Haunted - Sirius Black
Part One
Sirius Black x Reader
Sirius had suspected that Y/N was hiding something from him and the rest of their friendship group ever since they'd gotten back from Christmas break, he just had no idea how bad that thing was.
Trigger warnings for sexual assault, explicit injuries, violence, mentions of sh and body image issues
Word count: 4.2k Masterlist
Divider by @pixopix
Part Two
Sorry for the lack of uploads I’m mentally dead atm so here’s a request that I finished agesss ago but never uploaded bc I didn’t like it lol. I’ve edited it so hopefully it is enjoyable now! Love y’all <3
Sirius Black had suspected that his girlfriend Y/N was hiding something from him and the rest of their friendship group ever since they'd gotten back from Christmas break a week ago. This was for many reasons, the first being her strange antisocial behaviour. The usually chatty girl had hardly contributed to any conversations or argued back with anyone - playfully or not - seeming too tired to bother. Even after James had insulted her potion skills (something that usually sparked an overdramatic fight between them) she had just rolled her eyes and turned away - earning confused looks from everyone.
The second reason was that he'd noticed her avoiding the topic of what she did over the holidays any time it came into conversation; awkwardly bringing up anything else on the spot. She'd even entirely brushed over the topic of family drama, hers and everyone else's - something that she'd usually gossip about for days.
The third was that unlike everyone else; who'd put on a few pounds over Christmas, she had noticeably lost a few. He had yet to see her eat a full meal the whole week they'd been back, and knowing of her rocky relationship with her body image, he was concerned to see her potentially get unwell.
And the final reason was her jumpiness and seeming avoidance of the boy. Whenever they had been together and he'd suddenly touched her - something that was no issue before - she'd freeze or flinch and move away. He couldn't help but fear for what he thought was the worst; that she didn't want him anymore and just didn't know how to break it off.
Her friends had also noticed something was wrong and too grew concerned. The boys had tried to comfort Sirius by affirming to him that she hadn't fallen out of love, and was instead probably struggling with something that happened at home - her parents weren't known for being the nicest after all. But that gave him no comfort. They were all hesitant to push her for any answers as despite their closeness, she could get very defensive when feeling vulnerable and none of them wanted to risk that.
Lily Evans however, having been her best friend for many years, had learnt that letting the girl hide what was bothering her almost always resulted in things getting worse, and so wasn't going to let that happen.
It was early morning when Lily finally got the truth out of you. The two teenage girls stood alone in the showers as had become common practice for the pair over the years - waking up early to avoid having to share the space with anyone else - but you had been refusing to get changed in front of her; acting shy and awkward, something which was extremely out of your character around Lily.
"Why are you trying to hide your body? You've not hurt yourself again have you?" Lily asked firmly although with sympathetic eyes. Her question was a valid one. "You're really worrying me-"
"No I haven't hurt myself." You cut off your friend with an annoyed tone, looking at the ground in shame. "You don't need to be worried."
Lily sighed and sat down on the bench next to you, still worried. "Well, what is wrong then?"
"Nothing." You shortly replied but your best friend wasn't having it, placing her hand unexpectedly on the your shoulder, which made you flinch and only maximised Lily's concern.
"See! You're really going to tell me nothing is wrong and then react like that when I touch you? You're scaring me... What's happened? Are you in trouble? Did your parents do something?" The urgency in her voice and spitfire of questions let you know that she wasn't going to drop the subject - you would surely have to tell your friend the truth.
So with a sharp intake of breath, the shaking girl uttered out "It wasn't my parents."
As soon as the words quietly came out of your mouth, you felt your chest tightening and your throat go dry. You had done everything to avoid even thinking about it ever since it happened, and now that it was in the forefront of your mind you felt sick.
On the other hand, Lily was sat with her eyes wide as she tried to work out exactly what her friend meant. She looked to you for clues but you were staring down at the floor with a blank expression that gave none.
