Pivotal self thought and reflection
I often find myself consistently disquieted in internal self thought and reflection. Excessive criticism leading me to spiral in a profound path of self loathing and a deep personal hatred for my external and internal identity. While I cannot trace back to a time where I wasn't worried about my exterior and the presentation in which other people would perceive me, I found that the easiest solution was to conform to the ideals and perception of those who I believed held and understanding in which I had not grasped yet. Looking back at the things I prioritized in such a nadir time in my life, I can only help but laugh at such irrelevant and insignificant values in which I contritely held over my head and executed routinely. The idea of "never being good enough" terrified me. Judging character based solely on appearance rather than breaking the surface level of ones being, to completely deconstruct and reinstate a deeper upstanding of the question why. It's easy to dismiss the beauty and nature of imperfections which naturally should be embraced. Acceptance to who we are as people, loving ones self as is it without the desire of constant change and temporary satisfactions. If there's anything I've learned it's to be compassionate not only to my mind but to those who surround me. The root of understanding is as simple as the philosophy of mindless self indulgence. Being selfless not for a motive for success or any goal, but simply holding a desire for unrestrained gratification of pleasure in making others, even for just a fragment, unwittingly content with confidential self desires. I find that I constantly remind myself that I am not the only one with a beating heart, or flesh that bounds my body and bones together to make one tangible being, rather just one frame that is held together to create one one a large solitary picture.