[valentina-poem]

[thoughtkick]

“So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me because I, too, am fluent in silence.”

— R. Arnold

[mesmerising-serenity]

at this point in time, it’s hard to be ‘okay’. Not because I’m not okay but because I’m living in a state of discomfort, stress and unpredictability of my life at this current point.

I can’t complain because myself and my family are healthy, have a house over our head and clothes on our back and we have food and water to eat.

But I’m still uncomfortable because I struggle so badly with financial stress and I have since I could really remember. I grew up in a single parent home where my mum cared for abs provided everything for myself and my two siblings with my dad only putting in little (no hate on him, this situation was just unfortunate). I remember I would never ask for anything, from clothes to food and whatever little kids would ask for because I knew that my mum was struggling to provide for us.

I’ve lived with financial stress ever since. I’ve never been able to budget. I’ve never been able to save. I’ve never been able to be financially comfortable or stable and it’s always been my biggest issue and stressor.

But 2021 it’s my goal to change that. For myself, for my mental health and for my family because that’s what I deserve.

I may be uncomfortable now and stressed and hungry and want to get drunk af from stress cause there’s not really food in the house atm but it’ll be okay in a week or two when our pays come in.

We gonna be okay but just needed to acknowledge that I’m not comfortable atm.

[mesmerising-serenity]

I see you there baby. I can see how frustrated and annoyed you are. I see you grimacing in pain every time you move. I see you and I know how it feels to be where you are right now.

I see in the silence the worry and stress you have within you. Wondering how you’re going to support your family, how you’re going to pay the bills and wondering how you’re going to go back to work.. But I promise that you don’t need to stress and worry about it. I’ve got us. We’re a team and we’ve got each others backs just like always. We’re gonna be okay.

That was me a year ago. The exact same position you’re in now, I was in. Taken away from sport, work got harder to do and the feeling of uselessness because the capability to look after yourself had disappeared. But I was lucky enough to have you by my side to help me through it all. To distract me and help me feel better. And just like I had you, you have me. I probably don’t distract you and make you feel much better like you did for me but I’m here to help you. To cater to your every needs and make things a little bit easier until you can do it yourself.

And you also have our baby girl to love on. I know you feel even worse because you can’t help out with her as much at the moment but that’s okay. We’re a team and we’ll make it work.

As much as I know it’s hard to look at the positives when you’ve been put into such a shitty situation, the positives can make things look a bit better.. If things are as bad as we think they are and you aren’t able to go back to work for a little while, at least itll give you more time to spend watching our little baby girl grow.

But baby, I’ve said it once and I’ll continue to remind you a thousand times every single day, everything is going to be okay. It’s gonna take a little bit of time and a few adjustments to things but it’ll all be okay. We’ve done it once, we can do it again ❤️

I love you more then anything in this world (I may love our sweet girl a little bit more) and I’ll continue to stand by you in everything you do and everything that happens in our lifetime. I will continue to love you everyday and love you just that little bit more on those extra hard days. I will care for you and help you in every way possible to make things a little bit easier for you. It breaks my heart to see you cry in pain, I wish I could take the pain away baby.

I promise you it’ll be alright. To the moon and back a thousand times over, I love you and will always be beside you. ❤️🤞🏽

[quotefeeling]

“But just because you’re strong and resilient doesn’t mean you never need someone to be there for you, to take care of you.”

— Tammara Webber

[mesmerising-serenity]

I’m having a little bebe next year and my heart couldn’t be happier 🥰 Baby Savelio, I cant wait to meet you, feel you and watch you grow in Māmā’s belly 😚💛

[mesmerising-serenity]

my heart has never been more full. everyday you never fail to show me love in ways I never expect. this trip away, although it isn’t long has been one of the hardest times apart. but if anything it’s truly confirmed OUR feelings for each other. although you had to go, in my heart I knew you needed too. For yourself. To give yourself a reality check that you’ve needed for such a long time. But this trip has helped me. It’s helped me to realise (more because I already knew) how much you mean to me and how much I love and adore you and all that you are.

I’ve recently found it hard to be okay about how my body looks. After training hard and eating well I’d finally began to feel good about how my body looked. Lastnight I found a photo from 2 days before I injured my knee which took me off the fields and courts, away from the gym and threw me into a pit of depression. I ate my way through my sadness and didn’t do any exercise for a fair while. I’ve gained all the weight on that I’d finally lost after gaining it all on back in high school. Seeing the photo and seeing how much I’ve gained made me bawl my eyes out. Made me want to claw at my skin and rip it off. But in the midst of my anger and frustration, you came through. You told me words that no one has ever told me before. You made me bawl my eyes out because of how lucky I am to have found you. You’re endless support never ceases to catch me off guard and I end up in tears.

Since meeting you, you’ve shown me so much love. So much support. So much care and so much happiness that I never knew I deserved. You’ve shown me that I can be loved even when my mind tells me I can’t be. Some days I find it hard to believe you love me, not because you don’t show or tell me. But because I find it hard to believe that I am able to be loved. But damn I’m freakin lucky for you. I pray one day I get to marry you. I genuinely wouldn’t want to marry anyone but you. ❤️ Blessed af with you and all that you are and have done for me. Lucky to stand by your side and have you through all my hard times babe ❤️🤞🏽 I love you a million and a day x

[urbanxdivinity]

[mesmerising-serenity]

lastnight you reminded me again.

you reminded me why I am so blessed and grateful for you coming into my life. you reminded me that you do truly love me and care for me. you reminded me that I wasn’t alone and that the things that happened in my past won’t happen again.

lastnight out of nowhere I lost it. emotions flooded my body and cried. i just kept questioning why. why would someone that claimed to have loved me, do the things he did. i questioned my worth and i questioned where I went wrong.

but you’ve showed me that I am enough. you’ve showed me that it wasn’t me and it wasn’t my fault.

i’ll forever be grateful and thankful for you. for that night. for letting me open up to you about things that I’d been hiding.

I’ll go to the ends of the earth for you my darling. you’re the biggest blessing to have entered my life since Mackenzie and I hope to never lose you. I’m all yours babe ❤️

Inangaro au iakoe pepe xx

[transparenzz]

[6lacksoul]

dm for promos

[mesmerising-serenity]

this is Nelson. I’ve posted about him a few times.

He’s the honestly love of my life. Everyday I am more and more inlove with him then the last. He brings me so much happiness no matter where he is. He continues to go out of his way to make sure I’m taken care of. I’ve never experienced a love like his. It came out of nowhere. I never want to let him go because he’s the best I’ve ever had. Although we have our bad days and our stubborn grumpy moods, I never go to sleep at night without knowing that I am loved by him. He’s my comfort. My shelter. My warmth and my heart. He makes my heart full. He makes my heart happy. I never want to be without him.

Our ‘ship’ is in limbo.. it’s not a relation but it’s not a friend. Some days my mind plays games because of it. It sends me down a spiral and it scares me. It takes so much effort to get out of the game and some days I can’t. On one hand I am fine not being ‘in a relationship’ with him and being his girlfriend because at the end of the day I’m the one he falls asleep next too but on the other hand it also eats away at my insides. It makes me question everything. I know that he loves me and that he cares for me but I also can’t help but question it.. I don’t want to question it because it hurts me but I can’t control it.

Knowing me I’m just tired and probably hormonal but I don’t know.. 🤷🏽‍♀️😔💔

Inangaro au iakoe Nelson. You mean the world to me. Always will. ❤️ it’ll be okay..

[themaiajae]

📸: fannesthil

[itallstartedwithakiss]

[j0jin-deactivated20210309]

[mareamo]

[red-rage]

[karina-padilla]