"Well what happened then? A-Are you okay?"
You didn't know how to say it out loud, you didn't want to. But the thought of showing her the memory.. letting her see the assault in vivid detail.. that wasn't something that sat right with you either. So with a deep breath, you pulled off her t shirt to reveal the marks you’d been hiding for ten days now.
Your collarbones and chest were littered with hickeys and bite marks, faded but still noticeable, and there were finger shaped bruises on your shoulders and breasts.
Surprised, Lily's eyes ran across these marks. For a moment she thought that Sirius had left them in an overly passionate sexual encounter and was confused as to why she was being shown them. But then she remembered that the couple had hardly spoken for weeks, separated over the holidays, let alone had the chance to be together, and her stomach clenched.
As if her eyes couldn't get any wider, her expression turned to one of immense shock and confusion before dropping into an extremely concerned one.
"W-Who did this? Are you okay?" Her mind raced with all the awful possibilities of what could've happened and the panic was evident in her voice.
As she watched her friend look up at her - eyes welling and her bottom lip shaking - Lily's heart began to sink. It plummeted right to the ground when you nodded and whimpered a small "He-He forced me."
It took a lot for you to be vulnerable in front of anyone - even your best friend of six years - and Lily knew this. Seeing you, someone who usually appeared so strong, acting the way you had been was enough to upset her - now having a somewhat blurry image of the reason why; she was heartbroken.
Lily bent down next to you and slowly moved one hand to your knee, sending you a reassuring, calm look despite her internal panic.
"What was his name? Do I know of him?"
"One of the muggle boys from last summer... Henry... His friend was there too, b-but I don't know his name." You whispered back, swallowing a lump in your throat as a silent tear ran down your face. "I- I was really drunk and I took some pills. I know I shouldn't have, it's my fault for even trusting them-"
"Stop it. It's not your fault. Don't say that." Lily cut off her friend firmly, trying to hide the rage she had building inside. "You need to tell someone, get them arrested or something!"
"I'm not doing that Lily. I just want to forget it all happened." You retorted, growing quickly frustrated with how vulnerable you felt. Lily picked up on this immediately but didn't back down.
"Well are you at least going to tell Sirius? Or anyone else for that matter?" She demanded, earning a tired scoff from her best friend.
"Why should I?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"You're making it into such a big deal, this is why I didn't want to tell you."
Lily couldn't believe how dismissive you were being. It wasn't uncommon for you to be nonchalant towards dark matters in general, but something as serious as this was upsetting to hear.
"I'm sorry what?" Lily raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "You're telling me you've been raped over the holidays and that's why you've been acting so off, and then you're seriously trying to say it's not a big deal? Look at these marks Y/N, this is a real assault... Do you value yourself so lowly that you don't want justice?" Her voice softened at the end as her frustration lessened and she started to feel incredibly bad for her friend.
However, there was no pity on your end. All the tears that were beginning to brew behind your eyes had dried up as you felt the defensive numbness take over at the mention of the R word. Giving it that name seemed to give the event so much more significance - making it harder for your brain to brush away. Stiffly, you picked up your towel and went to head towards the shower until Lily spoke again.
"W-Wait. I'm not trying to upset you... Please sit down, I just want to talk."
You didn't really want to talk, but you loved the redhead so you stayed - stood up though, leaning against a large stone beam and sending her a nod.
The redheaded girl sighed "I'm not going to ask for details.. obviously you don't have to do that. But I think you should at least tell Sirius, he thinks you hate him at the moment."
That was the worst part of all of this for you; your boyfriend.
You felt so much blame towards yourself. You might as well have cheated on him. And that filled your tired body with a sickening amount of guilt.
You were also terrified of his reaction. Would he find you disgusting? Would he hate you for it? Or would he simply hunt down the muggles, kill them and then get sent to Azkaban? All three options felt very possible.
