Spite can be a incredible motivator
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@midi4ri0love
Spite can be a incredible motivator
OH DAMON ALBARN THE MAN YOU ARE GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
huge shout out to this little kid for writing my favorite poem
Ye Olde Sasse
“I’m 14, do you mind?”
“I mind the gap, not the age.”
I think i finally found out what my type is (kinda):
- Brown/ Sunkissed/ Tanned
- Muscles
- Big eyes with that *spark*
- Thick, a lot, wavy/curly hair (esp. red/dark brown)
- Good dancer
- Genuine big smile
- Looks like flowers bloom wherever they walk
- Whimsy, a bit weird like me, glittery
ao btw i was plannig only towards my 18th bday and it was what kept me alive
now it's 3am, my "situationship" mainly ignored me, i drank 6+ klopfer and a hugo, at the beginning i had a lil secret breakdown, but 𝜗𝜚 its good
the ppl were si sweet, even if i we weren't that clise befire, i got sweet letters, we danced a lil, talked a lil, ate a lil, and everyone said they loved my party
i basically got invited to 2 bdays alr (3.4. + 6.9. trm i think?) by my bbf / brother (feels older but is a lil younger) and a club bday of my vacay bestie from 5 years ago
then there is the alvaro soler concert too
there are still things living for, and at least 3 to look forward to
His birthday was amazing, i met so many great people, i love their friendgroup, and then i indirecly got invited (she didn’t plan it yet but said id be invited) to my childhood besties bday party, and then theres the abiball of cours
Life is good
Heute war so ein Tag, an dem ich gemerkt hab, wie viel sich verändert hat. Ich fühl mich nicht mehr so taub wie früher. Irgendwie lebendiger. Aber mit dem Leben kam auch Angst zurück.
Ich hab mehr gute Menschen in meinem Leben – richtig gute. Und genau das macht’s so schwer. Ich hab auf einmal was zu verlieren.
Früher war ich traurig, taub, weil ich nichts hatte. Jetzt bin ich manchmal traurig, weil ich etwas habe, das mir wichtig ist. Das fühlt sich komisch an. So, als wär ich glücklicher… aber es tut mehr weh. Vielleicht, weil mein Herz wieder funktioniert.
Und weißt du was? Ich bin dankbar dafür. Auch wenn’s manchmal zieht.
Ugh… headache. Head splitting migraine, even.
Good news everyone I found the cause of headaches, it’s because of the angry blobs residing in your brain
I WANNA BECOME TUMBLR FAMOUS SO BAD BC WDYM I OPEN TUMBLR AND HAVE NO NOTIFS AFTER I HAD A MEDIUM BAD DAY
oh no , the dog is drinking the wave equation
This may or may not have an effect
Okay so basically a lot happened the last few days.
Remember the guy i wanted to do the husband experiment on? Yeah, totally forgot about him.
Why? This carnival i met a rlly cute guy who was doing the first move too, over mutual friends.
We danced together, and then walked together, and our legs were touching while sitting next to each other. He made excuses to walk with me, and adjusted to my pace even when we were in a group with all his friends, yet he chose to walk and talk with me.
We went to the Sunday carnival with a similar group too, he hugged me as a greeting, the same as Saturday, and then he and my gbf made sure i was gonna go to the party they were going to. W talked a little but a lot just in the group, and then he asked me to walk a bit in order to get his bike and we talked alone for like 40 minutes and i felt rlly safe around him. I had told my gbf i was gonna walk with him a lil and he approved. He gave me a rose when he catched one (the second one tho, the first one he kept) and I didn’t.
Monday, he texted me whether i would come to carnival with him, so i went, but i had to leave early, I didn’t know anyone but him, but his friends were rlly cool. Then i invited him to my bday party.
On friday, he rode pass my house, but i was out with my dog and looked rather hideous, it was warm and i was wearing a coat and was carrying my dogs poop bags…
On sunday, i had asked him a day before if he would meet up w me, we went to eat pizza buns in my hometown (we split the bill, it was rather a friends meet up) it was rlly nice but afterwards i felt like i might friendzone him.
On friday, he went to my party and group gifted me a teddy, some chocolate, etc.
On monday/tuesday, he texted me that he was sorry but he didnt rlly have time for a relationship (implied) and wanted to take things slower, so i friendzoned him and we were both much more at ease after.
Weve been texting daily ever since we‘ve met until now and i am so happy to have made a new friend :)))
ao btw i was plannig only towards my 18th bday and it was what kept me alive
now it's 3am, my "situationship" mainly ignored me, i drank 6+ klopfer and a hugo, at the beginning i had a lil secret breakdown, but 𝜗𝜚 its good
the ppl were si sweet, even if i we weren't that clise befire, i got sweet letters, we danced a lil, talked a lil, ate a lil, and everyone said they loved my party
i basically got invited to 2 bdays alr (3.4. + 6.9. trm i think?) by my bbf / brother (feels older but is a lil younger) and a club bday of my vacay bestie from 5 years ago
then there is the alvaro soler concert too
there are still things living for, and at least 3 to look forward to
I AM DEEPLY PERTURBED
WTF
i thought my sifu was a feminist but on his WA status he posted 2 videos making fun of feminists
LIKE
one could be a simple joke but TWO????
