utopia @mentoillnessposting - Tumblr Blog

just an fyi I am alive and kicking. I know my last post was a bit vague and odd. my mental health took a nosedive around august of last year after going through one of the worst splits I've ever experienced (10+ new alters) alongside a host change, and it took me a very long time to meaningfully recover from it. the old host was also the one who made this account to begin with and it felt a little weird posting on it since I didn't really know what to put.

anyway I am considering remaking a system blog because frankly this blog has been broken since like 2023 and the staff still haven't fixed it (to the point I can't even delete this blog because tumblr doesn't seem to register it exists). I may at some point make another system blog but I don't know if I have any particularly novel insight anymore. I probably will at least have a more matured sense of what it's like to live as a system.

#also sorry for deleting systememergency I was kinda going through it and did not want to be perceived anymore #I was upset because they weren't fronting as much and having that blog was reminding me of them #anyway ig I'll link it here if I ever decide formerly to remake my blog but for now I'm just chilling

mentoillnessposting

Letting loose the reigns of this account. It's in some parallel dimension not even tumblr can register I fear, causing a shift in the time break thus rendering me unable to delete it. I'm now entirely comprised of numbers

mentoillnessposting

I'm too lazy to delete any shit that's too personal so idk. until the day it dies or rather I can kill it lmao

Letting loose the reigns of this account. It's in some parallel dimension not even tumblr can register I fear, causing a shift in the time break thus rendering me unable to delete it. I'm now entirely comprised of numbers

girl named poorly drawn physiology of the eye

#psychology

spoonie-living

Psychiatric medications can interfere with the body's ability to regulate temperature, and most patients don't know, experts say.

Just a little PSA for all our mental health (and chronic pain*) spoonies out there! A lot of doctors neglect to mention this little side effect, which means a lot of us are suffering extra from the heat without knowing why.

*Many psych meds are used to treat chronic pain as well, if you didn’t know!

spooniestrong

murderandjam

What?!

that-gay-jedi

This screenshot is like art. The underpublicization of this fact, the encroach of climate injustices enacted by the hyperwealthy into every other aspect of social struggle, the asterisk at the end reminding us this is not an exhaustive list.

*deep sigh* why did one of my alters leave rotting food in our closet

#well at least I finally found where those dishes went LMAO

hasdrubal-gisco

heartwarming that after half a millennium of psychiatrists diagnosing everyone with random nonsense we've finally found an objectively correct system with which to diagnose people with things that are 100% real

itsaspectrumcomic

Sometimes it feels like everyone around me is speaking in a secret language and I'm the only one who doesn't know it.

mentoillnessposting

If you ever want to know what researching DID is like:

mentoillnessposting

I've started reading about Bennett Braun. Uh oh.

#I keep finding more accusations of patient abuse #what the absolute fuck have I stumbled across #I've found out he apparently thought there were Communists in the FBI and CIA eating babies ??????#very QAnon core #edit: he got BANNED from treating patients with DID?? holy fucking shit I desperately need to find the investigation of this now

If you ever want to know what researching DID is like:

#(Also I always write my research notes like an HBomberguy video because I'm incapable of being normal)#osddid #did system #psychology research

Worst part of researching DID is that Freud is everywhere. Literally go away dude oh my god

#I hate this man he makes researching psychology so unbearable #Whenever someone mentions Sigmund Freud or Paul Ekman I physically sink into my own skin #Oooh let me hear more about theories from a man who has had most of his science discredited #God forbid a girl goes down a rabbithole trying to figure out the origin for the term “polyfragmented” smh #osddid #psychology #psychopathology #psychology research

mentoillnessposting

I fear I may have gotten too chronically in DID spaces and forgot that DID is treated with a large amount of stigma in the psychiatry field

mentoillnessposting

Me: I'll only tell mental health professionals about my DID because I know that if I tell everyday people they'll take it poorly

My mental health professionals about to take my DID extremely poorly every step of the way:

#Idk why it never occurred to me that like... yeah mental health professionals are also people lmao #The same people around me who hold huge misconceptions about DID are the same people working in these fields #Including ones who only know it from shit like Split or think it's like... magical #Literally one of my stupid ass therapists got tricked my an alter so hard he thought it was a “version of us without our trauma”#Because I guess therapists just lose their brain and forget that alters aren't always going to be 100% honest + on “our side”

I fear I may have gotten too chronically in DID spaces and forgot that DID is treated with a large amount of stigma in the psychiatry field

#I really fucked myself with my unhealthy thought patterns that I had to medicalize every one of my conditions huh?#I should've just self diagnosed looking back tbh like I had every right to and the official diagnosis never really helped #All well I'm going to try my best to get it scrubbed from my chart #Fortunately I've already gotten the specialist's diagnosis scrubbed but I got two DID diagnoses so :/ yeah #osddid #osddid system #dissociative identity disorder #did system #system things #did #mental health

fleeing my apartment in the middle of the night was not on my 2024 bingo card

#I'm okay btw 👍#just been a crazy week #(sorry if my posts have been very obvious out of it and sporadic #unfortunately when one bad thing starts they all happen at once)#vent

twistcmyk

Trying not to believe I'm cursed but then I see my string of luck and am like "Holy fuck maybe I am cursed"

#LIKE OKAY I know this is an OCD thing but listen #growing up the joke was that I was cursed and that's why I'd always end up in unfavourable situations #now my friends all joke that I'm cursed and that I can never catch a break #and to top it all off when I asked my therapist what I was doing wrong in my interpersonal relationships... want to know what he said?#he gave me just sort of an uncertain surprised expression and said “I think you're just unlucky”#????? what the fuck is going on ???? even therapists think I'm unlucky ???#I don't even believe in luck but what sick god did I piss off LMAO

My favourite activity is getting into unfavourable circumstances and trusting people I shouldn't

#this isn't a super serious vent or anything at this point I'm just flabbergasted how this keeps happening #one of my friends when they first met me were like “nooo things are going to get better. I mean bad luck isn't a thing :)”#and after awhile they're like “I'm convinced you fucked with the state of the universe and you're being punished” LMAO #vent

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