Meyuu

Aspiring writer with perpetual writer's block who occasionally posts

[meyuuposts]

✧˖°. 26th - 29th July update ✧˖°.

Did a lot the past few days which I'm happy about, caught up on some hobbies and went out with some family too. It was nice.

Saturday 26th

Cooked an omlette for lunch, been a while since I actually prepared something filling (Yanu, I didn't have noodles. Are you proud?)

Did my skincare

Watched some Arcane

Had some coffee while listening to piano music

Sunday 27th

Did some shopping for groceries

Went on a walk with cousin

Monday 28th

Watched the Superman in cinema

Baked cupcakes

Watched Kiki's Delivery Service

Most of the days I was productive but Tuesday and Wednesday are when my anemia kicked in with full force - I had a bad headache and felt pretty dizzy, so I rested for most of the day.

Regardless, I'm happy with how my week went for the most part. I've made some more plans for next week to hang out with friends and family so that should be fun.

[meyuuposts]

. ✦ ݁ ˖ Summer check-in - June/July . ✦ ݁ ˖

(These pictures are being posted quite late, from beginning of June - early July) Quite honestly have been having a rough past few weeks just from different personal issues. Had those days where anything and everything went wrong all at once which just ultimately left me feeling pretty shit. I've been sleeping a lot from low energy (love being anemic) and to pass the time, but I want to start getting back into a routine and making the most of my summer days. I used to post to hold me accountable and motivate me to study. Now that I have freetime I think I'll use it as a way to remind me to make the most of my days in a way that benefits me. Of course there will be days where all I do is sleep and doom-scroll, but I think I'll be satisfied if the majority of my days are positive.

Highlights of the past two months!

Bowling + Korean hotpot (ate some yummy tteokbokki, I will never stop craving that hotpot ;-;)

Attended prom on a boat, hung out with my friends and watched the sunset

Also played tennis with some friends, found what I initially thought was a moonflower (my favourite) and made cat shadows. They're way harder than they look haha

Went back to school to help out the younger students and use up the remaining printing money

There are more that aren't on the list, but compiling the images to add to this post actually made me feel a lot happier. I really enjoyed those days, they were a lot of fun and it's nice seeing those moments again.

I also started getting back into painting and reading, which is fun! Trying to get back into writing too, but currently having a Kiki's Delivery Service-type of creative block. Trying to push through because I know that spark is in me somewhere, just need to find it without exhausting myself too much. :')

Feasible goals for the next few weeks:

Cook a different recipe

Bake something again

Look into my uni course and the exact books we'll be studying

Skincare (Remember your suncream!)

Journal more often

Continue reading current book

At least write a few sentences for current story

Avoid going back to bed during the day

Remember to eat meals on time (yes, not just noodles)

Start budgeting in a way that works for me

It's already late so I'm going to sleep soon, and hope that I can stick to my goals for tomorrow (or later today). I'm sure things will get better soon, I'm glad that I at least want to put in the effort for it. We'll have to wait and see, will update and see how it goes.

[meyuuposts]

Writer's block is my biggest nemesis, istg. Just thinking of my near-empty word document fills me with dread. I had a dream that for this current story I'm writing irl, I started knowing exactly what to write, what would happen etc. I got to work writing it and found the flow.

Then I woke up. And forgot literally everything.

I'm going to try spend at least ten minutes on it a day so I can get something down on the page. Editing and refining is the next step but I need a foundation to work off, first.

[meyuuposts]

Exam period + Life after a-levels: An overview

Well, this is completely overdue.

Exam season was so incredibly tough that I genuinely couldn't find the time or motivation to post about it. My exams ended up being relatively close together (with the worst being a literal clash between two subjects, and then a morning exam the day after), which ultimately took its toll. Some exams went better than others, but I think and hope I did my best. It's out of my hands now.

The worst was likely my English lit exam. It's my favourite subject, and the one I spent the most time revising for during the year. The day before was the clash (two exams in one day) so I think I just hit burn out the night before. That, alongside the question being odd and me panicking on the spot. I still hate knowing that I messed it up, considering how hard my teachers worked to help us prepare. It's knowing that people had expecations for you and that you potentially let them down, but most importantly let yourself down. That's what I hate.

Anyways, I took a day to feel miserable about it but after that I pulled myself together to work even harder for my other english subject, English Language. That way, I could still have a chance at getting into university.

