So let’s take that scene where Yara is basically working her way through a ‘Things Never to Say to a Trauma Survivor’ checklist 🤣 🥰 -dismissal, check; minimising, check; insult, check; trying to control him, check (& her worst blunder is probably the “I don’t care what you want!” line), etc. Now some were appalled and maybe it is appalling, HOWEVER (& here I won’t be talking of how Yara got her own damage and couldn’t do better, though that’s true also, but about what I find genuinely charming about it):
We all know that dismissal as response to harm/injustice is hurtful. I think this is a nearly universal hurt, in that, we’ve all experienced it to various degrees. What not all know, because not all have experienced it fully, I believe, is that being seen as object of horror/pity is very awful, also. Now I’ve spoken to enough people in life who’ve been hurt to know that many people fantasise about this response. It’s what the hurt/comfort fic trope is made of, I believe, the fantasy that someone notices and someone is horrified on your behalf. I am familiar with the fantasy & have no judgements. Undeniably, too, though, being looked at with fear, horror, pity, disgust, at the state of your body, at the state of your psyche, ‘scaring’ people with your ‘symptoms’, with a damage dealt, is in real a very wretched experience. It’s alienating, it’s crushing, it reinforces this sense of being an entity apart from humanity. It’s bad and I rather cherish memories of inappropriate little jokes, instead. Theon, of course, became a walking horror. What was DONE to you???? What have you become???? Who (what) are you??? Creepy, chilling, disgusting, nonhuman.
In light of that, a breathy little dismissal nearly feels like a breath of fresh air. She’s unfazed. It’s not “My brother is dead” any more, it’s “Pfff, you’ve had some bad years, haven’t we all, that’s all that is”, which, while inappropriate of course, still reinstates him as a) brother (kin) b) fellow human being with just universally human problems that can be understood and overcome. And for all its roughness I actually, in a really weird way, KIND OF like that.