Mercin' 9 to 5!

wade wilson 🗡 deadpool affiliated 🔫 'poold by v

[mercinhard]

@heartconvict​​ || it’s party time!

  “So. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. But what I do know is one thing.” He pauses, his serious, thoughtful expression brightening. “I mean, okay. I know more than one thing, I just mean in the context of this cool, kinda mysterious meeting we’re having here.” And then he’s back to serious, using the back of his hand as a barrier as he leans in closer - as if his mask doesn’t already make lip-reading impossible. “We gotta eat, you feel me? So here’s what I’m thinking.”

  Wade reaches into his fanny pack, producing a map of the grounds with key locations (food stalls) carefully marked (with pink crayon). Clearly he’s a professional at this. “I’ll be the distraction, you swoop in and get the goods from here, here, aaand... here. Anything we can’t eat, we give away to orphans or... old people! Or orphaned old people! Or your friends, I guess that works too. So? You in?”

[mercinhard]

@prophetessblue​​ || it’s party time!

  “WOO, YEAH!! i LOVE THE FR*CKIN SAGES!” His cries of enthusiasm can be heard down the street, but no one seems to mind amidst all the festivities. Why, exactly, Wade is so excited for a foreign festival is perhaps the biggest mystery of the year, but no one’s going to bring his mood down, it seems.

  “Here!” He lowers the flag he’d been running around with and displaying like a cape in favor of reaching into his fanny pack to produce a handful of firecrackers. He hands a few to a pleasant-looking stranger with a wide smile behind his mask. “Happy Solstice - you’re lookin’ a little blue, so let’s party! You know how to work these?”

[dead-mercenary-pool]

[mercinhard]

@jesteresss​ || it’s party time!

  “So, I know we’re in the Northern Sector right now, but I’m definitely thinking we need to hit Kester Park and Southern before we call it a night. I need to win you at least three giant stuffed animals that you’ll have absolutely no way to carry home without getting dirt and mud all over, and you have to do the strength test. Really flex those muscles for me, Harls. I’m a slut for biceps.” His mind is going almost as fast as his mouth - there are a million and one things he wants to do with Harley, and it’s no small blessing she’s as hyper as he is on his better days - most other people would have long since been scared off by his excitement. “But first, we grab some street food. I was thinking it would be more romantic to end the night with fireworks, but I am not a slut for walking further than I need to, so I figure we can eat, hit up the fireworks, and end the night with the games and stuff in the Southern Sector. Plus saving the prizes for last means we don’t have to awkwardly shift everything around.”

  Finally, Wade takes a proper breath - leaving Harley with enough time to at least process what he said. Hopefully. He knows he probably should have ditched the mask by now, but... it’s not really his vibe, if you will. At least he’s wearing a fun tourist button up over the suit, and a comfy pair of pink crocs. “Anyway. Food. Or, uh... drinks?” Smooth, Wade. Smooth. You’re a real pro at this whole ‘dating’ thing, my guy.

[mercinhard]

maybe he’s born with it

     Just when Ramuda had thought he’d seen some interesting folk, there came a guy in full costume. Was he a cosplayer ? Did he not have any  NORMAL  clothes ? Come to think of it, he supposed everyone was  LUCKY  to have been transported during more or less suitable times and not a more unfavorable situation. Just the thought of showing up mid-shower was almost enough to make him shiver. Just almost. With a small  SKIP  in his step, he walked over to the other, hiding in his shadow for a moment while he took in their appearance.

          It didn’t seem like the costume was made from cheap fabric. Maybe they were serious about their cosplay ? “ So do you  ALWAYS  walk around in this, mister ? Or were you at a costume party before you got here ? ”

                                             『 @mercinhard​​​ 』

  Honestly, Wade appreciates the fact that he can just walk down the street without someone trying to shoot him in the face or stab him in the back. Or shoot him in the butt back, or stab him in the face. It is weird not to have the usual horde of screaming fangirls/fanboys/fannonbinaries following him like he’s the next J*stin B*eber. Ok... that last one is really more something he dreams, but it’s important to have big goals.

