. You hold off on that sentiment though, opting to freshen yourself up before putting on your uniform and walking out the door. You walk to your desk to gather some paper work when you hear someone clearing their throat beside you. You look to your right to see Seungcheol standing there with his arms crossed in-front of his chest.
"Got a second, Nova?" He asks making you nod as he gestures you to follow him into his office, closing the door behind him after you enter. You stand with your hands behind your back as he stands in-front of you and accesses you for a beat, his eyes flitting around your face. "Rough night?" He asks making your eyes widen slightly before you mask it almost immediately by shaking your head.
"No, sir." You state, making Seungcheol's eyebrow raise before he goes to sit at his desk.
"Take a seat Nova, I have a few questions about the report that you submitted last night." A small 'Oh' escapes your mouth before you can stop it, making Seungcheol look at you, his gaze hard. "Would that be an issue?"
You awkwardly clear your throat. "No sir." You say, trying to make your tone as even as possible as you take a seat. "By all means, please ask away."
Seungcheol stares at you for a few seconds before placing two reports in-front of you, one being yours and the other being Minghao's. "When I was reading yours and Officer Xu's report last night, I couldn't help but notice a couple of discrepancies between the two of you." He raises a hand slightly, "Now, don't get me wrong, officers do have different ways of doing the incident report but the main incidents are normally the same, the only discrepancies being just the way they write it. Overall, the gist of the report doesn't change." He uses both hands to point at the report summary that you and Minghao had written. "The two of you however," He starts, his tone serious. "Seem to have different opinions on what actually happened in the house."
You feel your mouth dry up as you stare at the two different report summaries, running through a million thoughts in your head. When you were writing your summary last night, you had opted to not mention anything about Soonyoung's second panic attack or him leaving you to fight for yourself and just wrote that you had tried a different approach to put yourself in harms way instead of him.
Minghao, on the other-hand, had written the truth and nothing but the truth. He had written about how Soonyoung didn't fire a single shot at the suspect and did nothing to stop the misogynistic words coming out of the suspects mouth and had opted to do nothing while you were getting hurt. You continue to stare at the reports, not knowing what to say. Seungcheol sighs in frustration, "Nova." He starts, his serious tone making you peer up at him sheepishly, meeting his unamused face. "Did you or did you not intentionally lie on your report?"
You chew your bottom lip, "I may have exaggerated the truth slightly?" Is all your brain can come up with, making Seungcheol sigh as he presses two fingers at the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.
"And why would you do that?" You keep quiet at that, making Seungcheol lock eyes with you as his jaw clenches slightly, "Well?" He asks, getting impatient which makes you sigh.
"Because if I had written that in the report, I would've been forced to wash him out." You mumble out, making Seungcheol's frown deepen even more.
"Instead you told him off last night outside the briefing room to try and get him to quit this morning." Seungcheol pieces together, making you nod. He stares at you in disbelief, leaving you to sputter out reassurances.
"On the bright side, I think he's coming to quit today and I need you to not stop him."
Seungcheol stares at you for a second longer before leaning back in his chair slightly. "Nova," He starts, a slight edge to his tone, stopping you in the middle of your ramble. "Did you purposely put yourself in danger so that you could get him to quit?"
Your eyes widen at Seungcheol's accusations. "What the hell?" You sputter out, unsure if you heard him right. "Are you seriously asking me if I risked my life to give Kwon Soonyoung a heart attack and get him to quit?" You ask, your tone strained as you give Seungcheol a once over in disbelief. "Do you really think I would do something like that?"
Seungcheol clicks his tongue as he eyes you carefully, as if he's calculating his words. "Given your explanation and how you risked everything yesterday after you promised both Officer Kim and Lee that you would call for backup, with you lying on your report, putting yourself in a situation when there were a hundred other ways to solve it given your training and adaptability…" Seungcheol trails off, shaking his head, "I don't know what to think, Nova. I've never seen you like this."
You feel your heart sink lower and lower into your stomach at every word that comes out of Seungcheol's mouth. He is right. You've never lied on a report, there were a hundred different ways you could have handled yesterday and you know because you ran through all the scenarios in your head. However, only one of them gave you the highest percentage of Kwon Soonyoung walking out and realizing that he wasn't cut out for this job.
You could've gone with Nova or yourself and you went with Nova.
"Sarge." You say after finding your voice and resolve, "My job is on the line." You say, your voice strained, bitterness lacing every word. "I've had to work twice as hard as any other officer here, Seungcheol." Your eyes locking with the older man, "I have to make sure that every report is written to expectation, that every case I take is flawless because that was just the hand that was handed to be because of my gender, Sarge."
You let out a bitter laugh. "But because I am ruthless when I have to be, that I take no bullshit and train the rookies after me to be the best of the best especially if they're girls, I get handed a shitty hand because my wash out rate is too high." You take a shaky inhale of a breath, feeling your chest tighten. "So, if Kwon Soonyoung walks in here with the intention to quit today, I beg of you to please let him." You say, your voice softer than it has been since you had entered the office. "I need this, Seungcheol, more than anything."
Seungcheol stares at you, his expression softening from what it was a few moments ago. His heart aches for you. Of course he knows that you had worked harder for than anyone else for this opportunity. It was evident when he had met you on that first day of the academy. You, bright-eyed, nudging Minghao at every single relic or clipping that was on the wall, ecstatic and not believing that you were finally here.
He remembers all the boys mocking you behind your back as they watched you that first day, how you were the only girl in the class which automatically put you at the bottom of the food chain without even giving you a chance. However, his favourite moment from that was how you proved all those boys wrong that very day in combat class. You had gone against every single one of those assholes and flipped them over as if they weighed nothing, effectively knocking out more than just the wind in their lungs and the smug smiles on their faces.
You had also effectively knocked out everyone's perspective of you, replacing it with the hard determination on your face as you looked around the room, an eyebrow raised as you wondered aloud who wanted to go next. He was so glad that he decided to take the assistant teaching role for that class because he hasn't seen something as amazing as that before then.
Now, as he stares at you, that memory at the back of his mind, he sees the same girl with the same quiet resolve. Except, now, it is slowly breaking before his eyes. The girl, who made everyone jump out of their skin at just the thought of her, was looking at him as if she was about to lose everything, just because of a bad dice roll that was handed to her.
There is only one right choice.
He calls out your name softly, grounding you slightly as you continue to stare at him as he studies you for a beat. "If he does step into my office to quit," Seungcheol lets out a slow exhale, "I will let him."
You feel your heart skip a beat at his words, your eyes widening as you open your mouth to thank him. He holds out a hand, stopping you.
"However, if he does not quit today, or any other day, I need you to promise me that you won't treat him as if he's some lost case, Nova." He says sternly, his eyes boring into yours with a fiery look in them, "Because if he's as stubborn as you, Nova, the minute you give the guy an expiration date, he will try his very best to prove to you that he's worth it which will lead to stupid and reckless decisions."
He glances down at the reports on the table before flitting his eyes back to yours. "And I think one case filled with stupid and reckless decisions during the first month of his probation is enough, don't you think?"
You swallow at the intensity of Seungcheol's words as you slowly nod, still digesting them slightly. Seungcheol gives you an unreadable look, "He had top scores at the academy for a reason, Nova. If you give him the proper training instead of throwing him into the deep end of your cases, he will definitely get over this mental block that is stopping you from turning him into the best rookie that you've ever trained."
He lowers his voice down to a whisper, "Remember what it was like to be in his shoes, Nova."
You feel your heart in your throat as you digest his words. Seungcheol looks out to the right of his office and whatever he sees makes one of his eyebrows raise making you blink at him, slightly confused.
"Looks like you have your work cut out for you, Nova." He says softly, his eyes never leaving the sight. You whip your head to the left, eyebrows furrowing at his words before your eyes widen at what's in front of you.
Because Kwon Soonyoung is standing there, grabbing the war bags and talking to the logistics people as if your ultimatum yesterday meant absolutely nothing to the man. He has a neutral expression on his face, wearing his rookie uniform as he taps his fingers against the desk, waiting for the rest of the equipment, and you feel your heart drop slightly.
"Well," Seungcheol says, getting your attention back to him as he takes the paperwork from you. "I'll help you and Xu adjust the inconsistencies in your reports." He glances up at you, his eyes glinting, a small smile on his face, "Get out there and make good on your promise."
You can't help but let yourself gawk at the man in front of you as he shoos you out of his office. "You're dismissed." He simply says, pushing you out and closing the door behind you as the blinds knock against the glass door.
You internally curse at the older man before turning to face your thirteenth reason why, who has just placed the body-cam over his uniform and turned it on as you taught him the day before. You storm up to him, the words already on your tongue before your mind could process them.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Kwon Soonyoung?"
Soonyoung turns and lock eyes with you, his expression unchanging even as you storm up to him, looking at him as if he should be anywhere but here.
"Ma'am." He greets, utterly ignoring your words from before as your eyes narrow on his.
"Don't 'Ma'am' me, Boot. Didn't I specifically tell you what would happen to you if you didn't turn in your papers?" You spit out, venom lacing every word.
"Then cut me." Soonyoung replies, without wasting a single beat, his answer resonating in your mind as his tone cut through your venomous one. He is filled with determination as he stares at you. You stare at him, pressing your tongue to the edge of your cheek as he levels you with his determined gaze, "I know you think I'm some privileged train wreck that sued his way into this department just because he wanted to play dress up, but I'm not." He says firmly.
"I'm here because I have to do this," He says, his voice never wavering, his expression not changing, "Because I can't live with myself if anyone else goes through the same thing that I have."
You stare at him, feeling your blood boil slightly as his selfless nature shines through his words. You bite the inside of your cheek, letting out a small groan as you look towards the older man, whose eyes you can feel, burning holes in the back of your head.
Seungcheol looks at you, his eyes glinting slightly and a small smile on his face before he shrugs his shoulders after you fix him with a silent glare. There's a debate happening inside you, your Nova persona fighting your true self, before you sigh internally and face your rookie. Letting yourself study him for a beat, you wonder if he just made this decision on a whim.
You internally curse when you realize how well-rested he looks compared to you, debating whether you did the right thing. Not that he knows that, of course. You pinch the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes, "Alright, Boot." You grit out through your teeth before you fix him with a hard expression, "If you're that committed to making me give you hell, I might as well make sure you can walk through fire."
You visibly see Soonyoung's posture relax as you narrow your eyes. "I just hope you aren't scared of getting burned." His eyes flit around your face before giving you a curt nod.
"If that's what it takes to get you to believe me," he starts, "I'll gladly take every fireball you throw my way."
You scoff at his words, watching a small smile appear on his face, his serious facade breaking slightly as you resist the urge to roll your eyes, "Go set up our shop then, Boot." You say, nudging your finger in the direction of the police lot, "Don't make me regret this."
He gives you a wider smile, the serious facade fading into something more him which made your heart crawl its way into your throat as you wonder what you had just signed yourself up for as he levels your gaze, "Yes, Ma'am."
REPORT 14 OF 546 - THE MOTOR POOL HIT
When Soonyoung had agreed to get through every fire filled obstacle you were determined to throw his way, he didn't actually think he would succeed. Whether it was by sheer dumb luck or some kind of determination, he would never know.
You had put him as the primary for every single call that the two of you took, meaning that he was the one making every decision and dealing with every single consequence. It had been smooth sailing so far, you actually giving him the chance to prove himself — although, you looked like you wanted to slam your head against the wall every time he made a mistake.
Again, whether it was by sheer dumb luck or some kind of grace by God himself, he made it through, with only a couple of parking misdemeanors, some minor drug cases and only one homicide case that was closed shut pretty fast with the help of Vernon and Minghao.
Yep, just typical two weeks as a police officer.
Truth be told, he had thought about quitting the second he had made his way into the apartment and collapsed, sprawled out face-down onto the couch. The events of the day kept replaying like an annoying b-list movie he couldn't get rid of.
Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you.
He shifts on the couch, closing his eyes as he took deep breaths like his therapist had told him.
Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you.
Deep breath in.
Three gunshots.
Deep breath out.
Dead body.
He feels his breathing start to quicken.
Panic attack.
He inhales a shaky breath.
Bursting through the door.
He exhales, lesser than he should've.
More gunshots.
He feels his heart start to pick up.
You on the floor.
He tries to stabilize his breathing as his body starts to shake.
The guy standing over you, gun in his hand.
He lets out a shaky breath, a sob on the tip of his tongue as it keeps replaying.
Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you. (Breathe in)
Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you. (Breathe out)
Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you. (Breathe in)
Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you. (Breath out)
He feels his body start to shut down as everything around him muffles, his brain deciding to take a different turn, changing to the day his hands were stained red as he presses his palms over his ears, hearing everything and nothing.
He doesn't know how long his spiral lasts for because when he snaps out of it, he is sitting on the floor instead of the couch, his knees tucked to his chest. Another development was that Jeonghan is there, clutching onto him like he is his lifeline as his eyes flit around Soonyoung's face, concern etched in them.
"Breathe, Hoshi." Jeonghan says, his voice cracking slightly as he notices the haze behind Soonyoung's eyes starting to fade. "I'm here." He voices out softly, running his hands up and down Soonyoung's arms.
Soonyoung takes in Jeonghan's appearance, noticing that he is still in his suit while his briefcase is beside him, looking as if it was tossed haphazardly. He had just come home, which meant that Soonyoung has been sitting here for nearly an hour, in his own spiral.
He feels Jeonghan get up and walk to the counter, but not before whispering to Soonyoung that he would be right back. A beat passes before he feels a tissue being dabbed around the corners of his eyes. Soonyoung was so in his head that he didn't realize his face was wet, his eyes swollen and he's been crying for the better part of his hour spiral.
The two sit in silence, the only noises breaking it being Soonyoung's sniffles and Jeonghan's small reassuring words of comfort that slowly ground him back to earth. Half an hour later, Soonyoung finds himself on their couch; fresh pizza and soft drinks on the table and Jeonghan by his side, flicking through Netflix, the two not saying a word to each other.
Soonyoung watches Jeonghan flick through the channels, a little confused as to why he hasn't said anything until it lands on one of their favourite shows. Jeonghan clicks on it before opening the pizza box and fishing a slice out onto their disposable plates and passing it to Soonyoung without missing a beat.
Soonyoung finds himself staring at the plate, outstretched in Jeonghan's hand as he gnaws at his bottom lip. Jeonghan click his tongue, making Soonyoung look up at the older man who has an eyebrow raised. "Take the plate, Hoshi," Jeonghan says, reading Soonyoung almost immediately as he orders him to take it with a deadpanned tone. "My arm's getting tired."
Soonyoung resists the urge to hesitate even more, noticing Jeonghan's expression and takes the plate with a soft 'thank you'. Jeonghan scoops a piece of pizza for himself as the movie plays softly in the background, white noise as Soonyoung chews slowly on his pizza.
He eyes Jeonghan, who has his gaze fixed on the television screen, concentrating on the scene playing out as if they hadn't seen the movie over a thousand times together and could recite it word for word ever since they were young.
"Staring is impolite, you know." Jeonghan states, his gaze unmoving from the screen as Soonyoung jumps slightly at his voice. Jeonghan takes a bite of his pizza as Soonyoung blurts out the first thing on his mind.
"You aren't going to ask?"
Jeonghan pauses mid-chew for five seconds, digesting his words before swallowing his food, turning to look at the blonde haired male with an unreadable expression on his face. "Are you going to tell me the truth if I do?" The dark haired male asks, setting the plate down onto his lap.
Soonyoung feels his heart rate pick up slightly, nervous at the expression on Jeonghan's face. Having grown up with Jeonghan, Soonyoung has gotten used to being able to read the older man whose habits hadn't changed one bit. However, Soonyoung forgets that Jeonghan also has one of the best poker faces known to mankind.
One of the most needed points to be a good lawyer.
He studies Jeonghan for a second more, prolonging the inevitable to see if Jeonghan would break his facade slightly. When it seems like the poker face has decided to prevail, Soonyoung sighs before giving in, spilling everything to him.
Jeonghan sits there, not interrupting once as Soonyoung recalls all the information from the day, his voice cracking and wavering every time he mentions something that he did wrong. He feels a sob in his throat as he remembers what happened when he got home, telling him about his spiral as well as Seoyeon.
When Soonyoung finishes, his throat aches for water, his lungs gasping slightly for air as he stares at his cold half-eaten pizza on his lap. The room is quiet, the only noises coming from the television as Soonyoung gnaws on the inside of his cheek, awaiting Jeonghan's response.
"Hoshi."
Soonyoung peers up at the older man slowly, the gentle tone of his voice paired with the nickname making Soonyoung's heart clench slightly. As soon as he locks eyes with the black haired man, his breath catches as he sees Jeonghan's eyes fill with tears.
"Hyung…" Soonyoung starts, speechless. Since they were young, he had only seen Jeonghan cry twice in his life. The day his pet rock went missing when he was seven — which they had found moments later underneath a pile of his clothes — and when Jeonghan had placed first during the bar exam.
Never did Soonyoung expect Jeonghan to cry about this.
"Why are you crying?" Soonyoung asks, placing the plate on the table as he scoots closer to Jeonghan, who cleans the stray tears with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.
"I'm sorry for not noticing how bad your panic attacks are," Jeonghan said, placing his own plate on the table before fully turning to face Soonyoung, "I should've pushed harder for you to start next week instead."
Soonyoung shakes his head immediately, "Stop that." Soonyoung chastised softly, "This isn't your fault, hyung. I needed to go and experience this today even though it fucking sucks like hell." He said, joking lightly, which makes Jeonghan let out a small watery laugh.
Soonyoung softens slightly, "I needed to do this, hyung, and honestly, no matter if I went this week or next week, the outcome would've been the same." He says, taking a shaky inhale, "I didn't think of how badly that night would affect me out on the street today."
They stay silent for a few moments, slowly digesting the different words said before Soonyoung sighs. "I need to find a way to get over that night."
"I think…" Jeonghan starts, hesitating slightly as his tongue darts out to swipe over his lip, "You need to forgive yourself first for what happened that night."
Soonyoung feels his heart lurch and the breath getting knocked out of his lungs at Jeonghan's words.
"It wasn't your fault, Hoshi." Jeonghan says gently, observing how Soonyoung had stilled. "You being twenty minutes late for that meetup had nothing to do with her death."
"But I could've stopped the guy." Soonyoung mutters out, making Jeonghan shake his head.
"Or you could've died."
"But-"
"No." Jeonghan interrupts sternly, effectively shutting the younger man up. "Hoshi, you need to stop blaming yourself for the things that you can't control. So what if you were twenty minutes late that day, it wouldn't have stopped the person from executing their plan and killing her."
His voice softens, "No matter how much we try to theorize how it would go, we can't know, Hoshi, and it really fucking sucks that we can't, but the important thing is that what we do after that." Jeonghan shifts on the couch, staring dead into Soonyoung's eyes before lifting up a finger. "Do we let the 'what ifs' stunt our growth or," He lifts up a second finger, "do we turn those 'what ifs' into new things for us to do, for us to continue to live for her?"
Soonyoung feels his throat slowly close up at the words of his oldest friend, them sinking in harder that he thought they would. "We can't change the past, Hoshi." Jeonghan says softly, dropping his hands onto his lap, "but we can damn well make something of the present that will impact the future."
Soonyoung stares at Jeonghan, "No wonder you became a hot-shot lawyer," Soonyoung finds himself blurting out before his mind has a chance to catch up. Jeonghan blinks at the man, his eyes slightly wide in surprise before he lets out a snort.
"Only you would think to say that after the amazing speech I gave." Jeonghan says, shaking his head as he scoots backwards, away from Soonyoung.
"That last line was really cheesy man, even you gotta admit that."
"Fuck you," Jeonghan says, with no actual malice as Soonyoung lets out a snicker, "Last time I ever give you advice."
Soonyoung teasingly hums at that. "I don't think so… you love me too much to ever stop giving your old grandfatherly wisdom."
Soonyoung feels the pillow collide with his face before he could even see Jeonghan reach for it. Soonyoung sputters for a second, his back hitting the couch as Jeonghan laughs, a smirk on his face. "How's that for grandfatherly wisdom?"
Soonyoung rolls his eyes at the older mans antics, about to retort when Jeonghan asks, "So, what about the ultimatum?"
Soonyoung blinks at the man, his mouth suddenly drying up, "I don't know." Soonyoung answers honestly, "Maybe I'm not as cut out for the job as I think."
Jeonghan shakes his head at that, "That's bullshit, Hosh." Jeonghan says, his tone slightly deadpanned. Soonyoung shakes his head, about to retort but Jeonghan interrupts him once again. "Ignoring the fact that I haven't seen you this passionate about something in a long time, the fact that you were worried about it and that you keep thinking about it proves that you are cut out for this, Hoshi. If you didn't want it this much, you wouldn't have even tried as hard as you did today." Jeonghan's eyes glinted with a fiery glaze, "And that counts for something." He finishes firmly, making Soonyoung gnaw on the inside of his cheek.
"If you call it quits now, you're also proving this Nova lady or whatever right." Jeonghan narrows his eyes slightly at Soonyoung, "And I know you won't just let her psych you out into quitting, you're way too stubborn for that."
Soonyoung scoffs, Jeonghan's words rolling about in his brain, making him take a step back and access the whole situation. "You're right." Soonyoung softly breaths out, "I need to do this."
Jeonghan lets a small soft smile appear on his lips, "Atta boy." Jeonghan whispers out, resting his hand on Soonyoung's shoulder.
"Thank you." Soonyoung says, his voice barely above a whisper, "For reminding me."
Jeonghan shrugs, "No worries." He hesitates for a second, a mischievous ghost of a smile on his lips, making Soonyoung raise an eyebrow, "If you really want to say 'thank you' though," Jeonghan clicks his tongue. "I accept cash and credit."
Soonyoung scoffs again before launching the forgotten pillow into Jeonghan's face, making the older man yelp in surprise as his back hits the edge of the couch, causing the boy to nearly fall off it. Soonyoung laughs. "Watch out, tiger boy," Jeonghan mutters out before bashing his friend in the head with another pillow.
"Officer Kwon." Soonyoung snaps out of it when a snap appears in front of his face, clicking at him impatiently and making him look up to lock eyes with the watch commander.
"In another world, aren't you, Officer Kwon?" Seungcheol asks, his eyebrow raised as he locks eyes with Soonyoung, making some of the P2 officers snicker. Soonyoung clears his throat, "No, sir." He says, feeling a flush rise up from the back of his neck, "Was just thinking about how wonderful you look this morning."
Seungcheol's eyes narrow at his words, twitching slightly which makes Soonyoung give him an awkward smile. Seungcheol sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Soonyoung takes the opportunity to glance at you and the other training officers. Mingyu and Seokmin are sitting side-by-side, giggling under the palms of their hands. Minghao has a small smirk on his face while you look like you are planning his funeral.
Upon meeting your eyes, glinting with that fiery spirit of yours, Soonyoung opts to stare back at the front and wait for Seungcheol to bite his head off instead. Anything was better than meeting that medusa gaze of yours. He internally shudders at the thought.
"Glad seeing me makes your morning, Officer Kwon." Seungcheol finally deadpans. "I can't give you the same sentiment though for being a major pain in my ass for the amount of paperwork on my desk because of your little incident last week."
Soonyoung winces, remembering the incident before the pictures appear on the screen in front for the whole briefing room to see.
"Not one, not two, but three totaled police shops in a span of a week." Seungcheol announces, clicking through the different photos where Soonyoung had driven into a storefront, a hydrant, and off the side of a building respectively.
"In my defense, sir," Soonyoung starts sheepishly, pointing to the last photo where the shop had landed at the bottom of a 10-foot tall building, "Officer Nova and I didn't see the ambush coming during our stakeout."
"And the person who created the word, rolls happily in their grave."
Soonyoung hears Seungkwan and Chan let out a quiet snicker beside him, making him internally sigh as he resists the urge to glare at them while Sergeant Choi continues to glare at him. He can also hear Mingyu let out a laugh before covering it with a cough as he hears you sigh, no doubt with your eyes closed as you grimace at the rookie. A look that Soonyoung has seen one too many times during the two weeks of being your rookie.
"The motor pool have decided to put a hit on you if you destroy the next one that they're giving to you today." Seungcheol states, turning the presentation off and giving Soonyoung a stern look, "And their punishment is going to be worse than whatever you're conjuring up in your head at the moment."
Soonyoung gives Seungcheol another sheepish smile before murmuring out. "Understood, sir."
Seungcheol stares at Soonyoung for another beat before walking back to the stand in the middle of the room. "Alright," Seungcheol says, clapping his hands together. "Do some good work out there."
A few murmurs fill the room before the scrapping of chairs ring out as everyone moves out of the room. Soonyoung takes a shaky inhale before standing up and turning to face you, already behind his chair with your arms crossed, making him jump.
"Jesus." Soonyoung gasps, placing his hand on his chest as you raise an eyebrow at him, a ghost of a smirk on your face. "How did you get here?"
"I walked, Riot." You say, your eyes glinting slightly with amusement. "Something that you would need to start doing if you wreck the new shop today."
"Which won't happen." Soonyoung chirps out, more confident than what you are used to, making you roll your eyes.
"And you wonder why your nickname is still Riot." You deadpan out before walking out of the briefing room. "Shop ready in 5, Officer Kwon." You call out, raising your hand, all five fingers pointing upwards. "I need to start with a cup of oolong tea if you decide to Mission Impossible our car again."
"Thank you for the vote of confidence." Soonyoung mutters to himself before scurrying out of the briefing room to get the war bags.
You decided to let Soonyoung drive as sort of a peace offering after the first two days of hell training you had put him through. You were always the one with your hands on the wheels but after a few talks with Mingyu and Seokmin about easing off of him a little, you decided to change your tactics slightly.
Unconventional rookie means unconventional approaches, right?
Which is why during the start of the second week, to switch it up, you let him drive for the whole week — which lead to the mess of the second week.
Given the track record, Soonyoung expected you to take the wheel again after the disastrous week he had behind the wheel. Which is exactly why his expression right now is comparable to a fish out of water as he sees you slide into shotgun with your fresh cup of pipping hot oolong tea.
Seungkwan, who was walking past with his own war bags in hand, stops by Soonyoung's side. "You're going to catch flies." He states, almost monotonous but with an edge of amusement that makes Soonyoung snap his mouth shut. "What's with the face?"
"She's sitting in shotgun." Soonyoung simply states, before scurrying to the drivers seat as you meet his gaze through the side-view mirror, eyebrows raised as if to ask, 'What are you waiting for' or 'Get the fuck in before I plan your funeral'. He hopes it's the former and not the latter because you're still hard to read.
Seungkwan looks over at you in shotgun where you meet his eye, your medusa gaze making him pale as Vernon and Chan walk up to his side.
"Why do you look like a ghost?" Vernon asks, eyeing his best friend up and down as he watches Seungkwan swallow uneasily.
"Just got reminded of why she's medusa is all."
Soonyoung hears Chan's snort before climbing into the vehicle which blocks out the remainder of their conversation.
"Having fun?" You snark out, taking a sip of the tea in your hand.
"No, just thinking of whether you have nine lives since you're letting me drive again." Soonyoung states, his mouth moving before his brain even has a chance to process what he is saying.
You pause mid-sip to meet his eyes, narrowing slightly, "Are you comparing me to a cat, Officer Kwon?" You ask, your voice low and dangerous. Soonyoung curses internally, shaking his head quickly.
"Maybe more of a panther instead of a cat, Ma'am." Soonyoung says, once again without thinking as he digs himself further into the metaphorical hole. He curses again. He really needs to stop doing that. He watches your eyes narrow even more, your lips pursed as he awaits for you to bite his head off.
"Boot."
Soonyoung hesitates. "Yeah?"
"I think you better start driving before you say something else that makes me push you out of the shop at max speed."
"… Yes Ma'am."
"A couple of misdemeanors before lunch can only mean one thing," Chan starts, taking a seat in between Soonyoung and Vernon, placing down his tray of food. "We're about to have the worst second shift."
Soonyoung visibly grimaces at Chan's words. "Now, why would you say the forbidden words?" Seungkwan hisses out at Chan, who looks like he is all but contemplating flinging his half-eaten bowl of caesar salad at the younger boy.
"If the second half of our shit sucks, it's all because of you," Vernon deadpans out, pointing his fork at the younger boy and causing Chan shrink slightly in his seat.
Soonyoung glances at Chan, "Have we not learned our lesson from the last time the forbidden words were said?"
The last time was referring to just a week ago when the ambush happened, which nearly caused the demise of himself and the academies best. If it wasn't for your quick thinking of climbing out through the back, switching places with the war bags to climb out of the boot, he would actually have been a pancake in a grave right about now.
"To be fair," Chan states as he glances at each of his fellow rookies, swallowing slightly at their expressions. "It wasn't like anything too bad happened." Soonyoung resists the urge to push Chan's face into his lunch as Seungkwan's eye twitches slightly and Vernon shakes his head before returning to his lunch, muttering under his breath.
On the other side of the seating area, Mingyu and Seokmin are having the time of their lives, teasing you for whatever had happened during roll call this morning. You try to resist the urge to shove their lunches in their faces.
The keyword being try.
Because a couple of seconds later, they are cleaning their faces with a few wet tissues that Seokmin grabbed from the counter after you decided to push both their heads into their lunches.
"That wasn't very nice." Mingyu whines out as he cleans the pasta sauce off of his face, making you snort.
"And constantly making fun of me and my rookie is?" You pointedly quip back, taking a bite of your lunch.
"We were just playing around." Mingyu says, his pout deepening, "You normally like our jokes."
"They just aren't funny today, Gyu." You snap back making Seokmin frown at you, as you didn't bother to meet their eyes. You peer upwards to see Minghao sitting alone, two tables over, his earbuds in as he eats his lunch, making you grimace more.
Seokmin and Mingyu share a look, understanding the reason for your mood immediately. "Well, I'm gonna bother your dear brother with my jokes if you aren't in the mood for them today." Mingyu says, picking up his tray rather abruptly. You frown, feeling guilty for snapping at the older man.
"I'm sorry." You say quietly, making Mingyu shake his head, a small sympathetic smile on his face.
"Don't be," He reassures quietly. "I'm just keeping him company."
You offer a small smile back before he leaves, walking to Minghao's table. He shoves Minghao hard, letting out a hearty laugh as Minghao scowls at the taller male and they start to bicker. You watch them fondly before looking towards Seokmin who grabs your hand and starts to trace circles on them with his thumb.
"You guys still haven't talked to each other, huh?" Seokmin asks, the question rhetorical seeing as how he already knows that from how far apart you and Minghao have been sitting at the morning briefings since that day.
However, you nod all the same, "Longest we've ever gone without speaking to each other." You whisper out, eyeing your older brother again. He seems to have gotten into an easy conversation with Mingyu. "Comparable with the time that I accidentally sold him out during our year at the academy."
Seokmin winces at that, remembering the 'Minghao Ice Out' as he and Mingyu referred it to when the two of you weren't around. It was the worst fight the two of you ever had. You had accidentally thrown Minghao under the bus for a mistake the two of you committed in the first month at the academy, causing the two of you to fail the given assignment.
You were brazen and left his side while he executed the wrong strategy compared to what the two of you had discussed beforehand. It was a mess and it ended up with both of you getting the worst punishments of your lives, leaving both of you fractured, in more ways than one.
That held the record for the most number of days that you and Minghao had no contact, which was 14 days. The two of you only talked through texts or through your best friends, who were getting sick of playing messenger at that point.
Who broke first? Mingyu and Seokmin did.
They locked the two of you in their kitchen and told you guys to fight it out and resolve it before they would even consider letting you two out. So, you and Minghao sat there for almost eight hours until you broke first, asking him if he was hungry. With full bellies and a lot of unspoken guilt, the two of you worked it out.
However, you doubt that it would happen again this time around, seeing as Minghao hasn't said a word to you nor does he wait for you to leave the house, taking night shifts sometimes to avoid you on your days off.
On the days that you both had the day off, he would leave the house early in the morning while you were out for your run or in the shower with his laptop and study materials for the detectives exam, opting to study at the library instead of at home just to avoid you.
You even tried to change it up a few times, just so that the two of you would end up in the house at the same time, but he always managed to maneuver your workarounds. Curse you for either being so predictable or curse Minghao for knowing your habits so well because of how observant he is.
The silence was driving you insane, but you were too stubbornly set in your way to not tell Minghao everything that was going on.
"I'm not going to force you to tell me what's going on with you, Nova." Seokmin says gently, continuing the circling on his thumb on your hand. "Nor are Mingyu and I going to force the two of you into a room to work it out, we aren't in our early twenties anymore where that would work." He jokes lightly, bringing a small smile to your face.
"But," Seokmin starts, locking eyes with you, concern etched in every part, "When you and Minghao had that fight ages ago, two weeks before your training officer exam, Minghao could see how worried you were and swallowed his ego just because he wanted you to be okay for the exam, despite whether or not it was his fault or yours."
You chew lightly on your bottom lip, remembering that fight. "His detectives exam is in two days, Nova, and whether you can see it or not, this fight is wearing him down as well." Seokmin admits, gesturing for you to look at Minghao.
You turn to look at him, like really look at him.
Minghao, whose hair was just a little more unkept. Minghao, who looks a little paler and skinnier, as if he had been skipping meals. Minghao, who you didn't realize had dark rings under his eyes, whose legs were shaking nonstop — which almost never happens because he has chastised you more than once for that bad habit.
Your heart sinks. Seokmin is right.
"He needs you, Nova." Seokmin whispers out, the two of you still looking at the man sitting next to Mingyu, who looks like they are having a deep conversation as well. "He feels guilty for yelling at you, but he only said all those things because he cares about you. You know at the bottom of your heart that it's not his fault. Not this time."
Seokmin glances at his watch before giving your hand a squeeze and letting go. "Think about it." He says gently before giving you a squeeze on your shoulder as he goes to round up his rookie. You stand up, clearing your trash before feeling a pair of eyes on you. You turn to see Minghao staring at you, his lips pursed as he eyes you up and down.
You study him for a beat before giving him a small, weak smile and a nod. Minghao's eyes widen, just a fraction before he gives you a small nod and walks away with Mingyu and their rookies behind them, leaving you feeling emptier than when you had started lunch.
"Ma'am?" Soonyoung queries, appearing by your side and making you push all your emotions to the side so you can compose yourself, turning to him with your faux determination.
"Let's roll out, Boot."
Soonyoung swears that you haven't been this quiet and deep in thought since his first two days on the job. After walking in and somehow, convincing you to let him stay, your personality had gone full Nova.
You were snarky, witty, and you were the definition of the medusa drill sergeant he's heard about during his early days at the academy with the other three rookies. So, when it takes a turn and you don't quip back at his dumb comments, he knows that something is wrong.
"Are you and Officer Xu fighting?" He finds himself asking as he takes a turn from downtown to a more neighborhood part of the city. He watches you freeze slightly — almost unnoticeable — before you compose yourself and narrow your gaze onto him.
"And that's your business because?"
Soonyoung bites his bottom lip, wondering if he should prod even further. But when he thinks about it, he's already asked the question and you haven't bitten his head off so maybe this ishis chance to prod even further.
"It's just that the two of you hadn't had lunch together or sat next to each other once in the last two weeks since… that day." He says, his voice a little soft, periodically glancing at you as to still keep his eyes on the road. "Vernon also asked me just now during lunch and he said that he brought it up with Xu but he just shot it down to just the two of you having differing opinions on something." Soonyoung glances at you again, a slightly longer one this time to find you deep in thought, digesting his words. "I was also wondering…" He starts, hesitating slightly as he purses his lips, "If the differing opinions was me?" He asks, his voice soft with an edge of guilt.
He awaits your response, fully expecting you to tell him to 'Shut the fuck up' or that it was 'None of his business' but instead you sigh, as if you were too tired for all those unpleasantries today.
"We're just having a disagreement on a personal matter, Boot." You simply state, opting to look out at the window to avoid Soonyoung's careful glances. "Nothing about you and nothing to concern yourself with."
Soonyoung bites his tongue, wondering if he should argue back. He decides against it, giving you a nod, even though you aren't looking at him.
"Yes, Ma'am." He states, giving you a full glance. "But, if you ever need someone to talk to about older siblings, I might have a few tidbits to share myself."
That has you glancing back at the blonde haired man, "You have siblings?" You ask, your eyebrow raised, making him nod.
"One older sister and a younger sister." He chirps out. He keeps a hand on the steering wheel as he uses his free one to pull out his personal phone from his side pocket, while his eyes are still on the road. He throws it at you, giving his password almost immediately, which makes you narrow your eyes at how trusting this guy is as he is urging you to go to his liked photos. Staring back at you is a picture of his family having a family dinner as Soonyoung holds onto a small brown Norwich Terrier.
"… Did you just call your dog your younger sister?" You ask, glancing towards the man as he nods furiously.
"Of course," He states, not noticing your bewildered expression. "Latte is a very beloved 'Kwon' family member if I do say so myself." He says, pride etched in his tone. "She also sits with us and eats with us every night."
"… You're talking about the dog…"
Soonyoung once again nods furiously despite the bewildered tone you are using.
"We also have fights!" Soonyoung provides, making your expression turn even more amused. "She barked at me the other day for not letting her eat the last of my galbi. She wouldn't come and cuddle me that whole day too." Soonyoung all but whines out with a small little pout on his face, recalling the memory from just over the weekend.
"She also eats my slippers sometimes." He adds, shaking his head at the thought, "We feed her so many nice things, yet she still chooses to eat my slippers."
The laugh you let out surprises not only Soonyoung, but yourself as you try to stifle it back to get your Nova Training Officer mode back. Soonyoung stares at you, wide eyed, as you try to hide your smile behind your palm, looking away from him. An expression unlike the ones he's usually the cause of which makes his heart skip a beat slightly as he realizes how pretty you actually look when you laugh.
He had noticed it before, he wasn't blind of course. But he was never the one who caused it. It was always brought out by either Mingyu or Seokmin, once even Jun. But somehow, hearing your laugh come after something stupid he said or did, just sounds a hundred times sweeter.
He smiles at you softly without even realizing it as you clear your throat, flushing a little under his new intense gaze. "You're quite the character, Officer Kwon." You say, clearing your throat again as you cough, trying not to smile as his words keep playing in your head. "A little weird if you ask me."
Soonyoung scoffs slightly, a small smirk on his face. "Weird enough to make you laugh," He teases lightly, making you roll your eyes.
"Because you said some stupid shit."
"Stupid shit that still made you laugh, Officer Medusa."
You roll your eyes, "Don't push it, Riot." You warn, hoping your voice has actual malice in it. He fully turns to you, a small, mischievous glint in his eyes. "Yes, Ma'am." He says, a small triumphant grin on his face. The expression makes you roll your eyes, about to chastise him, when a blur of movement appears from the corner of your eye.
Your eyes widen as you watch a person run in-front of the shop, "Look out!" You call out, urgency in your voice as Soonyoung fully steps down on the brakes, screeching slightly but not before hitting the person, cracking a little bit of the windscreen.
The two of you immediately slide out of the car and rush to the person's side to see a female in her early twenties lying on the ground.
"Ma'am!" Soonyoung calls out, his voice loud with panic as some passerbys try to take a peek of what's happening, "Are you alright?"
The girl, who looks like she's been crying, grips hard onto Soonyoung's arm as he tries to get her to sit upright to examine her.
You pull out your walkie immediately, "Control, this is 7-Adam-21, requesting an R.A for a female, early twenties, struck by a car. Sent to our location at," You pause, taking a look around before noticing a street sign, "15 Jameson Avenue."
There is some static before a small murmur of 'Copy' comes through, making you stash your walkie.
"Ma'am." Soonyoung calls out to you, his slightly strained tone making you look at him as he holds up her wrist, "She has duct tape on her wrist."
Your heart sinks as your eyes widen at the realization, seeing the gray wraps around her wrist, worn and a little strewn out, making the gears in your head move.
She has been abducted by someone.
Soonyoung peers back down at the crying girl, examining her. She has some cuts on her face, some dried blood on her hands and face, making his face turn into one of grimace as she begins to claw at his uniform.
"Please don't let him get to me!" She screams out through her sobs as she looks at Soonyoung with pleading eyes. "Please don't let him take me!" She wails out, "Please don't let him take me again!"
Soonyoung purses his lips, his eyes wide filled with concern, "Who?" He asks repeatedly as you feel your blood run cold as you eye her semi-bloodied and dirty clothes, your mouth getting dry as she keeps screaming intelligibly and saying a mixture of words at once.
Soonyoung internally curses at the sight, only one thought going through his mind.
Chan just had to say the words to make the second shift flip.
Even after being an officer for the past few years, you don't think you could ever get over the sounds of the BP monitors and the rushing of doctors around the room as you and Soonyoung rush the bed down the hallway to get her to a secure room.
The doctors soon took over as the girl kept clawing at Soonyoung's arm, not wanting to let him go as she kept wailing and screaming.
"Dilated pupils." One of the doctors calls out as the other nurse hooks her up to the heartbeat monitor.
You watch as Soonyoung tries his best to soothe the girl, who you can tell is in shock and heavily drugged, "Shh," he keeps whispering to her as he holds her hand that is gripped tightly to his. "It's okay, you're safe."
She keeps crying as you stand beside Soonyoung, not wanting to crowd her before she starts to mutter out some tangible words.
"Tara." She mutters out, her eyes slightly dazed yet focused on whatever is running through her head. "Tara."
You frown at her words, once was a coincidence but twice is a pattern.
"Who's Tara?" You whisper out to her, reaching for her free hand as she tries to steady her gaze on you. She mutters out the other girls name one more time, seemingly still out of it before the doctors turn to you and Soonyoung, her eyes wide and stern.
"You guys need to leave so we can treat her."
"What?" Soonyoung starts, opening his mouth to argue until you grab his wrist, squeezing it to say that it isn't the time as you notice the doctor's stern and alarmed gaze.
"Let's go, Boot." You mutter out to him, shooting him a small glance. He purses his lips, wrestling with the decision of whether to argue with you or not before deciding the latter and just gives you a small nod.
"You okay?" You ask him softly as he looks at the floor, each of his steps heavy with thoughts.
"No." He answers honestly, "I hope it doesn't get worse than this though."
You open your mouth to reassure him when you hear someone clear their throat in-front of the two of you. You and Soonyoung turn to see Seungcheol there with his arms crossed.
"Clearly you misinterpreted my words on the motor pools hit," Seungcheol says, standing in-front of Soonyoung, "Because hitting civilians was definitely the complete opposite of what I was advocating for with that presentation this morning."
"Sarge," You say, stepping between him and Soonyoung, your tone serious as he refocuses his gaze on you, "It wasn't Officer Kwon's fault." You defend, "She ran in front of our shop and Officer Kwon didn't have any time to react." You say softly, locking your fiery gaze with Seungcheol's stern one as you defended Soonyoung.
Seungcheol has an unreadable expression on his face, his mouth opening to retort when a familiar monotone voice interrupts him.
"Fourth shop in two weeks is definitely a record, Nova." You grimace as you turned to face Jun who is leaning against the hallway wall with a teasing smirk on his face, making you roll your eyes.
"Do I need to remind you that you currently have the record for most shops in the motor pool going to the crematory, Wen Junhui?"
He blinks in surprise before lifting his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright." He says, the teasing grin still on his face, "Don't go full Nova on me."
You resist the urge to roll your eyes at the older man as he stands beside Seungcheol. "What are you doing here anyways? Vanguard didn't have enough cases for you in New York?"
Jun has been away on a Vanguard Mission that was working with the FBI on, catching a Mafia Heiress, who has been on the run after her brother had run their family operation to the ground. He told you and the rest that he was going to be gone for the rest of the month, but that doesn't seem to be the case as he stands in front of you in the flesh.
Jun shrugs, "They relocated me back to LA for the time being because mystery heiress managed to avoid our trap and is back on the run. Sources say that she's turning up in LA so we hope that happens." He eyes you with a small glint, "Joshua also sends his regards by the way."
At that, you do give him a small smile at the mention of your childhood friend. Agent Joshua Hong is a FBI Agent who runs Sentinels, a special unit in the FBI that is a taskforce to catch all well-known criminals who are either on the run or off the grid. He had offered you a job after you finished training at the academy, but being dead set on sticking by Minghao, Seokmin and Mingyu's side, you declined, saying that you would rather have two feet on the ground instead of up in the air for majority of your career.
"Glad to see that he still remembers me after not responding to all my messages." You mutter out, rolling your eyes before refocusing on the case, "Are you here to lead the case?"
Jun immediately goes into Sergeant mode at your question, his posture straightened as he shakes his head, his face immediately going serious. "Vanguard unfortunately has another important case that I need to get back to after this, but Sergeant Choi called me here for you to give me a rundown to see if I can afford to lend you any backup." He glances at Seungcheol, "Which we are also quite scarce for at the moment."
Seungcheol lets out a tired sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he squeezes his eyes close in annoyance. "Just what I needed to hear today." He mutters.
Jun gives him a sympathetic look, patting his shoulder before turning back to you and your rookie. "Give me the rundown and we can go from there."
Jun stays silent the entire time you and Soonyoung give him the rundown, from when the girl had run in-front of your shop — which had Soonyoung wincing slightly at Seungcheol's scowl — to the ride to the hospital as you kept trying to ask her questions that all ended up unanswered due to the fact that she was having a hard time focusing.
"She also mentioned someone named Tara." You recall, hearing the last few words that she said. Seungcheol and Jun share a glance as you start to piece the stuff together in your head, "Could it be another girl?"
Jun's face hardens slightly. "Could be. We will need to run the names to see if anything turns up but the detectives are unfortunately still swarmed with their own cases."
"Already covered." Seungcheol says, taking a glance towards you before looking back at Jun. "Xu is meant to take the detectives exam in two days, and given his really good work from the sniper case, the brass has deemed that he could use the practice to give him the leg up to really prepare him for the examination."
At the mention of Minghao's name, you freeze a little, wincing at the thought of interacting with your step-brother at the pivotal moment of the case. Seungcheol notices the wince, frowning slightly before refocusing on Jun who nods at his words. "Cool, I can probably only lend you Jihoon for the time-being as we wrap up the monstrous cases that was left to me while I was in New York."
"Wow," You say, composing yourself slightly as you switch to tease Jun, "Definition of a great 'welcome back'."
Jun rolls his eyes before giving you snarky grin, "You know it!" He cheers, before excusing himself to call Jihoon, the second in command of the Vanguard team. Seungcheol turns to you and your rookie.
"Officer Kwon, could you get control to ID the girl and send it back to your box?" He eyes you, "I need to speak with your training officer."
Soonyoung gives you a brief glance as you grimace slightly, cursing Seungcheol's good observational skills as you can already guess what he wants to ask. You give Soonyoung a small nod, asking him to leave to which he gives you a small reassuring nod back before walking out of the hallway to walkie back to control.
Despite yourself, you smile slightly as you watch Soonyoung walk away before turning to Seungcheol, who has an eyebrow raised. "Getting along well with your rookie, are you?"
Your eyes widen for a fraction before you compose yourself and shake your head while clearing your throat. "Well," you start, "you were the one who asked me to give him a chance."
Seungcheol scoffs before settling back to the matter at hand. "You and Xu having a scuffle again?" He asks, plain and straight to the point.
You grimace. "Yeah," You answer honestly.
There is no point hiding it from your hawk eyed boss. He probably knew that you and Minghao had been having problems since the second day of rookie season. He just has a habit of not interfering or mentioning it till shit either hits the fan or it becomes too much to be dealt with professionally.
You don't quite know if its the former, the latter, or just a precautionary measure at this point.
"But, we've been dealing with cases professionally amidst our fight, we should be okay working together for this." Seungcheol gives you a look, one that you've come to understand that he is amused but still in disbelief, which makes you internally roll your eyes. "We will be fine," You reassure once more, your tone hardening slightly.
He gives you one last up and down before nodding. "Alright," He says, "It better not come back to my desk as another abnormal paperwork then." You are about to give him another round of reassurance when the man you two were talking about decides to walk down the hallway, with Vernon hot on his tail.
"Got your message." Minghao says, reaching to where you and Seungcheol are standing as he gives you the firmest and briefest nod possible before fixing his eyes on Seungcheol for his mission.
"Good," Seungcheol simply says, "We're just waiting for the base info from Officer Kwon." He peers over your shoulder, "And speaking of Officer Kwon."
The three of you turn to find Soonyoung walking back to the four of you with a pep in his step, "Victim's name is Julie Wilson." He speaks, reading it off of his city issued phone, "Twenty two, college student who was reported missing by her dorm-mate two weeks ago."
You grimace slightly at the information, "Did you find anything about Tara?"
Minghao's eyebrows furrow at that information and beats Soonyoung before he has a chance to answer. "There's another missing girl?" He asks, turning his attention to you.
You compose your nerves, staring at your brother who has been avoiding you like the plague as you nod. "Julie kept mentioning a girl named Tara on our way here and when she was on the hospital bed," You swipe your bottom lip with your tongue, contemplating your words. "She kept saying she was sorry for leaving her."
Minghao's eyes darken at the realization. "Fuck," He mutters lowly, running a hand through his hair.
"Language." Seungcheol calmly says before resting a hand on his shoulder. "Use the facts that we know and start from there." Seungcheol instructs as Minghao gives him a curt nod.
"Control is still searching for any missing persons reports about a girl named Tara." Soonyoung answers, redirecting it back to your question, "They said the information will be redirected to our box the moment they find answers."
Minghao gives a nod before turning to Seungcheol, who raises his eyebrow, "It's your case, Detective. Give your orders."
Minghao's eyes widen for a second, slightly taken aback before he mutters out a 'Right' and turns to you, "You and your Boot can start canvassing around the area where you found her."
"You mean where her boot hit her with the shop like Mad Max." Seungcheol points out.
You roll your eyes at the statement, "Again," You pointedly say, glaring at Seungcheol, who looks like he was having a hard time keeping a smirk off of his face. "Kwon did not hit the girl with our shop. She ran in front of it."
Minghao, who looks like he has a ghost of a small smile on his face despite the two of you not being on good terms — probably because he is happy seeing you squirm — waves his hands. "Okay," He relents. "The two of you can start by canvassing the neighbourhood, do door to door if you need to. We need to know if anyone has seen this girl or saw where she was running from." He pauses as you watch the gears turn in his head, "Did she say anything about who her captive is?"
You shake your head, "She was heavily drugged by the person and I'm guessing she probably also doesn't remember how long she was running for before we found her."
Minghao grimaces slightly at the information, "Right," he mutters out bitterly, "Because our job isn't hard enough as it is."
You hold back a snort at his statement before Seungcheol speaks, "I'll assign Kim and Lee to the search as well. The downtown area of Jameson Street is too large for one shop to be canvassing alone."
Minghao nods before letting Seungcheol take his leave, probably to walkie to Mingyu and Seokmin about the new canvass they are assigned to, leaving you and Minghao standing next to each other. Minghao takes a quick glance at you, making you do the same as the awkwardness starts to settle in at the fact that this might be the first time the two of you are full-on speaking in the last two weeks other than the occasional, 'Here's the report' or 'Groceries are in the fridge'.
Soonyoung's eyes flit between the two of you before he locks eyes with Vernon, who seems to have done the same thing, clocking the awkward tension between the two of you. They share a silent conversation as the two of you try (and fail) to not make it obvious before Soonyoung clears his throat.
You lock eyes with your rookie, snapping out of the awkward haze you were in as you straighten up slightly before shuffling over to him.
"I guess I'll see you later." You mumble out to Minghao, the awkward tension getting more palpable as each second passes.
"Yeah," He mutters, scratching the back of his nape, "See you."
With that, you take off down the hallway, your heart in your throat as Soonyoung trails behind you, almost struggling to keep up with your fast pace. You burst through the doors of the hospital, finally catching your breath, the tension making you feel like you're suffocating as Soonyoung slows down to your side.
"Are you alright?" He asks, his voice barely above a whisper as he crouches down to your height.
You let out a huff, "Never better." Your voice sounding strained as you straight yourself up. "Let's go catch this bastard."
REPORT 15 OF 546 - BEARING THE EMOTIONS OF THE WORLD
Canvassing the neighborhood was definitely at the bottom of the list for your favourite patrol tasks. It was good policing, sure, but it was only ever done when an abduction and/or a kidnapping had taken place and from the statistics, 7/10 times, it was always a female.
3/5 of the times that you canvass, you won't be able to find anything, which was definitely what had happened yesterday. You, Mingyu and Seokmin had divided up the search grid to try to at least get some of the ground covered but with almost a new call happening every 10 minutes, the three of you only managed to canvass 1/6 of the search grid.
Minghao and Vernon had stayed behind to question Julie at the hospital, waiting for her to detox so that he could ask her questions while the memories were still fresh, but ended up not getting a lot to go off of. He had updated the three of you in the group chat that you guys shared, meaning that you had read the messages before having a restless night of sleep.
"Morning." You greet lowly, taking a seat between Seokmin and Mingyu with a small cup of oolong tea in your hand. You take in their appearances, their hair just slightly more unkept than usual along with matching small frowns on their faces as they murmur out greetings of their own. You grimace slightly at their expressions, "I take it night shift didn't find anything after they picked up the baton?" You ask, hopes that you are wrong shattering as Mingyu gives you a heavy nod.
"They got through a bigger part than we did but," Mingyu trails off, shaking his head, "Still nothing on where the missing girl could've been." You figured as much. Minghao didn't come home until 5am in the morning to take a quick nap, shower, and grab a new uniform set before he was out of the house again.
Cases like these always disrupted your morning routine, so while Minghao was having his nap, you made a batch of Pu-er tea, Minghao's favourite, to help him with the nerves and pressure. You left it to steep on the stove before hearing his shuffles, making you head back into your room to avoid meeting him but hoping the tea would be enough of a peace offering for now.
You laid in bed with bated breath as you heard him whip his room door open, taking a few steps before his shuffling came to a stop. There was silence for a few beats before you heard him let out a soft sigh as he shuffled around a little more and the stove was turned off. When you had emerged from your room an hour later, long after he left, you noticed that the pot was less than half filled, making a small smile appear.
"Alright," Seungcheol says from the front, making you snap out of your thoughts as you peer at the front to see Jihoon, Seungcheol and Minghao standing at the stand beside the projection screen.
You watch Minghao take a sip from his tumbler, making your heart clench slightly before he takes the lead for the presentation. "As you all know, yesterday at 14:45, Officer Nova and Kwon came across Julie Wilson, who was seen fleeing from an unknown area with duct tapes wrapped around her wrist." Minghao gravelly begins, his eyes sharp as he changes to the next slide, "Our victim was heavily drugged and she was unable to tell us how long she had been running for or what exactly her captive looked like."
He inhales heavily, "However, we have reason to believe there may be a second target that Julie mentioned leaving behind," He changes the slide to show a girl, who looked just slightly younger than Julie, a bright smile on her face that makes your blood run cold. "Her name is Tara Hill, twenty-one years old who was reported missing three weeks ago."
Jihoon picks up a stack of papers from the stand and starts to hand them out to everyone with details on it such as her last known address, her common route to her school, as well as printed out images of Tara. You feel a pit of dread in your stomach looking at the pictures that Minghao, Jihoon and Vernon had managed to dig up from the database, her bright smile making you gnaw on your bottom lip as your determination to find her spikes.
"I've approved extra shifts and O.T until we find this girl," Seungcheol says as he eyes the room, "Everyone canvasses between calls, understood?" A murmur of 'understood' echoes through the room, making Seungcheol nod.
"Alright, Sergeant Jihoon and I will be running base back here, manning the tip line so if you hear or see anything at all, ask them to call the number on the piece of paper handed back to you so that we can collate the information and find the girl faster." Seungcheol says, gesturing to himself and Jihoon who looks like he would rather be anywhere else but here. Jihoon glances towards you, making you give him a small thumbs up, to which he replies with a roll of his eyes and a subtle slice across his neck, making you grin slightly at his antics.
You and Jihoon weren't close but being Jun's right-hand meant that you two would work together during the cases when Vanguard needed patrols help with their cases. Meaning that the two of you had a small banter situation going on that was almost the same as when you were dealing with the two lanky men that were seated on either side of you.
"Let's do some good policing." Seungcheol says, grabbing your attention back as he dismisses the whole room.
You stand up, stretching slightly as Seokmin glances at you. "Talked to Hao yet?" He asks, making you shake your head 'no'.
"The case is taking up all his time right now," You state, glancing towards your brother, who has dark rings under his eyes. "We need to solve this today no matter what." You lowly state, glancing towards Mingyu and Seokmin. "Hao needs to be able to focus on his detectives exam tomorrow."
They both give you a firm nod before rallying up their rookies so that they could get a start on the canvassing before any calls come through. The gears turn quickly in your head as you made your way to your shop where Soonyoung is placing the war bags in the trunk.
"We're making a quick stop at the hospital," You announce to him, making your way to the passenger seat of the car.
His eyebrows furrow as he closes the boot. "What for?" He asks, his head tiling to the side as you turn to look at him.
"To ask Julie some questions before we start our canvass." You nonchalantly respond, making his eyes narrow more in confusion.
"Aren't Xu and Vernon on that?" he asks, making his way to the drivers seat as you slide into the passenger seat.
You shrug, "Doesn't hurt to ask another round just to see if we can get more information." You state, "Besides, Tara can't wait." Soonyoung stares at you for a beat before nodding.
"You're the boss." He states, grabbing his seatbelt to click it on as you give him a small smirk.
"Glad to see you're good with authority now." You quip, making him huff out a laugh.
"Figured I would give it a try since we were bonding yesterday."
You narrow your eyes slightly at that comment. "We weren't bonding, Boot."
Soonyoung nods his head, seemingly believing it, but the smile on his face says otherwise, "Whatever you say, Ma'am." You roll your eyes as he shifts the car into drive and steers out of the parking lot.
"He grabbed me when I was walking on my way home from college." Julie sniffles out, her eyes slightly swollen with tears as you look at her, sympathy written all over your face. "I never saw him but," she trails off, her eyes watering more as she recalls the memory, "I just felt the cloth go over my nose and then everything went black."
Soonyoung notes all the answers onto his notepad as you sit on the stool beside her bed, "Do you remember anything about the house?" You gently ask, handing her a tissue to wipe her eyes with.
She dabs at her eyes as she shakes her head 'no'. "He kept me in the basement with Tara, only coming to see us to bring us food and wave a gun around to try and scare the both of us." Her voice catches slightly as she sniffles, "He always wore a halloween mask over his face, to conceal his identity from us."
