Midwest Poems

27 - STL

[midwestpoems]

the day I’m waiting for

walking through the zoo

first on the left the giraffes are bowling followed by the gorillas

they’re building cabinets, dressers, and night stands

snakes spend most of their time gambling for the finest skin suits

as the bears are financing their future

determining if they worked through winter, could they buy their way out?

dolphins are constantly oblivious always on the phone

calling their travel agents

they’re sick of sharing with the penguins

whose soccer ball keeps disturbing their water

the elephants craft gorgeous tapestries sold by the camels

and the llamas around the corner each arguing they’ll get you a better deal

the birds are all musicians cellists, violinists, saxophone players, and pianists

but they never sing

and at the end of it all, the big cats

they study astronomy and calculus

scholars diving deep in the stars as we walk through the zoo

you and I

hand in hand

smiling, laughing

as the cats become startled

pointing their scholarly paws to the sky

we stare up as you grab my arm

just to see the pigs passing overhead in handcrafted aeronautical aircrafts

and you look,

and smile,

at me.

[midwestpoems]

dog-gone grading

my dog

has never looked so lovable

and cute

and in so much need of attention

until after grading two hours of freshman tests

of which you already know most have failed

not everyone has a dog

not everyone is a teacher

whose nights are spent grading

but that's ok

this poem wasn't written for everyone

just for me

and my dog

and the aknowledgement that

things are better now

and my dog is getting the attention

we both deserve

[midwestpoems]

glasses

I drove out to Desoto

to finally pick up glasses

that I thought I wouldn't need til 30

walked outside the Walmart,

and staring straight at a cliffside,

put them on

a smooth yellow wall

became a brown, and white, and beige, and yellow

jagged mess of fine lines

traced in black ink

took them off a few more times to make sure

I was really seeing

what I was seeing

took a quick picture

to show the few friends I still talk to

and only a single reply

from a girl who's as awkward as I

and I told her of the cliffs

like I had discovered color

and she just asked if I was okay

sure, I didn't want to make a spectacle out of a pair of glasses

but it sure is nice to see things

the way most people do

and that was enough of an adventure for me

[midwestpoems]

superman

Jesse was one of my first friends from my first school we had the same Kindergarten teacher first door on the left which I’m sure was because it’d be easier to get to you see, he was in a wheel chair outfitted in a full lower body cast a calcium deficiency if I remember

the next year, first grade, I saw him when we went to meet our new teachers I was surprised to see him at the end of the main hall, walking but by September’s end, he was back in that wheel chair and plaster covered legs

the playground was beside the school down a steep hill of wood chips and in first grade I finally noticed Jesse always had to sit on top of the hill by himself and just watch suddenly, I felt bad for him for the first time since knowing him

some days later, a girl got hurt, or something, and both teachers on duty had to go inside with her we got this crazy idea, a friend and I I don’t remember whom, but if I had to guess, it’d be Keith we all thought he was some sort of bad ass mostly for three reasons: he was a year older, he had an earring, and he didn’t mind hanging out with the girls on top of the slide hell, even I joined him and the girls on a few occasions

anyway, we climbed up the hill quickly told Jesse to trust us and carried him to the monkey bars set him down on the platform stood beside him for safety and let him swing, swing, swing bar to bar

most of the playground took notice and halfway through they started to chant his name and clap he made it to the opposite side, paused and turned around he started crying, smiling starting back towards the side he came from you could see him staring through the monkey bars to the sky feeling some sort of superman and that’s about the time a teacher returned and noticed what was going on we kept cheering him on, but halfway through his return journey, she lowered him back to his chair and she wasn’t particularly happy with me I was used to that response by then

I came up to him briefly after asking why they wouldn’t let him on the monkey bars he replied, “they didn’t think it was safe” but he was still grinning from his brief adventure I tried arguing that we had his chair and would’ve got him down if he was slipping he just waved his hand at me looked at me and calmly said, “thanks”

my friend’s name was Jesse Reeve which was ironic when I found out later in life about Christopher Reeve, the original Superman, who also had a wheelchair

[midwestpoems]

best man

we’ve kept up drink for drink he pours whisky for us both his last night here he has another step of life starting tomorrow and I’m glad he shared this last step with me

we visit neighbors another time drink another time watch YouTube nonsense another time as he asks if I’ll be his best man and I never thought I’d be close enough to someone to let them call me their best friend again but I’m blessed it was you who looked after me cultured me who talked me down

blessed it was you I shared these months, friend.