  And it’s back to reality when some kid just comes skipping on over. Wade’s brought out of his daydreaming by the sound of a friendly enough voice, and there’s a brief sigh, but the question is innocent enough. “Well... not always. Sometimes I get caught in explosions or convenient fires that render me naked, or near-naked. Other times I’m dressed up in variations - something more three-piecey, something more D*llar St*re variety - and other times I just dress up as other people for fun. Y’see, I’m what people back home might call a Superhero. Or an Antihero, I guess. Depending on how accurate you wanna get. Basically, I kill people for money. Usually bad people, but hey. Gotta keep the lights on and the tacos a-flowin’, you know what I mean? The mask is pretty much a staple, though. Trust me when I say you don’t want to see my face unless you’re trying to lose your lunch on purpose.” His first pause, finally, for a breath. “What about you? Do you always dress like a fashionable youth, or were you at the local G*cci before you got here?”

[mercinhard]

  I know you’re thinking “V how many replies do you owe, hello” BUT LISTEN. it’s party time, folks. Like this if you want a sages’ solstice thread! they’ll be super light hearted and short, but with potential to grow. Cap for now is 3, because i do want to eventually get to my other stuff too!

[vraelgard]

Every year in summer, the citizens of Vraelgard celebrate the solstice, fine weather, and blessings granted to them by the Sages. The entire country becomes adorned with brightly colored decorations. Many homes and businesses display large banners inscribed with wishes the creators pray for the Sages to fulfill: wishes of hope, peace, love – and some who long for more material things, such as fame or fortune. Regardless of their desires, it becomes obvious that a festival is in progress simply by viewing the decorations and the excited atmosphere. Even the most taciturn citizens seem to brighten as the festival comes near. These festivities aren’t open for just natives to Vraelgard; those from other worlds and different countries are welcomed to participate with open arms. It’s the perfect opportunity for those foreigners to try cuisine unique to Vraelgard and engage in local customs. The celebration lasts two weeks and is filled with music, performances, games, and food stands. It may even be a chance for commoners to interact more closely with the nobles. After all, even Princess Lilliana takes time out of her day to thank the Sages with a festival.

Keep reading

[mercinhard]

clown pal​

What was it that princess had said? Not to wander around late at night? Something like that. It wasn’t like Harley had been paying much attention to the pre-recorded message of her new monarch anyway and in typical Harley fashion, she’d find out things the hard way: by getting herself into stupid situations. 

So far there had been nothing to worry about. It was quiet and she couldn’t sleep so she took a walk, no big deal… until she was ambushed by another familiar face. Mask? Whatever. It didn’t matter. She scoffed at his remark, adjusting her grip on her amazing new inflatable mallet. 

“You only got me ‘cuz I let ya, DP. I heard ya comin’ a mile away.” It was joke, of course, but she was still pleased to see him if her smile was anything to go by. However she was going to take him up on his offer and without warning she whacked him with the toy mallet as hard as she could, knowing it would do little to no damage because… it was inflatable. “We gotta take a rain check on the fuckin’ ya up, though. As ya can see, I ain’t got my toys. Sorry! When did’ja get here anyway?”

  “Dammit! I took the crocs off and everything, and I made sure to hold in this massive fart, just in case it wasn’t a silent but deadly.” He sighs in disappointment, head hanging down with a small shake. He’ll get her next time. Deadpool tucks the laser gun away in a holster, then lifts his head to return to his usual cheery self. 

  “They took your stuff too? Well, at least we know it wasn’t them getting back at my white male privilege.” There’s a smile behind the mask as he rubs at his bonked head - that was cute, and he completely understands why she’s a dog person. Dogs love her, women want to be her. “When I got here... well, that’s a tough question to answer, Harls. In the timeline of our conversation, technically I got here today, but sometimes people get distracted and end up taking a week - almost two - to get back to people.”

  “Let’s just make it easy and say two days after you got here. Have you gotten into any trouble yet? Because I was just thinking that this is probably the longest I’ve ever gone without someone chasing me with some kind of weapon and yelling my name in the exact same tone of voice my dad used to use.” He raises a hand - two fingers specifically, and the mischievous grin is clearly visible beneath the mask. “I had two ideas. The first, we blow something up. The second, we start a small business and become moguls with so much money we start calling people ‘peasants’. Thoughts?”