She lets out a shaky exhale, "I think he liked it, when he threatened us," She sobs out, making you soothe her as you hand her another tissue paper, telling her that it is alright and that she is safe.
You and Soonyoung share a glance. "Anything else?" He gently prompts, his voice soft so as to not scare the traumatized girl, "Anything that can help us find this place and Tara?"
Julie hesitates for a second, taking a quick glance at you before looking at Soonyoung, "I might be crazy but…" she takes a sharp inhale, "I kept hearing a voice shout 'Fatality' every few minutes." She turns to look at you, her eyes begging. "Tara could never hear it but I swear it was there."
Your eyes widen at her statement, whipping out your phone, typing in something into your search bar before flipping the screen to her. "Was it this?" You ask her softly, pressing play on the YouTube video as the sound fills the room, making her eyes widen.
"Yes." She breathes out making a small grin appear on your face.
But before you say anything, there is a knock on the door. You and Soonyoung whip your heads to the door to find Minghao standing there with Vernon behind him, giving you an anxious look as your brother is silently seething.
"What are you doing here, Nova?" He asks, his arms crossed as he looks between you and your rookie.
You curse internally at your brothers expression before exiting the room, making Soonyoung give a quick glance to Julie. "We'll check on you later," Soonyoung reassures her, giving her a small smile before he shoves his notepad and pen into his patch pocket.
Minghao eyes you, his arms crossed and posture rigid. "Well?" He asks, the tone of his voice teetering on the edge of rage as he raises an eyebrow. "I'm waiting."
Your eye twitches at his tone, "We came by on our way to canvass, didn't think it would be a big deal—"
"Protocol is key here, Nova." Minghao interrupts, his voice hard and rough as he seethes, making you take a step back as you meet his gaze. "Everything goes through me or Sarge, Nova. You know that."
Soonyoung's eyes narrow slightly. "What's the problem here?" He asks, making your heart drop as you watch your brother's glare shift to your rookie. "We're all trying to catch the same guy here."
Minghao lets out a scoff. "Why are you talking right now, Officer Kwon?" He asks, his brazen voice making Soonyoung frown.
"Do you have a problem with me or something?" Soonyoung asks, his voice raising slightly and making Minghao give him another cutthroat glare as you heave out a sigh.
"Enough!" You exclaim out exasperatedly, placing your hands on both of their chest as you sternly glare at the both of them before pushing Soonyoung backwards and behind you, so that your brother's focus shifts to you.
"Did she tell you about the voice saying 'Fatality'?" You ask, making Minghao's expression twist into one of confusion.
"What?" He asks after a moment of silence, his eyebrows furrowing even more, "'Fatality'?" You nod eagerly as you watch the gears turn in his head.
You sigh. Watching his brain lag, you pull out your phone again to find the sound. "Listen." You say playing the YouTube video as a video game theme plays in the background before the announcer voice booms out through the speaker, "Fatality."
Minghao's eyes widen in recognition before he locks eyes with your excited ones, "Pixie," He says aloud, his voice brimming on excitement, "You're a genius."
You feel your neck flush slightly, warm with pride as your brother positively acknowledges you for the first time in weeks, the nickname bringing a warmth to your chest. Soonyoung and Vernon eye each other, confusion etched on their faces.
"Sorry, what?" Soonyoung asks, his eyebrows furrowed, feeling a little lost as he eyes the two of you, who are buzzing from finding the clue to solve the case.
You flip your phone over for Vernon and Soonyoung to see as they peer at the screen, seeing the grainy pixelated characters fight it out. Vernon squints at the screen, "Is that Mortal Kombat?"
You nod eagerly, humming out a sound of affirmation, "The 1992 version to be exact."
The two rookies look over at you, shock etched onto their faces as they look at you as if you had grown a second head. You frown at their expression, feeling a little awkward under their intense gazes, "What?" You ask, your voice tensing as you give them a stare.
Vernon immediately breaks his gaze from your face, clearing his throat as Soonyoung closes his mouth, swallowing. "Nothing," Soonyoung murmurs, making you narrow your eyes before you get back on track and pull out the search grid.
"Anyway." You mutter out, unraveling the search grid and placing it on the coffee table nearby, allowing the three men to see.
"Mortal Kombat is normally at arcades and there are seven in our search grid," You gesture for Soonyoung to give you the pen, circling the seven arcades in the area. "However," You murmur as you start to cross out five of them, "There are only two old timey arcades in the area that have the oldest version of Mortal Kombat released in 1992. Which has the voice line that Julie recognizes." You put more emphasis on the two arcades that lay on either sides of the search grid.
"We can take one and radio Seok and Gyu to take the other." Minghao suggests, making your eyes widen.
"You want to go with me?" You ask, your voice coming out softer than you intended, making Minghao's expression soften as well.
"Yeah," He says, hesitating slightly, "Unless you don't want me to. I can get Gyu or Seok to go with you instead."
You immediately shake your head, straightening your posture, "I would love you to have my back again." You say softly, making a small smile appear on Minghao's face, giving you a firm nod.
"Let's catch this bastard then." You smile to yourself, locking eyes with your brother's determined ones.
"Took the words right out of my mouth."
Stopping right outside the old-timey arcade makes you freeze, feeling a wave of nostalgia hit you as you recall old memories of going to the arcades with Minghao and your parents.
Slamming the car door shut, you scan the area as Soonyoung appears by your side. "Judging from how loud the machines are," You murmur, tracing the edge of the building as you look at the neighbourhood houses surrounding the arcade.
"Along this street right?" Soonyoung asks, catching your drift as he points towards a row of houses right at the opposite end of where the arcade entrance and Mortal Kombat are.
You nod, watching Minghao get out of his own shop and walk towards the two of you. "I've updated the Watch Commander and Vanguard already. Gyu just informed me that they've reached the other arcade and are doing door to door now."
You hum in understanding, gesturing to the row opposite the entrance, "We were just saying that it has to be this row of houses because Mortal Kombat is right there." You say, pointing towards where the machine is, hearing the sound effects.
"Brings back memories, huh?" Minghao asks, making you nod before you glance towards the houses. "Let's start." You and Minghao pause for a moment to canvas the outer area of the houses before you land on one where a security guard is sitting on his porch.
"Maybe we should ask the neighbours first." You say, glancing towards Minghao, "Security guys are always nosy."
He nods, agreeing with you, "I'll take Chwe and we'll do a knock on the first house then." He states, making you nod as his eyes narrow on you. "Stay safe and don't do anything I wouldn't do." He warns, making you shrug, giving him a small smile.
"No promises."
He continues to stare at you, making you shrink slightly at his brotherly glare, a reminder that the two of you still have some unresolved issues before you relent and nod, "I'll be careful." That answer seems to satisfy him as he gives you a curt nod before walking towards the first house down the street.
"Let's go, Boot." You solemnly command, making him give you a small nod as you feel your skin prickle, slightly on edge as you use your chin to nudge towards the security guard, "Show me what you got." He nods, walking towards the house before approaching the security guard as you stand a little bit away but still in earshot of him and the civilian, accessing the streets for dodgy houses and just observing your surroundings.
"Hello there, sir." Soonyoung greets chirpily, making the older man stand up to access him with a wary smile on his face.
"Good morning." The security guard greets, "How can I help you?"
A dog barks in the distance, making you glance towards that area as you take a few slow steps down the street, still on high alert with your ears perked to listen to Soonyoung's conversation.
"…and we were wondering if you saw anything out of the ordinary?"
"No, nothing that I can recall," The man says as something catches your attention from the corner of your eye, making you pause your slow walk. You turn to the right to see the security guard's car window slightly wound down, something inside reflecting sunlight in your direction.
You squint at it, curious before you peer upwards to see Soonyoung still deep in conversation with him. You chew at your bottom lip before waking towards the car, glancing every few steps to see if the security guard is watching you.
"Have you seen these two girls at all?" You hear Soonyoung ask as you quietly approach the car.
"No, not at all." The man answers, shifting slightly, "Uh, are they okay?"
You peer into the opened window, squinting slightly as your eyes flit through the amount of things in the backseat of his car before it lands on something that makes your blood run cold.
Their voices muffle slightly as you spot a halloween mask in the backseat of the car. Your head immediately whips upwards. "Kwon!" You yell, getting the blonde's attention as you whip out your gun, pointing it at the security guard.
The guard, who seemed to have sensed danger, immediately pulls out a pistol from his right back-pocket, pointing it straight at Soonyoung, making your eyes widen in horror.
"MOVE!" You quickly shout, making Soonyoung dive right, just in the nick of time as the guard took his first shot, missing Soonyoung by just a few centimeters. You fire a few shots of your own, barely missing him as he sprints to his porch, whipping the front door open and clambering inside.
You internally curse at all your missed shots before you watch Soonyoung immediately stand and run after the man, his gun out.
"Kwon!" You call out to him, wanting to reason that the two of you should wait for backup but he interrupts you.
"I'm going in!" He yells, feeling adrenaline coursing through his veins before he disappears through the front door.
You yell out a very loud 'Fuck' at your rookie's new heroic spirit that you no doubt have instilled in him in the past two weeks after the incident at the house. You peer to your left to see Minghao and Vernon already dashing down the street, making you weigh your options.
You could either sprint in after Soonyoung or wait for Minghao and Vernon to get here. The only problem with the latter is that the suspect is armed and your rookie isn't exactly a top-notch shot. As you hear another gunshot go off in the house, the decision is long made for you as your body begins to move on it's own as you sprint into the house, ignoring Minghao's cries for you.
Soonyoung swears that his blood has never pumped this hard in his ears. Never when he was performing his heart out in-front of tens and thousands of people, never when he was practicing the hardest choreography that he has ever done and especially not during the absolute episode of his first shift.
However, as he rounds the corners of the empty house, he swears his heart starts to work overtime. After blatantly avoiding your calls for him, he's as quiet as a mouse, weaving through the multiple corners of the house before ending up in the backroom, his eyes fleeting around the room on high alert.
He rounds the last corner, peering into the last room of the house, a tiny backroom that seemingly has only one access point. Remembering his training, he steps into the room and scans it, closing the door quietly behind him.
This is the last room in the house and if the guard isn't here, that would mean…
His thoughts trail off as he notices an open wardrobe, light filtering into it slightly and making him frown as he walks closer to it. He moves some of the hangers out of the way before noticing the makings of a hidden door. His eyes widen. "Bingo," he mutters to himself, his hand reaching for the door to whip it open when something stops him.
Or someone for the matter.
Soonyoung almost yelps out in surprise as he feels a hand on his shoulder, whipping around with his finger already on the trigger of his gun to face a very angry you. "You're a fucking idiot, Kwon Soonyoung." You quietly hiss out under your breath, your rage-filled tone making him give you a small sheepish smile. "You could've been killed-" You start to chastise before he interrupts you.
"Ma'am," He quietly states, trying not to flinch at the intensity of your glare. "You can yell at me later, the guy is down there." He reasons, gesturing towards the hidden door. He watches as your jaw clenches slightly.
"Fine." You state, "But this isn't over." You say, walking in front of him, mumbling under your breath how you got saddled with the most reckless rookie ever as you take point at the right side of the door.
Soonyoung watches you, his heartbeat still pounding in his ears as you shoot him a look with your eyebrows raised, "Are you waiting for Christmas?" You hiss out, gesturing your gun towards the other side of the door, "Get the fuck over here."
Soonyoung's eyes widen as he scrambles to the left of the door. He is definitely going to get an earful from you later about how badly this could've ended for him. He watches you take a deep breath before signaling to him that you will open the door on the count of three. He nods, making you turn to the door, your hand up before counting up.
As soon as your third finger goes up and you whip the door open, making Soonyoung point his gun inside, his finger alert on the trigger and he peers down a musty old staircase. "Clear," He quietly whispers out before he shuffles forward, to begin his descent down the stairs with you right on his sixth.
He switches the flashlight on at the top of his gun as he continues to walk further down the creaking staircase, his heart in his throat as he startles at every new sound. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the room is eerily quiet, only filled with the sounds of his and your slow breathing as well as the ventilation fan that is working overtime at the corner of the room.
Soonyoung notices two doors on either side of the room, which are mostly concealed behind many high shelves and boxes. He takes a small glance towards you, silently asking what the two of you should do, making you chew on your bottom lip before signaling to him that the two of you will need to split up.
It is dangerous for sure, Soonyoung understands how dangerous the situation is, but if the two of you end up going into the same room, it's even riskier as he could trap the two of you inside. The guard has the advantage at the moment, he is hiding and because this is his own house, he knows the ins and outs of everything.
Soonyoung gives you a small curt nod as he pieces everything together before he slowly walks towards the right side of the room. He shines his flashlight and gun at every nook and corner that he sees, rounding each high shelf until he reaches the other side of the room, the door right next to him.
His eyes narrow slightly at the hatch on the door before he presses himself to the left wall of the door, his right hand on his gun while his left one rests on the latch. He gives himself a mini countdown before opening the locked door, peering inside to see Tara lying on the floor.
His eyes widen, "Tara?" he says aloud making the young girl peer up at him, squinting slightly at the flashlight as Soonyoung takes her appearance in, his heart sinking slightly at her sullen eyes, pale lips, and dried blood all over her face. She scoots backwards, making him stash his gun as he raises his hands in surrender, not wanting to scare her even more as he makes his way towards her.
"It's okay." He mumbles to her, slowly approaching, "I'm with the LAPD." He watches as recognition floods her face, making her eyes fill with tears as he notices her recognize his uniform. He wastes no time crouching down next to her, "You're going to be okay." He soothes as he uses strength to rip off the duct tape on her arms, making her stay stationary to the wall before he moves towards the wrapped duct tape on her ankles.
"Look out!" Tara shrieks beside him, making him whip around, only to have his head slammed in by a hard metal object. He groans lowly, falling to the floor as his surroundings become slightly disorientated, his heart racing while his head throbs in his ears.
He hears Tara's muffled yelling but can't seem to make sense of it as his vision focuses in and out. He faintly notices the silhouette of the guard, making him curse internally as he tries to force himself to get up, to focus on reaching for his gun that is still attached to his duty belt.
He hears the muffled cocking of the pistol, his blood in his ears and his heart hammering against his chest, making him squeeze his eye shut, almost as if he was trying to will himself into getting up. He faintly hears the man chuckle before the house shakes, making Soonyoung open his eyes to see dust coming down from the ceiling, making the guard panic before he dashes out of the room.
Soonyoung, slowly regaining his focus, stands up without a second thought as his blood boils slightly at the thought of the guard making him dash out of the room.
"Wait!" Tara yells out, through a choked sob, "Please don't leave me." She begs, making Soonyoung stand at the door, his pulse still running a million miles an hour.
"You're safe," He calls out to her before giving her a small reassuring smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, "I'll be back." He promises before he gets out of the room, whipping his gun around, trying to spot the guard.
He sees a flash of a shadow, immediately pointing in it's direction just to see the guard escape through a thin window at the corner of the room. He silently curses as he hears footsteps from the stairs, whipping around to see Minghao and Vernon with their guns out, descending down at a rapid pace.
"Kwon!" He hears you cry out as you come into view, your face full of concern.
Vernon's eyes widen upon seeing Soonyoung's head. "Shit," Vernon mutters, "Are you alright?"
Soonyoung quickly nods, "I'm alright but the guy's on the run and someone needs to stay with Tara." Vernon and Minghao take a quick glance at each other before Minghao raises an eyebrow, eyeing the two boots.
"Well, it's not going to be either one of you," He says sternly. "Get out of here and go catch the guy."
Soonyoung and Vernon's eyes widen before they immediately dash out through the open window, making Minghao turn to you, "I'll stay with Tara." He says, his tone having an edge of finality in it, "Take the shop and go give them backup."
Minghao knew that you were a better shot at the end of the day, and if it came to it, you won't hesitate to take it if the guy doesn't surrender. Knowing that there is no time to argue, you give him a curt nod before you race up the stairs to get into your parked shop.
Soonyoung sprints down the neighbourhood streets, barely hearing the sirens as his eyes zero in on the guard running through the neighbourhood park. Soonyoung feels his lung's gasping for air but decides to ignore it, sprinting with Vernon, the two of them hot on the guards tail.
Soonyoung's mind is blank as he jumps over hurdles after hurdles before he sees the guard trip, dropping his pistol. He pushes his limits more and forces himself to run just a little bit faster to catch up with the guy before he can get up.
However, lady luck is not on his side as the guy ditches the gun and begins to sprint again. "Stay down!" He vaguely hears Vernon yelling from behind him as he chases after the guard once again. He barely registers the siren sounds from yours and his shop before you stop at the street right next to the exit he was heading to. You pull out your gun and intercepted the guy, yelling "Freeze!" making him raise his hands in surrender.
Soonyoung, who feels the adrenaline in his veins, the rush of blood to his head and visions of the girls trapped in the basement, only sees red as he tackles the guy. You stand there, frozen as you watch your rookie aim fist after fist at the man's head.
"Kwon!" You immediately yell, stashing your gun before you curl your arm into his bicep, halting his rage and making him peer up at you, his chest heaving as his eyes glaze over. "That's enough." You lowly hiss, glaring right into his eyes as he takes in heavy breaths. "He's done."
The glaze in his eyes clears as he takes a sharp inhale, as if he was just registering what he had done, peering back down to the guard, whose face is starting to get swollen and bruised.
"Hook him up, Boot." You calmly say before yanking your arm out from underneath his as Soonyoung swallows, feeling his throat suddenly dry up before he scrambles to follow your instruction, flipping the suspect over and handcuffing him.
Soonyoung takes a quick glance at Vernon, whose eyes are wide at the spectacle, seemingly at a lost for words as Soonyoung feels the adrenaline start to slow, his head running a million miles per minute at what he had just done.
He is definitely going to get it later.
The four of you stand in Seungcheol's office, giving him the rundown and debrief as Minghao calmly relays the facts to the man, with you retelling your part of what had happened in the house. You glance every now and then at your rookie, who is definitely zoning out the rest of the room.
You tense at the slight bit of concern that floods your veins as you stare at the man, who looks like he is wrestling with his inner thoughts, making you sigh internally, knowing you will need to talk to him later.
As the debrief wraps up, Seungcheol gives you and Minghao a nod of approval with a small smile on his face, "Good work, the two of you." He praises, his eyes fleeting between the two of you, before he glances towards your rookies behind the two of you.
"You two," He starts, making your rookies lock eyes with him, "You're dismissed. I need to speak with your training officers."
You glance behind to see the two rookies glance at each other before giving Seungcheol a firm nod and leaving the room. Seungcheol turns his gaze back to you and Minghao, studying the two of you for a beat. "I take it the two of you haven't made up yet?"
The abrupt question startles you, making you blink at your watch commander as you see Minghao doing the same from the corner of your eye. "Not yet, sir." Minghao says, locking eyes with you. "But we will solve this tonight."
The finality in his tone makes your heart stutter slightly, still wrestling with the choice of whether to tell Minghao or not. Seungcheol nods, "That's all I needed to hear." He says, sounding pleased with himself. If this was any other situation, you would have rolled your eyes at his antics before giving a sarcastic comment, but it has been a long day and you need to save your energy for dealing with Minghao.
Minghao and you leave Seungcheol's office, the tension definitely palpable in the air before Minghao reaches a set of benches right before the locker rooms, plopping down onto it as he let out a soft groan. He stretches slightly as you silently stare at him, awkwardly shuffling on your feet and making him glance up a you, his expression soft as he pats the bench.
You take the cue and sit down next to him, resting your palms on your knees as silence enveloped the two of you. Your tongue traces your bottom lip, wetting it as you feel the tension get more unbearable, until you can't take it anymore.
"Hao," You start, taking a shaky inhale, "Look I—"
"Stop." He says softly, interrupting you before you can start to ramble. "Let me talk first."
You quiet down almost immediately, giving him the floor as he runs a hand through his hair before locking eyes with you. "I'm sorry for whatever I said in the car the other day." He mutters out, mirroring you as he rests his palms against his knees. "I wasn't trying to force you into telling me what happened but," he hesitates slightly, "I'm worried, Pixie."
He runs a hand through his hair again, almost tangling it in. "You've been more reckless ever since that day you had that talk with Seungcheol in his office." Minghao softly admits, a soft edge of frustration laced in his words, "You've also changed. Your methods have changed, you're excusing Kwon's actions sometimes and you stand up for him every chance you get even when you were advocating for him to quit since the first hour on day one."
Minghao takes a shaky inhale. "You don't need to tell me whatever is making you feel like this, Pixie," he admits, his tone slightly resigned as he stares at the floor, "But I need to know that you will make it home every night and that you will be able to solve this internal conflict that you are having with yourself." He locks eyes with you again, your heart clenching slightly at the dullness of them as they stare heavily into yours, "Because I can't lose you, Pixie, not ever and especially not like this."
You feel a rush of guilt spike immediately, making your chest ache from how fast and hard it hits you.
Minghao's eyes flit around your face, studying you for a beat. "I trust you more than anyone else in the world, Pixie," He softly says, his expression softening even more, "And if you have a reason for not telling me, I know that it's a good one," He nudges you slightly, "Plus, if there's anyone who can solve something that everyone else thinks its unsolvable," he gives you a small smile, filled with adoration, "That person would be you."
The pain in your chest grows at the admittance and you feel your walls break almost instantly as you digested his words. Minghao studies you for a beat, taking your silence as quiet understanding before he speaks again. "I don't expect us to solve this today." He says softly, grabbing your hand into his, "We had a long day and I have my test tomorrow so why don't we just go out for food and—"
"Hao." You speak up, your voice soft, interrupting him and making him tilt his head in question. You let out a shaky exhale, "When Seungcheol called me into his office the other day, half of it was to tell me about Soonyoung being my new rookie, but the other half," You trail off, composing your nerves slightly before continuing, "Was about the brass."
Minghao's eyes narrow slightly, "What about the brass?" He questions, slightly frowning.
You shift slightly, turning to face him, "Seungcheol had a report on his desk with all of our stats from the past twenty Rookie Days we've had. While everyone's report and yours were clean, with only a few wash outs," You take a shaky inhale, "Mine was the worst, with only nine successful rookies."
Minghao blinks at that, "Why is that an issue?"
You gnaw on your bottom lip, "It's an issue because the brass needs to pin the heat on someone when all these total rookies add up and we don't have enough manpower on the streets, Hao." You mumble out bitterly, "They're going to claim that my methods are unorthodox. Yes, I produce the best rookies, but I also wash out the most and 'leave them for the sharks' as they put it."
Minghao's eyes widen at that, "What?" He asks, his voice low, serious and stern, "That's utter bullshit." You grimace slightly at his words, watching as he goes on a small spiral of his own, "They can't do that."
"Well, they definitely can if they're threatening it." You speak out softly, making Minghao scoff as he shakes his head, borderline seething now.
"That's why you can't wash Soonyoung out," he mutters, starting to silently pieces everything together, "Because if you do, you lose this."
You gravely nod at his voice as silence swarms around the two of you. Not the comfortable kind as you feel the air prickle your skin, the topic leading the air to become heavy amongst the two of you.
"That's fucked." Minghao finally admits, making you nod slowly.
"It really is," You say, echoing his sentiment. "I guess we need to start trying harder to wash him out then." Minghao says, clasping his hands together, "I think we can think of a few ways to make the guy wash himself out."
You think back to yesterday and today and how Soonyoung has been. He was attentive, he took your criticism. You contemplate.
"If he cannot hack it, I will cut him. Regardless of whether I am a training officer or not after the fact."
"Remember what it was like to be in his shoes, Nova."
"I'm here because I have to do this, because I can't live with myself if anyone else goes through the same thing that I have."
Those three sentences keep ringing at the back of your mind before you take in all of Soonyoung's actions today and how he risked everything to save the girl. How committed he was and how he saw red after the incident which lead to the altercation.
"No." You softly say, surprising Minghao, "I don't think he should quit."
Minghao stares at you, his eyes slightly wide as he analyzes your face. You hold your breath, awaiting his argument. But instead, you just watch him deflate and sigh, the day definitely taking a toll on him.
"Alright." He simply says, giving you a soft smile as he squeezes your hand, making you frown in confusion.
"You aren't going to argue with me?"
He raises an eyebrow, "You want me to?" You immediately shake your head, making your half-brother huff out a laugh, a teasing smile on his lips, "Don't get me wrong, I still don't like the guy, but after witnessing what he did today," He trails off, shaking his head, "Figures why you like him and want to keep him." He says, turning to you with a cheeky smirk on his face.
You feel the back of your neck flush at his words before you use your free hand to slap him hard on the shoulder, making the older man yelp.
"Oi!" He exclaims, rubbing his shoulder with his free hand. "Don't add injuring a fellow police officer to your rapport now, you already have a bad rep with the officers at the motor pool because of your fellow rookie."
"Need I remind you that you were the one that crashed your shop into the house today to get through the front door?"
"Well, whose fault is that?! You didn't listen to me and got the front door locked after you ran inside to save your reckless rookie! What other choice did I have?"
"Every war bag is equipped with a lock-pick, Xu! Which you would've remembered if you didn't come saving me as if you're some knight in shining armour."
Minghao snorts before dragging you to your feet by your joint hands, "C'mon," He says, snarkily as he pulls you, "We're getting nowhere with this argument because we're both starving."
You roll your eyes, "Just cause I was winning the argument."
"Don't start."
You slam your locker door shut and grab your backpack before making your way out of the female changing room, bidding goodbye to the night shift team. You roll your shoulders, trying to get the ache out of them as you push the doors to the precinct open and take a deep breath, the cool night air filling your lungs.
You stand there for a second, soaking in the night before you catch something at the corner of your eye that makes you peer over to see a blonde head of hair. You watch as Soonyoung stares at the sky, contemplating as he sits on the bench right outside of the precinct. He is dressed in plain clothes, which you realize make him look a lot younger than he actually is despite being two years older than you.
You feel your body move on it's own as you approach him, your sneakers swiping a few rocks away. As you stand by his side, he seems to be in his own world, not noticing you. You clear your throat.
"Not going home yet?"
Soonyoung jumps slightly before whipping his head to the side to see you standing there, a ghost of a smile on your face as you try not to smile or laugh at scaring him.
"Waiting for Vernon, Chan and Seungkwan to get out of the locker room. My roommate is picking us up for dinner." He states as he eyes you. "How about you?"
"Waiting for Officer Xu, Lee and Kim. We're supposed to go for dinner." You say, rolling your eyes as you shift the strap of your bag on your shoulder, "They complain that I always take the longest but I swear, if the three of them are in there at once, they will take hours."
Soonyoung lets out a small laugh at your grimacing tone, "Do guys actually have all those locker room talks or something?"
Soonyoung looks at you, not even bothering to hide his slight amusement. "Locker room talks or something?" He repeats your words, making you nod.
"Yeah, like girls' bathroom talks."
At that, Soonyoung lets out a louder laugh, his shoulders relaxing by a fraction, making you smirk despite yourself. Soonyoung slides to the right, making place for you. "Want to sit?"
Despite everything in you saying 'no' and that you aren't supposed to get close to this rookie that you deemed irresponsible, you do anyways. You know he isn't like that anymore, it would be pretty dumb if you still thought that way after getting to know him the past two weeks, despite not wanting to. You let out an exhale as you sit before silence envelops the two of you as you both stare at the moon and the stars dotting the sky.
You glance towards Soonyoung, whose shoulders look like they tensed up again in just a couple of seconds. "How are you doing?" You ask the man, making him glance at you before going back to stare at the moon, gnawing at his bottom lip.
"I'm…" He hesitates slightly, watching your expression morph into a 'don't lie to me' one, making him relent. "Honestly, I could be better." He mutters out, not wanting to meet your eyes.
You let out a hum, stretching slightly. "Why's that?"
He lets out a sigh, "I've always known that people can be capable of horrible things," he softly says, kicking a few pebbles with his shoes as he swings his legs lightly, "but to see it firsthand was…"
He trails off, his head dropping lower but his words resonate with you as you digest them, understanding what he means. You lean back on your hands as you stare at the sky. "You've also experienced it firsthand." You say softly.
Soonyoung barks out a bitter laugh. "You're right," he mutters, mirroring your posture.
You stare at him for a few moments before nudging him to make him look at you, "Can't let it infect you." You say quietly, after he locks eyes with you. "As a civilian, you can be driven by emotion as much as you want. As a cop?" You shake your head, "You need to rise above it because it's not your job to punish this man for what he did as much as you want to."
Soonyoung stays silent as you gently reason with him, "Doesn't make it suck any less." He finds himself muttering, making your expression soften.
"It doesn't." You agree, "When you were on stage, you were in-charge of it all, the emotions you were inflicting on others through your music, the music that you could perform on it and everything that was meant to be up there, but here?" You let out a small sigh, solidifying your words and point.
"Overcoming that impulse and need for control will be the hardest thing that you do in this job."
You let your words sit for a beat with Soonyoung before a few muffled voices catch your attention, making you peer behind to see the three men joking around with each other, pushing each other slightly as they make their way out of the building.
You roll your eyes at their antics before looking back at Soonyoung, who seems amused by them, "Guess that's your cue." He says, making you scoff as you shake your head.
"Wish it wasn't," You say tiredly, making Soonyoung laugh at your deadpanned expression before a small smile makes its way onto your face. You stand up, slinging your bag onto your shoulder again, "You did good today, Officer Kwon." You praise, making Soonyoung blink at your words.
"Did you just compliment me?"
You roll your eyes, "Don't get used to it." You say pointedly as he shakes his head, a wider grin on his face now.
"Wouldn't dream of it, Ma'am." He says, his eyes twinkling, making your chest warm slightly even though you don't know why.
You clear your throat as your entourage makes their way over to Mingyu's car, Minghao calling out your name. "That's my actual cue." You say as Soonyoung nods, opening his mouth to speak when you are both interrupted by yet another loud group of people, the two of you turning to see Chan and Seungkwan arguing with each other as Vernon trails behind them.
You smile, amused before turning to Soonyoung, "Looks like that's your cue as well." You say, your grin teasing as he huffs, standing up as well. "Unfortunately," He mumbles before turning to you, eyeing you for a beat before his expression morphs into a more appreciative one.
"Thank you." he says softly, "For the talk."
You shrug, "I'm your training officer, every moment is a teachable one." You watch him resist the urge to roll his eyes, making you laugh as you take a step away from him.
"See you tomorrow, Officer Nova." He says, giving you a mock salute which has you rolling your eyes as you step a few steps backward, a ghost of a smile on your face at how stupid your rookie is.
"See you tomorrow, Officer Kwon."
Finally read the whole thing and omggg i think I've screamed enough in your dms but my heart hurts for soonie 😭 man had me spiralling alongside him and I was so so so so mad at nova at first until I wasn't.... because lowkey I do get her 😭 I FUCKING LOVE THE CHEMISTRY OF THESE TWO BECAUSE ONG THE BANTER WAS BANTERING... especially when he made her laugh cause he noticed she was down:( my sweeties I just know part two gonna eat because nova is already going soft for him:) i so look forward to a more brave officer soonyoung and his even braver training officer. (And more, you know what I'm talking about rn I can't give spoilers to others jejsjs)
IN A UNIVERSE filled with soulmates, you never wanted one, never wanting to be tied down to a stranger for the rest of your life. However, fate always seems to work against you and gives you the worst soul mark you could ever have: a soulmate who seems to have a taste for spicy foods, something that you have a distaste for.
PAIRING: idol!jun x food journalist!fem!reader
GENRE: Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, Angst, Eventual Smut (in Part Two), Enemies to Lovers (One Sided), Romance
AU: Soulmates
TOTAL PT 2 WC: 26k
WARNINGS: mentions of food and eating, mentions of parents divorce, profanities, self-doubt, periods, anxiety, stress, MDNI, sex without protection (wrap before you tap please -> reader is on pill), soft dom!jun, dirty talk, oral (f.receiving), grinding, slight dry humping, missionary position, fingering, cumming, creampie, slight overstimulation (not really because jun is a sweetheart)
PLAYLIST: songs for red, love jun
LIV'S NOTES...
hello everyone! (this will be a bit of a long note - hence the smaller font)
thank you so much for all the love on the teaser as well as part one of the fic! seeing everyones reblogs, likes and comments made me really happy because the amount of love has been amazing <3
as we reach the conclusion of Red and Jun's story (for now) i hope you guys enjoy! reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated hehe <3
do fill up the form if you want to be apart of the taglist <3 options there can be chosen if you want to be apart of my perm taglist or just for the soulmate works <3
also i think that 'thank you's are now in order as we wrap this up hehe:
♡ to @hopecutie: for being the first to beta-read this whole idea and for freaking out over every single screenshot that i've sent to you and for helping me get jun and red to where they are today and for sprinting with me (and for beta-reading this part)
♡ to @gentleisa: for loving this idea so wholeheartedly and for providing me with answers when i wasn't sure about certain things <3 and for sprinting with me hehe
♡ to @cherrymayz: one of my biggest hype women, for writing that essay about part one that spurred me to complete this and for freaking out whenever i sent sneak peeks
♡ to @luvrung: for sprinting with me and for always being so supportive of this idea (and freaking out over jun with me) and for always loving the little sneak peeks i've sent as well hehe
♡ to @jakedustry: one of the lomls who wrote that amazing jeonghan fic that gave me so much motivation to finish and for beta-reading the smut scene and giving me confidence that it was good <3
♡ to @mellowgyu: my biggest supporter who has semi-beta-read both parts, freaked out over every screenshot i've sent and for being the best hype woman i could've ever asked for <3 thank you for all the video calls and just freaking out over jun and red hehe <3
with that, i introduce you to the last (for now) part of jun and red's story <3
PART ONE (WC: 26.2K)
WRITTEN IN THE STARS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST | NAVI
THE CHINESE BUFFET - Week 6 out of 16
As per your agreement with Jun, you find yourself back at Mrs Yang's restaurant for the third time almost three weeks after your last meeting. The two of you had been texting back and forth, trying to find a day between his busy schedule and a free day in yours.
You were already a third of the way through your itinerary and you were getting a little sick of all the Korean food you were constantly eating. You had decided to move all your Chinese restaurants to the day you were going to hangout with Jun so that you could experience it for the first time with a 'connoisseur' — as he referred to himself as, making you roll your eyes, hearing the smug tone even though it was a text message.
The two of you had agreed to meet at Mrs Yang's place before heading to the three restaurants for the day that Jun had curated from the list of places you sent beforehand, plus a few that he highly recommended as a 'connoisseur' (cue the eyeroll again).
You tug your coat on tighter as a gust of wind breezes past you, making you shiver as you wait outside the restaurant, a little earlier than you were supposed to.
You startle, hearing the bell chime behind you to see Mrs Yang poke her head out of the restaurant, her face full of worry. "Goodness dear." She says, spotting the shiver that erupts through your body as she comes out of the restaurant. "Please wait inside for the boy." She chastises, tugging you into the comfort of her shop. "It's way too cold today to be waiting outside."
Your teeth chatter slightly as she pushes you into the chair of the table closest to the window, so that you can see when Jun arrives. She waddles into the kitchen before reappearing with a teapot and two teacups, the same ones that Mr Yang had brought out on the first day you stumbled across the restaurant.
She sets them in front of the two of you before pouring the steaming liquid into the respective cups, her hands slightly wobbling from the weight of the teapot. Mrs Yang pushes your teacup closer to you, a look in her eyes, almost as if she was warning you that there will be arguments if you refuse.
Luckily for her, it was too cold today for you to even want to argue with the older lady, opting to graciously accept the hot cup of tea whilst thanking her in the process. The two of you engage in some small talk, finishing almost the entire pot of delicious tea when a car pulling up interrupts the two of you.
You hear a door slam before Jun appears, his head poking through the restaurant door as he locks eyes with you, panic swirling a little in them. "I'm so sorry." He apologizes, coming into the restaurant. "I lost track of time and was a little late."
You blink, glancing at the clock to see that Jun was about ten minutes late but you didn't notice, deep in conversation with Mrs Yang. You turn back to him, giving him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it." You say, brushing it off as you stand, wrapping your scarf slightly tighter around your neck. "I was in the hands of some really good company." You say, gesturing towards the elderly woman.
Jun lets out a laugh as Mrs Yang gives you a warm smile, no doubt happy with your statement. "The pleasure was all mine, dear." She says sweetly making you give her a smile of adoration before turning back to Jun.
Jun was dressed in an ensemble of black layers that were definitely fit to keep the cold out and the heat in. Same could be said for his Supreme beanie that was covering his ears that you were sure, were as pink as he cheeks are at the moment.
He snaps you out of your analysis of his outfit by grabbing your laptop bag from your chair before giving you a tantalizing smile. "Shall we?" He asks, gesturing towards the door. You feel heat rise to your cheeks a little, trying to will yourself to calm down as you nod.
"We shall." You say, giving him a grin back as the two of you bid Mrs Yang goodbye before stepping out of the restaurant, into the blistering cold.
Mrs Yang watches as Jun opens the passenger door for you, helping you slide into the car before gently placing your laptop bag in the backseat. Mrs Yang feels warmth spread through her chest as she watches you laugh at something Jun says, a cheeky smile on his lips as he slips into the driver seat.
Warm arms wrap around her center, knocking her out of her trance as she leans into her husbands embrace as he leans down to put his head on her shoulder.
"Do you think they'll figure it out?" Mr Yang asks his wife in Cantonese, as the two stare lovingly at the two of you. "They're getting there." Mrs Yang replies, placing her hand on top of her husband's arm. "We just need to wait for fate to do its thing." She adds, smiling as she watches Jun drive off.
THE SPICE OF THE GOLDEN DRAGON - Week 6 out of 16
"Here we are!" Jun announces, opening the door for you as he helps you to get out of his car. You step out of the car and stare at the shop in front of you, your jaw dropping as you whip your head to look at the idol.
"How did you get reservations here?" You ask, instantly recognizing the name of the restaurant. "Don't you need to book a place here at least three months in advance?"
Jun shrugs. "I know the chef."
You gawk at him. "How?"
"We met on some reality show during one of my schedules in China, we got along really well and he told me to call anytime I wanted to eat his food, so…" He trails off, gesturing to the restaurant, "here we are!"
You blink at the idol. "You're really pulling out all the stops to change my mind, huh?"
Jun gives you a cheeky smile. "Of course. If you can only do it once," He winks at you, "you should do it right."
You feel your cheeks warm slightly at the gesture before you internally curse yourself and clear your throat, trying to get your composure back.
Jun notices the slight flush and his cheeky grin grows more. "Aww, do I make you nervous Red?"
You felt your cheeks flush even more at the question before a scowl appears on your lips as you grab his hand. "C'mon Casanova." You quip out, dragging him towards the restaurant as he laughs, following your lead. "We got a bet to settle."
The bet was something that Jun suggested two days ago during one of your 'arguments' with him.
Over the span of the three weeks, you realized that Jun had another side to him. Yes, he was really nice and sweet, like all the various articles and his fans paint him to be but he was also a massive tease. From the day he got your number, it felt like he became a gremlin in your messages. He loved to make fun of you, always had a witty reply to your sarcastic remarks and he knew which buttons to press to get answers out of you.
You were becoming fond of him— a bit too fond, you think. He told you about his soulmate and how much he believes in the idea of it, that fate chose someone for everyone and that it was right. You, on the other hand, could care less about the idea which was where some of the arguments were.
Jun couldn't fathom that you don't even want to meet the person who is meant to be your other half. Likewise, you couldn't fathom how badly he wanted to meet this person who he knows nothing about and could be a serial killer for all he knows. Nevertheless, the two of you were stubborn and not willing to confess your reasons for why you two were the way you were, which led to the bet.
Jun: I bet you that you wouldn't be able to finish even half of the spiciest mala tang that I've ever eaten
You had frowned, reading the message, knowing that you had no reason to accept the stupid bet. You wanted to save your tastebuds at least a little bit of their dignity. Then the three typing circles appeared again and Jun sent another message.
Jun: Bet your soulmate can't handle it either if you want to give him a taste of his own medicine
That sealed the deal for you as you immediately send him a 'You're on' as a response to which he replied with a devil's emoji. You let your mind wander for a while longer before you type a response as well.
Red: But if I'm doing one, you need to do one too
Red: I bet you that you won't be able to eat a whole red velvet cheesecake from Le Petite Treat
You watch as your message statuses changes from delivered to read before Jun's three typing bubble pop up.
Jun: And you're telling me you can?
Red: [Two Images Attached]
Red: Done it twice and will do it again
Jun: You scare me
Jun: You're on
That was how the two of you ended up here.
You sit across from Jun, your leg shaking a little apprehensively as you wait for your order. While you were doing research for your assignment, this place had popped up as soon as you had typed out 'Mala tang in Seoul' as the top restaurant there was.
They had stellar reviews for their mala, marketing it as fine dining quality where every ingredient that could be ordered, was of the best quality and curated per individual. You had breathed a sigh of relief after doing more research and finding out that the wait list had stretched to the end of the year, meaning that you won't have to torture yourself to try it and give it a 'positive review' but, it seemed fate had other plans for you.
"Nervous, Red?" Jun asks, snapping you out of your trance as you continue to bounce your knee under the table. You glance at him, trying to will your palms to be less sweaty as the aroma of the food makes your nerves spike slightly. You could smell the spice coming from the other customers' bowls a few tables away.
"Do I even need to answer that?" You deadpan, making the idol laugh as he shakes his head.
"You could cave now, save yourself from killing your own tastebuds and just share the reason why you don't believe in soulmates."
You narrow your eyes at the mischievous grin that spreads on his lips, his words egging you on making your leg stop shaking. "And let you take an easy win?" You scoff. "No chance."
Jun's eyes glint as he shrugs, his grin only growing wider. "Suit yourself."
His word make you tense again as your leg starts to shake again, rattling the table slightly as you chew your bottom lip. You take in your surroundings to try and distract yourself from the oncoming spice doom.
You jolt when you feel a warm hand rest on your knee, glancing towards Jun who has a reassuring smile on his face. The sight makes your brain blank almost entirely. "Remember our agreement," Jun says gently, giving your knee a reassuring squeeze. "You can order as many drinks as you want, drink as much water as you need to. Anything goes, remember?"
You feel your cheeks flush a lot more as you take in his gentle words and sweet smile, feeling your heart race suddenly. You blame it on the nerves of trying the spiciest mala tang that Jun has ever tried. You flash him a weak smile as a response before a strange determination etches onto your face.
"I'll conquer this!" You say, slightly more sure of yourself and making Jun let out a laugh.
Twenty minutes later, you regret saying those words aloud as you stare at the big bowl in between you and Jun, your face paling slightly. When you had arrived, Jun took the initiative to order for the two of you to share, the deal being that you both had to eat half each. If you manage to finish your half of the bowl, Jun would have to share a reason for why he wants his soulmate. If you don't, you will have to spill instead.
Gazing into the hot fiery soup, you were sure that this was going to play into Jun's favour.
"Alright," Jun says, snapping you out of your daze into the fiery liquid as he places a giant glass of milk tea in-front of you. "Here is your lifeline." He says, a cheeky grin on his face before placing his down on his side of the table. "And here is mine." With that, he slides back into his seat as he leans against the table, locking eyes with you.
"Are you ready for the challenge of your life Red?" He says, his voice low, as if he was a wizard, asking you if you were ready to embark on the most dangerous mission of your life.
Which this might be.
You take a deep breath before nodding, determination glinting in your eyes.
"No time like the present." You mumble to yourself before picking up your chopsticks and let it dip into the liquid of impending doom, slightly wincing at the way the red oil sticks to it. You use your other hand to push your small bowl closer to the shared bowl and start to dig around.
You dish out a portion of noodles as well as a couple of the side ingredients before gingerly pulling the bowl closer to yourself.
Jun interrupts you, mid-movement by clearing his throat making you glance at the idol who motions for you to bring your bowl closer again. You raise an eyebrow before doing as he asks, pushing your bowl closer to the shared bowl again.
You watch in horror as he puts his spoon into the bowl before dishing out some of the red soup into your bowl. You pale as he pushes the bowl back to you, a cat-like grin on his face.
"If you can only do it once, you need to do it right." He repeats his earlier words, the grin widening as you grimace at him before reluctantly tugging the bowl back to where it was.
Jun wastes no time, adding an extra dash of chili oil into his small bowl before digging in, slurping up a little bit of the instant noodles with a few pieces of vegetables. You feel your own tongue start to burn as you stare at him, almost as if you could also taste the spice on your tongue as you watch him eat without a care in the world. He notices your stare making him raise his eyebrow playfully before he gestures to your bowl.
"Eat Red." He says before he gives you a cheeky smile. "Unless you're conceding already."
Your eye twitches as he eggs you on, before picking up your chopsticks and spoon and digging into the bowl. You push some instant noodles into your spoon and get some of the soup before shoving it into your mouth, a sign of defiance against Jun's provoking statements.
To your surprise, there was no immediate regret of something burning on the tip of your tongue, only the burst of amazing flavours and the tanginess of the soup with a hint of spice. You stare at your bowl, a little shell-shocked, not expecting to like the flavours on your tongue.
Jun watches your reaction, an adoring smile on his lips before it grows even wider as you begin to eat more of the food, tasting every ingredient that the chef carefully curated and prepared for the two of you.
"Good?" He asks, as you chew on a fishball. You nod with excitement as you swallow to reply.
"It's not that spicy either! This is one of the best ones that I've ever had."
Jun gives you another grin before putting some more ingredients and noodles into your bowl, filling it. You let out a chirpy 'thank you' before going back to digging in making Jun's heart flutter slightly at the sight.
He freezes a little at the feeling. Why did he feel this way? He shakes his head, snapping out of his trance before telling himself that it was the chili oil making him feel this way. Maybe he added just a dash too much of it into his bowl.
Ten minutes later, you relax into your chair, sipping on your milk tea as Jun polishes off his last remaining bits of food before wiping his mouth with a tissue. "Guess that means I lost then." He says, sighing dramatically as if he was terribly wounded by loosing. You roll your eyes, releasing the straw from your mouth.
"Shut up." You quip out, placing the cup gently on the table with a soft 'thud'. "I can practically hear the smile in your voice."
Jun's eyes glint with a little mischief and smugness. "I don't know what you're talking about!" He exclaims, his dramatic flair increasing by the second as he places his hand on his chest, feigning ignorance making you let out a scoff before reaching over to slap his shoulder.
He lets out a giggle at your actions making a small smile appear on your face as you roll your eyes at him again.
"You're so dramatic. No wonder you're an actor."
"And a good one as well." He says, giving you a wink. You huff, shaking your head before getting down to business.
"Alright Casanova." You say, the sarcasm rolling off of your tongue as you cross your arms on the table. "Spill."
Jun lets out a laugh, shaking his head before crossing his own arms on the table, mirroring you.
"Alright." He sighs out. "I've always been the biggest fan of soulmates, if you couldn't tell." He gives you a side-eye making you breath out a laugh, urging him to continue.
"I grew up in a slightly broken home." He starts, his voice softening. "My parents got divorced when I was two years old because they weren't soulmates. They were set up by a couple of their friends due to them having similar soulmarks but after a few dates, they realized that they weren't each others half."
He shifts slightly, leaning more onto his crossed arms. "Despite that, they really loved each other and decided to try and defy fate. They were happy and they had me… and life was great, perfect even. Until my father found his actual soulmate."
He pauses, letting you slowly digest his words as your heart starts to silently ache for the man sitting in front of you.
"Despite still being in love with him, my mother knew that she couldn't hold him back from his happiness — his true happiness. As much as she wanted to hold onto him, she knew she couldn't because sometimes the best act of love is to let them go, which is what she did." He lets out a bitter laugh, no form of humour in it.
"Being a single mother wasn't easy, she had to work many different jobs a day just so that she could still keep me and sustain the simple lifestyle we had." He recounts the amount of times his grandmother had told him that he should be thankful for his mother, that she worked day and night just to provide for him. "She was the strongest, always making time to pick me up from school, always being the first to sign up for the parent's activities with their kids and she was always the loudest cheerleader during the school concerts."
You smile fondly at that, imagining a young Jun on stage and his mother cheering in the back for him. "She sounds lovely."
Jun nods. "She is lovely." He agrees. "Which is why fate was kind to her and brought her actual soulmate to her. They met in a supermarket that was actually quite out of the way for the two of us. She went to pick up some sauces that day. We ran out of them and the supermarket closest to us were sold out. She could've waited another day, she could've also made do with other ingredients but this dinner was important because…" He trails off, his eyes glazing over more as he recounts the memory. "It was my birthday that day." He whispers making your eyes widen.
He notices your expression and smiles. "She said that I was her lucky charm and that no matter what happens, she never regrets being with my father and having me. Because of me, my step-father and her were able to meet each other and start a life that they didn't think was possible."
He takes a deep breath before locking eyes with you again, his eyes shining with determination and steadiness. "I believe that even if our soulmates are 'assigned' to us, that we still choose them in the end anyways, not because that's how it works, but because they are meant to complete us, that we feel a little lost without them." He breathes out, making your own breathing hitch slightly at his words, feeling a soft deja vu in them. You realize that they were slightly similar to the words Mrs Yang had told you, the first day you walked into her restaurant.
"But what happens when you meet the one and she doesn't want you as much as you want her?"
Jun pauses at that, the cogs in his brain turning as he tries to figure out a way to respond to you. "Then, I'll let her go." He says softly making your eyes widen once again. "I may believe in soulmates and I may believe that fate only gives you one but, my job is already tough enough for every girl I interact with. For my soulmate? It might get even worse."
Jun grimaces at the thought, slowly shaking his head before continuing. "I want her to choose me like I chose her."
You heart thuds against your chest as Jun finishes his story before giving you a weak smile. "What do you think?"
You were silent for a beat. "I think that whoever your soulmate is," you breathe out, feeling a small pit in your stomach. "Will be thrilled that it's you."
He gives you a forlorn, lovesick smile. "You think so?" He breathes out, the question falling from his lips in the softest tone as you nod.
"Trust me, I know so."
Jun's grin widens even more, meeting his eyes as he places one of his palms on your knee again, giving it a small squeeze. "Thank you." He says, before giving you a small shrug. "Not many people know the story, it feels nice… to share it with someone other than my members."
A soft smile creeps onto your face before you place your hand ontop of his that is on your knee, giving it a light squeeze. "Thank you for trusting me enough to share."
He gives you a devastating smile, making your heart skip. You clear your throat, internally frowning at the feeling before attributing it to the milk tea, probably too much sugar.
"Shall we go?" You ask him, slightly tentative that he might need an extra few minutes because of everything that he confessed. To your surprise, Jun stretches in his seat, slowly perking up before the mischievous grin is back on his lips. "Let's do it."
He gives you another wink before helping you to stand up. "So the scores are Jun with 0 point and Red with 1." He starts to commentate as if he was watching a soccer game.
You roll your eyes before a small smirk appears on your face. "We'll see how you deal with the cheesecake, pretty boy."
THE SICKENING SWEET OF LE PETITE TREAT - Week 6 out of 16
As Jun pulls up to Le Petite Treat, you swear your stomach was slightly protesting against you for even agreeing to eat the spiciest thing that Jun has ever tried. The food wasn't as spicy as you thought for sure, but that didn't mean that your stomach was as prepared as it should be for how much mala you ate, delicious or not.
"Remind me to never accept a bet from you on spicy food ever again." You mumble as Jun opens the car door for you. "The aftermath is so not worth it, even if I win the bet or not."
Jun laughs at that as he helps you out of the car with your laptop bag swung across his shoulders. "Well, we're supposed to be giving our soulmates a taste of their own medicine but in this case," He glances towards the pastel coloured sign where 'Le Petite Treat' was written across of it in cursive font. "I think my soulmate will enjoy this more than I will."
A pit forms in your stomach at his words and the wistful tone he uses as he smiles to himself at the idea of his soulmate. You can't help but envy her, this girl that Jun already loves with his whole entire being when he hasn't even met her yet.
"I'm sure your soulmate ran for water as soon as he tasted the mala though." Jun jokes, giving you a small nudge making you snap out of your thoughts. You roll your eyes, a small smile appearing on your face at the thought of some middle-aged man running and gasping for water.
"I hope he did, but knowing how spicy his mala normally is and how I could eat this one." You shake your head. "I doubt that he actually went for water."
"Or, he helped you to train your tastebuds and you are able to eat spicier food than you think."
You ponder about it for moment before you freeze and give him a side-eye. "Are you trying to stall so that we don't need to eat the cheesecake?"
Jun's eyes comically widen as he places a hand on his chest, feigning shock. "How dare you accuse me of such things!" You roll your eyes at his dramatic antics before tugging his arm. "C'mon pretty boy, we did your thing, now we need to do my thing."
He lets out a groan as you pull him into the confectionery shop. As soon as you enter, you are greeted with the amazing smell of sweet baked goods. The smell of chocolate, icing and a bunch of other sweet smells waft into your nose making you sigh, immediately feeling yourself relax.
However, you felt Jun tense up as the smells hit him, his arm in your hand becoming slightly stiff as he looks around the room a little apprehensively.
You give him a glance, a smirk appearing on your lips. "Scared, pretty boy?" You ask, repeating his words from earlier. He peers down at you, blinking before shaking his head, a weak smile on his face.
"Me?" He lets out an 'pshhh' sound, blowing air out of his mouth as he shakes his head. "More like you should be scared of what you need to share when I win this bet."
You raise an eyebrow, at how queasy the idol looks, definitely not a fan of the sweet smells. "Oh really?" You say, loving how the tables have turned as you were the one now goading the man on.
"Alright then, let's find a table."
The hostess leads the two of you to a quiet corner at the back of the sweet shop, giving you two glasses of water and two menus before taking out a notepad and asking what you guys would like. Jun places your laptop down on the seat next to him as you order two red velvet cheesecakes, one for each of you.
Jun's eyes nearly bulges out of his head at the order, his face paling a little but silently waits for the hostess to leave before exclaiming. "One for each of us?!"
You raise an eyebrow at his small outburst, a smirk appearing on your face again. "That was part of the deal, wasn't it?" You say, feigning slight innocence at how much you were enjoying watching the man who was normally so sure of himself, sweat at the thought of a mere red velvet cheesecake. "You can concede now if you want." You say nonchalantly as you shrug. "I can always tell the hostess that we want to share just one cheesecake."
You watch as Jun swallows, his adam's apple bobbing before composing himself with a shake of his head. "No no." He mutters, grasping his cup of ice water as if it would act like a lifeline in this predicament he found himself in. "We agreed one cheesecake and I keep my word."
As soon as the cheesecakes were placed in-front of the two of you, your mouth immediately waters as how beautiful the cheesecake was. Jun, however, looks visibly shaken as he swallows, eyeing the cake as if it was a death sentence.
"It's huge." He mumbles, a little in awe and a little in terror. You hum out, excitement coursing through your veins before taking your fork carving the side of it, getting the perfect first bite. You place the fork in your mouth and chew before letting out a sound of satisfaction, the cake tasting as good as you remember it to be.
"Gosh." You say, nearly tearing up at how creamy and rich the cheesecake was and how the red velvet flavour added a depth to it that elevated it's taste profile.
Jun watches in awe as you continue to dig into the sweet dessert without a care in the world. He smiles fondly at the sight— you look really cute like this.
You had told him extensively about the different food that you love and he wonders whether you would look this cute when you eat those different foods as well. Whether your body will do its little shimmy or whether you will start humming to yourself, like you are doing right now.
Watching you enjoy the cake, felt like enough of a meal for Jun, it was as if he could taste the cream cheese and chocolate just from watching you eat alone.
He freezes at the thought, his eyes widening by a fraction, clocking what he was doing. He shouldn't be looking at you like that, not when you have your own soulmate out there probably looking for you. Hell, not when he has his own soulmate that already has his heart.
"Are you conceding already, Casanova?"
Your question snaps Jun out of his trance, eyes wide as he feels his heart rate pick up from the way you're looking at him, a tiny smirk on your face as you use your fork to gesture towards his untouched plate of cheesecake.
He immediately shakes his head and picks up the fork before gingerly cutting it into the cake, feeling how crumbly and dense it was from just his fork going through it. He was about to take a bite when you stop him.
"Wait, you need to get the perfect bite!" You say, a frown on your face making Jun blink at your expression, his heart clenching slightly as he realizes that this might be the cutest expression you've made so far.
You take his fork from his hands and repeat what you did with your cake, carving it at the edge perfectly so that it has a perfect ratio of both the cake and the cream cheese. You pridefully smile to yourself, no doubt proud for achieving the perfect bite a second time, before holding out the fork for Jun, your eyes glittering with excitement as his eyes flit between yours and the fork.
He takes the fork from your outstretched hand and places it into his mouth before he apprehensively chews on it. His eyes widen at the taste, glancing between you and the cake as if he could not believe he was eating cheesecake.
"Good, right?" You ask, excitement buzzing off of you as you repeat his words from earlier. The brunette man nodded, digging into the cake more as you laugh before requesting two iced earl grey teas for the two of you, something to cut through the sweetness.
The two of you indulge in a little bit of small talk through eating cake and before Jun knew it, he finished the cheesecake in record time. He astounded himself at the sight of his empty plate and you give him a knowing smile, continuing to sip on your tea.
"That was…" He trails off, trying to find the word.
"Earth-shattering?" You suggest, making the older man laugh as he nods.
"I was going to say life-changing but earth-shattering works too."
The two of you share a laugh before silence envelops you, and you smile at each other, your heart fluttering at the interaction before you clear your throat.
"I guess it's my turn now huh?"
Jun eyes you for a moment before gesturing to his empty plate, a teasing smile on his face. "I mean, I think I've eaten my fill of cheesecake for the year for you." He says, his smile widening as you roll your eyes. "Regardless of how delicious it was, I would hope that it means that it's your turn to share."
You scoff, rolling your eyes again at the idol's cat-like grin before taking a deep breath to compose your nerves.
"I actually come from a family that idolizes the idea of having a soulmate." You start, twirling the straw around in your drink nervously as Jun rests his elbows on the table, listening attentively. "My parents were high-school sweethearts. They went to the same school, were in the same circle of friends and they're the same age. Which meant that they had it slightly easier than everyone else, that finding their 'One' was easy because their soulmate was just a person in the classroom next door."
You take a deep breath. "However, because of how easy it was, that was all they ever talked about when my siblings and I were growing up. They thought that turning eighteen was even more important than turning twenty-one because that was the start of your life, that the soulmark depicts how the rest of your life would go and for a moment, we all believed it, but I was always a little doubtful."