"I don't know how to tell him... what if he leaves me?" You sighed. "And I don't see why I even need to, I'll just keep avoiding him until the marks fade... although now that you know would you please whip me up a potion?"
Lily tutted, but she understood. "He loves you, you should at least think about telling him." She didn't even need to respond to the potion request, it was an obvious yes.
Before the conversation could continue, the sound of other girls coming down the great stone stairs towards the chilly room reached them and they quickly headed to the showers in silence.
As had become ritual to you in the time since you’d been back at Hogwarts, you sat in the shower for a long while in deep thought, the water providing a comforting warmth you desperately needed. Usually you’d get that warmth from Sirius, but that was being rationed until you could bare to face him.
Meanwhile, Lily had a short wash and then went straight back up to their dorm room, her thoughts stewing with what she could possibly do to help her friend. She didn't want to keep it secret despite knowing that to be your wish. A guilty, gnawing part of her demanded that she tell someone - did something, so she decided to mill on it for a little while and see if your attitude changed. Maybe you would tell Sirius yourself and he would punish those muggle boys before Lily had to, atleast the redhead hoped so.
There were no signs of that development though.
You awkwardly avoided her all day, not even joining Lily, Marlene, Alice and the Marauders for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. You said minimal words to them in the classes that you shared and at the end of the day, you quickly rushed to the showers to be alone while your friends were all sat in Gryffindor common room. The room, despite being mostly vacant that night, felt full and homey - the fire burning and the thick, comfy pillows. Unfortunately, this did nothing to soothe the groups mood.
"She's been acting even weirder today than she was yesterday." Sirius muttered, clearly upset as he ran his hand through his raven locks. "I really do think she wishes to leave me, I mean- she didn't look me in the eye once today, not even a glimpse."
Seeing her friends distress, Lily felt even guiltier than she had before and wasn't helped by her unknowing boyfriend.
"Did you talk to her this morning like you said you would?" James asked her, drawing Sirius' eyes immediately.
"Yeah... I tried to- she didn't want to talk." The awkward splutter sent Sirius' eyes back to the floor so she quickly added "B-But I know she doesn't want to break up with you; she'd never want to do that."
The boy wasn't convinced, sighing and shaking his head.
"Maybe we should just corner her, make her tell us what‘a going on." Remus suggested. "She might've just heard another dumb rumour about you. Or maybe her parents did something-"
"She isn't going to tell you." Lily cut him off as she grew more frustrated, unintentionally revealing that she knew more than she was letting on.
"So she did tell you something then." Sirius scoffed, looking up again. He was more suspicious than ever now.
Everyone's eyes were on the girl and she felt uncomfortable, but she couldn't tell them your secret - not yet anyway, not unless it got so bad that she had to.
"She said a little, but not much." She awkwardly lied, prompting Sirius to quickly stand up and murmur "I'm gonna go find her."
Before she could reply, he stormed out of the room with the marauders map in hand - quickly locating his girlfriend as being in the otherwise empty Gryffindoor girl’s bathroom. The remaining Marauders had begun to question the redhead immediately after he left, not settling for her false ignorance.
"She told you something serious, didn't she?" James asked accusingly, but his arm draped around her shoulder was all she needed to know he wasn't really annoyed.
"Come on Lils, why are you lying for? It can’t be that bad." Peter added, earning a grimace from the girl as she thought of the truth.
"It really is quite bad, Peter. And it's not my place to say what it is."
Whenever Sirius found you, she highly doubted that her best friend would willingly tell him the truth. Instead, she imagined that you would probably desperately deflect or just find some other way to push him away.
And that was exactly what you did, groaning to yourself as Sirius announced his arrival.
"Babe, come out here. We need to talk."
The sound of his voice vibrating around the stone walls and through the thin shower curtain made you feel sick with dread, so you sat silently in hope that he would leave.
"I know that you're in there, I can see it on the map."
