[creatingnikki]

“I’m experiencing life in waves. Easy and hard, beautiful and miserable, loving and lonely It’s all in waves.”

— And I’m just going to have to learn to surf

[melodiesofqueen]

It still hurts driving past your street. The winds scream your name so audibly //almost on my behalf

the city misses you too // jxdng

[melodiesofqueen]

The hands that caress you should move worlds beyond your own strengths. In darkness, they should alight the gaps between your spines and build rivers between your cracks. They should hold the map of every feature unnoticed by covetous eyes and like an artist with urge to trace along the edge of perfected masterpieces, these hands should feel that urge in awe of the crafting  of your very own //existence. //

stop treating your body like a wasteland // jxdng

[melodiesofqueen]

Pick up the pieces, every shatter of your full heart, let me sew them together with the ticking of clocks. Just like the crushed flower that births the next spring, you will be whole again. /in time/

on loving a boy, that doesn’t love you // jxdng

[melodiesofqueen]

You apologised for  seeking help like it was a sin for being human

[soulfulreverie]

You, The universe could really be frisky at times; it lets you encounter things that you have no plans of doing so just for the plain reason that you must feel the juice of emotions, might it be pain or pleasure. You come across certain people in your life for certain reasons; all of them are variables for you to bloom further. Some would hurt you for you to be able to learn, some would guide you for you to be able to get back on track, some would stay, some would go. You might even think of it as something that is predominantly irksome but after some time, you’d start to think that it doesn’t. I think it is the universe’s way of presenting you of what you may miss if you decide to prolong the exhilarating feeling, that it will somehow bring awe, anxiety, even demise–death of something that you wish would for a lifetime. Because in life, you have to make decisions, you have to make choices, and those are facts that nobody, even you, cannot change. At the end of the day, what’s important is that you don’t feel any regret for all the things you did–intentionally or unintentionally. You might not want to admit this but for that moment in your life, you felt high, you felt alive, you felt happy, you felt real, you felt wanted, and you felt loved. If ever you felt like you would want to make a rewind of every little memory just because you feel like it deserves a proper conclusion, don’t. It is not a wise move; it may even be the worst thing that you would ever do to yourself. Because in life, there are no rewinds and there are no playbacks. We just have to move forward, forget a little maybe and learn to forgive, most especially if it’s yourself that you would want to forgive. Live long and prosper, Your own self

s.a., Of Reminders, Experiences and Perspectives (via soulfulreverie)

[wordswritteninsilence]

There are times I am convinced I look for sadness. I have this need to wrap myself in melancholy, just to feel alive.

Navin E. (via wordswritteninsilence)

[lifeinpoetry]

My soul is lonely. Lonely in a lonely way that I’m unwilling to express to you.

Qiu Miaojin, from Last Words from Montmartre (via lifeinpoetry)

[melodiesofqueen]

I want to be better, be greater and not only for myself but for my mum and my dad, my brother, my friends, for anyone who gives a goddamn about me. I'm scared of becoming the people I hate most, to hurt others subtlety but continuously, to lose my priority, my morality, to forget that the world is already bad as it is and hence forget that I should use that as my motivation to be good, to be kind, to care passionately and try for others. I'm scared of disconnecting myself from this sacred humanity because of my own lack of hope. For this, I want to be greater because maybe then I will find something out of the everything I've endured.

[melodiesofqueen]

You don't realise how precious life is until the unexpected happens. You don't think things like these happen to people you know, and then it happens and the whole world flips. You could be saying "hello, I'll see you later, tell me next time" one moment and a few hours laters, that's it they're gone. I can't imagine what could be worse than having to say goodbye without getting the chance to say it at all. It's I believable to think that we lost two young people this weekend. And although I didn't personally know either of them, it still hurts me just the same, having to watch grief take over the people I love. To see and hear tears and feel the tragic heart break of so many around you, what could be worst than that? Goodbye aren't the same anymore, it's no longer just a "see you later", it's, "drive safely get home safe I love you". Events like these are an eye opener. It makes you want to embrace everyone whole. Life ends the same either way, the least we can do is really appreciate every second we have here.

[melodiesofqueen]

What's worse, feeling empty, drained of all emotions or overwhelmed and drowned by all emotions?

[melodiesofqueen]

Perhaps we are soul mates. Perhaps you'll return and we'll rekindle like we say. Perhaps even through it all we'll come out even stronger. Perhaps everything will be okay in the end and we'll create a million more stories of absolute ridiculous moments to share. Perhaps it really wasn't goodbye, just another chapter like we keep telling ourselves. I guess only time can tell but for now the anticipation and loss continues to eat me. I miss you and I'm scared and it's only been 2 days.

[melodiesofqueen]

So what, this is it? This is just the way life is? You meet someone and somewhere along the way they skip out, or you have to say goodbye and you're just meant to go on with your life? You're just meant to sleep on it, wake up and continue on with your daily routine? Somehow just forget it, live with it, carry on with a part of yourself missing? I don't know, what's the point then? Why do we bother if it all goes in the end? It all ends the same way hurts the same way, then what?

[melodiesofqueen]

you don't tell someone they're your rock and leave. Don't you get it? they're only a rock because you're there

[melodiesofqueen]

I have never endured such heart break before in my life. I didn’t know breaking would hurt this much. The feeling of watching one of your best friends walk into a departure room sobbing as the world watches through blurred vision is one of the most heart breaking moment of your life. All at once, everything seems to be screaming in your ears and you want to collapse in hope someone would just bundle you up in warm blanket, but you don’t because that wouldn’t make her departure any easier. So instead you drive, and you put on the songs you and her were just singing softly in the car, knowing that in a few hours, these songs will be the songs you hate most but you don’t care and instead turn up the volume. You drive and you cry and think about all the times you’re going to want to call her, hug her, hear her voice and she won’t be there and you cry harder. You go to class and you sit and you wait for the hour to be over and you come home and you shower and that’s it she’s gone, she’s actually gone. Just like that.

It hurts so much and I don’t know what to do because everything from here, everything I do, everywhere I am, everything will remind me of her and all the places she should be at, but isn’t.

[melodiesofqueen]

Lost (n)

Begins with heart break and ends with emptiness. It’s a numbing void that shadows you as you walk day by day. It is waking up every morning with a spark of hope that perhaps every day before, was just a living dream. It’s your heart being held together by a shard and every breath softly in hope not to snap the strings that hold your entire being together. It’s the lifeless sense of being and not being, all at once. 

[melodiesofqueen]

There is a pool within me, flooding to fill the walls that hold my stringed being together. It is heavy with immense density, opaque yet untouchable, fighting for its own space. It carries the weight of a thousand lifetime of loss and withholds the ability to envelop my living soul whole. Perhaps this is what it feels like to drown. Perhaps, drowning is really the process of losing yourself slowly until you are overwhelmed with water as I am overwhelmed with loss.