I’ll never forget the conversation I had with my ex guy friend a few years ago. We were 24. And he was talking about this girl he met at work that he really liked. She was 17.
He was telling me how he liked her, and didn’t want to have sex with her until she was 18, and he just wanted to date her cuz sex would be “wrong”
But here’s what struck me about the conversation. When listing all the things he liked about her, not one of them was ABOUT her. It was about how much she like him and was interested in him and his life in his hobbies. How she found everything he did was amazing and cool.
And here’s where it really hit home for me “she’s not like girls our age” (I guess forgetting he was speaking to a girl his age) But what he meant by that wasn’t that she was special, what he meant was “she’s not old enough to have met more interesting people to compare me to” and “she’s not experienced enough to fight me on my bull shit”
Because of course a teenage girl is gonna find a 24 year old man who has a nice car, a money to pay for things and the freedom to be involved in all his fun hobbies, of course she’s gonna find all that Amazing. Cuz she’s in highschool. Where as “girls his age” expect that. It’s not cool and amazing. Girls his age expect more. Girls his age also aren’t gonna fall for cheesey one liners and compliments, especially not in the same way an insecure still figuring herself out teenage girl is.
And let me tell you, this guy was no “loser” when it came to women. He was popular, good looking, everyone knew him, and for a lack of better words he “got around” But when it came to serious relationships I’m sure he heard a mouthful from the few women he dated “get a stable job so you can move out of your parents house” (and look no shade, the economy is rough but if you’re dating someone and they’re not even looking for jobs it’s annoying and trust me there was no fire under his ass to try) You know who he isn’t gonna hear that from? A teenage girl in highschool.
Thankfully nothing came of this. But what I really want to say, young people, if an older person is interested in you don’t trust them. Especially if you’re in highschool or just getting out of highschool. They don’t think you’re special, they think you’re not gonna be able to see their flaws. They’re trying to feed their ego. Cuz guess what? You are special. And you deserve every opportunity to figure out how goddamn special you are and be able to find someone just as special as you, and find you just as special and be able to have healthy equal relationships with that person. But that person who’s 6, 7- 10 years older than you isn’t interested in how special you are. They’re interested in how special you make them feel. And they will manipulate you to keep it that way.
Older people, keep your friends in check. Like I said, this guy wasn’t a loser, he didn’t have a history of dating young girls, he championed women’s rights, LGBT rights- you name it. White knighted his way past my ability to see thru his facade. Took me way to long to see what a shitty person he was.
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