[mercinhard]

moonman

“Most likely no more messed up than executing one of our own via other means.” Why use rocks when you had lunar technology to do so for you? 

“Of course, we are talking about the moon, where you can simply throw anything you don’t like upwards into space.” Not really, unless you had rocket ships and other such tech, but this mortal didn’t have to know that~

  “Wait, you’re actually from the moon? I was just fucking around.”

  The mask is replaced snug and comfy, and the slushie is tucked away somewhere, somehow. Movie magic, as they say, he’ll find it later. “Aren’t there some moral quandaries about throwing stuff up into space? Isn’t that like... galactic littering? There are these guys called the Guardians of the Galaxy, I’m pretty sure they’ll give you a ticket for that.”

[mercinhard]

❝ four or five moments. that’s all it takes.

SHAMELESS SELF PLUG STARTERS.

  “Oh fuck, not this again. Wait, you haven’t seen my movie, have you? No? Good. Whew, okay, because I can’t take that fucking speech again, once was enough. ‘Four or five moments, that’s all it takes to be a hero,’ blah blah blah, don’t shoot that guy in the head Wade, let him go, Wade, what would a hero do, Wade. A guy can only take so much. Anyway, four or five moments - what were you talking about? Was that a joke about my stamina in bed, because I’ll have you know I once made three minutes last a whole year.”

[mercinhard]

i don’t wanna see that or think of it again.

SHAMELESS SELF PLUG STARTERS.

  “I’m not trying to be gross, Ives. I’m just saying, sometimes people get shot in the butt, and it takes a lot of effort to get the bullet out. You can’t just leave that bad boy up main street. Yeah, it’ll eventually come out on its own, but that’s one heckin’ hunk’a chunk to pass, you know? Yeah, you know.”

[mercinhard]

DEADPOOL SENTENCE STARTERS

   feel free to change pronouns/names and censor as needed !

❝ he is as dishonorable as he is attractive. 

❝ love is a beautiful thing. when you find it, the whole world tastes like daffodil daydream.

❝ 12 bullets or bust.

❝ how about a crisp high five?

❝ i’ve never said this, but don’t swallow.

❝ here, protein bar. good for bones.

❝ what the shit-biscuit?!

❝ and yeah, technically this is a murder.

❝ some of the best love stories start with a murder.

❝ you need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. they’re jeans, not a chandelier.

❝ i’m living to 102 and then dying, like the city of detroit.

❝ what’s a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?

❝ it’s like i made you in a computer.

❝ life is like a train wreck with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.

❝ you’re clowning. you’re not clowning? i sense clowns.

❝ i’m about to do to you what limp biskit did to music.

❝ i’m gonna boombox careless whisper outside your window.

❝ you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one. like slap chop. more shake weight-y.

❝ i had a liam neeson nightmare. i dreamt i kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it.

❝ i wasn’t talking to you, i was talking to them.

❝ i’m all about long sullen silences followed by mean comment, followed by more sullen silence.

❝ i don’t wanna see that or think of it again.

❝ this is not gonna end well for you, no.

❝ ikea doesn’t assemble itself, you know.

❝ i wish i never heard of craigslist.

❝ you think ryan reynolds got this far based on his superior acting method?

❝ you can’t buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes.

❝ that’s the shit emoji, you know it’s the turd with the smiling face and the eyes?

❝ i was gonna spend the night assembling the borje but this is holding my interest.

❝ i told you we’re going with the urvaj not the borje, get it through your head or get out of fucktown.

❝ it’s me, deadpool and i’ve got an offer that you can’t refuse.

❝ twinkly, but deadly.

❝ my romantic rival, bandhu, he’s tied up in the trunk.

❝ she’s gonna do a superhero landing, wait for it.

❝ language, please.

❝ four or five moments. that’s all it takes.

❝ you, chicken noodle. nothing compares to you.

[mercinhard]

  “Oh no... oh fuck. Guys, I don’t have my Pl*yst*tion anymore. How am I supposed to play F*rtnite? I worked so hard to get in that game!” This is the worst possible outcome. “I miss my party boat already...”