Your wand was by your clothes on the bench outside so you couldn't even place a concealment charm on the ghastly marks. All you could do was try to make him leave without seeing them.
"I- I'm still washing. Give me five minutes." You nervously said, racking your brain for ideas.
He knew you were lying and scoffed, getting more annoyed by the second. He thought about how you would usually invite him behind the curtain and it would result in soapy cuddles or chaotic sex. Now you seemed to be avoiding him like he were a plague ridden rat, and it seriously got under his skin. For the last week he had been justifying your behaviour with assumptions as the others had, desperately trying not to spiral with the idea of you leaving him, but now he no longer had the bandwidth to stop his feeling of rejection from taking over.
He stepped closer to the curtain with a frustrated huff.
"No you're not. Why are you avoiding me, Y/N? What have I done wrong?" He demanded.
The shredded hurt in his voice was nauseating to hear - you had no idea what to do, and some part of that uncertainty turned into defence.
"You've done nothing wrong... Jus-Just leave me alone." You replied in a tone intended to be harsh, however the stammering was an easy reveal of your true feeling - fear.
There were then a few moments of silence and you thought that maybe Sirius had left, but he hadn't. He was stood there thinking. The sudden idea that you could be hurting yourself - something that had occurred in the past - shot into his mind like James on the back of his broom and in a split decision of panic, he yanked the curtain open.
From your crouched position on the floor, fully engulfed by the warm water, you gasped and hoped that he wouldn't see any of the marks, quickly crossing your arms over your chest. The shower was still running and the steam was obscuring his view slightly, but he instantly saw the bruises on your shoulders.
"What's that? Why are you hiding yourself?"
As if your sickening nerves couldn’t shake any harder - this was the last thing you’d wanted to happen. You tried to think of an excuse for the marks, as you had been for the last week, but there was still none. Not anything realistic.
Sirius bent down to your level and you didn’t resist or flinch at his touch now. He gently turned your arms over to see no new lines - much to his momentary relief. Then his eyes darted back in the direction of the shoulder bruises, but instead got stuck on the other marks littered across her chest; and that was when the rejection turned into rage. Hickies that weren't from him - he could’ve struck you were he not so devastated.
“That's why she's been acting weird? How could she do this to me?” His mind raced with a thousand questions. “Did I really let myself get weak for a girl just for her to cheat on me? How could I have been so foolish?”
Visibly disgusted, his eyes thinned and he stood up straight, looking away from you for a minute in fear that he might cry. This made it horrifically clear to you that you would have to tell him what happened now, or else risk losing your relationship forever.
"What the fuck?" He spat as you shakily stood up and turned the water off, un-crumpling and revealing whole body.
There were dark bruises not just on your top half, but also on your thighs and butt - something that only enraged Sirius more.
"So not only did you cheat on me, but you had a real good time with it too." He spat. His mind filled with images of some mystery man fucking you in a way that was only reserved for him on very special occasions. "You're a bitch, Y/N. Go have more fun with him, whoever he is, because I'm done!"
At this harsh statement, all the rage and tears that you had been hiding burst out. Your lungs let out an aching sob and your arms harshly shoved the Gryffindor's chest - much to his confusion and surprise. He'd rarely ever seen you cry, let alone fully bawl, so his anger started to simmer down as he became confused again.
"Y-You think I wanted this?" Despite your choked wetness, the vicious anger in your tone was clear - the words being spoke through clenched teeth. "You think I had a good fucking time?"
It took a second for the boy to understand, his mind processing a million thoughts a second, but when it finally clicked he felt his heartbeat slow and his face go hot. A lump formed in his throat and his hands started to shake as his eyes scanned all of the marks again, now in a completely different light, now realising that they weren’t the stains from lovemaking but in fact injuries.
"You mean to tell me that someone.. forced themself on you?" His words were just above a whisper, barely remaining any composure as he looked into your crying eyes. Crying eyes that he had so desperately tried to make contact with for the last week and now couldn’t escape from.
