Seriously tho I would LOVE to see more nonbinary muses in the RP community. Like I can’t guarantee my muse wouldn’t misgender them based upon their perceptions or preconceived notions/IC biases, but I as the mun am 1000% here for more nonbinary representation and exploring the experiences of nonbinary individuals through fiction.
Bless the existence of nonbinary MUSES and bless the MUNS who write them.
(And the people who don’t respect either of the above can fuck off right quick tbh.)
I agree with your post of course, but please consider that nonbinary people such as myself create nonbinary characters for our representation and that having your character misgender ours might be a bit damaging or callous, especially since you’re assuming you’ll be able to know the gender they were assigned at birth.
Just a thought.
I do understand that, and I’d never dream of expecting anyone to continue a thread if they found it hurtful. All I meant was that my muse might not immediately realize that another muse prefers, say, they/them pronouns as opposed to he/his or she/her pronouns, until corrected. It’d be a matter of what the character perceives upon meeting them for the first time, not a matter of purposeful misgendering on their or my part.
And I’m not saying my character would be right to do it (because they wouldn’t be), only that my OOC knowledge and use of a nonbinary muse’s preferred pronouns won’t always translate into my own muse’s narration, particularly if my muse isn’t familiar with nonbinary gender identities.
But regardless, I’m always listening and I don’t want to talk over nonbinary people (being a ciswoman myself). I only wanted to clarify what I meant in my original post, and I am sorry for any hurt or discomfort it may have caused you.
I understand the difference between a character choice and a personal belief- misgendering is a very touchy subject, and you would need to talk to the mun about that beforehand before letting your character misgender them. I’m not trying to imply you don’t know the difference and that you would personally misgender someone, but it is a big deal for some, and people use tumblr to escape their ooc lives- misgendering can bring that back.
Also you didn’t address what I was trying to say- that you might not be able to perceive them as either gender, and that you’re assuming the character in question would present as male or female.
I’m not hurt of uncomfortable, I just wanted to express my opinion on this subject because I don’t want to see anyone hurt. Also, minor but important- you’re a cis woman. Transwoman and ciswoman imply that being trans or cis is directly attached to being a woman, and when someone calls a trans woman a ‘transwoman’ they are othering them from ‘normal woman.’
Okay, this is rather unfair. I’m genderqueer and as much as I wish we lived in a world where our gender was as readable as physical features--
We don’t.
And unless the characters in question live in a world that has such luxuries, or if that character is a mind-reader ( like Cole ), I don’t see how it’s reasonable for gender to be deciphered.
Gender is cultural and it’s mental. It’s not something you can just glean. You know that as well as I. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to get it right unless you look like expected image of your gender. And if you’re anything other than ‘she’ and ‘he’? Even tougher.
But that’s the way it is in the real world, and often times, that’s the way it works in the fictional worlds we play in. Dragon Age is a medieval, dark fantasy world. It’s made for a modern audience but it still has the mentality of an older time. Doesn’t mean no one gets it, the Qunari do. And other characters don’t make much of a fuss. But even then, the most open thing your Inquisitor can say to Krem is ‘I accept that you’re a man but why?’, which is pretty ick but that’s because their cultural view of gender works that way (for some of the races).
That’s what they perceive based on their background. Characters do it, people do it. And I understand what you mean about escape, but it doesn’t happen like that. I mean, I’ve been misgendered. And by a fellow nonbinary to boot. I was playing on my Felix account, who is absolute trashbag of a human being. He was being misogynistic and calling their character ‘she’ since they were feminine in appearance. They came at me with the same argument you’re giving coupled with the blessed “you poor, poor cis-soul, let me cure your ignorance” tone. Which is pretty crummy but hey, everyone makes assumptions.
Including non-binary. I mean, even assuming a character is genderqueer is assuming something.
But I digress. The point is, it’s unrealistic to expect someone else’s character is gonna know your character’s correct gender. It’s just not going to happen unless they meta. It’s like assuming that every stranger is gonna know your name. But, if that’s what it takes to make you feel comfortable, that you don’t ever want to have your character correct someone else-- then that’s on you, not the other Mun.
It’s for you, your comfort. So it’s your responsibility. You’re gonna have to make that clear by putting it in your rules or somewhere noticeable on your blog that anyone you RP with needs to meta-game gender. Which, if that’s how you want to roll, then all the power to you.
And on the topic of identity, what’s this about terminology? I know plenty of women who proudly call themselves transwomen. I know plenty of people who are very proud to be a part of the T in LGBTQ+. You can’t tell them they’re wrong. You don’t get to tell them they’re wrong either. If you don’t like the word, then don’t use it. That’s your personal preference.
That also goes for cis. That is the right term for what it denotes. It’s got nothing to do with ‘normal’ and everything to do with identifying with what you were assigned.
But trans, cis, or whatever category you fall under: those are different approaches to womanhood. Just like one race isn’t more human than the other, one approach isn’t more womanly than the other.
And telling someone they can’t identify as cis is pretty gnarly considering this is all about respecting identity.
