meshl pls

28

[su-n-s-e-t]

[meshlpls]

don't really know where else to vent my feelings without seeming like i'm crying out for attention or sympathy but the last 36 hours have really turned my life upside down and i'm struggling

[nckdvs]

Night and Day Penthouse // © // NCK.DVS • Instagram

[constellatedlove]

subtle intimacy is so soft!! knowing someone’s routine and slowly becoming a part of it. memorising favourite teas and soups and drink orders. good morning and good night texts and messy paragraphs of love written half asleep. nicknames only you know. just!!! small things that say “look how dear you are to me.”

[meshlpls]

Also how the fuck am I 28 on Monday tell me someone please

[meshlpls]

Almost finished my first week of being a med reg. I’m currently covering one of the oncology trainees. The onc bosses are all so nice and I think if I go back to do physician training, oncology would be top of my list. The medicine is incredible and even though I don’t understand a whole lot right now, everyone is really understanding and lovely. The gratitude from the patients is refreshing, but it’s sad to think most are burdened by such serious disease. The imposter syndrome is certainly very real too - being referred to as the reg and asking the residents (most of whom are my friends lol) is so weird and I think I’ll take a while to get used to it 😩

[nontemporary]

VISUAL SCIENTIST  

[doggosource]

the call u’ve been waiting for

[weird-ecologies]

This is too real, help

[meshlpls]

Congrats on Canberra Mesh!! What specialty are you thinking of doing long term? :D

Ty! I like crit care - I’ve always liked anaesthetics but I’m going to give ICU a good go (which is what I’m doing in Canberra) 🥰

[meshlpls]

Nothing makes me so exhausted as working in ED. I think it’s the shift work- this week I’m working 1 evening shift, 1 day shift and 3 night shifts

I’m literally 1 day into my week and dead already lmao

[meshlpls]

Do you have an Insta we can follow? 🥰

hello! yes it’s @meehsl 🙈

[doggosource]

bblocking out the haters

[meshlpls]

ok jk i just got 2 job offers in the last week and finally got my article published

i’m moving to canberra next year!!!!!!

idk what i’ve done to deserve this but things are definitely looking up 🥰

[meshlpls]

I’ve never been rejected from so many jobs before lol idk why I even applied to any in Sydney because there’s literally no way I would move there in this current climate

But still it’s a bit of a blow to my confidence and just perpetuates this imposter syndrome that I have - on one hand I feel really ready to step up but on the other hand all this rejection is just knocking it all down lmao

H e L p I need a sign pls

[meshlpls]

Got a rejection email for my first preference for next year. It’s really disappointing but I have to remember that I’ve only been working for 2 months since my break and I was only a week in when applications closed.

It’s hard accepting that I’m not good enough and will have to do ~yet another~ resi year but such is life.

[meshlpls]

June 2021

A small update-

I got really bored of my old job and kind of missed medicine so I'm back as a resident working full time at one of the public hospitals here. I don't regret going back but the workload has been tough - won't lie about that. I also miss blogging a bit, at least to document my thoughts.

I started on orthopaedic surgery in April. The pay was good but I was doing really long hours and was pretty exhausted by the end of the rotation. I enjoyed the team dynamic though. My registrars were lovely and the consultants were all super approachable and nice, enough for me to ask for a reference from one of them for next year's jobs.

Currently I'm undecided about my career path. Initially I'd always wanted to do anaesthetics. In some ways, I still do, but the experience I've had thus far has been lukewarm and not as enjoyable as I'd hoped. It could be the hospital, or it could be my rose-tinted glasses starting to come off. I still really enjoy critical care, but whether that be anaesthetics or ICU I'm not too sure.

I've also had my first experience with bullying from a consultant which is always fun. Luckily I have enough confidence in my knowledge and skillset to know that this is not reflective of any incompetence I have, but it still makes this rotation much more anxiety-provoking while I wait for the weekly rosters to be released. I can only imagine what effect bullying has on doctors who are more junior than myself. It's awful and it needs to stop. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this bully, but I fully understand how others feel when it's someone related to the specialty that they want to do. It sucks and I guess there's not much you can actually do, especially when that person is well-revered in the department and has contributed a lot in terms of research.

Job interviews for next year are coming up. To be honest, I'm trying to find a job outside this hospital and leave ASAP.

We shall see. Until next time.