A small nod was all he needed to feel his heart drop into his stomach.
If he thought he felt sick before, that was nothing. The combination of shock, anger and sadness, along with the fact that he'd just made an assumption and broken his own heart a moment beforehand was a lot to process, but the boy knew he needed to swallow it down and look after you now.
He quickly, tightly wrapped his arms around you and held you into his chest as you finally fell apart; not caring about how wet your body still was.
"I'm so sorry sweetie. I'm so sorry." He cooed, placing gentle kisses onto your head. "Please forgive me, I shouldn't have said that shit, I had no idea."
Through his calm tone and soft actions, you'd never guess that he was seething with rage. White hot, burning rage like nothing he'd ever felt before.
How dare anyone hurt his princess. Let alone in such a vile manner. He would surely kill the perpetrator.
But then there came the appalling rage towards himself for not getting it out of you sooner. He couldn’t believe that he’d just gone straight to assumptions and hadn’t even asked - for a whole week. He felt vile for ever thinking you’d cheat on him, for saying those awful things and most of all, for not being there in the first place to have stopped it from happening.
Now that the floodgates had opened you couldn’t stop it. More sobs fell from your mouth, each chord adding a stone to the weight in Sirius’ gut. Your hands gripped onto him like you were afraid that he would leave, and he found himself suddenly dumbfounded with concern. He let you cry for a short while longer, saying nothing, scared that he would say the wrong thing, until he felt your muscles weaken and realised how exhausted you must’ve been.
“Let’s get you into bed. Come on, darling.” He whispered.
And now that your angry, defensive wall of denial had been entirely broken down, all you could do was weakly nod and follow his lead.
He flicked his wand to summon your clothes and a towel, and then started to gently drying your back and hair whilst you slowly removed yourself from the safety of his chest. The soft, sorry tone of it all would’ve made you embarrassed were you not so lost in your emotions already, struggling to catch your breath in amongst the tears whilst getting dressed. There was no longer any energy inside of you to act like you were okay, and even as you travelled through the largely empty Gryffindor tower you were unable to stop the crying.
Sirius kept his arm wrapped tightly around you, gently cooing as you leant heavily into him. Eventually though, he decided to scoop up your trembling, fragile frame and to carry you the rest of the way - the trip certainly shorter with his fast, long legs and less uncomfortable for you. You needed to be hidden inside the safety of his warmth - he knew that. He also knew that you absolutely would not want to speak to your friends in that moment, and so as he passed through the common room he gave them a look to say "stay out of it" and sped up the stairs to his dorm. They had previously stopped questioning Lily but now seeing the red, teary face of yourself and determined face of Sirius; the questions fired up again.
"Is she okay?" Remus asked quietly before turning quickly to the redhead "Her parents didn't do anything, did they?" The anger building up behind his eyes at the sight of you crying was visible to everyone. He'd always been one of your best friends - somewhat like an older brother throughout your time at Hogwarts - and Lily knew that the truth would hurt him bad, something that made her even more nervous.
James and Peter were also visibly worried, shooting Lily the same questioning look.
"It wasn't her parents." The girl sighed stressfully.
"Well what happened then?" James added, earning a glare from his girlfriend as she stood up.
"I already told you guys I can't tell you, it's not mine to tell." She answered, annoyed. "I'm sure Sirius will tell you all there is to know at some point. I'm going to bed."
In truth, the girl was a lot more upset by what had happened to her friend than she'd been allowing herself to feel. You had always been the tough one out of the two of you; even as the looming threat of all out war waged on and your parents became crueler, your outer strength had hardly faltered. If there was one thing that Lily had known for certain about you, it was that you’d always be fine. You were your own worst enemy and nobody could truly hurt you besides yourself.