Jun's eyes soften as he sees how vulnerable you look at the moment, wanting nothing more than to reach over and put his palm on your knee again, but he stops himself because this was your moment.
"People would say, 'Oh, that must mean you're also excited to meet your soulmate' or 'Do you ever think about what soulmark you're going to get? I bet you do!'." You say, pitching your voice slightly, mirroring all your family members and friends who have shared that consensus with you. "I always played along, gave them a weak smile and laughed whenever they would bring it up but I never felt like that. I kept thinking that something in me will change one day, that the thought of having a soulmate would excite me… but it never did." You say softly, stopping your ministrations on the straw and just stare into the abyss of the clear liquid of your tea.
"I couldn't get over the fact that I would be bound to a stranger for the rest of my life. I couldn't get over the fact that I would need to keep dating over and over again, trying to see if I would find 'The One'." You shake your head. "I could never get over the fact that I would never have the choice, that I would never have a say in this person that I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with."
You let out a bitter laugh. "And hell, it's terrifying being bound to this person because there's so many 'What Ifs' that I think we overlook just because of this magical phenomenon. What if your soulmate lives in another country? Are they just supposed to move just because your life is here? Do you move instead? What happens if both of you are not willing to change for the other? What happens if your soulmate is a psychopath?" You stop yourself mid-ramble, catching your breath.
"I believe that idea of soulmates is nice, I too want to be unconditionally loved by someone and I think it's human nature for us to want that." You shake your head. "But I think that it's more complex than that and we breeze over it because we think that love is enough… until the inevitable crescendo comes down when the spell breaks."
"What if the crescendo doesn't happen? That you're already planning a contingency plan for something that hasn't even happened?"
You peer up from your glass, locking eyes with him as you chew on your bottom lip, contemplating his question. "Then I guess he will need to deal with me being like that for the rest of my life."
You let out a sigh, clasping your hands together as Jun watches your leg bounce slightly, a habit he notices that you do whenever you're nervous or thinking. "I think we're always too willing to go the extra mile for our soulmate but I'm not going to just change myself just to fit my soulmates ideal type because I need to be loved. There's already such a fine line when it comes to soulmates that I think if you change yourself just so that you can fit into the mold of the perfect person for your soulmate, that you would end up resenting them." You shake your head. "And fated or not, I don't think that's how love is supposed to work."
Jun feels a pit in his stomach as you wrap up your story, a perspective about soulmates that he never even thought about before. "I'm sorry." You breath out, fiddling with your fingers as you huff out a nervous laugh. "Didn't mean to trauma dump everything on you."
Jun immediately shakes his head before grasping your hands into his hand, pausing your ministrations. "Don't ever apologize for that." He gently chastises, squeezing your hands reassuringly as you blink at him, eyes wide. "I think it's so brave that even with all those thoughts, you sought out to find this guy. That despite not knowing who he was, you were willing to at least give it a shot to find him. Hell, you even traveled nine hours and researched all the places he could've eaten at just so that you could write a proper story about him."
"Nine hours and forty-five minutes to be exact." You swiftly correct him, your mouth moving before you could even comprehend that you were going to say that. Jun huffs out a laugh, shaking his head.
"However long it took." He says, his smile softening. "It shows commitment and if this guy doesn't realize that and forces you to move here anyway?" He shakes his head, a frown appearing on his lips. "Then he doesn't deserve to be your soulmate, Red. He doesn't deserve you and you have the choice to say no."
Your heart quickens at his words, feeling a few butterflies in your stomach."Really?" You whisper, making the idol nod, his eyes boring into yours with a fierce determination.
"Really."
The two of you were silent for a moment. "Damn Casanova, never thought you would be so good with your words."
Jun huffs at the small teasing smile on your face. "Well, you gave me the name Casanova for a reason." He shrugs, peeling his hands off yours. "Might as well live up to that name huh?" He finishes, tossing a wink your way making you scoff, standing up and grabbing your tea in the process.
"Think we need a tie-breaker now." You say, changing the subject as Jun slings your laptop bag across his shoulders. "Since the scores is Red with 1 and Jun with 1."
Jun raises an eyebrow at that, feeling amused by your goading and challenge in your tone. "Oh, I guess we will need to plan for another day of bets and repercussions then."
Your smile fades into one of slight adoration as you soak in his words, not quite ready for whatever this is to end.
"I guess we do."
THE MINT OF REALIZATION - Week 12 out of 16
"I still can't believe you haven't tried this cafe yet." Jun exclaims, waving one of his hands animatedly, the other on the steering wheel. "It's literally two streets down from the JYP building."
You roll your eyes at the idol's dramatics. "You say that as if I go to the JYP building every day."
"Your brother does."
You scoff at his reasoning. "Yeah but that doesn't mean that I do, Casanova." You shake your head. "I'm not the idol."
You glance at Jun, seeing the small smirk on his face that he's trying very hard to suppress, making you let out a sigh of exasperation at the man's antics. Through the last few weeks of this unlikely friendship, you learned quite a lot about Jun, including his tell when he's messing with you, just to get a reaction out of you.
This was one of the instances.
The flurry of the last few weeks was ultimately a blur for you.
Besides trying out an abundance of food — which may be a bit of an understatement— you would often lounge in your brother's room as the two of you halfheartedly watch a movie together while working on your own work respectively. Chris who was either constantly scribbling down lyrics into his notebook or mixing a new track of his whilst you were writing your daily reports to Minho and Lina or texting Nari who was having the time of her life.
Nari had somehow met her soulmate during her third day of her trip. It turns out that he was a chef and the owner of a really popular restaurant in Milan. You had congratulated her, your chest spreading with warmth for your friend but you couldn't help but feel something in the pit of your stomach as well.
You scolded yourself, the first time you felt it, the dread hitting you in your stomach so hard that it was hard to focus on anything else that day. You realized that the more time you spent with Jun, the more you were opening up to the idea of actually trying to find your soulmate.
It terrified you to no end because how could someone change your opinion on soulmates faster than anyone else ever could?
The long answer that you could figure out that it was because it was Jun. Jun, the one who always talks so lovingly about his soulmate. Jun, the one who told you that 'If you expect disappointment, then you can never really get disappointed' was not the right way to 'approach someone who's soul was the puzzle piece to your own'. Jun, the one who made you believe that you had a choice when it came to your soulmate and that it was up to you if you wanted to choose them or not.
The short answer? Well, you aren't sure if you're quite ready to admit that to yourself just yet.
"Still doesn't change the fact that you've committed a serious food journalism crime!" Jun quips back about the cafe, snapping you out of your thoughts to scoff at the boy's words.
"Don't make me hit you, Wen Junhui."
Jun gives you a cat-like grin, knowing that your words hold no malice as he parks the car in a secluded spot before he grabs his mask and cap from the side pocket of his door.
"C'mon Red." He says before the two of you hop out of his car and walk to the cafe.
This cafe was something that Jun had suggested as a palette cleanser of sort. The bets that the two of you had continued on since the Golden Dragon and Le Petite Treat, the two of you sharing facts about yourself, your families or worst dates that the two of you have ever been on.
At some point, losing the bet didn't feel like losing at all because it meant that the two of you shared something new with each other.
"Remind me what our bet is for today?" You ask him, trying to keep up with his brisk walking.
"I didn't plan one for the agenda today." Your eyebrows furrow as you abruptly stop walking, making the idol pause as well, giving you a look with his eyes as you frown at him. "What?"
"Then why did you suggest the place today if you didn't have a bet?"
The man blinks at you and gives you a shrug. "Just wanted your company, I suppose." You blink at his statement, caught a little off-guard as he continues. "Besides, you have what? A month left in Seoul? I thought I should at least take you to one place that doesn't scream 'Chinese Food'."
His eye lines crinkle as you roll your eyes, a small smile on your face before gesturing for him to lead the way again.
The two of you stop in-front of a red and brown dainty shop, with gold cursive letters 'Ri's Delights' written on it that you've seen on some travel website before. Jun pushes the door open, the bell-chiming as he does before he tilts his head, gesturing for you to go in.
You thank him before your jaw drops at how pretty the infrastructure of the shop is. Full of potted plants and hand painted works. It was the definition of a cozy cafe.
The hostess greets the two of you with a warm smile before ushering both of you upstairs and to a private corner of the cafe. Jun sits opposite from where the door is facing as you take the seat across from him.
"Would you need anything else Jun?" The hostess asks, making you blink at her as Jun shakes his head, removing his mask and giving the hostess a cordial smile. "No thank you Ri, how's the business going?"
Ri, the hostess, gives the idol a tired smile. "Oh you know," she waves her arm in a few circles. "Same old, same old."
"Trying not to get mobbed by tons of angry fans?"Ri grimaces before nodding. Jun gives her a sympathetic smile. "Mingyu says thank you for the newest brownie recipe by the way, he made it the other day and it was one of the best brownies he's made."
Ri smiles at that, flushing slightly at the compliments. "I'm glad! Ask him to send some pictures over!"
Jun hums out an 'I will' as she looks between the two of you, a knowing smile on her face. "I'll bring up your refreshments soon."
Jun gives her another warm smile, thanking her before she leaves the two of you and goes down the stairs. Jun removes his cap once she's out of sight as you turn to him, your eyebrows furrowing.
"You come here that often?" You ask, your tone one of disbelief making Jun chuckle and nod.
"Minghao, Mingyu, Soonyoung and I come here a lot." Jun reveals, carding his hand through his hair as he smoothens it out more. "Mingyu and Seungkwan found this place when they were filming some stuff at the JYP building with Twice and introduced it to all of us. Vernon and Seungkwan come here a lot together but if the rest of us are in the area, we normally stop here to get refreshments."
You hum out a sound of understanding as he continues.
"Ri's the owner of the cafe. She built this cafe for most idols to get away." He gestures to the tables around you that were also empty, a contrast to the lively atmosphere that downstairs was filled with. "The second floor is the 'idol only' floor for idols to meet and chat and whatnot so that we don't get mobbed by fans."
"Oh." You say, a small smile on your face. "That's really sweet."
"She also makes one of the best red velvet cakes and americanos. Mingyu really loves them and always begs her for new recipes."
At that, a bigger smile appears on your face as you lean on the table. "Now, that's something that I can get behind."
"Good." Jun says, his signature cat-like grin appearing on his lips. "Because I already ordered them beforehand so they should be up soon."
Ri swiftly returns with the cake and iced americanos, making your mouth salivate slightly at how amazing the cake looks.
"Wow!" You exclaim, looking at how fluffy the cake looks. "This looks amazing."
Ri gives you a smile of satisfaction as she flushes a little. "Thank you, I hope the two of you enjoy."
She leaves the two of you again. You take a bite of the cake before freezing, your eyes almost bulging out of your head.
"Oh my gosh." You mumble to yourself before taking another perfect bite and internally groan. "This is so good."
Jun gives you a smile as he proceeds to dig in as well, humming as the flavour of the cake hits his tastebuds.
"I only eat the cakes from here because Ri doesn't put in as much sugar as the other places. It's not overly sweet or overly bland, it's just right."
You nod, a smile on your face as you slice the cake with your fork, scooping out more cake.
"I'm surprised your brother didn't even think to bring you here honestly."
"Chris loves sweets but cake is more of my thing, I wouldn't be surprised if he comes and orders those chocolate brownies that I saw in the display."
The conversation flows easily between the two of you as the two of you sip on your drinks and eat the delicious dessert, opting to another another slice to share.
"How's your article coming along?" Jun asks, as he stacks the two finished plates on top of each other, pushing them to the side so the two of you would have more space.
You take a sip of your americano before placing it in front of you. "Almost done with it actually."
Jun's eyes widen as a delighted smile appears on his lips. "Do I get any sneak peeks as your Chinese food connoisseur?"
You give him a cheeky smile before shaking your head. "No can do connoisseur, you can only see it when it's been published."
Jun frowns at that, a pout appearing on his face. "Fineeee." He drawls out, taking a sip of his americano as he sighs. "Guess I'll just wait like everyone else."
You nod, giving him a toothy grin. "Good."
"Are you excited to go back to Brisbane?"
You pause, contemplating the question as silence envelops the two of you.
"Yes and no?" You answer, playing around with the condensation on your plastic to-go cup. "I would love to see my parents again and get back to the nice daily routine of being in Australia but…" You trail off, eyeing the boy in-front of you who has an unreadable expression on his face. "I think I'll miss some things."
The weight of your words lay heavy on the table in-front of the two of you. Jun's eyes flitting around your face before giving you a small smile. "Will I be one of those things?"
You visibly freeze at his words, your mind blanking as he stares at you, a little apprehensively, unsure if he said the wrong thing or not. Your eyes soften at the look before messing with the straw of your drink.
"Maybe one of the bigger things." You softly admit, locking eyes with him. "I mean, how will I know what Chinese food is actually authentic in Brisbane without my connoisseur?"
Jun's lips break out into a grin before he bursts out laughing, which causes you to giggle as well, the two of your giggles filling the atmosphere of the second floor. The laugher settles and a comfortable silence fills it as Jun's cat-like smile softens.
"I'm going to miss you too." He mumbles making a warmth coarse through your veins as you feel your heart beat slightly faster at his words.
Jun gives you a devastating smile before staring out the window at the sun, slowly sinking in the horizon. You feel your heart stutter as you pale when you realize why everything felt so right with him, why everything felt so comfortable.
You like him.
You were falling for a guy that will never be yours, a guy who is undoubtedly so in love with his own soulmate. The way he talks about her, remembers the little facts about her. You feel your heart sink more as you go over every single instance in your head, wondering how and when you had started to fall for him.
However, instead of one moment, a couple of them play in your head. The day at the Golden Dragon and Le Petite Treat being one of them. Have you really liked him for this long?
"Are you alright?" Jun asks, snapping you out of your thoughts as he looks at you, his face filled with concern. You nod, wincing a little at how fast you do, hoping that it didn't look too awkward, as if you were hiding something (which you were, but let's not talk about that).
If Jun notices, he doesn't say anything, stretching slightly as he glances at the time. "We should go soon." He says before showing you his lockscreen, the time shining at you. "Remind me where I need to drop you off again?"
Your mind was a little hazy and out of sorts after you realized that you were falling for the idol so you blink, trying to regain your composure and what your plans were after you were hanging out with Jun.
"Erm." You blink again before it clicks in your brain. "I got dinner with Chris and his members at the Korean barbecue place."
Jun lets out an 'ah' before nodding. "The one that just opened right?"
You nod, your brain still slightly muddled as you sip your drink, draining it of its contents to try and screw your brain back on and clear the fuzziness.
You feel your heartrate start to slow down as you calm yourself down. Just four more weeks and you can put this behind you, is what you think as you dig through your purse, the aftertaste of the coffee starting to bug you.
You pull out a pack of mints as Jun sips on his americano. You shake the tin, getting one into your hand before popping the mint into your mouth, letting it rest on your tongue.
The freshness of the mint ignites your senses as you start to feel the haze fade off.
Jun who was still sipping his americano delightedly, immediately frowns as he tastes mint on his tastebuds making him pull back from his straw as his eyebrows furrow in confusion at his drink.
Jun looks up at you, his mouth opening to ask you to try his coffee when he sees you pop another mint into your mouth, the taste of freshness getting stronger as he blinks at you. You hum a little to yourself as you stare out the window at the sunset.
The pieces suddenly click in Jun's brain as he continues to stare at you. The sunset casts a soft-ray through the window, immediately brightening your features as Jun can't help but gawk at you.
You are his soulmate.
His heart thuds in his chest as he realizes this, but quickly snaps out of it as your phone starts to ring. He glances at it, seeing your brothers name before you pick it up and start talking in English to him.
He catches some words here and there from the little English he knows but his mind was definitely racing as he thinks of whether he should bring it up. His thoughts halt when you end the phone call with a simple scoff and a 'see you later' before turning back to Jun, a apologetic grin on your face.
"That was Chris." You say, letting out a sigh as you rub your temples. "Apparently one of the members skipped lunch so they're on their way to the restaurant now."
Jun's eyes widen as he catches your drift. "Oh!" He say. "You need to go now?"
You give him a small nod, chewing at your bottom lip as you sigh again. "I'm really sorry."
Jun brows furrow, seeing the look on your face before shaking his head. "What are you apologizing for?" He asks softly, fixing you with a sincere gaze that makes your heart thud a little faster in your chest.
You open your mouth, trying to get some words out when your phone buzzes on the table, a message from Chris popping up on your home screen.
Jun glances at it before standing up, grabbing his mask and hat in the process. "We should go." Jun says as he places his hat back on his head and swiftly loops the masks over his ears.
If you weren't still a little out of it, you probably would've realized that Jun was also acting strange but you didn't comment on it, still lamenting on the fact that you had a crush on an un-dateable guy.
Jun pays and shares a few words with Ri before she bids the two of you goodbye with a cheery smile on her face.
The silence in the car was a little awkward.
You only realized it after Jun hadn't said a word the entire drive making you run a million scenarios in your head, wondering if you did something to make Jun angry or upset with you because he hasn't said a word since the cafe.
No teasing remark, no witty quip, it was just silence.
When Jun pulls up to the restaurant and puts his car into park, he tries to quieten his thoughts and compose himself as he turns to you but you surprise him when you go.
"I'm sorry!"
Jun blinks, a little flabbergasted at your outburst as you continue to ramble.
"I know we were supposed to have a more fun day today before you have to leave in two weeks and you know, I promised that we would have time together until dinner but then Chris calls and then we have to cut it short and I—"
"Woah." Jun says, halting your hands that was animatedly swinging around, his eyes wide as saucers. "What are you apologizing for?"
You chew your bottom lip, composing yourself slightly at the warmth of Jun's hands. You take a deep breath. "Well, we're supposed to have a little more time before I go and—"
Jun shakes his head, effectively cutting you off. "I had fun today." He assures you, giving you his signature smile. "This also isn't goodbye just yet, we're still meeting at Mrs Yang's in two weeks right?"
Right, you almost forgot that Jun was going on a schedule in China for two weeks, press for his new upcoming movie.
You nod, giving him a smile. "Two weeks." You assure as he gives you a devastating smile, staring into your eyes.
"Two weeks." Jun repeats, his tone soft before his eyes flit around your face. The action makes your heart flutter slightly as you watch his every action. You pause on his mouth as he darts his tongue out to swipe nervously at his bottom lip.
You feel the air around the two of you change, becoming slightly charged as you two look at each other. You swear that everything tunes out as your senses narrow on his breathing, his pretty honey eyes which you swear flicker down to your lips. You feel his hot breath fan your face, the gap between the two of you getting smaller and smaller.
You watch as his pupils dilate slightly, getting a little darker and you swallow, noticing his eyes follow your movement. You feel both your breaths mixing as the two of you lean closer, his hands slowly coaxing yours to move down, hitting the stick of the car but neither of you acknowledge it, too engrossed in each other.
The moment breaks when your phone rings, making the two of you jolt away from each other as you feel your chest begging for air, unconsciously holding your breath the whole time you and Jun were doing that dance.
You glance downwards at your phone on your lap, seeing Chris's name on it and clear your throat as you compose yourself, feeling all your thoughts come back to you.
"I should—" You say, gesturing wildly towards the car door, wincing slightly at the awkwardness of your tone.
Jun, however, doesn't seem to notice, distracted by his own thoughts. "Yeah." He mumbles, not meeting your eyes. "I'll see you later."
"Yeah." You breath out, grabbing your purse. "Thank you for… you know." You wave your arm around, hoping that Jun catches your drift.
The man swallows before giving you a cordial nod. "Yeah… no problem."
You fling the door open, hopping out as quickly as you can, pausing for a bit before ducking your head in as you clear your throat again, hoping that would cleanse the air of its' awkward energy. "You— Er… Have a safe flight."
Jun visibly swallows before giving you a weak smile. "Thank you, have a good— er… dinner."
You mirror his smile before closing the door and brisk walking away from the car to save yourself from even more embarrassment. You briefly hear the car pull away, hearing the tires screech against the road.
Once you're sure that Jun has left, you lean against a wall beside the restaurant, trying to compose yourself as you feel your heart thud against your chest. You place your palm over it, willing it to calm down as a million thoughts race through your head, but one prominent thought overshadow the rest.
You're absolutely completely fucked.
THE WAY THE CHEESECAKE CRUMBLES - Week 14 out of 16
Between the multiple interviews and press conferences, Jun felt that his auto-pilot feature was in need of a definite upgrade after these two weeks. It was definitely working overtime to make sure that Jun didn't fall in deep into this new feeling of want. He was distracted half the time during the press conferences, doing his best to give full answers during the interviews and he really wanted to pay attention to everything the director was saying.
But he couldn't.
He thoughts were just consumed by you.
You with your little shimmy after eating anything red velvet or cake related. You with that ethereal smile that he swears will heal any illness or bad day. You with your witty remarks and banter that he was going to miss so much.
After realizing that you were his soulmate, he went home and laid in bed, waiting for his brain to tell him that it's a dream, something to wake up from. However, the impending doom never came and he was just there.
The moment he realized it, it felt like everything had suddenly pieced together. How your stories had aligned, how the two of you didn't realize it because you guys somehow always ordered the same foods. How the two of you got along so well together, how the two of you were so comfortable with one another. How that one particular day at the cafe, he forgot his mints in his car and how it had slipped his mind that his soulmate didn't like coffee on her breath but you popped one anyway and he tasted it, on his tongue.
But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was how fate decided to be a little shit and only make it known to him, a month before you were leaving and he was going to be gone for two weeks.
And after that moment in the car, he didn't know where the two of you stood. He whips out his phone, drafting message after message but all didn't seem to be the right thing to say. What could he even say in a moment like this?
'Hey, I know we almost kissed in the car but I don't regret it, do you?'
'Hey, so funny thing, I think you might be my soulmate… Thoughts?'
'So I know you hate your soulmate but what if it was me?'
Jun groaned into his pillow, feeling the pit of dread in his stomach swirl as he felt slightly nauseous with anxiety.
He felt like he was going insane.
Which is why, after (barely) wrapping up the promotions for his new movie, he was on the first flight home and knocking on Minghao's door.
Minghao opens the door looking slightly disheveled, his eyes glassy with sleep as he blinks at the man who was standing before him before glancing at the watch that his member was wearing.
"Why the fuck are you at my door at 2:30 in the morning?" Minghao deadpans, not bothering to lace his tone with fake politeness as Jun rolls on the balls of his feet, biting his bottom lip.
"I found my soulmate two weeks ago and it's Bang Chan's sister."
Minghao visibly freezes at that. Jun watches as his friend almost starts buffering in real time, blinking at him in disbelief.
"What?" Minghao dumbly blurts out, unsure if he heard Jun correctly or not.
Jun tries to calm his racing heart as he repeats the words for Minghao, slower now.
Minghao stares at his hyung before letting out a sigh and gesturing for the boy to come in. Minghao pushes Jun to the bathroom, lending him some clothes to shower into so that they're comfortable and in the right state of mind to have this conversation.
Twenty minutes later with two pu'er teas in either man's hand was definitely a way to start a conversation.
"Let me get this straight." Minghao starts, slowly connecting all the dots in his brain. "You found out the girl is your soulmate because she eats mints after she drinks her coffee and you tasted the mint on your breath?"
Jun nods.
"And then you drop her off at the restaurant where she was meeting her brother, only to almost kiss her then disappear for your promotions for two weeks with zero contact with her at all?"
Jun nods his head again. Minghao presses the bridge of his nose, his eyes fluttering shut.
"And because of some bet that you made with her, she ended up telling you about how much she doesn't like the idea of soulmates and how much of an asshole her soulmate is for his choice of food and how irregular his eating times are?"
Jun nods again, his head getting slightly tired from the movement as he watches the cogs move in Minghao's brain.
Silence envelops the two as Minghao thinks, opening his eyes before shaking his head at the older man. "Damn." Minghao mutters out, unsure of what to do in this state. "I don't know if you guys are stupid or just plain oblivious."
Jun's head snaps up to meet Minghao's eyes, flabbergasted. "What?"
Minghao lets out a sigh before pulling out his phone, fiddling with it for a while before flipping it around to show Jun. Jun leans in closer, noticing that Minghao had a group chat opened. "Look at the name."
When Jun eyes flit to the name, his eyes widen before he fixes Minghao with a look of disbelief.
"You can't be serious."
"Believe me," Minghao starts, letting out a tired sigh. "I wish I was joking. Bang Chan named the group."
Jun's jaw drops. "How many people are in this group?"
"Just three of us, Vernon, Bang Chan and I." Minghao makes a face. "And Seungkwan who was just a little nosy after hearing about your date from Ri."
The group which included Minghao, your brother Bang Chan and Vernon (plus Seungkwan after countless begging) was named 'When will their tastebuds hit them in their face?'It was a valid name, very on brand but it was still weird nonetheless.
"It wasn't a date." Jun weakly replies, making Minghao's eyebrow raise as he lets out a scoff.
"That's what you take away from our entire conversation?"
Part of Jun wants to say 'yes' but he knows Minghao well enough to see that his patience was wearing a little thin, especially since it was almost 3:30am in the morning.
"So, what do I do?"
Minghao stares at Jun for a beat. "Are you planning to tell her?" Minghao asks softly, making Jun gnaw on his bottom lip, contemplating.
"I don't know." Jun answers honestly, his voice low and uncertain. "She already had a hard time accepting the fact that she has a soulmate and she spent so long resenting me…" Jun hesitates, feeling the pit in his stomach deepens more as he clutches the cup tighter in his hands. "What if she doesn't choose me?"
Minghao's eyes soften as he looks at the older man, watching the way his quiet resolve begins to crack after all these years. Jun has been through so much. He went from almost not having a soulmate to having one but now isn't sure what to do about it.
"I think you should tell her." Minghao gently says, watching Jun grip the mug tighter at his words. "You said it yourself, you're going to give your soulmate the chance to choose." Minghao says, his words soft as he tries to reason with Jun. "So let her choose."
Jun hesitates before locking eyes with Minghao, anxiety swirling in his orbs, a giant contrast to Minghao's comforting steady ones. "And if she doesn't choose me?" Jun asks, repeating his words from earlier.
Minghao places a reassuring hand on Jun's shoulder.
"Then you need to make good on your word and let her go."
"So you figured it out."
Jun blinks at Mrs Yang, his jaw dropping as the elderly woman nonchalantly utters the statement.
"You knew too?!"
Mrs Yang snorts at Jun's outburst and nods, pouring herself and the gawking man two cups of tea before placing the kettle back down on top of the stove.
Jun had opted to leave Minghao's house and come to the restaurant earlier to try and get Mrs Yang's opinion on what he should do in this situation. He was lucky that he decided to do that because right after he entered the shop, it immediately began to pour.
The rain was loud, clashing with the old Cantonese song that's flowing through the speaker, no doubt one of Mr Yang's favourites as Jun has heard him sing it a couple of times during his late night escapades.
"I've known since that day that you came in right after she left because you were craving Mr Yang's beef noodles."
Jun is speechless as Mrs Yang sips her tea, blinking at the older woman in disbelief. "How come you didn't tell us?"
She gives him a slight look of disappointment as she shakes her head. "That's not how soulmates work my dear boy." She says, her voice low. "You're supposed to figure it out when you need to figure it out."
Jun feels a frown takeover his features. "Well, a little heads-up would've been nice."
Mrs Yang rolls her eyes at the younger boy's words, taking another long sip of her tea as she urges Jun to do the same. "Are you going to tell her?"
Jun swallows the tea, feeling it's warmth coat his inside before he shrugs. "I don't know if I should, she's leaving in two weeks and I don't want her to stay just because of this."
Mrs Yang's eyebrow raises at the boys words.
"So you're making the decision for her?"
Jun hesitates. "No, I'm not giving her the equation in the first place." Jun tries to reason. "I just think that maybe she's right… we aren't right for each other."
Mrs Yang's eyes widen at the boys words. "So instead of being honest with her, you're just going to let the poor girl believe that her soulmate is still out there? Because you fear that she will choose you?"
Jun darts his hands outwards. "No! Well… Yes but only because—"
"You're my soulmate?"
Jun's eyes widen as he whips around to see you standing there, a crushed look on your face with your umbrella by your side as small droplets of water stick in your hair, no doubt because of the heavy wind that was around.
Jun glances towards Mrs Yang who was pale herself as her eyes flit between the two of you, unsure of what to do or say in this moment. You must've came in and they didn't hear it because of how heavy the rain was.
"Red, I—"
"And you weren't going to tell me?"
Jun feels all the words leave his brain at how broken your the words sounded as they left your mouth, a tone that he has never heard from you before. He opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water before reaching out for you but you take a step back and let out a bitter chuckle.
"I knew it." You mutter to yourself as Jun takes another step towards to, your name urgently but softly escaping his lips.
"Wait, please listen to me—"
You look up at him, your eyes brimming with tears as you shake your head. "I think I've heard enough." You bitterly say before you bolt out the door.
Jun curses before dashing after you, not caring that it was pouring outside. It seemed like you didn't either as you just continue to run away, rain pelting against your skin and hair as you didn't even bother to open up your umbrella.
Jun catches up to you and grabs your wrist in his hands. "Red, please let's talk about this."
You let out a scoff, tugging your hand away as the rain drenches the two of you more. "What is there to talk about Jun?" You ask, your words laced with venom. "It's an open and shut case, you don't want me. End of story."
Jun winces at your words, feeling his hair get wetter and wetter the more the two of you stand here. "Please, let's just go inside and talk, I promise I'll tell you everything—"
"How can I even trust you?!" You exclaim, silencing him as your fiery eyes bore into his slightly broken ones. "You lied to me." You spit out, feeling a sob rising up your chest. "You said that you would give your soulmate the choice to choose but you made the decision for me anyway."
Jun's heart breaks slightly as he tries to approach you and encase you in his arms but you easily shrug him off, pulling away from him more. "Please, just let me explain—"
"You knew about my struggles Jun." You whisper out, your voice somehow cutting through the loud roar of the rain. "You knew about my thoughts on soulmates. You knew how much I've struggled with this and how much I wanted to have the choice."
"Red, please- I—" Jun tries to beg but you silence him.
"Yet, you still chose to make the decision for me." You whisper out, the thoughts solidifying in your head.
Jun felt like he was going to get down on his knees. "Red! Listen to me—"
"You know what the worst part is?" You interrupt, your voice hard as you stare into his once comforting eyes that were now filled with pain. "I wanted it to be you. I kept asking fate for a sign that it was you but it never came and the only time that it came," You shake your head, barking out a bitter laugh, "I find out that you never wanted it to be me in the first place."
Jun's face visibly crumbles at your words, rainwater sliding down his face as he takes a step forward. "Red that's not—"
You hold your palm up, freezing him in place as you take a step back, away from the comfort of the man who you've gotten to know over the past two months. "Don't—" You bite out, your voice cracking slightly as a fresh set of tears prick your eyes, mixing with the rain that had dampened your hair and soaked your clothes.
"Don't call me that." You all but curse at him, your tone broken as the childhood nickname that once brought you peace, just sounded tainted coming from him. "In fact, don't call me at all."
"Red wait—"
You shake your head and take another step back, willing yourself to look at the man who you wanted to give your heart to.
"Goodbye Wen Junhui." You say, your tone hard as you lock eyes with his begging ones. "I hope you're happy."
With that, you turn away, tears pouring down your face as Jun stands there frozen, mourning the one thing that he always wanted as he watches you slip through his grasps again.
THE TEA OF ACCEPTANCE - Week 15 out of 16
After the night in the rain at the restaurant, you had been… off. Chris noticed it whenever you would hesitate while writing your daily reports, how you unconsciously crossed off the sweeter treats on the menu and ordering the sour and spicy foods instead and how you space out every time you even glanced at that damn Seventeen hoodie and sweatpants.
It was getting out of hand.
He knew about your fight with Jun, finding out all the small details from Vernon, who had heard it from Jun himself. While he was frustrated with the older man for lying to you, he couldn't help but also understand where the man was coming from.
You had told Chris about Jun after you spent the day with him at the Golden Dragon and Le Petite Treat, opting for your older brother to find out through you instead of some paparazzi site if the two of you weren't careful.
He had been apprehensive about it at first but his doubts went away after he realized how much happier you were, how you had started humming while typing your articles, how you opted to at least try the spicy food before dismissing it completely and how you were always smiling at your phone.
Chris had suspected that Jun had been your soulmate for a while, putting the two together after meeting up with Vernon a few days after to ask about Jun's soulmark. Vernon had divulged all the details he could making Chris's mouth dry up as he compared the details to your soulmate journal, which he had 'borrowed' from your bag.
Like Mrs Yang, Chris opted to let the two of you figure it out yourselves, thinking that the two of you would come to the conclusion sooner or later.
That really blew up in his face.
He knew that the two of you were hurting now, Vernon and Minghao's never ending messages were a key factor as the three continuously updated each other of the heartbroken half's condition. Chris knew he needed to give you space, but with you leaving in a week and your article not even halfway finished, time was of the essence.
This needed to be solved and fast.
However, he knew that if he tried to even talk some sense into you, that you would avoid him like the plague and shut him out even more.
Which is why with the help of Vernon and Minghao, Chris came up with a plan.
When you wake up from yet another bad night, dark rings under your eyes. You nearly fall off the edge of Chris's bed when you realize that Chris was standing at the foot of it, his arms crossed with a worried expression on his face.
"God." You bite out, giving your older brother a glare. "Do you need to scare the ever-living daylights out of me so early in the morning?"
He ignores your question and tosses you some clothes that were on the dresser. "Get dressed, we're going out."
The clothes smack you in the face, throwing you backwards, making you groan out in pain before shooting daggers at your brother after peeling them off your face. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see." And with that, he walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him as your eyes twitch in annoyance.
After lots of coaxing and pulling, Chris finally got you into the car (after almost tossing you over his shoulder). You let out unhappy noises every few seconds in the car, in hopes that you can annoy him enough so that the two of you would turn back.
"You know, the more you make those sounds, the faster I'm driving." Chris says, giving you a side-eye before his eyes refocus on the road. "You forget that we stayed in the same house for majority of our childhood, I know all the tricks in your book."
You sulk when he catches on, turning to look out the window as you lean against it. He turns into a familiar street making your eyes narrow before stopping outside of the familiar neon sign that has plagued your thoughts for the first few weeks of your trip.
"Why are we here?" You ask your older brother, your voice quiet as you notice that the restaurant was closed due to the sign.
Chris puts the car into park before turning to you, his arm slung over the steering wheel of his car, while the other rests lazily at his side. He eyes you for a beat, trying to gather his thoughts before he speaks.
"I know that you and Jun are going through a rough patch and I know that you're stubborn to the point that whatever I say will not get through to you." Chris softly admits, his expression one of remorse as you meet his eyes with your puffy ones.
You feel a surge of guilt, opening your mouth to respond but he halts you by raising his hand. "Let me finish Red."
You close your mouth before giving him a curt nod, urging him to continue. "I know Jun broke your heart. I also know that by keeping it from you for two weeks, it feels like he betrayed your trust but since neither of you want to talk to each other, I brought you to the next best source."
Chris gestures to the restaurant, making you turn your head as well to see Mrs Yang coming out of the restaurant.
"I can't tell you to forgive him or force you to because that wouldn't be fair to you, so Vernon and Minghao suggested that I bring you to the woman who helped to raise all of them and knows them for their hearts. Vernon and Minghao offered to meet you as well to help but they thought that maybe you would be more comfortable listening to her instead."
Chris's eyes soften as you meet them again, as he reaches to grab your hand, to give it a small reassuring squeeze. "However, this choice is all yours. You can choose to take the leap and hear what Mrs Yang has to say or," Chris shrugs, "We can leave right now and I'll help you tell Jun that you want nothing to do with him."
Your mind races with a bunch of jumbled up thoughts as you look between your brother and the older woman waiting outside her restaurant. Your eyes drift towards the soulmate art that you can see through the window, the art of love that brought Mr and Mrs Yang's souls together and your breath hitches as you make your decision.
"Pick me up in two hours."
Chris smile softly at your answer as he nods, withdrawing his hand from yours but not before giving it one last warm squeeze.
You step out of the car, slamming the door shut behind you as you dig your hands into your pockets, the cold pricking your skin despite the hoodie that you were wearing.
"Red?" You hear Chris call for you, making you turn to face your brother who had a sentimental look in his eyes. "I'm really proud of you."
You feel a warmth spread through your chest as you nod, giving him the most sincere smile you muster in days. The sight makes him grin before he gives you a wave and pulls away.
You take a deep breath to compose yourself before turning to walk towards the lady who had a sympathetic smile on her face. She loops her arm through yours.
"Come dear." She gently guides you to the restaurant. "We have much to discuss."
You sit there, in a comfortable silence as Mrs Yang appears with the same two teacups and teapot, placing it in front of the two of you.
She silently pours the tea for the two of you. "We have green tea today." She says, pushing your teacup closer to you. "I hope that's okay with you."
You nod, taking the cup into your hands, soaking in the warmth as you mutter out a small 'thank you' before taking a sip of the tea, feeling the warm liquid flow down your throat comfortingly.
"Not open today?" You ask, trying to keep the mood light. Mrs Yang nods, placing her own cup down after she takes a sip.
"We have a booking tonight for another Lim gathering so Mr Yang and I opted to just close the restaurant for the afternoon." You hum out, digesting her words.
Silence fills the room as the two of you sip your tea, Mrs Yang letting you settle the turmoil of feelings in your head and only approach the elephant in the room on your cue.
"When I was growing up, my parents always talked about soulmates as if it was this lovely feeling that they felt when they turned eighteen but it just never felt right to me." You say, feeling slightly tense in your chest. "I always tried to believe in them, I really did but I never felt any excitement or that rush to find them. I just felt…" You trail off, trying to find the word.
"Empty?" She offers making you snap your fingers, saying the word that you were thinking of. "Yeah," You swipe your tongue against your bottom lip, wetting it slightly, "Empty."
You take a sigh before you continue. "And then I met Jun and all those doubts of how I would react when I met my soulmate just slowly became less loud. He reassured me that we all had a choice, that we have the right to say no to our soulmate." Your voice softens, recalling his words that fateful day. "But then he went back on his word as soon as he realized it was me and he just decided that I didn't have that choice anymore."
Mrs Yang is silent for a beat, digesting all the words that you have just poured your heart and soul into as you watch the gears in her head turn.
"You know," She starts, leaning against the table, "I hated Mr Yang when we first met."
You feel your eyes widen as you blink at her, your jaw dropping open a little. That had to be the most bizarre thing that Mrs Yang has said in the last two months that you've known her. You think about all the small loving interactions that you've seen her do with her husband and your jaw goes slack, dropping open more as you swear your brain starts to buffer.
She laughs a little at your reaction. "Close your mouth dear." She teases lightly. "You'll catch flies." That makes you snap your jaw close but the expression on your face doesn't morph, still slightly surprised.
"When Mr Yang and I first met." She starts, her face morphing into one of wistfulness and nostalgia. "We were barely thirteen. He moved in next door after his parents had moved from Beijing due his father's job. My parents had always warned me about boys from the bigger cities so I avoided him like my life dependent on it." She shakes her head, recalling the stories. "I still remember the first time he saw me and how his eyes had widened. He had told me that he felt a certain pull towards me that he had never felt before. So, he began to try and get my attention by trying to walk me to school one of the mornings."
You felt a small smile appear on your face as you imagine a young and hopelessly in love Mr Yang, chase a younger Mrs Yang who wanted nothing to do with the man. "But as he was walking with me, he was so excited that he accidentally pushed me into the river that was ten meters away from the school gate."
You let out a gasp at that as she nods her head, her eyes crinkling as she shakes her head. "I was furious, called him a stupid boy and told him to never come near me again." She lets out a huff as she crosses her arms. "Of course, he was very stubborn and he didn't listen to me. He kept trying to get my attention, tried to sit next to me in class and asked to walk me everyday until I agreed because he wore me down."
You let out a soft laugh, thinking about how Mr Yang lovingly begged his future wife to let him walk her to school.
"And then everything changed when we turned eighteen and the mark on our arms had appeared. I was furious with the universe for pairing me up with the most insufferable boy that I've ever met."Mrs Yang admits, shaking her head as she recounts her brazen younger self. "I didn't even give him a chance but he never wavered, he always tried to get my attention and he always tried to change my mind." She says softly, her tone turning slightly sad as she takes another sip of her tea.
"One day I fell really sick and he visited me everyday, tending to me, telling me jokes. My parents knew that he was my soulmate because I complained about him every chance that I got so when he begged them to let him take care of me, they did because they knew that he was sweet." Mrs Yang says, looking at the tea in her cup as a soft sad smile appears on her lips.
"When I asked him why he was being so nice to me when I was nothing but terrible to him, he just gave me a loving smile and said that even if he would never be my one, I will forever be his. He said that he knew how trapped I felt when I couldn't make the decision myself, to choose who I want to love for the rest of my life."
Your heart clenches as Mrs Yang looks over at the weaved art that she told you about the first day you were here and smiles at it, her eyes filled with love and adoration. "So after that day, I felt that pull he was talking about and decided to give him a chance and…" She trails off, gesturing to the beautiful restaurant that she built from the ground up. "This was the fruit of our labour."
You look around the restaurant, letting her story sink in as she turns to look at you, her eyes soft as she reaches for your hand. She pats your hand gently before squeezing it tight making you turn to lock eyes with her as she gives you a sweet smile.
"Jun and the rest of the boys have been coming here since they were young teens, because the old Pledis building used to be down the street from here." She says, gesturing to the right of the left of the restaurant, the same street you ran down on your second day here. "They always came in here, excited to tell Mr Yang and I whenever they had some kind of sign from their soulmate." She chuckles a little, reminiscing the old memories, a small forlorn smile on her face.
"But Jun was the only one who didn't get a sign." She admits softly making a pit form in your stomach at her words. "My guess was that because you hadn't turned eighteen yet, the soulmark was not as prominent for him as it was for you when you turned eighteen." She says softly making you recount your eighteen birthday and how ready you were to curse out the boy who was ruining your tastebuds.
"He was here, the day you turned eighteen. He came in after a hard day of practice with Minghao, Chan and Soonyoung and while he was silently watching them, you doused his tastebuds with water while he was eating his mala tang." She softly laughs to herself as she shakes her head. "You should've seen the adoring look on his face when he realized that he found you, that you came to him and that because he never stopped yearning and wanting you that fate gave you to him."
You feel your heart race as you digest her words, a small pit of guilt swarming in your stomach making you slightly nauseous as you take a sip of your tea, hoping to calm your inner turmoil.
"I'm not saying that you should forgive him, my dear." Mrs Yang says, her voice gentle. "But sometimes people make stupid decisions when they're scared and afraid to lose the one they love the most. He didn't want you to give up your life for him and move here and he was also afraid that you would forsake him if you knew that it was him. He wanted you to keep the happy memories of him instead of the bad one that you had of him." She pauses for a moment, contemplating her next words before saying. "He loves you so much that even if you never choose him as your one, you will always be his."
Her words struck you at your core as you feel a set of tears brimming your eyes. Jun had been nothing but loving and supportive. He cracked jokes with you and always made sure you were comfortable and was so in tune with you.
You probably should've realized that he was your soulmate too. The fact that you were so comfortable around him even though you slightly despised him when you first met him. The way that he always knew what you needed before making it known to him. The fact that he could make your heart flutter, with just that signature smile of his.
The undeniable pull that you've had to Mrs Yang's restaurant and the fact that you met him the same day— what are the chances of that happening?
In that moment, everything clicked together, the puzzle pieces suddenly aligning as you feel your heart lighten.
"I'm in love with him." You whisper out, loud enough for Mrs Yang to hear, as the realization hit you hard and fast. "That's why it hurt so much when I thought he didn't choose me."
Mrs Yang's eyes glaze over slightly as you look at her, a watery smile on her face as she sees that you've made your decision. "Then you need to tell him, my dear."
A million fresh new thoughts race through your head, figuring out a way to tell Jun when one thought strikes you and you freeze, a small smile creeping on your face. "I got it." You whisper out before looking at the older woman in front of you. "But I'm going to need your help."
SUNFLOWER SEEDS OF WISDOM - Week 15 out of 16
Jun collapses on the floor, his energy completely drained as he stares at the ceiling, feeling numb to everything around him. He glances at the clock and lets out a sigh when he realizes that he still has an hour before all the members come in.
Sleep had been hard for Jun the past few days. He felt like his heart had just shattered into a million pieces since that day you left him in the rain. He had tried to text you and call you multiple times but you had blocked him on everything that was available. Vernon and Minghao told him to give you time, that you just needed space to deal with everything but you were leaving in three days. He thought of showing up at the airport, to try and catch you before you get on your flight. However, he didn't know any of the details of your flight because he was supposed to be leaving for China that same day, to start filming a new movie that he was starring in.
He lets out a groan as he places an arm over his eyes, feeling the sense of dread coarse through his veins as he sighs. Jun nearly jumps out of his skin as he hears the someone slam into the practice room door, a very loud groan of pain ringing out from them after it.
Jun frowns, sitting up as he hears the person fumble for the door handle. He walks towards it, to help open the door for whoever it was, before the door swings open as Minghao, Vernon and Seokmin step into the room.
Minghao has his hand on Vernon's shoulder, carefully guiding the younger boy who was wincing, into the room while Seokmin trails behind them, dark rings under his eyes with a frown on his face.
Jun's eyebrow raises at the three of them before glancing back at the clock again, thinking that he read the time wrong. However, only five minutes had passed since he last checked it. He turns back to them, a frown on his face. "What are you guys doing here?"
Minghao looks between the two of his companions, one in pain and the other in a bad mood before sighing. "Vernon got a message from Bang Chan today about something that his sister published." Minghao says before gesturing to Vernon who Jun didn't notice had his phone out in his other hand which was on speaker, no doubt his soulmate on the other end.
"He was on his way over to tell you when his soulmark hit and he walked into the door while his soulmate was trying to guide him."
Jun feels his heart race at the mention of you but winces when he notices how much pain Vernon was in and how glassy his eyes were, a sign that his soulmark is currently active. "Does he need to see a doctor?" Jun asks, a little cautious of the younger member.
A snort rings through the phone. "He'll be fine." Vernon's soulmate chirps making Vernon glare at his phone. "He's just a big baby who didn't give me enough time to tell him where to go before charging at the door like a Matador who has seen a red cloth."
"For the last time Tupaki," Vernon says, his tone on edge with a slight hint of pain, no doubt from hitting his head into the door. "The Matador is the person holding the cloth, not the bull."
Tupaki, the nickname that Vernon had given his soulmate puzzled Jun to no end, the reference entirely going over his head whenever Vernon tried to explain it to him. His soulmate, however, always seemed to express a lot of displeasure at the nickname. This time was not any different. Tupaki let out a scoff at Vernon's words before letting out her own quip through his phone.
"At least I don't have shitty movie taste like you, Alien." Vernon lets out a scoff at her retort.
"At least I have better comebacks, Tupaki." Vernon deadpans as he starts to blink, his eyes becoming less hazy as they begin to focus on Jun and Minghao standing in-front of him.
"I think our visions are switching back." Vernon notes making his soulmate scoff over the phone.
"Thank you Captain Obvious." Vernon let out a scoff at her deadpanned remark, shaking his head at her antics.
"Just thanking the stars that I don't need to watch whatever B-grade movie you're watching anymore."
"Aww," She says over the phone, her tone dripping with faux honey, "and here I thought you love it when I show you taste that you could never have." Vernon lets out a snort at the comment before the glaze in his eyes disappear.
"You wish Tupaki." Vernon says, hovering a finger over the end call button. "I'll see you during our monthly movie review."
"Not if I die first from whatever movie you're choosing next." She says back making Vernon shake his head as he ends the call.
He turns to Jun, Minghao and Seokmin who are staring at him, making him scratch the back of his neck, a little sheepishly.
"Sorry about that." Vernon states, immediately using his phone to find the article. "Let me find the article for you… one sec."
Jun's heart races as he sees Vernon key in your publisher name into the blog and began to scroll before Jun looks over at Seokmin who looks more deflated than usual. He turns to Minghao, a frown on his face.
"Is Seokmin alright?"
Minghao glances at Seokmin before letting out a tired sigh. "It's not Seokmin." He says. "Sunflower's been stuck in his body for the whole night, and I think she was getting a little overstimulated by all the lines she needed to record on his behalf. So I suggested that she come with us to get out of the house."
Jun lets out a hum of understanding. "Are they going to swap back soon?" He asks, watching Sunflower sit down and lean against the mirror, muttering a few curses to herself.
"I hope so." Minghao says. "Sunflower has a test for her classes later today and if she doesn't change back, Seokmin might fail her paper." Jun shudders at the thought of the last time that happened and how Sunflower nearly killed someone in Seokmin's body during the week they were doing promotions for Seventeenth Heaven.
He really hopes that Seokmin had been studying Sunflower's material for her Masters properly.
"Found it!" Vernon exclaims making Jun and Minghao jump slightly as he abruptly appears beside the two of them, your article plastered on his phone screen. Vernon grimaces a little as he holds his head again making Minghao sigh.
"Let's go get your head checked." Minghao says before giving Jun a glance as Vernon sends the article Jun's way. "Read the article and keep an eye on Sunflower."
With that, the two of them leave the room, leaving Jun with Sunflower who looks like she has a dark cloud over her head. Jun walks over to her before taking a seat next to her, giving her a small glance.
Sunflower, who looks more tired than ever in Seokmin's body just glances back at him before going back to stare at the uneven floorboards.
"How are you feeling?" Jun asks Sunflower gently.
Sunflower huffs out a sigh, playing with the strings of Seokmin's hoodie. "I love Seokmin but…" She shakes her head."I hate being in his lanky body, it's so disorientating every time we swap bodies."
Jun gives her a sympathetic smile as she continues to fiddle with the strings, tying it into a small bow before releasing it and repeating her actions. Sunflower had been around since Seokmin turned eighteen, immediately acting different the morning of his birthday.
It took a while for the two of them to work out a system that worked especially with Sunflower running her own business and doing her Masters. However, they made it work despite being almost polar opposites of each other.
She glances at his phone, seeing the link that Vernon had sent to him. Gesturing to it, she asks, "What's that?"
Jun peers downwards at his phone for a beat before meeting her eyes again, a sad smile on his lips.
"My soulmate's newest article."
Sunflower lets out a sound of acknowledgement. "Ah, the food journalist?"
Jun gives her a look. "You know about her?"
Sunflower tiredly nods, messing with the strings of Seokmin's hoodie again. "Minnie and I have a journal where we update each other of important things so that if we swap for long periods, we know what's going on and we don't get jumpscared."
Hearing the endearing nickname fall from Seokmin's mouth took a little bit of getting used to but Jun smiles all the same.
Jun would say that he was one of the closer ones to Sunflower, having always kept an eye on her whenever Seokmin and her swapped souls. She was quiet and she didn't like being around the louder members that much — ironic, Jun used to think, seeing as her soulmate is Seokmin — so he always ended up near her and in her bubble, just to keep her safe.
"Is it bad that I'm worried to open up the article?"
Sunflower tilts her head, pondering it over before shaking her head. "To be honest, I think it would be a problem if you weren't worried about it. The article is about you after all."
Jun chews lightly on his bottom lip, staring at the link as if it was about to explode and blow him to bits. He blinks when he sees Seokmin's hand, outstretched towards his phone before he looks up at Sunflower, who has a neutral expression on Seokmin's face.
"Give it here."
Jun blinks at her again, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. The girl let out an impatient huff.
"If you're too scared to read it, let me do it first." She says glancing between him and the phone. "Then I'll let you know if you should read it or not."
Jun's eyes widen as he gives the girl a soft smile. "You'll do that for me?"
Jun watches her eyes soften slightly as she nods. "You're always doing nice things for me." She says softly. "The least I could do is repay the favour."
Jun's chest warms at her words before passing the phone to her without a second thought. Sunflower leans back against the mirror and presses the link. She levels the phone with her eyes as she begins to scroll.
Jun chews on the inside of his cheek, feeling his nerves increasingly spike with each passing moment. After what feels like an eternity, she abruptly turns back to the nervous man who jumps, upon seeing her swift movement.
Her expression is unreadable as she passes the phone back to him without a word.
Jun glances between her and the phone before gingerly taking it into his hands. "So?" He asks, softly with a bated breath, a little afraid of her answer.
Seeing the apprehension on her face, her eyes soften a fraction before pushing the phone closer to Jun, a gesture for him to read it.
Jun feels his heart race in his chest before glancing back at his phone, seeing that Sunflower had scrolled all the way back up before giving it back to him. He takes a shaky inhale before he begins to read, his mouth going dry as he reads the title.
"The Taste to my Soulmate's Heart"
Jun composes himself a little, swallowing before he scrolls down to see a picture of the Chinese restaurant that he has been going to since pre-debut. Mr and Mrs Yang were standing outside the shop, loving and adoring smiles plastered on their faces.
He reads as you write about the love story between the two and how they built this restaurant from the ground up for those who sought comfort in terms of food. He feels his breath hitch when he reaches the soulmate portion.
As for how this couple is connected to my soulmate, the first food I tasted on my eighteen birthday was from this shop. I could've sworn that my soulmate hated his tastebuds from the moment he accosted mine with the Mala tang that he ate from this shop but as I got to know him, I realized that he was trying to share a part of his life with me, intentionally or not.
My soulmate lived in China for most of his adolescent life before moving to Korea, to pursue something of his teenage years. He found this restaurant with the rest of his friends and it became a sanctuary for them.
Now, if you have read my previous few articles, you would know that I'm not a huge believer in the soulmate theory. But during my second day in Korea, I ran into this restaurant to save myself from the rain and had the best Chinese food that I've had in years. It felt familiar yet comforting but I couldn't place where I had tasted it from.
It turns out, after I left, I tasted the same taste again and my soulmate had apparently went into the restaurant a couple minutes after I left, seeking the same comforting Chinese food because I had it.
We met coincidentally two weeks later because I felt an undeniable pull to the restaurant. I had absolutely no reason to be there but cancelled my plans for the day and went anyway, curious as to what this tug was all about. Standing outside the restaurant, I contemplated going in, a little anxious about why I felt this pull when he appeared behind me and started teasing me as if it was second nature.
I should've known that he was my soulmate then but we started to make a few friendly bets here and there and we started to meet up more and got really used to each other's presence. We were on different ends of the soulmate scale, he was super in love with his while I was apprehensive about mine.
However, because we were being complete idiots, we ate the same foods almost all the time, so we didn't realize that the puzzle piece for our soul was actually sitting across from us, giving the other shit about our different taste preferences.
He loved spicy and sour food while I love my sweet food.
He loves his soulmate to bits while I hated mine.
On paper, we sound too different to work but as Mrs Yang told me during my interview with her:
'Soulmates aren't meant to be similar to you. They are meant to be the one that completes your soul, fill the gaps so that the two of you feel complete when you are together. Independently, you will survive without each other but being together, makes everything feel as if it was meant to be.
As if it was written in the stars themselves.'
So my soulmate, if you're reading this, 如果你还愿意接纳我，我选择你.
Jun feels his heart stop as he reads the last few words that were written in his native tongue, meant just for him. He lets out a sound of disbelief, feeling his heart start to race as the message speaks to him.
'If you're still willing to accept me, I choose you.'
You choose him.
If you still choose me, meet me at the special place. The place where it all started.
Jun feels his heart drop as he reads that, he was going to be busy for the next few hours with practice and he also has the jacket shoot later for the upcoming album. He frowns even more as he begins to rack his brain, thinking of a way that he can do everything.
Sunflower, who has been eyeing him the whole time, frowns a little as she notices his face paling. "What's wrong?" She bluntly asks, snapping Jun out of his inner turmoil as she peers to look at his phone screen, noting where he was in the article. "Isn't the article good? She chooses you."
Jun eyes the girl in Seokmin's body. "You can read Chinese?"
Sunflower snorts, her eyes narrowing at the older man. "You basically just read your soulmate professing her feelings for you and you choose to focus on that?"
"Yes." Jun blurts out without thinking, his nerves getting the better of him.
Sunflower closes her eyes, letting out an exhale through her nose as she mutters low curses to herself before she fixes her eyes on Jun, a slight glare in them.
"Are you not going?"
Jun hesitates, thinking about the amount of events that he has today and shakes his head. "I can't."
He really really wants to.
It's all he can think about right now.
He wants to leave the practice room and run to you and tell you how sorry he is and how he's been in love with you even before he met you. How he doesn't like sweet things, but he always loved it when he tasted it from you. How upset he felt during the week where you had your pettiness streak and felt like everything was his fault. How he loves you so much that it feels as if it was inevitable the second his tastebuds were sanitized by the water you gulped on the day of your eighteenth birthday.
But he can't.
Sunflower gives Jun a blank stare.
"Get out."
Jun blinks at her. "Excuse me?"
She rolls her eyes, seeing the expression on his face before wrapping her arm around Jun's to yank the two of them to their feet. Jun stumbles slightly, caught off-guard at the abruptness of her actions as he blinks at the girl whose expression didn't waver.
She lets go of his arm, letting out a huff of exasperation. "如果你还愿意接纳我，我选择你."
Hearing perfect Chinese leave Seokmin's mouth stuns Jun but he quickly recovers as she shakes her head at him. "Jun, for as long as I have known Seokmin, you were the one who has been so in love with your soulmate even when you didn't know you had one. You yearned for her, wanted her and chose her every single time that you could. While others went to seek their soulmate out, you were patient and you never once pushed the girl of your dreams into your arms. You waited for fate to do its thing."
She gestures to the article. "And this is fate giving you the biggest sign in the universe that it's time to take action." She shakes her eyes, her eyes softening as she looks at Jun. "Fate already brought her to you at the restaurant, gave you the courage to keep talking to her and gave you the mint sign which is how you discovered it was her in the first place."
She pauses at her last statement. "Even though the two of you were quite blind about it for a while and they quite literally had to shove it in your faces."
Jun scoffs at her words, opening his mouth to retort but she ignores him and continues to talk.
"My point is," She starts, pressing a finger on Jun's phone to scroll to the Chinese words that have been spiraling in his head. "You've been waiting for her your whole life. Are you really going to let her slip through your fingers again?"
Jun felt his breathing stop at her words, hitting him straight in the chest as he feels his blood run cold at her stern words and stare.
She was right and he needed to leave right now.