The last exam I had was already a busy day with other personal events, so I don't think I fully comprehended the fact that the exams were well and truly over. But my friends and I celebrated regardless. It was a warm day and we sat outside together for a bit, joking around. It was nice, I enjoyed it.

When I finally got to rest at home I had an anxious feeling, something I couldn't quite figure out and still don't really know what it was. It was just something I was anxious about that was gnawing at me. But the next morning after I got some rest, that feeling was gone and I felt much calmer and even excited for my newfound freedom. Guess I just needed the rest.

Fast-forward to the present, it's been four days since summer has started. I've been trying to make the most out of my time, and I've been trying to get the things on my summer list done. Everything I wanted to do but couldn't because my studies got in the way. It's a little overwhelming but if I take time to pace myself, I'm sure it'll go well and I'll have a productive summer. I want to get back into art, writing, reading, animation. There's so much I want to do, and I'm happy to finally be able to do it guilt-free.

We're out of those never-ending tunnels. The sun is a lot brighter now, and I'm finally able to enjoy it properly.

[meyuuposts]

"Last" official day of sixth form

Although I'm posting this late, we had our final school day of sixth form. It was a really nice day, the weather was great and I went on a walk with some friends. We saw some flowers near the building that we didn't pay much attention to before. They were pretty.

Since my friends also finished their art exam (a round of applause!), we went out to celebrate and got some ice-cream to eat. It was a simple thing to do but it was fun, and again, the weather was lovely. Hopefully we can have a lot more moments like these during summer. :)

It's not technically the last day, though, so we didn't really have the feels about it. We'll still be back at school for exams, but in terms of classes and study periods, it's over. We're on study leave now. My last exam is on the 13th June (trust me, I am counting down the days) so that's when I'll be able to properly celebrate my freedom.

[meyuuposts]

Milestone: Woke up early to study

₊˚ ✧ ━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━ ✧ ₊˚

Over 5 hours studying is what I want to aim for more often. My average is usually 2-3 hours but I want to increase it so I don't have any regrets in the future.

I managed to wake up at 6 on the weekend. Big step for me considering the fact that I oversleep almost every weekday, and it's a lot worse on weekends. I struggle getting out of bed and starting my day. But I did it on Saturday!

Had some advice from some friends about it, spent some time talking to them on Friday. We ended up talking most of the day, but I don't count it as a bad thing. Call it a mental health break. It was a nice day and I like to think it relieved some of our stress.

Although I'm a night owl, as said before I'm trying to avoid messing up my sleep schedule, and I also need to wake up earlier for the exams anyways. I've never overslept on an exam day but I don't want this to be the first time. I found that after waking up early my day was extended and lasted a lot longer, which was good considering the fact that the time usually goes very quickly.

I wasn't able to do the same the next day, but regardless it's a start and I'm proud of that. Reminded me that I'm not a completely lost cause. I'm going to continue and try do the same next weekend, but also take less naps during the day. Time is ticking.

(Image of study time is from the study timer app, FLIP. You can make goals per day, have a countdown for any events, compare your study times with others, and the most helpful thing is that it can lock you out of the apps you choose while the timer is running to minimise distractions. Setting can be on and off, so it's very flexible depending on what works for you)

[meyuuposts]

19 days left until A-level finals

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

I keep thinking of the things that can go wrong and wonder if I'm really doing my best. It's worse when you see other people's progress.

It's like I feel stuck between thinking I'm not doing enough and feeling burnt out. Time is slipping through my fingers way too fast. We only have a few weeks left of school before that's it. Study leave then exams.

We joke around about being in the pits of hell but regardless I still feel like I'm not doing my best. It's like I'm stuck in this endless cycle of struggling everyday only for it to amount to seemingly no progress, while everyone else is running way faster than me. I hate that feeling the most, so I want to stop comparing our progress. I know it's futile.

Things like waking up late or sleeping too much, things like procastinating or killing time and then wondering how it went so fast. I want to make the most out of every moment but my mind is just filled with everything aside from what I should be focusing on.

And don't even get me started on the writing project ideas at a time like this. I miss my oc projects.

I'm struggling with balancing all three subjects. Three might not sound like a lot, but I definitely underestimated the amount of content packed in each one. It's immense.

