Ok no, I do need to rant more
Stranger Things Spoilers ahead you have been warned.
How did you take such interesting, well rounded, dynamic characters and squash them into sad little 2-D cut outs in the span of two hours????
I could literally talk about every single character and have an essay's worth of content- seriously at this point the only consistent characters are Dr. Clark (thank God you at least were spared my friend) and Ted Wheeler who is blessedly still in his induced coma. Kinda jealous of Ted.
But for the sake of everyone's sanity I will stick to my precious Stancy babies.
They did you SO SO SO dirty. Not just as a ship but as people... Seriously WTF was this??
I wish we could have said- oh, sadly we didn't get any time for heart to heart conversations because there was too much important action... except it all played like a bad video game where you had 5 minutes of 'action' then we have to sit and wait while dialogue happens that you are like... ok can I skip over this? Will this be relevant to the plot at all? No? Ok cool. Then more action that isn't actually all that meaning full just looks of unearned moments that we are supposed to feel impressed by. It was emotional manipulation cheatcoded in the worst possible way and it just got boring.
The Steve fakeout death? Stupid. It was just stupid and unnecessary because the only purpose it served was to magically fix the Steve Jonathan friendship that maybe 5 Stonathan shippers were actually concerned about. (The rest of them were perfectly content with their slow burn enemies to lovers thank you very much)
You know what else would have fixed that relationship? Jonathan actually having to have some actual F***ing character growth and them having real conversations like adults. Not- Hey I saved your life to prove to everyone that I am not just a stoned out sweater thief who has let my crippling depression bring out the worst in me. See how I am now a fully actualized person. Apparently the only issue I have was solved by my breakup which I am going to tell you about now Steve because that seems like an appropriate thing to talk about right at this moment.
But it's ok, because apparently while Steve himself was rescued his entire personality fell off that tower. Jonathan is now his other best friend because I guess they are trauma bonded now? (Is Steve Jonathan's rebound??? He was awfully pushy about seeing if he would move.) Also he totally got over Nancy like... ages ago. Which... in that case why the hell were you flirting with her LITERALLY YESTERDAY???? Dustin had to have a breakdown about his fear that you were going to get yourself killed for this girl LESS THAN 24 HOURS AGO. But nah man it's cool. She needs to be a girlboss and I have decided that my life is in Hawkins with Derek... a character I have not interacted with at all this entire season but he is a fan favorite so HE is my child now.
Also despite the fact that even in quarantine Hawkins middle/high school (which as far as we know is the only school in this town) was fully operational and therefore fully staffed I will somehow be a fully tenured teacher with no degree in less than 10 months with enough money to buy a house that I dont need in a town that I am completely committed to out of nowhere but also maybe not because I could also just move... I am not really clear on that one. Also this job absolutely gives me the flexibility to commit to our new Poly group hangs in Philly once a month because why remember that airplanes exist when we can crash at Robin's uncles place.
And Nancy. Poor, poor Nancy. Do they hate you? Did someone named Nancy steal the Duffers puppy and drop it down a well???
They actually did reduce you down to just a love triangle... and then didn't even give you anything for it. You came in with a bang and went out like a whimper. But you know you still got to shoot things so clearly you had good character development right? Right? Oh wait sorry you can't talk anymore. LOL. Let me sit here and mourn the loss of the rest of your wardrobe along with your pink sweater. I assume Jonathan came back and stole the rest of it which explains why you are wearing Ted's jacket. And you couldn't stop him because you no longer have any agency left in you. But you know, you had a 2 second flash about Barb while Joyce Chopped of Vecna's head so clearly no trauma left whatsoever.
That definitely isn't the haircut of a girl who is day drinking.
On the bright side, at least you don't need as much therapy as your brother.