Sunflower's eyes soften, noticing Jun's gaze slowly grow more determined by the second.
"Go." She pushes again, gesturing to the door. "Before it's too late."
Jun's tongue darts out to wet his lips as he hesitates. "But what about—"
She holds up a hand, interrupting him before he can spiral again and shakes her head. "I'll tell Seungcheol." She assures him, as if he could read his mind. "You and I both know that he would've told you to do the same thing."
Jun feels his heart warm at the assurance before nodding as Sunflower all but chases him out of the practice room. "Now, get out of here."
She throws him his bag which he catches with ease as he turns to run out of the room but Sunflower stops him with a call of his name.
"Yeah?" He asks, turning to her.
She stares at him for a beat before a rare smile appears on her lips. "Go get her."
Jun returns her words with a soft smile, his heart racing as he is fueled with adrenaline. He nods, bidding the girl in Seokmin's body goodbye before racing to Mrs Yang's restaurant to find you, because at the end of the day:
He's always chosen you.
SUGAR, SPICE AND EVERYTHING NICE - Week 15 out of 16
You think that waiting for Jun to arrive, is scarier than the day you were waiting to hear back about your internship application. Your older brother told you that Vernon had already delivered the message of your article to Jun and you just needed to wait for him to arrive.
You are about ninety-nine percent sure that Jun will arrive but that was about two hours ago.Jun still hadn't turned up and you were sure that you were going to burn a hole into Mrs Yang's entranceway if you keep pacing like this.
Mr Yang and Mrs Yang were closed for the day, opting to give you and Jun the space the two of you need to sort through the miscommunications and feelings.
"Deep breaths." You mutter to yourself, trying to will your heart to slow down. "It's only Jun. A person you spent the past few weeks with, he isn't a stranger."
He also is your soulmate but you're trying very hard not to think about that right now.
A million thoughts race through your head as the minutes continue to tick by.
What if Jun didn't read the article at all?
What if Jun read the article and he hated it?
What if he didn't choose you in the end anyways because of what you said to him the other day?
What if—
The bell chime cuts your thoughts off as your head whips to the door to see Jun standing there, his hair slightly disheveled, beads of sweat sliding down his face as he pants, his gaze unfocused until they land on you.
Your heart beats faster in your chest as you feel nerves prick your skin as you look at the man who appears as if he had just ran a marathon.
"Did you run here?" You ask, a little in disbelief as Jun shakes his head 'no'.
"Drove here but then," he pants, bending down a little to catch his breath, "my car got stuck in a jam so I parked and ran here"
"But why—"
"I couldn't risk letting you slip through my fingers for the third time."
His answer makes your heart stutter as he looks at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes.
Silence envelops the two of you as you feel your brain blank as it hits you that your soulmate is right in front of you. The
"Red." Jun whispers out as he reaches for you, his breathing beginning to steady but his heart still racing with adrenaline. "I've never wanted someone as much as I've wanted you. My whole life, I've been searching tirelessly for you and I always waited for the universe to give me a sign of something or anything, just so that I knew that you were there."
He steps closer to you, gently taking your hands into his. "But the moment I got you in my arms, I was a coward." He says, slightly bitter at himself. "I let you go without giving you the chance to choose because I was afraid. I was afraid that you wouldn't want me, that you would resent me for putting you through so much pain because of my food preferences and my irregular schedule."
He let out a shaky exhale. "I was afraid that I wasn't going to be good enough for you. That I wasn't worthy to be yours."
Your breath catches as he admits that, slowly pulling your hands into his as he looks at you, his eyes filled with vulnerability. "But I can't let you slip through my fingers again when I want you so much that it hurts." He whispers, his eyes boring into yours.
"I choose you, Red." His hands tighten around yours. "Please say that you'll choose me as well."
You feel your heart skip a beat as you step closer to him, a small smile on your features as you feel the undeniable pull towards him, the one that you weren't sure of before but are now.
Mrs Yang's words from two weeks ago flow back into your mind as you stare into the eyes of your soulmate.
The feeling was always pulling you towards your other half, the one that is meant to complete your soul, to fill in the gaps that you didn't know were there in the first place. You're the sweet to his spice and you match each other so well that you know that it's meant to be.
Jun feels his nerves spike, feeling slightly tense, the longer you keep him waiting. So he does what he does best, he starts to ramble.
"I mean, if you still need time to consider it, you can take your time and think. I know I dropped a bomb on you by confessing that I'm basically in love with you and you should take all the time you need before you make a decision because I clearly want you to make the right one and—"
You interrupt him by giggling as you stand impossibly closer to him, a sweet smile on your face as you stare into your soulmate's eyes with your twinkling ones. Jun feels his mind blank from any thoughts of the tangent that he was just on as he peers down at you, feeling your breath on his face. He feels his cheeks and the tip of his ears heat up from how close you are to him, as he swallows, hoping to bring one working thought back into his brain.
You gaze into his eyes, making your decision. "I love you, Wen Junhui." You admit softly, your smile never wavering. "I unconsciously chose you the first day we met but I'm making the choice to choose you now, forever and always."
Jun's eyes widen as he feels his heart stop at your words, an immense surge of feelings flowing through his body at your words.
"Really?" Jun softly asks, his eyes flitting between yours, one to the other before they flicker to your lips for a split second.
You feel your heart rate spike at his gaze before nodding. "Really."
The air between the two of you changes as Jun's hands release yours before he cups your face. Your breath hitches as you lean into his touch, sighing slightly at the warmth of his hands.
"Can I kiss you?" He mumbles, afraid to break the moment. You gently nod, not wanting to break the moment either as he lets out a shaky exhale before leaning in closer. You close your eyes, feeling his breath against your mouth before he presses his lips to yours in a tentative kiss.
You let out a soft hum as adrenaline begins to course through your veins. You wrap your arms around Jun's neck, pulling him close. You feel as though your soul is on fire, for finding the one that you are meant to be spending the rest of your life with and choosing them to do it with.
You think Jun feels the same as he lets out soft groan before deepening the kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth. You let out a whimper as you begin to taste double, tasting the mint that you normally have after your coffee on his tongue and lingering in your own mouth. Hearing the noise you made, Jun lets his hands slip down to your waist, pulling you flush against him as he kisses you with slightly more vigor.
The two of you slowly pull apart for air, panting slightly as you rest your forehead against his, both your eyes still closed.
"Thank God for that mint I had before you came in." You blurt out, breaking the moment making Jun let out a soft laugh as the two of you slowly open your eyes. A warm but teasing smile appears on Jun's lips as he gazes into your eyes, his pupils slightly dilated.
"I think we had it at the same time then." He shyly admits. "Because I had one on my way over as well."
You giggle at the realization, biting the inside of your cheek to prevent yourself from smiling too hard. Jun notices though, making his smile widen as he leaves a quick kiss on your forehead.
The moment slows as the two of you stare at each other, silence enveloping the two of you.
"Do you need to go back to practice?" You ask softly, feeling your heart sink slightly as you remember Chris's message about Vernon telling him that Seventeen were having practice today and a jacket shoot later.
Jun's eyes soften, hearing the anxious tone in your voice before shaking his head. "No." He answers, giving you another peck on your forehead. "You got me all to yourself for the rest of the day."
You blink at him in surprise. "Oh." Your eyebrows furrow. "What about your dance practice for your comeback and your jacket shoot?"
He blinks, eyebrow raising. "How do you know about that?"
"Vernon told Chris who told me."
Jun lets out a sound of understanding before shaking his head. "Sunflower said she will take care of that for me."
You raise an eyebrow at that. "Who?"
"DK's soulmate."
"You mean we aren't the first to meet each other?"
Jun lets out a soft laugh at how cute you look, a small pout on your face at the fact that the two of you weren't the first to find each other in the group. He shakes his head, the smile on his lips never wavering.
"I think we met nine years too late if we wanted to be the first." He states making you let out a hum of understanding. "Although," he starts with a teasing smile on his face, "I fear you might've killed me if we met back then due to how much you hate my taste in food."
You let out a snort at the teasing words, feeling your eyes roll before you can stop them.
"Not my fault you accosted my tastebuds any chance you got."
Jun lets out a belly laugh at your words, nuzzling his face into your hair making you smile as you lean against him. He pulls you into him again, rocking the two of you as he hugs you tight, giving you a few kisses on your cheek and hair making a giggle bubble out of you.
"I love you." He breathes out, pulling away to gaze into your eyes as a lovesick smile appears on his lips.
You feel your heart flutter at how handsome he looks, saying the three words that meant everything to you. "I love you." You reply, pushing yourself up on your tip-toes to give him a kiss which he promptly accepts, humming as he kisses you back.
The kiss this time, is more sure, the two of you slightly more confident as Jun deepens the kiss immediately, pulling you impossibly closer to him, loving the way your lips feel against his.
The two of you continue to slowly makeout until your lungs scream for air, making you pull apart from your soulmate. He chases your lips making you giggle.
"I think we should leave, pretty boy." You mutter, giving him a teasing smile.
Jun opens his eyes, a little glassy as he refocuses on you, blinking as the tips of his ears turn a little pink, giddy at the nickname.
"Oh?" He asks, a small smirk appearing on his face. "And go where?"
You let out a hum, feigning ignorance as you exaggeratedly think. "Maybe your house?"
"Huh…" Jun hums, catching on to your antics as he leans closer to you, your breath hitching as you feel his hot bated breath on your lips. "And what shall we do when we're at my house, baby?"
Butterflies erupt in your stomach at the nickname making you swallow, composing yourself before saying.
"I think I have a few ideas."
The second the two of you step foot into Jun's bedroom, Jun pins you against his door, his mouth on yours as he pulls you in for a searing kiss. You gasp as you fist his shirt, feeling your legs starting to buckle from the intensity of the kiss. He slots his tongue into your mouth, a muffled groan escaping him as he slides his tongue against yours, tasting the remnants of the mint the two of you had earlier.
It's filthy, the way that Jun's spit mixes with yours in your mouth as the two of you continue to roughly make out. Unlike the first kiss the two of you shared earlier, this is different. It is charged and full of all the emotions that have been building up over the last few months.
Jun's hands wander down to your thighs as he parts them, urging for you to jump as he catches you and wraps your legs around his waist, not breaking the kiss once. You let your hands roam upwards to his hair as you begin to tug at it gently, making the man let out small whimpers that make your heart race impossibly faster.
You find yourself getting wetter as the make out session gets more heated and let out a soft whimper when Jun presses himself flush against you, letting you feel how strained he is through his sweatpants.
The whimper snaps something in him as he starts to slowly grind himself against you, making you gasp as you detach your lips, your eyes rolling at how good he felt against you, your head tilting back into the door.
Jun wastes no time attaching his mouth to your neck, giving you open-mouth kisses before he locates your pulse point right below your ear, making you let out a soft moan. He hums in satisfaction before sucking on it lightly, making you see stars.
He continues to suck and nibble at the spot, no doubt leaving a mark before licking one long stripe upwards, from your collarbone to the pulse point, groaning slightly.
"God, baby." He says, his voice wrecked with want. "Can you taste what I taste when I do that?" He asks. You let out a whine, feeling yourself getting wetter at the words leaving his mouth. You let out a whimper in response as Jun keeps nibbling on your neck, addicted to the sounds that leave your mouth and the taste of your skin.
He pushes off the door, carrying you to the bed before gently dropping you on top of his plush mattress, giving you a front row seat to how wrecked he looks.
Jun's hair is disheveled from your constant tugging, his cheeks flush as his dilated pupils stare at you, full of want, need and love. He tugs his shirt over his head, leaving you to ogle at the sight of his toned body. You knew that Jun's body was toned, being an actor and an idol meant that he had to have the physique of a God, but seeing it in front of you is a different story.
Jun notices your ogling and smirks. "Take a picture baby, it'll last longer."
You immediately feel your cheeks heat up at his teasing remark, slapping both your palms over your face, shielding yourself from Jun. The man laughs, leaning down to press kisses to your knuckles and fingers as he gently peels the hands away from your face.
"Don't do that, baby." He whispers through his kisses. "Want to see my pretty soulmate as I cherish her."
You feel your chest warm up at his words as you lock eyes with him, a soft smile on his face as he gives you a slow kiss.
"There's my girl." Jun whispers out, before his hands make their way down to the ends of your shirt, his eyes flitting to yours, asking for permission to remove it.
You give him an eager nod before you're just left in your lacy bra. When Jun sees the sight, he lets out another wrecked groan before leaving kisses all over your exposed skin.
"You're so gorgeous, baby." Jun whispers, the pet name sending a wave of butterflies through you as he continues to kiss everywhere that he can. "Can't believe that you're my soulmate."
He unhooks your bra with your permission before sucking on your right nipple as his left hand massages your left one, making you moan out as you clench the bedsheets, feeling slightly stimulated by his hand and mouth. He does the same with your left one, alternating between them as you feel yourself getting stickier and stickier where you need him the most.
"Jun." You breath out, moaning a little as he hums against your breasts, the vibrations stimulating you a little more. "Please." You beg, though you aren't sure what you're begging for.
Jun hums again, seemingly catching your drift as he releases your nipple from his mouth with a pop. You whine a little at the loss of contact but feel his lips trail down your body, leaving kisses in its wake, each kiss leaving you a little squirmier than the last.
His hands fiddle with the waistband of your jeans as he continues to kiss the area around your stomach as he looks at you through lidded eyes. "Can I take these off, baby?"
You chew your bottom lip before nodding, making Jun shake his head as he clicks his tongue.
"Use your words, baby." He says, his tone soft but slightly dominating making your head spin slightly.
"Please." You whimper out, squirming a little. "Take them off please."
Jun's signature grin appears on his face. "So polite." He coos. "When you ask so sweetly like that, who am I to refuse you?"
He makes quick work of your jeans after he says that, pulling them down your legs, tossing them to some corner of the bedroom before he leans down and you swear his pupils dilate even more seeing how soaked you were.
His tongue swipes across his bottom lip as he blows against your core, making you let out a whimper before as you squirm a little more.
"Is all this for me love?" Jun asks, slightly condescending as he uses a finger to rub you over your panties, making you moan as you nod furiously.
"What did we say about words baby?"
You feel yourself clench on nothing at his words, a soft whine leaving your lips. "All for you Jun." You whimper out again, feeling his finger rub you a little faster, making you squirm a little more. "All just for you."
Jun hums, delighted at the way you're responding to him before he hooks a finger and pulls your panties down, leaving you bare in front of him. He lets out a groan as he leans closer to your core as you hold your breath in anticipation.
"You don't have to, you know." You breathe out, hoping that he isn't doing this just because he feels obligated to do so. Jun looks at you through hooded eyes, using his strength to spread your thighs wider for him, holding them in place.
"Trust me when I say this, baby." He says, pressing kisses against your inner thigh, making you feel goosebumps appear along your skin. "I really want you to taste how sweet you are on your tongue."
Without another word, Jun's mouth is on your core, making your eyes bulge as you let out a gasp. He lets out a groan at your taste, knowing that this will be the only sweet thing that he eats for days after this. He flattens his tongue as he alternates between slow circles around your core before dipping his tongue into your clit, fucking you with his tongue.
You feel feral as you taste yourself on your own tastebuds, feeling yourself fucked dumb without even getting fucked yet as Jun continues his ministrations on your pussy. Your hands fly to his hair, tugging harshly at it and making him groan, the vibrations sending waves of pleasure through you as you moan more, your voice getting louder and louder as you get closer and closer.
You let out a cross between a gasp and a moan as you feel Jun sucking against your clit as he pushes one finger into your weeping cunt. You start to squirm even more but Jun holds you still as he pushes yet another finger in.
"You can take another finger, can't you, baby?" He asks, stretching you out as you let out a whine.
"Yes, I can." You gasps out, your eyes fluttering shut at the pleasure, making Jun let out a hum of approval.
"That's my girl."
He leaves you breathless as he curls his finger in you and begins to hit that spongy spot that has your eyes rolling back into your head and seeing stars.
You feel the bed start to rock, whipping your eyes open to see Jun humping the bed slowly, turning you on a little more at how turned on he was from just eating you out. You feel him suck harder on your clit as he starts to thrust his fingers in and out of you faster.
You feel your mind blank as you feel the pressure start to build up, slowly going to snap. Jun realizes that you're about to cum as you clench around his fingers and your whines start to get louder, humming in delight against your pussy as he speeds up his ministrations.
"C'mon baby." He says, pulling away from your clit slightly to lock eyes with you, his eyes dark as he gives you a cat-like smirk. "Wet my tongue and cum on my face. Want you to taste how sweet you are too."
The dirty talk plus him going back to harshly suck on your core, is what pushes you over the edge, you tug on his hair hard as you cum making the idol groan as he laps up every single drop of your elixir.
He continues to slowly suck, prolonging your high before you begin to squirm a little from the overstimulation. Jun leaves one last kiss on your cunt before bringing you in for a messy kiss, making you groan as you continue to taste yourself on his tongue and on yours.
He pulls away to look at you, staring lovingly into your eyes. "Are you sure?" He asks, motioning to the next step. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to."
You shake your head, pulling Jun down for another sweet kiss. "Please." You murmur, nibbling his bottom lip gently, sending a shiver down his body.
Jun gives you a nod before he pulls away to pull down his boxers and pants, leaving him bare in front of you making your mouth water at the sight of him. His cock hard and swollen and leaking with pre-cum.
You reach for him, letting your hands glide along his cock as he lets out a shaky breath, a shudder running through his body as you slick his cock with his own pre-cum.
"Baby." He raggedly breathes out. "As much as I want to cum in your hand, I need to be in you in the next five seconds or I will die."
You let out a soft laugh at his dramatics. "You better get to work then."
Jun lets out another shaky exhale as he nods, going to dig through his bedside table when you stop him by shaking your head. He looks at you, concern in his eyes as his eyes flit between yours.
"I'm on the pill and I'm clean." You simply say. "Are you?"
Jun nods making you let out an easy smile. "Then we have no problems." You breathe out making Jun nod.
He pulls you in for another kiss, slower this time as you feel him press against you, rubbing himself against you making you gasp before he starts to slowly push into your messy folds. The slow push is torturous making the two of you groan as he detaches his lips from yours.
"Fuck." Jun drawls out, his eyes squeezing tight as he continues to push in. "You're so tight baby." You didn't bother responding with anything other than a moan as he stretches you deliciously, making you tug him closer.
Jun pauses for a moment, letting you get used to his size before you beg him to move. He obeys, sliding out till his tip is the only thing inside you before thrusting back in making the two of you moan. He continues at a steady pace, leaving the two of you panting and wanting more of each other.
"That's it, Red." He pants out, nibbling against your neck as you whine against him. "You are truly made for me." He babbles, his mind going feral at the sight of you, his soulmate beneath him. He used to dream of this. Dream of how good it would feel to have his soulmate pressed against him, but nothing could compare to the real deal right now.
"Look at how well you take my cock, my pretty soulmate." He whispers out as he speeds up his thrust, a hand slipping between the two of you to rub at your clit, making you spasm slightly as you feel the familiar build up again.
Jun notices and speeds up, his thrusts hitting that sweet spot inside you relentlessly making your whines and moans get louder. "Come around my cock baby." He whispers into your ear. You moan, tugging him impossibly closer as you hook your legs around his back, your mind blank of anything other than his cock that is thrusting in and out of you.
"Jun—" you breathe out, teething on the edge. "About to—"
You moan again but Jun catches your drift nodding. "Come for me baby."
At his words, you release, spasming on his cock making him let out a groan before he spills deep in you. He continues to thrust, prolonging the pleasure between the two of you before he leans down to capture your lips together again.
The kiss turns the atmosphere from heated to sweet as you feel the adrenaline start to dissipate, feeling your breathing start to even out as he softens in you. Jun pulls out after a few minutes of making out, making you let out a low whine as he leaves the room.
He returns a couple of minutes later with a glass of water and two towels. Jun cleans you up gently, making you look at him adoringly as he places the towel on his desk before pressing the glass of water to your lips.
"Drink baby." He says softly, making you smile as you obey, taking small sips of the water. He gently urges you to finish the glass before placing it on his bedside table. You look at him, a lovesick smile adorning your lips as you watch him quietly fuss over you before he realizes your gaze is on him.
He gives you an adoring smile back before giving your knee a tap. "How about a bath, baby?" He asks softly, tracing small circles lightly on your knee.
You let out a hum of contentment before nodding. "Join me?" You gaze up at him prettily through your eye lashes making his heart melt before he nods, a lovesick smile appearing on his face.
"Of course."
He leaves you in the comfort of his bed to run the two of you a bath, which smell pleasantly like him, a mix of spiced herbs with a hint of the ocean. A smell that you hadn't noticed you loved till today.
Jun laughs when he returns, seeing you entangled with his pillow and sheets, a fond smile on his face as his heart feels like it's about to burst from how cute you are being.
He untangles you before hooking an arm underneath your knees and placing his other arm underneath your back to pick you up bridal style. You let out a squeak as he does as you immediately wrap your arms around his neck to anchor yourself, feeling your face immediately flush at how easily he picks you up.
"I can walk myself y'know." You mumble as he carries you to his bathroom.
Jun lets out a quiet laugh at the redness of your cheeks. "I know, baby." He says, with so much adoration in his tone. "Just want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated."
You feel your cheeks heat up more at his statement, making you bury your head into his neck, not wanting him to see your face.
The idol laughs before kissing the top of your head as he reaches the bathroom. He helps you to stand up before sitting in the tub first and urges you to come in after.
Your legs wobble slightly as you enter the tub, but you still manage to get into the tub without any issues, your back flush against Jun's chest. He makes quick work of cleaning the both of you, wanting nothing more than to spend the day entangled in his sheets with you.
The thought makes him giddy as he rinses the last bit of soap off of the two of you before fussing over you as you attempt to dry yourself.
"Let me." He says gently, plucking the towel from your hands and begins to dry you off.
You smile at Jun's quiet fussing, your heart full as you stare at the boy adoringly. Your soulmate for the rest of your life.
No more than seventeen minutes later, the two of you are back in Jun's bed with fresh sheets, tangled in each other's embrace.
You sigh, snuggling closer into Jun's chest as you breathe in the scent of him and the sheets, loving how domestic this feels.
"Red?" Jun softly asks. You hum against him, peering upwards to find him already looking down at you, a nervous expression on his face making you frown.
"What's wrong pretty boy?" You ask him, bringing your hand up to cup his face. Jun leans in closer to your hand, closing his eyes as he lets out a sigh in contentment.
"What's going to happen now?" He wonders quietly, the question simple and plain yet holds so much anxiety of what the future holds for the two of you.
He feels your hand freeze on his face, making his heart sink into the pit in his stomach.
He had been wondering about this since the two of you were in the tub, enjoying each others embrace. He tried to push the thought away, wanting to live in the moment. But, as he looks at how well you cuddle into him, how the two of you fit together like long-lost puzzle pieces and how this feeling just felt so right…
He couldn't help but voice the question that had been plaguing his mind.
"Junnie." You whisper out, making his heart stutter at your use of a new nickname, no doubt feeling the tip of his ears turn a little pink. "I was going to wait till maybe after our nap to talk about this but seeing how nervous you look right now…" You trail off, letting your eyes flit between both of his. "I guess I can tell you the surprise now."
Jun blinks at your words, a surprise?
You push yourself up, sitting slightly more upright against the headboards as Jun does the same, mirroring your body posture. He watches you fiddle with your fingers, a nervous tick that he knows by heart now, after seeing you do it for the better part of your three months together.
You wonder how you should start this conversation, Jun had caught you off-guard because you only received the news from Minho this morning after your article had gone live. This meant that you hadn't really had the time to prepare how you wanted to say this but as Jun looks at you like you're his entire world.
You realize that it doesn't matter.
You take a deep breath. "After I finished writing the article a few days ago," you start, seizing your nervous tick as you place your hands on the sheets in front of you, "I talked to Minho and I told him that I found my soulmate, so we talked about my future in the company."
Jun feels his heart sink at your words and interrupt you before you can continue.
"Red." He whispers, taking your hands into his as he rubs slow circles on your knuckles with his thumb. "I don't want you to give up your job for me." He admits quietly. "As much as my heart yearns for you to stay, I can't— won't ask you to do that. I know how much food journalism means to you and I know how much you enjoy and love doing it so, please don't give it up for me."
Your heart flutters at his words, feeling warmth spread through your chest at how thoughtful Jun was. You bring your joint hands up to your lips, pressing small kisses on his knuckles.
"I love you." You whisper out, locking eyes with the man that you love. "But you don't need to worry about that."
Jun's eyebrows furrow in confusion as he tilts his head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that during my call with him, he gave me some good news." You give Jun a sweet smile. "The magazine planted a new branch here in Korea a month ago and they offered me the Senior Journalist position for the food column."
Jun's eyes widen at your words, feeling his heart race. "You're serious?" He asks, his tone filled with hope and a little apprehension, unsure if he heard you correctly or not. Your smile widens as you nod, feeling your heart flutter at how cute Jun looks.
He immediately pulls you into a hug, making you laugh as he holds you tight against him.
"That's amazing news, baby." He whispers making you snuggle into him more. Jun notices your slightly sluggish movements and wraps his arms around you, slightly tighter, to bring the two of you downwards to lay on the pillows.
"This does mean that I need somewhere to stay though." You say, nerves spiking a little at the thought of leaving Brisbane, it was not just a necessary step for your relationship with Jun but also for your career. Jun pulls away, a soft smile on his face.
"We'll figure it out together." He says softly, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "When do you start?"
"In two months." You hum out, feeling yourself get a little sleepy. "I'll be leaving this week to go back to Brisbane to start the moving process but I've already pre-booked my next trip back in a month and a half to start settling in. Chris said that I can stay with him in the meantime while I look for my own place."
"I could probably take my break next month to help you with the packing." Jun offers softly. "Our promotion shoots would've wrapped up by then so I can afford to take a week to help you."
You peer upwards, smiling at the mad as you give him a gentle nod. "I would love that." You whisper.
Jun hums. A comfortable silence filling the air as the two of you enjoy each others embrace.
"So, pre-booked huh?" Jun asks, a teasing smile appearing on his lips, breaking the wholesome moment. "You were that certain that I was going to choose you?"
You roll your eyes at his words. "Says the one who has been in love with me since the start." You give him a pointed look. "I can still call Minho to tell him that I changed my mind."
Jun laughs before attacking you with kisses, kissing different parts of your face over and over making you squeal as you try to push him and his ticklish kisses away.
"I'll stop if you promise me that you aren't going to do that." Jun mutters between his assault of kisses making you laugh a little, feeling slightly out of breath from wrestling in his strong grip.
"Fine!" You breath out, squirming a little as you try to push him away with your hands on his chest. "I concede."
Jun's smile widens into a cheeky grin. "That's my girl."
You roll your eyes, biting back a smile from the endearment, watching Jun's eyes soften.
"Be mine?" He asks softly, bringing one hand that was situated on your waist up to grasp your hand on his chest, slowly intertwining your fingers.
Your heart races before you nod, giving him a sweet smile. "I'm yours."
As you cuddle closer to Jun, your chest flush against his, you can't help but sigh as you soak in your boyfriends warmth and how your heart feels so much fuller now, fueled by the mountain of possibilities for the future.
Because, you choose him as much as he chooses you.
"Red." Jun whispers out making you hum in acknowledgement, your eyes feeling slightly droopy. "I need to admit something to you."
Your eyebrows furrow before you look up at your soulmate, your eyebrow raising as he gives you a sheepish look. "What is it?"
Jun sucks in his bottom lip, chewing it before releasing it. "Remember that day we went to the Golden Dragon?" You nod, your eyebrow still raised, urging for him to continue.
"And how we were supposed to eat the highest level of spice which was ten?"
"Get to the point pretty boy."
He hesitates, running a hand down your bare back, as if trying to appease you before his revelation.
"I may have lied and ordered spice level three instead."
He feels you freeze in his embrace, digesting the information that you did not conquer spice level ten, but three.
"You ordered three… instead of ten?"
Jun chews his bottom lip before he nods. The two of you lay there in silence as Jun feels his heart race a little more, his eyes flitting between yours as he tries to read your expression but fails.
"Jun."
He sharply inhales, awaiting for you to chew his head off.
"Yes baby?"
"You owe me a red velvet cheesecake tomorrow."
"… Yes baby."
⊹₊˚‧︵‿₊୨two new constellations have been added୧₊‿︵‧˚₊⊹
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I LOVE HAVING WRITER FRIENDS CAUSE WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M GETTING FED BANGER AFTER BANGER AFTER BANGER!!!!! life is so so so good rn?!?!!? I loved the fic the yearning the doubts the hesitation!!!! I could feel myself on edge the whole fucking timeeeeeee i can't wait for all the other installmentsss Vernon and tupaki are already so bantery!!! And sunflower is so cute omg I need to hug her!!!!
IN A UNIVERSE filled with soulmates, you never wanted one, never wanting to be tied down to a stranger for the rest of your life. However, fate always seems to work against you and gives you the worst soul mark you could ever have: a soulmate who seems to have a taste for spicy foods, something that you have a distaste for.
PAIRING: idol!jun x food journalist!fem!reader
GENRE: Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, Angst, Eventual Smut (in Part Two), Enemies to Lovers (One Sided), Romance
AU: Soulmates
TOTAL PT 1 WC: 26.2k
WARNINGS: mentions of food and eating, profanities, self-doubt, periods, anxiety, stress
PLAYLIST: songs for red, love jun
LIV'S NOTES... firstly: HAPPY CARAT DAY to everyone who celebrates <3 this fic is genuinely a love letter to all my friends who have heard stories of red and jun!
due to some unforseen circumstances, the fic is out a little later than i intended it to be but it's out!
the fic also turned out to be slightly longer than i intended which means that it's split into two parts! part two will be out on the 21st of February 2026.
official masterlist for the universe will be out then as well hehe! so, please enjoy the first part of the first installation of Soulmate Series: Written in the Stars.
BIG THANK YOU to my love @mellowgyu for helping me to beta-read this monster, be a constant support in my corner and fix mistakes with me <3 i love you so much
PART TWO (WC: 26K)
WRITTEN IN THE STARS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST | NAVI
THE SWEET LINGERING OF 2014
When Jun turned eighteen, he celebrated it in the practice room surrounded by his twelve brothers who were undoubtedly more excited than he was. Being the fourth oldest in the group, it was almost like there was a routine now when their members were about to have their soulmark coming of age. He doesn’t quite remember how they established the tradition but it was probably something that Seungcheol, Soonyoung and Jihoon had done – as the overall leaders.
He remembered when Seungcheol had turned eighteen and Jun felt overwhelmed for him; it wasn’t the easiest being the oldest of the group and being the person that everyone looked up to. Turning eighteen was sort of a milestone for them, to know what to expect when they too turned eighteen someday.
He remembered how Seungcheol had blown out the candles on top of the cake set out for him by the staff and looked around as twelve pairs of eyes stared at him.
“Do you feel anything, hyung?” He remembered Seungkwan, who was normally scared of the older boy asking, making Seungcheol shake his head before he paused mid-shake.
Seungcheol's brows furrowed as he let out a groan, holding his head in his hands as the members scrambled around him, asking him what was wrong. “I just got a sudden headache.” Seungcheol managed to mutter out before Jun saw the staff noting it down onto their tablet.
That was the start of the routine: with Seungcheol getting the Pain Soulmark, Jeonghan celebrating next and getting a number written on his wrist and Joshua who thought he was markless, had shrieked in the toilet finding a faint silhouette of a handprint on his chest.
Jun fiddled with his fingers as they wrapped up practice in the green room, looking at the cake that the staff had prepared as the rest of the members were buzzing with anticipation, more specifically Soonyoung.
“Jun!” Soonyoung exclaimed, making the former jump in surprise as the energetic boy grabbed both his shoulders. “Are you excited?”
Jun opened his mouth to respond but Soonyoung had already breezed past. “I can’t believe you’re getting your mark today and I’ll be getting mine in 5 days time!”
Jun blinked as Soonyoung continued to ramble on and on about how excited he was for the mark and how he couldn’t wait to meet his other half. He managed to tune the boy out as he glanced towards Chan and Minghao at the side who were staring at the older boy with amusement and unamusement respectively. The latter glanced at Jun, raising an eyebrow, silently asking if the older boy was okay. Jun let out a tentative smile and nod, not wanting to alert the younger boy of his nerves.
Jun watched as Minghao’s eyebrows furrow, seemingly not believing him but lets the topic drop as the staff gathered the boys, placing the cake in front of Jun. Jun glanced at the cake, nerves pricking the edges of his skin before he felt someone brush up against his side. He turned to see Minghao sitting to his right, placing a hand on his with a reassuring smile, stopping the unconscious fiddling of fingers that Jun was doing.
“Don’t be nervous.” Minghao whispered to him in their native tongue. “You’ve been waiting for this day for ages.”
He was right.
To say that Jun was excited to get his mark, would be an understatement. Ironic, he thinks, even as he grew up in a slightly broken home where his parents had gotten divorced when he was two years old. His father and mother got married knowing that they weren’t soulmates, almost as if they were trying to game the system. His mother told him that they were happily married for a while before his father had found his actual soulmate and that was the end of their marriage. He remembered her comparing it to a ticking timebomb. They loved each other but they didn't complete each others' souls.
He remembered how much pain she was holding even as she decided to raise him on her own, challenging every social norm as a single mother before fate finally brought her soulmate to her. Bumping into each other at a supermarket that was actually out of the way from where his mother normally goes, a true meet cute if you asked him.
Fast forward many years later, they’re happily married and Jun has never felt more loved.
He snapped out of his thoughts as the members began to sing happy birthday, making him give a small smile as he made a wish and blew out the candles right as the clock struck twelve.
“Do you feel anything?” Soonyoung burst out before yelping as Jihoon smacked the back of his head, hissing at him to calm down. Jun began to search his limbs for marks, words or anything that would be an indication that he has a soulmate. Coming back blank made his heart sink. He couldn’t be markless, could he?
He felt Minghao press more into his right side, a hug it seems as he watched the members quieten down upon seeing his reaction.
He takes a sharp inhale. “I don’t feel anything.” he softly said as he fiddled with his fingers, silently cursing himself.
He wanted to be strong for his younger members, especially because he knew that the thought of being markless scared the maknaes more than they’d like to admit, especially Chan.
He plastered on a fake smile, swallowing his emotions before taking the plastic knife and cutting into the cake in front of him. “It’s fine,” he muttered out. “It might be something that can’t be seen or felt… I think I just need to be patient.”
The tension in the room was palpable. The members glanced at each other as Jun pretended not to notice, his heart wrenching slightly as he wished that he could cut the tension with the knife in his hand.
Jun felt himself going on autopilot, continuing to cut the cake as his head swirled with doubts. Why didn’t he get a soulmark? Was he just not fated to have a soulmate? Was there something wrong with him?
He felt his spiral halt when he felt arms drape around his shoulders, as someone leaned on him. He peered up to see Seungkwan hanging off him, almost nonchalantly. Seungkwan raised an eyebrow at Jun’s staring before nudging him, urging him to continue to cut the cake.
Before he could, the knife was plucked out of his hand making Jun peer up to see Seungcheol, who nudged Jun out of the way to sit in front of the cake.
“Move.” Seungcheol said, nudging Jun away again as he continued cutting from where Jun left off.
Jun blinked at the older boy before a plate was shoved into his hands. “Eat your birthday cake Jun!” Jeonghan singsonged, sticking a fork into the cake. “You know it’s bad luck if the birthday boy doesn’t eat his own cake first?”
Jun managed a weak smile at the older boy before he noticed words appear on Jeonghan’s arm: a sign from his soulmate. Jeonghan glanced at it, a small smile on his lips before placing his arm behind his back, away from prying eyes.
“Oops, made the missus mad.”
“You shouldn’t even be lying so much in the first place.” Minghao muttered, bringing a piece of the cake to his mouth. “The poor girl probably has so many numbers and words staining her skin everyday.” Jeonghan flicked his forehead, making the younger boy yelp before turning back to Jun.
“Better eat up, otherwise the lie would be for nothing.” Jeonghan said pointedly, but Jun could hear the faint fondness in his tone that could've been missed if they hadn’t spent the past two years training with each other.
Jeonghan took a plate before skipping towards the other end of the room, no doubt to tease (read, infuriate) his soulmate by lying so that he can talk to her. Jun peered at the cake in his hands before looking around the room to where all his members sat.
Seungcheol, who was cutting the cake while talking to Joshua, who was helping him to plate them whilst nodding, invested in their conversation as he passed the plate to Jihoon without even looking at him. Jihoon then passed it to Mingyu and Chan, who were sitting in the corner eating the cake with Vernon and Soonyoung. Mingyu, Chan and Soonyoung were talking animatedly while Vernon watched them, smiling at their comments.
He peered to the other corner of the room where Jeonghan, Wonwoo and Seokmin were, cracking jokes before his eyes ended up at Minghao who was leaning against him and Seungkwan who was hanging off of him. He watched as Minghao fed Seungkwan a piece of cake before feeding himself some and Jun smiled fondly as his thoughts calmed down.
Maybe he wasn't destined to have a soulmate but fate was kind enough to send him something else, something better. It sent him twelve brothers who really knew him in their heart and they really knew his soul. He felt the lingering of something on his tongue, some sweet thing that he couldn't name as he felt his heart swell at the information that he had just digested which made his smile grow even wider and softer.
Minghao nudged him. "Are you okay?" he asked softly in their native tongue as Seungkwan turned towards him as well. Jun nodded, using his fork to cut through the cake and placed it into his mouth tasting the sweet cream of the cake before turning to the two younger boys and giving them a smile.
"Never better."
However, even as the taste of the cake faded, Jun remained oblivious to the sweet taste on the tip of his tongue.
THE ACCOSTED MALA TASTEBUDS OF 2016
The moment the clock struck midnight on your eighteenth birthday, you swore your soulmate hated his tastebuds.
To your parents, turning eighteen was on par or even more important than turning twenty-one. Soulmates was all your parents ever talked about, how they were friends turned lovers when they both had turned eighteen. Their only wish was that you and your siblings could experience the same. So, when you were on the cusp of turning eighteen, they pulled out all the stops.
“Mum,” you started, staring at the wall of decorations and table filled with presents that looked like it was one more present away from collapsing on the floor. “I think you might have gone a tad bit o–” Your older brother immediately covered your mouth before you could finish your sentence. “—outdone! She meant outdone mum! It looks amazing!” Your brother finished for you, giving you a side-eye that said ‘proceed with caution’ which made you roll your eyes at the older boy.
Your mum breezed at your brother's comment. “Thank you dear! Just trying to make sure your sister gets the same party that we did for you last year!” She exclaimed as she made her way to the storeroom to possibly get more streamers.
You silently mourned all the lost trees before turning to your brother, crossing your arms. “You didn’t need to step in Chris.”
“And let you ruin mum and dad’s best day ever?” He scoffs, rolling his eyes at you. “Yeah right.”
“You do know it’s my birthday right?”
“Yeah but you don’t care as much about this as them, so let them have it.”
He wasn’t wrong.
Unlike your parents, eighteen really didn’t mean that much to you, you were going to be bound to a stranger for the rest of your life which meant that the next few years of your life would be going on dates, questioning if this was the right person or if the soulmarks match up and if they didn’t, it was inevitable that there's either no second date, or a break-up.
You practically didn’t really believe in soulmates either. Why did the universe have to decide who was the best person for you to match with? Why couldn’t you make the decision yourself?
“Besides,” Chris continued, taking a seat on the streamer draped couch. “You are their one shot right now at proving their stories are true.”
“You’re talking as if you aren’t turning nineteen and that Hannah and Lucas are not going to have the same celebration when they turn eighteen.”
“But,” Chris pointed at you to emphasize his point. “You’re their only shot right now.”
You narrowed your eyes at your brother. "And whose fault is that huh?"
Chris feigned an offended look and exasperatedly gasped as you plopped down onto the couch next to him. “What?!”
You smacked his shoulder as he let out a yelp. “Don’t ‘what’ me,” you said, continuing to hit him despite his protests. “If you didn’t decide to join the label, you’d probably have found your soulmate by now!”
Your older brother Chris was also known as Bang Chan to the rest of the world. Having been musically talented since young, it was almost inevitable that he would end up becoming an idol in Korea. That meant crushing your parents' dream of him finding his soulmate early as he was still a trainee and that meant that dating was a huge no-no.
You were happy for him, you truly were. Being his younger sister, you had first dibs on listening to all his garage or attic produced music and you couldn’t be more proud of what your brother has achieved, especially with his upcoming debut.
What you weren’t happy with was the fact that while your parents were struggling with the news, Chris had the awesome idea to throw you under the bus in his stead. He stated that it was the reason you were born a year after him, making you the perfect candidate to live out their stories which turned their attention onto you.
You felt like throwing him under an actual bus as soon as he had suggested that.
“I’m sor- ow - sorry, can we plea– OW, stop assaulting me with the pillow!” Chris yelped out as you kept hitting him with the pillow. “I should be using things other than pillows for the pressure you put me under, its too much!” You spat out, hitting him a few more times before he caught the pillow and ripped it out of your grasp.
“Okay! Okay! I get it.” Chris said, dodging your movement of getting the pillow back. “I’m sorry for putting you under this much pressure but,” He shot you a look. “Aren’t you even a little bit curious as to what your soulmark is.”
“You know about my thoughts on soulmates Chris.” You said softly, sinking back into the couch as you eyed the decorations sprinkled across the family living room. “I just hate that my life feels like it's predetermined just because of this person that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with.”
You couldn’t bear to look at your brother although you could already feel his eyes on you as silence enveloped the living room. “Maybe you aren’t scared of the person,” Chris started slowly, making you raise your head to meet his eyes, “but more of the uncertainity that comes with it.”
His tone was soft but his words were firm and hit harder than you thought it would. He had a point, he always did. “Don’t be scared, the universe decided them for you, whoever it is, they are meant to be half of your own soul. I was scared when I got my soulmark too.” Chris said softly, his fingers tracing the half tattoo on his forearm. “But they will love you for who you are, and what you will become. You’re amazing and they will definitely see all those trademarks too.”
Your nerves dissipated little by little as your brother's words sunk in. “Thank you Channie.” you breathe out as you give your brother a side hug. He gave you a side smile, hugging you back as he used his other hand to ruffle your hair.
“Can’t wait to see who will actually match this gremlin energy of yours.” He joked which made you let out a scoff, playfully giving him a small smack on his side as he continued to laugh before he abruptly quietened.
You peered up at him and your heart sank a little as you watched him stare at the half tattoo, his eyes filled with hope and longing. You felt a little guilty for chastising your brother so much, unlike you, he didn’t have a choice of taking steps to finding his soulmate unless he meets her at the label or through shoots. He would need to actually wait for fate to take the reign and bring her to him.
You reached out and grasped his hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “You know,” you started slowly, giving him the time to lock eyes with you. “I read somewhere that if you trace the soulmark, your soulmate can feel that you're thinking about them.”
Chris stared at you, his eyes widening slightly. “Did you just quote a soulmate myth?”
You felt your cheeks heat up slightly as you attempted to glare at your brother. “Don’t push it.”
His face broke out into a mischievous grin. “Look at you, Miss I-Don’t-Believe-In-Soulmates.”
You groaned at his words as you gave him a shove. “Shut up!”
He chuckled a little more before looking straight at you, his grin softening into a soft smile. “You really think she can feel it?”
You mirrored his soft smile. “I’m sure she can Channie. I’m sure you’ll feel it when she does it too.”
Chris gives you a smile back before bumping your shoulder. "So, tell me about the internship!"
Your grin got wider at that, making you sit up straighter, fully facing your older brother.
Ever since you could remember, food had been a big part of your life, almost like how music was apart of your big brothers. Like how producing and music came easy to him, baking came easy to you.
Baking had been your safe space for as long as you could remember. When you were younger, your mother had been trying to bake a red velvet cake for Chris's seventh birthday. Being six and looking up to your mother, you wanted to try it as well. Your mother relented after you had begged her multiple times and was shocked when you were a whiz in the kitchen.
You could crack eggs, take measurements as if it was written in your blood and mix with the hands of a master baker. You were a natural and that was where you fell in love with it.
From that experience, was where you earned the nickname, Red. Part of it was because you were a whiz in the kitchen, but the main reason was because your parents had caught you, dead in the night, the day after your brother's birthday, stuffing your face with the remaining cake. With all the frosting all over your mouth and having eaten almost half of the remainder, it was endearing to say the least.
As you grew older, you opened a food blog, upon Chris's request as a way for him to keep tabs on your food journey even when he was in Korea doing his music. You learned how to take proper pictures, what were the right words to use for describing the food you were making, how to hook people to the blog as well as how to put a touch of yourself in all the baked crafts that you created.
Which lead you to this exact moment.
Two months ago, Gourmet Traveler posted that they were looking for an intern for the summer break that was willing to learn all that they had to offer. Being a huge fan since you were young, you spent many late nights perfecting your CV, perfecting every blog post that you had as well as preparing a video to state why you were the perfect fit for the role.
You spent the better half of your exam period, checking your emails for a response and upon seeing the ad receive almost over 2000 applicants, you were almost sure that you didn't get it. You were a bit upset at first, it was definitely your dream to get in but Chris called you, gave you a pep talk about how they didn't know what they were missing and it made you feel a lot better.
However, when you were lazing around on call with Chris, animatedly talking about the plans you guys had when he came back for your birthday, a 'ping' was heard from your laptop. You lazily walked over to it, clicking as you hummed, listening to Chris talk about how you guys should go get frozen yogurt when he was back. You giggled and was about to agree until your eyes landed on the new email that just came in titled 'Congratulations' which was from the magazine company in-charge of Gourmet Traveler.
Your eyes widened as you open the email, screening through the email before letting out a squeal, startling your brother who dropped the phone on his face with a 'thud'. You heard him let out a muffled curse as he was about to start scolding you, but you immediately turned the camera around to the acceptance letter making his own eyes widen as you both started shouting together.
Which lead you to this moment.
"It's so fun!" You squealed out to your brother, squeezing his hand tighter. "They brought me along to interview one of the new home bakers the other day and let me put in some of the questions that I thought we should ask!" You say, recalling the look on your managers face when he had approved the ideas. "I also got to write my own mini-section for the article coming out this weekend!"
Your brothers eyes widen at that. "Red!" He shouts out, "That's amazing!" He nudges you with his shoulder. "I guess we know what we're doing this weekend!" His eyes sparkle, full of pride, as he pulls his hand away from yours, starting to count.
"We need one for each of us as a keepsake, we also need to buy one extra for us to keep in a frame." He rambles, listing it off on his fingers. "OH! I'm sure Dad, Mum, Hannah and Lucas would also like a copy! And the guys! They were so happy when you got the internship so that's," His eyes widen, "Fourteen copies!"
You laugh, choking slightly on your own saliva from laughing so hard as you shove your brother.
"You're such a dumbass!"
Chris lets out an exasperated gasp. "How can you say that?!" He shoves you back, "Is it wrong for me to be proud of my baby sister?"
You roll your eyes, the smile never leaving your face as he grabs your hand again with a sincere smile on his face.
"Seriously though," He starts, looking at you, his eyes shining with pride, "I'm really proud of you Red."
Your heart swells, squeezing your joint hands before the lights turn off making you jump with a small yelp. You turn towards the kitchen to see your parents bring out a cake with the candles already lit, slowly singing happy birthday. A smile made its way onto your way as you glanced at the clock.
23:58pm
You took a deep breath as your parents put the cake in front of you, your brother's hand anchoring you as he gave it yet another squeeze before letting go for you to have your moment. Your heart thundered in your chest as you looked at the beautiful homemade red velvet cake in front of you that makes a smile appear on your face.
“Make a wish darling!” Your mum exclaimed, snapping you out of your thoughts as she clapped her hands together.
You glanced at Chris who had a reassuring smile on his face before glancing back at the cake and closing your eyes, briefly making a wish before you opened them and blew out the candle right as your house was filled with a ding.
Your parents looked at you expectantly, eyes wide as you shifted nervously under their intense gazes.
“Do you feel anything Red?” Your dad asked, shifting excitedly on his feet. You nervously checked the underside of your arms before moving to your legs and shaking your head.
“I don’t–”
As soon as you said that, your face started burning up as a sharp burning numbing sensation hit your tongue making you gasp out. You immediately shot out of your seat as the sensation took over your tongue, making tears start to well up in your eyes. Chris was out of his seat, eyeing you, his face filled with shock.
“Red?! Are you alright?”
You wanted to scream at him, saying that of course you weren’t alright but sarcasm was definitely not the right approach while you were midway dying from the burning sensation.
“Water!” You managed to choke out, urgently gesturing to the water jar sitting on the family table. Chris immediately grabbed a glass, pouring like his life dependent on it, turning around to pass it to you. You grabbed it out of his hand and inhaled the water, feeling the burning sensation start to subside with each gulp you took.
Chris had given you a few more glasses before the spice fully subsided as you collapsed back on the couch, your eyes slightly rimmed with tears and slightly red. You watched your parents nervously glance at each other as Chris passed you a tissue paper to wipe the stray tears from your eyes.
Your tongue felt numb from the spice that had overtaken all your senses as a sourish aftertaste soon followed making you smack your lips as your face scrunched up slightly in disgust of the aftertaste. Swirling more water in your mouth in hopes to get rid of the taste, you turned to your parents.
“What was that?” you croaked out to them as they were shifting slightly uncomfortably from where they’re standing.
Your mum cleared her throat. “Well, sweetheart,” she started, as you watched her brain slowly piece the words together, “it seems like you have a taste soul mark.”
You froze, your hand stopping from dabbing at your eyes, looking between your parents for confirmation as to whether either of them were joking. When all you were met with was seriousness, you felt a heavy sigh flow up from your throat as you frowned.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me–”
“LANGUAGE!”
THE RED OF RED VELVET OF 2016
Jun felt himself collapse on the floor as soon as the video stopped recording. Catching his breath, he jumped slightly, hearing a soft 'thud' beside him before chuckling to himself at the view of his starfished team leader.
Minghao walked over to the two and sits down opposite Jun, an unamused expression on his face as he shakes his head at Soonyoung's antics.
"One of these days," Minghao muttered out, "You're going to hurt yourself really bad by collapsing like that." Soonyoung, who was still starfished on the floor, lets out a grunt in acknowledgment at Minghao's words but makes no further comment.
Chan who was the only one left standing after the intense practice, ran a hand through his hair as he kept slowly rehearsing the moves, slowly correcting himself, little by little. Jun watched in adoration, as their maknae continued to nail the choreography with ease.
Being in the performance unit was definitely something he was meant for but it didn't make the extra dance practices or intense choreography easier to get the hang off. Sometimes he was envious of the other two units, the hiphop unit just needed to look like they were having fun on stage and the vocal unit just needed to look ethereal. Them, on the other hand, needed their choreography to look flawless which meant extra practices and extra dances to remember.
Chan continued to hum the beat of 'Highlight' before walking over to his three hyungs, plopping down in between Jun and Minghao. "I think we're almost ready for the music video recording." Chan chirped up making Jun smile, despite still catching his breath. He was always envious at how much energy their maknae had, even after all those extra steps, Chan looked like he wasn't even panting.
Soonyoung sat up slowly. "Yeah and then tomorrow we need to figure out how to do the 13 member version for the concerts."
Minghao lets out a low groan. "You couldn't wait to drop that news tomorrow or something?" Minghao chastises lightly. "Couldn't just let us have the peace for the night?"
Soonyoung clicks his tongue. "As performance leader," he gives Minghao a cheeky grin, "I cannot."
Minghao rolls his eyes at the older boys antics. "Can't believe you're older than me." He muttered. Soonyoung lets out a scoff, about to retort when Minghao notices Soonyoung's eyes sparkle a little before changing, the dark brown slowly turning to a maroon red.
"Your eyes changed colour again." Minghao nonchalantly points out, gesturing towards his eyes making Soonyoung's eyes widen, any remarks dying, as he whips out his phone to document the change.
"Are you any closer to figuring out what it means?" Chan asked Soonyoung, who was still typing ferociously onto his phone. Soonyoung absentmindedly shook his head.
"No," He muttered out, still engrossed as he scrolled through his notes. "It's driving me insane! Like I can't believe I have a soulmate and I can't even communicate with them like Minghao can, all I have is the darned colour changes. Its almost as if the universe just doesn't want me to find—"
Minghao slaps the back of Soonyoung's head before he has the chance to continue making the older boy yelp in pain. Soonyoung shoots glares at Minghao, "What the hell was that for—"
Minghao raises a finger, silencing the boy before gesturing to Jun who was sitting there, quietly with his legs crossed. Soonyoung's eyes widen in understanding, gnawing on his bottom lip. "Sorry Jun." he mutters out making Jun glance up and shake his head slowly, a weak smile on his face.
"It's alright." Jun said softly, shrugging a little, "I'm used to it."
Even after two years, Jun was still the only one unsure if he had a soulmate or not, everyone else had gotten something on their 18th birthday except Chan whose birthday hasn't passed yet and was just a few months away. With every new soul mark that the group celebrated, Jun's hopes dimmed more and more.
After being told to not give up two years ago, Jun had done everything in his power to figure out what soul mark he had. He went onto his ipad in between practice sessions, just to read up on published articles of late blooming soul marks. He picked up some books in the library about the different types of soul marks that have been documented so far, each more unique than the last. Hell, he even tried to force the soul mark to happen by pinching himself after seeing Seungcheol's soul mark or even doodling on himself after seeing Seungkwan's but drew blanks everytime.
Maybe he was really unlucky and he really was going to be the only one without a soulmate.
He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the three younger boys share a glance, a silent conversation between them before shooting to their feet, shocking him.
"I think we're done with practice today." Soonyoung states, stretching a little before holding out a hand for Jun to grab. Jun stares at the hand, side glancing to the two other younger boys before looking at Soonyoung, his eyebrows furrowing. "Don't we have another hour of practice today?"
It was true, the staff had booked the the practice room for eight hours today and left them around two hours ago, trusting that they would practice till the time was up. Soonyoung was normally the one in charge of the timings, being the performance leader and never let the group end earlier for any circumstance even with Chan's constant whines of wanting to end.
Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. "Well," he clicked his tongue, "I was being nice and offering but if you're that concerned," his eyes twinkled with a mischievous sparkle, "You can stay and practice by yourself."
Soonyoung starts to slowly pull his hand back, making Jun's eyes widen, grabbing onto it and pulling himself up. "No thanks." Jun chirped out making Soonyoung roll his eyes, a small smirk making it's way onto his face.
"C'mon." Soonyoung said, putting an arm around Jun's shoulder before glancing at his other two members, a smile on his face. "Let's go to get some food."
The four of them walked out of the practice room, up the stairs and onto the street which was buzzing with ambient noises. They talked about everything under the sun, random little tidbits and inside jokes filled the moments until they stopped at a familiar neon signage.
Jun blinked, not even realizing they had ended up outside his favourite Chinese restaurant. His eyebrows furrow before looking towards the other three boys, one eyebrow raising in question. "I thought you guys wanted to try the new Korean jeon place that was having that one for one deal?"
Soonyoung simply shrugged. "We changed our mind." Jun stared at him in disbelief, clearly not believing his answer but was pushed through the doors of the restaurant by the tiger boy before he could press even further.
"Good evening— Oh! It's you four!" The owner of the restaurant greets them, with a warm smile on her face as the four boys bowed, mirroring her expression. "Where are the other noisy nine that are normally with you all?" She teased, as the boys took their seats at one of the tables near the window of the store.
"Are the four of us not enough aunty?" Soonyoung whines out, making the old lady laugh as Minghao and Chan roll their eyes at their older hyung while Jun just shakes his head, a little embarrassed at their leader's antics. She pat Soonyoung's head. "Enough, enough," She says, soothing the boy. "It's just livelier when all thirteen of you are around."
Mrs Yang, as she told the boys to call her, was a lady in her sixties who had opened this restaurant after she moved from China twenty-odd years ago. Mrs Yang had opened the restaurant with her husband after they had been unable to find jobs in the corporate world and opted for their restaurants to be a 24/7 shop for those who just needed the comfort of a hot bowl of food.
The boys has stumbled across the restaurant before their debut, looking for food at the weird hours of the morning. She had welcomed them with open arms and for Jun, this place was like home far away from home.
Jun enjoyed the food so much that he found himself coming back to the restaurant whenever he felt down or just needed a hot meal that wasn't out of his budget. When Mrs Yang had learned about their debut, she purposely made a special menu for them that cost less than what other patrons paid.
Seungcheol and Jeonghan tried to argue with her about it but she was stubborn to say the least as she threatened them with the idea of lowering the prices for the thirteen of them even more.
She rounded the table to Jun and Minghao's side. "How are my two favourite boys?" She asked, in their native tongue making the two look at each other, a knowing smile on their faces.
"We're good." Minghao replied in Chinese before gesturing towards Jun, "Jun here really wanted to eat your food today."
Mrs Yang looks right at Jun, meeting his gaze before analyzing him.
"Thinking about her?"
Jun gave her a weak smile before looking back at the menu, analyzing it as if he didn't already know what he wanted. The night of his eighteenth Birthday, Jun sneaked out of the shared dormitories, needing to clear his head from the day. Having had practice the whole day, Jun didn't really have time to dwell on the fact of his soulmate and threw himself into the practice, making sure his moves were perfect and didn't really rest the whole day.
The other boys were worried, for sure. He saw the small glances that they gave each other when he was the first back on his feet after the breaks, they saw how he sweat a little harder than the rest of them and how he was unusually quiet, not a single mischievous comment coming out from his mouth.
Minghao and Seungkwan didn't leave his side for majority of the day and when Minghao had appeared in their shared room in his sleepwear with Chan no where to be seen, he knew that the members had a small meeting about him.
That's how he found himself back at the restaurant, drinking a hearty bowl of beef noodle soup, sitting opposite Mrs Yang. The restaurant was always quiet in the dead of the night. Mr Yang working hard to prepare the next set of ingredients needed for the wave of 5am customers who typically worked the night shift while Mrs Yang minced chili for their special chili oil, cut spring onions for garnish or plucked the heads off of bean sprouts.
Tonight she was doing the latter, slowly making her way through mountain in the left while she disposed the headless ones on her right, the heads throwing them into the plastic bag beside her.
