ah, perfectionist. you are keeping so much in you, this wave that never crests. you are always moving, sharklike, tired to your teeth. you call yourself fortunate, you say - i am blessed to have this. in movies, you spin out, genius destroyed. in the real life, you are poised over a hot stove, wondering if you are good enough to complain about the heat. you are just doing well-enough when you get perfect marks. you are just doing what they expect from you. the only thing that feels good is knowing you forced yourself to do the work. but it is forcing yourself - over and over, a battle that never forgets the light of 2 in the morning. you tell yourself - you can't be a failure if you were never that good to begin with. you don't touch projects. you hate starting things, because what if you're not good enough for them. what if they're hard? what if you fail? you can tell other people you didn't try, you can't tell other people that you didn't measure up. and if you can start, you only get 70% done. you can't turn it in - it's never going to be good enough. oh little vampire bat. it's okay. turn in and go to sleep. it can be half complete. it can be half-good. it can be very, very bad. it just needs to exist. you need to exist, too. make something that feels good to make because making feels good - not because you need to. tell your worry it can wait for the morning. tonight you are forgiving yourself, and that comes with no resentment. you deserve to get it wrong, sometimes. you deserve a rest. and for me, at least. you have always been enough. there is no good, no better, no best. there is just you. and i like you. come home to your nest.
new obession : figuring out how this thing is so accurate
anyways, thanks for the tag, bell !! ( no pressure ) tags : @thestarswhisper, @thexianzhoujade, @toorurs, @yvkasha, @ilyuu, @papiliotao, @auroratumbles, @snobwaffles, @dumbificat, @galaxity, @kilda, @xiaours, @cienxpidity, @cherieiu, @nordicbananas, @mwahkazu, @mondaymelon, @everyone else that wants to join !!