I THOUGHT HE WAS A FEMINIST WTF
Experiment
Act as if you were a time traveler.
Now you are young again.
You had a loving husband/wife before.
That husband/wife is your “crush”.
Even though you don’t talk or date yet,
you know the loving husband/wife that they are.
You feel more comfortable talking to them.
You are a lovely person around them.
Try to impress them a little.
Smiling, holding eye contact, or talking to them isn’t hard.
It is only natural.
Their presence calms you.
After all you know they love you.
You aren’t afraid to show affection.
Not too much, because you are only their *classmate* yet,
and you would never want to make your sweet husband/wife uncomfortable.
After all, they don’t know, that you are their wife/husband yet.
Only what feels natural.
You start acting calmer and authentically.
You’re confident.
You know they will always have your back.
After all, they are your husband/wife.
You take more care of yourself.
You want them to perceive you like their spouse,
even if they don’t know it yet, after all.
You are a calmer, kinder, more polished, glowing, confident, authentic, happier version of yourself.
You are the best version of yourself now.
They (your husband/wife) bring out the best in you.
You are thriving.
Other people feel the shift in energy too.
You naturally attract more people and their kindness.
You make friends, you thrive, and when the time has come…
You husband/wife will know that it’s you.
Who makes the first move?
We don’t know.
All we know is that:
A) You’re thriving.
B) Everything will be all right, you’re married, after all.
C) They love you, after all.
(And making the first move won’t be that hard anymore since their presence calms you instead of giving you nervous butterflies.)
(If someone made you a really romantic love confession/ asked you out like in a novel - with flowers, diy and cake - you probably wouldn’t reject them, even if you haven’t caught feelings for that person until now… you’re catching them now, for sure.)
(Write a love letter from their perspective to you, and put it under your pillow. Repeat, with a new letter every day. It is a manifestation technique.)
Day 1
I texted him about Spanish class today. I wasn’t there. He hasn’t responded yet (I know he’s on his iPad/iPhone 24/7).
But I felt SO COMFORTABLE sending that text OMG!
I also had way less social anxiety today and a lot of positive interactions with classmates of mine.
In PE we do couple dances rn, and Em offered to dance with me, but none of us knew the new DiscoFox steps, so I danced with Di and taught her the few moves I knew, it was so fun and even tho we talk like once a month I always feel like not a minute passed.
Then I danced with Ev and taught her the DiscoFox, her hands were hot and sweaty, and I was a little concerned, but then I asked her, and apparently that’s a chronic illness, and then the conversation started to roll. She is a sweet person, really, and I’m so glad I invited her to my bday, in spite of her being good friends with the-Karen-no-not-the-actual-Karen-but-acts-like-a-Karen-girl from our class.
Then I danced with Em and J, and J taught us the Waltz. It was fun.
Then I noticed Ya standing alone, and I thought like NO YA CANT BE ALONE SHES SO COOL WHY IS SHE ALONE??
And then I taught her the Waltz - the one I had just learned HAHAHA - and it was so fun. The talking and the dancing.
Then then the teacher Mr. Me danced with the other teacher to show the Waltz Ya was like “Mr. Me is so hot.” And I was like “Real”. I hope he didn’t hear us, but he acted normal, so I don’t think he did.
Then 2 other girls showed Em, J, and me the ChaChaCha and I understood it really quickly so I showed Em and J, who still were a little confused. The other teacher told us that we shouldn’t jump but instead make steps and move our hips, since this is a Latin dance and stuff, she couldn’t really show the hip movement, since she couldn’t do it (she told us).
Since I’m a proud Latina and regularly go to Zumba, it was pretty easy for me. The others kept jumping tho…ugh. I didn’t say anything tho, I’m don’t seek unnecessary conflict. The I paired up with Di, she was jumping too, she didn’t like the ChaChaCha. She liked DiscoFox way better.
Even Lu talked kindly to me. I think she likes me, but she is rude to everyone. I told her I loved all the new dances - she didn’t of course. But then I didn’t say anything anymore bc I thought she didn’t rlly wanna talk. She said “But good thing that you like the dances” and went a away. (BUT LIKE AFTER A MINUTE OF SILENCE). This is very kind, if you consider her usual personality.
Before geography I talked to Ma, Lu, Es, Ju, La and while in class I talked to all of them too, but I also exchanged a few sentences with Moto, Ni, and Ca. Even Mr. Oz seemed less bored by the things I said in class.
Then I talked to Li, Em and Es in Math class. That wasn’t such a high anymore, but it was totally acceptable, especially my convo with Li.
Now I’m tired, ma is back home, I was looking forward to have the living room and kitchen to myself but now she is working there and I still have to find a dress for my Marie Antoinette Costume, make a blood choker, bake a cake and decorate it pretty with “let them eat cake”, dance in the living room to loud music, play DTI, go to the gym maybe.
Now I have to do all this in my room, silently in the kitchen, and when I go to the gym she always wants to come too… but classmate go to the same gym and nobody goes with their mom so I’ll prolly just go to Zumba with her. That is socially acceptable.