[mercinhard]

anime boy

“How do you see out of that mask?” 

He couldn’t help but blurt out in surprise. The person’s arrival caused him to twist himself up in his sword form. Ultimately, he ended up crashed in the dirt. The young swordsman liked to practice out in the open which had proven the incorrect move with how easily he’d been distracted by a passerby. Cress would have given him a scolding.

Cloaks were a more familiar sight to his eyes. A full mask like that looked like something Vicious could use for a prank if he could hide his hair. Note to self: don’t mention it to the gunman when he saw him next. It could be a good idea for a disguise too. If he got his question answered.

He rose up on his elbows and looked up at the red figure in embarrassment. His next movements were to try to get up from his place on the ground.

  “It depends on the writer and the medium.” His answer was quick enough, and one he got more often than one might expect. There’s a nonchalant shrug, though perhaps that’s not the best answer.

  “Sometimes it’s animated, other times it’s just comic book logic. I guess the easiest answer for this specific mask is the eye holes have some sort of Stark technology I probably stole that like... enhance my vision so it’s not tunneled or anything. Nothing fancy like scanners or a HUD or built in cameras, unfortunately.” Honestly, even Deadpool isn’t sure how he sees out of the thing half the time. Or how his eyes still work after all the absolute chaos they’ve been through. When he sees the kid go to stand, Wade offers a hand in assistance. “You training there, bud? I’m a mercenary, one of the best in fact, and for the right price, I could give you a lesson or two. What do you say?”

[mercinhard]

@sleptsin​​ || sc. 

  Wade’s met plenty of hobos before, so seeing a guy laying down for what he assumes is a nap in public like this isn’t jarring in the slightest. Reminds him of home, sweet home. And the X-Mansion, those kids are practically feral. Anyway, he approaches casually and sits himself down nearby with what can only be described as a Dad Grunt.

  “When you stop and just sit still like this, do you ever think about the decisions you’ve made in your life, and the choices that have brought you here? To where you are today?” He kicks his feet up, perfectly vibing. “Do you ever think about the genius inventions you’ve created, and how you didn’t get the chance to get them patented? And how someone may steal your invention, leaving you even more broke than you thought possible?” A pause as his eyes narrow in deep, deep contemplation. “Me neither, all I can think about is how this place doesn’t have a single T*co B*ll.”

[mercinhard]

@poisonivley​ || sc.

  Wade has really had a roller coaster of an arrival. Losing his cool, cool swords and his cool, cool guns and his favorite fast food chain has really taken a toll. He’s weakened more than he ever thought he could be - stripped of all that makes him The Amazing Deadpool-Man. Or so he thought, and then he happens upon a vaguely familiar looking woman with long red hair and an affinity for Green.

  “Wait a minute... who are you?” She looks too familiar to be a real stranger... an ex, maybe? A cashier from the Fantasy Costco-Denny’s? He’s been there a lot lately, apparently it’s where all your dreams come true - and they’ve got a deal for you. No... she’s definitely too hot to be someone he’s met and forgotten. That thought at once lights a bulb in his brain cell, and he pounds the bottom of his fist down on his palm. “Poison Ivy? Oh shit, is that you? You’re looking, uh... less green. Normally I’d say it’s a good thing that someone isn’t green, but this feels like the worst kind of white-washing compared to usual. Are you okay? That’s a dumb question. Let me try again. Do you need some fertilizer, or uh... sunlight? A distraction, that’s what you need.” His hands move quickly to lift the bottom of his mask, revealing the lower half of his face. “Do you wanna murder-kiss me again?”

[mercinhard]

Important note that I forgot to mention elsewhere.

Deadpool has scarring on his vocal cords. In comics, his speech bubbles are always yellow compared to the normal white, and it’s because his voice sounds “different” than others. Some people speculate it’s because of his fourth wall breaking, others have written it chalked up to be to the sound of his voice. It’s confirmed his voice is gravelly/rough, and husky, though I don’t think it’s exceptionally deep. Just very rough. Feel free to mention it in threads!