But now that wasn’t true, and she knew nothing for certain. The mortality of her loved ones suddenly seemed so much more real. It wasn’t that she’d never considered that something truly awful could happen to any of her friends at any moment and she would have no power to stop it - of course she had. But it had never felt so apparent before.
The fact that muggle boys had dared to scare and violate her best friend like that also filled her with an anger she'd never felt before; a fierce protectiveness that she didn't even know she had. Once the boys found out about it she was sure that they'd be just as - if not more - angry than she was. It would only be a matter of time until the perpetrators would get their comeuppance, but still she felt an uncomfortable guilt and struggled to get to sleep - worrying about her best friend.
Meanwhile, Sirius gently placed you down onto his messy bed, pulling the sheets over you and quietly shushing. His eyes darted around the room for the chest of potions the boys had stashed but he couldn't see it and didn't want to leave your side, so he decided he'd find it in the morning and crawled straight into bed with you.
The unrelenting force of your continued sobs, though they were gradually quieting, sent a pang of pain through Sirius’ chest as he envisioned the trauma that you’d experienced mentally and physically. That pang only deepened into a sear when you flinched at the feel of his skin reconnecting with yours, his arms pulling you tightly into his chest. He was slightly relieved to be feeling your touch so closely again after a week of what had felt like torture, but any positive feeling was hugely overshadowed by the weight in his gut.
Part of you still feared a change in his reaction; that he would refuse to go where another man had been, that he would push you out of his bed in the morning and call you a whore. But his evident care allowed the logical part of your brain to decide that that wouldn’t happen, even if the emotional part didn’t agree.
"I'm sorry Sirius, I know it must be gross to touch me now." You quietly cried, as if his heart couldn't break for you anymore. "I should've done more to stop it, I-I shouldn't have trusted him. Please don't be mad at me."
"Stop talking like that, darling. Please. This isn't your fault." He whispered. "I should've been there to protect you, or I should've tried harder to make you come to Prong's with me... I promise that this isn't your fault and I promise that I'm not mad... so please don't say that."
His calm facade was starting to break, with every word he felt his voice getting closer to a crack and his eyes almost started to water. He tried not to retrace over every one of your words but he couldn’t stop himself. ‘I should’ve done more to stop it’ - What did that mean? Had you had to fight off whoever this guy was? Had you been cornered and hurt? Had you been threatened?
He swallowed and took a deep breath in through his nostrils, then spoke again in a whisper.
“Do you think you could tell me what happened though, angel? Can you tell me who the guy is?”
He felt like an asshole for asking those questions as soon as they’d come out though, your sobbing starting to increase in pace again and your body going tight. You started to speak, but all that came out were messy, half coherent pleas.
“Don-Don’t think I’m a whore, please” was all that Sirius made out before gently shushing you again, deciding it was unwise to push for answers in your current state.
“Sssh, it’s okay, princess. Let’s just go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, remember? Everything will be okay. You’re safe. I’m here. I love you.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and then continuing to speak comforting statements until he finally felt your body relax.
The emotional turmoil of that day had completely wiped you out and despite your internal turmoil, the soft vibration of your boyfriend’s deep voice and warm chest was a comfort you’d greatly missed, sending you to sleep like a baby. Sirius, unsurprisingly, was completely unable to even consider shutting his eyes.
It wasn't long until the rest of the marauders arrived in the dorm, going quiet once they saw you asleep and the bewildered look on Sirius' face. He didn't even turn to acknowledge them, his eyes staring blankly at the bed post.
"Are you okay, mate?" James asked in a low voice.
He wasn't. But he couldn't talk about it right then, so his eyes remained on the bed post and he slowly shook his head.
"I'll talk in the morning." He muttered and soon after, everyone else was asleep.
Reblogging is allowed and appreciated! So are comments - I love reading comments. Another part is due to be uploaded when I have the energy to edit it and if anyone asks for it. Alsoo if anyone needs to talk about any of the things mentioned in this story my dms are open! Stay safe, love y’all <3
