I had a thought today: I think how you take the ending of CMBYN, and with it the possibilities and expectations for sequels, depends to a degree on how old you are. This might sound pretentious but isn’t meant that way. Just bear with me.
I’m 44. When I started reading the book, I wondered what a 17 year old could possibly tell me about love. But it isn’t a 17 year old who narrates the novel - it’s a man in his late 30s, looking back on when he was 17. The book deals heavily with time and nostalgia and memories and how strange and unreliable those are.
After having watched the film, I somehow can understand the ‘devide’ in the fandom. There are many folks who think the ending is so sad, the novel’s perhaps even more than the film’s. Because Elio and Oliver don’t end up together… I might be wrong, but I think most people who see the story this way are rather young. Which is totally fine. Especially the film is made for them, with Timmy being their peer and all. It’s to them Papa Perlman speaks when saying ‘Don’t rip out your feelings in the face of loss and sorrow, or you’ll go bankrupt by the age of 30′.
Believe me, talking from beyond that age, it’s true. It’s also true that life and love are never easy and simple, that joy and happiness are a somewhat rare occasion, that maybe you might find the one person only once but you might also find many who come close - as Elio does. If you read Ghost Spots, you realise how very wise Aciman is - at least to me from my point of view. Papa Perlman doesn’t say that life and love are always happy - instead, he tells his son to accept and embrace his sorrow and sadness and grow with it.
Despite it’s setting, CMBYN is neither just a romance or a fairytale. They might read from one in it - but the reality of the film and book transcends this realm and makes it a very real, very mature story about love AND loss and therefore about life.
Especially in Ghost Spots, Elio reflects on what he’s done with the memory of Oliver. To me, it becomes obvious that Elio hadn’t been in a coma - for god’s sake, he’s a drama queen! He says himself that he had fulfilling relationships after Oliver. And Oliver has a family he obviously kind of loves - he talks a lot about his sons to Elio.
The moral of the story to me is that happiness can be found in different ways and places. And that hope never dies. That one can deeply love the memory of one person yet be with another.
They are both not dead inside - they changed and adapted. Elio purposfully avoided Oliver - who did the same. They kept their distance out of some sense of self-preservation. But that doesn’t mean that it’s too late for them. At the end of the book, Elio is not even 40! They have a lifetime ahead of them! And they also made some important experiences.
This might sound strange and gloomy to people half my age - but it really isn’t. There’s always hope. Things can change. It’s what I learned with the years. They didn’t waste the time spent apart - they learned and grew, developed and realised what they really need. Those are important lessons in life. It prepared Elio for the loss of his father, for example. And Oliver has to learn that his sons grow up as well and become independent.
If Papa Perlman’s speech is for the young, Ghost Spots is for the elder. It gives the story perspective. It also explains that you are not old or grown up in your 40s - as Oliver says himself. he sometimes feels younger than his sons. A very relateable feeling for me.
And that is the appeal of both book and film for me: it is truly mature in addressing so many levels. I can remember the agony of being young and falling in love. I also can appreciate what follows. Therefore, I could deal with a sequel in which they don’t end up together. For example, a sequel in which they understand what they mean to each other but still don’t act upon it.
The ending of the book felt somehow hopeful to me. Perhaps because I’ve experienced love like this, affairs that stretch over a long period of time; and different degrees of love. Anyway, there still is a possibility for Oliver and Elio, and even if they don’t end up together, no one can take their summer away from them. Sometimes memories are all we have. It doesn’t have to be like that - so perhaps what we can all learn from this movie is that it is better to speak than to stay quiet. For better or worse. Happy endings are never guaranteed but it’s worth to try.
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