The Fanciness of Mikey Bee

A thing for all stuffs.

[mikeybeein3d]

Secret. 

Happy season 3 of Steven Universe is on Hulu. 

Sad that I’m all alone. 

[mikeybeein3d]

I miss the days where I would go to bed depressed and couldn’t sleep thinking about how everyone hated me and how ugly I was and so on. Now I go to bed anxious and can’t sleep because I think the next day something awful will happen. Even tho most days are pretty normal I am afraid of something disastrous happening. It’s almost like the next day will bring another struggle rather than happiness, or progress or positive change. I guess that makes me kinda hopeless. I hate being like this. 

[mikeybeein3d]

Please I want someone to like me. 

[mikeybeein3d]

Ok I am 30 now . Joy. 

[mikeybeein3d]

The Punisher Christmas Special

[mikeybeein3d]

I am feeling very unsure at the moment. I know I make posts like this all the time. but I feel like life is beating up on me. I need some good news. 

[mikeybeein3d]

I need to figure some things out. I am really tired of standing still. 

[mikeybeein3d]

Don’t read this.

this is something I wrote. It came very easy to me. but it means nothing. don’t think it means anything but a rant. Please don’t read it. You are not allowed to read it. Just skip it. 

I don’t belong here. I am worthless, useless. No one will ever truly love me. I am almost 30 years old with nothing to show for it. A crappy job, not making enough money. A sense of greatness that is unjust and unfounded. The truth is I have no good skills. I don’t know if every life has value. If it does then I must be certain I am the only one who can’t be permitted to live. Why do I think like this? I don’t know but I see no value in my life. Is there a place called Hell? I must think so because I am still alive despite not wanting to be. I am not just broken but dysfunctional from the moment of creation. If I was chair they would have thrown me into the wood chipper. If I was a box of cereal they would throw me on the reject pile. If I was a car they would try to salvage my parts but in the end realized the whole product is tainted and it must be crushed down to a small cube and buried deep in the forest like the ashes of Hitler.

I tend to envy everyone over everything and fear everything else. I see a guy with a girlfriend I wish I was him. I see a beautiful girl I wish others found me attractive. I see someone with a nice car of course I wish I had that car, or if he has a boat I want that too. I see people traveling I wish I was there. I get envious of those who can sing or play an instrument. I get envious of those who are athletic. I even get envious of those who eat a lot of food. But I get nervous. I get nervous if I eat a lot I will get even fatter, if I try to play a sport I will look like a fool or break something in the process. I  would learn how to play something but I am afraid of being judged for not knowing how to do it already. I get nervous traveling that someone will steal my stuff or I will look too much of a tourist even though I really am. I get super nervous driving my own car. I am really stuck between a rock and hard place emotionally

I am a stranger. I am odd and unusual no matter where I roam.  300 plus friends on facebook yet no one to hang out with. No matter how much I try. Rejected and defeated on a daily basis. I feel like a guy who was asleep while the rest of humanity figured out the secret to life. They stand and judge me like I am some guy who can’t figure out how to turn on a computer even though I am looking at the power button. Unfit for society. No matter what I do or what I try I can’t shake this feeling and no one is really willing to help me. They say they are but they don’t have enough love, determination, time or energy to help. Plus they notion of help is more of a penance to them for any sins they want to cover and less of a genuine offering. I wake up tired and depressed. It physically hurts to smile. I am only ever truly at peace when I am sleeping and even then I toss and turn and wreck myself. Always lonely and hopeless, constantly want to smack people. I am full of anger and bitterness. I want people to bend to my whim. I want some control in my life. I hate being thrown into chaos but honestly things always change. Nothing wrong with change. But the one thing I think would make this world a truly better place is my absence. The females of the world will rejoice to have me gone. I know they are all tired of the fear that I might catch some feelings for them. Even the loneliest girl who is super desperate is grossed out when she thinks about me liking her. The guys of the world will be happy  because they can stop feeling embarrassed for me. The humans of the world can breathe easy because their is more oxygen for them, more food, more water, more money and less complaining and one less ugly face. The world will be in peace and harmony holding hands. The spiritual mumbo jumbo of the world will be balanced with the unnatural vibes that I seem to emit now extinguished. But yet I can not do that for the world, my soul will never be at peace and one of my birth defects is to be extremely selfish and scared. Two traits that cause me to cling on so intensely despite being 100% convinced of being unwanted, unneeded. Maybe there is hope for me, maybe not. Who knows. Least of not me.  

[retrogamingblog]

Pokemon Starters by Kiy Meister

[animalcrossing]

Animal Crossing was released 15 years ago in Japan. We hope you continue to enjoy Animal Crossing for many years to come!

[gifsboom]

Video: Owl Rides a Toy Horse

[5104127]

[mikeybeein3d]

this looks like it could be an interesting series. 

[officialgeekly]

Haha http://ift.tt/1RShFr1

[muppethole-deactivated20240312]

[thefilmstage]

Explore the essence of humanity in the films of Hayao Miyazaki.

[mikeybeein3d]

[mikeybeein3d]

Life Update

So I know I have a few people who care. So let me fill you in. 

this will be the short version because my computer shut down randomly mid post last time. 

So last time I had a lot of hardships. I was on the brink of moving back to Michigan. My financial situation was less than favorable, my life was stagnate and I was losing all hope. I took a little back home and was met with overwhelming positive support from friends and family. It was so touching. Although I could live in Michigan I would still feel unfulfilled in my soul. Coming back to LA I felt more energized than ever. 

I am still working at Universal Studios. Nothing has changed. I am making slightly more money and working slightly more hours per week which puts me eases some of my worries. I moved to a better place, I am less stressed here. My land lord is such a nice guy Rent is easier to save up for and I feeling a bit more secure. 

Working at Universal is not a complete waste. I am making a lot of great friends and connections. I have been working on a project with one fellow and it’s turning out very well. Even though no one will say this out loud I think we all hope this will be our big break into the biz. but honestly who really knows. I guess I will have to keep you posted on that too. 

I am thankful for all the good things in my life. but yet I having a difficult time in my own mind. The future is so uncertain. I honestly still hate myself. I feel like I don’t fit in and no one really cares. I am pretty lonely all time. I am dirty and ugly. I could go on and on. More importantly everything makes me anxious. I can’t drive anywhere but local because it scares me. I am always afraid my car will fall apart. I used to make short films all the time in Michigan and even made a few little videos after I moved but yet I don’t do it any more because I am embarrassed of what I do.  I have no pride. I have big dreams, a lot of hope but no confidence. Honestly I am rambling right now but be assured that there are a lot of issues going on in my head and I really don’t know what to do. Maybe I just need to take things one step at a time. 

So overall things are better. I live in a better place, I have a job and make more money than I used to. I have friends and a vague promise of a better tomorrow. but I am still overwhelming lonely and lost and nervous to death. Sigh let’s see if things get better. 

[sizvideos]

[freshest-tittymilk]

@marissarei @wounds-2-wisdom