She hummed along to an old Chinese song that flowed through the speakers of the restaurant that Jun recognized. It was one of his grandmother's favourite songs that used to play in the house when he was younger. It was at times like this that he missed his home in China and the food only amplified it more. He swallowed his emotions as he downed the last bit of his noodles, placing the bowl on the table with a soft 'thud' alerting Mrs Yang.
She gave him an easy smile, peering into the bowl, "Wahh," She said, the smile on her face growing bigger, "I guess we don't need to run the bowl through the dishwasher with how clean your bowl is."
Jun let out a weak laugh at the joke, sparing her a glance before going back to stare outside the window as he watched one or two cars whizz by.
Mrs Yang's eyes soften watching the forlorn boy who looked like he was close to breaking. She looked towards the kitchen where Mr Yang was standing, glancing between the two of them with a curious look twinkling in his eyes before gesturing towards her making her nod.
Jun was brought out of his thoughts when Mr Yang placed a small serving of a dessert that Jun wasn't expecting to see was placed in-front of him. His eyes widened, before looking between the older couple, his jaw dropping, "Nian Gao?" Jun sputtered out, making the older couple's eyes twinkle with delight.
"Happy birthday my dear boy." Mrs Yang said softly as Mr Yang placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Didn't think we would forget your birthday did you?" Mr Yang asked, his eyebrow raising, "We're old but not that old." Jun immediately shook his head, panicking slightly making Mr Yang let out a hearty laugh as Mrs Yang tsked at her husband, hitting his hand lightly.
"Don't disturb the poor boy like this on his birthday." She chastised her husband but there was no malice in her tone making Mr Yang laugh harder. Jun stared at the couple, longing in his veins, smiling a little sadly at the sight before looking down at the sticky cake in front of him.
The couple shared another glance at Jun's silence before Mrs Yang reached over the table and grabbed his hand that was resting there. "Want to talk about it?" She asked softly.
Jun swallowed. "I don't think I have a soulmate." He lowly admitted, his heart clenching slightly. The older couple were quiet for a beat at the confession before Mrs Yang's eyes hardened slightly on the boy. "That's nonsense."
Jun blinked at her stern words, "Everyone has a soulmate boy." She said, sternly locking eyes with Jun, "The minute you stop believing in that is when your soul doesn't long for them anymore or it feels complete without them next to you."
She raised an eyebrow at the young boy, "Do you truly feel like that?"
The question knocks the wind out of Jun's lung as he finds himself staring at her, his mouth open and closing like a fish before he shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. He really thought about it, her words striking him hard.
"I don't," He manages to answer making Mrs Yang nod her head. "Then she's still out there, longing for you as well."
It's crazy how those few simple words made Jun's doubts all disappear but she was right. If he didn't have a soulmate, he wouldn't feel this upset about not having something he didn't have in the first place. He wouldn't feel like something is missing from his life.
Mrs Yang gave Jun's hand a small squeeze. "Blow your candle already my dear boy." She said, pulling her hand back, "Make a good wish."
Jun smiled at the older couple who stared at him, their eyes filled with adoration and pride before he made a wish. He wished upon every single star in the sky that he would find her.
That's how they ended up here, the Yangs' had been helping Jun out by giving him hope and also checking with all their soulmate doctors that they knew. They always had something new to give Jun but with the search getting harder and harder each day, they were coming up short during his last recent visits.
"I always am." He answered, a reply to Mrs Yang's question, "I don't think she ever leaves my mind."
Mrs Yang gives the boy a sympathetic smile, reaching down and giving his hand a squeeze, "Good, as long as you don't give up on her." She says, her words a little fierce before turning to the younger Chinese boy.
"And you?" Mrs Yang asked. "Has she communicated with you?"
Minghao gave her a small smile. "We're trying," He mutters back softly, tugging at his sleeves to show the dark words of his soulmates thoughts on his arm, "Hard with the time difference and the language barrier but Shua hyung and Vernon have been helping me."
Mrs Yang gives the boy a toothy smile at that. "Good boys." She says, her smile widening at the thought of Joshua and Vernon. "I'll pack some extra food later for you to bring to them." The two boys give her an appreciative smile and thank her in Chinese before Mrs Yang clapped her hands.
"Right!" She said in Korean, getting the rest of the boys attentions, "I got a treat for you boys tonight." She gave them a wink with a promise to be right back before disappearing behind into the kitchen where she talked in fast Cantonese with her husband.
The four boys glance at each other before laughing to themselves as the couple loudly talked to each other. Not even twenty minutes later, the table was filled with various different dishes that the older couple whipped up making the four boys salivate.
"Dig in!" Mrs Yang said, clapping her hands as the boys eagerly began to dig in. "Woah!" Soonyoung gasped out after taking a spoonful of soup, "This is so good." Mrs Yang nods, her smile filled with pride, "It's Mala Tang," She said proudly, "Mr Yang and I thought it would be good for us to add it to the menu since Minghao and Jun mentioned liking it."
Jun took a sip of the soup and let out a sigh of contentment. "Really tastes like home Mrs Yang."
"I'm glad." She says, giving him a huge smile and patting his head gently.
They share stories with Mrs Yang about their recent practice and their upcoming concerts, Soonyoung sometimes getting out of his seat to dance the dance for her making Minghao shake his head at his antics as Jun and Chan laughed at their leader.
She clapped her hands as Soonyoung finished his one man show of 'Highlight'. "Bravo!" She cheered as Soonyoung took an exaggerated bow making Chan laugh as Minghao sighed and Jun smiled in between bites.
He quietly listened to Soonyoung animatedly tell Mrs Yang about his ideas for the thirteen member version of the song, placing more chili oil in his mala tang spoon as the clock struck 10pm. He took a sip of the soup, loving the spice and numbness on his tongue before it totally dulled in record speed, replaced by the strong taste of water.
Jun jumped in surprise, confusion flooding his features as he stared at the spoon as if it had offended him, which it did. "What in the world?" Jun wondered aloud before placing more chili oil into the soup before taking another spoonful of the soup and put it into his mouth.
Minghao who heard his murmurs, glanced at him, his eyebrow raised. Jun felt the numbness and the spice hit his tongue again before it was once again doused with taste of water.
"Not spicy enough for you?" Minghao asks teasingly as Jun frowned at the bowl getting the attention of the other three people at the table.
"No," Jun started, confusion still etched into his features, "I keep tasting water for some reason after drinking the soup."
Minghao's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What?" He asked. Jun shrugged, "The mala taste of numbness and spice is there for like a second but then it gets overwhelmed by a really strong water taste." Jun said, taking another sip of the soup. He scrunches his nose in confusion as he tasted more water, the more he clicked his tongue.
Soonyoung at the other end of the table made a face before his eyes widened in realization as he turned to Mrs Yang who smiled as the gears turned in her head at Jun's words.
"Look's like your soulmate has finally found you." Mrs Yang said, making Jun tilt his head in confusion before it hit him. Chan and Minghao let out gasps as it hit them as well. Jun felt his heart thunder in his ribcage as his eyes widened.
Soonyoung rushed out of his seat, rounded the table and hugged the boy, squeezing him tightly as Minghao reached over to grab Jun's hand, "I told you so." Minghao said, in their native tongue, squeezing the boys hand.
Jun felt tears swarm his vision as his taste buds came to life, tasting the sweet taste of cream cheese frosting and chocolate cake on his tongue.
Red Velvet Cake.
He had finally found you.
10 YEARS LATER
"Fuck." You curse under your breath, running through the city in your heels was surely not the way you wanted to start your morning. It wasn't like you meant to sleep through all three of your alarms, you had stayed up to the early hours of the morning, working on your newest article for the magazine.
After you had graduated from high school, your old manager during your internship had called and offered you a position with the magazine after loving your work so much. Hence, you were known as the culinary and food expert at the Gourmet Magazine.
"Hey Mina," You greet as you brisk walked through the company glass doors. Mina, the receptionist looks up from her computer before giving you a bright smile, greeting you with your name as you gave her your card to scan you in.
"Long night?" She asks, glancing at the time on her computer making you give her a weak smile as you shrug, "You know how it is when we're wrapping up articles." You answered tiredly, making her nod her head sympathetically.
Mina had been the receptionist at the company since you started working full-time here. She was always around and she somehow always had the brightest smile on her face. She was also one of your closer friends in the company, always having an extra coffee for you whenever you were working late and always brought you donuts or other forms or sweet treats. She was quite literally your life saver.
"I hope the article goes well," She says softly, passing you back your card as you give her a warm smile, thanking her before she open the gantries for you. Your heels click on the marble floor as you press the button for the elevator, taking it up to the fifth floor.
You briskly walked in, dumping your stuff on top of the table of your cubicle before sinking into your chair, letting out a sigh of relief as you check the clock. Five minutes to spare, you roll your shoulders, finally catching your breath before a head peaked over your cubicle divider.
"There you are," Nari teased making you roll your eyes, a smile on your face as you came face to face with your cubicle sharer. "Was wondering if you were going to make it for the special meeting today or not."
You huff out a scoff, "And risk getting my ass handed to me by Minho?" You mutter back, shaking your head, "He would kill me if I missed the meeting."
Nari rolled her eyes at that, "As if." She scoffed, "You're literally his favourite journalist in the field. I think he would rather choke on his own guts before chewing yours out." You scrunched your nose at the image, "Gross." You said making Nari laugh.
Nari had joined the same time as you as a fellow intern for the food magazine. The two of you had solid portfolios and because management couldn't choose, they decided to offer both of you the spots. You and Nari became friends pretty quickly even though she was a year older than you were and the two of you chatted about everything under the sun. After the internship was over and the two of you finished high school, you were both on boarded together and have been working as cubicle besties since then.
Your phone buzzed making you glance at it before fishing through your bag for your laptop and the hard copy of your article and column for the week. "C'mon, you menace." You called to Nari, "Let's go see what Park wants before he hands us something bad for being late."
Nari appears beside you in record speed with her own laptop and hard copies in her hand, "He loves us too much to actually do that." She says, a mischievous grin on her face making you roll your eyes. "Well, let's not actually give him a reason then."
The two of you continue to chat as you made your way into the meeting room, where your magazine manager, Park Minho already stood. Beside him, sat his personal assistant, Lina who had a frown on her face as she was typing up a storm on her laptop in front of her, her fingers flying across the keyboard at record speed.
As you and Nari pushed open the glass door, Minho looked up before grinning at the sight of you two, "There are my two favourite food journalists!" He announced, doing an exaggerated arm opening movement making both you and Nari roll your eyes at his antics.
"Don't let Terry hear you say that," Nari teased, as she took a seat at his other side. You flashed Lina a grin who flashes you one back, tiredness etched into it before she went back to typing on her computer.
"Well, if Terry's articles and food columns actually hit 1500 views over the weekend," Minho began, eyeing the two of you with an easy grin on his face, "He shall get that spot then."
Your eyes widened as you looked at Nari who had a similar look on her face before looking back at your manager, "We hit 1.5k views?" You asked in disbelief making Minho nod as he flashed you both grins of pride, "Yep! Just over the weekend!"
You and Nari high-five each other, the smiles on your faces not dimming, "Was this what this meeting is for?" Nari asked, her eyes still sparkling making Minho shake his head, "Firstly," He pointed towards the papers on yours and Nari's computers, "I need to collect your columns and articles for this week."
The two of you share a look before passing them to him, he flipped through them briefly before passing them to Lina who tucks them into her file beside her. "Secondly," He starts before gesturing towards the projector screen, "The higher ups have been super impressed with the work that you both have been putting in and they recently wanted to offer you an assignment that is specially catered to the two of you."
You and Nari glanced at each other before looking back at the screen as Minho changed it to the next slide. Upon reading the words etched onto the slide, you felt your blood run cold.
"Food for the Soul: A Soulmate Assignment?" Nari asked, her tone ecstatic as you just stared at it with your mouth open. Minho nodded his head eagerly, seeming not to notice both your expressions as he continued, "Since both of you have a soul mark related to food cravings or taste, the higher ups thought that they wanted to create a series where you look for your soulmates through the foods and see if you can find them."
He flips to the next slide, "Of course, the trip is also fully-paid, you just need to inform Lina and I of the location you think your soulmate is in and we will get you the accommodations as well as give you money for you to spend to write the series."
Minho finally turns to you and Nari who have different expressions etched onto your faces as you just stared blankly at the projection screens, "Of course, we have to work out a timeline, what your series will actually entail but this is the basics of the assignment." Minho finishes, with a satisfied grin on his face as he takes a seat back into the rolling chair of the meeting room.
"Any questions?" He asks making Nari shake her head with a huge smile on her face before he turned to look at you who still stared at the board, a million thoughts running through your head. You felt faint.
After the incident of your eighteenth birthday, you held a huge dislike for your soulmate and his taste buds. You were aware that you and your soulmate definitely didn't live in the same country with the amount of times you would wake up with the taste of Americano on your taste buds before you even had your first cup of coffee and the amount of times you would eat your late dinner with the taste of toothpaste on your tongue.
At the start of your journalism journey, it was difficult to say the least. For every single assignment, you had to work around the times when your soul mate was having his meals so as to not have it clash with the food that you were writing your reviews for.
You had learned that the hard way when you were tasting the cakes of the newest rising bakery in town, only to almost spit out the delicious creamy cakes when you taste the sour and spicy taste of some fish dish that your soul mate was having. Safe to say, you worked your absolute hardest to give the bakery the best review it could ever get and business was still booming to this day.
You had tried to make a schedule for when your soul mate eats his meals and he was consistent for a while but within a month or so, that schedule will change sporadically throughout the month leaving you to just shred the schedule and go "fuck it", to try to find other workarounds. Which of course, there weren't.
This lead to your certain distaste for him and his taste buds as he never really had anything sweet and opted for every single spicy or sour food he could find his hands on. However, as much as you didn't like him or the idea of him, he was… sweet sometimes.
He must've gotten a schedule down for you, because unlike his outrageously sporadic schedule, you kept your meal times to a certain range in the day and it only strayed sometimes when you were in the middle of assignments or on work trips.
Because for the week during your periods, he ate milder stuff and kept to a proper schedule like it was clockwork. More sweet stuff than spicy or sour and sometimes he would sneak a chocolate during the middle of your day which made you smile as you taste the creaminess on your tongue.
You would be nice as well and eat something spicy during the week after, during one of your meals as a quiet 'thank you' to which he always replied with either another sweet chocolate or something sweeter. Still, that didn't mean you were okay with having a soul mate, he was normally a blip in your imagination until your tongue tastes something unfamiliar which makes you frown and curse him out even more.
Now you were expected to make a series to force yourself to find him? The biggest assignment of your career where you get to travel for 3 to 4 months and it was all to find someone that you didn't want in the first place.
You gnawed on your bottom lip before feeling Nari nudge you, snapping you out of your thoughts. You eyed her before realizing that all three of the people in the room were staring at you. You cleared your throat before straightening up, flashing Minho a weak smile.
"Sorry, spaced out there for a moment." you say, looking between him and Lina, "What did I miss?"
Minho gives you a curious look before clearing his throat as he gestures back to the presentation, "Well, I was just saying that you and Nari have a week, you can brainstorm with each other or separately and decide what your game plan is and where you think your soulmate is."
He peers at his watch before tapping it with his fingers, "Right, Lina and I need to run for a meeting with the Chief." He said, standing before pushing his chair and shooting the two of you a bright white smile, buttoning his suit jacket. "If you two have any questions, just shoot them into my inbox!" He says cheerily as Lina stood by his side, her signature frown still on her face as she gripped her laptop and files like they were her lifeline, which they probably were.
With that, he gives the two of you a wave before stepping out of the room. Nari turns to you as soon, her excitement radiating off of her. "I can't believe this!" She all but squeals as she grips your hands in hers, her eyes twinkling.
"A paid assignment to go find our soulmate!" She said, her tone dreamy as her eyes glazed over a little, "It's almost like a dream come through!"
You manage to give her a weak smile. "Yeah." You mutter out, your eyes moving downwards to stare at the scratch marks on the wooden table as the faint taste of kimchi fills your tastebuds.
"A dream come true, alright…"
You stare at blinking cursor on your screen, the blank document reflecting the opposite of every single thought in your brain before you groan out in frustration. You push your laptop off of your lap and onto your bed as you sink further into the pillows.
It had been almost a week since you had your meeting with Minho and you were nowhere close to drafting up that working plan for him about finding your soulmate. You felt like a zombie the past few days, sure you were present in the meetings, there for your discussion sessions with Nari but it felt as if you were on autopilot for all of them.
You half-heatedly listened to Nari as she explained to you her idea. Nari, like you, had a food related soul mark but for her, it was related to what her soul mate was craving at different times. They didn't taste each others food, but whatever her soul mate was craving, Nari found herself craving the same thing. It didn't matter who craved it first, the two of them ended up having the same meals anyway.
If you had gotten that soulmark instead, you felt that it wouldn't make a difference because he would've craved an immense amount of spicy and sour food and you weren't sure that your tastebuds could handle more than one meal of spice or sour foods a day. It just wasn't in your system to have it.
As she animatedly told you her plan, how she thought that her soulmate was situated in Italy, he always had a certain craving for different Italian foods such as pizzas and pastas and how he seemed to also crave a certain Italian wine.
You envied her a little bit, she had a plan and she wanted to meet the man that was part of her soul. You on the other hand, felt a pit in your stomach whenever you felt someone ask you about your soulmate.
You had been on a few dates here and there, with people who hadn't found their soulmate yet either but nothing ever truly stuck. You were committed to your work and you definitely didn't stand in the other persons way when the date eventually went eastward when they found their respective one.
"Don't worry," They used to assure you as they paid for your drink. "I'm sure he's out there looking for you as well."
You weren't sure about that. As much as you haven't been trying to find your mysterious man, he also wasn't making it easy to pinpoint where he was on the map. Your parents had given you a journal for your birthday, something cheesy with stars on it and titled it 'Your Soulmate Journal' for you to document everything related to your soulmate for you to find them. They had also given one to your brother for him to document the certain feelings he felt when he touched the mark or whether it glowed brighter and in which direction.
You used it to document the food he ate instead. Sometimes if you wanted to wing the assignments, you used the food journal of his tastes to get ahead, to get the variety that you normally wouldn't eat yourself. It worked for a while but at the end of the day, you felt guilty for your soulmate. You didn't want anything to do with him but you were using him to get ahead, so you stopped and just documented what he ate, trying to find a pattern, just to satisfy your parents every time you saw them for Sunday dinners, just to say you were trying.
You glance at the journal on your desk and sighed, getting up to take it before flipping through it.
18/9/2017
Loser boy ate the spicy numbing food again. Been talking to Minho and Nari about what the foods were to try and get more info. Admittedly, maybe he has taken the hint from the amount of water I keep dousing my tongue in after he eats the food, but he's been getting a milder one.
Either that or I'm getting better at eating his god-awful spicy food.
25/12/2018
Found out what the hell that spicy food is. Nari came into work and brought an extra portion of lunch for me today. It smelled good but as soon as I tasted it, it felt like my tastebuds were tasting him. She told me its something called Mala tang, something she had discovered in the city and it was to die for.
I agree with her on that considering I nearly died from it during my birthday but I didn't mention that to her. I thanked her as my stomach did flip flops as I ate quietly.
The food wasn't bad but considering my low spice tolerance, I definitely can't eat this everyday.
My question to my loser boy, why the hell do you?
You grimace as you recalled the last memory before flipping a few more pages.
10/6/2019
Is today his birthday?
It could be a coincidence but he had cake just now. Not that he hasn't had cake before. But it's always on this specific day. I flipped through the last three years of entries and I think it is.
He had three different kinds today… Chocolate, Vanilla and Strawberry, all filled with cream. It felt like he ate a lot more sweet stuff today than normal. Maybe he was trying to communicate with me?
18/10/2021
I fucking hate him.
I thought I had his schedule down, but I somehow woke up at 4am in the goddamn morning, because he decided to eat Mala Tang again. He put extra spice this time though.
Is he doing it on purpose?
I would normally only taste mint now but I'm tasting so much food, its annoying.
I've tasted Mala Tang, some kind of sweet and sour pork and some kind of black pepper beef.
I fucking hate him.
I hate that he made me hungry at 4am in the morning.
29/6/2022
God, hes been eating at weird timings again. The last time it was like this, it lasted for a few months where I'd wake up with different food tastes in my mouth.
What does he work as?
A food taster? Some moonlighter? Why does his food schedule go haywire every few months?
The only conclusion I can come up with is that he travels a lot. There's no other explanation.
Unless he hates me which I can't blame him because I hate his tastebuds.
You flipped through it more until you came to the most recent one which was a tally.
Tallied results:
Korean food - 6890 times
Chinese food - 3568 times
You internally groan, just looking at the first two. You weren't stupid. He was definitely in Korea from the amount of times he had eaten Korean food over the last few years that you had documented. But he seemed to take a liking to Chinese food, considering that he eats Mala at least twice a week from your count.
You glance towards the framed polaroid on your desk and frown a little more. The picture of you and your older brother Chris, stares back at you making you sigh. You had an inkling for years that your soulmate was in Korea, which was why you never really traveled there with a fear of running into him on the street, breaking this little bubble that you were keen to keep.
You knew that Chris was disappointed. Your parents traveled there to visit him as least once every quarter with your siblings but you never went. It started with small excuses at first, like you can't take leave from work, you needed to finish the article, you were traveling for a work trip, et cetera.
Chris also hummed in understanding but you could see the look in his eyes that he knew you were lying to him and that you were keeping something from him. He just didn't press you enough to figure out what you were hiding from him.
You stared at the polaroid for a beat longer before sighing and pulling out your phone. Checking the time and doing the mental math, you went into facetime and hovered over the call button on his contact. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth before deciding 'fuck it' and hitting the button.
His ringtone rang once. Twice. Thrice.
As you started to second guess yourself and hovered over the disconnect button, the ringing stopped and changed to 'connecting'.
Your eyes widened but before you could calm your nerves, Chris appeared on your screen with makeup on with a concerned expression on his face.
"Hi-" You managed to say before Chris interrupted you.
"Are you hurt?" He asked, urgently making you stop and frown, "What—"
"Is something the matter?" He asked again, before rattling even more. "Did something happen with mum and dad? Wait- no then you would've called an ambulance first. Is it Hannah? Or Lucas?"
"Chris—"
His eyes widened, "Oh my god! Did you just get fired?? Is that why you look so worried?? Do you need money??"
"Chris." You called, getting a little more frustrated but he payed you no mind as he continues on rambling.
"Well, we didn't plan for this but we can go to Plan Contingency B! Where you move to Korea with me and then we can figure out the rest of the stuff. Let me call my manager and then we can have you situated her—"
"Christopher Chahn Bahng!" You exclaimed, making him pause at the mention of his full government name, looking at you as his face pales even more.
"Oh god! Is it worst than that?" You wanted to slam your head into the wall at your brothers expression.
Before he could launch into another spiral of rants, you spit out, "Chris, I need to talk to you about my soulmate."
At that, he freezes, his jaw dropping open.
You never talk about your soulmate willingly since your eighteenth birthday. Your parents or siblings always had to pull it out of you whenever you met up with them for dinners or on calls. You never brought it up first, considering it to just be a small blip in your life, much to your parent's disdain.
You stayed silent, letting the initial shock sink in as well as letting his brain process.
"Chris?" You call out softly after counting to hundred in your head, "Can I continue?"
Chris closes his mouth, taking a swallow before nodding, "Er, yeah." He clears his throat as he sat up straighter, "Sorry, I wasn't expecting that."
"Neither did I when you started your full rant about contingency plans." You quipped back making a small flush appear on his cheeks, "When you call me in the middle of the night after my concert —which you normally never do, a brother can worry."
Your eyes widen at that, "Oh shit!" You mutter out. He shakes his head and holds up his free hand before you could even begin to apologize, "You can apologize by telling me what's got you awake at 1am in the morning when you have work tomorrow."
You took a deep breath before you told him about everything, the assignment, how you thought your soulmate was in Korea and how conflicted you were about everything. Chris just listened, never interrupting you as he shuffled around his hotel room, dressing down for the night after the concert. The only times he spoke was to ask a few questions here and there, just to clarify and piece the story together better.
"So," You breathe out, finally catching him up on everything, "What do you think?"
Chris was quiet for a moment, his makeup now fully removed as he sunk lower into his bed, "Is that why you haven't wanted to visit me the last few years?" He asks, softly. Your heart drops at the question before you give a small nod, "I knew the chances of me bumping into him were small but," You shook your head, "I just didn't know if I wanted to meet him yet." You hesitate a little before admitting, "Or if I was even ready to meet him."
Silence enveloped the room as the two of you digested everything that you had talked about before Chris sighs over the phone and runs a hand through his hair.
"I understand." He finally says, giving you a small smile and a shrug, "It was your anti-soulmate defense system talking," he says, a slight tease in his tone before it drops, "But this might be a good thing you know?" He says gently, "You were going to have to face him eventually and meeting him might give you a better piece of mind Red. You need to give him a chance."
You nod, rubbing your eyes, "I know," you mutter out, "I just didn't think it was going to happen so soon."
Chris nodded, empathetically, "I know Red," he whispers out, "But running away from him isn't going to work forever. I think this might be the universes way of telling you to face your fears."
You heave out a sigh before rolling over onto your back, your hand reaching out to grab your pillow before cuddling it, "I didn't think that my biggest assignment of my career was going to revolve around him Channie." You softly admit making him frown as he stared at you through the phone.
"I'm sorry Red."
You shake your head as you feign a brave smile, "It's okay." Your voice wavering slightly as you try to reassure him (and yourself). "I need to finish typing up my game plan."
Chris visibly hesitates and opens his mouth to say something but rethinks it and just nods.
You bid him goodnight and was about to hang up when he calls out to you.
"Red?"
You raise an eyebrow, "Yeah?"
He chews his bottom lip, "Would you like to stay with me when you come?" Your eyebrows furrow at the suggestion, "Is that even allowed?" You ask making him shrug, "I probably need to talk to my manager about it but Jeong-in probably won't mind if you bunk with me plus…" He trails off, hesitating slightly making you raise an eyebrow, "Plus?"
"It'll be nice to live in the same house again, that's all." Chris softly says making your heart clench slightly at the tone of his voice making you relent, "Alright." You relent, giving him a small smile. "Check with your manager and we can plan from there."
Saying that the next few weeks felt like a fever dream would be the understatement of the century.
If you weren't at home, you were at work pulling different all-nighters to wrap up the remaining projects, interviews and articles you were assigned to write before this assignment. If you weren't at work, you were at your parents house having family dinner where they would ask you countless amount of questions about your proposal which you always answered halfheartedly or with an awkward edge in your tone.
If you weren't at your parents house, you were at home, writing and rewriting your soulmate assignment proposal as if it was the last thing you will ever work on— which it might be if Minho kept asking you to rearrange or add more things to give your assignment a little more pizzaz.
As if it wasn't bad enough, the icing on the cake was that your soulmate's eating schedule had changed for the umpteenth time, which caused you to have zero appetite to eat upon tasting whatever spicy or sour poison your soulmate had chosen to have right before you woke up.
You know you shouldn't be blaming your soulmate who was none the wiser about the situation that you found yourself in but you couldn't help it. Not when suddenly, your whole life just revolved around him.
Your work, your family dinners, hell, even your sleep schedule dependent on him. So, by some act of pettiness (and sleep deprivation), you decided to fight back with an ample amount of sweet things whenever the first drop of spice or sourness hit your tastebuds.
You retaliated with that for a few days until it seemed that he picked up that you were angry with him which he answered by eating cleaner food, food that didn't linger in your mouth which made your heart clench slightly, feeling guilty that you had taken your angst and frustration out on him.
So when Nari's jaw drops open upon seeing what you were eating during a normal Tuesday lunch, a week before you fly off, you sort of feel the urge to crawl into a hole and rethink your lunch option.
"Are you eating Mala?" Nari asks, her eyes fixated on the instant noodles you were about to shove into your mouth. You stare at her, your mouth agape, the food about to enter as you peer down at your lunch option before looking back up at her and shrug, using the chopsticks to put the food into your mouth.
"Wanted to see what the hype was about." You state as nonchalantly as you could even though you could feel your cheeks burn, as if you were caught doing something forbidden. "Plus, he was nice during hell week for me."
Nari stares at you as if you had grown a second head, "Did your period come early?" She finally asks, making you choke on your food as you stare at her, absolutely flabbergasted by her comment.
"No—" You choke out, taking a few sips of water to calm yourself down before continuing, "You can't ask me that in the middle of work! What the hell Nari?"
"Well!" Nari sputters out dropping her lunch on the table as she takes her seat opposite you, "I have the right to question if you're acting strange!"
You roll your eyes at her dramatics, picking up one of the ingredients with your chopsticks, "You're crazy." You mutter out, eating the ingredient making her narrow her eyes at you. Knowing that she heard you, you return it with a teasing smile making her scoff at your antics.
"Are you ready for next week?" Nari asks, opening up her lunch, a stir-friend special from the Chinese place down the road. You swallow your food before nodding as you take a sip of your water, "Yeah, just wrapping up the article on 'Milan's Bistro' and the special column on my take of 'Charles Boyle's Pizza Ratings' for the Writer's Takes, which should be published this Friday if Minho gives me the green light." You say making Nari chuckle slightly at your column for the 'Writer's Take'.
"Did you start rating some pizza places out of twelve then?" She asks making you give her a mischievous smile, "Of course," You exaggerate, "What kind of connoisseur would I be if I didn't use his famous metric system as a fellow food enthusiast?"
Nari laughs at your words making you laugh along with her before the two of you converse about her columns and articles she has left.
"Did Minho finally agree with your proposal?" She asks you towards the end of your meal. You hummed out a 'yes' making her let out a sigh of relief, "I thought he would never accept it." She states, recycling her takeout container as you let out a tense exhale.
"I didn't think he would either." You mutter out, turning to the water cooler to refill your bottle. "Can't blame him though, this proposal was definitely the worst one I've written by far for all the assignments that I've done."
Nari frowns at your words, "Don't say that." She sternly says making you shrug, unapologetic, "It's fine Nari, really." You assure her as you plaster on a small smile, locking eyes with her concerned gaze, "My heart just isn't into this assignment as much as it should be and he knows that, which is why he was pushing me to give it my all."
"Still," She argues, her frown deepening making you shake your head, "It's something to not want to find your soulmate but being forced to find them for the sake of your job." She shakes her head. "I'm sorry that you have to go through that."
You felt guilt sink in a little at her words.
You had shared your experience with Nari around your fourth brainstorm session when she was concerned about why your document was still semi-blank. You had hesitated to share with her but after taking a glance at her concerned face, you told her everything.
Still, after everything that had been going on, you realized that you weren't as against meeting your soulmate as you thought you would be. How he was thoughtful when he shouldn't be. How he always knows when you were heading to bed by eating a little sweet treat before you brushed your teeth to give you just that little burst of serotonin. How he always knew when you were having a hard day by the amount of coffee that you drank and would pop a mint before you did because he noticed that you did that everytime you had finished your coffee, not liking the lingering taste in your mouth.
It almost felt like he was apologizing for all the times he knew you were pissed off at him because of his irregular eating schedule. However, you were still a woman of your word and having to dedicate your life to someone who was written for you in the stars, just didn't sit right with you.
So you just gave Nari a shrug. "It's alright." You mutter out, grabbing your water bottle before walking with her out of the break room. "Who knows," You start, a joking tone in your words as you try to break the tension, "Maybe he's right and I will believe in soulmates after this."
As soon as Chris whips the door open for you, you collapse into his open arms, not caring whether it came off as clingy as you breath in your brothers comforting scent.
He jumped at first but slowly relaxed into your arms as you feel him let out a chuckle as he wraps his arms around you. "Long flight?" Chris asks lowly making you nod into his chest.
"Forgot how long it takes to get to Seoul from Brisbane."
He chuckles at that as you pull away, making him step aside to let you step into his shared apartment. You walk in and sigh, feeling the days weight lift off your shoulders as your brother carries your luggage in, before shutting the door close with a soft thud.
You take in your surroundings noticing how homely the apartment felt despite not having a lot of memorabilia around the living room area.
"Nice place." You call out as Chris made his way back into the shared area, right after dropping off your luggage in his room.
He shrugs, almost nonchalantly before he walks into the kitchen. "We try," He says simply as he whips the fridge open. "Want something to eat?" He asks, looking straight at you making you nod.
He pulls some stuff out of the fridge as you slide into a chair at their kitchen island.
"Where's Jeong-in?" You ask, noticing that his door was open and his lights were off.
"He's at the recording studio tonight." Chris says, ripping a packet of ramyeon open. "He wanted to get a bit of recording done for the new album."
You let out a hum of acknowledgment before you unlock your phone, answering a few messages from your parents as well as Nari and Minho who asked if you had landed. You continue to scroll, opting to answer a few work emails that were not as pressing, leaving the pressing ones for tomorrow instead.
"Checking your new article statistics?" Chris asks as he places a bowl of freshly made raymeon in-front of you making your stomach growl. Your mouth waters slightly as you nod, taking the chopsticks from him after placing your phone facedown on the counter.
"The article has 859 views concurrently and counting." You chirp happily, taking a bite of the noodles and humming contentedly. Chris watches you with slight amusement on his face as he leans against the counter. "Wouldn't have expected anything less from you Red." He says, his voice full of pride making you give him a sweet smile before continuing to scarf down your food.
The two of you indulge in small talk as you finish your food, him talking a little about his new album and giving you a few sneak peeks.
Him asking how the flight was, while you complain about the amount of non-direct flights from Brisbane to Seoul.
"It's a little insane." You say, placing your chopsticks on the rim of the bowl before pushing it to the side. "You would think that there would be more direct flights."
He chuckles, picking up your dish to rinse it off before placing it into the dishwasher. "Now you know how I feel." He teases lightly, wiping his hands on the cloth next to the sink. "You can't tease me anymore for how dead I look after every flight when I come visit now."
You roll your eyes at his words. "Fine fine." You relent, slipping out of the chair as you grimace slightly, feeling icky from the amount of traveling you had done. "I really need a shower."
Chris nods. "Your towel is on the blow up mattress in the room." He starts as he gestures to your room for the next few months. "After you shower, we can discuss about your plans for the week and how to get there."
You give him a quick hum in acknowledgement before skipping towards his room to wash the airport smell off of you. Twenty minutes later, you hum one of his songs under your breath before drying your hair as Chris scrolls through the places you had listed for your soulmate assignment.
You shut the hair dryer off before collapsing on his bed as he continues to analyze your itinerary. "So," You begin, stretching a little, "How's the itinerary?"
Chris nods, giving you a smile. "It's good but that's a lot of places to get through this week." He gives you a small look. "Are you sure you're going to be able to get through all that food tomorrow?"
You let out a sigh, trying to collapse further into the pillows. "I'm only allowed to be here for three to four months Chris." You shake your head. "I just want to narrow the places first so that I will have an easier time with the article."
"But this looks like a food suicide mission Red." Chris lets out, pointing towards the places that was listed on your spreadsheet. "You wrote that you have to get through nine restaurants tomorrow and it's definitely not cheap."
"This coming from the ever loving leader of Stray Kids, a premier fourth-generation Kpop phenomenon." You mutter out making your brother scoff as he pushes the laptop off of his lap. "I'm serious Red, don't you want to space it out a little more or remove some of the items on your list at least?"
You shake your head. "Again, I can't do that Chris." You say, feeling a little more frustrated by the second, "The timeline is already unbelievably short. Not to mention I need to write an article that means something to my soulmate. Which means I need to find the guy, and go, 'Hey, I don't quite want a soulmate but for the sake of my job, I need you to spend the day with me so that you can tell me about your favourite food and then we can go our separate ways.'" You rant as your brother watches you with an unreadable look on his face.
"How am I meant to do all that in four months if I take my time?"
Chris watches you for a beat, analyzing you as you go through your spiral before sighing and pulling you into his embrace. "Sorry." He mutters out as he wraps you slightly tighter in his arms. "Forgot how much pressure you're under to do this."
You let yourself breath a little, feeling his words hit home as you relax into his embrace. "It's okay." You finally let yourself say, slightly muffled due to his clothes, "I'll figure it out."
"You always do." Chris mutters out as you nod into his chest. "Wanna watch a movie?" He asks softly making you nod.
"Breakfast Club?" You ask, pulling your head away from his chest as he frowns.
"Again?" He groans out, as you give him a small frown in return. "What's wrong with the breakfast club?" You whine out as he shakes his head.
"I swear we've watched that movie at least once whenever we see each other." Chris quips back. "Are you not sick of the movie?"
"It's a classic."
"Deadpools a classic, but you don't see me asking to watch it whenever you bring up movie night."
You snort. "As if! I've seen you watch that at least twice whenever you're back home with us." You wave your hand a little animatedly, "Plus how is Deadpool a classic? It's a superhero movie."
"Superhero movies can be considered a classic."
"It's not old enough to be considered a classic you buffoon, although you could be from how old you are."
"How dare you?! I'm only a year older than you."
"A year closer to death you mean."
"I'll show you death."
THE BEEF NOODLES OF FATE - Week 1 out of 16
When Chris suggested that you should have a driver with you today, you had refused and told him that you wanted to explore Seoul independently and away from the spotlight which might be hard if you went in a JYP issued car.
The two times you had come with your family to see your brother's concerts, you realized how many of them knew when you would be arriving due to the cars that were sent to pick you up from the hotel. It gave you the shock of your life, seeing the amount of people waiting for you outside your hotel, wanting to get a glimspe of your brother.
Due to the fact that you were working on an assignment that caused you more migraines than any other ones, you knew that you needed a quiet day.
Now, however, you were regretting not taking up his offer.
You had forgotten to charge your phone when you had arrived home yesterday and left the apartment with low battery, only realizing after you had gotten onto the train which had been a hard walk already.
You tried to minimize your use of your phone as much as you could but by the 7th location, your phone had inevitably died.
Which leads you to where you are now.
You let out a small groan as you continue to walk down the street, looking for any signs or indicators that could get you out of your predicament. Chris mentioned that he was going to be working late at JYP and wouldn't be home till the early hours of the morning.
You had asked the lady at the restaurant for directions but unfortunately, due to your minimal sense of direction, you had gotten lost somewhere.
Judging from the clock at the 7th place you went to, you would guess that it was roughly around 10pm. Meaning that if Chris were to save you, he would only be able to in three to four hours depending on what time he gets home and realizes that you aren't there.
You hope that it was the former rather than the latter.
"At least it can't get worst than this." You mutter out to yourself before feeling something prick the edge of your skin making you look up to see that it is starting to drizzle. You let out a huff as you felt the rain pelt against your hoodie, dampening it. "Just my luck." You sarcastically mumble to yourself before you sprint down the street.
It starts to rain heavier as you try to look for a restaurant or shop that's open this late at night before you spot one in the distance. The neon sign of the restaurant acting like a beacon as you run towards it, feeling the rain soak you a little more.
A bell chimes as you enter the shop, a gust of warm air hitting you making you shiver slightly as the glass door shuts with a soft clang behind you.
You huff out a sigh as you take in your appearance, seeing the rain had drenched you from top to bottom. You were glad that you had decided to wear darker colours today before you left Chris and Jeong-In's dormitory. The smell of delicious Chinese food fills your nose as you look around the restaurant, your eyes widening at how cozy the interior looks despite it looking slightly run down.
"Oh hello!" A voice chirps out beside you making you turn to see an elderly Chinese lady with a warm smile on her face. You give her a sheepish smile as you watch her take in your appearance as a frown overtakes the smile on her face.
"Goodness!" She yells out, looking at you with wide eyes. "You're drenched dear."
You feel a small flush rise to your cheeks, opening your mouth to speak but are interrupted by her dragging you deeper into the restaurant. She makes you sit at one of the tables before disappearing behind the counter and speaking some fast Mandarin— or was it Cantonese, to the person in the kitchen before returning with a set of fresh clothes and a towel.
Your eyes widen as you stand up, sticking your arms up to try to stop her when she shoots you a stern look. "Don't argue with me on this." She says with a hard look making you shudder before taking the clothes from her with a soft 'thank you'.
She waves her hand as if it wasn't a big deal before pointing towards the kitchen doors. "There's a small bathroom just through there and up the stairs." She says, her warm smile back on her face. "If you get lost, just call for Mr Yang."
You give her a curt nod before awkwardly walking towards the kitchen through the hanging curtain. You see an older man, sitting on the stool there who shoots you a warm smile and points you towards the way you need to go making you bow before sprinting towards the tiny bathroom.
You change and dry your hair in a couple of minutes, looking at the fresh set of clothes which appear to be a K-pop groups merch, noticing the logo as you inspected it before putting it on. They must be real big fans of Seventeen to be having a hoodie and sweatpants of the group.
You walk out of the kitchen to see Mrs Yang already seated at the table you were at, a bowl of steaming hot soup in front of her. She notices you and gives you a warm smile. "Sit." She simply says. "A hot bowl of soup would be good for you, to make sure that you don't fall sick."
You feel your cheeks heat up slightly in embarrassment as you awkwardly take the seat opposite her as she takes the clothes from your hands. "I'll put these in the dryer for you so that you can rewear them before you leave dear." She says and was off behind the kitchen curtain before you could even protest.
You stare at the delicious food before tentatively digging in. Through your experience with your soulmate, Chinese food was a big staple of what you tasted almost weekly so this food should give that familiar taste.
You blew on the soup before taking a sip making your eyes widen at how amazing it was, feeling yourself get almost hungrier from just that sip. You immediately dig into the food, feeling the amazing flavours hit your tongue as you began to scoop more noodles and beef slices into your spoon.
You think you finish the food in record time as Mrs Yang appears again, a proud satisfied smile on her face as she looks at the clean bowl.
"Wow!" She exclaims as you place the bowl down with a small thud. "You remind me of a boy I know, he really loves our beef noodle soup as well!"
You give her a warm smile, feeling the soup nourish and warm you up. "I can see why, it's really good." You say softly. "Please let me know how much it is later."
She shakes her head and gives you a small wave of her hand before she takes a seat opposite you. "There's no need." She says, her warm smile never fading. "We just wanted to warm you up because you were absolutely drenched by the rain. Plus, seeing the way you enjoyed eating our food is enough payment for us."
You blush a little at her words before you take in more of the restaurant, the soft accompaniment of the raindrops hitting the pavement and the soft melody of the old Mandarin song accompanying your little analysis.
Mrs Yang abruptly stands up, startling you slightly as you watch her waddle her way over to the front door. She flips the sign to 'close' making your eyes widen as you scramble to stand up. You pause when you hear her let out a really hearty laugh, turning to fix her with a face of confusion.
"Where are you running off to dear?" She asks, a teasing smile on her face as you feel your cheeks slightly warm at that. "Erm," You point towards the sign, "Aren't you closing?"
She laughs again, waving her arms as she gestures for you to sit. "The dryer hasn't finished it cycle yet." She points out. "Are you planning to leave without your clothes?"
Your eyes widen in realization, your jaw dropping slightly as your brain races for an excuse, an explanation, particularly anything at this point. However, before you could embarrass yourself even further in-front of the old lady, she speaks again.
"Plus, Mr Yang and I don't get many customers when it rains." She says softly, reaching you to push you gently back into your chair. "We used to get these four rowdy boys coming in whenever it rains but they're too busy with their music or whatever."
You smile a little at her nostalgic tone. "Do they live in the neighbourhood?" You ask making her smile larger, her eyes wrinkling with the smile crinkles as she nods. "Something like that."
You glance at the corner of the room where the digital clock was and deflate slightly. It was only 11:45pm, which meant that Chris would probably only be home in an hour or two before realizing that you aren't there and would only roughly pick you up in three hours.
"Why the face dear?" You hear Mrs Yang asking as you meet her gaze, a frown on her face. "Well…" You trail off slightly, contemplating how to put your predicament into words without embarrassing yourself even more as you glance towards your dead phone on the table.
Mrs Yang notices your glance and makes a sound of understanding. "Ah!" She exclaims making your gaze land on the older woman. "Do you need to charge your phone dear?" She asks making you hesitate slightly before nodding slowly.
She waddles over to you with her arm stretched making you tentatively put the phone into her wrinkly hands. She calls for her husband in Mandarin making the man peer his head out through the kitchen curtain with his head tilted.
She says a few words to him in Cantonese making him gives her a firm nod, an easy smile on his face before disappearing through the curtain again. In less than five minutes, he reappears with a tea pot and two tea cups that he places on your table. The smell of the tea makes you feel slightly warmer inside as you watch Mr Yang pluck the phone from his wife's hands and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek before taking your phone to the cashier counter to charge it.
You smile a little to yourself at the fond interaction as Mrs Yang takes her seat opposite you again. Mrs Yang pulls the teacups in front of the two of you before pouring the tea slowly. She places one in-front of you making you thank her quietly as you take a sip, the warm liquid filling you up as you feel warmth spread throughout your chest.
The Mandarin song changes to a slower one that has Mrs Yang humming along to it, sipping the tea with absolute delight on her face as the two of you sit in a comfortable silence. You let your eyes flit across the room once more, seeing all the different types of memorabilia dotting the walls making a small smile appear on your face.
"I really love the interior of the place." You note out simply. "Feels very much like home."
Her grin widens even more at your words as she eyes the place that she and Mr Yang built up.
"When Mr Yang and I came here thirty years ago, we felt a little homesick while looking for a job." She says, her eyes slightly glazing over as she eyes a picture behind you of a younger version of the two of them, standing in-front of the restaurant on opening day.
"After we had given up, we decided to open this restaurant instead." Her expression morphs into a wistful as she retells her story. "So when we were constructing this place, we took inspiration from our old house back in Chengdu. A few of the pieces on the walls are some of the items we brought along with us."
She points to a beautiful cyan bamboo weaved hat that was hung near the entrance of the restaurant, that looks slightly vintage but had multiple beautiful roses on them. A bunch at the side was blue, the opposite side was red while there was one giant one painted in multiple shades of purple.
"That was the first craft that Mr Yang and I made together." She says, her smile wide as she recounts the memory. Your mouth drops open slightly as you stare at the work, slightly in awe. "It's really beautiful," You say, admiring the line work of the art a little more. "I really love the roses."
If possible, her smile widens even more at your words as she nods with a slight bit of pride on her features. "Mr Yang and I spent hours hand-painting them after our wedding. He wanted the two of us to work on something together that represents the two of us."
She pulls up her long sleeves. turning her arm closer to you for you to see. You lean in closer, squinting slightly before your eyes widen in realization as you stare at the rose tattoo etched onto her arm.
The rose was almost a splitting image of the ones painted on the bamboo craft, the only difference being that it was a singular rose and the rose was split into half, one half a crimson maroon whereas the other side was a vibrant blue. You let your eyes trail along the line work of the ink, noticing that the colours diverged seamlessly together almost as if it was intentional, leaving in its trail a beautiful shade of purple.
You meet Mrs Yang's gaze, a little more starstruck as she gives you a prideful smile.
"It's beautiful." You whisper out, taking one last glance at the tattoo before leaning back against your chair. Mrs Yang stares at the tattoo for another beat before rolling her sleeves down and looking back at the bamboo craft on the wall.
"It was one of the only things we brought along with us from our house in Chengdu." Mrs Yang says, her tone full of nostalgia. "We brought a lot of other stuff as well but," She shakes her head slowly, "It's one of the only things that represent the both of us as soulmates."
You quiet down at her words, your heart clenching slightly as you digest her words. She turns to you, her expression morphing into one of curiosity. "How about you my dear?" She asks softly, her eyes glinting a little. "Do you have a soulmate?"
You feel your heart rate pick up slightly at the question, unsure of how much you wanted to share with this lady that you just met. However, upon looking at the steaming cup of tea in front of you as well as the empty bowl beside it, you realize that a little truth never hurt anyone.
"I haven't met him yet." You say softly, after swallowing your nerves and wiping your sweaty palms against the borrowed sweatpants. Her features soften at your confession as she reaches out to tug your hand into hers, giving it a firm squeeze, shocking you slightly.
"I'm sure he's out there, yearning and longing for you as well my dear." She says softly.
Her words make your mouth go try and your heart thud faster against your chest making you give her a nervous laugh. "I don't know." You say, slightly awkward as you glance towards your joint hands. "I think we're a bit too different for each other to be each others halves."
You feel Mrs Yang stiffen slightly at your words making you glance up to meet her eyes, an unreadable expression on her face as she takes you in, her eyes scanning your facial features. You feel slightly uncomfortable at her calculating gaze but as soon as you want to mention it, her expression drops to something softer as she gives your hand a squeeze again.
"Soulmates aren't meant to be similar to you dear." She says softly. "They are meant to be the one that completes your soul, fill in the gaps so that the two of you feel complete when you are together. Independently, you both will survive without each other but being together," She pauses, glancing towards the bamboo craft hanging near the door making her smile, "makes everything feel as if it was meant to be, as if it was written in the stars."
You feel your breath hitch at her words as she stares softly at you, her wistful smile never wavering as you feel your heart beat slightly harder in your chest. She pauses, as if she was waiting for your response making you swallow hard as you open your mouth to try and sputter a response together.
Before you could, Mr Yang's footsteps interrupt you and his wife making the two of you turn towards the older man who has your phone in his hand. He reaches your table in two big strides, a small smile on his face.
"Sorry to interrupt." He says, glancing towards your joint hands making your cheeks heat up slightly as you gently pull your hand away from his wife's grasps. He clears his throat before sliding your phone across the table, speaking as you pick it up to turn it on.
"You were getting a call from someone named Chris a couple of minutes ago." He says, resting a hand on his wife's shoulder as your eyes widen before glancing towards the time on your device, noticing that only an hour had passed.
You open your phone quickly to see a bunch of missed calls and text messages from your older brother as well as a few from his roommate making you let out a sigh, knowing you were going to get an earful from the older one as soon as you got home.
As if Chris could read your thoughts, your phone immediately rings, a picture of you and him appearing on the lock screen. You hesitate for a beat before sliding your thumb across the screen and putting the phone to your ear.
"Hell—"
"WHERE ARE YOU?!"
You flinch slightly at his sudden outburst, pulling the phone away from your ear as his voice booms out through the phone as if you had him on speaker. You glance in disdain at your phone as he continues his rant about safety and how he was about to lose his mind before you give Mr and Mrs Yang a sheepish smile.
"Sorry." You mumble out making Mrs Yang lets out a small laugh, waving her hand. "It's no problem dear." She says, glancing at the phone as your brothers voice continues to flow through it. "Family member?"
"Older brother." You say, a slight bit of disdain in your voice as Chris continues to rant, not knowing that you were only picking up on every fifth word of every sentence he was spouting.
You give them one more smile, gesturing for a second before standing and walking towards the door of the restaurant. You compose yourself a little before putting your phone back to your ear.
"— and I can't believe you didn't even think to bring the powerbank that I got for you for your birthday! Do those presents mean nothing to you, I swear to GOD—"
"CHRIS!" You yell into the phone, making him pause mid-rant as you inhale slowly. "I'm sorry for not picking up the phone or bringing that brick of a power bank that you got for me for my birthday." You apologize, gnawing on your bottom lip.
"I'm safe and would really love a pickup please." You say slightly softer this time. Chris was silent for a moment before a loud groan fills your ears. "I'm five minutes away Red." He says, his tone still slightly tense.
You blink at that. "What?" You say, a little taken aback by his statement. He scoffs and you imagine him rolling his eyes as he mutters something to himself.
"You forget that I have your location on my phone huh?" He says as you hear the buzzing of the car in the background, not knowing how you didn't notice it before. "I checked your location when I was in the office, realized that you weren't home so I left early to come get you after I couldn't reach you."
You felt guilt creep into your veins as you process his words and let out a small sigh, knowing how much you worried him. "I'm sorry." You say again, softly and more sincere this time. Chris lets out a sigh on the other end. "You're safe." He says, repeating your words from earlier, "I'll be there in three minutes, just wait outside for me."
The two of you hang up after you agree before you turn back to the elderly couple. Mr and Mrs Yang stand near you with your bag and another in their hands making you blink as Mr Yang passes you your bag while Mrs Yang passes you a large paper one.
You take it from her slightly tentative as you peer inside to see your clothes plus a couple of takeaway boxes making your eyes widen. You whip your head up to meet their gazes, your jaw dropped open as you try to sputter for a way to say that you didn't need this much food.
Mrs Yang halts you by raising her hand and giving you a stern look.
"Don't worry about it dear," She says, "We made too much food and from your phone call with your hyung, it seems like he might be hungry as well, so share the food with him."
"But the clothes—"
She waves you off again. "Please keep them!" She says before muttering a little lower, "Lord knows we have too many." She has a small knowing smile on her face as she glances up at her husband who laughs, sharing an inside joke from what you could tell.
"Are you two big fans of Seventeen?" You ask, not being able to help yourself as you glance between the two of them. The elderly couple let out another laugh at your confusion before Mrs Yang waves her hand. "Something like that." She says, a similar tone used when she said those same words just an hour before.
A horn outside the shop breaks the warm atmosphere making you look outside to see Chris's car. You turn back to the elderly couple.
"Thank you so much for everything." You thank making the couple give you a warm look as Mrs Yang steps forward to grab your hands into hers.
"I hope you come back soon dear." She says, her eyes glinting with sincerity as she gives your hands a squeeze. "We would love to feed you again and learn more about you."
You feel your chest warm slightly at her words before giving her a small nod as a smile crosses your face. "I will." You whisper out, giving her a small nod before she lets your hands go. You walk out of the restaurant and head to Chris's car but not before giving the elderly couple another wave.
Chris's cologne immediately fills your nose as soon as you shut the door before turning to your older brother who looked slightly more disheveled compared to when you left this morning.
Before he could open his mouth to chastise or fuss over you, you beat him to it.
"Thank you for picking me up and I'm sorry, I should listen to you next time and take the car and I will bring out the pink energy brick out with me tomorrow as well."
Chris blinks at your apology before a huff escapes him, he shakes his head and places his hands on the wheel again.
"You're so lucky that I'm more relieved than mad." He says, his tone still slightly tense with an undertone of tiredness. You give him a small smile before turning to place your bags in the backseat.
"We should come back to this restaurant sometime." You say as Chris puts the car into drive and slowly pulls away from the restaurant. "I think you would like their beef noodle soup."
You see Chris sneak a glance at you, a glint of confusion in them. "I thought you didn't like Chinese food?"
You shrug, looking out the window as the streets whizzed past. "Maybe I was too quick to judge." The double meaning in your sentence wasn't lost on you. Mrs Yang's words lingering in your thoughts as they play over and again.
Were you really too quick to dismiss this person who is meant to be your other half?
In the midst of her cleaning, Mrs Yang's eyebrows furrow as she hears the bell chime again, signaling that a customer has just arrived. She glances towards the door, her expression never changing until she spots the four that she has been feeding religiously for the last ten years.
"Aigooo." She coos out as soon as the tallest of them comes closer to her, dressed in a black hoodie with a luggage behind him. "I thought you all were only going to be back the day after tomorrow?"
Jun lets out a laugh as the elderly woman pulls him into a hug, accepting it by wrapping his arms around her tightly and giving her a shining smile. "Our schedule ended early." He cheekily says, his grin never wavering. "We were craving some food that tastes like home so we asked the driver to bring us here instead of back to our homes."
Soonyoung, Chan and Minghao stand behind him, with matching grins on their faces as Mrs Yang pulls each of them into a hug. Mr Yang, hearing the commotion steps out of the kitchen, his eyes and smile widening as he sees the four familiar boys.
"Wow!" He exclaims, bringing each of them in for a hug. "You boys look like the airport didn't even affect the four of you."
The four give him a sheepish smile before the elderly couple shoos them into the center table, eager to feed them.
"What can I get for you boys today?" Mrs Yang asks, her eyes glinting as she looks between the four boys. Soonyoung, Chan and Minghao share a teasing glance, before Chan turns to Mrs Yang.
"Mrs Yang," he singsongs out, "I hope you have your amazing beef noodle soup today!" He ends his sentence with a glance towards Jun, a smug grin on his face as the other shrinks slightly, a little flushed.
Mrs Yang glances between the two of them before turning her gaze to the tallest one.
"Did you miss our food so much that you brought the three boys along with you again?" She questions, a teasing smile on her face.
Jun flushes slightly at the accusation, lifting up both his hands to wave them as he lets out a sheepish laugh. "No no." He says, trying to defend himself through his laughs.
The other three collectively roll their eyes before Soonyoung turns to Mrs Yang, a shit-eating grin on his face. "Jun's soulmate was actually the ones who brought us here."
Mrs Yang's eyes widen as her hand flies to cover her open mouth before she turns to Jun. "Oh my gosh!" She exclaims. "You met her already?"
Jun shakes his head, scratching his nape as he fixes her with a semi lovesick grin. "She was having some Chinese food earlier." He says, his grin turning more lovesick by the second. "I tasted it when she was eating and it felt like she was enjoying it. It tasted almost like your beef noodle soup."
Mrs Yang freezes at that, but Jun doesn't notice as he keeps rambling on. "So, I thought that she was trying to tell me that maybe she was thinking about me or something." He says, the tips of his ears turning pink. "I thought maybe if I have it here, we would end up having the same dinner so that she knows that I'm thinking about her as well."
Jun locks eyes with the older lady who immediately composes herself, a small grin appearing on her face that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Well." She starts, clearing her throat as she glances at the four of them. "You've come right on time! Mr Yang just made a new batch of beef soup with amazing tender slices."
She claps her hands. "I'll bring them out for you four!"
With that, she scurries into the kitchen, her heart racing as she runs through the words that Jun has just relayed to her.
It could just be a coincidence right?
She leans against the metal counter, processing the information when her husband glances over at her. He frowns, noticing her spacey look.
"Lo-po?" He asks, the endearing name rolling off of his tongue as he steps closer to his wife, intertwining their hands together. "Are you alright?"
Mrs Yang looks up and gazes into her husbands eyes, hesitating slightly before nodding slowly.
She feigns a small smile. "I'm alright lo-gong." He analyzes her face, frowning slightly.
"Are you sure?" He asks, bringing his wife closer. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Mrs Yang nods her head as she squeezes his hands in reassurance. "I'm fine dear." She glances through the kitchen curtain, looking at the tall boy who was laughing at something his members said, his grin bigger than it had been in months.
"I just hope that fate brings the two of them together."
THE SCALLION NOODLE MEETING - Week 3 out of 16
Two weeks later, you find yourself back in front of the glowing neon sign. You didn't know how or why but you felt a pull to this place that you couldn't explain.