Revision and exam practice are the main priorities right now. Fuck OCR and their absurd bloody timings for the film exams, but it makes me all the more determined to do well on it just to spite them.

I'll continue and try to work harder and actually do my best, even though it seems impossible right now. Just need to put one foot in front of the other and stagger through it to where I need to be.

[meyuuposts]

35 days left until a-level finals

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

Currently in the last holidays before we have our final exams, two weeks off for Easter break. Everyone has been studying non-stop and we're in the final stretch. Time flies.

In terms of productivity, it's not been too bad for me. Trying to make the most out of the days while avoiding burn out. Just been spending a lot of time at my desk doing different things, though I feel like lately I've spent more time finishing up coursework and going through flashcards, so I'm going to do my best to balance it out more since timed practice is key at this stage.

The weather has been nicer though, which is good. If it was constantly raining and the weather was bad then I'd be absolutely screwed. It's been sunnier and it's nice when the sunlight streams in through the window. Still a little chilly because of the wind though.

Some days are less productive than others, but I'm going to try make a loose plan for what tasks I want to have for each day. I want to try wake up earlier, too so that I have more time during the day. I'm a night owl so I usually work better late at night, but I also don't want to mess up my sleep schedule too much. We'll see how it goes.

✨️Recent achievements

Finished language coursework, handed it in

Did a few more film essays

Got through another few war poems

Roughly finished documentary flashcards

Pushing through! (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

[meyuuposts]

Stayed back after school to lock in for coursework. The sun was nice outside. The star is a little deformed but I think it gives it some personality. :)

The sun being out more feels conflicting. I love the weather right now, and it feels nostalgic towards the fun of summer. But it's also a heavy reminder that finals are approaching, and also the end of a-levels.

A lot of people were talking about how much they'll miss eachother after a-levels are over. It's valid, though. I actually quite like my year, especially my classes. We're all like mutual sufferers of exams, comrades. We joke around together and struggle together. I don't want to talk about missing my friends because then it'll really feel like we'll go our separate ways, and I don't want to think about that. While it might be unrealistic to hope so, I want to make sure we stay friends and keep in contact. They're the kind of people I'd want to keep for the many years to come.

[meyuuposts]

Still currently recovering, so I took it easy. But I managed to sit down and study for a little while! Did some war poetry for my lit exam while listening to some Omori music.

Typed out an entire Omori ramble post as a separate draft before I accidentally deleted most of what I wrote, and I'm so frustrated at myself that I'm honestly just going to go to sleep right now. Godammit.

Hoping to catch up on my lessons more tomorrow, hopefully I can be a more productive tomorrow than I was today.

📝Plans for tomorrow:📝

- Get through 2 more war poems

- Film anki cards

- Read the Yellow Wallpaper and make changes needed for coursework

[meyuuposts]

Storm, university and fever

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Took some pictures of the hailstone pelting down on my way home. The rain was so heavy and powerful that I wondered if it was possible for it to crash through the glass.

Visited my first choice university recently, and felt more anxious about it than when I first went. I'm going to move out for uni, which is already incredibly daunting. I keep telling myself not to have any doubts or regrets and that I'll persevere through it no matter what happens, but what if I'm biting off more than I can chew? What if things don't go well and I do have regrets? I can't help but think the worst. I don't consider it to be pessimism, but rather being realistic and preparing for the worst.

Currently sick and resting at home. Had a fever dream which rattled me. Other than that, I'm just focusing on quickly recovering so I can catch up on my classes before I fall behind even more.

I'd heard how nightmarish a-levels are, but I don't think I really understood how bad it would be. Now I can safely say these have been the most challenging two academic years of my life. Mentally and physically testing. I don't know how to keep staggering through it, but I just need to make it through another day doing the best I can.

I hope it'll be worth it in the end.

[meyuuposts]

Walked home, the sky looked interesting today. There's something strangely calming about watching the sky. It's like time seems to slow down for a few seconds.

[meyuuposts]

I've put off posting for a long-ish time now, because the thought of needing my post to be perfect daunts me. So out of impulse, I'm just writing something before I overthink it and backspace everything.

Maybe I could use this as a way to keep myself motivated? There's just under 2 months left before my final exams that will determine if I can go to university. 2 months left, and with all the content to get through, I need to use this time wisely. Do my best until the end.

Let's go! ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