may life never defeat us, and brotherhood prosper like crabgrass in early August

[midwestpoems]

superman

Jesse was one of my first friends from my first school we had the same Kindergarten teacher first door on the left which I’m sure was because it’d be easier to get to you see, he was in a wheel chair outfitted in a full lower body cast a calcium deficiency if I remember

the next year, first grade, I saw him when we went to meet our new teachers I was surprised to see him at the end of the main hall, walking but by September’s end, he was back in that wheel chair and plaster covered legs

the playground was beside the school down a steep hill of wood chips and in first grade I finally noticed Jesse always had to sit on top of the hill by himself and just watch suddenly, I felt bad for him for the first time since knowing him

some days later, a girl got hurt, or something, and both teachers on duty had to go inside with her we got this crazy idea, a friend and I I don’t remember whom, but if I had to guess, it’d be Keith we all thought he was some sort of bad ass mostly for three reasons: he was a year older, he had an earring, and he didn’t mind hanging out with the girls on top of the slide hell, even I joined him and the girls on a few occasions

anyway, we climbed up the hill quickly told Jesse to trust us and carried him to the monkey bars set him down on the platform stood beside him for safety and let him swing, swing, swing bar to bar

most of the playground took notice and halfway through they started to chant his name and clap he made it to the opposite side, paused and turned around he started crying, smiling starting back towards the side he came from you could see him staring through the monkey bars to the sky feeling some sort of superman and that’s about the time a teacher returned and noticed what was going on we kept cheering him on, but halfway through his return journey, she lowered him back to his chair and she wasn’t particularly happy with me I was used to that response by then

I came up to him briefly after asking why they wouldn’t let him on the monkey bars he replied, “they didn’t think it was safe” but he was still grinning from his brief adventure I tried arguing that we had his chair and would’ve got him down if he was slipping he just waved his hand at me looked at me and calmly said, “thanks”

my friend’s name was Jesse Reeve which was ironic when I found out later in life about Christopher Reeve, the original Superman, who also had a wheelchair

[midwestpoems]

things to remember

I grew up with a kid named Ben he was a month older than me and his mother and mine were best friends from high school I can remember his parent's garage code but not the last time I talked to him

I remember 2nd grade summer my parents didn’t want me in day care any longer and I had to switch elementaries the next year I remember standing against the brick outside the office cursing my parents in my head proclaiming, “I want to be with my friends” but I can only remember a handful of their names

I dated a girl that my parents didn’t know about for awhile didn’t like answering the phone around her but she looked at me one day and told me, “I will suck your dick if you call your dad back” but I can’t remember a single thing I talked about on the phone with him

you always remember the damnedest things in life

[midwestpoems]

Rorschach

I opened my book another time let her read quietly the few true passages that I poured out she spilled ink over the pages quickly closing the book dropping it at my bedside another time

now opening back the pages rorschach blots over once familiar but now forgotten words leaving me to find shapes amongst the bleeding swirls of pressed pages finding something different nearly every time I look

and when I ask those around me “what do you see?” they look past the book ignoring the intricate spots and scribbles and blurred lines and ask me “why do you still hang on to that old book?”

[soundcloudgems]

nothing, nowhere - letdown

[midwestpoems]

this artist makes something I've aspired to find for years. I can say my life has changed in the slightest, brightest of motivational ways today.

[midwestpoems]

holy shape

the circle of life contains such jagged edges yet keeps rolling like that of a contorted tire that only some God could forge into a halo revolving and ceasing at his whim

[midwestpoems]

2:23 (Dear God)

It’s 2:23AM eyes are teary I don’t really understand why

I don’t really understand why I need to have the feeling of waking up next to somebody or feel somebody look at me a certain way

I don’t understand why I feel like I waste time trying to love somebody or how I’ve become so angry with losing another commitment it’s so uncomfortable

I don’t understand why I feel inferior because there’s always been someone else to replace me

I don’t understand why these past few months were any different and why I’m so stuck when this is what has always been

I don’t understand why I gotta be depressed hearing someone’s name, seeing Christmas decorations, walking past dog toys at the store, wearing my own sweatshirt, thinking of Mississippi, or shooting pool

God, I don’t understand why I can think of so many great things, but I feel the weight of all I hate is so much more. I don’t know why, but I attach memories to everything, and everything comes back to haunt me whenever I try to get out and civilize. It reminds me my bed is the only comforting feeling I have anymore. It’s the only thing that holds me when I wake up, heart pounding, head spinning, but tonight it isn’t kind enough to let me sleep.

God, I need a lover in my life, because it helps me remember what love is in life. I don’t know who you got in mind, but my mind is glued right now. I don’t know if I’m right about it, but I know I’ve been impatient with your answer. I can’t wait to share love with someone. I can’t wait to devote my time to someone to hopefully make them feel the way they always wanted to. I can’t wait to look at someone and see their eyes looking back at me, into me. I looked at my eyes for the first time today. It reminded me of pond water, and I don’t know what anyone else has ever seen in them, but it feels metaphoric for the inner struggles I’ve been having.