You had tried to keep yourself busy the past two weeks. You visited almost all the different places on your list, eating tons of delicious food that tasted vaguely familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Most of the time, you went by yourself during the non-peak hours, favouring the smaller crowds so that you could have some time to yourself and be able to document the flavour profiles correctly. Other times at night, you went with Chris who was determined to stick by your side as much as possible.
Today, however, you ended up cancelling all the restaurants on your agenda and you just unconsciously made your way here.
For two weeks, her words had been playing on repeat in your head. You found yourself thinking about the person who she meant, the person who was connected to your very soul. Somehow, you had started to yearn for him as well but you were stubborn, you wouldn't allow yourself to.
You continue to stare at the neon sign, unsure of whether you should go in when a voice interrupts your inner monologue.
"Are you going to stand there the whole day?"
You jump at the sound of the man's voice, whipping around to see a guy in a black hoodie, wearing a mask that obscures his face, the only thing visible being his eyes.
"God." You mutter out, glaring slightly at the man. "Do you normally sneak up on strangers and scare the daylights out of them?"
The man blinks at you before letting out a small laugh.
"Only when they're standing in-front of a Chinese restaurant, contemplating every single life choice they've ever made."
His sarcasm makes you roll your eyes. "Gee, thanks."
He gives you a shrug, his eyes glinting playfully. "You're welcome." If you could see under his mask, you were sure that he would be smirking at you. "So," The man says, glancing between the neon sign of the restaurant and you. "Why are you standing outside the restaurant as if you're contemplating life choices?"
You let out a huff, crossing your arms. "And why would I tell you, a complete stranger that?"
He shrugs. "Maybe you need someone to work through those life choices with."
You let out a huff, about to retort when the bell on the door rings and a bunch of different conversations flow out of the restaurant. You turn to see Mrs Yang, wide eyed as she stares at the two of you. You feel your face flush slightly, as if you've been caught red-handed but you hadn't done anything wrong.
"Why are the two of you standing outside and arguing?" She asks, apprehension in her voice making you give her a sheepish smile as the guy scratches his nape.
"We weren't arguing Mrs Yang." The man says, glancing in your direction before looking back at her. "We were just… talking."
He glances at you, hoping that you would catch on. You turn to Mrs Yang, nodding with an awkward smile on your face. "Yeah, just talking."
Mrs Yang glances between the two of you, entirely not believing a single word the two of you says but she nods anyway.
"Well, come in." She says, sternly as she opens the glass door wider, ushering the two of you in. "It's way too cold to be talking outside."
You and the man scurry into the restaurant, which was packed like sardines. "I'm sorry but it seems like we only have one table left." She says, apologetically as she gathers the menus for you and the man. "Mr Lim and his family are having a gathering today at the further side of the restaurant which means that we had to close off a certain section."
She glances between the two of you, clutching the menus in her hand. "Would the two of you be okay with sharing a table?"
You visibly freeze at the suggestion, eyes wide as you blink at the woman. She wants you to share a table with the insufferable man who made fun of you, five minutes ago? You didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the suggestion.
"I'm okay with it as long as she is." The man says, eyes locking with yours making your heart nearly bounce into your throat. You want to protest, to say anything against this suggestion but as you lock eyes with Mrs Yang again, the words die on your tongue.
You analyze her for a beat, taking in her dark rings under her eyes, how frazzled her hair looks compared to the first time you met her and felt a pit of guilt at the bottom of your stomach. You internally sigh, composing yourself and hoping that you will not kill this man with your chopsticks as you share a table with him before giving her a nod and the best smile that you can muster.
"Sure." You breathe out, glancing at the man again with a few daggers in your eyes as you give him a sickly sweet smile. "Let's share a table."
That's how you find yourself in a secluded corner of the restaurant, awkwardly sitting across the man, a menu in hand as you try your hardest to not accidentally kick the stranger in his legs. When you came the first time, you didn't notice how small the table was until this lanky man sits across from you.
You drag your eyes down the menu, contemplating what to order as you try to ignore the burning sensation at the left side of your head. The stranger had been staring at you since Mrs Yang had shown both of you the table before leaving, slightly frazzled as she went to attend to the Lim's gathering.
When you couldn't take it anymore, you let your eyes whip towards the stranger who jumps slightly as you abruptly lock eyes with him, a fiery intensity in them. "Why are you staring at me?" You hiss out making the stranger blink as he leans back against his chair.
"Trying to see if you made your decision yet." He says, fiddling with his mask. "It's going to be rush hour soon so we would have to wait a lot longer if you haven't."
You feel your eye twitch slightly at the admission. "Well, I'm sorry." You mutter out, eyes turning back to the menu, "it's only my second time here so I'm a little unsure of what to get."
You feel the man tug your menu down from your face, making you lock eyes with him again. "Want a suggestion?" He offers, making your eyes flit from one of his to the other, trying to gauge if he was joking. When it's clear that he isn't, you sigh, a little tired from the interaction before nodding.
"Sure." You say, placing the menu on the table and crossing your arms. "What could go wrong?"
A lot actually.
You find yourself thinking as Mrs Yang places a bowl of fried chicken in front of you seasoned with more red peppers than you have ever seen in your life. You feel your hands start to clam up and become sweaty as you inhale the spices through your nose.
"Dear." Mrs Yang tentatively says, seeing your face. "Is everything alright?"
You try to compose yourself as you wipe your hands on your jeans before locking eyes with her and giving her a weak smile.
"Yeah," You mumble out as you quick glance at the food again, "I'm alright."
If Mrs Yang weren't convinced, she doesn't say anything and just leaves you to stare at your food as your tablemate analyzes your reaction.
"You look like you've seen a ghost." He bluntly states making you whip your head up to lock eyes with him.
"The food looks spicy."
"I would hope so, it's spicy chicken."
You frown at that and stare at the amount of peppers on your food again, wondering if you could will them to disappear the longer you stare at them.
"You can't handle spice." He states, the cogs in his brain turning as he watches you gnaw on your bottom lip, looking at the food apprehensively. "You should've told me that you can't handle spice."
"Well, I didn't expect to be accosted by your recommendation." You bite back, giving him a small glare even though you know it's not his fault. The stranger however, doesn't take it to heart as his eye lines crinkle at your words, a sign that he's smiling under his mask.
"Are you too scared to try it?"
You frown at his words, feeling your eye twitch as he eggs you on, his eyes glinting with mischief.
"It's hard to take you seriously when you're still wearing your mask." You say, hoping to change the topic as you cross your arms. "Why are you even wearing that anyway? Are you a celebrity or something."
He hums at your question before tugging his hood downwards, covering a little bit more of his forehead. "Something like that." He says making you stare at him, quizzically.
"What does that even mean?"
He sighs before locking eyes with you. "How about we make a deal."
You squint at him. "You're just trying to change the topic."
"You did that too a moment ago."
He got you there.
You sigh, unfolding your arms as you lean against the table. "I'm listening."
"I'll order us something different and pay for our meal if you promise to not tell anyone that you saw me here."
You raise an eyebrow at that. "What's stopping me from ordering what I want anyway and letting you starve because you refuse to take off your mask?"
He's silent for a beat as he blinks at you.
"You have a point."
You resist the urge to roll your eyes at the stranger, who leans back in his chair.
"But," He starts, crossing his arms, "I think you're smart enough to not pass up a free meal."
You contemplate his words for a second. You know he's egging you on, he's done nothing but be playful and egg you on since the moment he scared you outside the restaurant. By right, you should refuse, let the insufferable stranger suffer while you eat the Yangs' tasty food in front of him.
Which is why, it surprises you and him when the words that follow after was, "Fine, I'll bite."
His eye lines crinkle again before he waves Mrs Yang over and says something to her in Chinese. The elderly lady looks between the two of you, an unreadable glint in her eyes before she nods at the lanky stranger and takes the two plates of spicy chicken away.
"You speak Chinese?" You can't help but ask, making him nod.
"I'm Chinese." He says simply reaching to the side to get the jug of water that Mrs Yang brought earlier.
"Oh." You mutter out, feeling slightly embarrassed as he pours the water into your empty glasses. "I couldn't tell."
He waves you off. "It's alright, you can't really see my face and I gave you no indication whatsoever so," he shrugs, "it's not a big deal."
You feel slightly better, relaxing a little as you watch him tug his hood down again.
He cautiously looks around making a frown appear on your face. "You don't have to tell me who you are if you're uncomfortable by the way." You say making the stranger lock eyes with you as you feel a small pit in your stomach at the way his eyes keep glancing around. "I could always request for another table if you're uncomfortable."
He hesitates for a second before shaking his head. "No, a deal is a deal."
You open your mouth to retort but he moves before you can, looking downwards before bringing his fingers to his ears and plucking off the mask as if it was second nature.
When he looks up, your eyes widen as you immediately register who he was.
"You're Jun from Seventeen." You state, looking at his features as he gives you a sheepish smile.
"Surprise?" He mutters, a weak laugh escaping his lips. You stare at him for a little longer, watching his confident facade shatter slowly as he looks at you with a little more apprehension after he realizes that you knew who he was.
"It all makes sense now." You say as everything clicks in your head.
The man in-front of you frowns in confusion. "What?"
"I came here two weeks ago, drenched in the rain and Mrs Yang gave me a hoodie and sweatpants from your group to change into." You say, as your eyes flit around his face, taking in his features. "I thought they were big fans of your group but you probably gave it to them."
He stares at you for a minute. "Are you a detective or something?"
You let out a snort, as you try to keep your growing smile off of your face. "I'm just observant."
"A little too observant."
"Well, sue me then."
You roll your eyes as Jun gives you a mischievous grin.
Mrs Yang appears at the corner of your eye making you turn towards the elderly lady as she places two new bowls in-front of you two. She eyes the two of you, noticing the lack of Jun's mask before a knowing smile creeps onto her face.
Your eyebrow raises at her expression but before you can ask, she bids the two of you a good meal before rushing back to the Lim gathering.
You look down at the bowl, noticing the lack of any red peppers or flakes making you smile as you notice the bowl only had what looks like tossed noodles with a sauce, topped off with spring onions and a fried egg. The smell of the spring onions floods your nose making your mouth water slightly.
"Scallion oil noodles." Jun says as he passes you a chopstick from the side box. "Mr Yang cooks them really authentically, it's one of my favourite dishes from here."
"And here I was thinking that you like to put your own taste buds through hell for fun." You mutter out making Jun roll his eyes. You use your chopsticks to place the food into your mouth as you take tentative bites.
The immediate flavour explosion in your mouth makes your eyes widen as you taste every single ingredient on your taste buds. You stare at the noodles, a little shell shock before you shove a few more bites into your mouth.
You can't fathom how you've never eaten anything like this in your few years of being a food journalist. You've definitely tasted this flavour profile before, no doubt from your soulmate but eating it and tasting it is definitely two different things
Jun who has also eaten the noodles, gives you a smile as he chews, watching as you happily slurp up the noodles, satisfaction written all over his face.
"So," He starts, taking a sip of his water, "Since you know who I am, I think it's only fair that I know your name right?"
You give him a side-glance, in between your bites before your eyes narrow slightly as you swallow your food. "I think there's a certain irony to your statement with you being a very famous idol."
Jun gives you a small pout. "C'mon." He says, the pout deepening. "I'm already paying for your meal, the least you could do is give me your name."
You want to retort that the meal was the expense of keeping his secret but as you watch his pout deepen a little more, you internally curse before giving him your name.
He repeats your name with ease as you feel your heart skip a beat upon him pronouncing your name. You furrow your eyebrows at the pinch in your chest before shrugging it off as just a weird prickle, maybe from the amount of oil in the noodles.
"Do you like the noodles?" Jun asks, gesturing to your bowl that is already half empty.
You nod, taking a few more bites of the springy noodles, humming contently. "I don't really like Chinese food but this is really good."
The idol freezes at your words, his chopsticks halfway to his mouth as he looks at you, his eyes wide, noodles forgotten. "You don't like Chinese food?" He asks, a little baffled as he just continues to stare at you as if you just said something really incriminating.
You shrug, swallowing the noodles before taking a sip of your water. "Just had some bad experiences with Chinese food." All because of your soulmate but you left that part out, not wanting to divulge in that with a complete stranger, even if he was famous and known for being kind-hearted and a good person.
Jun eyes you for another second, a gentle curiosity swirling in his eyes. "Then why did you come here? They only serve Chinese food here."
You hesitate a little at his question. You knew it was coming but you couldn't tell the idol that you came here because of an unexplainable pull, you would sound a little strange and kind of crazy. So, you settle for half of the truth.
"I wanted to come back and repay Mr and Mrs Yang for their kindness. I was going to actually pay them the money for the meal that they gave me last week."
Jun fixes you with a look of amusement and a slight smirk before shaking his head.
"You clearly haven't seen Mrs Yang's stubborn side if you think you can just repay her back."
You frown at his statement. "What makes you think she won't accept the money?"
Jun fixes you a look as his eyebrows raise. "Did you offer her money two weeks ago after she fed you?"
"Yeah but—"
"Did she accept the payment or did she fix you with one of her motherly stares that got you to shut up?"
Your silence answers him, making him laugh as he shakes his head. "Trust me." He says, using his chopsticks to cut the fried egg into smaller pieces. "Pigs will fly before she accepts your money."
You roll your eyes at his words, a small smile on your lips as you shake your head before continuing to eat your food. The two of you eat in silence, occasionally making small talk about the food as Jun shares with you a few small anecdotes about how Mrs Yang and her husband was a few years ago. The stories make you laugh as he recounts them with an exaggerated passion, his hands moving around animatedly here and there.
"So what do you do?" He asks, polishing off his food as he grabs a tissue paper from the container at the side. "Other than stand outside Chinese restaurants and contemplate your life decisions."
You scoff before taking a sip of your water to cleanse your palette. "I'm a food journalist."
His eyes widen. "Wow! That's really cool!"
Your brows furrow. "Says the guy who is apart of one of the biggest boygroups on the planet." You say, animatedly moving your arms. "Plus, aren't you also an actor?"
He chuckles, shaking his head. "I mean it, you must be a really good food journalist if you got sent here for an assignment."
Your eyebrows furrow even more as you stare at the man, shock running through your veins. "What? How did you know that?"
He gestures to your handbag. "You still have the tag from the airport hanging off the third zipper."
You turn and internally curse as you see the white string and tag from the airport. You feel your cheeks heat up as you rush to rip it off, crumple it and place it into your bag to try to save yourself from a little embarrassment. You clear your throat before looking back at the idol who was trying very hard not to laugh, even with his hand over his mouth.
You send him a narrow glare (or at least try to) as you point at him. "Don't laugh."
"I'm not! You can't even see my mouth!"
"Your eye lines tell me otherwise!"
That makes the idol crack up, his eye lines crinkling more which makes you freeze, realizing just how pretty he is.
You weren't blind by any means, the minute he took off his mask, you could tell that he was good-looking even without the full-face of makeup. With your brother in the industry, you had watched every MAMAs award show that he had been apart of and with Seventeen up there as one of the bigger boy groups, you've definitely thought that they were good-looking, especially Jun who always looked like he belonged on the stage.
The idol finally calms down, his smile not leaving his face as you shake yourself out of your thoughts. "So, what's your assignment about?"
You freeze at the question, gnawing lightly on your lip as you give him a once over, wondering if you should be honest or not. He notices the look on your face, his eyes softening. "If it's too personal, you don't need to tell me." He says, his voice reassuring as he gives you a soft smile. "I just think it's really cool that you get to travel and just eat food, I think one of my bandmates would kill to do that."
You feel a small smile creep onto your lips as you relax slightly, hearing the awe in his words. "Let me guess, DK?"
He laughs, nodding. "Or maybe Hoshi." He says, leaning his elbows on the table, his posture relaxing as he realizes that you were more comfortable now as you let out a laugh.
"Sounds like him."
His smile widens "So, I assume you're somewhat familiar with my group then, if you're able to make associations like that."
You feel a bit of warmth on your cheeks as you clear your throat. "Well, my brother's involved in the industry as well, so after a while, you kind of have to know who is who after watching all the different concerts and award shows."
His head tilts at that, a look of curiosity flashing across his face. "Oh!" He says with a slight understanding, "Is your brother an idol too?"
You nod, a small sense of pride settling in your chest as you pick up your phone before turning it to face him, a picture of you and Chris as your lock screen.
His eyes widen in realization. "You're Bang Chan's sister?" He asks, gawking a little as you nod.
"Wow, I've only ever heard about your younger sister, Hannah." He says, his smile widening a little more. "What a small world, Vernon, Mingyu and Minghao always talk about how cool your brother is."
You smile a little more, thinking about your brother who was probably working his ass off in the studio right now and having the best time. "Yeah, he's the coolest."
His smile widens, grabbing the water jug to refill his empty cup, leaving you with your thoughts. You think back to his previous question, wondering if you should answer it or not. Jun has been nothing but honest with you since the start of your meal, even honouring his side of the deal even if he didn't need to. You would've stuck by your words if he had decided to not shown you and asked Mrs Yang for another table instead.
Your mouth made the decision for you before you could even comprehend it.
"I'm doing a soulmark assignment."
Jun freezes mid-pour as he turns to you, his eyes wide. "Oh, that's pretty cool." He says, nodding slightly. "Have you already met him?"
You shake your head, using your chopsticks to move your food around, letting it sop up the scallion oil. "The assignment was about to write about the places that we think our soulmate has been to based on the soulmark we're given."
His eyebrows furrow. "That's pretty vague."
You let out a snort. "You're telling me."
"Is the goal for you to find them at the end of it?"
You shrug. "All I know is that I'm here for four months, a tight schedule for sure to figure out which restaurant means the most to my soulmate." You say, the tone of your voice turning slightly bitter towards the end as you say 'soulmate'.
Jun notices, fixing you with a small curious grin. "I take it you're not the biggest fan of your soulmate?"
You slouch slightly, letting out a sigh. "Let's just say that our flavour preferences make us very very different people."
"You have something against his food preferences?"
"I have something against the fact that he's trying to kill my tastebuds in the process."
"Is he the reason why you have a grudge against Chinese food?"
You lift up your hand in mock defense. "Hey, I don't have a grudge against Chinese food." You point out, making Jun's expression morph into one of amusement. "I just have a grudge against my soulmate who puts chili oil on almost everything, as if the food needs that extra bit of spice."
Jun lets out a laugh before shrugging. "Can't say I fault him for it, chili oil is definitely one of the best things ever."
You snort, placing your last bit of noodles into your mouth, chewing then swallowing as you polish off your food. "I'm sure the two of you would get along great." You sarcastically remark making Jun laugh again.
"So, what are you a fan of?"
You ponder for a moment. "I'm a big fan of sweet stuff like cake, ice-cream, macaroons. Oh! Affogato as well." You watch Jun make a face as a shudder goes through his body making you raise an eyebrow at the man. "Not the biggest fan of sweet stuff?"
Jun immediately shakes his head. "Can't say that I am. Sugar makes me feel really ill sometimes, especially if there's too much of it. My soulmate is the biggest cake fan though, she really loves eating it."
You smile at that. "Sounds like we would get along great as well."
Jun laughs, smiling at the implication of the two of you meeting each others' soulmate when his phone rings. He glances at it before his face pales and his eyes widen.
"Shit." He mutters, staring at his phone for another beat before wiping his mouth quickly and slipping his mask on in record speed. The actions make you jolt as you blink at the idol who was moving at the speed of light, shoving his wallet and phone into his pockets.
"What?" You ask, finding your voice as he reverts himself to his pre-meal mode. He looks at you, his eyes softening a little from the panic that was in them moments ago as he pulls down his mask.
"I forgot I have practice in half an hour, so I need to get going now." A small frown appears on his face as he finishes his sentence, looking a little crestfallen that your time together was coming to an end. You blink at him, before glancing at the time, your eyes widening as well as you realize that you and Jun had been eating and talking for almost two hours.
"That makes two of us then." You say, a laugh bubbling in your throat as you pack up your stuff. "I forgot that I got an interview with the owner of a restaurant for my assignment in half an hour as well."
Jun lets out a laugh at the realization as he stands, towering over you slightly as he fixes you with a cheery smile. "Guess we aren't so different after all."
You roll your eyes as he pulls his mask back up before gesturing for you to move first. "After you."
You give him a polite 'thank you' before the two of you head to the front counter where the cash register was. Mrs Yang's eyes flit between the two of you, the same knowing smile on her face.
"How was the food my dears?" Jun's eye lines crinkle again. "Amazing as always Mrs Yang." He says before gesturing to you. "I think our food journalist will definitely be putting it in her article."
You let out a small scoff, giving him a quick side-eye before looking at Mrs Yang, your expression changing to one of adoration. "The food was lovely Mrs Yang. Please help me thank Mr Yang for the food as well."
She waves you off, a wide smile on her face despite how tired she looked from the chaos of the rush hour. "It was our pleasure to feed you." Her eyes flit between the two of you again. "Both of you."
You think back to your words to Jun a while ago and take out your purse from the depths of your handbag. "Before I forget, please take this Mrs Yang." You say, producing a few bills. The older woman fixes you with a stern look as she shakes her head.
"Dear, I already insisted the last time that you don't need to pay me." You open your mouth to protest but she holds up her hand again, her eyes narrowing slightly as her
Your mouth snaps shut at that as you slowly put the bills back into your wallet making Mrs Yang's stern expression instantly drop, replacing it with a prideful one, knowing that she has successfully won the argument again.
Mrs Yang - 2, You - 0
You glance at Jun who fixes you with a look, his eyes glinting as if to tell you 'I told you so' making you roll your eyes as Jun passes a few bills to Mrs Yang, paying for your meal and his. Mrs Yang hands him the receipt before reaching to the counter behind her and taking the plastic bag that was seated on it.
"Before I forget," She starts, giving the big white plastic bag to Jun, "I packed a few things for you and the boys to enjoy."
Jun's eyes widen as he takes the bag from her with zero protest, almost as if Mrs Yang trained him to just accept everything she gives to him — which she probably did, considering how long they've known each other.
"Thank you so much!" Jun says as he peers into the bag, his eyes flitting from one box to another. "You really didn't have to."
Mrs Yang waves him off. "Nonsense." She states. "If I don't feed you guys, God knows that you all will starve by how much dancing you all do."
Her comments make you let out a laugh which you try to cover up as a cough as Jun gives you a side-glance. He looks back at her, his eyes softening more. "Thank you."
She gives him a smile of adoration before turning to the back counter once more and producing a smaller white plastic bag which she holds out for you. Your eyes widen, about to protest again but falter as soon as you see the expression on her face.
You sheepishly take the bag from her, peering inside to see a few food containers filled with some scallion oil noodles, a few servings of spring rolls, a meat dish as well as a box of stir-fried vegetables.
"For you and your brother."
Your heart squeezes at her words, feeling warmth spread through your chest as you try to swallow your emotions. You look up, giving her a soft smile. "Thank you so much."
She mirrors your smile. "It's no problem at all my dear, I hope we see you again soon."
You nod, your grin growing wider. "I'll bring my brother with me next time." You reassure her. "He was raving about how good the beef noodles were, made a lot of his friends jealous."
She laughs as you recount the video Jeong-In had sent to you when your brother brought Mrs Yang's beef noodles to work and was just making a show out of it in-front of his members. They looked like they were seconds away from chasing your brother down the hallways of JYP if he made a single new sound and talked about how good it was and that he wasn't sharing.
"I guess I'll see the two of you soon then." Mrs Yang says as she walks to open the door for the two of you. "I hope you two enjoyed each others companies."
You and Jun glance at each other before you turn back to Mrs Yang. "It was definitely an experience."
Jun narrows his eyes at your words. "But I was an angel."
You scoff. "And I'm a multi-billionaire." You say, the sarcasm just rolling off your tongue making Jun shake his head and walk through the door.
The two of you bid Mrs Yang goodbye once more before she closes the restaurant door behind her. You turn to Jun, a little awkwardly as you shuffle your handbag onto your shoulder.
"Well, it was nice meeting you." You say, giving him a smile. "I hope you don't sneak up on me the next time we cross paths again."
Jun laughs, shaking his head a little before locking eyes with you and giving you a wink. "It'll only happen if you contemplate life outside a Chinese restaurant again."
You roll your eyes, not bothering to keep your smile off your face this time as you give him a wave before making your way to the right of the restaurant. You scroll to your itinerary when Jun calls out your name, making you turn to face him.
Your eyebrow raises as he looks at you, blinking as if he didn't realize that he called out your name, until it rolled off of his tongue. Before you could question further, Jun jogs over to you and hands you his phone. You take it before your eyes widen at the 'new contact' page staring right at you.
You blink before looking up at him, your eyes still wide as saucers as you fix him with a look of confusion. "What?" You ask as you stare at him, completely dumbfounded by his actions.
He shrugs, using his free hand to scratch the back of his neck. "I had a lot of fun talking to you today and," he hesitates slightly, "I want to try to change your mind about Chinese food before you meet your soulmate."
You narrow your eyes at him. "What's the catch?"
His eyes widen as he lifts both arms in surrender, the big plastic bag rustling as he does so. "No strings attached, I promise." He says, absolute assurance in his voice. "I just know what it's like to be on the receiving end of the taste mark and my soulmate has been quite pleasant with their food preferences so…" He shrugs. "Let me at least try to convince you that your soulmate isn't all that bad."
You blink at him again, slowly digesting his words before looking down to peer at the cursor, pulsing as it awaits an input.
"You don't need to!" Jun suddenly exclaims, his free hand starting to wave animatedly as he starts to ramble. "I just thought that I should introduce you to better Chinese foods that will give you a better impression of the person before you meet them and brush them off completely. I mean, as someone with a taste mark as well, I also know that food sometimes doesn't taste as it seems and—"
You interrupt him, mid-ramble by grabbing his free hand and placing his phone back into it. Jun blinks before looking at his phone to see that you sent a message to yourself after inputting your contact into it.
He turns back to you as you give him a small smile. "I'm in if it's more free food."
He blinks before huffing out a laugh, shaking his head. "Don't think that was part of the deal." He ends the sentence with a teasing chastise tone of your name making you shrug.
"Too bad, it was." You cheekily reply before adding. "Also call me Red."
Jun tilts his head to the side. "Red?" He repeats, the word rolling nicely off of his tongue. "Why Red?"
"I'll tell you when we meet the next time but, I figure it easier to call me that than my actual name, lesser syllables."
Jun eye lines crinkle, a sigh that he's smiling under his mask before nodding. He glances towards his phone before taking a few steps backwards. "I guess I'll see you soon Red."
You nod, flashing him a smile. "See you soon Jun."
I LOVE MRS YANG SO MUCHHHHHHH OMGGG I NEED TO HUG HER!!!! Also change the genre of this fic to idiots in love because these two crackheads.... HOW DO YOU MISS OUT SOMETHING THAT'S IN FRONT OF YOU (i guess that's what makes it realistic) BUT I AIN'T SHUTTING UP HOW PERFECT THIS IS!!!! THE BANTER THE SASS THE TEASINGGGGGGG???? giggling and kicking my feet up in the air as I type this,,,I've broken in to so many giggles while reading this!!!!!
pairing: xu minghao x f!reader
rating: R | minors do not interact! 18+ ONLY
warnings: best friends/coworkers to lovers, whole lot of yearning, angst, minghao is a stupid man, yn has moments of insecurity regarding her being plus size, SMUT: fingering, oral (f and m receiving), p in v protected sex, missionary, ankle kissing, thigh biting, slight hair pulling. doyoung makes a return appearance as a bartender, small bit of donghyuck x reader.
wc: 15.2k
synopsis: loosely based in part on a storyline that happens to Penelope Garcia in season 3 of Criminal Minds: Technical Analyst LN YN and FBI Agent Xu Minghao are known in the BAU as a dynamic duo. A duo full of reportable comments, inappropriate nicknames and so much warmth. Anyone with eyes can see that YN is in love with Minghao and it's likely that he's in love with her too. What happens when tensions finally bubble over? When someone else is introduced to the story?
*this fic is a part of the blockbusters collab hosted by @nerdycheol, @belovedgyu and @jakedustry | support the other authors of the collab here
listen while reading
It's another day in Virginia. The winter this year is biting and you're too happy to scurry inside the BAU office to keep yourself from freezing. Chan, the security guard who always had a smile on his face, wishes you a good morning as you flash your badge at him. As you're waiting for the elevator up to your office, you reminisce about your beginnings at the BAU. Once the hunted, you had been working as a hacker under an alias that eluded this very department years ago. You were untouchable, called the best for a reason. It wasn't until you had a falling out with a network partner that you were in the claws of the department you'd been playing tag with. You remember it clear as day; the flashing red and blues lighting up the walls of your apartment, the cold chill of the interrogation room, and him.
[flashback]
The only sound that could be heard in your apartment was the furious typing coming from your keyboard. The code you had meticulously been working on for the last month all of a sudden wasn't running properly.
"C'mon you rat bastard, where are you hiding," you mutter out. You chewed on your bottom lip, dedicated to find the one piece of syntax ruining what was bound to be a big payout for you.
A month ago, you'd been tagged to do another hit on some confidential FBI files. The network you worked for was made aware by an informant that there were case files being built against the network. Being the resident hacker within the network meant that this task was immediately handed to you. This wasn't your first go at hacking the Federal Bureau of Investigations and you certainly didn't think it was going to be your last. You loved playing tag with the CyberSec department in the Quantico office. Imagining the look of shock when the analysts in their cushy lil offices realize that files were corrupted or missing. For a bunch of highly paid, well-resourced government officials, jobs that involved the FBI felt like taking candy from a baby.
Your search continued, scouring through what felt like endless lines of code, until your phone rang. Taking a look at the Caller ID, a chill ran through your body.
It's an unlisted number. To the ordinary person, it would look like an unknown caller. But not to you. No, you knew this number by heart. You gingerly pressed the answer button.
"YN, a pleasure."
You found it weird that he was using your actual name given everyone in the network typically used an alias. You figured he was in a secure enough location, so you didn't pursue this line of thought any further.
"Jackson. What can I do for you? I'm working right now." Every ounce of you fought to keep your words unwavered. A small chuckle came from the other end of the line.
"Just wanted to check in. Make sure you're holding up your end of the bargain." This caught you off guard.
Jackson was a higher up in your network, always the one doling out your assignments, but never one to double check your work. You'd proven yourself to be irreplaceable in the last three years of working for the Caissa. Why was he asking about this now?
"In the three years I've been doing your work, when have you ever known me to not hold up my end of the deal?" You questioned, a slight edge in your voice.
Even with your "boss" on the line, there was a deadline to meet and your code was still not running properly. Your hand moved to press a button on your phone and you placed Jackson on speakerphone. As the search for the bug resumed, you explained to Jackson that what he wanted should be finished within the next two hours.
"Remind me again, what is it I'm paying you for?" In hindsight, this question should have been ringing the loudest bells in your head. Jackson had the tendency to be aloof and a bit forgetful given he worked with multiple people, but not ever to this degree. But the damn bug making your code not work took up all of your attention.
"What are you talking about Jackson, did you seriously forget that you tasked me to wipe the case files being built against the Caissa? What, did you forget to take your pills today old man?" Another laugh came. It's uneasy but of course you were too wrapped up in fixing the code to notice the difference.
"Jeez Rook, I'm just testing you."
"I think I've outgrown that nickname, don't you Jackson? Was this really all you called me for?" You were getting annoyed now. There was a crunch for this code to be finished and here was your boss actively wasting your time. Again in hindsight this should have tipped you off. There's a bit of noise from the other end of the line before Jackson responds.
"YN?"
"What is it, Jackson?"
"The Grandmaster sends his regards." The mention of the kingpin of your network made your back straighten. Before you could ask what the hell Jackson meant, the line died. Your monitor went next. There wasn't enough time for you to make sense of anything before you heard the sirens surrounding your apartment and your front door being busted open. Everything after this point happened in slow motion, you moved like molasses. Only a few things in your vision were in focus: the reds and blues of cop car lights shining on the poster covered walls of your apartment, the condensation ring from the iced coffee you'd been nursing, a trinket of your favorite animal shattered from the impact of your front door.
You didn't resist any of the officers taking you into their custody. Your mind was otherwise preoccupied. The second your door was cracked down, the puzzle pieces connected: Jackson and the network had cut you loose and turned you in. Racking your brain for any possible reason why, you come up with the conclusion that the feds were getting too close and they cut the newest recruit on the team.
Last one in, first one out.
The interrogation room was bone-chilling and reeked of the worst kind of drip coffee. Agent after agent came in, but your mind couldn't focus. Every time they talked to you it sounded like Charlie Brown's parents were speaking to you. Your entire world had come crashing down. The network that had protected you for so long, had all of a sudden delivered you right to the FBI's front door, the team that had spent the better part of a year trying to track you down.
The door to the interrogation room opened again and you were about to tell the next agent that they were going to waste their time because you weren't going to spill a word. But when you lifted your head, you see him and the air shifts. You feel the static neurons become charged with something you can't quite place.
[end of flashback]
Speak of the devil.
The ding of the elevator doors snaps you out of your recollection and there stands Xu Minghao. The guy, who for a lack of a better explanation, is your knight in shining armor. Minghao was the one that broke through your walls that day in the interrogation room. The one that turned you from hunted to hunter. Every other agent they'd sent in to question you weren't able to hammer away at the walls you'd built, but he did. He walked in, the definition of nonchalance and arrogance. Taking your walls apart brick by brick like it was nothing with cologne that enveloped the whole room and would linger. The same one currently wafting in your nose as he's waving you into the elevator.
"Good morning babygirl," he says, pearly-white teeth shining right into your heart. It has been five years since the day Minghao cut you a deal and your partnership with him and the FBI had started. Five years since he gave you a chance to turn your life around and not rot in prison. Five years since he started calling you that nickname. The nickname that never failed to dust a deep shade of pink across your cheeks.
"Morning, White Rabbit," you chirp out, adding the delicious milk candy to the list of nicknames you have for the profiler. This was your banter, everyone in the office knew it. Everyone in the office was also sick of it. A prime example comes in the form of Dr. Jeon Wonwoo, resident know-it-all. He constantly commented on your relationship; labeling it grossly inappropriate for the office and requesting that it be taken outside of work. Both of your responses to him matching as you stick your tongue out, blowing raspberries at him.
"What's on your mind pretty?" Minghao questions. You wave him off, telling him that you'd been thinking about the day that you first met.
"Was it love at first sight?" He teases. You give him a slight push and tell him to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. The ride up to the office is silent, but it's comfortable. The kind of comfortable you can only get when you've built a relationship with someone. The elevator doors whoosh open signaling that your moment of peace is over and it was time to get to work. You start the short trek to your "cave of darkness", as the rest of the team calls it, but Minghao catches your wrist before you even make it another step.
"Here," he places a coffee cup in your hand, "Honey vanilla latte for the sweetest honey in my life."
There it is again. The blood rushes to your cheeks, covering it with a rosy haze. Minghao is still holding onto your wrist and you're painfully aware of everything happening right now. But you let yourself get lost in the feeling for a bit. Fantasizing that this is more than the usual nice banter between the two of you. That he got you a latte because he was thinking about you at the cafe you both frequent. That he knows your order because he learned it the first time the both of you had been to said cafe and not because you'd made him order it for you a billion times.
Wonwoo, who had been behind the both of you in the elevator, clears his throat to get through and the facade breaks. Minghao gives you a wink, then moves back to let him step between the two of you. Raising the warm coffee cup towards him, you bid Wonwoo goodbye and the two of you make your way down to your office. As you come down the hallway one of the other analysts, Maeve, falls in step with you. Her strong gourmand scent hits you before her greeting does. The three of you talk about recent case loads and what you had been up to the past weekend. She casually jokes that the intense amount of snow should be keeping the streets crime free, but the files coming across the desks say otherwise. Synced laughs of agreement come from you and him. Minghao replies that there isn't enough coffee in the world. Without any real thought, you say,
"Thank God for Minghao. I don't know what I'd do if he didn't get me this coffee." She coos at you, agreeing that it was really nice of him do so, but then she makes a comment that stutters your thoughts.
"God I wish I had a boyfriend that worked with me so I could get personally delivered coffee. You two are so cute together."
"Oh, no-" You begin to stop her.
"It's not like that." You pretend the emphasis Minghao places on the last word doesn't sting.
"We're not-"
The two of you stumble over each other to tell your coworker that you aren't dating. When she hears this, there's a look of surprise on her face, but she doesn't say anything else. She's too busy watching the two of you staring at each other, trying to find the hidden conversation in raised brows. You'd never been more thankful in your life to be right in front of your office door. Minghao quietly excuses himself and walks towards the bullpen. While your coworker chats you up, you're still staring at the back of Minghao, noticing how he rubbed the back of his neck as he walked away from the two of you.
"Helloooo? Earth to YN!" Your focus shifts to her hand waving in front of your face. Apologizing to her, you ask her to repeat herself. She talks about needing help on figuring out how to run a code to aggregate the encrypted files your team has been getting with the caseload. You relax, this is an easy task, you could write code in your sleep, this was something that won't distract you. Asking her for more metrics, your eyes light up at the chance to talk about coding — the only thing that has kept you alive all these years. As you're going over proper formatting syntax, she makes a silly joke that for some reason really just hit you, so you find yourself doubled over in laughter.
What you don't notice is that your coworker makes sudden eye contact with Minghao, who perks up and whips his head towards your direction at the sound of your laughter. You couldn't see it, but his gaze brims with adoration. The mere sound of your laugh, infectious, getting the corners of his lips to tug up. Maeve gives Minghao a questioning smirk, he then stutters and forces himself back into the conversation with Wonwoo. She continues your conversation by asking how to run newly written code without ruining encrypted files.
You lift yourself back up and continue your explanation of performing test runs on old files to Maeve. As you do so, you feel the air change and something in you tells your brain to look beyond Maeve. Cocking your head to the side, you see that Minghao has Wonwoo in a headlock. You try to hide your smile, but fail as Maeve traces your sight line. She shakes her head and jokes that it's really hard to believe that the two of you aren't together, with the way you steal glances like lovesick puppies. Suddenly, Minghao looks up and you immediately move your head back to its original position, not wanting him to catch you staring. Maeve watches this exchange with the biggest smirk on her face. Thanking you for the advice on writing code, she walks away to her office muttering something that you couldn't make out.
As you settle into your office, a sigh pushes through your entire body. Minghao's comment and gesture sticks with you for the rest of the day, the drink actually making it all the way home with you. Spending what others would diagnose as an "unhealthy" amount of time staring at the coffee cup, trying to will the fantasy in your head to life. So many things are swimming around in your mind right now. As you get lost in writing code, Minghao's question of love at first sight is ringing in your ears. You were telling the truth, you found him incredibly annoying at first. Your first month he did nothing but gloat that he was the one to bring you in; that if it wasn't for him there wouldn't be progress on the Caissa file. But something changed in the years of you working together and you're left remembering when exactly it was that he completely broke your heart open for him.
[flashback]
It's your first winter in Virginia. Adjusting to the non-criminal life has been easier than you expected. Who knew you could breathe easier when not working for the digital underworld and not having to look over your shoulder all the time. Regular civilian life wasn't something you steadily had access to in your formative years and you're finding yourself mourning that younger version of you.
Idyllic. Not hard. A version of you that didn't have to put up walls yet.
A particularly nasty case made its way to the top of your team's list, leaving you all to work past normal hours. You'd moved out of your office into the bullpen to make sharing information easier. The office is fairly silent, the only symphony playing is the shuffle of papers and the scuffle of your team walking around. You'd been knee deep in assembling a list of victim profiles to help look for the unsub's MO. You fired off a couple lines of code that you think will help you narrow something down, only to be hit with a big red flashing "ERROR". You slam your laptop down and exhale in frustration, the sound of it drawing everyone's eyes on you. You feel his eyes before you could see them. Flashing everyone a quick smile of apology, you excuse yourself to take a lap around and get a breather.
You stop by your office to grab your water bottle and on your way out you see Minghao. He smirks when he makes eye contact and you immediately brace yourself for whatever smart ass comment he had waiting for you.
"Taking a break already? Wouldn't have pegged you as the quitting type," he jokes. You mockingly laugh back and roll your eyes. The two of you were a duo that no one ever expected. You'd find this out much later, but there were bets going around the office for how long Minghao would last before you ripped his head off. You and Minghao got the last laugh as the two of you gelled together after you dished his smugness back to him. Fairly soon after, you became the insufferable duo that everyone was familiar with.
The two of you finish a lap around the office in complete sync, quietly returning to the makeshift workstation that was set up in the bullpen. You stretch your neck out before sitting back down to read over the case files in the hopes that you could pinpoint parameters that would get your team closer to solving this case. Line after line swims through your brain and nothing seems to stick. It's like suddenly all the ridges in your brain have disappeared and the receptors have melted.
Behind you, you hear someone yell that they're going on a coffee run, then you feel a tap on your elbow. Turning your head, you see Minghao with a questioning look in his eye. Without a word, you knew exactly what he was asking.
Want a coffee?
You immediately shake your head no, not wanting to deal with the effects of caffeine later. He gives you a curt nod and calls out to the person leaving the office to wait for him. He brushes behind you and you catch a whiff of him — sandalwood and something smoky — he smells like comfort. The scent of him lingers around you like an unspoken message from him:
Be back soon.
For the hundredth time, you turn your eyes back to the files hoping that this time you wouldn't come up empty. Taking a breath, you repeat a silent prayer in your head, one that wishes you are able to find anything that could help. Three folders of files later, you feel Minghao sliding into the seat next to you. You don't have to look up from the mountain of paper to know it's him. You just do.
As you're flipping over to the next page, you sense something warm near your left hand. You move your hand to find the source of heat and see that Minghao has placed a cup next to you. The logo of the coffee shop from down the street adorns the cupsleeve. Acknowledging him with a nod, you wrap both your hands around the cup and bring it in front of you.
I didn't ask for this. You say with a raise of your brow.
I know. He shrugs in response.
Drawing the cup to your mouth, the sweet scent of honey and vanilla fills the space around you as you blow on it. You were expecting the strong bitter aroma of coffee to invade your nose so when you smell the indicators of your regular order, your head whips back to him. You're staring at him with delighted surprise in your eyes. He squeezes your shoulder and shoots the warmest smile when he meets your gaze. You thank him by taking a drink, contently sighing at the sweet taste on your tongue.
When you open your eyes, you find a different pair of eyes staring at you.
"Can I help you, Dr. Jeon?"
"Just observing," he says, his eyes flitting between you and the man beside you.
"Find anything worth sharing?" You muse, tucking your chin on top of your hands.
While flipping through a case file, Wonwoo shakes his head no. You don't believe him for a second, which you make known by giving him a scrutinizing look. But you don't press him any further, opting to return to your work instead.
Minghao suddenly gets up and walks over to the board, presumably to pin something he found.
"He's never brought anyone coffee," Wonwoo says, breaking your concentration. You look at the doctorate in front of you with a deadpan look. One that prompts him to elaborate his point.
He leans forward and in a quiet tone explains that in the time that the two of them have worked together, he's never seen Minghao willingly get anyone coffee. Usually opting to joke that whoever asks has legs and can get the drink themselves. He also guessed by the look of your first sip that Minghao didn't just grab you any coffee, he purposefully got your specific coffee order.
There's a feeling in your stomach you can't place when you hear this. As Wonwoo drones on, you find your gaze naturally moving to where Minghao is. You can only see his back, but you can tell he's concentrating on something from the way his head is slightly tilted.
"And then there's the twin telepathy thing," Wonwoo quips. This breaks your stare.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh c'mon! The two of you just had a full blown conversation without uttering a single word."
You scoff and wave him off, telling him that it doesn't mean anything. Defending your friendship, you deflect and mock the young doctor. He returns your scoff with his own and leans back in his chair.
To anyone that asked, you would always deny it. You and Minghao, were friends, nothing else. But after Wonwoo's line of questioning, you wonder if he's maybe just named the intense feelings that you've been unable to.
Returning your gaze to Minghao, your head is swimming with the thoughts Wonwoo's seemingly planted. He turns to call out for Wonwoo to join him. Your eyes meet Minghao's and he gives you a smile that makes your heart drop to the pit of your stomach. It's a smile laced with a check in. Like somehow he knows you might not be all there.
And suddenly you realize it.
Fuck.
You like Xu Minghao.
[end of flashback]
A soft knock breaks your mindless (but correct) code writing and you smile as you see Minghao waving through the window. You push the memory from three years ago to the deep recesses of your mind. He pushes the door slightly open and pokes his head in, weary smile following. You know what this look means; it's wheels up for the team, time for them to fly somewhere to solve a case, time for him to leave.
"Hey, I'm heading out. I'll see you soon, yeah?"
"Safe flight, call me for any expert information pulling," you joke as he pulls off from your door.
"There isn't anyone else I would want to call babygirl," he calls out as he jogs to catch up with the rest of the team flying out. You smile watching him bounce away.
Unfortunately for you, that moment was the last time you would physically see Minghao for the next week. This was the norm for the two of you. You hardly ever joined in the field, and to be completely honest you preferred it that way. With your history, you decided (along with some urging from your boss) that it was probably better that you stayed behind for cases.
You do get to talk to him mid-week when an important piece of information comes across your desk.
"Tell me something I wanna hear," he exhales. You can hear the exhaustion and frustration in his voice.
"Anyone ever tell you, you have a great ass? Cause you do," you tease, trying to lighten the mood. Hearing him smile from the other side of the line makes you feel better.
"Tell me something I don't know pretty girl," he jokes back. You boo him, whining that he always spoils your fun.
"Don't make me spank you."
"Mmm, don't tempt me with a good time Agent," you say in a lower tone, feigning seduction. With a click of his tongue, he tells you to quit playing around. You sigh and acquiesce him, sharing that the unsub and his victims had a shared history. Grimacing as you shakily recount horrifying details, you wrap up your information dump with a sigh and a promise that this information would be sent over asap.
"Look up the words hot and magnificent in that magic box of yours and tell me what comes up," you hear the smirk and pride on Minghao's face loud and clear. Luck was on your side today as no one could see the rouge tint splayed across your face and on the tips of your ears.
"Would ya look at that? A picture of me popped up." You replied, emphasizing the p in the last word with a popping sound. Inside you are fighting every nerve in your body.
"You are the love of my life, gorgeous! Good job, see ya when we're back." The click of the line rescues you from having to repsond. Your hand is still wrapped around the receiver as you let out a breath. An involuntary groan comes from you. It's the kind of groan you let out when you know you're absolutely smitten and can't do jack all about it. The silence in your office cloaks you in your own feelings, the next words that come out of your mouth barely break the sound barrier.
"I wish you meant that, Hao."
It wasn't till Friday afternoon that the rest of the team was flying in after wrapping up another horrifying but solved case.
The clock ticks a quarter till five and you shoot a text to your cat-eyed partner in crime, asking him if he needed a round (or more) once he landed. An immediate ping returns with a resounding yes and that he'd head straight to Rummo's. Wrapping up a report, you lock up and head to the elevator to meet with Minghao. The ride down takes longer than you want it to, but the doors finally ding open and you're basically skipping out the exit.
"Have a good weekend YN," Chan smiles at you as he holds the door open for you.
"Thanks Channie! I'll see ya Monday!"
"Rummo's tonight? I didn't see the team come in this morning." You nod back.
"Is tonight the night?" He asks with expectant eyes. While everyone in the office basically knew about the budding relationship between you and Minghao, Chan was the only one who ever said anything to you about it. He was also the only one who knew about how much you truly longed for Minghao. It wasn't like you paraded around declaring your love for the profiler, but anyone who looked hard enough could see it. You cared about Minghao in the way that you didn't about anyone else. Sometimes more than yourself. You shoot Chan a look with a hopeful gleam and he responds back with a thumbs up. The week spent in the office alone (along with a phone call from your mother regarding your love life) had forced you to evaluate your relationship with Minghao. Years of noticing the small things that make him tick. Simply put, after years of yearning for the man who broke you down with a whiff of his cologne, you came to the conclusion that you couldn't bear to wait any longer. You needed him to know how you felt and more importantly how he made you feel.
You send a quick text to him that you'd be at your favorite bar in less than ten minutes. As you're walking past storefronts you check your reflection in the glass. No biggie, you're just confessing your feelings to the most important person in your life and your hair is a tangled mess and the mascara on your eyelashes smudged from the strain of staring at a computer all day. You do your best to smooth down the frizz of your hair and you pray to whatever god above that you can fix yourself up before Minghao spots you.
It's half past five by the time you get to Rummo's and it seems like every other office worker in the vicinity had the same idea because your favorite local bar is packed with people in suits. You thank your lucky stars and make a beeline for the bathroom to fix yourself up. You assess the damage as you take a look at the mirror and you wish you hadn't.
Your top fits a little funny because of how blessed you are in the chest department. Your trousers suddenly feel a bit tight and you tune into how the button seems to dig into your stomach. You try to move your clothes around a bit to make it look more flattering against your shape and notice that the seams of your pants have left imprints on your hips. The movement (and your awful anxiety) have made the tiny bathroom even tinier and you feel like the temperature inside has gotten warmer.
Taking a shallow breath you move on to take a look at your hair but before you can do anything about it, a knock on the door alerts you to someone who had been waiting on you. You push the door open to the bathroom and apologize to the person on the other side and look for Minghao. Your confidence is lower than when you walked in, but you were still determined to tell him how you felt tonight.
The smell of his cologne, hidden behind copious amounts of whiskey, hits you before you even lay your eyes on him. You square your shoulders back, plaster on a smile and clap him on the back when you approach. He turns to you, a tinge of pink dotted across his cheeks and eyes in the shape of crescent moons. A quick glance at the three empty glasses next to him tells you all you need to know — this case was horrific and he needed a break from reality. You don't think you'll get to tell him anything tonight.
"There's my babygirl," he swoons excitedly reaching out to you. Your heart leaps out of your chest and it aches. It kills you to not focus on the inflection behind the "my".
"Hey Hao— Whoa," you lean forward as he almost falls out of the bar stool. A giggle comes spilling out of him when he wraps his arms around you, pressing his face into your shoulder. You help him sit back upright and he scrambles to remove his jacket from the seat next to him, ushering you to sit next to him. Doyoung, the usual barback who tends to your crew, places a drink in front of you. Thanking him with a nod, you down the drink to match Hao's level of drunkenness. The night is filled with him drunkenly egging you on to drink more and you making sure that he's also drinking water so he doesn't absolutely perish the next day.
Suddenly Minghao, who had previously been slumped over the bar, sits straight up and grabs your face. He brings it close to his and you genuinely are unable to tell if you're currently hallucinating. He pores over your face with a scrutinizing look in his eyes. His gaze lands on your lips and stays for a while. Longer than what is appropriate between two best friends. Two coworkers. Your lips are inches away and the alcohol you've consumed silences the alarm bells going off in your head. You hadn't expected this at all, the second you had seen him downing drinks you quickly pivoted away from the original intention you had tonight. You let your eyes flutter shut and enjoy the warmth of his hands, you also pick up on the scent of whiskey and mint on his breath. There's a ringing in your ears and it isn't the alarm bells of your barely functioning brain. No, it's the ringing that happens when the one person who turns your world upside down is about to kiss you. But the moment never comes.
You open your eyes and find him studying your face. Irises wide (probably from the whiskey) and mapping spots on your face.
"Hao?" You ask as you place one of your hands on his, you're hyper aware of the small jolt of electricity that happens on your cheek when your hands touch.
"Mmm?" He hums, absolute glee hidden behind the smile on his face. You tap the hand on your left cheek, asking him if there was something he needed to tell you.
"You remind me of her." The shape of his eyes still crescent moons, his cheeks even pinker. From the alcohol or the confession you weren't able to tell.
"Hmm?" You say giggly.
"The girl I'm in love with— you remind me of her." He says like he isn't absolutely shattering your entire world right now.
"Oh." You could only respond in a monosyllabic manner, the entire situation quickly sobering you from your fantasy. You grab his hands and gingerly fold them into his lap.
He giggles to himself at your short response. Your mind is spinning and the three heavy-handed drinks Doyoung poured you certainly weren't helping. It isn't till Minghao waves his hand in your face that you realize he'd asked you a question. You apologize and he asks you again what you think. It felt like an impossible question to answer; your heart was absolutely shattered but as his best friend you needed to at least seem supportive.
"Whoever she is, she's a lucky girl," you respond, the fake smile on your face hurting your jaw.
"You think so?" He asks, blissfully drunk and unaware.
You nod, trying to will the tears in your eyes to not spill. Your barback slides the two of you tall glasses of water and your tab. The time had passed by and the time on the receipt told you that the bar was nearing closing time. Downing your water like a camel, you gear up to play another heartbreaking game of pretend. Quickly you get Minghao to drink his water, slide some cash to Doyoung, and move the drunk cat that is your coworker outside the bar to wait for a cab. Puffs of your breath can be seen against the night sky and the two of you stand close to each other to get some warmth. It doesn't prove to be very effective as shivers run through your body. Perceptive as he is, Minghao wordlessly shrugs his black coat off and threads your arms through the sleeves.
"Hao, what are you doing? Take your coat back. It's below freezing," you say through chattering teeth.
You roll your eyes and start to remove the very warm coat off you. The unmistakable shake of his earrings rings through the air as he hushes you and forces the coat around you again, this time closing the buttons to make sure you stay put. A frustrated sigh comes from you, made evident by the puff of steam flowing in front of you. You silently thank him with a swift nod of your head. Some minutes tick by and suddenly you feel a cold hand slip into the pocket and close over your balled up fist.
A hollow ache is forming in your chest. Your hand instinctively unfurls and the second it does, Minghao threads his fingers through yours. Wetness pools around the rim of your eyes when you feel the shape of figure eights rubbing against the back of your hand. Silently, you thank the cold weather as you sniffle the tears back. If he noticed what was wrong, you could immediately blame it on the chill. You stare up at the sky, hoping to find something that could distract you from your wailing thoughts. But you're met with nothing, not a single star in sight. Not a constellation in the sky to use as small talk. So you stand and let your heart ache, because this might be the last time you have a moment like this with him.
You're also trying to make sure Minghao doesn't crumple to the floor. He whines telling you that he's tired of standing and he clings onto you like a koala, telling you that you felt like a plush radiator. You blow off his comment and wave down the bright yellow cab who had just dropped off someone down the street. With as much strength you can muster you push Minghao into the cab and give directions to the driver to his place.
"Wait, you're not coming with me?" He pouts, hanging his head out the window.
You hated yourself for how much you wanted to still kiss him. Shaking your head no, you tell him you'll see him later. He pouts some more and even whines a little, making your heart swell and ache simultaneously. You tilt his head up a little and drill into him that he needs to drink water when he gets home. He gives you a little salute and slumps his back in his seat. The cab begins to drive away and you wave even though you know Minghao can't see you. Suddenly he sticks his head out the window again and yells at you.
"Don't tell the girl at work that I'm in love with her!" And just like that Xu Minghao shatters your heart for the second time.
Saturdays are reserved for shitty movies and wasting away at your place. In the last year, Minghao has been a welcome addition to your long standing tradition, but you wake up today (still slightly hungover) remembering every single thing that happened last night and can't bear the thought of seeing him. You send him a text that you aren't feeling well and need to just sleep the nausea and hangover away. It wasn't completely a lie, you genuinely did have a hangover and you felt sick to your stomach at his confession. The confession that broke your heart and had you questioning your own self worth. Who were you kidding, no guy like Minghao could have ever been into you. He could have his pick of girls, so of course he was pining for someone else. You mostly felt so dumb that you even held the fantasy for so long. Minghao doesn't reply back right away, you assume he's probably still asleep and decide that a small nap might help you feel better.
You wake up to the sound of knocking at your front door and grumble, throwing the blanket over your head, hoping that whoever is at your door will just go away. You're not expecting any guests so you definitely were not getting up for anyone right now. Unfortunately, your attempt to ignore them does not work as the knocking gets louder and more aggressive. Throwing your blanket around you, you groan and stomp to your front door. The knocking keeps going and you finally swing your door open, ready to yell at whoever is fucking disturbing your peace right now.
"Jesus Christ! What do you wa— Minghao? What the fuck?!"
"Me what the fuck? I think I should be saying that to you. It's Saturday, our day remember?" You wince at the decibel he's at. Shooting him a glare with the force of a thousand daggers, you whip out your phone and show him the text of you canceling.
He sticks his tongue out and pushes into your apartment, blabbering about how you couldn't let a couple drinks interrupt the tradition. A trail of his things follow behind him as he makes himself completely at home on your couch. He spots his coat from the night before and jokes that he wondered where it ended up. Your nose scrunches up in annoyance and you can't find it within yourself to pretend to be fine with him being here. One by one you pick up his things and launch them at him, each landing getting a complaint. You coldly tell him to take his things and leave.
"Haha very funny babygirl. C'mon," he pats the spot next to him, "It's movie time. I'm thinking comedy because you're being so gru-"
"Minghao. I'm not kidding. I don't feel good, I'm going back to bed, please take your shit and go home."
You don't even wait for a response, you quickly spin on your heel and head back to your room. You don't even have it in you to close the door on him, you just slip back into your bed. Burying yourself under the covers, the tears in your eyes are hot and you try to blink them back. It isn't until you hear the muffled click of your front door that you let the tears stream down your face, effectively dehydrating you even more.
This year's winter was giving unsubs harsh brutality a run for their money. In the five years since you've lived in Virginia, you'd never felt such an arctic winter. Roads constantly slick with ice, the chill in the air absolutely biting. The only thing rivaling the intensity of this winter was how hard your head had been thinking about your relationship with Minghao. After what you thought would have been the moment, you decided that you couldn't wait forever anymore. You couldn't waste time on the cat-eyed profiler anymore. Knowing he'd had ample time in the years of you working together to say something. The years filled of stolen glances during team debriefs, of flirty comments that would gave HR a heart attack, of him using a nickname reserved only for you. Even on that night, he had the entire night to say something, anything. Instead you were met with a confession that crushed any hope you had as well as your self esteem.
This was the third week of you silently mending the heart he'd unknowingly broken. You could absolutely feel the difference in the interactions, but the profiler for all his ability to read humans, was none the wiser. The list of your names for him continued, but never with the same vibrancy you'd always envelope them in. You were facing a silent fight, the only person who only noticed your off kilter demeanor, was Chan. The first week of your moping he initially let you be, only ever giving a skeptic raise of his brow when you'd brush off his comments regarding your well-being. By the second week, he knew you'd been lying and figuratively backed you into a corner.
You had been drowning in case files and your eyes were starting to dry out. You make your way out of your office and to the bathroom on your floor, but you sharply make a right towards the elevator when you see Minghao heading in the same direction. The door is about to close and you call out to the group to hold the doors open for you. In your absolute panic, you don't realize how loud your voice was. What you also miss when you push yourself into the elevator is Minghao frantically searching for you across the office when he heard you.
You make your way to the back of the elevator and pinch the bridge of your nose as you lean your head back against the wall. Your eyes are closed for the entire ride and it's only when the automated voice of the elevator bell announces the floor, that you realized you took the elevator all the way down to the main lobby. Remembering what your actual purpose of leaving the office was, you make a beeline for the bathroom. You weren't explicitly avoiding Chan, but you knew you couldn't hold out much longer until you cracked under his constant questions.
On your way out from the restroom, you hear a sharp whistle come from behind. Whipping your head around, you see Chan waving you over. Timidly you walk over. You know that he's going to ask what's up with you, so you mentally prepare your responses on your way to him. Sure enough his first question after greeting each other is why you aren't your normal bubbly self. You lie and say that you haven't been feeling well, which he immediately clocks, urging you to not lie to him.
"Come on sweetheart. I haven't seen the two of you walk in together in weeks, almost a month. And if I'm noticing it, it's only a matter of time before everyone else in the office notices it too."
You say nothing and just look at him with pleading eyes, trying to communicate that you don't really feel like talking about this. But of course he doesn't see it or he adamantly ignores it because he presses you even further. Arguing that he definitely knows something is wrong because he hasn't heard a complaint from Dr. Jeon about the out of line comments that are always coming from the two of you.
"Seriously seeing his face scrunch up at the two of you is the only real bit of entertainment I get around here. So spill it sweetheart, what the heck happened at Rummo's?"
You don't know if it's his persistence, the threat that your multi-doctorate coworker would eventually put the pieces together, or the idea that you were tired of holding everything in, but you give in and run down the details of that heartbreaking Friday night. You don't even notice that you're speaking in hushed tones until Chan leans in closer and asks you to repeat certain parts of the story. As you move along the details, you notice his shoulders visibly lower, like he's physically taking the weight of your pain. When you finish, you're full on silently crying and the first thing he does is fish a handkerchief out of his jacket pocket. The whimsical dinosaur print makes you giggle and he tells you that it belongs to his kid. You look at him incredulously, you were not prepared for this lore drop about your favored security guard.
"You have a kid?!"
"You're not the only one with secrets around here," he says with a wink.
You hit him in the arm and beg him to show you pictures. Further prodding him about the fact that he has a kid, leading into the fact that he has a whole family that you didn't know about. He pulls out his wallet and shows you several polaroids of the sweetest little girl. She is the spitting image of him, even in her young age she smiles just as big as her dad. While you're leafing through the pictures, Chan starts to talk about your situation. He comforts you, assuring that your reaction to the whole confession was normal. That the ache you feel is what everyone would feel and comes with the territory. He starts the next sentence, but pauses, chewing on his bottom lip.
"I can tell you're trying to fit a sentence together, what is it Chan?"
"I'm just not 100% convinced…" Your brows knit together in confusion. You stay quiet to signal him to continue his thought. He then asks if you're sure of what he said to you the night at the bar.
"I mean I don't think I'll ever forget him breaking my heart like that," you say solemnly.
"Look sweetheart, I'm not saying I know anything about how he really feels…"
"But?"
"But I've seen the way you two look at each other. More importantly I've seen the way he looks at you. The way he looks at you isn't the way you look at someone who's just a friend."
"How does he look at me then? If you don't think he looks at me like a friend, then how?" You arms are crossed as you scrutinize him with your eyes.
Chan sighs and takes the pile of polaroids from your hands. You whine in protest. He goes through them one by one, seemingly looking for something specific. He finally lands on the polaroid he's looking for and takes a big pause. You feel him take your hand and he places it face down on your palm. Flipping it over, your heart aches. It's a candid family picture; Chan's wife is cooing at their daughter, giving her a kiss on the cheek, and Chan is off to the side smiling wide. At first glance you'd think he's smiling at his daughter, but at a closer look you can see that the smile isn't for his kid, it's for his wife. He is looking at her with so much love, if he was a cartoon there would pink and red hearts in his eyes.
"That's how he looks at you. The way I look at my wife. You told me what he said that night, I don't know. I just don't believe it."
You let out a huff of disapproval and he throws his hands up in defense, offering that these were only his thoughts. Your shoulders slump back down and you squeeze the bridge of your nose. Chan offers a comforting rub of your shoulder and suggests that maybe it would be good for you to get out of the office for a bit, or at the very least finding a quiet place to let your thoughts run wild so you can come back and focus on your work.
Deciding that the thing you needed to help you clear your head was a warm cup of coffee, you brave the flurry of snow and take a quick walk to your usual cafe, a ten minute walk from the office. As you're wrapping a scarf around yourself, a gust of wind knocks the fabric out of your hand and straight into the face of a person who was heading into same cafe.
"I am so sorry!" You call out, rushing over to the being whose face was currently trapped in your bright yellow scarf.
A muffled laugh comes from behind your scarf, a leather gloved hand bunches it up to pull it away, and what's revealed is the face of an absolutely breathtaking man. His skin glowing like he'd been kissed by the sun, even in this dreary winter. You notice the moles that decorate his golden skin, like stars had placed themselves there. Eyes the color of coal but the coal that still feels warm even after the fire stopped burning. He flashes a smile at you, the kind that that radiates heat in your stomach, one that you're sure could melt all the snow fluttering around you.
"It's alright, honestly it's my fault I walked into your scarf," he chuckles, folding up your scarf, handing it back to you.
He then opens the door to the cafe, gesturing inside. You basically float inside, the flutters in your tummy carrying you in. You walk up to the counter and order your usual — honey vanilla latte. There's something about this drink that just feels like the warmest and most comforting hug. As you pull out your card to pay, you hear someone behind you request a red eye added to that order. The speed at which you whip your head is probably faster than lightning. Ready to lay into the person who thought they could sneak in on your coffee order, you take a breath, but nothing comes out when you realize it's the guy who got a face full of your scarf earlier.
"Oh, it's just you," you say meekly.
"Just me? Ouch, I haven't even given you my name yet," he teases. You feel warmth grace the tips of your ears and cheeks. Chuckling at you, he reaches into his pocket and hands the barista behind you a ten dollar bill. Your eyes go wide, indicating a protest at his action. He shrugs and walks to an empty table, he looks up at you then shifts his gaze to the seat in front of him. After an internal conflict, you figure that a conversation with the cute stranger who just paid for your coffee wouldn't hurt. Thanking him for the coffee, he shrugs and leans back in his seat. He replies that its not a big deal and the two of you begin to talk as you wait for your coffee to be ready.
You learn his name is Donghyuck but most of his friends call him Hyuck. He moved to Virginia from California a couple months ago after picking a random spot on the map. He's a piano teacher to the children in his neighborhood. You jokingly ask if he would extend lessons to adults and he jokes back that you would be the only person he'd consider doing it for. Before you can reply, the barista calls out that your drinks are ready. Beating him to the punch, you pick up both of your drinks and take it back to the table.
Sliding his drink toward him, you circle back to him teaching piano lessons. Your hands touch when he wraps his hand around the cup and it lingers for just a moment. At a simple glance, no one would have noticed it. You do and you fight the smile that begs to come out. Luckily for you, the warm cup of coffee in your hands was a great way to cover it up. You take a small sip and feel yourself melt into the drink.
"Is your drink as sweet as you are?" He says as you put the cup down. It takes everything in you to not choke on the hot liquid. Cheesy lines like this don't typically work on you, but there's something about Donghyuck that just feels true and intentional. After years of pining over someone else, why not allow yourself to be chosen first? Chosen boldly?
As you're about to return the flirty comment, your phone pings. Shooting him an apologetic look, you flip your phone open to see that you've gotten a text from an analyst on your team asking where you were. You looked at the time and realized that you'd been gone for three quarters of an hour.
"Shoot, I'm sorry I have to go back to work," you say, shoving your arms through your coat. Scooting out of your chair you stand up and hurriedly rush towards the door.
"Hold on," he calls out after you. Turning around you notice that he has your scarf in his hand. You reach out your hand to accept it, but instead of handing it to you, he unravels the golden fabric. He wraps the scarf around you and once it's fixed to his liking, he steps back with a smile.
"Perfect."
Your eyes fall to the floor and you feel the prick of heat warming the tips of your ears. He slips something into your hand and you barely catch what he says, too distracted by the gesture. You know it was a question so you nod your head and promptly head out the door. It's not until you're halfway back to the building that you realize he gave you a coffee sleeve with his number written on it. Shaking your head, you laugh to yourself and slide the sleeve into your purse.
You return to the office in an absolute daze. Your steps feel lighter and so does your chest. The ache of Minghao's wreckage still sings, but the volume is currently softened. There's a smile hiding in your cheeks, you zip past security so you can calm yourself down in your office.
"Good morning!" The profiler chirps, coffee in hand.
"Morning." You push past, head down trying to avoid eye contact.
"Hold it," he stops you before you can get too far, "Ease off the gas there Zug."
You freeze.
You hadn't heard that name in years. Five to be exact. And he was the last one to call you that.
The nickname was a reference to your alias when you worked with the Caissa network. The network itself was named after the Greek dryad of chess and every network player had some kind of chess term as an alias. Yours was "Zugzwang" — a term to describe when a player is put at a disadvantage by having to make a move. Appropriate because when you trapped someone into your game any move they made was a losing one. When you were at odds with the government, they fell for the trap every time. But now, because of Minghao, you'd been using your evil genius for good.
"Every day."
"Every day what?"
"Every day I say good morning . Every day you say, 'it is now that I've seen you' or another quirky comment that would make Dr. Jeon turn the color of your sparkle pen. Where have you been?"
Your eyes form into lines as you scrutinize him. Pretending to straightening the ID badge affixed to his shirt pocket, you kiss your teeth with a click. He continues on talking about how he's noticed that you've been passing off delivering case reports and sitting out of team meetings.
"You profilers and your behavioral analysis. You ever take a break?" Inside you're screaming. Now he has the sense to finally notice the difference?!
"If I took a break, who'd catch all the bad guys? 'Fess up pretty."
You roll your eyes and land a soft smack on his shoulder.
"Fine. I met a guy," you admit, a dreamy smile breaking out of the corners of your lips.
For a second there is a look of shock displayed on Minghao's face. He quickly fixes his face, but you definitely notice. You always noticed the small changes, even when you tried not to. You try not to think too much of it as he digs you for more details. You recap the interaction from this morning. Spilling small details about Donghyuck in a dreamy daze. Not forgetting to comment on how handsome and hot you think he is. Twice. There's a beat of silence, a look of pondering etched across his face, before he nods to himself.
"Alright, yeah that happens." He gives you a pat on the shoulder and starts to walk to his office, but you don't miss the purse of his lips.
"Not to me it doesn't." He stops and turns around.
"Come again?"
"Look Hao, let's not kid ourselves. I'm not the kind of girl who turns heads when she walks into a room—"
"Babygirl—"
"No. It's okay. I do well enough on my own. I'm a big girl, literally. I can pull, it just isn't always instantly, y'know? I gotta get them to look past the space I take up first." He hesitates to nod. Another small moment of quiet, the effort of piecing together his next sentence apparent in the crease of his brows. Before he can say anything you beat him to breaking the silence.
"I mean, what do you think Hao?"
"I'd say trust your gut princess. If the guy feels too good to be true, he probably is. Best to move on yeah?"
"Well—
Before you can answer, Hyeri the case liaison walks in, arms chock full of files.
"Team brief now. It's bad."
"Clearly."
The two of you follow her into the conference room, something indescribable weighs heavy on your shoulders.
The team debrief makes you feel nauseous. And it's not because of the bloody gruesome details of the latest unsub that Hyeri had briefed the team on. Minghao's words keep ringing in your ear. The rest of the team made their way out to the Florida site and here you were in your office replaying the peculiar conversation the two of you had. You're trying to make sense of his reactions but you're unable to get very far. To ease your mind, you turn to work and get to compiling and cross-referencing the victim list that the team had drawn up with the information the local police department had just sent over.
Knee deep in a list of mugshots, your office phone trills to break your concentration.
"You know who you've reached. Speak," your tone monotonous as you try to continue your focus on your job. Minghao is on the other end asking for an update. You frown at his voice, something that in the past rarely happened. But his comment, along with everything else that transpired between the two of you, were creeping under your skin. The reaction he had to Donghyuck was off and it was beginning to irritate you. Why did he care so much about you meeting a guy, much less a dreamy one like Hyuck? Shouldn't he be whisking away the girl he's supposedly in love with? As he continues to feed you more information, you cut him off telling him you've identified the victims and a locale parameter that the unsub is using as their hunting ground.
"Damn woman, you blow my mind." He whistles, the tone of his voice reading impressed at how fast you were able to narrow things down.
"Yeah, I'm efficient. Gotta go" You quip, not wanting to keep this conversation any longer than it needs to be.
"Whoa, whoa, that's the second time today. No fiery comment? No 'I'll show you what else I can blow'.
"Not today, Minghao." You sigh, rolling your eyes.
"Full government? What's going on?" He never called you by your full name either.
"I'm gonna tell the hot coffee shop guy no. I'm taking your advice, you were right he's probably too good to be true."
"Oh.. Um.. Well that was definitely a smart move." Adds insult to injury by saying there was probably, definitely something wrong with him. Fire starts to run through your veins.
"Huh. Guess that's why they pay you the big bucks." You snort under you breath.
"Come again?" The defensiveness in his voice ignites the fire inside you to roar.
"What was it Minghao? What tipped you off about him? I gave you an ounce of info about him and suddenly you can tell everything about him?!" You're sure that at the decibel you were screamng at, those standing out in the bullpen could hear you.
"Babygirl I-"
"No, humor me for a sec Mr. Profiler, was it how dashingly handsome he was or how interested he was in me that screamed wrong to you?"
"Wait—"
"Just because YOU wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on me, doesn't mean that someone else— someone less frivolous and not so damn full of themselves wouldn't. You want fiery Xu? How's this: You're a fucking coward."
You slam the receiver down and the dam bursts. You call for one of the other analysts to take over your casework for the day and rush home. As you're heading out, your boss catches you and you quickly tell him to expect a call once you get home explaining why you're leaving midday in the middle of the week. The elevator ride feels like agonizing hours, your anxiety spreading itself like wildfire across your body. You thank every star above that Chan was on his break because you didn't want to face him, mostly because you didn't want to break down at the entrance of your building where you could be perceived. It's only while you're driving home, in the quiet of midday traffic, do you let yourself actually cry. The tears making stoplights and street signs blurs of reds and greens. The rest of the afternoon is spent rotting on your couch, sniffling over the man who caused your heart to splinter.
When you're sure you've cried all the water out of you, you get up to get some water. A chill has landed in your apartment and you resort to wrapping your softest blanket around you. Grabbing your blanket ends up knocking over your purse and its contents spill out onto your carpet. The whine that comes out of you mirrors a petulant child and you kneel down to gather the mess up. When you think that you've returned everything into your purse, you notice a crumpled cupsleeve from the cafe you frequent. You pick it up and head to the kitchen to throw it in the trash, but before you drop into the plastic, you notice the handwriting on the back of it. You get a closer look and see that the mess of scribble is actually Donghyuck's number.
You don't know if it's rage, revenge, or purely just needing a distraction but suddenly you're grabbing your phone and dialing the number. After three rings, the call connects and you hear his smile before his voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi Donghyuck?"
"Ah the girl whose drink matches her voice!" You smile at his words and even giggle a little. You share that work had you pre-occupied (not a lie, but not the truth). The laughter on the other end of the line gives you butterflies.
"Are you free this weekend?" you blurt out. Immediately realizing how sudden it might seem you stutter out, "To pay you b-back for coffee, of course!" Your voice squeaks at the end and you roll your eyes at how pathetic you probably look right now.
"Saturday for dinner work for you gorgeous?"
You bite your lip at the nickname, feeling like you were back in elementary school waiting for your crush to read your note. Telling him that Saturday was perfect, he affirms by telling you he'll pick you up around eight o'clock.
Saturday rolls around and you're getting ready for your date with Donghyuck, but there's a twinge of something wrong in the air. Something in your gut isn't settling well.
Everything reminded you of him.
The outfit you were wearing? The first time you'd worn the ensemble, Minghao had said that the color made your eyes shine like galaxies.
The bangle hanging off your right hand? A present from him after your first year at the BAU. "A celebration — to turning a new leaf", he said as he closed the clasp around your wrist. You unconsciously rub your fingers around the metal band surrounding your forearm. The indentation of your favorite flowers etched in intricate detail, providing a sense of familiarity and emptiness.
The color on your lips, painted the same color the night you two almost kissed. The color he said was downright sinful but made you look like you had been plucked straight from heaven.
The moisture in your eyes isn't apparent until you're staring back at your blurry reflection. The soft ambient lighting in your apartment becomes unclear in the mirror. A groan erupts from the back of your throat as you blink the tears back, not wanting to ruin the makeup you'd spent way too much time on.
You felt him everywhere and it was suffocating. It became loud and clear that your heart still beats for one person and one person only. Your heart takes over your body and you reach for your phone to cancel your plans with Donghyuck. Before you can even press the call icon, a knock on your door startles you.
He's here? Already? You could've sworn that you had agreed on 8 pm and your clock only read quarter past 7. A quick swipe of your phone confirms that there were no new messages from Hyuck. You shrug, assuming that maybe he had just decided to come early. You let out a huff, realizing that the hot guy from the cafe is probably standing outside of your apartment, minutes after you'd come to the earth shattering realization that you were still hung up on the profiler you'd been avoiding for weeks. This was going to be really awkward.
Men and their awful fucking timing.
You grab a sweater to shield yourself from the inevitable chill that opening your front door would allow in. But what awaits you on the other side of your cherry red door isn't something that your sweater could've prepared you for.
"Minghao?"
The tips of his ears and his entire nose as bright as your door. Puffs of his breath coming out in short bursts. His chest was heaving. Did he run over here?
"What are you doing here?" You're staring at him in bewilderment.
It had been a while since you had last been face to face. The last time you'd seen him was the day you told him about Donghyuck. The last time you'd actually spoken to him was during the Florida case. Where he'd unknowingly planted a hurtful comment inside of you. You'd ignored his invite to the bar the day that he returned. The tradition of movie night on Saturdays had been skipped the last couple of weekends, with whatever excuse you could come up with. It took a lot of convincing on your end, but your boss allowed you to sit out on team briefs just so you didn't have to be in the same room as Minghao. One of the things that stayed with you from your past life was the ability to determine who was walking by based only on their tread. This came in especially handy on the days that you couldn't work from home. That skill escaped you in this very moment.
Because here he is. Right outside your apartment.
You say nothing and cross your arms with an air of ignorance.
"You said I wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on you and you're right." You roll your eyes and start to close the door but he stops it. He pushes the door back open and lets himself into your apartment. Your eyes are wide, staring at his audacity.
"I'd do more." Kicking off his boots, he stalks further into your apartment. The nerve he has to make himself familiar in your sanctuary. What infuriates you further is how devastatingly handsome he looks. Hair the color of onyx, perfectly windswept, the tips of them covered in half melted snowflakes. You can see under his black trench coat, a black ribbed tank, showing off his stupidly perfect collarbones and the small layer of sheen from what you assume is the result of him running to your place.
"What?" The look on your face is a combination of bewilderment and annoyance. Minghao across your living room, huffs out and crosses to you.
He cradles your face then presses his forehead against yours.
"I'm sorry I was a coward."
Seconds that feel like hours pass and he finally kisses you. And of course it's perfect, the kind of kiss that you dream of when kissing the person that holds your entire heart. The perfect clash of passion. The kind of kiss that leaves you wanting more. The kind that leaves the both of you panting as you pull away for air.
"God for a profiler, you were really unable to read me for the longest time."
"I don't use my skills for personal gain, babygirl."
"Maybe you should…" The lilt in your voice is teasing.
"You think so?" You flash him a grin, one that's inviting in nature.
"So… When you said you'd do more, what did that exactly entail?" You tease, fisting your hands in his tank as you pull him in for another kiss. His hands hadn't left your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks as he returns your advance.
There is fire behind both of your lips, you can feel the rawness as the two of you clumsily fight for dominance. Minghao fists a hand in your hair and gently tugs, exposing your neck to him. He trails kisses down to your collarbone, each touch igniting the flame inside your stomach. He's got you pushed up against the wall, placing marks across your chest. Desire is pooling at the apex of your thighs and like moth to a flame, Minghao senses it. His free hands makes its way down your body, down to where you wanted to feel him the most. Pushing up your dress, he dreamily sighs at the sight that beholds him: red mesh underwear that leaves little to the imagination. The minx that he is skirts around your pulsing clit, the tips of his fingers flirting around your bundle of nerves through the thin layer of fabric. You whine against his lips, hips involuntarily pushing into his hand. The sound of his smile against your lips is intoxicating and the smokiness of his rasp is sinful.
"C'mon babygirl, use your words and tell me what you want."
Your eyes roll back in pleasure as he weaponizes his nickname for you. You can't help but whimper when he slides your underwear to the side and makes brief contact with your clit, an unrecognizable pitch coming from you. His lips have returned to your neck and your hands find purchase in his locks.
"Fuck Minghao. Please" You beg. The lack of touch driving you to the brink of insanity. He moves his hands, but in the opposite direction of what you want. A pout forms on your lips and another whine spills past. He pulls you away from the wall and kisses you again, hands roaming, like he was mapping every part of you he wanted to devour. They stop at your ass where he grabs a handful, the groan that follows sending heat straight to your belly. In between lip locks, he lightly taps the backs of your thighs and in a low register laced with sin, commanded
"Jump."
Your body moved faster than your mind, wrapping your legs around his waist. The simple ask sent a jolt of electricity straight to your core. He carries you with ease to your bedroom, whose door he kicks open. You tell him this later but this very simple act of carrying you like you were weightless made you want to praise him like a god. Laying you at the edge of your bed, he stands back to drink the sight of you in. What he sees is feminine divine: your hair flowing like you were Aphrodite herself, remnants of your lipstick looking decadent on your lips, the way you're chewing on your bottom lip the very definition of sin. You prop yourself up on your elbows, completely in your head. You, the girl who was often passed over, almost always the second choice, felt the voices of doubt nipping at your skin. Even now as he towers over you, in your bedroom, you're avoiding his gaze and you can feel yourself shrinking.
"Hey, no. None of that pretty," he takes your chin in your hand and focuses your gaze on him. He kisses you, softly, lacing poetic of your beauty in between breaths. You mentally thank your past self for choosing a dress with buttons in the front as he begins to fumble with them. He doesn't get very far and out of frustration rips the front of your dress open, buttons flying in every direction. A sound of protest comes from you, but Minghao is immediately shutting you up by telling you he'll buy you another one. The other thing that shuts you up is his arms as he removes his trench coat. You'd always known his arms were thick, the lines of them defined in the button ups he'd wear to work, but seeing them bare confirmed your beliefs. The stretch of his biceps as he took his tank off making you dizzy.
There was no doubt about the hunger in his eyes as they raked down your body, the smirk forming when he realized that your bra matched your underwear. For a swift second, there's a tinge of darkness in them that chills your spine. The sound that comes from him can be described as nothing but feral when he leans over you and pushes your bra down. A mix of cold air and his warm wet mouth around your nipple makes you hiss. Your hands lock him to your chest and your hips are bucking up into him. His free hand reaches up and two fingers graze your lips and push into your open mouth. You feel Minghao smile against your chest when you swirl your tongue against his fingers. Pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he dances a line down to your core, sliding them through your wet folds. The sensation elicits a sound that vibrates through your chest and you buck your hips against his palm, signaling your desire. He picks up on your cue and slides two fingers into you, the sensation stinging in the best way possible.Bucking your hips up into the air with wanton need, you lay a message for him to find in your moans — keep going.
The telepathic connection you two have proves to still be fully functional as he continues his pace. Curling his long, slender fingers into a spot that makes you feel like he's bringing down the stars just for you. Warmth is spreading all over your body, the band in your core beginning to tighten up. Your breath is getting shallower, your moans are barely sounds.
"Let go for me babygirl, let me feel it." He urges and you can't do anything but oblige. The coil snaps and the pleasure is white-hot. You cry his name out as you squeeze around his fingers. The bliss you feel pushes you to drag his face up to you and capture his lips. You snake a free hand down to his pants and palm his length, a moan coming out when you feel how hard he is. Switching positions, you get yourself on top of him and grind on him to try and cure the ache in your core. He makes space between the two of you and undresses his lower half for you.
You're slightly ashamed for how you drool when his length flops up and smacks against his toned stomach, but that feeling quickly disappears. There's a split second where you pout when you take in how well endowed Minghao is. Mentally whining that he was blessed in every department, you wrap your hand around his length and you hear him grit his teeth. There's a glint in your eye as you shimmy down and take his leaking head in your mouth. It's almost automatic how his hand flies and threads into your scalp. A groan escapes him and that encourages you to take his length even deeper. This action gets him to throw his head back and in turn pulling your hair. The sting from that sends waves of heat to your core.
"Fuck pretty girl, I knew your mouth was filthy but holy fu-" He doesn't finish his sentence because you take him in fully and he hits the back of your throat. You look up at him and the way his face twists in pleasure has you sucking harder. This proves to be enjoyable for him because you feel him trying not to buck his hips up into your mouth.
"Fuck. Fuck baby, hold on. I don't-" You pull off him, a look of worry in your eyes, eyelashes wet from your actions. He instantly assures you that nothing is wrong, he just embarrassingly doesn't want to cum too early. His ears twinge pink and you giggle at him, coming back up and placing a kiss on his nose.
"You have no idea, how long…" he stops himself, but you give his hand a squeeze, telling him you understand. He kisses you lightly and before you two get lost in the heat, he pulls away then pats on your bed. Getting the hint, you climb onto your bed and wait for him. Turning over sits in front of you, drinking in the sight of you once again. There's lust in his eyes, yours too, but there's warmth behind the gaze.
Taking your left leg in his hand, he places a kiss on your ankle. The fire inside you burns brighter. Switching to your right leg, he does the same. There's hunger that radiates off him as he gets to your thigh and lands a big bite. He sucks at a spot close to where you ache for him the most. Pulling his hair in response, but he toys with you further and continues to bite and leave marks all over your thighs. He continues peppering kisses up along your body, maneuvering himself left and right, until he gets to your face where he places a soft kiss on your lips.
He reaches down to palm himself and the very real fact that the two of you are about to have sex, hits you.
"Wait, Hao," you say softly. He hums in response and you're trying to figure out how to ask for what you want without ruining the mood. In true fashion, Minghao senses your brain running wild and tilts your chin to look up at him.
"Where's your head at pretty?" He brushes your cheek with this thumb. Blushing is the name of the game and you have Olympic gold without even trying. Shyly you express that you haven't been with anyone in a while, which meant that you hadn't been on birth control. Your face is beet red as you're about to ask him for a condom, but he stops you in your tracks.
"Baby, you never have to feel weird about asking me to put on a condom," he murmurs as he presses a kiss to your forehead. He pulls back and looks straight into your eyes,
"Your comfort isn't optional. Ever."
He leans over to where he dropped his pants and fishes out a condom. He slips it on and returns to hover over you. Spreading your legs open with his knee, a sharp inhale comes from him when his eyes drop to your pussy, still glistening and pulsing from earlier. Reaching his hand down, he wraps his hand around himself and plays with your folds. Still sensitive from his fingers, you jump a bit at the contact. After a beat, he slides himself in with ease. Once he's bottomed out, you pull his face to yours to kiss him.
The two of you are a mix of groans as Minghao picks up the pace. One of his hands rolls a nipple in between his finger and thumb. The room feels hot, you feel sweat prickle at the base of your neck and the backs of your knees. Both of your hands are fisted into the sheets, toes curling at the height of pleasure he's bringing you to. You're begging him for more with your moans, you can feel your throat beginning to get sore.
When he suddenly slides out of you, you whimper at how empty you feel. The feeling only lasts for a second as he takes your left leg and throws it over his shoulder and sliding right back in. The new angle that he's fucking you with makes you dizzy with pleasure. Broken cries come out of your throat. His right hand grips your hip harshly as he pummels into you. Taking your left leg, he pulls it straight up by the calf and starts kissing your ankle again. The sensation sending fire straight to your core, prompting you to squeeze tightly around him. In reaction he lets out a low growl and nips at your ankle.
"Fuck Mingh-hao. Feels so good!" The room is filled with the noises of him slamming against your pussy and the chorus of your voices ringing out in pleasure. You know your neighbors are gonna hate you, but you quickly stop caring as Minghao continues rutting into you.
He moans against your calf in response, you feel the vibrations in your belly. The pace of his thrusts are starting to slow and you can feel that he's close. Arching your back off the bed, the angle is deeper and kisses the tip of your cervix. You know that you're gonna feel it tomorrow, but this was another thing that future you could worry about. This is Minghao's downfall as the new angle has you squeezing him tighter. Your second orgasm crashes over you and he catches the swell with the ease of a veteran surfer.
"Fu-fu-fuck, baby I'm cumming," he groans as he lets your leg go. You wrap both of your legs around his waist and cradle him as he collapses on top of you and spills into the condom. The two of you stay like this for a few moments, until Minghao slowly pulls out of you. Immediately feeling the sensitivity, you let out a small hiss as he slides out. He peppers your face with kisses to help as he slips the condom off.
After the two of you get cleaned up, you both lay under your sheets — legs tangled, your breaths matching each others, his hand drawing random shapes on your upper arm. The silence that falls over you two is comfortable, but there's something waiting to break the quiet.
"We did this totally backwards," Minghao giggles. You look up at him with wide eyes, a bit in shock with his choice of his words. Realizing that, he immediately presses a kiss to your nose to calm you.
"What I meant was that I would've at least liked to take you on a date first." It was Minghao's turn to blush. You giggle and place a soft kiss on his lips.
"We've never been the kind to go about things the typical way Hao," you quip. The smile he gives you makes your heart sing and swell. It's the type of smile that you'd spend the rest of your life preserving. The kind people fought wars for.
"That's true… In that case, wanna be my girlfriend?"
You hit his chest softly and he places his hand over yours. You kiss his hand and you know that he knows the answer to his question.
Yes.
It's a new week of work and you and Minghao walk into the building, hand in hand. Your favorite security guard makes no verbal mention of it when you walk past him, but you do not miss the giant grin plastered on his face as he hands the two of you your badges.
"You get up to anything fun this weekend?" The smugness incredibly evident on his face. You shrug, pretending to be absolutely aloof. In your periphery, you see the tips of Minghao's ears turn pink. Collecting your badges from Chan's hands, you nudge Minghao in the direction of the elevator. Once inside, you let out the laugh you'd been holding in, clutching your your sides. He looks at you like you've grown two heads. You wipe your tears and explain to him that Chan knew about the feelings you'd been harboring for the last five years.
"Chan was probably thinking 'Finally'." You shake your head, chuckling. As soon the two of you step off the elevator, you hear a shriek and suddenly you're pulled away from Minghao. You get wrapped into a tight hug by Hyeri, who sounds absolutely hysterical.
"Hi! What's this for? Don't get me wrong I quite love everything that is happening, but Ri you never hug me." She hits your arm, sniffling, warning you to not joke around.
The rest of the team surrounds you, thanking the heavens that you were alright. You and Minghao share the same questioning look. Your resident boy-genius fills you in by directing your eyes to the TV behind him. Your boss, Agent Choi Seungcheol is leading a press conference. Your eyebrows scrunch in even more confusion and then you read the byline at the bottom of the screen: "Caissa Networks sends clear message to the FBI". Hyeri finally lets you go, her eyes rimmed with red and damp. She continues scolding you for not answering any of her calls over the weekend. She rambles on about the fact that there was a threatening letter left on the doorstep of your boss' door with your name on it.
The bullpen is quiet until Dr. Jeon breaks the silence.
"What did happen to you this weekend?" You shake your head, shifting your eyes to Minghao. Neither of you talked about whether or not you were gonna tell everyone the second you came back to the office. You were both otherwise preoccupied. Before either of you can fumble through some awkward explanation, Seungcheol walks in, the poster boy for stoicism.
"Team meeting. 10 minutes," is all he says as he walks by. Like ducklings following their mother, the rest of the team tails behind him. Wonwoo narrows his eyes at the two of you before following suit. Silence falls between you and Minghao. You can hear the corners of his mouth turning up, ready to interrupt the quiet.
"So… You gonna tell the truth and say it was love at first sight?" The smugness is radiating off of him. You roll your eyes and mockingly tell him that he's not funny.
The smile on his face is annoyingly wide, but also dazzling. Not wanting to dignify him with a response, you turn on your heel and walk towards the conference room.
"C'moooon. It's a little bit funny!" He whispers into your ear.
"Pissing me off this early in the morning and in our relationship is not a smart move, Xu." You grumble quietly as you enter the conference room. Minghao's right behind you, sheepish grin as Seungcheol raises his brow at the two of you.
The rest of the meeting is spent trying to keep your focus as Minghao draws circles on your thigh underneath the table. You know it's his special way of apologizing and buttering you up. You make eye contact with Hyeri at some point and from across the table she mouths, "Girlfriend?!" referring to your comment from earlier. A look that says "I'll explain everything later" dances in your eyes and she returns a quick nod. There's a smile hidden behind your eyes, giddy at the memory of Minghao asking you to be his girlfriend.
a/n: this is my longest fic so far, this was such a labor of love and i am so excited to share it with everyone! this fic would not exist without the beautiful brains behind this collab: luna, rae and izzy — thank you for bringing everyone together and giving us new writers a space to feel comfy and welcomed.
to @livmarauder, @luvrung and @belovedgyu thank you for beta reading and helping this fic shine even brighter!
a special dedication to my 8stars always!
as always rbs are appreciated and rb's with your comments/tags are welcomed ♡
divider cred: @bunnytoppop
synopsis: at 27 years old you no longer had eligibility in the yearly season of courting. your only desire now was to get your younger sister married on her first season out this year. you never expected the loop that the choi family would throw your way with their youngest son hansol. he was perfect for your sister, yet why was he so intrigued by you?
pairing: viscount!vernon x f!reader
wc: — 17.7k
genre: regency era! au, bridgerton au
tags: angst, fluff, slow burn, bridgerton inspired, yearning, oh so much yearning, stubborn reader, lot of internal conflict w reader, mentions of anxiety, commitment issues, eldest sibling struggles, mentions of expectations/limitations on women in that era, title inaccurates for plot purposes, smut mdni!! masturbation, mutual masturbation (kinda?), implied inexperienced reader & vernon, virginity loss, praise, fingering, oral (f), unprotected sex (wrap it pls)
note: my part for the blockbusters collab is finally here! i’m so proud of this work and hopefully everyone loves our viscount hehe.. you can't have a bridgerton male lead without being a poet & i think vernon is so wise with his words hopefully that's portrayed accurately here. also take a wild guess what my fav season of bridgerton was and what this is kinda based upon??!! some stuff may be historically inaccurate (first/second son titles) for plot sake and un-british like cus im not, so sorry for that!
note #2: many thanks are underway. starting out, shoutout to luna ( @belovedgyu ), izzy ( @jakedustry ), and rae ( @nerdycheol ), for making this collab happen and supporting so many new/first time writers! your guidance the past few months has been amazing and i see how much everyone’s improved over time w all of your help. thank you @livmarauder, @jakedustry, and @cherrymayz for beta reading and being the first to see viscount vernon. another thanks to liv for making this wonderful banner, you’re truly so talented. lastly, thank you to everyone in this collab for your support!! i’m so grateful for all of you and watching everyone’s stories come to life has been awesome <3
dividers by @bronzewasp!
support the other blockbusters authors here !
The low rattle of the carriage typically helped lull you to sleep on the long journeys you've endured before. You watched from the small window as the greenery of the countryside passed by slowly. Your stomach was in knots, thoughts running wild preventing you from enjoying a peaceful nap.
A brief glance towards your sister eased the agony raging inside you. Her face was calm, chest rising slowly as her head rested on the shoulder of your cousin. You shared a look with her, a small smile on both your faces.
"She's ready you know. You don't have to stress so much." Your cousin says your name softly, a sigh leaving your lips.
"I understand that. It's my duty to be protective of her though. In my eyes I still see that 12 year old girl." Your sister was 19 now, a full adult and finally making her debut. She whined for two years that she was ready, but your family knew she needed to grow into herself more before searching for a suitor.
You were the eldest child, your brother Michael, was three years younger than you, and the youngest— Ana was eight years apart from you. Your mother passed when Ana was still young, instantly throwing you into a maternal role for your younger siblings.
When you were 18, you traveled from your kingdom of Ellerium with your father to England to make an official debut. You had no luck that season, and tried again the following year. You had managed to snag an engagement from a handsome and highly coveted Lord, excited to fulfill your dreams before he had called off the engagement abruptly. A princess was in town who had expressed her desire for your fiancée, leaving you in the dust.
You were crushed; you wore your heart on your sleeve but the experience of that season made you draw back. Your father and cousin did their best to comfort you, but the damage was done. You attempted one more time the following season when you were twenty, just to have foul luck once again. You returned to Ellerium that winter with a dull ache, and a shadow of the woman you were before.
The glitz and glam of the past three seasons had begun to add up and get pricey, your father having to travel more to pay off the debuts of your designer dresses. After three failures, you decided you struck out. You wouldn't cause your family any more trouble financially or physically. The journey from Ellerium to England was a three day trek one way. You swore you wouldn't go back until your sister was ready to make her debut.
Your father and cousin pushed you to try once more, but you already sealed your fate. Once you turned 23 your family stopped pushing. Most women in high society were married off by 21 or 22. If you were unwed by 25, you were deemed a certified spinster, which you had become for your family. You were 27 and content with your cat and helping your family. The yearn for something more always prodded at the back of your mind when you laid in bed at night, but for the sake of your sister you pushed the thoughts away. As long as she was happy, you were happy. At least that was what you told yourself.
The rolling hills began to turn into a familiar scene of villages, and the cottages owned by commoners who worked in the fields. The carriage veered off to the right, headed towards the city where all the members of The Ton resided. You leaned over and lightly shook your sister, knowing she would be fuming if she didn't catch a glimpse of the city coming in.
"Ana darling, time to get up. We're almost there." Her eyes slowly opened, a yawn and big stretch escaping as she turned towards the window. Her face shifted to one of awe, as it was her first time leaving the resides of Ellerium.
"Are you seeing this?" She turned back towards you smiling, drawing a soft grin from you. You were reminded of your first time in London and the excitement you felt upon first sight of the city.
"Take it all in my love." You felt all of her joy as she turns back out in disbelief, watching the markets and people stroll by.
The carriage made its way towards long rows of townhomes with intricate architectural designs and lined with grandiose gardens. It stops right in front of a beautiful red brick home with a white door and rows of hydrangeas along the walkway.
"I believe we are here! The Hong's have been expecting us!" Your cousin clasps her hands together loudly as the three of you file out of the carriage.
The front door swung open as a woman with a perfectly slicked bun and a kind smile came descending down the steps, a maid close behind her.
"Hello beautiful ladies! I am so ecstatic to have you here!" She exclaimed as you all gave a small curtsy, formally greeting your host for the season. "I am Lady Hong, You must be Ladies Ana and Y/N of Ellerium?" You extended a hand to her to which she held gently.
"That would be correct, Lady Hong. We cannot express our gratitude enough for letting us stay in your marvelous home for the season." You smiled brightly at her, your sister a ball of energy next to you as she could barely contain herself. You placed a hand at the small of her back to ground her, a reminder to control her emotions a bit. Your cousin exchanged a brief word with Lady Hong before giving her goodbyes to you and Ana.
"See you soon, cousin." She pulled back, a glint in her eyes as she looked at you. You knew she was thinking of how you might feel being back and unwed, but you give her a reassuring squeeze.
"Take care. I'll be back home before you know it and our baby girl will be betrothed, mark my words." She laughed, giving one final hug to your sister before returning into the carriage to make her journey back.
"Right this way ladies, let's take a tour shall we?" Mrs. Hong gestured for you to follow, her footman right behind carrying both of your bags.
The main foyer was stunning, larger than you expected from the outside as you and Ana toured the first floor, waving at the maids in the kitchen as you walk through. Upon entering the drawing room, you're taken back by the presence of two men. One— an older gentleman at the piano looking up from his note sheet; the other lifting his gaze from his book on the embroidered couch.
"Ana, Y/N, may I introduce you to my husband Lord Hong," the one at the piano gave a deep nod. "And my son, Joshua." The one at the couch closed his book, rising to give a bow to you and your sister. The two of you mimicked his actions, greeting one another formally.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Ladies. We are looking forward to being your generous hosts this season."
He smiled softly as you took a second to admire his features. Joshua was stunning, his hair swept back off his forehead, pretty eyes and a strong jawline. Pushing your selfish thoughts back, you wonder if he was eligible for your sister or not.
"We cannot express how grateful we are to be here Lord Joshua-"
"Please, just Joshua. I'm not big on titles." He shook his head, shocking you. Every man you've encountered in high society demanded their titles spoken every time they were addressed.
"Okay then, Joshua— I expect you to give me the best scoop on the suitors this season. I want only the best for my sister." Were you starting off strong? Possibly, but a man of his status— and looks, had to know what lords to stay far away from.
He gave a full belly laugh, not expecting your brazenness so soon.
"Alright, I'll be your guide to all things during this social season— and The Ton." He gleamed at the two of you, a hint of mischief in his eyes. He reminded you of your brother and you felt a sense of familiarity within the Hong household already.
"I'll let you two get settled into the home. Mother, I'm going to the lake with Hansol for a while, I'll be back before supper."
He rested a hand on his father's shoulder, giving his mom a kiss on the cheek and with a final bow towards you two, he headed out.
"Alright now, let's continue the tour. I'll show you your sleeping quarters."
After the tour of the estate, you and Ana got settled in the drawing room, chatting with Lord and Lady Hong while sipping tea. You were buzzing with excitement for Ana, ready for her to step out into The Ton and make her mark.
The day slips by with dinner approaching before you know it. The spread was divine, the maids working hard to prepare a special meal for the new guests.
"Oh heavens, now where is Joshua?" Mrs. Hong sighed, exasperated as Mr. Hong chuckled, pulling her seat out for her.
"You know that boy likes to come in right as we sit down. Give it another minute."
As if on cue, the sound of the front door opening and voices traveling in was a sure sign Joshua made it back just in time to eat.
"I'm home! I brought Hansol with me if that's okay?" He called from the foyer loudly.
"Always my dear, Hansol is always welcome in our home!"
You fought to keep your jaw off the floor as the two men stepped into the dining room, your sister going rigid next to you. You swore you've never seen a finer man walk in, his chocolate brown hair parted in the middle, light brown eyes scanning the room with a soft smile on his face.
"Who might we have here?" The man— Hansol, asked with a tilt of his head. You shoved an elbow into your sisters side as she made no effort to control her facial expressions. She blinked out of her haze and the two of you stood to give a curt bow.
"Lady Ana and Y/N of Ellerium, Sir." Your voice came out a pitch higher than you wished, your ears growing hot. Hansol gave a dip of his head in return.
"Lord Choi Hansol. Pleasure to meet you." His voice was deeper than you were expecting, yet his tone soft.
"Glad to have you join us for dinner, Hansol, your company is always a pleasure."
Lord Hong gestures for another place to be set for Joshua's friend who settled directly across from you. Your stomach did a flip as you appeared unfazed, pinching your sisters thigh to keep her from gawking at the handsome man across from you.
Dinner went along smoothly, the Hong family asking many questions about Ana and yourself. You tried to keep the focus on Ana, buttering her up in front of the two males in case they were interested. Hansol watched carefully, only commenting when necessary or if you asked something about him. Ana was timid, though you knew everything you asked she already was questioning as well.
"So your brother is an Earl?" Ana grew the courage to ask herself, a hint of a smile tugging on your lips. Hansol nodded, dabbing his lips with a napkin.
"Yes, Seungcheol is the head of our house now. As the second oldest son the Viscount title was passed to me." A soft 'ah' leaves both your lips as you listened to his family lineage.
"And has he found his Countess?"
You raised an eyebrow, Hansol's expression quickly matching yours.
"Are you asking for yourself?"
You scoffed.
"Absolutely not, the only one looking for a suitor is my darling Ana here." He hummed an acknowledgment, slowly sipping his wine.
"Unfortunate news to bear, but my brother has found his Countess already."
"What of yourself, Viscount?" You tilted your head, Ana's eyes on you now. She hated when you were brazen, especially knowing she was more on the shyer side.
"Ah, I had a feeling this was coming." He chuckled, Joshua smirking and clearly amused next to him. "No, I have not wed yet. I just got back from my travels across Europe this March."
You were highly intrigued by him. His travels across the globe, his intellectual way of thinking and striking looks made him the total package. Plus him being a Viscount meant a higher title in society. As much as you felt your heart call out for him, you knew he would be a perfect match for Ana to betroth.
"Interesting.. Perhaps you and Ana should get to know each other sometime." You pushed, a smug smile on your face. Hansol stares blankly, slowly nodding with a brief glance towards Ana.
"Perhaps."
His tone was flat, like a punchline missed. Maybe he was a tough case to crack—you didn't mind a challenge.
Dinner concluded with Joshua and Hansol disappearing into the drawing room as you and Ana sat and talked with the Hong's for a while after the dishes had been cleared. They appeared shortly after, Hansol claiming he had to get back to his mother and giving his goodbyes.
"Nice meeting you Lady Y/N, Ana." He gave a soft smile, taking your hand and planting a kiss on the back of it. He repeated the action with Ana, her face going hot from the contact. "I'll be around. If Joshua isn't there to be a guide, I'll be glad to step in." He looked you up and down once more before slipping out the door.
The brief interaction had your stomach in knots, the feel of a man's lips even brushing your hand had your knees wobbling. You felt it was going to be a long season if Hansol kept slinking around.
As you winded down for the night, brushing Ana's hair and wrapping it up, she rambled on about the day's events.
"Oh god Lord— Viscount— Hansol was so handsome. Did you see the way he looked at me?!" She sighed dreamily, twirling on a loose strand you hadn't wrapped up yet.
"It's just Lord, Ana, and he surely is a nice sight on the eyes." You agreed, mind wandering back to his playful gaze and how warm you felt under it.
He seemed to linger on you which you despised. You wanted your sister to be the center of attention, not you. Even if a small voice at the back of your mind yearned to be desired still, the way it did when you were eighteen. Your mission was Ana, not yourself.
You went to bed with Ana rambling for twenty minutes after the light went out, over the first ball of the season in two days. She left your mind racing knowing tomorrow you would be going to get alterations on her gown in the morning. Mrs. Hong insisted you find something for yourself, promising you had to look as equally marvelous. You wondered if she pitied you, wanting you to at least go out and feel pretty despite the circumstances.
The next day was busy, with Lady Hong waking you and Ana up early.
"I apologize girls, however if we don't leave before 7am, the line will be wrapped around the corner! I swear Jihyo is the best seamstress in the city!" She bustled about the room, swinging the curtains open to allow the rising sunlight in.
The click of hooves on the pavement rung out as the three of you made your way further into the city. You stopped in front of a white building, mannequins lining the glass windows modeling the most spectacular gowns you've ever seen.
"Mademoiselle Park's boutique will stun you, come on girls we have a long day of fittings ahead!"
Lady Hong stepped out the carriage, offering a hand to Ana as you went out the other way. Opening the doors to the boutique, a bell chimed alerting the owner of new arrivals as a pretty woman with long black hair rounded the corner.
"Ah, Lady Hong it's always a pleasure to see you!" She smiled brightly. "Who might these two debutons be?"
Your time to be a debuton was long behind you, you quietly thought. You had hope for Ana, your sister was stunning and well mannered.
"These two gorgeous girls are the Ladies of Ellerium!" She introduced you by first and last name, the owner Jihyo giving a low bow in greeting.
"Welcome, Ladies of Ellerium. Please take your time. I have quite the selection!" She followed Ana around, complimenting gowns that went well with her skin tone and hair color.
"Y/N, are you going to even have a look?" Ana turned back to you.
"No, darling. I'm looking for you over here."
"Sister, you have to find something. Maybe there's a Lord who likes his ladies a little… older…" You shoot a glare at your sister, a devious smirk playing on her face.
"I'm sorry, how old are you?" Jihyo asked with a head tilt.
"I'm twenty seven, too old to be this seasons diamond I fear." You scoffed, turning back to the overwhelming rack of gowns.
"Oh dear, I would've thought you were no older than twenty." Jihyo placed a hand over her chest with a pout and you felt a spark of rage simmer in your gut.
Why does everyone pity you? Why must a woman have to be married to have any worth in this society?
"Well your sister is right, find something pretty for yourself. Many Lords wait a long time to get married! Oh- looks like Ana may have found something, come here!" Lady Hong gasped, gathering your attention.
You turned to the pale blue gown made of satin, intricate swirls of pearls along the whole dress. The neckline was low, and if altered right, would fit her body perfectly.
"You would look ravishing in that Ana!" You exclaimed, sharing a giddy look with your sibling. She tried on the gown and sighed in awe at herself in the mirror across from her. Jihyo got to work, tailoring the way Ana desired. You smiled contentedly watching her reflection in front of you. You saw glimpses of yourself in her, and silently prayed she would find better than you ever did.
You felt a tap on your shoulder and turned to see Mrs. Hong with a stunning burgundy gown in her arms.
"Dear, I think you should try this one on. You'll look fierce." She handed off the delicate article of clothing as you insisted you couldn't.
"I can't possibly wear this…"
"Stop fussing and try it on!" Your sister made eye contact in the mirror with you, her gaze serious.
You huffed in defeat, shuffling towards the available curtain to undress behind.
"I'll be over to help you in a moment darling!" Jihyo called, her figure hunched over as she hemmed Ana's dress.
You undress from your simple green gown and stepped into the eye-catching burgundy gown. You just barely pull your arms through when Jihyo's voice is directly behind the curtain, asking to come in.
She slid the curtain open and gasped, eyes glowing. "My dear you look stunning. This dress is quite perfectly made for you!"
Her words brought a timid smile to your face, not expecting such a positive reaction. You didn't lack confidence necessarily; you knew you were beautiful. Years of being looked down upon by your family had warped your perception a bit— you just needed a little validation again.
"Here, let me fix you up and we can see what needs to be tailored from there." Jihyo's soft hands found the hooks and closed up the dress.
You gave a mixture of laugh and a sound of excitement at the sight in front you.
The dress hugged you perfectly, flowing out at your hips, past your feet. The neckline was scooped and not too low, making you look modest but sultry.
"Show your sister! She's going to love it!"
"I'm waiting!" Your younger sibling wasted no time to call for you, impatience in her voice.
When you stepped out, you watched both Ana and Mrs. Hong's mouths drop open.
"Well didn't I say you would look ravishing! I did not lie." Mrs. Hong circled around you, inspecting the details of the gown with a nod.
"You look wonderful, sister." Ana's voice was soft, her gaze kind.
She hoped you would still somehow find your own suitor, wanting nothing more than to see you happy as well.
"Thank you, Ana." You smiled softly at her. "I'm only wearing this for you, Lady Hong."
"I already added it to our family's tab so I would hope so!" You laughed at her in utter shock.
"Mrs. Hong!"
"I told you— an arrival gift for our beloved guests."
Jihyo finished up Ana's dress before making some minor tweaks on your otherwise perfect gown.
The three of you exited the boutique, expressing your thanks and gratitude towards Jihyo before heading back to your carriage. It was already mid-day, the dress hunt and tailoring taking up the whole morning and early afternoon. You were starving and willing to eat anything that was in front of you.
"I'm famished!" Ana sighed, expressing your thoughts with a toss of her head against the cushioned wall.
"As expected. Our head maid, Wanda will have cooked up something wonderful for us by now."
Walking into the doors of the Hong residence, the last thing you expected to see was Joshua running around shouting. You also absolutely did not expect to see Hansol crouched on top of a chair, face pale with a contorted expression upon his face.
"Hong Joshua, what in the world is going on!"
"Mother! A rodent made its way in our home!"
"Oh for goodness sake." She sighed, placing the boxes from the boutique into a maids arms. She was ready to ask Joshua where they last saw it when Ana let out a shriek, spotting the creature and running towards the chairs Hansol was hiding at.
"Oh shit!" You heard something crash and Joshua yelped, a broom in his hand as the mouse terrorizing the house rounded the corner.
"Joshua, give me the damn broom!" You shouted at the grown man running in circles from the mouse. He tossed it and you caught it with a slight fumble, swinging the door open, trying to attract the mouse.
"Shoo! Shoo!" You swatted the broom at the creature, watching it scurry out the house before slamming the door shut.
You glanced at everyone in the room. Joshua was huffing from doing a whole lot of nothing, chasing the rodent. Ana watched, perched on a chair directly across from Hansol, who's eyes were comedically wide. Mrs. Hong was unmoved, sharing an unamused look with you. Bunch of cowards.
"Lord Hansol, you're telling me all your travels across the globe and you let a rat get the best of you?"
You raised an eyebrow at him, a playful smirk spreading across his face.
"Never had to fight off rodents on the beaches of Portugal."
You groaned, the head maid taking the broom out of your hands with a smile. If Hansol couldn't even handle getting a mouse out of the home, how could you marry your sister off to him. Who was going to kill the bugs in that relationship?
"Unbelievable."
Hansol hopped off the chair, dusting his trousers off. He offered a hand to Ana, helping her down and sharing an amused look together.
"Sister would always get rid of the animals that found their way into our house. A squirrel was not safe around her." Ana joked, your eyes wandering between the two with a small shrug.
"Our house isn't in the city, someone had to take the role up." You stated simply; the others watching you curiously.
"Exactly as a big sister should!"
"Sure… More like Michael is a wuss." Hansol chuckled, learning about your younger brother over dinner last night.
"I don't blame him."
Your gaze shifted towards him, watching his struggle to keep a straight face.
"You're unbelievable, Choi Hansol."
"Hey! What happened to 'Lord Hansol?'" He teased, your eyes rolling hard.
"I'm going to the drawing room, the maids brought out some sandwiches. That is where you'll converse with Ana." You turned towards your sister, gesturing for her to follow you to the public room.
"Sounds like I don't have much of a choice?"
"Well of course not, my Lord."
You quietly chatted with Joshua as the two of you munched on the finger foods placed in the drawing room. You found yourself straining to hear Ana and Hansol's conversation on the couch farther down the room. Your gaze fell in their direction often, wondering if they were making any headway. Joshua noticed this, from the way you zoned out and stopped responding to him multiple times.
"You should go over there and sit with them at this point."
You glared at him, a bright smile across his face before he took a bite of pastry.
"Can a sibling not be concerned?"
"You should only be concerned with the man if he is actually interested." Joshua makes eye contact with you, confusion written all over your face. "Hansol has been adamant on remaining single. Said the right one for him won't be apart of The Ton, and if they are, he would have to fall for someone… unconventional…"
You swallowed hard, gaze shifting towards your feet momentarily. An unrecognizable feeling brewed inside your stomach upon his words.
"Well Ana is a bit unconv-"
"No, she's not. Not by Hansol standards."
"Then what would be his standard then if not my sister?" Tilting his head slightly, his gaze softened.
"You."
"Joshua, you can't just say unrealistic things like that!" You kept your voice low, yet alarmed. He couldn't be spewing that with the man in question a few feet away.
"Unrealistic? You've known him for a day, I've known him my whole life. Trust me when I say it was you who took his breath away at first sight, not Ana."
His revelation was like a punch to the gut, knowing how hard you were working to get your sister betrothed as soon as possible. Joshua didn't know what he was talking about, there was no way Hansol desired you. He was a tough case to crack, and you were going to do so for you sister's case— not your own.
You casted a glance in their direction once again, finding Hansol's sharp eyes already on you. A chill ran over you as you averted your gaze, turning back to Joshua.
The intensity of his gaze alone had your stomach flipping, and your heart racing.
Perhaps if you were meaner to him, whatever attraction Joshua claimed was there would dissipate.
You were the wrong sister to choose, and he would have to see that.
The bustle of the Hong estate the next day was exciting; maids and footmen moving around as the family prepared for the first ball of the season that night.
You were ecstatic to present your sister, knowing the queen herself would be in attendance. All of the ladies had a big impression to make, and Mrs. Hong apparently had a great connection with the queen.
"Trust me darling, the queen and I go way back." She exclaimed as your designated maids busied themselves fixing up your hair and makeup. "I'll have a proper introduction lined up for Ana." Mrs. Hong winked at your sister, her face lighting up over the thought of meeting the queen herself.
"That's wonderful, Lady Hong! I cannot thank you enough!" She squealed, clasping her hands together from uncontainable joy.
You spent what felt like all day prepping for the ball, Ana complaining her neck ached after being in the chair for hours. The final product was jaw-dropping; you nearly teared up at the sight of her.
She looked elegant, yet refreshing— holding herself with a womanly poise.
"Wow sister, you look stunning."
"You can't be one to talk! This burgundy looks gorgeous on you!" You gave a small spin, not used to the glam you've stayed away from for seven years.
"Thank you my dear. Now, let's go find you a husband."
The first ball was hosted by the Lee's, a very prominent and influential family in the Ton. They had a mansion farther out from the city, used mostly for social gatherings.
Your jaw dropped as the sight of the castle-like home came into view, already lined up with carriages along the main walkway.
"The Lee's surely know how to host. Their oldest, Jihoon, was married a few years back but the two youngest sons are eligible currently! Ana, I will speak very highly of you to them and introduce you myself!" Mrs. Hong was excited, sharing with you prior to leaving she had yearned for a second child— a daughter. By hosting Ana and yourself, she could finally experience what other mothers of The Ton did with their daughters.
"Oh! I can't forget about you as well Y/N, there will be plenty of suitors there," You opened your mouth to speak before she raised a hand, stopping you before you began. "I know, I know, you're not interested but don't give up completely dear. I got engaged at twenty six."
You were glad she had found her love match later on, but you knew the story wasn't the same for you. You gave up a long time ago and decided upon that. You weren't going to turn her down, but your heart was out of the game a while ago.