God, I know I can fight for this. Believe me, I want to, but it’s hard to fight when you worry what is more right. I wanted to drive to Mississippi last week. I wanted to stand outside of that Walgreens until I died of hypothermia. I wanted to soak that car seat at Dollar General with tears, and flood the passenger side because I finally felt the loss of it. And I bit my lip and tried my hand at being the bigger man that night. I would’ve carried her to bed. I would’ve proved that I could be there for her through anything. I was a safety net turned into a bet, and I never hated someone talking about poker so much in my life. But I would still fight. I would give anything to go back to that weekend in October, so she didn’t have to fight her demons alone. I would give anything to this girl just to be that person in her life, but I don’t know if it’s right. Because she tells me she’s independent, so I let her be. Crazy or optimistic, I don’t know, but I feel I see more good in her than she’s ever believed in. God the things I would do…

God, I know it’s been years since I’ve talked to you. I know I feel I’ve never known you, but confiding in strangers has always been my thing. I don’t know if you know me but you know her. You know my lover, whoever it may be. I know it’s now 4:08, but I felt you’d be awake. God, I could use some sleep, and preferably someone to sleep next to me.

[aleshxd-deactivated20171112]

Always.

[midwestpoems]

stained-glass girl

be weary of the stained-glass girl whose story can’t be discerned tread softly as you carry her be sure that those callused hands are mindful of her nature lest she shatter at your carelessness be weary of the stained-glass girl as your artisan fingers find their way lightly picking up every piece putting her back in place precisely as you found her hearing every colorful story that contributes to her radiance be weary of the stained-glass girl as her edges may still be sharp and your red iron blood that has warmed her til now may stain her so may turn opaque such that the light can’t show be weary of the stained-glass girl as she travels from your hands to another craftsman who takes notice of the story saturated in rosy hue that you have left and wipes away the stain yet still shines in omittance of you

[midwestpoems]

Superpowers (draft)

“You’re not crazy. That’s a superpower.” I was told this by a former coworker, Kim. This conversation happened almost four years ago. Four years to realize that that older cashier was right.

She was talking about my paranoia- how I knew my girlfriend had cheated on me, before I had any clue she had cheated on me. That was the twelfth time in my life that my internal twitch of suspicion restlessly attacked my conscience, and by what I originally thought of as a cruel sense of undeserved irony, was correct.

Assuming you’re also some sort of human, you were 99.99% likely born with the power of an opposable thumb. That doesn’t make it super though. A monkey has two of those as well, but what is super about it is your ability to hold out your hand, fist clenched, thumb up, to signify you are doing okay. And to any human who has a problem with that, you can take their thumb and forcibly shove it up their ass to signify that they don't dictate your superpower to feel happiness

[midwestpoems]

day 8 (pt. 2)

spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, lost the ability to use speech spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, crawling to the toilet spinning, spinning, message from a stripper spinning, spinning…

damn it Bukowski warn me next time.

[poeticallyprofound]

To Cronus, From Rhea

Intrepid truth I’m only as tepid as these exit wounds You would swallow innocence To remain numb to the truth I hope regret got stuck in your teeth So sick and tired of being your moon You aren’t as bright as you pretend to be I’d affix the noose Even a nihilist knows when they have nothing to prove Keep on waking the wolf You only end up alone when you eat your own There’s loyalty to lose And love to devour Inside, you are consumed Do you hold what you are in your jaw Or does it gnaw at you? An embrace that never was Only the clutches of claws I can taste where you’ve gone And it hasn’t been very far at all Doubt flows from your mouth And bullshit drips from your lips Did you ever think your demise would be so pronounced? Did you ever dream that I was your eclipse? The sun is setting now, though there’s lightning in the sky I can smile at the fact that you’ll never know why

[midwestpoems]

day 7

I knew you would I knew you fucking would if you want what you believe you want then leave these words unread and if you still read in wonderment know that you are right someone can replace you even if I didn't want to you forced my hand you walked out on the communication you preached but never practiced and I will play the hand of poker that bets someone else will do so I'll keep my opinions in drunken conversations between he and I because he is the only one who cares and I'd rather not waste anymore time explaining opinions that will simply be ignored by someone who was trained to run out on anything that scared them I don't need your opinion either I don't need your rhyme or reason I need someone willing to fight with me someone to face truth and respond in the face of fear that love is worth fighting every instinct in your body because this love is worth more than any earthly desires in this god damn world that knows truth is in the faith in each other and not the absence of mistakes and most importantly by someone who knows that they are a queen and this king will put nothing above his queen and that she will do the same for him