"I'm almost thirty and still am unwed!" Joshua butted in, earning a side eye from you and an eye roll from his father.
"Things are different for us, Joshua. You could get married at fifty and it would be acceptable."
"My apologies, just wanted to be relatable…" You laughed at him, appreciative of his efforts.
Your group made it inside, Ana barely containing her excitement at the grand entryway, and the stunning attire all around.
"I'll be back, I'm off to find the Lee sons! Joshua watch over them!" Mrs. Hong stepped off, dragging her husband along with her.
"Alright ladies, Lord Joshua at your service. Let's get some introductions rolling."
After weaving through the crowds and bowing at recognizable faces, he finally lead you to the main floor, snatching up three glasses of champagne.
"Better vantage point here, ah, do you see the man with glasses straight ahead?" Joshua tilted his champagne glass in said direction, granting a nod of acknowledgment from both you and Ana.
"That is Lord Jeon Wonwoo. Certainly a piece of eye candy. He's a true gentleman and his family has connections to the royal family of Korea. He's the slightest bit weird, and a little quiet. If you can get past that— or that's your type, then he's a perfect candidate!"
You hummed, slowly sipping your champagne. You take note of Lord Wonwoo, ranking him high on your list for Ana.
"Oh! Who is that?" Ana's voice caught your attention as you turned to see a taller man with bleached blonde hair to his nape and a small crowd around him.
"That, my dear, is Duke of Shenzhen— Wen Junhui. Only in town for a few weeks in search of his Duchess before he leaves back to China. Tough competition though…"
"China is too far for me, I need to be able to visit often."
"If it gets you married to a Duke, you could go to Australia for all I care Ana." She whined at this, ready to bicker before you catch Mrs. Hong making her way towards the three of you. The broad shouldered man accompanying her could only be what you assumed, one of the Lee sons.
"Ah! There she is! This is Lord Lee Chan, the youngest of the bunch. Lord Chan, may I introduce you to Lady Ana of Ellerium?" The two shook hands and formally dipped into a curtsy and bow.
"Lady Ana, you look marvelous, quite literally stole my breath away!" She smiled shyly. "Who might you be?" He turned to you with a bow that you return.
"I'm her older sister, just here to support her debut season." You softly gave your name and title with a kind smile. Chan looked you up and down, a smirk forming.
"You need to meet my cousin, you seem just like his type-"
"Ah Chan, we should let you and Ana get acquainted!" Joshua cuts in, signaling for you and his mother to make an exit.
"Yes, that sounds perfect. Pleasure meeting you, Lord Chan." You gave a final curtsy, meeting your sister's eyes with a silent message— 'you got this.'
The three of you scurried off, Mrs. Hong disappearing once again to make her rounds. You and Joshua settled near a corner, on your second glasses of champagne when Chan's comment resurfaced in your mind.
"Do you know who Lord Chan's cousin may be?"
He glanced at you, taking a sip of the bubbly drink.
"Mmm not sure who he was referencing. The Lee's family tree is insanely big."
Something in you told you he was lying but you brushed it off for now, watching Ana and Chan make their way onto the floor to dance.
You scanned the ballroom, searching for other potential suitors when your eyes landed upon a familiar figure. Hansol was on the other side of the floor, dressed in a navy blue suit as he chatted with another broader man. The more you looked, you saw they had the same crest woven on their jacket pockets and it clicked; that was his brother Seungcheol.
You watched his eyes roam the dance floor, as if he was searching for someone before he finds you. His gaze was heavy, a single eyebrow going up upon contact. He whispered something to Seungcheol, excusing himself, as he made his way towards you and Joshua along the edge of the crowd.
"Should've known I'd find you here standing in a corner." Hansol joked.
You felt his eyes drift over you, drinking up the sight of you in the intricate gown. His staring was nothing short of shameless, his expression blank yet carrying a weight behind his eyes you couldn't place. You felt your face grow hot, opting to sip the bubbly drink to hide the growing flush of your cheeks.
"You know these things aren't my cup of tea. And Lady Y/N here is trying to avoid any and all male attention." Joshua poked fun at you, a sinister grin on his face matching Hansol's.
"Any attention warranted to me can certainly be directed towards Ana. Speaking of, she seems to be hitting it off with Lord Chan, no?" You tilted your head towards the pair moving swiftly across the floor.
"Channie has always been a great man, if he wants to pursue Ana they would be a wonderful couple." Hansol's nickname for Chan caught you off guard. They must've been closer friends than you thought.
"My lady, would you be interested in a dance?" Hansol questioned, his head tilting.
"Oh no, I don't dance my Lord."
"A Lady of your status most certainly knows how to." He pushed back, his expression remaining unreadable, though the playfulness was present in his tone.
"I don't know, Lord Hansol-"
"Please, I beg of you to drop the formalities. Just Hansol." You gulped, feeling Joshua's gaze tear back and forth between the two of you.
"Just one dance, I promise to bring you back to Joshua in one piece." A hint of a smile twitched along the corner of his lip as he stared down at you.
You sighed deeply, nodding in agreement as you felt like your heart was betraying your mind.
He grabbed your flute and handed it to Joshua, gently taking your hand to guide you towards the edge of the dance floor. You step into formation with his strong hand in between yours, the other resting high on your waist. You danced in silence for a while, avoiding any eye contact while you focused on the drag of the music and keeping your feet coordinated.
"Why are you so adamant on remaining unwed?" Hansol broke the silence first, his directness nearly making you stumble over your own feet.
"Why does it matter? I'm past the age most women get married. I'm happy as long as my sister is happy." You bit your tongue, knowing the rehearsed answer you typically gave fell flat. He hummed in response, barely heard over the strum of the violins.
"That didn't sound very convincing. Plenty of women still get married at your age. My mother married my father when she was 32." You glanced up at him, his gaze soft and holding your own carefully.
"That makes you and Seungcheol half siblings right?" You questioned, Hansol giving a curt nod.
"Yes, but that's irrelevant right now. I'm talking about you. You deserve a shot at happiness as well." He spoke your name quietly, spinning you in sync with the music.
Your stomach was in knots, the proximity to him and his utterances making your mind grow fuzzy. His words rattled in the back of your mind as you grew silent, swaying with the music. You knew you deserved to be happy, but the thought of your family covering two weddings within a short time frame made you uneasy. If anyone should receive that blessing, it should be your sister.
The song finished, signaling the end of your dance with Hansol. You curtsy as he gave a deep bow, leading you back towards Joshua in the corner.
"Thank you. For dancing even if it was for a few minutes. You need to loosen up more." He stated simply, snatching a champagne flute off a tray and bidding a farewell, off to search for his brother once more.
Hansol was plaguing your mind the more time you spent with him and Joshua's convictions the day before reappeared in your thoughts. You had to shake off the feeling he left— and fast.
"Ana has been having quite the night if I say so." Joshua commented, snapping you back to reality as you scanned the crowd to find your sibling.
"Is that so?"
"Mmm, she's currently talking to the second oldest son of the Lee's— Lee Seokmin." He tilted your head towards your sister, catching her in deep conversation with a tall man with a bright smile.
"Good. Put in a word with one of the Lee boys to come visit her."
"Always working are we?" He joked as you fixated on the sight in front of you.
"You said you'd help us this season, Joshua. I expect that includes with the men in your circles as well." You turned towards him with a cheerful smile. You always got what you wanted when it came to your siblings.
"Of course, my Lady."
The first ball was a success, Ana boasting the rest of the night about all the suitors she had danced with, and her first encounter with the queen herself. You were introduced to her as well, keeping your poise in front of the most respected and feared woman in London.
The following days lead to a slow trickle of men of different statuses making way into the Hong residence, eager to make conversation with Ana. You were ecstatic, watching each interaction carefully in the corner of the drawing room. Mrs. Hong or Joshua was always by your side, critiquing the candidates with hushed voices.
Hansol was a frequent visitor, snatching Joshua away from the home, or staying and making conversation with everyone. You were watching intrigued one day as Hansol shared his notebook with you, going over the details of his travels. Ana was deep in conversation with Chan, though you knew she wanted to speak to Hansol as well.
"Hansol, why don't you stay and chat with Ana after Lord Chan leaves?"
His hand hovered above the notebook, his eyes widening in the slightest as if he wasn't expecting what you said.
"I'm alright here actually."
"She's very interested in you Hansol-"
"Chan has a great chance with her. I'll converse for your sake— as a friend, but I don't have romantic intentions with her."
You sighed, feeling like you were talking to a brick wall.
"What will it take to pursue her?"
It was Hansol's turn to sigh, his eyes closing briefly in exasperation.
"I've told you before, I have no intentions of marriage. It would have to truly be a love match by the grace of God."
"Would you hate me if I kept trying?" You asked, expecting him to snap. Hansol was unmoved, shaking his head.
"No, I couldn't ever hate you. But your efforts are troublesome for yourself. Focus on Lord Chan, or even Lord Seokmin, for your sister. Not me."
As much as you silently pleaded with him, you knew it was falling upon deaf ears. Hansol had made his decision a long time ago, unsatisfied with the hand full of options within the Ton that shamelessly threw themselves all over him. Simply for his looks and his title, hoping to become the next Vicountess. He hated it, knowing those were two of the things he cared the least about.
A few weeks later you were out for a stroll with Ana along the lake by the edge of town, watching families of the Ton out on the sunny day.
"How's progress been with Lord Jeon?" You held your hands clasped tightly, your deep purple dress feeling heavy in the summer heat.
"He's been okay, he's just so quiet. I'm quiet myself so the conversation always turns awkward…" She huffed, kicking a pebble in frustration. "I wish Lord Choi would be more receptive… he's always stoic around me."
You felt your gut twist up, knowing Hansol's words to you a few weeks prior. Not to mention, he tended to act the complete opposite around you. You felt uncomfortably guilty, even though you hadn't done anything wrong.
"I'm working on that Lord Choi now… What about Lord Lee?"
"Which one?"
"Ah, both Lee brothers have been pursuing you? You're the hottest Lady out this season I see!" She laughed at you, bumping her hip into yours.
"Lord Seokmin has talked to me a few times, but the real chase has been Lord Chan. That one… my word he is persistent."
"Speak of the devil…" You mumbled, catching sight of four figures approaching you on the trail ahead. The set of Lee and Choi brothers made their way towards you and Ana, stopping short to allow the two of you to curtsy in greeting.
"What a coincidence seeing you two out here!" Lord Seokmin stated cheerfully, his eyes crinkling with a smile.
"Pleasure seeing you again, Lord Seokmin." You smiled softly at him.
You caught Chan staring at Ana and gestured quickly with your head for him to talk to her.
"Lady Ana, would you mind joining me on a stroll?" He asked, your sister turning towards you for approval. You looked at her, your face reading 'don't look at me!' as she turned back and agreed. The pair wandered off down the trail as you continued to walk with the remaining three men, not far behind.
"Our cousin happens to be very interested in your sister. I wouldn't be surprised if a wedding was called for by the winter time." Seungcheol spoke, your head turning in confusion.
"Wait, cousin? Who's your cousin?" Your head whipped back and forth between the three, trying to place who they were talking about.
"Seungcheol and I are related to Chan and Seokmin. They're our cousins." Hansol quietly shared, as your mouth fell open in an 'o' shape.
"Small world? I had no idea you were cousins!"
"Doesn't take long to notice once you hear Chan speak for longer than twenty minutes." Seokmin added, the group chucking at his comment.
"So, Y/N. Hansol told me you were unwed?" Seungcheol asked, hands in his pockets as you trained your gaze towards the ground.
"It seems to be a hot topic for everyone…" You huffed in annoyance, tired of your status being discussed. "I am, and I happen to be very content with my cat. And taking care of my family."
Seungcheol hummed while Seokmin looked at you in disbelief, Hansol staying quiet.
"I can't believe a woman as beautiful and well carried as yourself hasn't found her husband! You're still young, don't count yourself out!" Seokmin met your gaze, trying to express his shock to the fullest.
"It's okay, every family needs their spinster right?" You joked, hands toying with the lace along your dress.
"Hey, if nobody snatches you up by the end of the season… You know where to find me." Seokmin says your name with a wink, causing your cheeks to grow hot.
Seungcheol laughed in amusement, playfully shoving his cousin.
Nobody caught the way Hansol's jaw ticked, his usually calm exterior slipping momentarily.
Prior to the next biggest ball of the season; you, Ana, and Mrs. Hong found your way to Jihyo's shop once more. Ana was being fitted into a shimmering pale pink gown, as you held the box your new gown resided in. Mrs. Hong swore it was her duty to splurge in you— both of you, as your host.
"You know, Lord Chan mentioned he liked me in pale colors." Ana looked smug in the mirror as you made a face back at her.
"Oh? You care what Lord Chan likes on you now huh?" You teased, sharing a playful look with Mrs. Hong.
"Well… I've given up on Lord Hansol. He's icing me out." The unnerving feeling resurfaced in your gut at the mention of his name. "At least Lord Chan makes an effort for me. I don't want to chase a man."
"I raised you right my dear." You nodded at her proclamation, glad she felt a sense of self worth in a society that thrived off male attention.
"If I didn't know better sister, I'd think he might be interested in someone else?" Her tone was questioning, and you felt as if she was accusing you of something.
"What do you mean, Ana?"
"I notice things… He seems to like talking to you… A lot."
"That's nonsense, he talks to me as if I'm another Joshua." You huffed, feeling her eyes lingering on you through the mirror.
"I'm not mad, Y/N, just be honest if you have feelings or not so I know. I don't want to be blindsided." You couldn't explain the feeling brewing inside you other than simply— awful.
You couldn't even give her a direct answer because you didn't know the truth yourself. You were at war with your emotions at all times, thoughts of Hansol filling your mind when you least expected it. You didn't want to hurt your sister, and you needed to regulate your feelings as soon as possible.
"I don't have feelings for him." You swallowed down the lump in your throat, praying the way your voice shook didn't give you away. You felt three pairs of eyes on you, making your unease grow.
"Alright… "
You were on edge the rest of the day, thankful Hansol decided to stay away from the Hong residence for the day. You couldn't face him right now.
As the maids worked to make you and Ana stunning for the ball, you found yourself forcing conversation with your sister and the maids to keep your mind off your troubles.
A particularly hard tug of your hair had your maid apologizing, you waving her off promising it didn't hurt. She worked to weave your hair into a braided crown, leaving framing curled pieces out. Your makeup was soft, yet a pop of eyeliner on the waterline was used to make your eyes stand out. Your dress was a low cut azure blue shade, lined with intricate lacing. The gown you sported tonight had to be the most beautiful one you've ever worn, your confidence skyrocketing.
"Oh sister, your Lord Hansol will be in shambles upon seeing you!" Ana teased next to you, her bright cheeks and pale pink dress contrasting your darker makeup and dress.
"Quit that, he's not my anything." You crossed your arms over your chest, her teasing getting the best of you.
She smirked, her eyes glimmering with mischief as she grabbed your hand to descend down the steps.
"Tell that to him! Joshua was telling me that Lord Hansol had his eyes set on a woman finally, but wouldn't tell him who. I'd bet 5 pounds it's you, sister."
"I doubt it, I'm too old."
"You're a year younger than him!" Ana sighed as the two of you exited the house, your heels echoing on the marble floors.
The Hong family gave the two of you generous compliments the whole ride to the residence, Joshua fanning himself for dramatic effect.
"Lady Y/N, you might be betrothed by the fall if you keep looking like that." He teased, his eyes skimming along you with a burning heat.
"Joshua, you're too much of a tease." You rolled your eyes, ignoring the prickle of your skin from his compliments. While he was your friend and host, he still was an unwed, attractive and highly coveted man within The Ton. You had to keep an eye on that one now…
The ball was hosted by the Yoon family, their residence being amongst one of the biggest within the city. Most balls were held in families second homes, either along the edge of the city or within the countryside. The Yoon family had so much wealth, their home was rivaled only to the royals.
"You're telling me this is their main home?" Ana watched the mansion fall into line of sight, Mr. Hong chuckling at her reaction.
"The Yoon's have been the most loyal family to the royals for centuries. Most of this wealth comes from their dedication to the crown." He explained.
"So tell me… do they have any bachelor sons..? I'll take a cousin as well." The carriage exploded with laughter at Ana's antics, her grin wide as you leaned into her with a giggle.
"Well, their only son Jeonghan, was married two seasons ago. I believe one of the cousins, Yoon Keeho is still unwed. You'll have fierce competition though, every mama in The Ton will be working overtime tonight to get him to look at their daughters." Mrs. Hong added, her champagne color dress sparkling under the street lights leaking into the carriage.
"Y/N, Mr. and Mrs. Hong, Joshua. If you find Lord Keeho for me, you'll be given front row seats to our weddding."
"I'm your sister, I better get a front row seat!" You smacked at her arm, giggling at your baby sister.
The carriage stopped in the long cobblestone road, the line of carriages extending far. Mr. Hong ushered everyone out, promising it would take another hour to reach the front.
"Xavier will find us after, let's get in while we can." He offered a hand to help you out, your heels clicking along the cobblestone as the group made its way to the entrance.
Inside the mansion was lively, hundreds of people swarming around the busy mansion. Bouquets of flowers bigger than you've ever seen were elaborately arranged, desserts and other finger foods stacked high on wracks all around. You were barely inside for a minute before everything started to overwhelm you.
"Oh! There's the Lee brothers! Let's make haste!" Ana announced, grabbing your hand to drag you towards the sibling pair. You tossed your head back, eyes pleading with Joshua as he laughed, shoulders going up in a shrug.
"Glad to see some familiar faces. How are the Ellerium Ladies doing tonight?!" Seokmin exclaimed, kissing the backs of both of your hands softly, Chan bowing in greeting.
"I've got to say, this is the most expensive looking home I've ever been in!" Ana joked, the two brothers laughing.
"The Yoon's know how to do it big!" Chan nodded in agreement. "Would you ladies like to join us for a dance?" He asked, his eyes landing on you, a silent way to ask for permission to steal your sister away.
"That would be marvelous, let's go!" You agreed, watching Ana instantly reach for Chan and make their way towards the center. A hand rested along your back gently, Seokmin guiding you with silent and gentle authority.
You wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, his hands barely hovering around your waist. The two of you gently swayed to the string symphony in the background, Seokmin dancing effortlessly alongside you.
"How's the season been for you?" You inquired, wondering if he had any serious prospects.
"Overwhelming. Boring. A bit of everything, I fear the social season will have worn me out come the fall." He chuckled.
"Too many Ladies to choose from?" You tilted your head, Seokmin shaking his own briefly.
"No, No. Not enough of the right ones."
"I'm sure there will be a wonderful Lady out there for you, my Lord. You're so kind it would be impossible not to." You commented as he removed his hand from your waist, giving you a twirl.
"Thank you, darling. You're right, maybe she's right in front of me?" His eyebrow went up, a soft smile upon his face. Your stomach churned, anxiety settling deep in your gut.
You didn't know how to handle all the sudden attraction from the different men. You thought after seven years, you would be past any potential feelings when the season came around. You weren't blind, you knew if you came with Ana that someone would try getting to know you. You just weren't ready for the commitment, having grown so comfortable on your own for years.
"I'll have to get back to you on that one, Lord Seokmin." You forced a smile as the song crescendo's to an end. You gave a quick bow, turning on your heels to find an escape. The air was turning suffocating as his implications swirled in your head. You heard him call your name as you pushed through the crowd, desperate to leave.
You spotted the glass door to the garden and sighed in relief, pushing through the doors with ferocity. The night air was refreshing, taking in gulps of air in attempt to settle your nerves. You walked further into the greenery, your breaths shaky as you found a bench to hide out at.
You kept your eyes closed, inhaling deep breaths to steady yourself. Seokmin couldn't be serious? What was it about you that drew their attention?
You heard a twig snap, startling you. Your eyes flew open and you whipped your head towards the sound, spotting a figure approaching you in the dark.
"Are you doing okay?" A familiar voice called out, Hansol's figure becoming visible under the twinkle of the floating candles in the garden.
"Wasn't expecting anyone out here, and most certainly not you…" The main source of your issues was standing in front of you, his expression blank yet the slightest turn of his head showed he was confused.
"Am I allowed to sit or are you going to bite my head off?" You huffed out a laugh, scooting over to allow him space. He settled quietly next to you, his eyes trained on the lilies in front of him.
"To answer you— no, I'm not doing okay." You sighed, pressing your palm to your forehead. Hansol turned, silently waiting for you to continue. "I don't deserve any of this attention." You barely mumbled out. If Hansol wasn't directly next to you, you doubt he would've heard. "I came here for my sister— just for my sister. I didn't ask to be pursued."
"Why do you feel so strongly about this? You don't want to give love a chance?" You laughed, the words rich coming from him.
"You're asking me when you're the one who's sworn off marriage. When you have women flaunting over you every day, Hansol." He opened his mouth to speak before you cut him off. "I know, you're only settling for the perfect one, but we're almost like two sides of the same coin now."
"Are you saying we're perfect for each other then?" A hint of a smirk was visible on his lips. You pursed your lips, not in the mood for his jests.
"What? No, stop toying with me." You grew frustrated, knowing he was causing most of your turmoil and he didn't even know.
"What if I told you I was one hundred percent serious just now." His tone dropped, his eyes wandering across your face.
Your lips parted, disbelief wracking your senses. The hum of the party grew into background noise as your ears rang.
"You're a fool."
"I would be more than pleased to be your fool." He was quick witted, not missing a beat with you. He typically remained quiet, never sharing his feelings but he couldn't hold back any longer. His hand resting on his thighs twitched, fighting the urge to grab your face and bring your lips towards him.
"Hansol, I.. I don't know if I'm ready for marriage. I can't guarantee you anything so please, please, find another Lady." Your voice shook, your resolve crumbling. You had to keep your walls up, no man— not even Hansol, could bring them down.
"I've waited all these years. I would wait for you until the day you're ready." His voice was sure and steady, his eyes the most serious you've ever seen them.
You worked the courage to meet his gaze fully, watching his pretty eyes linger on your own. In a moment so quick, you nearly missed it, his eyes landed on your lips before trailing back to your eyes. You sucked in a sharp breath, feeling the air around you changing.
Your eyes widened as you watched Hansol begin to lean down, the world slowing to a halt. It was just you and Hansol now, your heart thundering through your chest. Just as his lips nearly were on yours, you turned your head sharply. His breath fanned across your cheek as you trembled, his lips almost resting on the cheekbone.
"I'm sorry, Hansol, I truly am. I cannot be the one for you." Your gaze was settled on the shrub across from you, your cheek still turned away from the quick maneuver. You heard the shuffle of him leaning back and you stood up abruptly.
You took a step back, Hansol softly calling your name; an inkling of hurt lingering in his tone. His wide eyes were shining in the moonlight, making your stomach lurch. You shook your head roughly, tears forming in your eyes as you took off running through the garden, leaving him behind in disbelief.
You fought to keep the tears from spilling over, not wanting a trail of eyeliner running down your face as you reached the garden doors once again. Pushing through the crowd of people, you searched frantically for anyone you could confine in, when your eyes landed on Joshua; emerged in conversation with Seokmin.
That was the last place you could be right now.
You wandered in the opposite direction, ready to leave the event. You wanted to crawl into bed and sob, your heart aching like you've never felt it before. The longer you stood in this ballroom, the harder it was to breathe.
"Lady Y/N, are you alright?" You whipped your head to see Mr. and Mrs. Hong, chatting with Mr. and Mrs. Lee. The tears pooling in your eyes threatened to spill as you shook your head. Mrs. Hong leaped into action, wrapping her arms around you and telling Mr. Hong to find their carriage.
"Can you tell me what's wrong, dear?" She lead you towards a corner, away from prying eyes as you kept your focus trained towards the floor.
"I would like to leave. Ana and Joshua shouldn't leave early because of me, but I have to get out of here, Lady Hong."
Mr. Hong reappeared, alerting you to the carriage waiting out front.
"Should we grab Joshua and Ana?" He questioned, a worried look on his face upon seeing your trembling form.
"No dear, you stay here. I'll go with her and send Xavier back with the carriage as soon as we arrive." He nodded, resting a grounding hand on your shoulder briefly before Mrs. Hong pulled you out the grandoise doors.
The moment the doors of the carriage closed behind you, the well of tears that had built up finally came pouring out. Sobs wracked your body as you nearly wailed out from how hard the tears rushed down. You were aching. You typically held your emotions in well, an unwavering anchor for your family. The stress of the past few weeks finally caught up to you, with Hansol's words burning in your mind.
Mrs. Hong stayed quiet, not once forcing you to talk to her. She rubbed calming circles into your arms and whispered hushed promises that you'll be okay.
You hoped she was right.
By the time the carriage pulled up to the estate, your makeup was ruined. Streaks of eyeliner marked your face as your maid stared at you in shock when you entered the residence.
"Anica, help her get that makeup off. I'll be by soon."
You threw the door to your room open, your maid following close behind.
"My Lady, let me help you."
She worked to gently remove your makeup, wiping away the black streaked spots. You helped her take your hair down, pulling bobby pins out with puffy eyes. She remained silent at your request, though you felt her worrying eyes. When you finished and washed your face, you didn't expect to see Mrs. Hong sitting on your bed.
"Wanted to make sure you were alright dear. I won't make you tell me what happened, but I'm here as a listening ear if you'd like." You appreciated her approach, the opposite of what you're expecting when Ana got home.
You were tired, flopping onto the soft bed with a pout.
"I don't know what to feel and it scares me." You mumbled, toying with the top sheet as Mrs. Hong waited for you to continue. "I've avoided all affection for years, and I thought I wouldn't be this… weak… coming into this season."
"Having feelings doesn't make you weak, it's in our nature, sweetheart. You're allowed to feel this— to work through these feelings." For one of the few times in your life you were genuinely conflicted— and scared.
"Which one of them is it? I know it has got to be either Lord Seokmin or Hansol."
"What if I told you it was a little bit of both. Mostly Hansol though. Most definitely Hansol." Her mouth tweaked into a smirk, reading you like an open book.
"My my. For someone who didn't want a suitor this season, the boys are persistent about you!" You groaned, throwing your head back onto the pillow behind you.
"No matter how many times I say it, they keep coming back! Hansol, he… he almost kissed me tonight." Your revelation has her eyes bulging, her jaw dropping unexpectedly.
"You've put a spell on that boy. If Choi Hansol is pursuing anyone, he must really have his mind set on you."
"I don't know what to do Mrs. Hong! I can not see myself leaving Ellerium, and the thought of both Ana and I getting married when I should've done so about five years ago.. It's nerve wracking." You were never supposed to come here and catch feelings for someone. You're Ana's anchor. Her guidance throughout this crazy time in her life— to help her step into her womanhood. You felt selfish now.
"I know what you're thinking… about coming here only for Ana. From the way things are going, Lord Chan will propose eventually. He is committed to her." You nodded, seeing firsthand how Chan was working to be active in her life.
"Your mother passed when you were young. You've been a caretaker all your life; isn't it time you allowed someone else to take care of you?"
Her words weighed heavy in your mind that night as you tossed and turned.
The moment Ana came home she demanded you to share what happened. You groaned and begged her to blow the lamp out and that you'll catch her up in the morning. She was irritated, but respected your request just for once.
A week went by after the faithful night, and you had yet to see Hansol anywhere. He stopped by briefly one morning to retrieve something from Joshua, mumbling a stiff 'hello' to you as you returned the gesture.
Joshua wasn't stupid. His best friend who damn near lived in his house barely stepped foot in the residence for over a week. It didn't take a genius to put the pieces together. He knew something had happened out in the garden between you and Hansol. He was aware that Hansol liked hiding in the gardens during parties, and from the information he gathered from Seokmin; you had stormed out there after the mere mention of marriage.
"Tell me truthfully, what happened with you and Hansol?" He questioned you one day in the drawing room, halting his piano session to bore his eyes into yours.
"Nothing's wrong, Joshua…"
"Right… Because my best friend of fifteen years suddenly stops coming around after you flee the ball in tears. And suddenly he's 'Lord Choi' or 'Lord Hansol' once again when a week ago, he was just 'Hansol' to you." You gulped, knowing Joshua had read you with ease.
"He said he would wait for me.. to accept him. It was too much and I told him I'm not the Lady for him. Left him behind without looking back and it probably was for the best." He pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly distressed.
"When I say this, please don't take offense-"
"Don't disrespect a Lady, Joshua." You joked, earning an eye roll from him.
"You are so, so dense. My word… I've never seen Hansol like that before. The guy is usually off in his own world, yet he's willing to make you his entire world." You avoided his eyes, turning back to your book as your heart sank. "You deserve happiness, no matter how much you tell yourself you don't. Hansol is a perfect match for you."
"You're saying this because he's your best friend."
"I'm saying this," he paused to accenture his words. "Because I see two people who swore off love, holding out hope for a perfect love match. My word if I ever saw a love match, it would be you two."
You mulled over your conversation with Joshua's as you soaked in the tub that night. You would have a chance to speak to Hansol at the upcoming ball this Friday. His family was hosting this time; at their house in the countryside.
Your eyes were closed as thoughts of Hansol filled your mind. You wondered how his lips would've felt on yours, if he kissed gently— or with ferocity behind it.
The more you imagined scenarios of Hansol, the more you grew frustrated, with a dull ache formulating between your thighs. You needed to relieve some of your stress anyways.
You trailed a hand down your body, stopping to roughly pinch at your sensitive nipple, before dragging down to your center.
You teased the hole, pushing a finger inside with an airy sigh. Working yourself open, you pushed a second finger in, curling up to meet that spongy spot that had you trembling.
You remember how strong his hands felt along your waist. How big they were spread out across his journal.
You imagine his long fingers pumping inside of you right now instead of your own. Biting back a moan, you pinch your clit, eager for a quick and hard release.
The water in the tub sloshed around as you bucked your hips up, your orgasm hitting you suddenly as your vision went white. Hansol's name was quietly on your tongue as you came, wishing his face was buried in your sopping cunt.
You threw your head back against the edge of the tub, the blissful feeling easing the anxiety in your system; even if it was only momentarily.
You felt guilty, a sense of shame washing over you for touching yourself with him on your mind.
Little did you know, at the same time across town— Hansol was spread out on his bed, actions mirroring your own.
With quick pumps of his heavy cock, he came hard, jerking his hips up and spilling all over himself with a soft cry of your name.
His hand was nothing compared to what he hoped your cunt would be, but it would have to make do for now.
As the ball hosted by the Choi's approached, you felt uneasy with the thought of running into Hansol again. You knew you couldn't avoid him forever, and would have to tackle your conflicted emotions finally.
The night prior to the ball, you found sleep hard to come upon, Ana tossing in the bed next to you. She turned to you, and you felt her gaze even within the darkness.
"I'm not stupid you know. Something happened with you and Lord Hansol because you like each other. It may not be my business to know the full extent, but if you're holding back because of me… I urge you to let go, sister."
"Ana it is too late to be divulging in this-"
"I don't care," she spoke your name with intensity. "You've held back from him all season long. I like Lord Chan and haven't even thought of Lord Hansol in weeks."
You watched her from your peripheral, her hands clasped over her stomach as she stared at the ceiling.
"You've done your duty as a big sibling. Now go chase your dreams. Your Viscount is waiting!" She poked your side, earning a yelp from you as she laughed, body trembling from laughter in the darkness.
"You promise you're not mad at me? I don't even know if I truly like him or not Ana…" You felt her eyes on you, taking in your outline in the faint glow of the moonlight.
"Why would I be mad at my sister for pursuing her happiness? You've given me everything I could ask for in life, it's your time now to fight for yourself."
You swallowed hard, your throat closing up as you fought the tears out of your eyes. Taking up the mother role in your household at a young age had warped your ideal of happiness. Your every decision was for your siblings, never considering yourself first. You felt a sense of relief wash over you knowing your younger sibling basically gave her blessing.
"I love you, Ana."
"I love you too." You felt the bed shift and heard the bed sheets rustle before feeling her arms around you. You squeezed her back, finding comfort within her arms. The two of you stayed like that for a long time before her breathing evened out, signaling she had fallen asleep holding you. Your eyes eventually grew heavy, finally falling sleeping within your sisters arms.
"Earth to Y/N? Care to join us back here?" You snapped out of your daze, turning to Ana in the carriage as she smirked lopsidedly at you.
"Care to share what was on your mind?" She teased, eager to see you grow flushed.
"No, I'm alright." You stared at your bright red silk dress pooling at your feet, Ana's pale purple dress flowing into yours.
"My girls… you look stunning today." Mrs. Hong commented, a gentle smile on her face.
Her gaze met your own, her eyes holding yours like a way of reminding you to stay confident.
The Choi's countryside residence was only about an hour from your house, the journey short compared to the one you had made from Ellerium a few months prior. Their home was beautiful, acres of lush greenery filling your vision as a string of lights lighted the path towards the entrance.
"You better find Lord Hansol and don't run away this time." Ana whispered to you, extending her pinkie out.
"No promises…" You looped your pinkie around hers, wiggling to seal the deal.
As everyone filed out of the carriage, you couldn't help but worry. You were a ticking time bomb, your emotions heightened like never before. The simple sight of Hansol could set you off right now. How were you to have a responsible conversation with him right now?
The inside of the Choi's country home was beautiful, marble floors and high ceilings throughout the whole foyer. The strum of the symphony helped keep you grounded, softly humming to the count.
"We're going to search for refreshments. Care to join us dear?" Mrs. Hong glanced at you, her eyebrow going up in question. You nodded, arm linked within Ana's as you trailed behind the family.
You kept your arm looped within Ana's for the majority of the night, sticking close by her side. You were undoubtedly pissing her off, knowing you were avoiding Hansol at all costs still. Upon sight of Chan, she squealed in excitement, unhooking your arm from hers.
"Stop being a wuss. I'm going to Lord Chan now." She pinched your arm hard before spinning on her heels, the brown haired man greeting her with a wide grin.
You huffed, spinning around to go and find Joshua to conspire with. You didn't want to be out on the floor alone, searching for your friend when you caught sight of the very man you were avoiding.
Hansol wasn't looking in your direction, as he was engaged in deep conversation with a woman with dyed ginger hair. He looked handsome, his dark brown hair parted in the middle and styled. He sported a navy outer coat, similar to the ball prior.
You tried not to stare, but you were enticed by him, knowing you would have to speak to the Lord eventually. You were making your way towards him when you caught him throwing his head back in laughter, a hand resting on the girl's shoulder.
You stopped in your tracks, the brief moment of clarity you had dissipated as you only felt anger and disappointment with yourself now. Hansol's eyes lifted up, catching yours glaring at him a few feet away. His smile was slowly wiped off his face as you had a staring match. You turned sharply, storming away as you heard your name called out behind you.
You didn't know why you were so mad, you had no right to be. Maybe because you were taking a leap to swallow your pride, just to see him getting cozy with another woman.
"Wait! God you walk fast…" You heard Hansol catch up to you, a hand falling onto your shoulder.
You whipped around furiously, tossing his hand off of you.
"How dare you touch me, Lord Hansol? In front of all of these watchful eyes? I am not your betrothed." You hissed, Hansol jumping back from the venom in your voice.
"I'm confused, what has gotten into you?" He whispered your name, his voice calm despite your malice towards him.
"You're absolutely unbelievable." You scoffed, shaking off his hand that reached out for you once more. You didn't care that the members of The Ton around the two of you had to be staring, you felt embarrassed and had to disappear.
You found yourself drawn towards the garden once again, the big glass doors already wide open as you ran out into the greenery. You heard your name called, Hansol following behind you. He casually strolled up to you, slightly out of breath from the light jog before.
"Come back inside, let's talk out of the rain."
You were so overwhelmed you hadn't even noticed the light drizzle pattering against your skin.
"No, no, because I'm livid!" You threw your hands up, frustration taking over now that you were face to face and alone. "I hate you, Choi Hansol!"
He wore a look of surprise, his lips parting as he couldn't understand why you were going off on him suddenly.
"What have I done-"
"I hate you for making me feel this way! Why did you come into my life and have to change things?" You felt the tears prickling in your eyes, the lump in your throat making it hard to speak.
Hansol stared, his expression conflicted as he remained silent, waiting for you to finish.
"I- I just… I don't know how you could pick me, over Ana. I should've stayed in Ellerium, I should've never came here." You shook your head, your tears finally falling.
"I can't believe I let myself get caught up in you, how could I be so stupid to allow myself to yearn for your… your love." Your voice trailed off, shaking as you laid your emotions down on the line. Hansol's hair was becoming damp, droplets falling into his eyes yet he couldn't care less.
"You're not stu-"
"Yet you had to make me feel embarrassed in there. All over another woman like that? I should have known this would be how it turns out."
"You cannot be talking about Seulgi-"
"I don't give a damn who she is! She isn't me!" Your eyes widened. Hansol's eyebrow shot up as he snorted at you.
"Can I speak now?" He questioned, watching you carefully like you would continue to chew him out with a single breath. You nodded slowly, the rain making your hair feel heavy, your perfect curls falling into a mess along your shoulders.
"You're scared, that's what feelings can do to you. To any of us really. You have no idea how much courage it took me that night in the garden to try and kiss you." You averted your gaze, remembering how his breath fanned along your cheek. "It hurt a lot, yet I cannot blame you a single bit. I shouldn't have came onto you suddenly, knowing how you felt about your independence."
He pushed his damp hair back, praying you didn't notice the way his hand shook from anxiety.
"No matter how many times you can yell at me, scream, and curse me out, I would still choose you. Again and again in every lifetime. You can try and push me off onto your sister, but it would never work." You were trembling, unsure if it was the rain causing your shaking, or the pound of your heartbeat.
"But… Ana is more of a debutante, an exceptional woman-"
"Yet it was never her. It would never be her. It was always you from the start." He proclaimed softly, his voice never wavering with you.
You were shocked, taking a step back as he stepped an inch closer, rain blurring your vision. Or was it the tears swimming in your eyes?
"Marriage has never been on the table for me. I have traveled all along the globe and yet that desire I desperately searched for… I have only found once meeting you. You are the bane of my existence, and the object of all my desires." Hansol's gaze was steady, his eyes glimmering back at your own tear filled eyes.
You cried out, a combination of a laugh and huff, reaching for his hands to slide into your own. You were both drenched at this point, the rain coming down harder now, yet neither of you cared.
"Hansol… I'm so scared. I'm scared because I can see a future with you that I've never imagined before. If you are patient with me… I think I would love to be yours." You took every ounce of strength to get out your confession, watching the slow spread of a smile forming on his lips.
"You do not have to accept my love immediately, or embrace it, or even allow it. Knowing you, you probably will not. But you must know, I will wait for the day you are ready, with open arms." His hands drew circles into your own, his grip squeezing you gently.
His proclamation moved you, tears silently falling from your eyes once more. Hansol brought a thumb up, brushing away the stray tears. You sniffled, feeling sheepish for still wondering about the ginger haired woman from earlier.
"So.. who was that girl in there?"
"Seulgi?" Hansol laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "A childhood friend of mine. She's been married with two kids for six years now."
Your lips formed into a pout, feeling silly for jumping to conclusions so quickly. Perhaps you already were whipped for him.
"Now I feel ashamed… I'm so sorry." He grinned lopsidedly at your sheepishness.
"Don't apologize. I told you there's nothing to worry about. My heart fully belongs to you." He took your hand, guiding it to his heart to feel the quick thumping there. He was anxious, his heartbeat showing how intense the situation was for him as well.
"Is it alright if I kiss you now? Or will you run away from me again?" You smiled up at him, rolling your eyes as you pulled him closer.
"I think I'm done running for now."
"Good, otherwise I'd have to get you a bell miss." You laughed at him, watching his eyes crinkle as his grin grew even wider.
With his finger coming under your chin to tilt you up towards him, he leaned down, gently pressing his slightly chapped lips against yours. Your mouths moved slowly together as you melted into his arms. The patter of rain continued to pour down on the two of you, a background thought as his hands gripped your waist tightly.
Anyone in The Ton could walk out into the garden right now and find the two of you tangled up in one another. Despite all of that, you had no care about who saw you.
Hansol pulled back, your eyes slowly opening to catch his wide, glowing eyes peering down at you.
"Was that okay with you?" He asked cautiously, searching your face for any discomfort.
"Your lips are better than I ever imagined." You mumbled, your eyes falling onto the pink flesh once more.
"You've thought about this before?"
"You're telling me you haven't, My Lord?" You teased, playing with the hairs that curled at his nape.
"Oh I've imagined more than just that…" Hansol had a new surge of confidence now that you had accepted his hand.
"Oh? Do tell?"
"If you'd allow it… perhaps I could show you instead." His gaze was heavy, a burning desire behind his otherwise calm expression.
Your stomach jumped, this time in excitement rather than anxiety.
"I would be honored, Hansol."
The adrenaline rush that flowed through you as Hansol lead you back in through a private entrance had you buzzing. The two of you were soaking wet, sneaking into the home through the entrance used most frequently by maids, to avoid any unwarranted attention from the event carrying on inside.
"We're not too far off from my suite." He spoke in a hushed tone, his hand gripping yours tightly.
As you rounded the corner leading to the stairs, a young maid appeared, jumping with a quiet yelp. You jumped in response, not expecting to get caught so easily.
"Lord Hansol?" Her eyes traveled between Hansol and yourself, most likely wondering why you were drenched and using the maid entrance.
"Marge, keep quiet on this one yeah? If my mother asks, I stepped out for a while." He placed a single finger over his lips, a plead for the maid to remain quiet. A faint smile formed across her face, nodding in agreement as she bowed quickly and hurried past.
The two of you shared a look, both of your lips twitching to fight the laughter off. Hansol continued on, stumbling up the stairs as the strums of the symphony in the ballroom rang through the staircase. Eventually, he turned down a long hallway, stopping at a wooden door. He pulled out a key, unlocking the door and quickly dragging you in behind him.
You watched as he lit the oil lamp, the room coming to life as you took in the area around you. You spotted a guitar and fiddle in the corner, a stand with sheet music next to it. A large wooden desk took up the middle of the room with a small couch nearby. His bed took up a majority of the room, the high frame catching your attention. There were drawings and postcards all along his walls, creating a very unique flare to his room that fitted Hansol.
"Like what you've done with the place." He laughed, shoulders coming up in a nonchalant shrug.
"Could use some improvement." The click of the lock caught your attention, Hansol leaning against the door casually. His arms were crossed over his chest, taking in your form from afar. His silent authority had an effect on you, Hansol not saying a word yet you knew what he wanted.
"You should change out of your dress. Can't have you catching a cold now."
"You should come untie me then." You spun around, pulling your damp hair over one shoulder as you heard the rustle of his trousers approaching. In seconds, a soft hand pressed along your shoulder blade, another toying with the ribbon down the back of your dress. Painfully slow, Hansol unraveled the back, your straps slipping over your shoulders. His breath hit against your neck, causing goosebumps to form with a shiver. He played with the strap, tugging it further down as your breath quickened.
"Step out of it." His voice was soft, yet you felt the command behind it.
You slid the red satin down, Hansol's hands lightly trailing along your body as you stepped out of it. His hands moved to quickly untie your corset, feeling the shell drop around your feet. His hand was steadying as you were nearly bare for him. You slowly spun around— the sharp inhale of air at the sight of you, unmissable.
"Your turn." You tugged on his white button up, the navy overcoat long gone the moment he stepped in the room. With a faint smirk, he held eye contact as his fingers flew down the buttons, his chest slowly revealing itself. He tweaked with the buttons along his trousers, pulling them down painstakingly slow. You bit your lip in anticipation, Hansol fighting the smug look off from how eager you had grown.
You both stood in front of each other, stripped down to just underwear. Your eyes shifted frantically, wondering who would make the first move.
Hansol took a step closer, his hand grazing against your hip. "Don't get shy on me now." Your name coming from him sounded sultry, a fire igniting in your lower belly.
You slid your hands up his chest, wrapping your arms around his neck loosely.
"Kiss me again, Hansol."
He was weak when it came to you, wasting no time to capture your lips against his own. The kiss was rough this time, the weeks of unresolved tension coming to a head. His grip around your hips tightened, backing you up towards the edge of his bed.
The backs of your thighs hit the edge, causing you to topple back onto the bed. You remained connected, Hansol devouring your lips. You readjusted towards the middle of the bed, Hansol resting his hips against your own now. You felt him, thick and heavy, straining against his undergarment. You pulled him impossibly closer, the smack of your lips driving you insane. Hansol grinded his hips into yours, his length rubbing against your clit dangerously.
You gasped into his lips, moaning against him as you were desperate to keep his lips on your own. One of his hands trailed down your body, feather light touches along your burning skin. Finding your sensitive nipple, Hansol gave a tug, causing your hips to buck up into his own in pleasure.
He broke away from your lips, your moans spilling free as he worked on both of your breasts, neither one safe from the attack of his lips and mouth. His clothed length continued to dig against you, a wet patch forming in your underwear from the delicious drag.
"Hansol… it's too much." You groaned, a finger sliding through the mess of locks as he sucked and bit your sensitive buds.
"Tell me," He pulled off of you with a wet pop. "Have you ever touched yourself?"
You nodded, your eyes hooded as you stared down at Hansol who worked his way down your body. He kissed along your stomach, stopping short of your thighs as he gripped along your underwear.
"Yes."
His gaze darkened, slowly dragging your panties down with his jaw going slack. The sight had you squirming, eager to feel him between your aching thighs.
"I touched myself to the thought of you before, Hansol. I imagined it was you splitting me open instead." You admitted breathlessly, watching as he halted all actions.
As if his brain was frying in real time, he swore he could cum his pants from the imagery alone. He closed his eyes with a groan, imagining how you looked fingering yourself as his name spilled from your lips.
"Let me bring your fantasies to life then."
With little warning, you felt a long finger swirl around your entrance before pushing in. Gathering some of the slick there, he brought the finger back up to your clit, swirling his finger as you wailed from the sensation.
"Please try to keep it down. I don't need my family knowing I'm defiling you like this."
"You're such an ass-"
You jolted from the intruding feeling of two long fingers pushing into your cunt, your slick making it easy for Hansol to slide them in. You gripped him impossibly tight, fisting the sheets near your head as you rocked your hips. He worked you open, scissoring his fingers inside to stretch yourself for him.
"Have you had anyone taste you before?"
You felt your cheeks heat up as you nodded, thinking of the shop owner you had a crush on, back at Ellerium that you had given your first kiss to. He had ate you out along the counter of his shop after hours, but not going farther to 'save yourself for your future suitor.'
He hummed, leaning down to kiss along your plump thighs. His kisses trailed up, stopping just short of your cunt. His breath was sending chills up your spine as he glanced up at you momentarily.
"Bet I'm better than him."
His face was buried in your pussy instantly, a scream escaping you as his tongue moved brutally. He sucked loudly on your clit, fingers pumping into your dripping pussy with a gush.
You were trembling, gripping his hair tightly as he hummed into your cunt, devouring you like you were his final meal.
Your hips were chasing after him uncontrollably, his tongue alternating between fucking in and out of your hole and sucking on your clit. His nose bumped against your clit, sending shockwaves through you. His hand was resting along your thigh, keeping you spread wide for him.
You weren't going to last much longer, the buildup of your orgasm approaching quicker than you expected.
The vibrations of Hansol's groans against your cunt enhanced the feeling, your legs shaking as you moaned desperately.
"Hansol, I feel different.." You huffed out, the growing heat of your orgasm feeling more intense than you've remembered before.
"That's it, let go for me."
The view of him glaring up from between your thighs was sinful, his mouth playing you like a fine-tuned instrument. Hansol was in his element, enjoying every quiver and whimper you gave him.
One final pump of his fingers, and a rough swirl of his tongue along your clit had your orgasm rocking your body, stars shooting within your vision.
Hansol took everything you gave him, drinking up every drop of you as you yanked on his hair, grinding your cunt deeper into his face. He sighed blissfully, eventually pulling his face away with kisses all along your inner thigh as you came down for your high.
"Would you like me to give a rating?" You teased, sitting up on your elbows. Watching carefully, Hansol wiped his face, licking his fingers clean like it was nothing.
"Save it for after perhaps?" He chuckled, stepping back to slip out of his underwear, his thick length slapping up against his stomach.
Your jaw dropped at the sight of him, long and heavy, his tip red and leaking from neglect. He gave a few light strokes, holding your gaze as your wide eyes watched him eagerly.
"Hansol, let me taste you." You crawled down the bed towards him on your hands and knees, reaching for the thick length.
"No, not this time. This is about you." You glanced up at him through your lashes, a smug look forming on your face.
"This time? You plan on defiling me once again, Hansol?" He made a face at you, causing you to bust into laughter.
"I'm going to be ravishing you for the rest of our lives, viscountess." His tone was teasing, though you knew he was serious. Your stomach flipped at his implication, the conversation in the garden flooding your mind.
"Well then, don't leave me waiting, viscount." Your grin matched his own, his lips colliding with yours as he wore the smile on his lips still.
Not once breaking the kiss, he pushed you back down, crawling on top of you once more. His cock was poking against your inner thigh, an airy sigh leaving your lips from the feel.
"Is this the first time-"
"Yes… I've…I've never…" You trailed off, your cheeks growing flush.
"There's nothing to be ashamed or shy about. I want to know so I can take care of you, properly." His gaze was soft and reassuring, his hand trailing along your body slowly.
"Relax, I'm going to be careful." One of his hands slotted between your thighs, guiding two fingers past your glistening folds. You purred into his ear, allowing him to pry you open once more.
"You're doing so good for me." You hummed in response, feeling his digits slide out of you. He shifted above you, bringing your legs around his waist. The head of his cock brushed against your hole as he lined himself up, stopping just short of pushing in.
"If you're uncomfortable at any moment, do not hesitate to stop me." You nodded, your heart thumping in your chest.
"Use your words."
"Yes, I will, Hansol." You managed to get out breathlessly and the corner of his lip twitched.
"Good girl."
Hansol slowly pushed his cock in, the tip alone causing you to throw your head back with a loud wail.
Your walls clenched around him tightly, Hansol taking shaky breaths as he eased in inch by inch. He stopped about halfway to allow you to adjust, your hands gripping the sheets so hard your knuckles turned white.
"So perfect, you're doing wonderful." His words were igniting low in your belly, clenching around him on impulse. It took every ounce of strength to keep Hansol from fully ramming his cock in after you squeezed around him.
"Keep going, I'm okay." Your voice wobbled as he glided the last bit of his cock into you, bottoming out with a groan. You stayed like that for a moment, before the throb of his cock started becoming unbearable.
"Hansol, please move."
He pulled out nearly to the tip, before snapping his hips slowly back into yours. The sound that left you was guttural, Hansol groaning in time with you.
He kept his pace slow, admiring the way you shook under him, your eyes struggling to stay open with every thrust. The sight was lighting a fire in him, determined to keep your pleasure in the forefront for tonight.
You forced your eyes open, catching the way his lips were parted, the chocolate brown locks dangling over his lust-filled eyes.
The clap of your skin connecting filled the room, Hansol's lips on your neck driving you crazy. You clamped down on him, earning a deep groan in response. You needed him to pick up the pace— and desperately. You were fully adjusted to him, and eager to get wrecked.
"Hansol hon, can you speed it up a bit?"
His lips detached from your neck, tossing you a glance as he gave a strong roll of his hips. His cock dug into you, making a shaky moan leave your mouth instantly.
"Are you sure?"
"I am begging you to ruin me."
Hansol was a simple man. His lady asks for something, and she shall receive.
As if a switch flipped in him, he brought your leg higher up, a shaky breath escaping your lips in preparation. He drew his hips back, ramming into you deeply, the change in angles making his cock drag along your walls sinfully.
You were gushing around him, your wetness dripping where your bodies connected. Hansol watched carefully as his cock slid in and out of you, the clap of your thighs against his own driving him insane.
You were squeezing him so impossibly hard, Hansol knew he wouldn't be lasting much longer. He focused on your clit, gathering your slick from your hole and drawing circles along the bud.
"Oh my god!" You had never felt pleasure build up like this before, gripping the back of Hansol's neck as he worked for your second orgasm.
You felt the familiar build of your climax, mumbling nonsense as Hansol's cock split you open, his moans reverberating in your ear. His pace had picked up, rough drags of his veiny cock filling your warmth, your own moans pushing him closer to the edge.
"Hansol, I think I'm close.. so close.." Your eyes screwed shut as you felt the coil inside you snap, Hansol's name flying off your tongue as you spasmmed on his cock, shaking hard while you gushed down his length.
"Perfect, so perfect, god you're perfect." He buried his face in your neck, his hands moving to roughly grip your waist, chasing his high with a heavy slap of his balls against your puffy and overstimulated clit.
You could barely breathe, the waves of your climax still jolting you. In attempt to help Hansol out, you squeezed down on him, a guttural moan ripping from his mouth as he gave a final few shaky strokes. Quickly pulling out to cum along your stomach with his head thrown back, he moaned your name lowly.
Hansol leaned toward, dropping his weight next to you, shaky breaths filling the room. You were spent, your pussy aching from the stretch moments prior.
"Ready for your rating now?" You teased. Hansol huffed a mix of a strangled laugh and groan, lifting his head to meet your eyes.
"I'd rather not hear it at all." He deadpanned, yet the gleam in his eye told you he was messing with you as well.
"I wasn't too rough was I? I wanted to stay slow for your first time but-"
"But I am a heathen and wanted you to pick up the pace. Don't worry, you were amazing." You pinched his cheek, catching the light flush on his face before he ducked away, his ears still showing the pinkness.
"Was it not your first as well?" You tilted your head, Hansol shaking his in response.
"You thought I could devour you like that with no experience?" His eyebrow shot up as you opened your mouth to speak, closing it quickly as the words couldn't come to you.
"Well I know what you were doing on your European tour then…" He rolled his eyes, sliding off the bed to enter the attached bathroom, returning with a damp rag. He worked the rag over your body, soothing any spots he may have overdone earlier.
"To answer you, there has only been one other." You averted your gaze, feeling better knowing Hansol was nearly as inexperienced as yourself. "Anything else, Seungcheol has taught me."
You snorted, not expecting him to say that. The grin on his face gave away that he was teasing, earning a smack on his arm from you.
"You're insufferable, Choi Hansol."
"You'll learn to deal with it, my Lady." He planted a light kiss against your temple. Picking up his white button, up he helped you slip it on, only bothering with 2 of the buttons before you swatted him away, turning into the pillow. You heard him rustle with something, his trousers back on as he slid into the bed beside you.
"My sister is probably worried about where I am…" You suddenly felt a sense of consciousness, remembering the ball that was occurring a few floors down.
"No worries, Joshua knows." You cracked an eye open, watching the goofy expression spread on Hansol's face.
"How in the world does Joshua know?"
"You were too concerned yelling at me to notice Joshua watching us from the window." You move to throw a pillow at him, Hansol hiding his face with a cackle. "I caught him before we took the back entrance, we made eye contact briefly. He knows."
"Wonderful… Now Ana will be screaming about babies when I go back…"
"Speaking of babies… Should we make one right now?"
"Don't make me smother you with this pillow, Choi."
When you returned to the Hong residence the next day, hand in hand with Hansol, the drawing room exploded with commentary.
Ana shouted a quick witted "I knew it!" as Joshua slowly clapped, shaking his head with a congratulations.
"See this was the cousin I was talking about!" Chan added, laughing as you rolled your eyes at him in faux annoyance.
"About damn time, anyone with eyes could have seen you two from the start. The first dinner together I knew you would end up like this!" Mrs. Hong commented, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
Ana squealed, throwing her arms around both you and Hansol. "I'm so happy for you, sister. You have no idea how much you deserve this." She pulled back with glowing eyes as you held her gently, your soft smile mirroring her own.
"Thank you, Ana. Couldn't have happened without you."
"Uh.. Yeah, I know!" She tossed her hair over her shoulder dramatically.
"Actually we have some news to share, now that you're here." Your eyebrow quirked up as Chan and Ana glanced at each other.
"We're engaged!" She whipped her hand out, the expensive diamond glistening unmistakably.
Your whole face dropped, Hansol's mouth flying open as he shared a look with you, knowing you were seething.
"You got engaged. Without my blessing beforehand?" Your eye twitched, the smile on Chan's face falling.
"Well, you know. Ana was telling me how much you approved of me and that you wanted her wed by the end of the season. So uh, surprise?"
Hansol didn't know if he would have to hold you back from scratching his cousin's eyeballs out, so he rested a grounding hand on your back.
Chan wasn't wrong at all, but you felt offended knowing he didn't ask you first. It had come up briefly between the two of you recently, but you had no idea he would've taken the initiative to go ahead and propose.
"Lee Chan, you are very lucky I like you and said you'd be a good match for Ana." Your anger subsided as you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around Chan. He went stiff, before returning the hug with a sigh of relief.
"I wish I knew before but, I understand. I'm just happy you two are betrothed." You stepped back with a calm smile on both of your faces, Chan nodding in agreement.
"So… am I now your brother in law or your cousin in law? Hansol did you pop the question yet?" Chan grinned widely, watching the way his cousin's eyes widened half a fraction; the typical blank face Hansol wore shifting to one of confusion.
"Uhh, not quite…"
"Well.. what are you waiting for Hansollie? Two weddings are better than one!" Chan gave a hearty laugh. You turned around, meeting Hansol's slightly panicked eyes.
"Oh my, father is going to flip when he finds out both of his daughters came back with a husband."
"Hansol isn't my husband-"
"Yet!" Everyone in the room called out, your face growing hot. Hansol scratched the back of his neck, a lopsided grin on his face.
As you met his gaze once again, you both casually lifted your shoulders, grinning at one another. You had found your perfect match, and after all the years of turmoil, there couldn't have been anyone better for you than Hansol.
The grin on your face was so wide your cheeks hurt. No matter how hard you tried, you and your sister were inseparable. To know you would be next door neighbors, even after marriage was joyous. Ana was bouncing off the walls, already rambling about how you needed to make haste and go dress shopping by midday.
Hansol came over to you and wrapped an arm around your waist, his bright gaze turned down towards you.
"I think 'Lady Choi' sounds perfect going before your name doesn't it?"
"Perhaps you are right, Lord Choi." You grew overwhelmed with your emotions, burying you face into his chest. Ana squealed in the background how cute two of you were, as the vibrations from Hansol's laugh echoed against your cheeks. His embrace was warm and secure, giving you a new meaning of home you didn't think you'd ever find.
The ladies of Ellerium would be leaving, but your heart was full, knowing that a piece of home would always remain with you.
